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Bye Felipe: Disses, Dick Pics, and Other Delights of Modern Dating
After one too many hostile dating app encounters, Alexandra Tweten set up the Instagram account @ByeFelipe, a place for women to protest the horrors of online dating, and to share stories and screenshots of their own experiences. Three years later, the account has become a forum where women can fight back against the men who have made them uncomfortable, scared, and embarrassed--and to laugh at the appalling men they encounter.
The name of Bye Felipe is a nod to the "Bye Felicia" meme, which Urban Dictionary defines as a cool dismissal of a noxious person. In that spirit, the book helps women navigate the perils that come with swiping right and provides practical steps to overcome the harassment rampant in the dating app ether. Blending humor, feminist theory, and solidarity, this "field guide" provides profiles of the worst types of guys (also known as "Felipes")--from the classic fat shamer to the mansplainer to the surprise sociopath--answers questions like "How do I react when a guy sends me a dic pic?," and gives women the tools they need to take control of their dating life. With stories, screenshots, and Riot Grrrl-esque graphic art throughout, Bye Felipe empowers women to stand up for themselves and uphold the confidence and self-worth Felipes try so desperately to steal.
The name of Bye Felipe is a nod to the "Bye Felicia" meme, which Urban Dictionary defines as a cool dismissal of a noxious person. In that spirit, the book helps women navigate the perils that come with swiping right and provides practical steps to overcome the harassment rampant in the dating app ether. Blending humor, feminist theory, and solidarity, this "field guide" provides profiles of the worst types of guys (also known as "Felipes")--from the classic fat shamer to the mansplainer to the surprise sociopath--answers questions like "How do I react when a guy sends me a dic pic?," and gives women the tools they need to take control of their dating life. With stories, screenshots, and Riot Grrrl-esque graphic art throughout, Bye Felipe empowers women to stand up for themselves and uphold the confidence and self-worth Felipes try so desperately to steal.
192 pages, Paperback
Published August 21, 2018
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 34 reviews
February 17, 2019
Warning This is the worst insult I received for turning someone down, it is full of curse words and abusive sex, so I saved it :-) but I put it in a spoiler.
This is dreadful. The book is just a cynical attempt to do as little as possible to make as much money as possible and hope to suck in women who apparently think that the central point of being a feminist is #Metoo.
When is a book a book? Is it a book if screenshots posted on the author's instagram account and perfectly self-explanatory there now need to have paragraphs and chapters devoted to explicating what could easily be understood. The posters are disappointed men who are dickheads and hiding behind their screens feel bold enough to be insulting. Just like trolls on Goodreads. That's not a book to me.
When is a racist not a racist? When a so-called lower in status group insults the group they feel is keeping them down is generally accepted. I've read many times that Black people cannot be racist, that they have perfectly valid reactions. So the author, feeling that (young) women are a lower status group uses the insult 'white boy' to put down the oppressor as, "typical white boy" and people over 50, 'oldies';. Neither group is likely to start a PC hashtag campaign, so she's on solid ground there. The author is very keen to mention every LGBGT, TG, GF, non-binary group in a positive, supporting way, because she knows on which side her bread is buttered, and her market isn't 'typical white boys' or people of mature years! (She's going to be up there one day, if she's lucky and let me tell you the view from up here is very fine.)
I got fed up with her anti-Trump comments as well. They seemed disingenous, more a way of appealing to her market, to say she's one of the PC brigade and holds all the right attitudes than being relevant to 'Modern Dating'. It was just another insult. Come on, be original, every does the hate-Trump thing these days.
If you aren't interested in chatting to someone you have matched with, unmatch them. If you don't want to pursue a conversation further on an instant messenger or the phone, block them, if someone has insulted you once on Plentyoffish, block them too. Really to sit there with your screen open after one insult just either waiting for the next or egging them on with a mild comment is either for your entertainment in which case you have nothing to complain about or else you looking to be insulted.
The insults are always the same anyway, you're fat, you're ugly, you're a lesbian I'm going to come and do stuff to you, you need a dick up your..... And the dick pics? Most women I know like to have sex with people, you can tell a lot from a face but a lot less from an artistically-unappealing dick pic. Some men are insanely proud of their meat and two veg. But if you think of it as a carrot more than a cucumber usually with a couple of beef tomatoes, it takes the sting of it out (I nearly wrote 'prick' there).
Personal experience. Karma bit his bottom on the way out!
The most obvious, stand-out thing the book lacked was humour. Ironic really since the one thing every says they want in their personal profiles is someone with a good sense of humour. Dnf'd and not recommended to anyone of any intelligence but highly recommended to herd-type people who like to be seen as on every bandwagon and cheering on the winner, whoever it might be.
Notes on reading the book, not very interesting
This is dreadful. The book is just a cynical attempt to do as little as possible to make as much money as possible and hope to suck in women who apparently think that the central point of being a feminist is #Metoo.
When is a book a book? Is it a book if screenshots posted on the author's instagram account and perfectly self-explanatory there now need to have paragraphs and chapters devoted to explicating what could easily be understood. The posters are disappointed men who are dickheads and hiding behind their screens feel bold enough to be insulting. Just like trolls on Goodreads. That's not a book to me.
When is a racist not a racist? When a so-called lower in status group insults the group they feel is keeping them down is generally accepted. I've read many times that Black people cannot be racist, that they have perfectly valid reactions. So the author, feeling that (young) women are a lower status group uses the insult 'white boy' to put down the oppressor as, "typical white boy" and people over 50, 'oldies';. Neither group is likely to start a PC hashtag campaign, so she's on solid ground there. The author is very keen to mention every LGBGT, TG, GF, non-binary group in a positive, supporting way, because she knows on which side her bread is buttered, and her market isn't 'typical white boys' or people of mature years! (She's going to be up there one day, if she's lucky and let me tell you the view from up here is very fine.)
I got fed up with her anti-Trump comments as well. They seemed disingenous, more a way of appealing to her market, to say she's one of the PC brigade and holds all the right attitudes than being relevant to 'Modern Dating'. It was just another insult. Come on, be original, every does the hate-Trump thing these days.
If you aren't interested in chatting to someone you have matched with, unmatch them. If you don't want to pursue a conversation further on an instant messenger or the phone, block them, if someone has insulted you once on Plentyoffish, block them too. Really to sit there with your screen open after one insult just either waiting for the next or egging them on with a mild comment is either for your entertainment in which case you have nothing to complain about or else you looking to be insulted.
The insults are always the same anyway, you're fat, you're ugly, you're a lesbian I'm going to come and do stuff to you, you need a dick up your..... And the dick pics? Most women I know like to have sex with people, you can tell a lot from a face but a lot less from an artistically-unappealing dick pic. Some men are insanely proud of their meat and two veg. But if you think of it as a carrot more than a cucumber usually with a couple of beef tomatoes, it takes the sting of it out (I nearly wrote 'prick' there).
Personal experience. Karma bit his bottom on the way out!
The most obvious, stand-out thing the book lacked was humour. Ironic really since the one thing every says they want in their personal profiles is someone with a good sense of humour. Dnf'd and not recommended to anyone of any intelligence but highly recommended to herd-type people who like to be seen as on every bandwagon and cheering on the winner, whoever it might be.
Notes on reading the book, not very interesting
September 23, 2018
This book is really relatable and weirdly comforting. You realize that online dating isn’t just hard for you but it’s hard for everyone trying to date cis guys. This is a great read for anyone online dating rn or who has ever done so. However, I think straight men would benefit the most from this book to get a glimpse of what we as women-identifying people experience. Maybe reading this could cause a shift in their behavior. Who knows. I definitely laughed while reading this and felt the words deep in my bones. A quick read. I would definitely recommend it to friends.
September 12, 2018
While a hilarious read, I wont lie-- I'm now terrified of my prospects dating now. 😂
May 28, 2020
I loved this book! 100 stars out of 5 stars. So real, genuine, and funny!!! Can not hype this book enough. I am going to recommend it to everyone.
December 31, 2018
- The only way to avoid making an entitled man hostile is to agree with him ... we hate declining men, because we expect an aggressive reaction.
- The ideologies that enabled Donald Trump to take power are the same beliefs that reinforce the notion that women are lesser.
- Real feminist allies are aware that its more than just claiming the name, it's doing the work, listening to women, and giving up power. I believe men can be feminists (I know not everyone agrees), but they need to prove it in their actions.
- Men never have to live their lives in constant fear of being physically assaulted from their date, so its hard for them to fathom that you might not be too keen on putting yourself in easy access rape situations.
- Fuckboys are allllllways sending maintenance texts to keep you on the back burner. They want to know you're still interested in them, but only as an ego boost. ... If he's not trying to see you in person, he's wasting your time.
- Judge him by his actions not his words. Guys like to make plans ALL DAY but you need to pay attention to whether they follow through on them or not.
- You have done your due diligence in letting him know you're into him. Now it's time for him to reciprocate.
- ... if he is not giving the same amount of effort you are putting in, leave him in the dust.
- Toxic masculinity - that's any of the destructive aspects of 'traditional masculinity,' or what we think about what it means to be a 'real man.'
- 'Real men don't get sad.' So of course, when dudes do feel these emotions, they don't come out as tears, but as frustration and anger.
- ... he assumes that all women have low self-esteem and that the cure for it is his dick.
- ... what separates the trolls from the fuckboys? I'd be willing guess it's the level of sadism. Take the sadism away, and you have a fuckboy. Turn up the sadism, and you have a troll.
- Hating people of color just seems like a logical place for men who hate women to go.
- The most hilarious thing about MGTOW is that they think they're somehow getting revenge on women.
- Men are the biggest policers of masculinity, to their own detriment ... the unattainable masculine ideal, the seed of all their problems, is rooted in patriarchal society.
- The concept of privilege is hard to understand when you're a straight cis white man (level 10/10 privilege, according to feminism) and you still aren't sucessful.
- They don't want to be equal - they want to be dominant - because at their core, they feel like failures.
- ... you grow up with a fear of being overpowered by the feminine again.
- .... a woman does need to like you and your face in order to like your cock. That's just science.
- Men hate it when you treat them like women
- ... the thing that sucked the most about this non-breakup was that I felt that I didn't have a right to be sad about it because he had given me his disclaimer in the beginning.
- DICK IS ABUNDANT AND LOW VALUE
- We are entirely too accommodating of men who don't put in the effort to understand us or our realities.
- If a guy likes you, he'll figure out a way to talk to you. If he wants to hang out with you, he'll make it happen.
- Don't give more effort than you get from him.
- Women should never be obligated to take on the emotional labour of fixing hostile men.
- The ideologies that enabled Donald Trump to take power are the same beliefs that reinforce the notion that women are lesser.
- Real feminist allies are aware that its more than just claiming the name, it's doing the work, listening to women, and giving up power. I believe men can be feminists (I know not everyone agrees), but they need to prove it in their actions.
- Men never have to live their lives in constant fear of being physically assaulted from their date, so its hard for them to fathom that you might not be too keen on putting yourself in easy access rape situations.
- Fuckboys are allllllways sending maintenance texts to keep you on the back burner. They want to know you're still interested in them, but only as an ego boost. ... If he's not trying to see you in person, he's wasting your time.
- Judge him by his actions not his words. Guys like to make plans ALL DAY but you need to pay attention to whether they follow through on them or not.
- You have done your due diligence in letting him know you're into him. Now it's time for him to reciprocate.
- ... if he is not giving the same amount of effort you are putting in, leave him in the dust.
- Toxic masculinity - that's any of the destructive aspects of 'traditional masculinity,' or what we think about what it means to be a 'real man.'
- 'Real men don't get sad.' So of course, when dudes do feel these emotions, they don't come out as tears, but as frustration and anger.
- ... he assumes that all women have low self-esteem and that the cure for it is his dick.
- ... what separates the trolls from the fuckboys? I'd be willing guess it's the level of sadism. Take the sadism away, and you have a fuckboy. Turn up the sadism, and you have a troll.
- Hating people of color just seems like a logical place for men who hate women to go.
- The most hilarious thing about MGTOW is that they think they're somehow getting revenge on women.
- Men are the biggest policers of masculinity, to their own detriment ... the unattainable masculine ideal, the seed of all their problems, is rooted in patriarchal society.
- The concept of privilege is hard to understand when you're a straight cis white man (level 10/10 privilege, according to feminism) and you still aren't sucessful.
- They don't want to be equal - they want to be dominant - because at their core, they feel like failures.
- ... you grow up with a fear of being overpowered by the feminine again.
- .... a woman does need to like you and your face in order to like your cock. That's just science.
- Men hate it when you treat them like women
- ... the thing that sucked the most about this non-breakup was that I felt that I didn't have a right to be sad about it because he had given me his disclaimer in the beginning.
- DICK IS ABUNDANT AND LOW VALUE
- We are entirely too accommodating of men who don't put in the effort to understand us or our realities.
- If a guy likes you, he'll figure out a way to talk to you. If he wants to hang out with you, he'll make it happen.
- Don't give more effort than you get from him.
- Women should never be obligated to take on the emotional labour of fixing hostile men.
February 2, 2019
Haiku Review:
Sleazy dating app
Leads to sleazy encounters
Surely not a shock.
Sleazy dating app
Leads to sleazy encounters
Surely not a shock.
February 17, 2019
As a straight man (even one who has been married for 10 years), this was terrifying. Get it together, compadres.
February 12, 2019
I loved this book! This is the BEST book about dating that I’ve crossed paths with, it is the intersectional feminist dating bible for anyone dating cis males. It is hilarious and affirming. Toxic masculinity is the worst but bad ass women like Alexandra calling it out makes things bearable.
The tone of the book is like talking to a friend and every now and then the lingo was a bit much. I refuse to use the word ‘dickmatize’, lol. But I did learn that white boy dreads are called nope ropes and I’m still laughing, so far be it from me to criticize the rich slang vocabulary you will find in here.
Alexandra, you took a shitty topic and made me laugh and feel good about our prospects of smashing patriarchy and I appreciate you so much for that. Everyone buy this book!
The tone of the book is like talking to a friend and every now and then the lingo was a bit much. I refuse to use the word ‘dickmatize’, lol. But I did learn that white boy dreads are called nope ropes and I’m still laughing, so far be it from me to criticize the rich slang vocabulary you will find in here.
Alexandra, you took a shitty topic and made me laugh and feel good about our prospects of smashing patriarchy and I appreciate you so much for that. Everyone buy this book!
August 19, 2019
This is DEFINITELY a MUST-READ for men and women alike! It's been an eye-opener and a great source of information
December 8, 2018
A must-read for any woman who has had to (or will soon) endure the unfortunate universe of internet dating. This book provides both humor and practical tips, in addition to some more serious resources at the back of the book.
My favorite bit had to do with "breadcrumbing" and a little reminder that Basic, Entitled White Boys are abundant.
Tweten's writing is sharp, humorous, intelligent, and cutting. Glad she is the voice of today's women in the dating sphere. Hell, she even provides her phone number at the end of the book in a true and genuine effort to connect with and support other women. BLESS. This is a good one.
My favorite bit had to do with "breadcrumbing" and a little reminder that Basic, Entitled White Boys are abundant.
Tweten's writing is sharp, humorous, intelligent, and cutting. Glad she is the voice of today's women in the dating sphere. Hell, she even provides her phone number at the end of the book in a true and genuine effort to connect with and support other women. BLESS. This is a good one.
February 19, 2019
Caty says: I'm a little bit salty that this book wasn't longer. I know there is so much more that can be said about the heinous acts of men on the internet. I love the social commentary of this book. It has gotten a lot of flack as just a feminist rant outing men for their uncontrollable urges, but like honestly why shouldn't it be that? Women shouldn't have to deal with the kind of atrocities illustrated in this book, and I really admire how the author encourages women to stand up and be loud, normalizing the discussion until it is no longer necessary.
February 10, 2019
Funny!
With horribly disgusting misogynistic entitled men thrown in.
That’s why I love the women who forward the comments to their mothers, sisters and grandmothers!
Too bad it’s not required reading before any man can sign up on a dating site, with a book report due, and exam to prove they’ve read it.
With horribly disgusting misogynistic entitled men thrown in.
That’s why I love the women who forward the comments to their mothers, sisters and grandmothers!
Too bad it’s not required reading before any man can sign up on a dating site, with a book report due, and exam to prove they’ve read it.
December 23, 2018
A thoroughly enjoyable read, but also a bit disturbing, especially for someone who hasn’t ventured into online dating. I really enjoyed the humour in the book though, it could have been a really depressing read but the way it was put together was great.
February 9, 2019
Great read for anyone trudging through online dating at any point in their lives. I finished feeling validated, empowered, and with a whole trove of great ways to respond if/when I receive a frustrating dating message.
January 9, 2019
Wow! This was a stellar read and I quite frankly couldn’t put it down. I found myself constantly writing down my favorite quotes and sending them to friends writing “THIS IS THE ONLINE DATING BIBLE!” With that said I highly recommend this book if you value intersectional feminism and are someone who has or is currently online dating. There’s so much to relate to; you won’t be disappointed!
August 26, 2020
I started online dating a few months back and thankfully haven't come across any guy that's as bad as the ones in this book. But sadly, I do have friends who have come across guys like these.
I learned of this book while following the Bye Felipe IG account, and it turned out to be an entertaining, informational, and sometimes depressing read (that yes, some "men" actually do act like this because they can't handle rejection. And yes the air quotes because real men don't act like this). This definitely showcases the worst of the lot, and some are downright terrifying. And yes, we women do need to stick together.
Don't let it turn you off from OLD, though, it's definitely what you make of it! Just be prepared and be careful!
I learned of this book while following the Bye Felipe IG account, and it turned out to be an entertaining, informational, and sometimes depressing read (that yes, some "men" actually do act like this because they can't handle rejection. And yes the air quotes because real men don't act like this). This definitely showcases the worst of the lot, and some are downright terrifying. And yes, we women do need to stick together.
Don't let it turn you off from OLD, though, it's definitely what you make of it! Just be prepared and be careful!
March 14, 2019
Bye Felipe will definitely make you feel a sense of solidarity. Any woman that has dated on or off dating apps will relate to a lot of what Alexandra writes about.
Part memoir, inspiration, and actual texts and messages from different types of men (along with definitions and statistics) read for fun, read for info, read because Alexandra started outing all the pervs, douches, and abusive men that are out there.
Part memoir, inspiration, and actual texts and messages from different types of men (along with definitions and statistics) read for fun, read for info, read because Alexandra started outing all the pervs, douches, and abusive men that are out there.
September 3, 2018
Couldn’t put this down! Online dating can be such a difficult trash experience for women. This book takes a look at some of the worst offenders of online harassment and explains where they come from and how to deal. Extremely relatable and also wise, this is like the book equivalent of dating advice from a cool big sister who’s already been through it all.
November 20, 2018
easily one of the top 3 books I've read this year. it sucks you in with it's wit and humor. it's filled with tons of relevant insight and advise. I've already recommended it to all my gal pals, single or not. ;)
May 4, 2019
If anyone thinks women aren’t really getting harassed online they need to read this. It’s appalling but not really surprising to me. I’m glad Bye Felipe exists to offer support and guidelines on how to survive online dating. This is a definite recommend.
July 15, 2019
If you are single. Dating. Married. Asexual. Whatever. If you have a vagina or a penis or you want to get rid of one of those things. Pls read this. It’s fun and terrifying and disgusting and disheartening.
July 22, 2019
I think this would be really great for anyone who is starting into the online dating world, and unfortunately so many of Tweten's observations are true. Only giving it the lower rating as it seems that many of the tips are obvious, but I loved the ending and the "be your own dream girl" speech.
November 26, 2018
Review copy received from the publicist! Full review to come on my BookTube channel :)
April 12, 2019
Fun read, but nothing new written in here that hasn't been said on her Instagram.
April 21, 2019
I’d give this book 4.5 stars if I could. Some points were pretty obvious, but other points hit close to home to where I had to set the book down and reflect for a bit.
November 15, 2019
Such a great read. I've never really been one for online dating but am no stranger to the phenomenon that is men sliding into my DMs.
I loved the screenshots of the conversations, but the book actually gave some great advice. I love her Instagram account and this was the perfect mix of sage wisdom with snark. A more in-depth experience. She's the brutal honesty that one needs to hear but can't always get from a friend. I could relate to this because it's the type of honesty that I am with friends - except sometimes it's easier to hear from an unrelated source!
Enough that I've recommended this to friends who are currently dating and dealing with the online beast that is ghosting and struggling to find a man who doesn't lead them on.
I found this easy to read, put down when life happens and pick back up again. If I was able to sit down and read, it's probably a good couple hours of read time. It took me a couple of days because kids are demanding my time.
I loved the screenshots of the conversations, but the book actually gave some great advice. I love her Instagram account and this was the perfect mix of sage wisdom with snark. A more in-depth experience. She's the brutal honesty that one needs to hear but can't always get from a friend. I could relate to this because it's the type of honesty that I am with friends - except sometimes it's easier to hear from an unrelated source!
Enough that I've recommended this to friends who are currently dating and dealing with the online beast that is ghosting and struggling to find a man who doesn't lead them on.
I found this easy to read, put down when life happens and pick back up again. If I was able to sit down and read, it's probably a good couple hours of read time. It took me a couple of days because kids are demanding my time.
November 25, 2019
Humorous, honest, and entertaining. Comes with some tips, and infographics with playful illustrations.
Funny, and simultaneously upsetting reactions to real life experiences over unsolicited dick pics and f*ckboys.
A surprisingly light and fast read, I got hooked till the end and left with feel good vibes. I’m a fan of the author and have been listening to the the V Single podcast
Funny, and simultaneously upsetting reactions to real life experiences over unsolicited dick pics and f*ckboys.
A surprisingly light and fast read, I got hooked till the end and left with feel good vibes. I’m a fan of the author and have been listening to the the V Single podcast
August 8, 2020
Entertaining. Good mix of funny and informative. Great crash course for women both new at online dating, and those who are seasoned. I’m in a serious long term relationship and I still enjoyed reading it. Great reminder on self worth and that we women are awesome!
February 11, 2025
What I don't understand is if a man calls you names and says mean stuff why not just un-match and block them? Why continue the conversation? What is the point? Am I missing something? The minute a guy says something offensive he's blocked, why waste time? Are we trying to prove something?
July 21, 2021
Hilarious and sadly far too relatable.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 34 reviews