Bastards & Boneheads: Canada’s Glorious Leaders, Past and Present

by Will Ferguson

This is it! After years of research, often late into the night, best-selling author Will Ferguson has come up with the most sophisticated system ever devised for evaluating Canadian leadership. It’s called BASTARDS AND BONEHEADS.

Bastards succeed. Whether their goals are noble or immoral, Bastards are ruthless. Active. They cause events to unfold by an act of focussed will. Boneheads fail, usually by stumbling over their own two feet. Boneheads are reactive. Inept. They cause events to unfold mainly by accident. Bastards screw Canada. Boneheads just screw up.

BASTARDS AND BONEHEADS makes an excellent parlour game. Pierre Trudeau was a Bastard. Joe Clark was not. Brian Mulroney managed to be both. Your turn: Jean Chrétien—Bastard or Bonehead?

But Ferguson doesn’t limit himself to the prime ministers. No, sir. He takes on the full sweep of Canadian history, examining and evaluating the key personalities behind our most momentous events. When the English captured Quebec in 1759, was it a “Battle of Boneheads” or a “Contest of Bastards”? Was the War of 1812 won by Bastards? Or lost by Boneheads? From the internment of Japanese Canadians during the Second World War to Canada’s contribution to the Holocaust, from the battle for women’s rights to the rise of the separatist movement, Will Ferguson looks at our past head-on, wars and all. This is history on the edge: opinionated, hard-hitting, outrageous and always thought-provoking. Watch out, Canada. Will Ferguson is headed our way.

Genres: History, Nonfiction, Canada, Humor, Politics

326 pages, Paperback

First published October 1, 1999

About the author

Will Ferguson is an award-winning travel writer and novelist. His last work of fiction, 419, won the Scotiabank Giller Prize. He has won the Stephen Leacock Medal for Humour a record-tying three times and has been nominated for both the IMPAC Dublin Literary Award and a Commonwealth Writers’ Prize. His new novel, The Shoe on the Roof, will be released October 17, 2017. Visit him at WillFerguson.ca

Ferguson studied film production and screenwriting at York University in Toronto, graduating with a B.F.A. in 1990. He joined the Japan Exchange Teachers Programme (JET) soon after and spent five years in Asia. He married his wife Terumi in Kumamoto, Japan, in 1995. They now live in Calgary with their two sons. After coming back from Japan he experienced a reverse culture shock, which became the basis for his first book Why I Hate Canadians. With his brother, Ian Ferguson, he wrote the bestselling sequel How to be a Canadian. Ferguson details his experiences hitchhiking across Japan in Hokkaido Highway Blues (later retitled Hitching Rides with Buddha), his travels across Canada in Beauty Tips from Moose Jaw, and a journey through central Africa in Road Trip Rwanda. His debut novel, Happiness, was sold into 23 languages around the world. He has written for The New York Times, Esquire UK, and Canadian Geographic magazine.

Reviews

[Brandon · Rating 4 out of 5]

When I couldn’t figure out what to read after the latest Dennis Lehane novel and before Don Winslow’s forthcoming epic due out later this month (The Force), Alaina handed me a book that she had been suggesting I read for a while now - Will Ferguson’s “Bastards & Boneheads”. Annoyed with the same old criteria for evaluating Canada’s leaders past and present, Ferguson breaks everyone down into two categories - you’re either a hard-nosed, uncompromising bastard, or a clueless bonehead who mostly stumbled into success or wallowed in failure.

As a kid in grade school, I was taught Canadian history and try as I might, I couldn’t find it in me to care. The subject matter just didn’t line up with my interests, which isn’t surprising considering all I wanted to do was watch professional wrestling, play video games and eat snacks - wait, has anything changed? I guess now that I’m a bit older, my curiosity has gotten the better of me. I actually do care how this country was founded and developed! I do want to learn about important historical figures and events! I suppose I’m a grown-up now.

If only all history texts could be written like this! With Bastards and Boneheads, Ferguson painstakingly researched the men and women who helped shape Canada and with the help of a healthy dose of snark, produces an entertaining AND informative read. If you thought Canada was this tremendous country without blemishes, you’ll think twice after reading Ferguson’s book. Whether it’s our mistreatment of the Native population, the mistreatment of early Acadian settlers, the mistreatment of the French population, Canada’s unapologetic racism during the Second World War.. it all adds up to an often embarrassing history.

It’s not all bad though! Ferguson does write about several Canadians with impressive histories such as Laura Secord, Agnes MacPhail, Louis Riel and many others. He writes of bloody battles within Canada and around the globe. The last chunk of the book details Canada’s 20 (up to then) Prime Ministers as he tries to rank them from impressive to idiotic. His write ups on former Prime Ministers Pierre Trudeau and Brian Mulroney are interesting as both are memorable for completely different reasons (Ferguson declares Mulroney to be the worst PM in Canada’s history).

Bastards & Boneheads is a great read for someone who perceived Canadian history to be “boring”. It is a relatively quick read clocking in at just under 300 pages (before sources/glossary), so I was done before I knew it. Luckily, I’m not left wanting more as he has a variety of books to grab next.

[Liz · Rating 5 out of 5]

I used to hate history - particularly Canadian history. How many ways can you spell b-o-r-i-n-g? This guy (rude, irreverent, opinionated, smart, an exhaustive researcher) changed my mind. Whadya know...history can be entertaining AND instructive! Important because those who don't know history are bound to repeat it blah blah blah. All true. Will Ferguson, you changed my life and my reading habits.

[Ben · Rating 4 out of 5]

Consistent with Canadians' self-deprecating sense of humor, this is an entirely readable and entertaining account of Canadian history. Ferguson classifies all prime ministers--- and indeed all major figures of Canadian history--- as either bastards (successful at implementing their agenda, regardless of whether it was good or bad for Canada) and boneheads (abject failures at whatever they were trying to accomplish). I've read and re-read it so many times, my copy is starting to fall apart! Highly recommended for any Canadian, particularly those who want to learn more about this land's history, but usually find it too damn boring. Trust me, Bastards and Boneheads is the antidote to dreary history textbooks!

[Erika · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have to say that I have learned more about the history or Canadian Politics from this book than I ever had in High School. I wish they gave me this book to read back then. This has inspired me to read more and learn more about our political systems.

It's too bad that Will Ferguson wrote this before Harper came into power, he certainly wouldn't' have named Molroney the worst PM ever - although at that time he was right, as I would have loved to hear his take on our current political nightmarish situation. It would have been fun to read his views on Paul Martin as well.

This book takes a real hard look at our relationship with our Aboriginal peoples, the French citizens and how the women of Canada contributed to the life blood of this nation. Ferguson makes Canadian politics interesting and, almost, fun to read about.

I thoroughly enjoyed this and will recommend it to everyone I know and ever meet in the future.

[Trudy Jaskela · Rating 2 out of 5]

I skimmed 3/4 of the book. It was a concise history of Canada. Easy reading and written in interesting format.
I read the final chapter where Ferguson divided the Prime Ministers into one of two groups. A Bastard - they succeeded, are ruthless, active, screw (Boneheads screw up), cause events to unfold by an act of focused will, they ride the tiger (Boneheads are tiger chow), they could seduce a statue.
the second group was Boneheads - they fail often by stumbling over their own feet, they are reactive, inept, indignant, usually amazed at their own failure. Their saving grace is that they have a certain charm; they are sincere and nice.
According to Ferguson, Canada tends to elect Bastards; the supreme one, according to Ferguson, was Pierre Elliott Trudeau. The supreme Bonehead was Brian Mulroney. The best Prime Ministers Canada has ever had were John A Macdonald, followed closely by P.E.T and William Lyon MacKenzie King. The worst we've had was Mulroney and Diefenbaker.

[Megan Bowers · Rating 4 out of 5]

Recommended for: people who want to learn about Canadian history but don't want to read a boring textbook.
Even though I would say I had a pretty firm grasp on Canadian history before reading this book, I still learnt quite a bit. The authour knows his stuff and doesn't shy away from talking about the less-talked about darker parts of our history, including our legacy of racism, xenophobia, and our utterly horrendous treatment of the First Nations peoples.
Even though I think the method of categorizing historical figures as either "Bastard" or "Bonehead" is a bit too simplistic, the way in which the different characters were brought to life made this book, in my opinion, an interesting and enjoyable read.

[Emily · Rating 3 out of 5]

I'm not sure why, but I was not able to get into this book as well as Ferguson's others. Admittedly, I didn't actually finish it...I got about part way through the last section where he goes through a ranked list of Canada's prime ministers. Since I am not sure what it is about this book that couldn't capture my attention, I'm still giving it a fair rating, as what I did read was interesting, and it may just be my particular attempt at reading it that failed. No matter, I highly recommend all of Ferguson's other works of nonfiction pertaining to Canada's history and society. He's a gifted writer with a great sense of humor and perspective.

[Pat · Rating 5 out of 5]

Look out, Parliament Hill! Will Ferguson is here...

This irreverent but incisive book will have you laughing so hard, you'll forget that Canadian history is supposed to be boring. As he characterizes a significant cross-section of important figures in our past as either "Bastards"(who "screw Canada") or "Boneheads" (who "screw up"), he also explains in witty detail why they earned the rating he gave them. His commentary is not restricted to the Prime Ministers; for example, both Nellie McClung and Tecumseh also make the "Bastard" list.

This book should be required reading for all introductory courses in Canadian History...

[Tekenduis · Rating 5 out of 5]

Will Ferguson takes Canadian History on head-to-head, no holds barred. From far before the dawn of Canada, to the reign of Jean Chretien, Ferguson ranks our countries Prime Ministers, and Leaders according to his rather elegant system: "Bastards screw Canada. Boneheads just screw up." From Samuel de Champlain (Bastard) to Jean Chretien (likewise), no one is safe.

[ReadingForFun · Rating 5 out of 5]

The title suggests it's about Canada's leaders but it's actually a great history read. Actually, it's by far the best history book I've read about Canada. Other Canadian history books are so hard to get into that I lose interest but this one I was able to read because it didn't feel like a boring history lecture.

[Bianca Woods · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great book for anyone who argues Canadian History isn't interesting. Ferguson's take on Canadian leaders is humourous and accessible, yet doesn't dumb down complicated issues. Honestly, if I could teach a history course built around this book (or Ferguson's equally fascinating Canadian History for Dummies) I'm sure I could get more Canadians excited about their history.

[Kirstin · Rating 3 out of 5]

An interesting way to posit Canada's leaders--certainly a provocative title to catch the eye. Yet it kept getting buried in my "currently reading" pile. I made it well into the twentieth century history however, and the "Canadians are just so nice" assumption got a little more tarnished along the way.

[Lynn · Rating 4 out of 5]

Alrighty. This book is HILARIOUS. The only reason I didn't give it 5 stars is because of the title and because each of the PMs is rated as one or the other at the end of each chapter. So, if you don't care about the wording--go ahead! Give it 5! I go back to this when I want a refresher in Canadian PMs and/or a good chuckle. Now THIS is how we should have learned about these guys in school!

[Marion Thompson · Rating 3 out of 5]

I agree with the conclusion in that the " lessons we learn, the events we choose to forget, and the issues we choose to ignore have a lasting impact both in present policies and on future goals. A nation with no sense if it's past has very little understanding if it's present - and very little chance of controlling its future. History is a verdict and we are all on the jury."

[Vanessa]

A terrifically funny and insightful book from a very funny man. I learned a great deal about Canadian history and politics.

I made the mistake of lending it to a political reporter, who never returned it (and indeed disavowed all knowledge of borrowing it in the first place, the cad), so I had to buy a second copy the next time I visited Canada.

[Daniel Kukwa · Rating 4 out of 5]

A book that lives up to its title. Can you combine historical/political substance with huge dollops of whimsey? Wil Ferguson proves that you can...and proves it, by writing the most delightful & atypical book on Canadiana in the process. I promise you...you WILL laugh.

[Shane Mackenzie · Rating 4 out of 5]

I love this book. As a budding political historian, this gave context and humour to the figures I most adore studying i.e. The Prime Ministers. It was brutal to all. Thus, it was fair. I immensely enjoyed this and will assuredly crack this open again when I need a chuckle.

[Teresa · Rating 4 out of 5]

A great way to explore Canadian history.
I appreciated the overview of the Quebec constitutional challenges and the First Nations situation. Helps me understand complex relationships and the reasons or at least, issues that leading up to where we are today.

[Gina · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this ages ago and it was what made me realize that Canadian history can be just as enjoyable as any other. This is a very Canadian look at Canadian history and anyone who thinks our history is boring clearly hasn't read it.

[Nadine Anderson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Delightful, irreverent, and hilarious, but also highly informative. If Bastards and Boneheads was used to teach Canadian schoolchildren about Canadian history, they might actually sit up and pay attention.

[anenko · Rating 3 out of 5]

Entertaining, but far from academic. Bias is in favour of women, minorities, etc, but lacks nuances.

[Ryan · Rating 5 out of 5]

I'm not usually a big fan of Ferguson's work, but this book was hilarious, and provided a good, general overview to Canadian history at the same time.

[Candice · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is fabulous. I read it aloud with my extended family at the cottage one summer. It started many a late night conversation on the porch!

[Stephwereley · Rating 4 out of 5]

Learned lots! But it was kind of depressing to learn the reasons why the author states "Canadians are not the nice people we always claim to be."

[P · Rating 4 out of 5]

Funny

[Burt Schoeppe · Rating 1 out of 5]

This is a really, really bad book.

Ferguson puts in zero effort to actually justify his claims. Perhaps some sort of background in politics in Canada would have helped writing this book.

[Kathleen McRae · Rating 5 out of 5]

Funny and excellent!

[John Johnston · Rating 4 out of 5]

Will Ferguson’s “Bastards & Boneheads” dives into evaluating Canada’s past leaders. Ferguson breaks everyone down into two categories – you’re either a hard-nosed, uncompromising bastard, or a clueless bonehead who mostly stumbled into success or wallowed in failure.

Ferguson acts on the premise that our Canadian history is boring: With Bastards and Boneheads, Ferguson painstakingly researched the men and women who helped shape Canada and with the help of a healthy dose of snarky sarcasm produces an entertaining and informative read. If you thought Canada was this tremendous country without blemishes, you’ll think twice after reading Ferguson’s book. Whether it’s our mistreatment of the Native population, the mistreatment of early Acadian settlers, the mistreatment of the French population, Canada’s unapologetic racism during the Second World War; it does remind us that we do have some embarrassing history.

It’s not all bad though! Ferguson does write about several Canadians with impressive histories such as Laura Secord, Agnes MacPhail, Louis Riel and many others. He writes of bloody battles within Canada and around the globe. The last chunk of the book details Canada’s 20 (up to then) Prime Ministers as he tries to rank them from impressive to idiotic. His write ups on former Prime Ministers Pierre Trudeau and Brian Mulroney are interesting as both are memorable for completely different reasons.

My favorite section of this book if when Ferguson writes about Samuel Champlain on St Croix Island in New Brunswick and some of the history of the Acadian Expulsion in 1755. Ferguson and his wife settled in St. Andrews, N.B. It's a story he tells at the start of Bastards and Boneheads, but it's one he doesn't mind repeating.

"Being a good Canadian," he says, "I used to go and get cheap gas in Maine. I used to drive by this island every day. St. Croix Island. There's this little marker by the side of the road. Finally I pulled over to look at it. And I found out that this was where Champlain established the first settlement north of Mexico -- on this little island. I was standing there, cars whizzing by -- it was almost an epiphany. I looked at the cars driving by, and I thought, that's what we're doing, isn't it, we're just driving by." (I grew up in the St Andrews / St Stephen area and will drive by this island this week-end)

I appreciate how Ferguson praises the Acadian culture and survival where he writes “If we are good, if we are very, very good, we [Canadians] may one day become Acadians.” The Acadians were French settlers in Nova Scotia for 100-odd years until most of them were forcibly expelled by British military thugs in 1755. A few remained; many were deported to the then-French colony of Louisiana; some managed to return to the Bay of Fundy area and settle in what is now Canada’s only officially bilingual province, New Brunswick. Ferguson presents the Acadians as victims of history who nonetheless overcame the odds and remained big-hearted and prosperous. They are a model for the rest of us. In Ferguson’s view, if Quebec faced facts it would see it has nurtured a victim narrative out of proportion to the details of the past. If English Canada faced facts, it would see the plan to assimilate the First Nations was a disaster.

Suggested reading for new perspective on Canadian History

[Simon Winquist · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was my favourite canadian history book so far. I really enjoyed his writing and the history covered not always included in our typical history textbooks. Ferguson tells it how it is and isn’t afraid to include some of the darker sides of canadian history

His examines some of the key events and personalities that have existed in canadian history. It’s very entertaining and engaging. He classifies these personalities as either bastards or boneheads. He explains this system very well in the book. Bastard gets things done, boneheads well are boneheads.

I also love his ranking of the prime ministers. I love lists and ranking hockey players, and him ranking the prime ministers was very cool.

I learned a lot in this book and it was never a dull read. Happy i purchased this book and will look into it again, i am sure.

[Earl Ecklund III · Rating 5 out of 5]

A fun and at times fascinating look at Canada's leaders from before Confederation up to Jean Chretien's time as Prime Minister.

Highly recommend for anyone interested in Canadian history and doesn't want just another dull read.