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We Generation: Raising Socially Responsible Kids
Engaging and timely, this book is an invaluable resource for parents who want their children to become socially responsible and globally aware adults
As youth culture seems to grow more self-centred and obsessed with "Me,"Michael Ungar shows us that, in fact, children today are as willing as ever to think "We." Given the right signals, and some important changes to the homes we live in, our schools and communities, kids will seek out close connections with the adults in their lives. Like generations before them, they want to be noticed for the contributions they can make. What they need, though, is compassion and encouragement from parents, and some careful attention to their most important connections, those made at home. Combining inspiring stories taken from his clinical work with families and children with expert research gathered from around the world, Ungar reveals how the close connections kids crave, and the support adults provide, can help kids realize their full potential - and how it can also protect them from the dangers of delinquency, whether it be drug abuse, violence, or early sexual activity.
At a time when global issues and activism have come to the forefront, We Generation offers a fresh, optimistic way of thinking about our children’s true nature and potential.
As youth culture seems to grow more self-centred and obsessed with "Me,"Michael Ungar shows us that, in fact, children today are as willing as ever to think "We." Given the right signals, and some important changes to the homes we live in, our schools and communities, kids will seek out close connections with the adults in their lives. Like generations before them, they want to be noticed for the contributions they can make. What they need, though, is compassion and encouragement from parents, and some careful attention to their most important connections, those made at home. Combining inspiring stories taken from his clinical work with families and children with expert research gathered from around the world, Ungar reveals how the close connections kids crave, and the support adults provide, can help kids realize their full potential - and how it can also protect them from the dangers of delinquency, whether it be drug abuse, violence, or early sexual activity.
At a time when global issues and activism have come to the forefront, We Generation offers a fresh, optimistic way of thinking about our children’s true nature and potential.
- GenresParentingNonfiction
248 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 2009
2 people are currently reading
80 people want to read
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November 3, 2013
The world has the potential to be amazing, but apart from glimmerings of awesomeness here and there, the overwhelming conditions are pretty terrible (sorry, Mother Earth). One of the reasons behind such a terrible state of affairs is the pervasive effects of both individualism and consumerism, which has led us away from what human nature is about: advancing both at the individual and at the community level.
Author Michael Ungar does a brilliant job of painting why, in a world that offers them more social connections in one year that a mere couple of generations ago would have had in an entire lifetime, children still feel alone, since they are inherently social creature with a desire to help others. He also does a brilliant job of explaining how parents (as well as teachers and coaches) can help children develop this inherent sense of altruism, enhanced by the shockingly contradictory reality offered by today’s “Me-society.”
The fact of the matter is that parents work day and night to provide their children with tuition to a great school, all basic material amenities and some extras, like a TV, a computer and more toys that they can play with, but nothing can make up for the basic, human one-on-one contact that was such an important part of the lives of previous generations of children.
Ironically enough perhaps, the fact that these children only have an abundant number of superficial connections makes them want to reach out even more, while the decreasing number of deep in-person connections has robbed them of the environment they need to develop the skills and capacities to do so.
So what can parents do? Is everything that they do wrong?
Certainly not, and that’s a great aspect of this book. Rather than assume that parents are all doing something wrong, the author assumes that most parents are loving, caring, and truly want what is best for children. However, because of the almost pervasive influence of the “Me-society” they live in, parents cannot elp but have their parental discourse be influenced by it. This book isn’t meant to make good parents out of bad ones, but rather to help good parents fight off the influence of the “Me-society.”
The book is divided into eight chapters, which the author presents in his preface. The first chapter underlines why and how parents are important, pointing out the things they do for their children out of love in the hopes of keeping them safe and happy, but sometimes that end up doing just the contrary. It ends with a tip list of things a parent can try out.
Chapter Two focuses on the children, on how they react to various parenting styles and on what they do or don’t need. Amongst other topics, it covers that of compassion, of the parents to their child, of the child to his parents and of the family towards the others. It also includes a questionnaire that makes you think about the type of child you have, if he is a citizen of the world or not. It also includes a tip list — as do all the other chapters.
Chapter Three delves more deeply into the relationship between children and adults, while Chapter Four talks about the importance of touch. For as a society, we have been paralysed by the various “bad” touches to avoid even the healthy good ones, and the author shows us how that keep children from developing a true “We-oriented” identity. Chapter Five takes the concept of touch further, delving into the concepts of spiritual and emotional touching, including the confusion that often surrounds the concepts of intimacy and sexuality.
Chapter Six cashes in on the whole deal, prepping parents to invite their children to accept responsibility. It’s a crucial step for them to become socially responsible adults who will help advance their own selves in conjunction with advancing human civilization.
Chapter Seven covers the family’s space — i.e. the home — and how it affects our relationships. While there is a certain critical view about the monster houses typical of new, richer suburban areas, the author chooses to keep the principles basic, so that they could be applied to any form of house that exists. The recommendations in this chapter reinforce those from previous chapters, placing them in a concrete way that would help an overwhelmed parent start making the needed changes to raise socially responsible kids, rather than only responsible kids.
And, finally, the last chapter places the parents, the children and their house within the context of the community, showing how the former can affect the latter.
Throughout the entire text, the author insists on the fact that its contents are fluid; not all applies to all children, and the timelines can differ from child to child. Which is a great reflection of the reality of life nowadays, especially as the diversity of lifestyles continue to multiply as fast as borders fade into the background.
The text is also very action-oriented, for without actually doing something, be it the parents changing things about their parenting style or their lifestyle or actually contributing to the advancement of human civilization, no change can occur. There are some great tips sprinkled throughout the book. On the one hand, it was slightly disappointing; what of the parent who wants to develop the parenting style described in this book, but who doesn’t quite know how?
Fact of the matter is that this is probably a good thing; were the author to have offered a step-by-step and very detailed “recipe,” the parents might have simply followed it without trying to understand where it’s coming from and what it has to do with developing a “We-generation.” Parents have enough pointers to start immediately making a change, but not enough to dictate their every move, which implies they have to sit and reflect thoroughly on their contribution to the change of paradigm and how to instil such values into their child.
Another great aspect of the book is that the author is clear throughout that this is not about teaching children what to say and what to do, but rather encouraging them to learn to express their ideas and bringing out an inherent desire to help others rather than see it stifled in the “Me-world” they live in.
Although it’s pretty complete in answering all the elements of its argument, this book cannot be read alone. From its first pages, it clearly demonstrated that we cannot expect today’s children to consider themselves as socially responsible citizens of the world if adults do not take the steps necessary to become less individualistic and more socially responsible. One way of doing so is by consciously building a framework for social action based on the advancement of human civilization that goes against the “Me Myself and I” mentality that is plaguing our society today. This is a tough achievement to work towards, yet what more rewarding work is there that can at the same time help change the world for the better while establishing a strong bond with the younger generation?
The other thing is that this book provides for a beginning. While encouraging children to develop an outward looking vision of the world they live in and while caring for others and altruism is certainly recommendable, it isn’t enough to change the foundation of the world, upon which an order that created and perpetuates injustice has been built.
Responsibilities seem to be a big way of developing a “We Generation” vision in our children. The author speaks of giving responsibilities to them often enough through our book. But it’s a little limited. One major weakness is that the activities suggested that are meant to develop a child’s sense of “We” are too punctual. Yes, it’s great to contribute money to charity or to volunteer at a soup kitchen, but there is already a lot of that and not much long term and big positive change has come from it. Rather we need the kind of commitment to make everything about our lives about “We” rather than “Me.”
Another thing that I felt glimmerings of is the fact that parents have to be humble enough to allow children to learn from their mistakes and become better than them as soon as possible. And although the author adopts that approach himself in the reported interactions with various patients, I don’t know if it was reinforced enough throughout the text.
This book is all the more important to pick up now that the Holidays are coming up, and unfortunately this beautiful religious celebration that should be about “We” has become almost exclusively about “Me.” After all, a “We Generation” isn’t about blind compassion given to anyone at anytime; it’s more about developing a framework for social action based on compassion and the development of life skills meant to help children grown into adults that can not only talk about changing the world, but actually bring about deep, important and sustainable change.
(First published on Blogcritics and http://saharsreviews.wordpress.com)
Author Michael Ungar does a brilliant job of painting why, in a world that offers them more social connections in one year that a mere couple of generations ago would have had in an entire lifetime, children still feel alone, since they are inherently social creature with a desire to help others. He also does a brilliant job of explaining how parents (as well as teachers and coaches) can help children develop this inherent sense of altruism, enhanced by the shockingly contradictory reality offered by today’s “Me-society.”
The fact of the matter is that parents work day and night to provide their children with tuition to a great school, all basic material amenities and some extras, like a TV, a computer and more toys that they can play with, but nothing can make up for the basic, human one-on-one contact that was such an important part of the lives of previous generations of children.
Ironically enough perhaps, the fact that these children only have an abundant number of superficial connections makes them want to reach out even more, while the decreasing number of deep in-person connections has robbed them of the environment they need to develop the skills and capacities to do so.
So what can parents do? Is everything that they do wrong?
Certainly not, and that’s a great aspect of this book. Rather than assume that parents are all doing something wrong, the author assumes that most parents are loving, caring, and truly want what is best for children. However, because of the almost pervasive influence of the “Me-society” they live in, parents cannot elp but have their parental discourse be influenced by it. This book isn’t meant to make good parents out of bad ones, but rather to help good parents fight off the influence of the “Me-society.”
The book is divided into eight chapters, which the author presents in his preface. The first chapter underlines why and how parents are important, pointing out the things they do for their children out of love in the hopes of keeping them safe and happy, but sometimes that end up doing just the contrary. It ends with a tip list of things a parent can try out.
Chapter Two focuses on the children, on how they react to various parenting styles and on what they do or don’t need. Amongst other topics, it covers that of compassion, of the parents to their child, of the child to his parents and of the family towards the others. It also includes a questionnaire that makes you think about the type of child you have, if he is a citizen of the world or not. It also includes a tip list — as do all the other chapters.
Chapter Three delves more deeply into the relationship between children and adults, while Chapter Four talks about the importance of touch. For as a society, we have been paralysed by the various “bad” touches to avoid even the healthy good ones, and the author shows us how that keep children from developing a true “We-oriented” identity. Chapter Five takes the concept of touch further, delving into the concepts of spiritual and emotional touching, including the confusion that often surrounds the concepts of intimacy and sexuality.
Chapter Six cashes in on the whole deal, prepping parents to invite their children to accept responsibility. It’s a crucial step for them to become socially responsible adults who will help advance their own selves in conjunction with advancing human civilization.
Chapter Seven covers the family’s space — i.e. the home — and how it affects our relationships. While there is a certain critical view about the monster houses typical of new, richer suburban areas, the author chooses to keep the principles basic, so that they could be applied to any form of house that exists. The recommendations in this chapter reinforce those from previous chapters, placing them in a concrete way that would help an overwhelmed parent start making the needed changes to raise socially responsible kids, rather than only responsible kids.
And, finally, the last chapter places the parents, the children and their house within the context of the community, showing how the former can affect the latter.
Throughout the entire text, the author insists on the fact that its contents are fluid; not all applies to all children, and the timelines can differ from child to child. Which is a great reflection of the reality of life nowadays, especially as the diversity of lifestyles continue to multiply as fast as borders fade into the background.
The text is also very action-oriented, for without actually doing something, be it the parents changing things about their parenting style or their lifestyle or actually contributing to the advancement of human civilization, no change can occur. There are some great tips sprinkled throughout the book. On the one hand, it was slightly disappointing; what of the parent who wants to develop the parenting style described in this book, but who doesn’t quite know how?
Fact of the matter is that this is probably a good thing; were the author to have offered a step-by-step and very detailed “recipe,” the parents might have simply followed it without trying to understand where it’s coming from and what it has to do with developing a “We-generation.” Parents have enough pointers to start immediately making a change, but not enough to dictate their every move, which implies they have to sit and reflect thoroughly on their contribution to the change of paradigm and how to instil such values into their child.
Another great aspect of the book is that the author is clear throughout that this is not about teaching children what to say and what to do, but rather encouraging them to learn to express their ideas and bringing out an inherent desire to help others rather than see it stifled in the “Me-world” they live in.
Although it’s pretty complete in answering all the elements of its argument, this book cannot be read alone. From its first pages, it clearly demonstrated that we cannot expect today’s children to consider themselves as socially responsible citizens of the world if adults do not take the steps necessary to become less individualistic and more socially responsible. One way of doing so is by consciously building a framework for social action based on the advancement of human civilization that goes against the “Me Myself and I” mentality that is plaguing our society today. This is a tough achievement to work towards, yet what more rewarding work is there that can at the same time help change the world for the better while establishing a strong bond with the younger generation?
The other thing is that this book provides for a beginning. While encouraging children to develop an outward looking vision of the world they live in and while caring for others and altruism is certainly recommendable, it isn’t enough to change the foundation of the world, upon which an order that created and perpetuates injustice has been built.
Responsibilities seem to be a big way of developing a “We Generation” vision in our children. The author speaks of giving responsibilities to them often enough through our book. But it’s a little limited. One major weakness is that the activities suggested that are meant to develop a child’s sense of “We” are too punctual. Yes, it’s great to contribute money to charity or to volunteer at a soup kitchen, but there is already a lot of that and not much long term and big positive change has come from it. Rather we need the kind of commitment to make everything about our lives about “We” rather than “Me.”
Another thing that I felt glimmerings of is the fact that parents have to be humble enough to allow children to learn from their mistakes and become better than them as soon as possible. And although the author adopts that approach himself in the reported interactions with various patients, I don’t know if it was reinforced enough throughout the text.
This book is all the more important to pick up now that the Holidays are coming up, and unfortunately this beautiful religious celebration that should be about “We” has become almost exclusively about “Me.” After all, a “We Generation” isn’t about blind compassion given to anyone at anytime; it’s more about developing a framework for social action based on compassion and the development of life skills meant to help children grown into adults that can not only talk about changing the world, but actually bring about deep, important and sustainable change.
(First published on Blogcritics and http://saharsreviews.wordpress.com)
September 4, 2017
*** Possible Spoilers ***
I was prepared to hate this book on sight. I read it because I was hoping to understand the logic, or lack of it behind Millennial and, even more, Generation Z thinking. That, however, was not the author's objective. Instead he was attempting to focus on how, as a society, we might encourage 'We Generation' thinking. However, despite the book's purpose, and the fact that it didn't provide much clarification on generational thinking, there were, at least parts that made sense. Yes the author is certainly far left of center on the political spectrum and yes, the book is something of a left-wing liberal polemic but the author tempers his idealism with a healthy dose of realism in many sections. Near the end he tends to go a little over the top but presumably he wanted to build up to a big emotional finish.
He points out that parents are important to children. While that might be self-evident he goes on to point out that providing children with monster homes, the latest gadgets, ferrying them from one activity to another is, in fact, to deny parenting - to replace it with things, status and schedules. He points out that children want parents to be a part of their lives - something that may be far from self-evident when young people seem to spend 90% of their time on their phones and the other 10% completely tuned out; nevertheless, he suggests that if a child appears to be lost, appears to have entered a world that is completely distant from that of the parent's, that child still wants to be found and to be brought once more into the family and the community.
He also understands that raising a child is not formulaic - that children are individuals and, while this author is not big on individualism, he appears to acknowledge that parents cannot raise children algorithmically and still be successful. There has to be give and take and he acknowledges and, in fact encourages this. He points out that discipline is essential but is careful to point out that beating children is counter productive - however satisfying it might be. They need to be taught both responsibility and accountability because those attributes are necessary for surviving in society and in business. On the other hand he thinks it is both acceptable and laudable for children to challenge authority to the point of being obnoxious - something I disagree with but then, this isn't my book and I'm not raising children.
This author appears to prioritize social cohesion well above individuality and, while the notion is abhorrent to me, personally, in a world of over 7 billion people, he may be correct. However it seems to me that as the pendulum swings to the left and 'social justice' becomes the mantra of the media, there is, at the same time, an increasing tyranny of the herd that does not, in my opinion, bode well for the future.
Overall, think the book is sufficiently balanced to be worth reading. For parents it might provide some valuable insight as to the actual needs of their offspring and for others ... well, it's well written and not overly preachy.
I was prepared to hate this book on sight. I read it because I was hoping to understand the logic, or lack of it behind Millennial and, even more, Generation Z thinking. That, however, was not the author's objective. Instead he was attempting to focus on how, as a society, we might encourage 'We Generation' thinking. However, despite the book's purpose, and the fact that it didn't provide much clarification on generational thinking, there were, at least parts that made sense. Yes the author is certainly far left of center on the political spectrum and yes, the book is something of a left-wing liberal polemic but the author tempers his idealism with a healthy dose of realism in many sections. Near the end he tends to go a little over the top but presumably he wanted to build up to a big emotional finish.
He points out that parents are important to children. While that might be self-evident he goes on to point out that providing children with monster homes, the latest gadgets, ferrying them from one activity to another is, in fact, to deny parenting - to replace it with things, status and schedules. He points out that children want parents to be a part of their lives - something that may be far from self-evident when young people seem to spend 90% of their time on their phones and the other 10% completely tuned out; nevertheless, he suggests that if a child appears to be lost, appears to have entered a world that is completely distant from that of the parent's, that child still wants to be found and to be brought once more into the family and the community.
He also understands that raising a child is not formulaic - that children are individuals and, while this author is not big on individualism, he appears to acknowledge that parents cannot raise children algorithmically and still be successful. There has to be give and take and he acknowledges and, in fact encourages this. He points out that discipline is essential but is careful to point out that beating children is counter productive - however satisfying it might be. They need to be taught both responsibility and accountability because those attributes are necessary for surviving in society and in business. On the other hand he thinks it is both acceptable and laudable for children to challenge authority to the point of being obnoxious - something I disagree with but then, this isn't my book and I'm not raising children.
This author appears to prioritize social cohesion well above individuality and, while the notion is abhorrent to me, personally, in a world of over 7 billion people, he may be correct. However it seems to me that as the pendulum swings to the left and 'social justice' becomes the mantra of the media, there is, at the same time, an increasing tyranny of the herd that does not, in my opinion, bode well for the future.
Overall, think the book is sufficiently balanced to be worth reading. For parents it might provide some valuable insight as to the actual needs of their offspring and for others ... well, it's well written and not overly preachy.
January 15, 2014
This book was pretty good unlike some books geared to parents, educators, and community members it wasn't overplaying things into a crisis in order to sell books or scare us into thinking the world is going straight to hell. There is acknowledgment that our kids are well equipped to be community members and leaders if we model the behavior.
The author takes aim at some of the middle classes bad habits- consumerism, distrust of one another, social isolation, etc.
But he does have some biases I think he harps a little too much on touch even though he acknowledges that cultures can differ on the amount of physical contact they feel appropriate. Also, he seems to not know rats are lovely creatures as at one point he says, "even rats luck their young." WTF they are mammals you know? Just weird.
I also think having an entire chapter on building one home so it isn't too big and isolated family members was a bit much. As a three time home builder I guess he felt it was important but I don't know anyone who has been lucky enough to build their own home and he offered few suggestions on how to make an existing space more family friendly other than the usual ideas of having more multiuser spaces etc.
I enjoyed many of the examples he offered of how he has helped families by offering youth a voice and opportunity for responsibility rather than punishments, shame, and scoldings. I think more of the personal stories would have been better and less of the redundant point-making.
The author takes aim at some of the middle classes bad habits- consumerism, distrust of one another, social isolation, etc.
But he does have some biases I think he harps a little too much on touch even though he acknowledges that cultures can differ on the amount of physical contact they feel appropriate. Also, he seems to not know rats are lovely creatures as at one point he says, "even rats luck their young." WTF they are mammals you know? Just weird.
I also think having an entire chapter on building one home so it isn't too big and isolated family members was a bit much. As a three time home builder I guess he felt it was important but I don't know anyone who has been lucky enough to build their own home and he offered few suggestions on how to make an existing space more family friendly other than the usual ideas of having more multiuser spaces etc.
I enjoyed many of the examples he offered of how he has helped families by offering youth a voice and opportunity for responsibility rather than punishments, shame, and scoldings. I think more of the personal stories would have been better and less of the redundant point-making.
January 2, 2011
Overall the concept of the book is great. I just have a few problems with some of the examples given. I know this author is a therapist given some of his case studies, but I feel that certain things are overly simplified in his point of view. For example, to get kids involved with their communities he states that children should sign up for more extracurricular activities after school. He goes on to give examples (this reminds me of Charlie Brown pounding erasers). I feel that much of the lack of connection that children have has to do with their core sense of self and their lack of individual development. This is my opinion, but I believe that the overscheduling of kids has a lot to do with their lack of empathy toward others. There are a few other snippets that I had to roll my eyes at and I feel that this book almost talks down to those of us that are realistic parents. I do give credit to him for opening this discussion to the public, but there are so many things I had to nitpick about that I had to skip a few passages to find something that was worthwhile and useful for me. I tried to like it, but just found it more fluff than substance.
January 8, 2013
The best parenting book I've read in a long time--and right in line with my ideals for parenting.
Attachment parenting? Great way of instilling empathy, practicing healthy touch and being in tune with your child's emotions.
Teaching critical thinking? Check.
A place for religion and faith in modern life? Yep, when done while teaching that there are also OTHER religions out there.
Travel with your kids? Great way to expand their worldview.
Buy a bigger house and a third car? NEVER at the expense of your family life.
Ungar writes well, with a good balance of anecdotes (from both his personal and professional experience) and research. There was much which was simply confirmation of what I already believe, but there was also lots of good lessons for future parenting.
I also really appreciated his Canadian perspective--right down to mentioning a co-op housing project in Calgary. It is not a solely Canadian book, however, and offers valuable information for parents of any post-modern twenty-first century age-of-technology child.
A hopeful and helpful read.
Attachment parenting? Great way of instilling empathy, practicing healthy touch and being in tune with your child's emotions.
Teaching critical thinking? Check.
A place for religion and faith in modern life? Yep, when done while teaching that there are also OTHER religions out there.
Travel with your kids? Great way to expand their worldview.
Buy a bigger house and a third car? NEVER at the expense of your family life.
Ungar writes well, with a good balance of anecdotes (from both his personal and professional experience) and research. There was much which was simply confirmation of what I already believe, but there was also lots of good lessons for future parenting.
I also really appreciated his Canadian perspective--right down to mentioning a co-op housing project in Calgary. It is not a solely Canadian book, however, and offers valuable information for parents of any post-modern twenty-first century age-of-technology child.
A hopeful and helpful read.
July 19, 2012
This was a pretty good book with lots of examples as to how to get our kids more involved in their communities and thinking less about themselves and more about others. The problem I had with it though was that it felt like it was repeating itself a lot, and it probably could have been condensed a bit more. It was already a pretty small book to begin with, but it felt like it was reaching a bit towards the end.
The other problem I had with it was, here is a book trying to tell parents and educators how to get kids to think more "we" and less "me," except that those of us that are raising these kids tend to come from a "me" thinking generation! Perhaps instead this book should be targeted at adults and how we can think more 'we!"
I did like the tips in every chapter that are helpful for both parent and child. And I liked a lot of the examples, although some of them were a little to "heavy" for me to read.
The other problem I had with it was, here is a book trying to tell parents and educators how to get kids to think more "we" and less "me," except that those of us that are raising these kids tend to come from a "me" thinking generation! Perhaps instead this book should be targeted at adults and how we can think more 'we!"
I did like the tips in every chapter that are helpful for both parent and child. And I liked a lot of the examples, although some of them were a little to "heavy" for me to read.
January 18, 2013
Contrary to Too Much of a Good Thing: Raising Children of Character in an Indulgent Age by Daniel J. Kindlon this book focuses on positive aspects of the up and coming generation of youth, optimistically viewing them as giving, compassionate, and "other" focused. Which I'm not sure that I see a whole lot of these days- I'd like to- but I don't. I did like the author's wealth of suggestions on how to foster those giving traits in our children, but I felt that this book could have been about half as short and convey the same core of pertinent information and suggestions.
July 15, 2010
This book had some great concepts on how to teach our children to be socially responsible. It talked about the differences in growing up in the city and some of the issues the suburbs can cause with children, living in big homes with parents working non-stop to afford those homes. Ungar constantly reminds you that children, no matter what age, want time with their parents and community and that they do want to make a difference. I think this is a great read for any parent.
February 25, 2011
I thought this was a very interesting and thought provoking view of what kids need from their parents and their community. Rather than an 'I' generation, our youth are part of a 'we' generation. Thinking globally and living locally. I recommend it to anyone who has children or knows children.
Want to read
May 28, 2010also found on a dollar cart at the strand
July 18, 2013
This book was inspiring and gave me the warm fuzzies, although it would need even more practical advice to land on my bookshelf, especially for young children.
June 14, 2014
like the ideas of increasing child autonomy by encouraging community thinking. However, there are other books with the same information that I like better...
Displaying 1 - 12 of 12 reviews