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I'm the Girl Who Was Raped
That morning, Michelle presented her Psychology honours thesis on rape. It began: "A woman born in South Africa has a greater chance of being raped than learning how to read..." That evening, celebrating her degree, she and a friend go to the beach, where they are both robbed, assaulted and raped. Within minutes of getting help, Michelle realizes she'll never be herself again. She is now "the girl who was raped." This book is Michelle's fight to be herself again. Of the taint she feels, despite the support and resources at her disposal as the child of a successful middle-class family. Of the fall-out to friendships, job, identity. It's Michelle's brave way of standing up for the many women in South Africa, and around the world, who are raped every day.
“Compelling, clear and beautiful writing on such a necessary topic. She shatters rape myths on every page.”
—Jen Thorpe, gender activist, author of The Peculiars
"Michelle Hattingh gives us a coming of age story in our rape culture. Her generosity provides young women with examples of self care, solidarity and intelligence with which to grow and thrive in spite of the horror of male violence against women.”
—Lee Lakeman, feminist anti-violence activist and author of Obsession, With Intent: Violence Against Women
“Compelling, clear and beautiful writing on such a necessary topic. She shatters rape myths on every page.”
—Jen Thorpe, gender activist, author of The Peculiars
"Michelle Hattingh gives us a coming of age story in our rape culture. Her generosity provides young women with examples of self care, solidarity and intelligence with which to grow and thrive in spite of the horror of male violence against women.”
—Lee Lakeman, feminist anti-violence activist and author of Obsession, With Intent: Violence Against Women
- GenresMemoir
200 pages, Kindle Edition
First published April 26, 2016
7 people are currently reading
133 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 13 of 13 reviews
June 23, 2018
"THE BOOK YOU ARE ABOUT TO READ describes every woman’s nightmare and many women’s actual experience. Rape. It’s a sad fact that, even in this so-called enlightened twenty-first century, women’s reality is that we could be raped at any time."
This is the story of Michelle Hattingh, a psychology student who presented her thesis on rape in South Africa, little did she know that on the same night in a party she and her friend will be rapped by two stranger men and left on the beach to die.
"I saw it in their eyes. I was not Michelle anymore. I was already the girl who got raped. And I hated it."
Michelle talks about what women have to deal with on a daily basis, in South Africa for example women have more chance of being rapped that being able to read! She also goes on about how the society treats a woman who was rapped and how they automatically assume that "SHE" did something wrong, and when trying to fix this problem in the society they usually try to empower women or make them more careful, not go out late in the night, to have a pepper spray with her all the time, which is ridiculous! they should start with taking actions toward men...
"But I was a much better feminist before I was raped. Before I was raped, I could see lies for what they were—lies. After I was raped, I started to buy into these lies. I felt like I did something wrong. I knew it was my fault that I was raped. I am dirty, impure. Defiled. And knowing the theory changed fuck all."
I really respect Michelle on how personal this book is, after doing her thesis on rape and being rapped, she also mentioned an old experience with a guy she used to know when she was younger, and how he disrespected her and against her approval tried to initiate a sexual encounter, which is also considered as rape.
"I was not bludgeoned. I was not stabbed. I was not gang raped. I was not subject to conditions of poverty and economic and social hardship while being physically abused. But I was raped. I was raped, twice. Once by someone I thought was my friend and another time by a stranger. "
"Unlike when someone dies, there was no funeral to plan, no condolences to receive. Unlike a physical injury, there was no resting to heal. I couldn’t stay in bed the whole day—it felt too much like giving up."
"The most horrible experience is waking up. Sleep allows me to forget; to become nothing but a floating entity that has no identity, history, or memories. But then I have to wake up and remember what I am now."
This is the story of Michelle Hattingh, a psychology student who presented her thesis on rape in South Africa, little did she know that on the same night in a party she and her friend will be rapped by two stranger men and left on the beach to die.
"I saw it in their eyes. I was not Michelle anymore. I was already the girl who got raped. And I hated it."
Michelle talks about what women have to deal with on a daily basis, in South Africa for example women have more chance of being rapped that being able to read! She also goes on about how the society treats a woman who was rapped and how they automatically assume that "SHE" did something wrong, and when trying to fix this problem in the society they usually try to empower women or make them more careful, not go out late in the night, to have a pepper spray with her all the time, which is ridiculous! they should start with taking actions toward men...
"But I was a much better feminist before I was raped. Before I was raped, I could see lies for what they were—lies. After I was raped, I started to buy into these lies. I felt like I did something wrong. I knew it was my fault that I was raped. I am dirty, impure. Defiled. And knowing the theory changed fuck all."
I really respect Michelle on how personal this book is, after doing her thesis on rape and being rapped, she also mentioned an old experience with a guy she used to know when she was younger, and how he disrespected her and against her approval tried to initiate a sexual encounter, which is also considered as rape.
"I was not bludgeoned. I was not stabbed. I was not gang raped. I was not subject to conditions of poverty and economic and social hardship while being physically abused. But I was raped. I was raped, twice. Once by someone I thought was my friend and another time by a stranger. "
"Unlike when someone dies, there was no funeral to plan, no condolences to receive. Unlike a physical injury, there was no resting to heal. I couldn’t stay in bed the whole day—it felt too much like giving up."
"The most horrible experience is waking up. Sleep allows me to forget; to become nothing but a floating entity that has no identity, history, or memories. But then I have to wake up and remember what I am now."
January 12, 2018
It's been a good few days since I finished reading this book; I wanted to stew on a few things before writing a review. But now I just have to come out and say it - the way the police and nurses handled this case was utterly disgraceful. Shame on them - for their lack of compassion, their shocking 'bedside manner'!! Why on earth go into this line of work if you have no empathy, no desire to HELP your fellow [wo]man?!
There is one particular part of the story which haunts me. On page 15, the author writes: "Look at his face. Remember his face. They will want to know what he looks like. I stare and stare and stare." And yet NOWHERE in the aftermath of the horrendous event is a forensic sketch artist ever called in to render a composite drawing of the rapist(s), to help the detective generate leads. Surely this would've been a powerful tool in law enforcement's arsenal during the investigation?? Appallingly, it appears that NO investigation ever took place. The rape victim(s) never heard from the police EVER again!
The perpetrators of this heinous crime are extremely dangerous men. They should be *behind bars*, not walking around the streets of Cape Town, on the hunt for their next victims. Who knows how many others have fallen prey to them since the armed robbery, assault, rape, & attempted murder described in this book. This is not a once-off, isolated incident, *that* I can guarantee. WHY are the cops not pulling out all the stops to catch these vile men before they go on to destroy other people's lives??
Kudos to Michelle Hattingh for being so brave and honest in the telling of her story. She has come a long way in the past five years, but I believe she still has a long way to go. She herself says that although the rape *did* define her, *she* gets to choose in which ways it reshapes her. And for this I salute her. I wish her well on her journey to healing. This book is an eye-opener to the reality of rape culture & should be read by every South African.
There is one particular part of the story which haunts me. On page 15, the author writes: "Look at his face. Remember his face. They will want to know what he looks like. I stare and stare and stare." And yet NOWHERE in the aftermath of the horrendous event is a forensic sketch artist ever called in to render a composite drawing of the rapist(s), to help the detective generate leads. Surely this would've been a powerful tool in law enforcement's arsenal during the investigation?? Appallingly, it appears that NO investigation ever took place. The rape victim(s) never heard from the police EVER again!
The perpetrators of this heinous crime are extremely dangerous men. They should be *behind bars*, not walking around the streets of Cape Town, on the hunt for their next victims. Who knows how many others have fallen prey to them since the armed robbery, assault, rape, & attempted murder described in this book. This is not a once-off, isolated incident, *that* I can guarantee. WHY are the cops not pulling out all the stops to catch these vile men before they go on to destroy other people's lives??
Kudos to Michelle Hattingh for being so brave and honest in the telling of her story. She has come a long way in the past five years, but I believe she still has a long way to go. She herself says that although the rape *did* define her, *she* gets to choose in which ways it reshapes her. And for this I salute her. I wish her well on her journey to healing. This book is an eye-opener to the reality of rape culture & should be read by every South African.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
September 28, 2020
Michelle's account of her rape is raw, honest and brutal. It was initially difficult to read, and I found myself needing to take a break to cry. My husband walked in while I was sniffing and I said; "It's heavy." to which he replied "I'm sure it would be." It's heavy, I realised, not just because Michelle describes her exact thoughts throughout the book, but also because it is entirely relatable. I have a story too and it was great to hear her honesty about every emotion and lack thereof, which goes with having your dignity and autonomy completely stripped from you. I love her indignation, resilience and humour. I love that the feminist is still there and that she is not lost in what happened to her, but rather that she turns our gaze on not only what it felt like (feels like) to be raped, but also (most importantly) on who the focus SHOULD be on...who should be held accountable and how this is no easy feat, but also not impossible.
April 6, 2022
I started reading this book yesterday on Moya app and woke up at 3am to continue till 5am lol and I'm still busy reading. I have been screenshotting and posting on my WhatsApp status because I believe in this story because it feels as if it's every rape survivors story. No other book describe my experience the way Michelle has in this book. I am in total awe of God. You think it is only you going through the different phases of grief and coping with the aftermath of rape. I wish this book could be made available to women who survived rape and for those who is trying to understand how they can help because most don't know what to say or how to behave and others just stay away. Thank you Michelle for this book. God bless you and your work going forward
June 19, 2018
A raw, heart-breaking account of one young South African woman trying to survive after being raped.
It is confrontational and will not allow you to sit passively on the sidelines. It draws you into a world no longer safe or ordered, and smashed to bits by an act of violence.
It is harrowing, but how could it be otherwise.
It is confrontational and will not allow you to sit passively on the sidelines. It draws you into a world no longer safe or ordered, and smashed to bits by an act of violence.
It is harrowing, but how could it be otherwise.
December 2, 2023
Michelle, thank you for sharing your frightening journey with such honesty and courage. You have a wonderfully relational writing style. I felt I was sitting in a room with you, listening to a friend speaking. Living in CT myself, everything was so relatable. Thank you for speaking up for all of us.
February 8, 2024
Book describes every women’s nightmare. Author recounts her own experience of rape and aftermath. She takes on the difficult and painful struggle towards healing.
“ this book made me more aware that rape is not just a stranger, can be your own husband who does the sex act when you don’t want to or a date when you say no and it still happens.
31/2 stars
“ this book made me more aware that rape is not just a stranger, can be your own husband who does the sex act when you don’t want to or a date when you say no and it still happens.
31/2 stars
March 20, 2018
A powerful and beautifully written account of the author trying to come to terms with what happened to her.
August 8, 2017
An exceptionally well-written, impactful, book on an important subject. I would recommend this to anyone, and everyone. I felt I could relate to the author despite many of the experiences she described being foreign to me. I believe that's a mark of a great writer. Not only was the writing crisp but the story stuck with me in the most influential way, it amplified the volume of the little voice inside my head that asks "why?" and says "no, that's not ok," all the way from thought to spoken words. It made me want to talk about something I often feel ill-equipped and unqualified to voice an opinion on, or ask a question about, in case I might offend. A fantastic, first work.
August 23, 2020
Dear Michelle,
Thank you for sharing your story. My mom gave me your book and I read it in less than two days - I couldn’t put it down!
As a Psychology Honours Graduate from Port Elizabeth, so much of your story resonated with me. Thank you for speaking about the non-consensual sex that nobody likes to admit is rape. I went through something similar and I feel so much stronger after reading your book. I will talk about it. I will share it.
Thank you!
A must-read for all. Empowering for women and educational for men.
Thank you for sharing your story. My mom gave me your book and I read it in less than two days - I couldn’t put it down!
As a Psychology Honours Graduate from Port Elizabeth, so much of your story resonated with me. Thank you for speaking about the non-consensual sex that nobody likes to admit is rape. I went through something similar and I feel so much stronger after reading your book. I will talk about it. I will share it.
Thank you!
A must-read for all. Empowering for women and educational for men.
June 20, 2016
I guess the whole point is that no matter how one feels about the book or the author, no one deserves to be raped. Point taken.
March 5, 2023
A difficult book to read, yet powerful and beautifully written. She describes in detail every women's worst nightmare. This book will stay with me forever.
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May 24, 2018It's an honestly written eye opening true life story. I like the referrences to other book authors Michelle makes as she tells her story, I like that she acknowledges that her healing is a process that should be given time, I like that she embraces the love of people in her life, I like that when finding hobbies she also tries to figure out how to use these not only as her coping mechanisms but parts of her healing; because they are. I am happy with all that I learned from reading this book.
Displaying 1 - 13 of 13 reviews