Princessa

by Harriet Rubin

Book by Rubin, Harriet.

Genres: Nonfiction, Business, Philosophy, Self Help, Politics, Feminism, Psychology

200 pages, Paperback

First published March 17, 1997

Reviews

[Scribble Orca · Rating 1 out of 5]

Good grief. This woman must have been paid by masculinists to write this tripe. No self-respecting reader of either gender could fail to see what a load of apologistic, drowning-in-cliches and pandering-to-the-ego codswallop this comprises. Avoid.

[Lady Entropy · Rating 1 out of 5]

This book lost me the moment it told me the tale of "Sun Tzu and the concubines", (according to the author, his only defeat) -- the variant that the author thought she should censor to fit her pretty picture of a book:

A king of China wanted Sun Tzu to prove that he could make a soldier out of anyone, so he handed him his concubines, had them lined in multiple rows in the courtyard, and told him to get to it. With Sun Tzu barking orders, the concubines giggled, and refused to do what he told them to -- unresisting power, or somesuch tripe according to the author. And, alas, Sun Tzu could do nothing in face of such wymin powah and had to admit defeat.

Except the author deliberately keeps out an important detail of the story -- the ending.


When the concubines start giggling, Sun Tzu calls the guards in attendance -- and proceeds to have the entire first row of concubines slaughtered, for failing to follow orders.

There are several versions, some say he needed to slaughter a few more rows, some say that one was enough, some say that only two of the concubines (the favourites of the King)named as leaders were killed, but the truth is that, in the end, the Concubines were jumping hoops, bending backwards and doing everything Sun Tzu ordered them.

So, this wasn't even a moral victory for the women, who preferred to do as they were told rather than dying. And the man, with his man-tactics, still won in the end against the "female way to do things".

Also, the author clearly never realized (or learned) that The Prince was written SARCASTICALLY. Machiavelli did not want to write the book, was pretty much forced to do it, and thus the entire book is a massive "fuck you" to the ruler, and pretty much is the opposite of the views of Machiavelli on how a proper ruler should act.

[K.M. Weiland · Rating 4 out of 5]

A charming, inspiring, and empowering little book for women.

[Jill Barrett · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is the second time I've read this book. First time was in my twenties. I didn't have a clue - the book was entirely over my head and I thought it unnecessary. Now that I'm in my late thirties with some real world experience, I get it. It's brilliant. Rubin shares strategies and tactics that leverage unique feminine qualities so women can get what they want out of life. No apologies. The key to the power of the princessa, according to Rubin, is "you don't control another person; you can only take command of yourself in the situation you find yourself in." Essentially, when you look inside yourself, you see your desires clearly and these desires are more powerful than any command and control actions you want to use on others.

[queen esther · Rating 5 out of 5]

simply put, this book changed my life.

it's a deceptively small slim book (i read it in a day and have reread it many times since), and if you're a woman, it's essential reading for three reasons: 1. the basic premise is that everything is war and as a woman, you are as strong if not stronger than a man, not by behaving as he does, but by being your own feminine self, as fully and as completely as you know how to be and on your own terms; 2. you win not by destroying your opponent but by besting them; 3. when you go to war,you have your own history from which to draw your strength to accomplish this -- and you also have your own female tools.

after i read this book, the rose colored glasses came off -- and i never put them back on again. i looked at men and women and the way they interacted with each other differently. i looked at myself differently. i carried myself differently. i was more aware of who i am, what i have, what its worth, and i never again took any of it for granted.

all of a sudden, i looked at women differently. i began to carefully observe, all while paying close attention to my own behavior. watching certain women simply be their feminine selves taught me a LOT.

i could tell by the way that some of them behaved that they had already figured all of this out on their own, somehow -- or they hadn't and were defeated, for the most part. the ones who knew their own power had carefully honed their skills over time. and because the men they dealt with weren't used to being on the receiving end of this velocity of estrogen, there were moments when they were genuinely flummoxed. powerful stuff.

this is a book that i reread passages of periodically. i use it to sharpen my tools every so often and to remind me of a basic truth that has become something of a mantra in my life: to be as powerful as a man, i don't have to turn myself into one. in this day and age, that's quite a revelation.

[Polina · Rating 1 out of 5]

Very strange an ambiguous writing style, the only reason I kept reading was because it was so bizarre and I could not believe someone managed to produce a whole book written like this. The advise itself, when I could make any sense of what is written was only somewhat useful, I can not quite imagine it leading to a happy and fulfilling life.

[Virginia Li · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is one of my favorite books of all time. My mom gave this book to me, dog eared and underlined, and I could tell from the pen markings and notes that this had been something that had helped her immensely when she was young.
Sure, I agree with some people that this book strays in some ways and not everything she says is necessarily true, but first of all, this book was written a long time ago and might have some biases, and second, even though I did not agree with everything I feel like the parts that i did agree with was extremely helpful and wise, she provides insight that I have never head before and was extremely inspiring.
This book's title contains the words " For woman" but i do not feel that it applies to woman alone, rather every person in spite of sex, age, position in life, will benefit immensely from some of the things said in this book.
Harriet Rubin tells you how to stay in control, and stay in the right mindset towards the world and towards success. It provides excellent words and advise for how to treat you desires, a quote I love from the book is:
"A lover is any fighter who believes her desires are shared by the world A lover feels the sun shines for her. She lives in a dream world where everything is possible. Most people live in their dreams but don't make them real. They act as if there is some dividing line between the two. There is none, "
I agree immensely with these statements, and have found great inspiration in them.
This book also teaches you how to take control of your life and desires: not to teach you to oppress them, but rather teach you how no to be oppressed by them. When you go after something that you absolutely desire, be it in business or in health, etc, you can want it, want it with all your might, and fight for it. but afterwards, you don't obsess with it, you are not controlled by it, you do not internalize any of them. "Your master is he who controls that on which you have set your heart or wish to avoid. This is extremely wise and has helped in in immense, immense measures.
Overall, this book is not like any normal, cliche self help books these days that focus on the shallow and appearance. in contrast, as shown in previous examples, it is extremely wise and authentic, giving you the truth in life, that help you gain, success, happiness, strength, power, control (of yourself) , and freedom.
I strongly recommend you and anyone to read this book, no matter who you are- student, teacher, business man/woman, etc.

[Krista · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read this book nearly a decade ago, at which time it helped give me the courage to change my life into what I had envisioned. I took some huge risks and had some great adventures. I find myself in transition again and I have returned for a second dose of inspiration.

[J · Rating 2 out of 5]

This is not a book of strategies for women. This is a condescending book of would-be literary platitudes. I can get behind the author's assertion that women cannot achieve and hold power the same way that men do, but she never quite gets around to the actual how of it.

"She knows that if she stands a certain way, in a certain proximity, or moves with a specific speed, she determines her opponents' emotions and behaviors." (Chapter 10)

What are these stances? Which stance corresponds to which desired emotion/behavior in the opponent? What distance achieves these effects? Who knows? The author certainly doesn't; or, if she does, she does not care to share that with her readers.

[Lisette Muntslag · Rating 1 out of 5]

My sister told me to read it but I could not stomach the garbage that advises women to use what is between their legs to get in positions of power. A total disgrace for those men and women who stood up to defend the human dignity of women.

[Wanny Dorrejo · Rating 3 out of 5]

De cada libro aprendemos algo nuevo y este me dejo un mensaje muy claro, que deberíamos como mujer ser la paz en medio de la guerra pero nunca dejar de luchar.

Para nosotras las mujeres este mundo es difícil, ya que nos ven como el sexo débil y esto en parte ha sido culpa de nosotras por que nos tratamos como si fuéramos el sexo débil. La autora hace un trabaja esplendido en recolectar datos de la historia y demostrarnos como grandes mujeres saca el poder que llevan en el interior y se vuelven parte de este mundo.

Recordemos, La vela siempre brilla mas en la oscuridad.

El libro transmite un muy buen mensaje pero tiene oportunidades de mejoras en la parte de la redacción para que pueda enganchar al lector.

[Leah · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is one of those times when you should NOT judge a book by its cover. In my opinion, this book is not just for women. It's about our greatest power on earth, and that is to love. This is much like Pema Chodron's "When Things Fall Apart" except it gives you strategies to take action in the real world and become that spiritual warrior in your day-to-day life. And it's always from the standpoint that our greatest power is to align with, not fight against our "enemies," whoever they may be. Just read it!

[Cinthya Sava · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.5 ⭐️

[Carla Parreira]

A leitura fala sobre a mulher ‘Maquiavela’: a que exerce seus poderes exigindo inteligentemente o que quer e merece, uma lutadora astuta e uma soberana enérgica. Vou colocar um pouco sobre ‘uma princesa’: Vencer implica assumir a si mesma. A princesa sabe tornar-se uma mulher que harmoniza os opostos. As grandes guerreiras sabem que a violência é a aliada do amor; o confronto é aliado da paz; a bravura é aliada da vulnerabilidade.
Ao longo da história as princesas tiveram uma qualidade essencial em comum: viveram suas vidas como pessoas para quem o triunfo é um direito nato. Elas são favoráveis à guerra, ao conflito, ao confronto. Desde a mais tenra idade elas se caracterizam como diferentes das outras. Elas são solitárias. Mesmo no seio de suas famílias, sentem-se estranhas, e reconhecem isso como poder. Isso não as embaraça; as inspira. As mulheres poderosas da historia cobiçaram o poder de ficar à parte. Isso lhes deu a oportunidade de adquirir mais do que autoconfiança: o auto-amor. Tais mulheres parecem autocontroladas, misteriosas, e isso explica o fascínio que elas exercem sobre os outros.
Essas mulheres tornaram-se extraordinárias porque se colocaram à parte, numa atmosfera psicológica onde não são comparadas com nenhum padrão que não seja o delas mesmas. As princesas acham que não fazem mais do que pode ser feito. Elas podem reconhecer que são espertas, até mesmo inigualáveis: mas não se acham corajosas. Numa situação difícil, elas se comportam como se já tivessem vencido, porque não acreditam que podem perder. As princesas sempre ouviram mais profundamente a segunda voz que existe dentro de todos nós. Elas dizem que essa voz provém de uma posição a distancia, ou seja, do destino. Elas expressam seus desejos com o virtuosismo de uma diva. Nada as detém.
Elas não duvidam de seus desejos; acham que têm direito a seus anseios, e usam a força deles. Elas não acreditam que a vida exija que tenham de escolher entre amor e poder. Elas sabem que à medida que deixa sua luz brilhar, inconscientemente dá às outras pessoas permissão para fazerem o mesmo. Para tornar-se a princesa que pretende ser, será necessário despertar a espiã que existe dentro de você. Uma espiã conhece o método simples e prático de que as pessoas fazem aos outros exatamente o que fazem a si mesmas. Uma espiã não tem pressa. Ela confia que o futuro proverá. Está certa de que conseguirá o que quer. É assim que uma princesa espiã fica livre de controlar as outras pessoas, pois sabe que somente pode assumir o controle de si mesma nas situações em que estiver envolvida.
Essa é uma das suas chaves de poder. Elas sabem claramente que poder é o oposto de comando e controle. Elas insinuam poder e faz disso um segredo mestre. Esse é o ponto de apoio que faz a estratégia funcionar: a alavanca do poder implícito. Ter força é usar o poder que existe no próprio interior. O Príncipe de Maquiavel aprendeu que, em nome do poder, é melhor ser temido e respeitado do que amado. Maquiavel jamais poderia imaginar que o amor é a menos comprometedora das forças.
O amor não precisa comprometer-se; lutar com amor é conseguir um triunfo decisivo. As recompensas superam qualquer coisa que a mente possa esperar. Com conhecimento disso e com posse do sentimento de amor, a princesa se considera uma caçadora destemida. Ela tem um relacionamento diferente com o mundo, pois crê que pode conseguir, que tem o direito de crescer por meio de seus desejos. Para a princesa, que está sempre lutando numa guerra vinda pela retaguarda, superar é o único modo de vencer, porque isso significa vencer em condições adversas. Qualquer um consegue vencer em condições favoráveis, mas somente uma princesa consegue vencer com menos.
É por isso que elas acreditam que o inimigo de hoje é o aliado de amanhã. É desse modo que elas retribuem o mal com o bem, a traição com o amor. Mesmo em pensamento ela sabe a importância de não desafiar seus oponentes.
Ela sabe que sua firmeza começa na maneira pela qual vê a si mesma. As pessoas crescem com as expectativas heróicas que se têm delas. Quanto maiores suas expectativas (não suas exigências), mais os outros tentarão alcançá-las. As expectativas são formuladas com amor; as exigências com raiva. É por esse fator que as princesas encorajam o heroísmo dos adversários transformando-os em colaboradores. Elas sabem convencer o inimigo de que sua posição é um prejuízo para elas e ainda maior para eles próprios.
O livro explicou que devemos reduzir o conflito aos pontos essenciais com uma tática dos cinco porquês para revelar o que está escondido, entretanto não compreendi muito bem esse tópico. A idéia que fica mais clara é a de agirmos como se o poder que procuramos já fosse nosso. Nesse ponto adorei a seguinte frase - ‘lembre-se das regras do desejo: quando você se comporta como se já fosse dona de seus desejos, convence os outros disso’. É legal saber que o poder sempre contém as sementes de sua própria fraqueza e instabilidade.
Essa é a dica para revertermos o controle que qualquer pessoa, ou qualquer coisa, tenha sobre nós. Outro conselho obtido no comportamento de uma princesa é nunca utilizar a vingança ou se penitenciar. Quando fazemos isso o nosso oponente acredita que ele está conseguindo o que quer. Isso nos envolve num misto de orgulho e culpa que enfraquece nossa posição, psicológica e eticamente. É baseado nisso que uma princesa sabe expandir sua vida, ampliar sua mente, usar a flexibilidade para acabar com os limites. Cada nova pessoa, idéia ou situação favorece aquele que as espera.
Uma princesa precisa destruir as coisas meio mortas de sua vida, da mesma maneira que um incêndio na floresta destrói a terra estéril e a prepara para um novo crescimento.
O livro ensina que devemos providenciar um fim claro e limpo sem nos equivocar caindo fora da situação antes de colher todos os ensinamentos necessários. Também gostei da parte que ensina a não temermos os ‘nãos’. Uma princesa sabe dar às pessoas a chance de lhe dizerem ‘não’. Se elas o disserem o bastante, se sentirão obrigadas a voltar a você com um ‘sim’ como compensação. Devemos pedir tudo porque não vale a pena ter nada menos do que isso.
As pessoas ficam mais dispostas a dar se nosso pedido as desafiar a serem heróicas. Pedir coisas pequenas faz com que quem pede e quem dá sintam-se pequenos. As pessoas entregam-se às grandes idéias e às grandes aventuras mais apaixonadamente do que às pequenas. Outra parte que adorei fala para dizermos a verdade e agirmos de acordo com ela. Se dissermos a um oponente o que ele deseja ouvir e não o que realmente pensamos, nós tentamos manipular a situação e imperceptivelmente transmitimos toda nossa covardia. Diz o livro que nós nos denunciamos pelas menores ações e concordo muito com isso.
Portanto, para se tornar uma princesa com poder, é preciso ter a força de dizer sempre a verdade. A verdade é a mais poderosa das armas, porque as pessoas são demasiadamente fracas para resistir a ela. Fale a verdade já de início e ninguém poderá feri-la. Sendo verdadeira não precisa ter pressa. Assuma o comando quando estiver preparada e os acontecimentos naturalmente chegarão ao auge. Torne-se por inteiro a personificação da imagem que seu adversário teme. Mostre que você confia no seu oponente. Expresse sua confiança em que seu oponente não deseja magoar você ou qualquer outra pessoa.
Explique-lhe como ele não perderá nada por ajudá-la ou juntar-se a você; ele de fato só terá a ganhar. Sua disposição deve ser a de dar ao oponente a oportunidade de mudar e passar para o seu lado. É desse modo que uma princesa sabe apoiar-se em si mesma tanto no sofrimento quanto no triunfo. Parece-me um tanto confuso entender tudo isso e complicado colocar as dicas de uma princesa em prática, mas uma delas aparenta-se simples: deixar os nossos erros nos mudarem. Quando fazemos isso, aceitamos o sofrimento, até mesmo a perda ou a humilhação e assim fazemos nosso objetivo ser mais importante que nosso ego.
Uma princesa sabe a diferença entre as coisas das quais tem poder e aquelas sobre as quais não tem. Se desejarmos ardentemente o que não é nosso, perdemos o que o é. Em outras palavras, se nós colocamos todo o emprenho na saúde, no amor, no prazer ou na carreira, nos arrependeremos. Nenhuma dessas coisas está inteiramente sob nosso poder. Devemos querer as coisas que são importantes para nós, desejá-las e armar-nos de uma estratégia para consegui-las, mas nunca as levar muito a sério. É assim que devem ser tratadas as coisas às quais damos mais valor: com indiferença.
Nós lutamos pelos objetivos sem os interiorizar e isso faz com que não sejamos escravos dos próprios desejos. Quando conquistamos algo caindo na armadilha errônea de nos julgarmos na posse de nossas vitórias, elas simplesmente não nos trazem paz e nem alegria. Isso ocorre pelo seguinte motivo: quando tentamos controlar aquilo que não nos pertence, perdemos o que nos pertence. Até então essas frases parecem difíceis de serem entendidas, mas a explicação básica é que não podemos controlar nada, a não ser a nossa própria percepção.
A questão é que não temos nada mais do que a visão de cada situação. Por fim, o livro diz que a paz surge durante os acontecimentos e não como a conseqüência deles. O gosto da paz só pode ser sentido se estivermos no coração da guerra. É por isso que nos momentos de medo devemos lembrar que uma vela brilha com mais intensidade quando está na escuridão.

[Kater Cheek · Rating 2 out of 5]

This was recommended to me by a friend of a friend, and since it was short and easy to read, I put it to the top of my reading queue. It's a philosophy book, sort of, and a how-to book, sort of, and a self-help book, sort of.

I haven't ever read _Il Princip_ by Machiavelli, though of course I've heard it referred to. This book seeks to provide a feminine counterpoint to that. Machiavelli says basically that you have to be cruel, that nice guys finish last, that it's better to be feared than loved, etc. This book says that love is your (you being the female reader) greatest weapon, that you shouldn't try to diminish other people, but bond with them and then make them better than they were.

On one hand, Rubin has some interesting ideas that make a lot of sense. I like the idea that you don't win by playing the game, you win by subverting the rules of the game so that you get what you want without making anyone lose. If you're philosophically minded, I can see why you might like to keep this book around and reread it for insight.

The thing is, if I believed everything she said, I this would be an awesome guidebook for life. But I don't believe everything she says. Some of the role models she holds up as being paragons are ones that I don't necessarily admire (Ayn Rand, eg.) Others she criticizes for being flawed, when I don't see their decisions as flaws (Hilary Clinton, eg.) I just don't trust her ideas to work. Also, it waxed a little poetic (ie. incomprehensible) on occasion.

That said, it wasn't unreadable, and best of all, it was a diversion from my normal reading fare, so for that reason I found it interesting.

[Shelley · Rating 4 out of 5]

From my earliest days I have seen myself as "different from others", don't consider myself brave though others do, treat destiny as my mentor, revel in my emotional life, don't believe I must choose between power and love, and I like disrupting the status quo. This book validated my belief that women can have power and strength, supported that the voice of self-defeat must be muted! Helped me learn new ways of looking at femininity and the goddesses. Enjoyed it very much!

[Rita Booker-Solymosi · Rating 4 out of 5]

Reading it for the second time after more than a decade. Happy to rediscover what I'd taken from it, and how I'm still practicing some of her suggestions. But even greater is the benefit of gaining a fresh perspective on events I experienced since the first reading. The author tripped me up with so many references to literature or theories I didn't know ten years ago. It all makes more sense now. And it makes me feel like I'm on the right path. Phew, what a great external validation!

[A · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read this book about ten years ago. I am reading it again and I find it really helpful. There are several levels it can be read on--she does delve some into spiritual levels, and the overall advice is healthy rather than destructive and short-sighted. I recommend this book to friends I think would benefit from it.

[Barbara Ab · Rating 1 out of 5]

Scritto malissimo e forse anche tradotto malissimo. La scrittrice non ha il dono della presentazione e spiegazione dei concetti secondo me. Non ha metodo di scrittura per un saggio. Molte cose di cui parla le conoscevo già e ho potuto intuire cosa voleva scrivere, ma è una lettura veramente improponibile.

[Shanna Matheo · Rating 5 out of 5]

I LOVE this book. It changed my life. It changed how I view myself, how I view the world, how I interact with the world, how I behave in my relationships and so much more.

I reread it every few years to remind myself to stay sharp and I find that with each new phase in life I take something new from it. I recommend it to pretty much every woman I know. Some get it, some don't. That's okay.

[Octavia · Rating 5 out of 5]

It is awesome so far! favorite line... "as we are liberated from our fear, our presence automatically liberates others...." I MUST MEET HARRIET RUBIN... I can imagine her weighing each word and strategically composing each sentence...

[Velvetink · Rating 2 out of 5]

total mash up======> no meat












(one of 24 books found today at 2nd hand shop...24 for $10!)

[J · Rating 4 out of 5]

Taking what I can use and leaving the rest.

[Jillian · Rating 1 out of 5]

Maybe it was cute in 1997 to put down other women so you can feel ~different~ and ~singular~ and ~not like other girls~, but that's not the person I want to be. The Girl Boss, who dominates and controls those around her, is not how women will rise together.

Also, what is she SAYING?? If you walk into a meeting wearing a huge sun hat and sunglasses, people are not remembering you because you played with the tension of vulnerability and power, they are remembering that it was hella weird that you came to a meeting hungover from the beach.

Also, Ayn Rand writing a love letter to capitalism is not a GOOD THING to ASPIRE to.

[Laura Montagna · Rating 3 out of 5]

She has some good ideas, but the book is way too long.
Start on page 100 for some clues.
The best idea in the book: make your enemies your new friends, care for their ideas and needs, and add them to your lines.
Another good one: one or more people in a group oppose you, add people to the group; that way more ideas will be heard, and probably your opposition will get minimized.

[Court · Rating 3 out of 5]

There are some nuggets to takeaway...once you get through the strange writing style and the burying of the leads. It's already a short book, but could have been even shorter without some of the extra juxtaposition she throws in that drowns her messaging and confuses the intent of what she's getting after.

[C Bauder]

I found this book in my apartment laundry’s room book bin and IT CHANGED MY LIFE!
Does anyone know where I can purchase this book?!
I have been searching everywhere for over 4+ years, since I lost my first and only copy!!!

[Isabel · Rating 5 out of 5]

Esta é uma abordagem muito interessante e inteligente do poder que as mulheres podem ter se não tiverem medo de o possuir.

Fala de pessoas, histórias e factos que muitos deles não conhecia.

[Julia Dawson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Incredible for me personally right now.

[Imaan Latif · Rating 5 out of 5]

A book that is so important, the teachings are so relevant to today's times.
We must learn and share the knowledge of such treasured information.