Benny Doesn't Like to Be Hugged

by Zetta Elliott, Purple Wong (Illustrator)

A little girl uses rhyming verse to describe the unique traits of her autistic friend. Benny likes trains and cupcakes without sprinkles, but he can also be fussy sometimes. The narrator doesn't mind, however, because "true friends accept each other just the way they are." A gentle story encouraging children to appreciate and accept our differences.

Genres: Picture Books, Disability, Autistic Spectrum Disorder, Realistic Fiction, Friendship, Childrens, Storytime

42 pages, Paperback

Published September 29, 2017

About the author

I’m a Black feminist writer of poetry, plays, essays, novels, and stories for children. I was born and raised in Canada, but have lived in the US for 30 years. I earned my PhD in American Studies from NYU in 2003; I have taught at Ohio University, Louisiana State University, Mount Holyoke College, Hunter College, Bard High School Early College, and Borough of Manhattan Community College.

My poetry has been published in New Daughters of Africa, We Rise, We Resist, We Raise Our Voices, the Cave Canem anthology, The Ringing Ear: Black Poets Lean South, Check the Rhyme: an Anthology of Female Poets and Emcees, and Coloring Book: an Eclectic Anthology of Fiction and Poetry by Multicultural Writers.

My novella, Plastique, was excerpted in T Dot Griots: an Anthology of Toronto’s Black Storytellers, and my plays have been staged in New York, Cleveland, and Chicago. My essays have appeared in School Library Journal, Horn Book, and Publishers Weekly. My short story, “The Ghost in Her Bones,” was published in a 2020 special issue of Obsidian.

My picture book, Bird, won the Honor Award in Lee & Low Books’ New Voices Contest and the Paterson Prize for Books for Young Readers. My young adult novel, A Wish After Midnight, has been called “a revelation…vivid, violent and impressive history.” Ship of Souls was published in February 2012; it was named a Booklist Top Ten Sci-fi/Fantasy Title for Youth and was a finalist for the Phillis Wheatley Book Award. My short story, “Sweet Sixteen,” was published in Cornered: 14 Stories of Bullying and Defiance in July 2012. My YA novel, The Door at the Crossroads, was a finalist in the Speculative Fiction category of the 2017 Cybils Awards, and my picture book, Melena’s Jubilee, won a 2017 Skipping Stones Honor Award. I received the Children’s Literature Association’s Article Award for my 2014 essay, “The Trouble with Magic: Conjuring the Past in New York City Parks.”

I am an advocate for greater diversity and equity in publishing, and I have self-published numerous illustrated books for younger readers under my own imprint, Rosetta Press; 3 were named Best of the Year by the Bank Street Center for Children’s Literature, and Benny Doesn’t Like to Be Hugged is a first-grade fiction selection for the 2019 Scripps National Spelling Bee.

Dragons in a Bag, a middle grade fantasy novel, was published by Random House in 2018; the Association for Library Service to Children (ALSC) named it a Notable Children’s Book. Its sequel, The Dragon Thief, was named a Best Middle Grade Book of 2019 by CBC Books. The fifth book in the series, The War of the Witches, will be published in January 2024. The prequel will be self-published in 2024.

Say Her Name, a young adult poetry collection, was published by Little, Brown Books for Young Readers in January 2020; it was named a 2020 Book of the Year for Young People by Quill & Quire and a 2020 “Best of the Best” YA Title by the Black Caucus of the American Library Association; it was also a nominee for the YALSA 2021 Excellence in Nonfiction Award and a Top Ten title for Rise: A Feminist Book Project. Say Her Name won the 2021 Lion and the Unicorn Award for Excellence in North American Poetry.

A Place Inside of Me: a Poem to Heal the Heart from FSG was named an ALA Notable Book and a Notable Poetry Book by the National Council of Teachers of English; it won a 2021 Skipping Stones Honor Award and Noa Denmon won the Caldecott Honor Award for her stunning illustrations. Moonwalking (FSG 2022), a middle grade verse novel co-authored with Lyn Miller-Lachmann earned four starred reviews and was a Junior Library Guild Gold Standard Selection; it made the NYPL and Bank Street College of Education’s Best Books of 2022 lists, was one of Kirkus Reviews’ 100 Best Middle Grade Books, and made the 2023 Notable Books for a Global Society list. The National Education Association has selected Moonwalking for its 2024 Read Across America program.

I was honored to

Reviews

[Elizabeth]

I really appreciate that in the Author's Note at the back, Elliott addresses a bunch of the concerns I had.  (And, thank fuck, she does not include Autism Speaks in the "Resources" section.)

Author's Note

I am not autistic, not am I an expert on ASD (autism spectrum disorder). I wrote this story because two of my friends have autistic sons and though I try to create inclusive books, I realized I didn't have any stories that represent neurodiversity. I have also marveled at the way my friends advocate tirelessly for their sons, both of whom are Black and so face additional challenges in a society set on disciplining Black boys. All children deserve a book that mirrors their reality, and I wanted to center an autistic Black boy in a story that celebrates difference.

I consider myself to be a highly sensitive person (HSP), and I've often wondered what it would be like to have experienced heightened sensitivity as a child. When I shared this story with a friend who has Asperger syndrome, she urged me to consider telling the story from Benny's point of view. Many fictional books about autistic children are told from the perspective of a family member or a friend, and I'm afraid my book continues that trend. I was heartened, however, when Dorothy read the book and thanked me for giving Benny a friend. One book can't represent the range of experiences and children on the autism spectrum, but I hope Benny and his friend offer readers a model of compassion and understanding.

I don't love everything about this Author's Note.

This book was published in 2017. In 2013, the DSM-5 (2013) removed "Asperger's syndrome" as an official diagnosis (merging it with "autistic disorder" into "autism spectrum disorder [ASD]"), and more recently I've heard concerns about Hans Asperger's Nazi eugenics connections.  (I don't know how long that discourse has been going on, since I'm only intermittently plugged into the autistic community.) Though certainly plenty of people continue to identify with their "Asperger" diagnosis.

I've been aware of concern about "high-functioning"/"low-functioning" terminology and have more recently encountered additional criticisms of the term "spectrum."

But I do appreciate that she acknowledges this isn't an #OwnVoices story and, further, acknowledges the potential problematics of telling Yet Another story that isn't told from the POV of the character with the marginalized identity.

She thanks 3 of her friends "for sharing their experiences and expertise," and I assume that's the 2 moms-of-autistic-kids and the 1 friend-with-Asperger-syndrome. I wish she had leaned on more than 1 Actually Autistic person, and I'm curious what research she did in writing this book. (Not that I have any particular problems with the book itself, I just think it's really important to center #OwnVoices when learning about experiences not your own.)

***

Her list of resources is primarily focused on autistic folks of color, which I appreciate, given the stereotype of autism as = white male.  Did I go through this list in an attempt to confirm that none of them is terrible?  Yup, yup I did.

* The Color of Autism (African American specific) -- I dislike that the Resources page includes an Autism Speaks resource (oh, cool, and they have a program coming soon that is funded by Autism Speaks)
* Autism in Black
* Hatching Hope Foundation ("Hatching Hope Foundation (HHF) was founded in 2013 by a group of stakeholders who wanted to address the challenges faced by underserved and low income minority families in North Texas living with autism.") -- I'm uncomfortable with this closing line on the splash page from the Executive Director: "The HHF is totally committed to increasing awareness of the growing epidemic of autism and its impact in our local communities." Why we gotta use "epidemic" language like autism is a curse?
* The Chaka Supports Autism Initiative -- the ChakaFoundation.org website doesn't exist anymore, but I do not love that in 2013 Chaka Khan supported "curing" autism
* HollyRod Foundation -- ugh, this lists Autism Speaks prominently on its Resources pages.  Like, literally, "The HollyRod foundation is dedicated to providing compassionate care to those living with autism and Parkinson’s disease," and its Resources page in its entirety is 2 Autism Speaks resources and iParkinsons.com
* Wrong Planet -- this is a general site, founded by a white-appearing autistic man
* DragonBee Press -- this is AutisticGirls.com

Excluding these last 2, I don't get the impression that the orgs on this list have Actually Autistic folks on their boards.  Hatching Hope lists its staff, and almost all of them have autistic children in their families, but none appear to be autistic themselves.    The Color of Autism was founded by a woman with an autistic son.  "After Holly and Rodney’s eldest son, RJ, was diagnosed with autism, HollyRod’s mission expanded to provide resources to families affected by an autism diagnosis."  Chaka Khan's nephew is autistic.  Etc.

(I personally would have included the Autistic Women & Nonbinary Network in my Resource list -- shout-out to the book All the Weight of Our Dreams: On Living Racialized Autism .)

[Ashley Adams · Rating 5 out of 5]

One of the best books I've seen about being friends with a neurodiverse child.

[Bean · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is lyrically told, beautifully illustrated, and great for all ages of readers. Benny is an autistic Black child, whose experiences and personhood are celebrated in this glowing story. I loved getting to know Benny through his personality, favorite activities, and his community -- his family, his best friend (the narrator), and his classmates (which include kids who are indigenous, Muslim, gender non-conforming, and disabled). Benny has particular needs around connection, loud noise, and processing his emotions, and Benny's best friend loves him dearly: "true friends accept each other just the way they are." Through the incredible art of illustrator Purple Wong, readers learn that there are many alternatives to hugging, when we want to connect with others.

It's no secret that children's books deeply reflect the society we live in. It's not just that white main characters dominate the shelves of libraries and bookstores; white authors also tend to depict Black and brown children in stereotypical ways. BENNY DOESN'T LIKE TO BE HUGGED is, in many ways, an #ownvoices book, in that a Black author is telling the story of Black children (though the author explains at the end of the book that she is not autistic). Speaking of the author's note: don't miss it! Elliott describes her process in writing, researching, and taking feedback from her friends and fellow writers. I was happy to see the influence of Debbie Reese, the genius behind https://americanindiansinchildrenslit...

[Stephanie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Benny does like cupcakes without sprinkles and he likes his shirts with no wrinkles.

About a particular boy who likes to have fun and be quiet sometimes with friends. Cute story.

[Jared White · Rating 4 out of 5]

Hooray for lots of diversity (racial, ethnic, and Autism representation) and for a book that teaches respect for personal space!

This book is told from Benny's friend's perspective and is about things he likes and doesn't like. I like that it shows his friend start to hug him but then his friend points out to the reader that he doesn't like it, because I think many kids (and adults) probably do start to go in for a hug before remembering certain people do not like them. Also, instead of Benny gathering into a group hug after a soccer game, it shows him giving a high five instead.

Also, I like how the pictures represent different kinds of diversity in the background (i.e. a girl wearing a hijab and a person in a wheelchair), it's such a natural way to add another layer of diversity to a book.

[Rebecca · Rating 5 out of 5]

Benny Doesn’t Like to Be Hugged written by Zetta Elliott and illustrated by Purple Wong was published in 2017. This picture book for grades kindergarten through second, was a five star or green recommendation on the Social Justice Books website and it was recommended and positively reviewed by the School Library Journal (SLJ).
Benny Doesn’t Like to Be Hugged is a story, written in rhyming verse, told from the point of view of a young girl, about her friend named Benny. Written in a single page spread with one verse on the left and the illustration on the right, the young girl describes what Benny likes to do when they are together, the simple and same snack he likes to eat, and the “quiet” friends he plays with at school. Followed by an illustration of Benny’s birthday party on the right and the phrase “But Benny doesn’t like to be hugged.” The story continues with three rhyming verses describing what Benny likes and what he can do, and the phrase is repeated. This pattern changes with two sets of rhyming verses describing how Benny reacts, acts, and even cries when they play, but the young girl tells how Benny is still her best friend.
This is a lovely story about friendship and acceptance through the eyes of a six year old. The author and illustrator work together to use the bright colored illustrations and delightful rhyming verses to “show” how Benny is at parties, at school, on field trips, and other scenarios describing a child with autism. The author is an “outsider” in terms of not being autistic or an “expert”, but the author cites the resources used in research about autism and how it also relates to Benny being a young, Black boy. In her author’s note at the back of the book, Zetta Elliott, an “insider” as a Black author, expands on the topic of autism and highlighting the main character Benny as a Black boy in a celebration of differences. The author also explains that she wrote this book because she has friends that have sons with autism, and she incorporated a Native American logo within the story to represent Indigenous peoples. The illustrator, Purple Wong from Hong Kong, included a variety of diverse characters within the illustrations. There are girls and boys that are Black, Asian, White, Hispanic or Latino, and other illustrations of diverse characters represented in children and adults in the story. Also, diversity is represented through the illustrations of girls and boys in wheelchairs, wearing noise cancelling headphones, and wearing glasses.
I would use this book as a read aloud with my friends in kindergarten and first grade as part of a Social Emotional Learning lesson on everyone being special. After reading the book, I would provide opportunities for the students to talk about what they notice in the illustrations, calling attention to the faces of characters and how they feel and how the students know. Like the young girl in the wheelchair smiling as she plays basketball with her friend. I would also continue the lesson with writing having the students write I am unique like a star because ____________. Another lesson I would use this book for is rhyming. Kindergarten students can be encouraged to find the words that rhyme in the story. For my first and second grade students, I would use this book to show how a story can be written in verses that rhyme the way the author does. I would then have students work in pairs to create and write their own story using rhyming verse. I would also use this book with my first and second grade students as a lesson in illustrating and incorporating diverse characters in illustrations in a story. There are many unique, special, and diverse lessons that can be taught using the book Benny Doesn’t Like to Be Hugged.

[Marissa Bonham]

This book is about a young boy named Benny who struggles with physical affection, particularly hugging. The story follows Benny as he learns more about his own personal boundaries and how to communicate his needs with others. This story teaches children the importance of respecting personal boundaries and understanding that everyone has different comfort levels with physical touch. It also teaches about empathy, as it encourages children to recognize and respect the feelings of others, especially when those feelings may differ from our own. I can use this book in my future classroom to spark discussions about empathy and understanding as well as encouraging students to be considerate of each other's needs and differences.

[Veronica McFarlin]

Benny's friend narrates the book and tells us about some different things that Benny does and doesn't like. She takes us through some ways in which Benny might be different than the other kids. She explains how Benny's dislikes don't bother her though because they are friends, and good friends care about each other and make the effort to respect each other's likes and dislikes.

I would definitely include this book in the classroom. It's a great read for a unit on friendship and inclusion. We see that Benny doesn't always get along with the other kids or fit in with them, but it does a great job emphasizing that that is okay and a good friend respects these things.

[Cara Byrne · Rating 4 out of 5]

“Benny likes clothes that don’t have any wrinkles. Benny can name the brightest star – and he knows why it twinkles. But Benny doesn’t like to be hugged.” Told from the first person perspective of Benny’s unnamed friend, this picture book helps children recognize and accept differences – whether in eating habits, communication styles or preferences. With its simple sentences and rich, colorful illustrations, this picture book shows that friendship can grow and blossom even when two friends see the world differently.

[Cassandra Hoso · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really enjoyed this story due to the rhyming, and the way the author showed unique characteristics of her autistic friend. I think it’s important for children to realize how autistic children have different personality traits, and how important it is to accept children for who they are. I also really liked the illustrations of the book. I think this story really shows how children should appreciate differences of others. I think this book is a great book for children to be introduced to autism.

[Meghan]

This book is about Benny and the things he likes, but also the things that he does not like. Benny is autistic and some things make him angry or upset and his best friend accepts him for who he is and will do things differently for Benny because they know that everyone is different. This book would be good to include in the classroom to show that not everyone likes the same things and that's totally okay. Some students may want to walk into the classroom everyday greeted with a hug and some others prefer nothing at all. None of those choices are bad, it just makes us unique.

[Alissa Pletcher · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is an example in inclusivity from the first page to the last. The book text never mentions the word "autism". It just talks about the endearing character Benny and ways he is different from his friend, the narrator. The illustrations are darling. Benny's quirks are relatable. I think every kid should read this book so they know how to treat their autistic classmates - like the wonderful friends they are!

[Alize Benitez · Rating 5 out of 5]

This story is told by a child who is friends with an autistic child. It discusses the things he likes and doesn't like. It shows how he acts and what he knows. It also shows how you can accommodate him. It teaches love and kindness and that being different is okay and special. I would use this in my class to teach students about autism and how just like everyone of us people with autism are different but they should not be shamed for it. It it a truly simple and beautiful book.

[Natalie · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a story about Benny who is a young boy who has Autism. The story talks about how Benny likes things a certain way and that he does not like being hugged. But he has a great friend who doesn't think twice about how he makes his choices because that's what true friends accept each other just the way they are. This would be great to have in the classroom to show my future students that sometimes it's ok not to hug someone or do things a certain way.

[Gabby Belanski · Rating 5 out of 5]

Beautiful story that demonstrates children’s ability and willingness to understand and accept their friends. Depicts some experiences those with autism may really to, and reiterates the acceptance of all people. Would be a nice read aloud to start a conversation about creating an accepting environment that all people feel safe in. This could also be a nice pick for independent reading because of the repetition and simple sentences.

[Monica · Rating 5 out of 5]

Star rating: 5
Copyright: 2017
Genre: Realistic Fiction
Theme (s): Autism; Inclusion; Friendship; Diversity

I love this book! It is such a sweet story about a young girl who is friends with a boy who has Autism. This would be such a great book to use as a read-aloud while building classroom community.

[Abby Houk · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is a great way to teach children about boundaries and sensory issues. Even if some children are a little different than others, they are just as important and special. Children with disabilities might need things done a little differently, but that doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with them. The book also has children of different cultures and abilities represented in the images

[Jennifer Glaser · Rating 5 out of 5]

This story is such a great example to show students and others that everyone is different and unique in their own way when it comes to what makes them comfortable around classmates or people. Noise levels will bother Benny due to his autism. Teaching students and children that we should accept everyone for who they are.

[Kim · Rating 4 out of 5]

A picture book from Benny's best friend's perspective. She tells everyone about all the things he likes and a few things that he doesn't. But it's no big deal b/c you love your friends for who they are. Nice introduction to autism.

[Kate Buechler · Rating 5 out of 5]

I need to read more Zetta Elliott books immediately.

[Melodie · Rating 4 out of 5]

The world needed this book, and I am so glad it now exists. Short and simple enough for a toddler or preschool storytime, with a great big message.

[LaLa · Rating 5 out of 5]

So good. Stock it on your shelves. Buy it for your children. Read it to your class.

[Wylaina · Rating 4 out of 5]

About autism, but not own voices.

[Elaine Fultz, Teacher Librarian, MLS · Rating 3 out of 5]

Benny, an autistic friend of the female narrator, enjoys many of the same activities she does, except hugging. This is an effective primer/reflection of having an autistic friend or classmate.

[Avid Reader · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great book to help children learn about autism and embracing differences!

[Siskiyou-Suzy · Rating 5 out of 5]

A wonderful book; I adore it.

[Kathleen]

Neurodivergent content: narrator describes her autistic friend

[RaiseThemRighteous · Rating 4 out of 5]

https://raisethemrighteous.com/2018/0...

Benny Doesn’t Like to Be Hugged (2017), written by the brilliant and prolific Zetta Elliott and richly illustrated by Purple Wong, is a sweet and accessible story about the relationship between a boy with autism spectrum disorder (ASD) and his sister. At the end of the book, Elliott provides a detailed note about her investment in creating inclusive children’s books. She discusses wanting to write a book about autism with a Black male protagonist because society takes such a punitive stance on Black boys. The beautiful brown-skinned children Wong illustrates, as well as the diverse cast of characters both children interact with throughout the story, are wonderfully inclusive of different abilities, religions, and races. Benny Doesn’t Like to Be Hugged is a much needed text that celebrates difference and subtly shatters stereotypes while introducing a young autistic boy to readers through the eyes of his loyal and loving sister.The story begins with descriptions of Benny’s enjoyment of grapes and toy trains. The narrator then explains Benny’s reactions to various social situations. For instance, at school Benny likes to play with “quite kids.” He is shown working cooperatively, and silently, with two peers, as a group of diverse students are glimpsed through the window playing tag and basketball.

Besides trains and grapes, Benny has other, more particular likes and dislikes. He doesn’t like hugs, wrinkled clothes, or sprinkles on his cupcakes. But, Benny is smart. His love for space is introduced on the cover where his t-shirt and kite both depict rocket ships, and within the story through a description of his knowledge of stars.

Along with many likes and dislikes, Benny has behaviors that may be confusing for children unfamiliar with ASD to understand. He cries in music class because the noise is too loud and is depicted twirling in circles by himself on a field trip to the zoo. He doesn’t always laugh at jokes and can get very upset over seemingly little things.

The narrator is glad to be her brother’s friend even if some of his actions are disconcerting. She models good behavior for young readers. In one image the siblings are shown eating thanksgiving dinner together. The narrator assures the reader: “If he needs things done a certain way, I don’t give it a second thought.” And, in the closing image the siblings stare at a wintry landscape as Benny points at a star with a big smile on his face. The text reads: “…being different is what makes us unique – like a snowflake or a star.”

Bright full-page illustrations make this a wonderful addition to classroom libraries, and simple sentences make it a great choice for early readers. We need more books about autism, and this text is accessible even to very young audiences of three or four. I highly recommend Benny Doesn’t Like to Be Hugged for home or school libraries and see it working well in classrooms with children 4 to 7 years-old.

[Jillian · Rating 4 out of 5]

A book that is beneficial for my elementary library collection to represent kids on the autism spectrum from the standpoint of a friend who is understanding and accepting of all that entails in her friend, Benny. Lays out his unique characteristics in a non-judgmental way that will appeal to kids. Though it does feel a little bit forced at times - in both the rhyming prose and the illustrations that seem to represent a large variety of cultures and identities, yet with many kids not repeated so it seems they are not all in the same class making it feel less natural/realistic.