The Summer of Ordinary Ways: A Memoir

by Nicole Helget

Practicing baseball with Dad, then watching him go after a cow with a pitchfork in a fit of rage. Playing chicken on the county road with semi trucks full of hogs. Flirting with the milkman. Chasing with your sisters after Wreck and Bump, mangy mutts who prowl farmsteads killing chickens and drinking fuel oil. Dandelion wine. The ghost of a girl buried alive over a century ago. These unforgettable, sometimes hilarious images spill from a fierce and wondrous childhood into the pages of The Summer of Ordinary Ways.

Praise for The Summer of Ordinary

"Helget's debut begins with a staggering example of her father's he mercilessly beats a cow to death for not weaning her calf. Yet Helget refuses to succumb to a "woe is me" attitude, and she layers vignettes to create a lyrical story of growing up on a Minnesota farm in the 1980s, where her mother verges on insanity, her five unruly younger sisters get underfoot, and death is a familiar part of life. The memoir's charm lies in Helget's dulcet use of language; even as she describes the century-old death of a little girl accidentally buried alive, her words "Colors explode behind her lids, the colors of poppies and apples and straw and cantaloupe and leaves and Monarchs and stars and sky. And yet... she struggles to open her eyes.... it's black where she is." The amalgamation of reminiscences appears random until the final piece, in which Helget weaves an account of her child self with that of her adult self, providing context for the previous memories. Pregnant and married at 19, lonely and isolated, Helget tantalizes with a brief peek at her adulthood, but it's enough, because the glimpses into her younger life so satisfyingly explain who she has become." —Publishers Weekly starred review

"Born in 1976, first-time author Helget grew up in Sleepy Eye, Minn., a deeply parochial place where her family tended 80 acres. Her father was a reluctant farmer—he played Triple-A ball for five years before the Red Sox let him go in 1977—and her mother was a reluctant parent, despite bearing six daughters. They rode an emotional roller Dad would lose himself in fierce moods, at one point pitch-forking a cow to death when it would not leave her calf, another time striking his wife with a blazing hot pan; Mom would retreat into silent glooms and lock herself away, emerging only for Sunday church services. Yet Helget also depicts her father as "a man who can be so lovely sometimes that you and your sisters collect under the wonder of him" and writes with sympathy of the genes that held her mother captive. She carries those genes herself, the author finds. "We have a way of making a man love us and suffer him for doing it," she notes of herself and her sisters. "While we love our babies, we detest ourselves and wrestle against anything and everything to deny and prove it." Mercifully, Helget also tells stories of a different tone that let the reader catch a One concerns Wreck and Bump, two lowly but ambitious mutts bent on fornication and chicken meat, drinking moonshine and motor oil. Most of the chapters, it must be admitted, are overcast with bleakness—what a wonder it is, then, that Helget's storytelling feels so fresh and vital. Beautifully crafted, each chapter a balanced and snug set piece with sentences as carefully constructed as a stone wall." —Kirkus Reviews

"Helget breaks open the tough shell of family life to reveal a girlhood both tragic and lovely, with all its hidden violence, all its secret beauty." —Carolyn Parkhurst, author of The Dogs of Babel

"Helget wrings intensity from the seemingly mundane—a family farm, the kitchen, a sleepy Midwestern town—to recreate a past that lives on somewhere between a dream and a nightmare. In The Summer of Ordinary Ways, every detail is authentic and resonant, every moment feels lived. Helget's debut is nothing short of remarkable." —Rosellen Brown, author of Tender Mercies

"Marvelous, vibrant, and full of gritty energy, carrying the reader on a breathless ride across hills and valleys of pain, humor, and redemption." —Faith Sullivan, author of The Cape Ann

"Written with blistering beauty, this fierce memoir is an elegy for broken spirits—human and animal—and a prayer for those able to face their past. " —Bart Schneider, author of Beautiful Inez

Genres: Memoir, Nonfiction, The United States Of America, Biography Memoir, Book Club, Adult

182 pages, Paperback

First published March 1, 2005

About the author

Born in 1976, Nicole Helget grew up on a farm in southern Minnesota, a childhood and place she drew on in the writing of her memoir, The Summer of Ordinary Ways. She received her BA and an MFA in creative writing from Minnesota State University, Mankato. Based on the novel's first chapter, NPR's Scott Simon awarded The Turtle Catcher the Tamarack Prize from Minnesota Monthly.

Reviews

[Leah Beecher · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a completely random library pick up.
I seriously grabbed it while searching for another memoir, because the title and cover struck my fancy.
This memoir is what I would call a poetic memoir.
{I seem to be reading an awful lot of "poetic" books lately...I kinda like that}.
Yes, she had a dysfunctional childhood. (like most memoirs)
The oldest of six girls, growing up on a dairy farm in the mid-um, west in the 1980s.
It was told not completely in sequence, with just a dozen or so snippets of her childhood and teenage years. Her writing is so poignant, sometimes haunting and beautiful in that kind of tragic way.
I was most impressed with her closing chapters. She honestly relates her postpartum depression, that she like her mother, was powerless to climb out of.
~"There's a poison left in us women after a birth. It circles and spits and fights against our sinew and matter and rides our synapses, stings our nerves and lingerers long"~
What I most admire about Nicole is that she breaks the cardinal rule of her rural Catholic family: she brings the truth out in the light for all to see.
Her father's abuse, his cheating, her Mother staying in her bedrooms for weeks on end in deep, deep depression. It is hidden, not talked about, though in a close knit community, every one is aware of it.
Nicole, as her memoir comes to its close, chooses to bring what happened to her and who she is, and what she does, to light.
~"The Minnesota winter's still rolls you over and drops its grey on your chest. You're still difficult on those short days. You still get quiet. You still get angry. You still like to fight...Nicole you have a demon inside of you,you have got to do something about this. This time you agree. And when you see them and name them you can begin casting them out and throwing them down"~
I know this type of writing is not everyone's cup of tea.
But from someone who suffers from hereditary depression reading in black and white near identical thoughts and emotions,the hazy thinking and guilt; strangely brings comfort.

[Mike Harper · Rating 4 out of 5]

Why would I, a 72-year old male from "out east," read this memoir of a farm girl from Sleepy Eye, Minnesota? Well, my wife of 51 years was raised a German Catholic in New Ulm, the next town over from Sleepy Eye, and she said the book showed how little things changed in the 35 years or so between her childhood and the author's. So I piicked it up, expecting to read ten pages and get back to books more in my fields of interest.
I was wrong. This is a short memoir, nicely written and often quite entertaining. I can't vouch for its authenticity, but I have heard stories over the years about the New Ulm priests and nuns and German families that are entirely consistent with this book. So while I thought the description of Father John's homilies -a high point of the book, by the way - might be a little exaggerated, I'm not so sure. To the extent they are true renderings, they are both funny and horrifying.
In sum, this memoir does for rural Minnesota in the 1980s what Willa Cather did for Nebraska a hundred years earlier: it placed an interesting story in the context of a time and place rapidly receding into memory.

[Mmars · Rating 4 out of 5]

The controversy surrounding this book and "A Million Little Pieces" (which I have not read) can be credited for helping me acknowledge the fickle conundrum of memory - mine and others. This was a wonderfully written memoir. I can believe what she says because the people are true to rural central Minnesota. However, no one will ever know what is really the truth. Families have secrets. Some people prefer to air them. Some people don't. Some people create memories that don't exist for many reasons, or, embellishment of stories makes them believe their versions. Many people block out things they don't want to remember. So, whether what she writes is truth, embellishment, or downright fiction cannot be known. What is known and proven is that she can write well. Enjoyed it a lot.

[Linda Johnson · Rating 2 out of 5]

Since the author had local ties, I read this book with curiosity and some fascination. It is not a congruent story, more or less vignettes of one summer of her life growing up. There was controversy and protest from some of her family members when this book was first released as the book is not flattering to some of them. Intrestingly enough, her father who was very unfavorably depicted, said he was proud of her and didn't protest or deny his part in the story. He seemed to say at that time that the book was written from Nicole's perspective and should be viewed as such.

[Catherine · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book is a memoir of essays focusing on Helget's upbringing on a dairy farm in Minnesota. Some passages were difficult to read due to spousal abuse and graphic, extreme physical abuse to animals. If you're sensitive to descriptions of abuse I would strongly recommend skipping this book.

Some essays were heartbreaking, others simple, all beautifully written. Uplifting? No. A touching observation of an ordinary life? Absolutely. Probably deserves 3-1/2 stars.

[Michelle Otte · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book. There were a lot of parts that were really hard to read, but the emotion in the words was brutally honest. I,too, grew up on a farm in small town Minnesota. I have never read a book that I could relate to more, and I probably never will unless I write my own story down. Helget's choice of words for describing Minnesota farm life in the 80s is spot on. I'm so glad that she shared her story and that I found this book. Such an emotional read.

[Maureen Connolly · Rating 5 out of 5]

I absolutely loved this book of short stories. The first story in particular is beyond heart-wrenching - I highly recommend it!

[Kendra Stejskal · Rating 2 out of 5]

I liked the style of writing in this memoir set in the Midwest, the author has a beautiful style (so I'm bumping my rating to a 2), but unfortunately I had to skim most of the book. There was a lot of description of animal cruelty, such as her father killing the cow with the pitchfork or shooting puppies. I just couldn't handle it. I know farm life (and life in general) has it's struggles. I understand the cycle of life or raising animals to feed your family. I just can't read the gory details of animals that die horrifically simply because a person was angry at them. Plus there was a lot of hardship going on with the family as well, and the way the children were treated. I know this is life for many people. I just couldn't handle reading the struggles this time around. I'm just too overly sensitive.

[Amy · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was painful to read at times (her dad's an alcoholic; beats a cow to death), but it is so beautifully written. She is very frank about the harsh times she went through, but it's easy to read simply because of the beautiful, lyrical prose she writes. She's around the same age as I am and I could really relate to some things, but she had a heck of a childhood that I'm glad I didn't have to live through.

[Jean Miernik · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book BLEW ME AWAY! When I first started reading it, I put it down in disgust. It was way too dark, gory, violent, and depressing. I am so glad I gave it another chance and read further. This book is a stark portrait of human nature, from the most depraved cruelty imaginable to the impossible depths of familial love and friendship. Horrific, yet uplifting. Emotionally raw. Painfully and beautifully honest. I would recommend it to anyone with a strong stomach.

[Becky · Rating 4 out of 5]

I started out feeling a little unsure about this book. It was good, kind of your typical memoir. I liked the Minnesota connections and I found the stories about farm life both intriguing and very disturbing. The last chapter of the book just blew me away. I could read it over and over again, I think.

[Pam Herrmann · Rating 2 out of 5]

Wow! This was one disturbing memoir. Just reading about the killing of the cow and the puppies was enough to turn me off. I realize it's a memoir and it's how the author remembered things but some things may be better off not said. The story seemed very choppy and disjointed. Hard to tell time passage. And playing chicken with semis! Yikes....You really wonder how they survived. .

[Anne · Rating 1 out of 5]

The author writes very nicely, but there is nothing original about the story - drunk, abusive father; distant mother; scrappy Catholic upbringing. You've read it a hundred times - this one just takes place on a Minnesota farm.

[Dawn · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book ended up being a little too over the top in cruelty & dysfunctional family for my taste. It first caught my eye when I read that this took place around Sleepy Eye & Mankato (towns I remember from Little House on the Prairie).

[Milah · Rating 1 out of 5]

I didn't find it a great story as it was pretty disjointed, and the animal violence was a big turnoff for me.

[Jeannie · Rating 2 out of 5]

I found this book depressing and disturbing.

[Linda Spear · Rating 1 out of 5]

I am absolutely astonished that so many professional review sources and many readers praised this woman highly for her writing abilities. Apparently they all are better than I at compartmentalizing their thoughts. I could not get even a glimpse of "outstanding" writing while Helget related stories of her abusive father and unfortunate mother. What a horrid family environment with so many difficult issues...why would anyone want to read this except maybe psychologists, psychiatrists, and/or social service counselors? Obviously, I have no patience for revealing hurtful truths. And I understand why the family would have objections.

I only hope that Helget was able to move beyond her past. And perhaps that her father (and HIS mother) understood at some point that a baby's sex is determined by the male's contribution. Blaming the mother for giving birth to girls time after time just showed HIS family's ignorance. For some reason, that bothered me as much as the animal and human abuse. But I digress.

Nothing more to say except that somewhere I had gotten the impression that this book was about growing up on a farm in the Midwest rather than a horror story.

[Linda · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow.

[Therese Dotray-Tulloch · Rating 3 out of 5]

Difficult to read memoir of a rural upbringing in Sleepy Eye, Minnesota; the initial chapter I won't soon forget.

[Brittany Leach · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great peek into Minnesota life, growing up on the farm

[Jill M · Rating 3 out of 5]

Depressing story

[Rachael · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this book when it first came out in 2006, and a reread did not disappoint. I'm still blown away by Helget's lyrical writing and her nuanced portrait of rural Minnesota life, warts and all.

[David · Rating 5 out of 5]

I thought was wonderfully well written. She offers a very clear-eyed look at her childhood; the good, the bad, and the ugly. Another author added to the list of those from whom I hope to read more.

[Kalie · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was a fairly interesting memoir. I struggled with some of the more gruesome details. I also didn’t like a good chunk of the characters because of their ignorance and/or cruelty.

[Andrea Pagliari · Rating 1 out of 5]

Terrible

This book was terrible. Scattered thoughts by the author that was difficult to follow. Not sure what the point of this book was. Wasted time.

[Harris · Rating 4 out of 5]

In spite of its concise, fast paced writing, this is definitely a difficult, though striking, work. The picture of life in rural Minnesota painted by Nicole Helget is not pretty one and, though it contains its own beauty depicting the Minnesota River valley, it is a bleak and isolated world, beset with cruelty and despair. It is a world alien to me, living a hundred or so miles north in the urban Twin Cities, formed by the state’s largest city and capital respectively. In spite of the power of the writing, it was a disturbing, at times shocking memoir.

The Summer of Ordinary Ways consists of a patchwork series of stories recalling the author’s childhood summers of the 1980s and ‘90s, through which she details life on her parent’s dairy farm with her six sisters, in all its dysfunction and pain. It was amazing to me all this took place only a few decades ago. A world populated by alcoholics who share their moonshine with children and dogs or are occasionally possessed by uncontrollable rage. Women who shoot at bicycling children riding past their farms and priests who urge their parishioners to vote Republican. The German Catholic farmers depicted live lives of stoic suffocation, prizing silence and keeping to themselves, yet know all the dark secrets of the surrounding families. This is certainly not a sentimental or nostalgic look at rural America, but one told entirely without romanticization. Her depictions of the routine, casual animal cruelty and abuse of women and children on the farm may make these stories very difficult (or impossible) reading.

In my favorite story, Helget tells the ghost story of Annie Mary, a girl from the 1880s who fell from the hayloft and was knocked into unconsciousness, only to be buried alive. A true example of Midwestern gothic, the girl’s ghost still haunts the locals who see her wandering the Little Cottonwood River or hear her terrible cries. Her sad life seems to have been little different from her family's descendants a century later and haunts present Southwestern Minnesota in more ways than as just a ghost. In fact, it strikes me how similar Helget’s stories are to the life depicted in Wisconsin Death Trip, another account of the dark side of the farming Midwest from a century earlier.

[Laurel Bradshaw · Rating 3 out of 5]

It will be interesting to compare this story of growing up in rural Minnesota with The Cape Ann, which I read earlier, and Lake Wobegon Summer 1956, which I am reading next. The Cape Ann was sad, but parts of this book were disturbing. Memoirs are often exaggerated, still I know that even if these events are not exactly "true", they are true for somebody somewhere. I expect that women in all times and ages have felt lives of quiet despair, trapped in the seemingly endless cycle of childbirth and childrearing, cleaning and cooking, and hard toil.

Review from Publisher's Weekly:
Helget's debut begins with a staggering example of her father's brutality: he mercilessly beats a cow to death for not weaning her calf. Yet Helget refuses to succumb to a "woe is me" attitude, and she layers vignettes to create a lyrical story of growing up on a Minnesota farm in the 1980s, where her mother verges on insanity, her five unruly younger sisters get underfoot, and death is a familiar part of life. The memoir's charm lies in Helget's dulcet use of language; even as she describes the century-old death of a little girl accidentally buried alive, her words sing: "Colors explode behind her lids, the colors of poppies and apples and straw and cantaloupe and leaves and Monarchs and stars and sky. And yet... she struggles to open her eyes.... it's black where she is." The amalgamation of reminiscences appears random until the final piece, in which Helget weaves an account of her child self with that of her adult self, providing context for the previous memories. Pregnant and married at 19, lonely and isolated, Helget tantalizes with a brief peek at her adulthood, but it's enough, because the glimpses into her younger life so satisfyingly explain who she has become. (Oct.)
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.

[Jami · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book was disturbing though relatively inspiring and enlightening as well. What a strange life this little girl lived. It never ceases to amaze me to see the strange ways that culture of our childhood homes (e.g., environment, temperament, religious affliation/involvement, and certainly geography) can shape our adulthood. I particular enjoyed the questions Colie began asking herself questions how those religious litanies and parental explosions would affect her and even her children if no one ever told her things could be different and how scary that might be. I only gave it three stars because I didn't really enjoy scattered tales and felt that some were outright confusing and didn't flow with the other tales. However, I did appreciate that the scattered tales were written some kind of order that made sense to the author and matched what she remembered. I also appreciated the author saying that some may not agree with her recollection but that is what she remembered and how critical those memories (factual or perceived) were to her development.

[Catherine · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this a few years ago, so I won't say much, but it's one of those books I would never give away. It will be on my shelf until I die. In fact, I wouldn't give away any of her books. I live in Minnesota too, and this happened: I met a woman at a kid's soccer game and she told me where she lived. At that time I had just read this book, and I knew Nicole Helget was from that town too. Can't remember the name of the town. Southwestern Minnesota. So I asked, "Did you know Nicole Helget?" And this soccer mom gave me a knowing look, and then whisperered something like, "Yes, everybody knows about her, but she's...you know...known to be sort of crazy." Here I had just read this book that goes deep into family, mental health, soul, and was just so relatable to me. I know that her story includes a little "crazy," but note to soccer mom: A little crazy seems to be working for her. And she's beautiful, and she probably saw right through you. I imagine she inspired a bit of jealousy in that town.

[Carolyn · Rating 4 out of 5]

An xmas gift from my friend KC, to remind me of my years in small-town Minnesota. This is reminiscent of Haven Kimmel's memoirs. Girl growing up in small town, struggling with the confines of every person around her knowing every detail of her life, and her mother's life, and her grandmother's, and her entire family's. Helgett, however, has it a lot worse off than Kimmel; her family is all kinds of fucked up. Reminded me of Alexandra Fuller's "Don't Let's Go to the Dogs Tonight" as well. Where she's sometimes so brutally honest about her mom's behavior (or dad's, or someone else's) that it's almost too painful to read and extremely painful to think "What if I were the person she's writing about?" If you liked Kimmel, or Fuller, I'd highly recommend this. I'm looking forward to her next book.