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Our Search for Belonging: How Our Need to Connect Is Tearing Us Apart
We are living in a time of mounting political segregation that threatens to tear us apart as a unified society. The result is that we are becoming increasingly tribal, and the narratives of life that we get exposed to on a daily basis have become echo chambers in which we hear our beliefs reinforced and others' beliefs demonized.
At the core of tribalism exists a paradox: as humans, we are hardwired with the need to belong, which ends up making us deeply connected with some yet deeply divided from others. When these tribes are formed out of fear of the "other," on topics such as race, immigration status, religion, or partisan politics, we resort to an "us versus them" attitude. Especially in the digital age, when we are all interconnected in one way or another, these tensions seep into our daily lives and we become secluded with our self-identified tribes. Global diversity and inclusion expert Howard J. Ross, with JonRobert Tartaglione, explores how our human need to belong is the driving force behind the increasing division of our world.
Drawing upon decades of leadership experience, Ross probes the depth of tribalism, examines the role of social media in exacerbating it, and offers tactics for how to combat it. Filled with tested practices for opening safe and honest dialogue in the workplace and challenges to confront our own tendencies to bond with those who are like us, Our Search for Belonging is a powerful statement of hope in a disquieting time.
At the core of tribalism exists a paradox: as humans, we are hardwired with the need to belong, which ends up making us deeply connected with some yet deeply divided from others. When these tribes are formed out of fear of the "other," on topics such as race, immigration status, religion, or partisan politics, we resort to an "us versus them" attitude. Especially in the digital age, when we are all interconnected in one way or another, these tensions seep into our daily lives and we become secluded with our self-identified tribes. Global diversity and inclusion expert Howard J. Ross, with JonRobert Tartaglione, explores how our human need to belong is the driving force behind the increasing division of our world.
Drawing upon decades of leadership experience, Ross probes the depth of tribalism, examines the role of social media in exacerbating it, and offers tactics for how to combat it. Filled with tested practices for opening safe and honest dialogue in the workplace and challenges to confront our own tendencies to bond with those who are like us, Our Search for Belonging is a powerful statement of hope in a disquieting time.
272 pages, Hardcover
Published May 8, 2018
39 people are currently reading
254 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 9 of 9 reviews
February 24, 2023
Barely 3 stars.
I was hoping to get more from this book. It had potential. The author did an OK job of trying to show both sides of the political divide but he clearly favored his side and made it known regularly. I hated how the narrator said the word 'Muslim'. It's not moslim. There's no "o" in it, dang it.
Notes:
Our need to bond and connect with others may create bigger gaps and divides with other groups. If we only bond we are only going to keep separating. We need to bridge, too.
He says we have more segregated schools than ever before.
The more we can define ourselves as a larger tribe - Americans - the more our need to belong will engender civility
Oftentimes we get fixated on the other person's personality rather than their idea.
When politics become an identity we stop looking for ways to learn and start looking for ways to justify.
An inch of height is worth almost $800 in corporate America.
A lot of the hippies/left in the 60s erroneously compared religion with conservatism so they shunned religion. Stupid hippies.
The most powerful groups are inclusive.
A workplace should be referred to as a community not a family. You chose to work at a place like how you choose to live in a community. You don't choose family.
I was hoping to get more from this book. It had potential. The author did an OK job of trying to show both sides of the political divide but he clearly favored his side and made it known regularly. I hated how the narrator said the word 'Muslim'. It's not moslim. There's no "o" in it, dang it.
Notes:
Our need to bond and connect with others may create bigger gaps and divides with other groups. If we only bond we are only going to keep separating. We need to bridge, too.
He says we have more segregated schools than ever before.
The more we can define ourselves as a larger tribe - Americans - the more our need to belong will engender civility
Oftentimes we get fixated on the other person's personality rather than their idea.
When politics become an identity we stop looking for ways to learn and start looking for ways to justify.
An inch of height is worth almost $800 in corporate America.
A lot of the hippies/left in the 60s erroneously compared religion with conservatism so they shunned religion. Stupid hippies.
The most powerful groups are inclusive.
A workplace should be referred to as a community not a family. You chose to work at a place like how you choose to live in a community. You don't choose family.
June 26, 2018
The belonging aspect of our nature is thoroughly explored in this book. However, little space is given establishing bridges to belonging and what is given is very theoretical and lacking in practical examples or outcomes. This book is best considered a resource for exploring how human beings experience belonging and exclusion in society.
April 1, 2018
Terrific book exploring how our human pre-wired need for belonging to a group creates the ease of (if not the compulsion to) feel threatened by and antagonistic towards members of other groups. It provides some practical tools and ideas for addressing this in personal and workplace environments. Very powerful ideas and very important perspectives.
- Dave
- Dave
November 17, 2022
I did not enjoy this book and didn't get much out of it until chapter 6. Not that it's bad information, just that I've heard or read a lot of these ideas before.
I recently read Simon Sinek's Leaders Eat Last, and although the two books have a different focus and intended audience, I think Simon conveyed many similar ideas in a more enjoyable manner.
The two chapters that stood out to me were on religion and privilege (chapters 6 and 7, I believe). One religious example that stood out to me was about religious majorities making laws. He used American Jews as an example of a minority who would never be able to vote into law a ban on eating pork, which is a practice in their religion, but many American laws were established by a Christian majority that is beginning to feel attacked by the challenging of issues such as marriage and abortion. Another example that stands out in my memory was that many light skinned people will never know the stress of teaching their children what to do if pulled over by police. They take for granted that the officer is likely the same race.
The final example that stood out was a story of a man participating in group discussions and learning that his father or grandfather was in the KKK. He listened patiently for a while and eventually had the courage to tell his side of the story that it was difficult to come to grips with that new reality because he knew this ancestor as a leader in the church and community, and as a "good man."
These examples present interesting perspectives to consider. For me, the most enjoyable part of this book was the quotes to start each chapter.
I guess I should also mention that I also disliked the audiobook narration. Not bad, just bland and easy to zone out and ignore. There were also a handful of instances of repeated lines that weren't edited out of the recording
I recently read Simon Sinek's Leaders Eat Last, and although the two books have a different focus and intended audience, I think Simon conveyed many similar ideas in a more enjoyable manner.
The two chapters that stood out to me were on religion and privilege (chapters 6 and 7, I believe). One religious example that stood out to me was about religious majorities making laws. He used American Jews as an example of a minority who would never be able to vote into law a ban on eating pork, which is a practice in their religion, but many American laws were established by a Christian majority that is beginning to feel attacked by the challenging of issues such as marriage and abortion. Another example that stands out in my memory was that many light skinned people will never know the stress of teaching their children what to do if pulled over by police. They take for granted that the officer is likely the same race.
The final example that stood out was a story of a man participating in group discussions and learning that his father or grandfather was in the KKK. He listened patiently for a while and eventually had the courage to tell his side of the story that it was difficult to come to grips with that new reality because he knew this ancestor as a leader in the church and community, and as a "good man."
These examples present interesting perspectives to consider. For me, the most enjoyable part of this book was the quotes to start each chapter.
I guess I should also mention that I also disliked the audiobook narration. Not bad, just bland and easy to zone out and ignore. There were also a handful of instances of repeated lines that weren't edited out of the recording
July 15, 2021
While there are some parts of this text where the author provides good information, I cannot recommend the book because the author expresses themselves as a small minded, ignorant person that lacks any self awareness. If this book was written better, I would actually recommend the author read his own book to note his failures.
The book contains multiple logical inconsistencies, misrepresentation, and contradictory statements, not to mention using language directly insulting people. I have pages of notes of logic flaws - not issues with opinions. The bulk of these issues
Consequently, this is just another book by a small minded individual trying to justify there beliefs and how open they are while actually attacking and dehumanizing the people they presumably are trying to reach out to.
The shame is about 70% of the material is good. The author and I have apparently read many of the same sources and the provides some good advice. Then the author jumps into questionable territory, making conclusions based on his own bias and not evaluating his logic. It’s sad, because the author seems like he is trying.
I am still looking for a book on diversity that doesn’t attack people or attempt to be self-righteous. This is not it.
The book contains multiple logical inconsistencies, misrepresentation, and contradictory statements, not to mention using language directly insulting people. I have pages of notes of logic flaws - not issues with opinions. The bulk of these issues
Consequently, this is just another book by a small minded individual trying to justify there beliefs and how open they are while actually attacking and dehumanizing the people they presumably are trying to reach out to.
The shame is about 70% of the material is good. The author and I have apparently read many of the same sources and the provides some good advice. Then the author jumps into questionable territory, making conclusions based on his own bias and not evaluating his logic. It’s sad, because the author seems like he is trying.
I am still looking for a book on diversity that doesn’t attack people or attempt to be self-righteous. This is not it.
August 19, 2020
I appreciate the content of this book. It's challenging to accept that we have bias and that bias is a good thing, Howard's book helped me rationalize why those base instincts to make an immediate judgement are hard wired into our genetics as a survival skill. He creates a useful boundary explaining when bias becomes a problem.
I like the practical advice that Howard offers. Reading the book was a good pep talk and almost acted as a therapy session. I'm equipped with better questions to ask those who have viewpoints I disagree with, and hopefully I also have a more open minded attitude to go along with those questions.
Ultimately, I question if everyone has the emotional maturity to embrace the concepts Howard presents. I hope so. Perhaps if enough people who can embrace this material act upon it, their influence will radiate outward and have a cascade effect of open mindedness and understand. In the spirit of this book I will keep an open mind about others ability to embrace this content while I do what I can to be an agent of change.
I recommend reading this, I suggest also reading What Works by Iris Bohnet if this material interests you.
I like the practical advice that Howard offers. Reading the book was a good pep talk and almost acted as a therapy session. I'm equipped with better questions to ask those who have viewpoints I disagree with, and hopefully I also have a more open minded attitude to go along with those questions.
Ultimately, I question if everyone has the emotional maturity to embrace the concepts Howard presents. I hope so. Perhaps if enough people who can embrace this material act upon it, their influence will radiate outward and have a cascade effect of open mindedness and understand. In the spirit of this book I will keep an open mind about others ability to embrace this content while I do what I can to be an agent of change.
I recommend reading this, I suggest also reading What Works by Iris Bohnet if this material interests you.
July 12, 2021
This book helped me understand where my personal bias manifests itself and what to look for to allow myself to experience a broader perspective. The most impactful lesson I took away from this is that you have to separate the individual from the beliefs. I now find myself trying to find ways in which I am similar to someone rather than focuding our differences or who is right or wrong. It completely changes the feel of controversial conversations. I loved so much about this book and I cannot recommend it enough.
August 13, 2021
"Our Search for Belonging" will stimulate your thinking and help you clarify who you really are and why you are here. Filled with many wonderful stories to illustrate the authors teachings, you will come away with new insights that will make life's journey more fulfilling and worthwhile. Highly recommended!
October 17, 2021
Very good information!
Displaying 1 - 9 of 9 reviews