Mapping the Terrain of the Heart: Passion, Tenderness, and the Capacity to Love

by Stephen Goldbart (Editor), David Wallin

If you have read other books about love that have fallen short, read this book. Mapping the Terrain of the Heart is an eloquent guide through love's diverse landscapes that provides a whole new way to think about love relationships. Both descriptive and prescriptive, it is a book for anyone looking to experience a committed relationship full of passion and tenderness.

In the labyrinth of love, every one of us has his or her own inner map. Psychologists Goldbart and Wallin lead us along the metaphorical superhighways on the map of love by charting six easily grasped skills―the six capacities of love―that are all necessary to a long-term, stable love relationship: the capacities for erotic involvement, for merging, for idealization, for integration, for "refinding," and for self-transcendence. The authors demonstrate in a very practical, hands-on way how individuals and couples can use these capacities to work on breaking down their usual defenses and grow toward a deeper understanding and connection.

In defending ourselves against disappointment in love, we frequently―and often unknowingly―throw up obstacles, create roadblocks, and take detours around these six capacities. We think such detours will take us where we want to go in a relationship, but too often they do not. Goldbart and Wallin's sophisticated but accessible approach―using case studies and practical pointers throughout―based on solid psycho-analytic theory while creating a completely new model for love relationships that also makes intuitive sense.

Mapping the Terrain of the Heart offers a comprehensive psychology of love that maps out the paths to a successful relationship and shows how both individuals and couples can progress toward that ever-elusive goal of lasting and passionate love.

Genres: Psychology, Relationships, Spirituality

312 pages, Paperback

First published May 1, 1994

Reviews

[Christine Cavett · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is not a light and easy read. It’s purpose is to foster growth and self-awareness so that the reader can begin to identify patterns in relationships and work on making current relationships stronger. I read this book in my master’s program in counseling psychology.

[Marit · Rating 3 out of 5]

While often didactic in tone, this book contains a considerable amount of food for thought and discussion with family and partner. It breaks down romantic relationships into stages (which are certainly fluid) and then from those stages into six skills necessary for stable, committed pairings. The authors use case-studies to illustrate their points and straightforward language to detail some very deep concepts such as merging and self-transcendence. My only strong critique was that the authors are clearly Freudian-based and as such all of their reasoning about "emotional baggage" (mental shortcuts, patterning, etc.) go back to parental relations, a driver I don't always agree is the dominant one in adult relationships of any sort.

[Aerin · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a very dense book. Unlike many other "self help" style books, this one is not an easy to breeze through book. I would recommend this to students of psychology or those interested in the deeper workings of relationships. In other words, if you've never read any other books like this, I wouldn't recommend starting with it. But, I do recommend reading it. I started reading this book several times and put it down. Not because I wasn't interested or it was too academic, but because I needed to let the ideas sink in. I re-read several sections as well.

That said, it is an extremely interesting and enlightening book. It breaks down the stages of relationships in a very logical way. Much of the early relationship ideas I have read before or we hear about in society all the time: sexual attraction, falling in love, infatuation, etc. What I found most interesting in this book was the section on integrating in romantic relationships and what happens as they deepen. In America, we often don't talk about how to maintain relationships or what a really healthy relationship looks like. We just complain about everything that is wrong. This book gives a thoughtful look and how healthy relationships are forged and deepen and the challenges they face. I think the examples given are also useful and comprehensive, highlighting the ideas brought up.