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Seduction: Men, Masculinity and Mediated Intimacy
Within the so-called seduction community, the ability to meet and attract women is understood as a skill which heterosexual men can cultivate through practical training and personal development. Though it has been an object of media speculation - and frequent sensationalism - for over a decade, this cultural formation remains poorly understood.
In the first book-length study of the industry, Rachel O'Neill takes us into the world of seduction seminars, training events, instructional guidebooks and video tutorials. Pushing past established understandings of 'pickup artists' as pathetic, pathological or perverse, she examines what makes seduction so compelling for those drawn to participate in this sphere.
Seduction vividly portrays how the twin rationalities of neoliberalism and postfeminism are reorganising contemporary intimate life, as labour-intensive and profit-orientated modes of sociality consume other forms of being and relating. It is essential reading for students and scholars of gender, sexuality, sociology and cultural studies, as well as anyone who wants to understand the seduction industry's overarching logics and internal workings.
In the first book-length study of the industry, Rachel O'Neill takes us into the world of seduction seminars, training events, instructional guidebooks and video tutorials. Pushing past established understandings of 'pickup artists' as pathetic, pathological or perverse, she examines what makes seduction so compelling for those drawn to participate in this sphere.
Seduction vividly portrays how the twin rationalities of neoliberalism and postfeminism are reorganising contemporary intimate life, as labour-intensive and profit-orientated modes of sociality consume other forms of being and relating. It is essential reading for students and scholars of gender, sexuality, sociology and cultural studies, as well as anyone who wants to understand the seduction industry's overarching logics and internal workings.
256 pages, ebook
Published July 4, 2018
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237 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 10 of 10 reviews
March 17, 2024
Seduction is an analysis of the world of seduction/pick-up artistry by feminist scholar Dr. Rachel O'Neill. It is an investigative style, built on direct fieldwork by Dr. O'Neill herself where she interviews and shadows both seduction instructors and clients.
This book was a joy to read, both for my fascination with the world of men's dating advice and the paradigm shift that came with seeing it through feminist scholarship. I felt that Dr. O'Neill struck an excellent balance of allowing her case studies and interviewees to accurately represent themselves whilst also providing extensive critique and analysis. It didn't feel like a hit piece, nor did it feel overly forgiving of the problematic teachings and practices of the space.
Theres plenty of low-hanging fruit to scrutinize in the seduction space, particularly surrounding consent, sexual harassment, and dishonesty. Those are tackled in the book, but you can find some Vox documentaries on that. Dr. O'Neill approach is different, highlighting that the space is not a distinct microcosm, but rather an extension and expression of problems that society faces today. I found the commentary on these more implicit and widely applicable issues most interesting.
One is the idea of a "sexual work ethic". The idea that a man needs to do things like schedule out time to meet people, get in reps of approaching and asking out strangers, cultivate his "text game", but also simple things like trying to improve one's fashion, fitness, and sociability. A human experience as pure as intimacy is handed a Performance Improvement Plan.
Personally, I am conflicted, as working on myself has given me a better dating life, and I'm not sure what alternative exists aside from individual work. However, I can now better understand the flipside: If a strong "sexual work ethic" is the answer to a satisfying romantic life, then any dissatisfaction must be seen as an individual moral failing. With rising rates of loneliness, its clear that there is a societal problem permeating, and its not just people getting lazier.
Another is the commentary around men's needs in being in touch with their emotions, as highlighted by the types of men who engage in these spaces. Most clients were not ravenous men on a quest of sexual conquest, but rather people who felt lonely and saw their training as a last resort for human connection. Neurodivergence and history of trauma are seen in higher rates amongst the men enrolled. Dr. O'Neill had many stories of clients who broke down in their interviews, confessing that they told her things they hadn't told anyone else before.
Lastly, much of the book pushes back against the idea of mediated intimacy, the idea that emotional connection is something that can be choreographed, with the needs of a partner only being addressed in service of extracting what the seducer wants. Meeting people is systematized and optimized, with an example given of a seducer who found the ideal movie to watch for building sexual tension in on his movie dates.
On a simpler level, it got me thinking about some of my own dates. I'd been feeling that asking my same favorite first-date questions detracts from the joy and the unique experience I could be having with that person. Its inspired me to introduce some more serendipity rather go on the same tried-and-tested date ideas.
Would I recommend this book? Honestly it is absurdly niche and quite dense, the prose being academic. I would recommend it to anyone who is really tapped into the men's dating sphere and is either open to or intrigued by the feminist lens (I think you'll find the difference between culture-war poster feminism vs rigorous feminist scholarship refreshing). Ultimately, I think its gut feeling read.
Great book, wonderful investigative style, I'd read other works of hers.
This book was a joy to read, both for my fascination with the world of men's dating advice and the paradigm shift that came with seeing it through feminist scholarship. I felt that Dr. O'Neill struck an excellent balance of allowing her case studies and interviewees to accurately represent themselves whilst also providing extensive critique and analysis. It didn't feel like a hit piece, nor did it feel overly forgiving of the problematic teachings and practices of the space.
Theres plenty of low-hanging fruit to scrutinize in the seduction space, particularly surrounding consent, sexual harassment, and dishonesty. Those are tackled in the book, but you can find some Vox documentaries on that. Dr. O'Neill approach is different, highlighting that the space is not a distinct microcosm, but rather an extension and expression of problems that society faces today. I found the commentary on these more implicit and widely applicable issues most interesting.
One is the idea of a "sexual work ethic". The idea that a man needs to do things like schedule out time to meet people, get in reps of approaching and asking out strangers, cultivate his "text game", but also simple things like trying to improve one's fashion, fitness, and sociability. A human experience as pure as intimacy is handed a Performance Improvement Plan.
Personally, I am conflicted, as working on myself has given me a better dating life, and I'm not sure what alternative exists aside from individual work. However, I can now better understand the flipside: If a strong "sexual work ethic" is the answer to a satisfying romantic life, then any dissatisfaction must be seen as an individual moral failing. With rising rates of loneliness, its clear that there is a societal problem permeating, and its not just people getting lazier.
Another is the commentary around men's needs in being in touch with their emotions, as highlighted by the types of men who engage in these spaces. Most clients were not ravenous men on a quest of sexual conquest, but rather people who felt lonely and saw their training as a last resort for human connection. Neurodivergence and history of trauma are seen in higher rates amongst the men enrolled. Dr. O'Neill had many stories of clients who broke down in their interviews, confessing that they told her things they hadn't told anyone else before.
Lastly, much of the book pushes back against the idea of mediated intimacy, the idea that emotional connection is something that can be choreographed, with the needs of a partner only being addressed in service of extracting what the seducer wants. Meeting people is systematized and optimized, with an example given of a seducer who found the ideal movie to watch for building sexual tension in on his movie dates.
On a simpler level, it got me thinking about some of my own dates. I'd been feeling that asking my same favorite first-date questions detracts from the joy and the unique experience I could be having with that person. Its inspired me to introduce some more serendipity rather go on the same tried-and-tested date ideas.
Would I recommend this book? Honestly it is absurdly niche and quite dense, the prose being academic. I would recommend it to anyone who is really tapped into the men's dating sphere and is either open to or intrigued by the feminist lens (I think you'll find the difference between culture-war poster feminism vs rigorous feminist scholarship refreshing). Ultimately, I think its gut feeling read.
Great book, wonderful investigative style, I'd read other works of hers.
November 9, 2018
The theory is a little thick in places, but it’s a fascinating read about the pick up artist culture in London. Lots to think about. Don’t skip the chapter on doing feminist research at the end.
December 11, 2025
“Individual self-work as prescribed to the solution for problems that are culturally shared and socially patterned. Ethical concerns are cast aside in favour of an unencumbered self-interest.”
wow wow wow. I was previously aware that the seduction industry existed, but this book intimately illuminates the inner workings of the world of a pick-up artist. The seduction industry functions as a sort of reactionary movement which attempts to counteract progressive ideals, thereby advocating for a return to “traditional” rigid masculinity. What the author argues in this study, is that the industry is merely a symptom of a larger social issue.
It offers a belief by which sex in contemporary society is something to be managed (as an entrepreneurial entity) rather than something that is to be experienced between consenting parties. What is revealed is that this gendered structure is cyclical. The industry reinforces and contradicts itself by virtue of simply existing. This book is mostly a sociological analysis, but it also poses a philosophical question, where do we go moving forward?
How do we move forward together?
wow wow wow. I was previously aware that the seduction industry existed, but this book intimately illuminates the inner workings of the world of a pick-up artist. The seduction industry functions as a sort of reactionary movement which attempts to counteract progressive ideals, thereby advocating for a return to “traditional” rigid masculinity. What the author argues in this study, is that the industry is merely a symptom of a larger social issue.
It offers a belief by which sex in contemporary society is something to be managed (as an entrepreneurial entity) rather than something that is to be experienced between consenting parties. What is revealed is that this gendered structure is cyclical. The industry reinforces and contradicts itself by virtue of simply existing. This book is mostly a sociological analysis, but it also poses a philosophical question, where do we go moving forward?
How do we move forward together?
April 21, 2024
Fantastisk bok!
Jeg får alltid litt vondt i magen når noen bruker ordet "sjekkemarkedet" eller "datingmarkedet". Dette rommet - single som er ute etter kortvarige eller langvarige intime relasjoner - ser også ut til å være en endeløs kilde til klikk for dags- og ukesaviser som skriver flittig om folks klager, formeninger, forklaringer, og/eller forskning på dette området. Noe som imidlertid mangler er noen skikkelig kritiske røster som tør å rokke ved debattens grunnpremisser.
Bare det at denne sfæren kalles et "-marked" burde vært en indikator på at noe er svært galt. Dette impliserer at noe "handles", at noen "gir", andre "får". Sex blir fort noe man enten skal fortjene, eller forhandle seg til. Mennesker blir gitt en verdi. At det kapitalistiske språket har sneket seg inn helt inn i det mest intime burde vært en vekker, men det er dessverre ikke det. Det har skjedd en "utvidelse av kampsonen" som har gjort at markedskreftene styrer og setter føringer for hvem vi kan være, både overfor oss selv og overfor Andre.
Det resulterer i en begrensende og destruktiv maskulinitet (men som også vedlikeholder en statisk og lite fleksibel kjønnsdikotomi) som hindrer autentisk, fri kontakt mellom mennesker.
Denne dynamikken er spissformulert i "pickup artist" miljøer, men på ingen måte fraværende i dagligtale, det som blir formidlet i media, eller ellers i populærkulturen. Den er overalt, og O'Neill sammenligner med rette denne måten å se på relasjoner med "den kapitalistiske realismen" til Mark Fisher.
Det finnes tilsynelatende ingen alternativ.
Men hvorfor kan ikke Sex være noe man deler? og relasjoner noe man skaper?
Dette er tilsynelatende enkle spørsmål, men som viser seg å være svært vansklige å svare på i praksis.. Verk som "Seduction" er derimot strålende innslag i en ellers platt og lite informativ debatt. Den viser oss at feminisme virkelig er en humanisme, og at om vi skal "løse" problemet med ensomme menn må vi tenke radikalt annerledes om relasjoner og politikk for øvrig.
Jeg får alltid litt vondt i magen når noen bruker ordet "sjekkemarkedet" eller "datingmarkedet". Dette rommet - single som er ute etter kortvarige eller langvarige intime relasjoner - ser også ut til å være en endeløs kilde til klikk for dags- og ukesaviser som skriver flittig om folks klager, formeninger, forklaringer, og/eller forskning på dette området. Noe som imidlertid mangler er noen skikkelig kritiske røster som tør å rokke ved debattens grunnpremisser.
Bare det at denne sfæren kalles et "-marked" burde vært en indikator på at noe er svært galt. Dette impliserer at noe "handles", at noen "gir", andre "får". Sex blir fort noe man enten skal fortjene, eller forhandle seg til. Mennesker blir gitt en verdi. At det kapitalistiske språket har sneket seg inn helt inn i det mest intime burde vært en vekker, men det er dessverre ikke det. Det har skjedd en "utvidelse av kampsonen" som har gjort at markedskreftene styrer og setter føringer for hvem vi kan være, både overfor oss selv og overfor Andre.
Det resulterer i en begrensende og destruktiv maskulinitet (men som også vedlikeholder en statisk og lite fleksibel kjønnsdikotomi) som hindrer autentisk, fri kontakt mellom mennesker.
Denne dynamikken er spissformulert i "pickup artist" miljøer, men på ingen måte fraværende i dagligtale, det som blir formidlet i media, eller ellers i populærkulturen. Den er overalt, og O'Neill sammenligner med rette denne måten å se på relasjoner med "den kapitalistiske realismen" til Mark Fisher.
Det finnes tilsynelatende ingen alternativ.
Men hvorfor kan ikke Sex være noe man deler? og relasjoner noe man skaper?
Dette er tilsynelatende enkle spørsmål, men som viser seg å være svært vansklige å svare på i praksis.. Verk som "Seduction" er derimot strålende innslag i en ellers platt og lite informativ debatt. Den viser oss at feminisme virkelig er en humanisme, og at om vi skal "løse" problemet med ensomme menn må vi tenke radikalt annerledes om relasjoner og politikk for øvrig.
August 7, 2020
As someone who encountered Neil Strauss' The Game at around 18 I've always been semi-conscious of the continued existence of pick-up artistry and to a lesser extent the industry which has developed around it.
In Seduction Dr. O'Neill lays out the ethical flaws and scientific fallacies which accompany theories of heterosexual male seduction and how seduction in practice not only leads to a great deal of dissatisfaction and missed opportunities for more meaningful, informed and consensual interactions but is ultimately extremely damaging for people who can oftentimes be considered these 'artists' victims.
I'd consider this book invaluable for anyone who has had any involvement with or interest in the ideas surrounding heterosexual male oriented seduction. Not only is it a fascinating read, extensively researched and criminally undiscovered but it acts as an inoculation for a large swathe of regressive ideas found not only in London's seduction community but in mens understanding of relationships found in society at large.
In Seduction Dr. O'Neill lays out the ethical flaws and scientific fallacies which accompany theories of heterosexual male seduction and how seduction in practice not only leads to a great deal of dissatisfaction and missed opportunities for more meaningful, informed and consensual interactions but is ultimately extremely damaging for people who can oftentimes be considered these 'artists' victims.
I'd consider this book invaluable for anyone who has had any involvement with or interest in the ideas surrounding heterosexual male oriented seduction. Not only is it a fascinating read, extensively researched and criminally undiscovered but it acts as an inoculation for a large swathe of regressive ideas found not only in London's seduction community but in mens understanding of relationships found in society at large.
May 6, 2024
do NOT skip the postscript where the author writes about her experience during the research!!!
great insight into the thinking of the seduction community and probably by extension into the manosphere in general.
great insight into the thinking of the seduction community and probably by extension into the manosphere in general.
January 16, 2026
读的中译本，很受启发。比如作者论证了为何骗色行业的学员对演化论买账，而演化论又与新自由主义理性完美契合——两者都推崇利益最大化的个人主义逻辑，一个强调资金，一个强调后代——这种理念使异性恋男性感同身受。于是，情感关系愈来愈被工具理性化，有关男性痛苦的叙事也被局限于性别问题，因为“坚决强调男性与女性的差别，男性内部哪些根深蒂固、普遍存在的分歧（阶级、种族、民族、宗教、能力与障碍产生的差异）才能逃脱众人的关注。”最后一章的田野笔记太诚恳真切，许多反思也适用于俺的工作。作者了不起！
July 5, 2019
I underlined all of the things that resonated with me, that I’ve thought and felt but hadn’t yet flushed out into words. If I didn’t stop myself, I could have marked up every line in the book.
May 16, 2021
This book is an analysis and critique of what might be called masculinist branded seduction. It is both a female and feminist perspective of the community-industry of seduction and pickup. It is a needed voice of reason that might otherwise be silenced or muffled amid all the spruiking and propagandizing and brouhaha. However enticing masculinist branded seduction may be to men wishing to have better sex lives with it's lures of sexual abundance and all the buxom beauties (or is it slender these days?) you can poke a stick at, the embedded sexism and misogyny and the disregard of consent cannot be overlooked.
Sadly, this book probably doesn't get widely read and may not ever pierce through into popular reading. But it is relevant and deserves attention. It is lucid and well argued.
The only criticism I have is that the author neither provides, nor intends to provide, an adequate alternative answer to masculinist seduction, which (no matter how amoral it is or how effective it may or may not be) is an answer proffered for a prevalent problem that men can and do suffer. Without providing a better answer in its place, the underlying problems for which it serves to remedy are left unanswered. There are people genuinely seeking help for despair and unhappiness in life due to lack of success in love and relationships.
Shooting down seduction because of the ill nature of masculinist branded seduction could be like throwing the baby out with the bath water. The subject of seduction is much broader and need not be associated with misogyny and sexism.
I think a proper study of seduction would be embracive of the feminine aspects of the subject. It would be inclusive of any gender and not a cult of masculinity. Defining seduction this way might be a good starting point to providing a better answer...
Sadly, this book probably doesn't get widely read and may not ever pierce through into popular reading. But it is relevant and deserves attention. It is lucid and well argued.
The only criticism I have is that the author neither provides, nor intends to provide, an adequate alternative answer to masculinist seduction, which (no matter how amoral it is or how effective it may or may not be) is an answer proffered for a prevalent problem that men can and do suffer. Without providing a better answer in its place, the underlying problems for which it serves to remedy are left unanswered. There are people genuinely seeking help for despair and unhappiness in life due to lack of success in love and relationships.
Shooting down seduction because of the ill nature of masculinist branded seduction could be like throwing the baby out with the bath water. The subject of seduction is much broader and need not be associated with misogyny and sexism.
I think a proper study of seduction would be embracive of the feminine aspects of the subject. It would be inclusive of any gender and not a cult of masculinity. Defining seduction this way might be a good starting point to providing a better answer...
October 3, 2023
The book that started me in the journey of masculinity of the 21st century. Really liked this book and how thorough it is. I was hoping that it would dive into "building" the new "positive masculinity" for lack of a better term, but groundbreaking stuff nonetheless.
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