Sober Siblings: How to Help Your Alcoholic Brother or Sister-and Not Lose Yourself

by Patricia Olsen, Petros Levounis

In the vein of Adult Children of Alcoholics comes the first book geared specifically to the siblings of alcoholics. Patricia Olsen, sister of two alcoholic brothers, shares her personal experiences along with interviews with other sober siblings, while Petros Levounis, M.D., the director of The Addiction Institute of New York and chief of addiction psychology at St. Luke's and Roosevelt Hospitals in New York City, offers expert advice. Whether the alcoholic is in recovery or relapsed, in AA or therapy, Sober Siblings helps brothers and sisters gain greater awareness of their own situation, offering practical wisdom and suggestions feelings of shame, frustration, hopelessness, and anger; the difference between helping and enabling; setting boundaries; the nature of alcoholism; coaddictions; and how to help your sibling while not losing yourself.

Genres: Nonfiction

239 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2008

Reviews

[Jess · Rating 3 out of 5]

I have been aware of and deeply impacted by my brother’s alcohol addiction for over 3 years, but it wasn’t until recently that I allowed myself to truly feel it’s impact of his sibling. Since I’m not very close to my brother, I understood his addiction’s impact on me as a ripple. I was hurting because my mom was hurting. With his last near-death hospital stay, I finally realized I was in the inner ripple. I was being impacted directly and that recognition unraveled me in ways I was not prepared to feel. Reading this book was a first attempt to understand and embrace my identity as a sibling of an alcoholic.

There are many useful takeaways from this book. I wish I would have read this book many years ago. Many of the sections felt “too late” for me and my family but having some of the tools/talking points 5 years ago may have been helpful. I found many of the quotes at the start of each chapter comforting and/or validating.

Where I needed more from this book, though, is for it to go deeper into the sibling relationship. At times I felt most of the advice was generic and could apply to any relationship. I needed to hear more about the family as a whole and how a sober sibling navigates their relationship with their parents while their parents are overwhelmed with the pain that comes with a sick and dying child. I also needed more about navigating the sibling relationship when you’re not close but nonetheless are still deeply impacted by your sibling’s disease.

I found the epilogue to be the most honest and most necessary part of the entire book. The move away from self-help to first person narrative was moving.

Overall, this book was helpful and I’d recommended it to others who are in families navigating loved ones who are addicted to alcohol - my hope is that they find it much sooner than I did.

[Barbara · Rating 4 out of 5]

Made me face my feelings

There is quite a bit in this book I already knew, but having it spelled out in black and white helps to reaffirm the journey with my sibling needs to begin. I faced my feelings head on.

[Richard Goff · Rating 3 out of 5]

It is a pretty good treatment of how to deal with an alcoholic in your life with practical advice on how to draw firm boundaries while at the same time offer what help you can. I was a little disappointed in that the book doesn't deal specifically with siblings or offer an special advice on that area. Although it acknowledges that siblings have a special relationship with each other, most of the advice could just as easily apply to any loved or close companion.

[Su · Rating 5 out of 5]

Well written stories and practical advice.
Although I do not have alcoholic siblings, I wanted to read this book because of my interest in health, wellness, and medicine.

[Chelsea · Rating 3 out of 5]

It had some practical advice, but did not offer me any great revelations.