Forgiveness and Other Acts of Love

by Stephanie Dowrick

A psychotherapist draws from her own experiences with personal crises and those of others to show how the traditional virtues of courage, restraint, forgiveness, generosity, tolerance, and fidelity can lead to a fuller, more rewarding life.

Genres: Self Help, Spirituality, Nonfiction, Psychology

360 pages, Hardcover

First published June 1, 1997

Reviews

[Velvetink · Rating 5 out of 5]

The author delves deeply into the six great humane virtues': courage, fidelity, restraint, generosity, tolerance and forgiveness.

It’s a hard confronting book. It can hurt and pain you. It’s uplifting and releases you. It’s not for the faint of heart and will if you are honest and true take you longer than you anticipated to get through. Unless you are skimming. Skimming it will not make a big impact upon you. The areas where she touches on God may deflect the atheist in you. You may throw it down and move on. So be it. Not many are ready when they pick this book up for dissection of their interior souls.

It is however a prescription for pain. Morphine for the soul. She shows you a way through it without the drugs. Don’t think of it as a self help - get rid of your addictions book – for you would be wrong. It’s a bible of sorts. Some have said as much in other reviews, but it’s not rules to live by. Rather how to grow up and become a fully fledged human with all the virtues.

If you have ever been broken, hurt, betrayed or afraid this book might open doors for you. It is a journey to work through. Dowrick starts with the virtue Courage. You need courage to get to the end of the book. You need courage to pick yourself apart. This is no book like Louise Hay ever wrote. There are no affirmations and no visualizations. In fact Dowrick is not impressed with such fantasies and prefers to dig in deep to the nitty gritty and get at the truth. You need that courage to see yourself and others as they really are, not just on the surface.

Fidelity is not just about the sex it is about commitment and a wider commitment than just your partner. Fidelity is about commitment to yourself and also to the whole world and finding a loving balance between ego and self and others.

Restraint is like finding silence. It can be compared to the peace and silence the Quakers talk about in the heart. It can be the silence of holding your tongue in an argument and not spewing out past hurts a person has done you because they are not the issue at hand. Restraint has many forms and Dowrick shows them to us.

What can I say about the chapter on Generosity – A person can only get what they give. This doesn’t have to be money. There are myriad ways to be generous – with time, love, listening, teaching, caring, smiling. You also have to be generous with your self. You have to give permission to yourself. This goes with fidelity to self. If you are not true to yourself you cannot be generous with others.

Tolerance is getting to the grown up stuff. We need to tolerate more and less at the same time. We also need to “take ourselves on “. Dowrick says “ Tolerance – especially for the raw and untried, confronting and unfamiliar – means taking ourselves or allowing ourselves to be taken to the outer limits of our potentials, even if this means risking encountering the perils of ecstasy or hell. And not taking ourselves in a single direction only. Facing what we may prefer to ignore, repress or disown may feel dangerous, even crazy. Contemporary culture discourages us from venturing into these tricky areas. We are supposed to consume extreme experiences, but not risk living them. Risking them might turn us into nations of artists, warriors for peace, internationalists, nature lovers, protectors of children and old people, mystics, storytellers, perpetual students hungry to know more, employees who want our work to add up to something. And NOTHING in our education or public culture encourages or prepares us to live like that.”

Forgiveness is the marathon that never ends. It is here that the other virtues come into play. You need them to be able to work through the cycles of pain, anger and sorrow that forgiveness brings till there is a levity and peace inside you.

Dowrick gives many examples and quotes throughout the book. A minority seem overplayed. Most though remind us again and again how each virtue is entwined and is circular. Without one of them it is difficult to be a fully grown human. It is difficult to forgive. It is difficult to move on. It is difficult to find peace. Thich Nhat Hanh is often quoted. I would throw it out there that the title of his book “Peace is every step” is a good analogy for this book. Dowrick’s book shows you the steps. Intricate - yes. But danceable. Sometimes in very tight high heels.

These are my thoughts on it.




8/10/2013 1 of 20 books @ $10

[Charlie · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is like a Bible, I can open it anywhere, and read it again and again...and take new understanding from it every time.
(Thanks to Alice,since 2004!)
Drawing from her experience in Psychosynthesis*,there are chapters on the 'six great humane virtues': courage, fidelity, restraint, generosity, tolerance and forgiveness, animated with beautifully written stories from the author's life and the lives of friends, that can strike chords, enlighten and challenge me... a very compassionate read.

*"...an approach to psychotherapy that is as attentive to spiritual and social concerns as it is to personal awareness and healing."

[Tes · Rating 5 out of 5]

I began this book at the last chapter, “Forgiveness”. I didn’t think I would like reading this kind of book, so I started with a chapter that I felt was relevant to my life. I loved that chapter, and continued through the book in the same fashion, choosing the next chapter to read based on what virtue I felt I needed immediate guidance on.
I’m now planning to go back through the book and write down the lessons I found valuable and want to hold onto forever.

[Saray Fitzhenry · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book came into my life at a pivotal moment where I could've let all the negativity overwhelm me and take away the light that I carry in my heart.
I not only read but was open to understanding. I have recommended and shared my copy with many people in their time of need.
A must read.

[Cas Mil · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book so much I got one of her quotes tattooed on my arm as a constant reminder:

'To embrace truth you must surrender to reality'

[ky :-) · Rating 5 out of 5]

Some books just make more sense during certain periods in your life. I was blessed to read the chapter on forgiveness when I needed to do so (not necessarily to forgive anyone, but to understand forgiveness and the role it has played in my life and the role it could play in others’ lives). This is a book that needs one good read through so you have an idea of which chapter to go to during a period of suffering and can refer to it for peace and wisdom. I’m incredibly grateful for the opportunity to experience this book.

[Kaitlyn Ahrweiler · Rating 3 out of 5]

I loved Dowrick’s theory that some of the most powerful virtues we can have are forgiveness, generosity, tolerance, etc., and the anecdotes she provided to support this, but her style of writing was scatterbrained and felt like I was reading a rough draft.

[Sabrina Phillips · Rating 5 out of 5]

Beautiful, healing, life changing book filled with simple but profound lessons to carry around through life like little talismans in your pocket.

[Judith Johnson · Rating 5 out of 5]

I first read this book over ten years ago, and am happy to have finally got round to re=reading it. Worth reading if you want to reflect on life and your place in it. I look forward to reading more of Stephanie Dowrick’s books. I wonder if she ever met Ruth Park? Can’t help thinking they would have been kindred souls.

Having read Velvetink’s review on Goodreads of this book, there’s nothing more to add! Great review!

[Ayesha · Rating 5 out of 5]

She was talking to me! It had sat in my room and on my bookshelf for years - I found it just at the right time.
It took me a couple of months to get through and was very confronting at times.
Brilliantly written and helped me think through and rethink my situation and feelings in a way that counselling hadn't quite done.

[Rachel · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book contained interesting ideas and good deconstruction of core values to live by, but parts were unnecessarily verbose or complicated.

[Kathryn Curzon · Rating 5 out of 5]

Beautiful, inspiring words by Stephanie Dowrick. Her wisdom and insight never fail to uplift me! A must read for anyone interested in living a more loving and authentic existence.

[Alex · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thoroughly enjoyed this author's audio delivery of her advisory commentary on applying the acts of love in everyday life. Intelligently composed and competently researched.
Sure, being interfaith, she does jump around the different teachers and doesn't apologise for this inconsistency.
Very easy to listen to and relaxing in a way. Good teaching, recommend for anyone interested in how to improve your relationships (especially your intimate one) and understand yourself and others better.

[Kübra · Rating 3 out of 5]

Okurken bazen katılmıyorsunuz bazen hak veriyorsunuz bazen de insanın bakış açısını etkileyebiliyor. Okunsa da olur okunmasa da olur diyebilirim. Yazar sevgiyi, 6 ayrı hale ayırmış (cesaret, sadakat, kendini tutmak, cömertlik, hoşgörü ve bağışlayıcılık) ve her birini 40 - 50 sayfalık bölümler halinde açıklamaya çalışmış. Bana katkısı olabileceğini düşündüğüm kısımları çok büyük bir ilgi ile okudum ancak genel itibarı ile sıkıcı bir okuma idi benim için.

[Lora Shouse · Rating 4 out of 5]

Stephanie Dowrick explores the virtues of Courage, Fidelity, Restraint, Generosity, Tolerance, and Forgiveness using philosophy, psychology, psychiatry, and several religious traditions. She primarily directs our attention to the ideas of being truthful with ourselves, listening to ourselves, and being careful of the choices we make.

This was a library book.

[Tanya · Rating 5 out of 5]

A powerful and often difficult book to read. In the end I was left with certainty that to be human is to have feelings, doubts and fears and that I am not alone.

[Stacie · Rating 3 out of 5]

Many insights to gain from this book. I gave it 3 stars because I got bogged down by the abundance of various religious references.

[Lyn Richards · Rating 4 out of 5]

Whilst I enjoyed the messages contained within this book, some of the sections and examples where extremely long. I listened to the audio version of this book to/from work and found myself arriving at work very serene and peaceful and a lot more accepting of situations that would have normally annoyed me.

I always feel that you read a book of this kind when you are supposed to drive a key message from it, and in that way I did.

Unlike other reviewers of this book I do not feel it is one I will revisit. I was happy for the book to conclude.

[Izzy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Though I don't hold spiritual nor religious beliefs (I say this for throughout the book scripture from the bible + stories involving someone's faith are used) I have found this book to be invaluable-both past me when i read this for the first time, and present me.

I have noticed that I've been both consciously and unconsciously applying the virtues in my life, and hope to continue to do so,as it's helped me with the smallest things, like being more compassionate and understanding, as well as with my continuous journey in forgiving and loving myself.

[Sarah · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read this book quite a number of years ago now, at a time when I needed to end a friendship but felt bad about it. This book really helped me end the unhealthy friendship finally without feeling the guilt I had felt about it for a couple of years.

[Tim · Rating 5 out of 5]

this book gave me so much ; it was a journey of things I never even thought about let alone practised ; thank you Patti

[Bethany · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great Book with terrific insight, loved it!

[Rob Lutton · Rating 5 out of 5]

I am stunned at the depth & perspective of this book! Will reread I am sure & return to the wisdom within many times

[Rachel · Rating 1 out of 5]

More of a philosophical book. It is well written and describes the basic elements of the "acts of love" discussed.

[Kris · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book helped me so much. I will definitely read more of her books.