In the Hands of a Mischievous God

by Theodora Sarah Abigail

"This is a very tumultuous journey of self-discovery, and I worry that once I finally arrive at the doorstep of myself, I will knock—and the door will open to reveal an empty house."


In the Hands of a Mischievous God is an intimate portrait of a young artist and her earliest memories. This stunning collection is written with frank, disarming honesty, and ranges from reflections on the rooms in her childhood home to her views on the concept of love. Each essay follows the red strings of fate and explores just what it means for a girl to grow up.

Genres: Fiction, Essays, Indonesian Literature

263 pages, Paperback

First published December 18, 2017

About the author

Theodora Sarah Abigail is a beating heart in a warm body, and prefers to be called Ebi. She loves drinking tea and making beautiful things with her hands. You can find her on Twitter as @hellohonebi and on Instagram as @theodorasarahabigail.

She is entirely, absolutely ordinary.

Reviews

[Suci · Rating 2 out of 5]

The book was started so brilliantly. I loved the prologue so much that I expected so much from this book. And voila, it's an autobiography (okay, I didn't realize about this at first). I loved it that the writer is so honest and frank. The further I went by the book, I felt like the plots were quite... messy. They were like some ridiculously-tied threads and you tried to untangle them one by one. In the end, you couldn't meet the end(s). Why? There were so many parts where they left un-ended. In Bahasa, ngegantung. There were just so much to discover, but unfortunately I just can't. The story was also messy because in the midst of some events, suddenly there were another things which intervened and I was like, what? But after all, again, the book was quite motivating. I realized that the purpose of writing the book itself was to motivate people, especially girls (I'm not being sexist). The thing is, everything will be just fine in the end and be yourself. Believe it or not, we need such encouragement, and this book is here to deliver it to you in a finest way. I call it 'finest way' because of she, the writer, is the proof of these things. But, well, it depends on you on how you wanna overcome all your tied-threads. ;)

For grammatical error, I don't mind. That is always the problem of Indonesian's publishers. Andddd I also still made lots of grammatical error and even some other petty errors. Lol, we all do! Hahahaha.

OH ONE MORE THING! THE COVER IS SO SIMPLE I LOVE IT! SO MINIMALIST!!

[Madina · Rating 5 out of 5]

i'm not being biased, in this review, i swear to god. i knew that ebi was always a phenomenal writer but she blew me away with this book - when the blurb says unflinching honesty, it's not joking. the words will grab your shoulders and hiss, look at me for what i am. there is no attempt to bury what has happened in metaphors & allusions and god i hope one day i will be brave enough to do that. thank you so much for your honesty laid bare - my first thought is sacrifice, but this is not that. these are just stories & thoughts, presented as they are - and the only thing we can do is sit and reckon with what they mean for us.

[Ziyy · Rating 4 out of 5]

Bagus! Kontemplatif dan wise. Bagian awal buku memang part terbaiknya sih, tapi the second half juga bagus dan menurutku gaya nulisnya konsisten. Untuk “membuka diri” se vulnerable itu dengan penulisan yang sangat articulate tuh ga mudah sih. So I really appriaciate that. She had so much potential and I can’t wait to look for her other works.

[Sashi · Rating 3 out of 5]

The first two-three chapters are nicely worded but the more I read, the more I felt like it was too personal. After reaching halfway I struggle so much because it seems like there's a little reason to keep me going. It was sad because I was really hoping I could enjoy this one. But I don't know what to expect from this book.

[Anaclara · Rating 4 out of 5]

Boekje heeft een mooie kijk op opgroeien, fijn om te lezen! (zeker in Indonesië zijnde)

[Deir Zahrani · Rating 2 out of 5]

It has a beautiful and attractive prologue, but doesn't have the x-factor that can make me keep on reading

[Joanne Amarisa · Rating 3 out of 5]

I'll start by saying that I admire Ebi for both her honesty and courage in publishing this work. This book was an insightful read and is definitely a strong contender compared to other books published by KPG. Whatever opinion you have towards this book or the author, you must admit that Ebi is a woman with a heart set out to become not just a writer, but also her truest, rawest, most genuine self in front of the rest of the world.
This book started out strong. It showed Ebi's knack for fluid storytelling; she shares stories as purely and effortlessly as a childhood friend sitting next to you during lunch break, telling you about her weekend, and sharing with you a bite of her peanut butter & jelly sandwich. From beginning to end, this book also perfectly represents her soul; everything from who she is, where she came from, what matters to her, are all reflected so vividly in the stories she chose to write.
Poetic undertones, naive sentimentality, and a tiny hint of brashness, for an Indonesian-published book, it's really quite endearing.
But this book also has a fair number of faults. And it truly breaks my heart because it owns so much potential to be a far greater, even an exceptional book. But sadly, in itself, it just doesn't make the cut.
First of all, the book goes on many tangents. Most of them paragraphs of nostalgic afterthoughts, while some as just sentences that contribute nothing to the story being told. Fluidity is good to carry a reader through an essay, but a bit too much of what's in this book felt so off-track. I don't know if some readers may enjoy that type of "flow" but I just found it rather bothersome.
Second, the code switching going on in this book is- I'll say it- horrible. It wasn't so apparent within the first half of the book, but progressing deeper into it, it grew sillier and sillier each time. In page 218, she writes, "We could snack on makanan nge-hits," when she could've just continued on saying "we could snack on popular street food." I understand some Indonesian words are best presented as they are, without translation, but "we stopped to eat makanan khas Pekalongan at a pedagang kaki lima" (pg 251) is just absolutely horrendous. The back-and-forth between the two languages was just messy and often times unnecessary. That one could've easily been changed to "We stopped to eat Pekalongan's traditional food, at one of the stalls by the street's side." Okay I'm no editor, but you get the idea.
And that, is the root of nearly all the problems I find with this book. It is quite badly edited. The grammatical errors and mistakes seem to be prevalent not as a result of merely "bad writing"- because truth be told, I believe Ebi is a gifted, talented writer- but because of the absence of proper editing done to the book. (If any, it seems.) The book, as charming as the stories may be, was poorly structured and honestly, lacked a backbone, and it needed more proper editing to avoid sounding like a high schooler's diary.
I also don't know how I feel about how her family was presented in this book (by which I mean her husband and child.) The issue I have with this isn't that they weren't mentioned enough (because they were, quite a few times), but in the tone or impression she left the readers with as she finishes the story. Writing about her husband, for instance, the story felt a little shut after we learn about their "mistake." We read about how her wedding wasn't as what she expected, etc. I understand that the author is being vulnerable in these recollections (and I commend her for it, truly) about her life with her husband and child, but with all due respect, I'd be lying if I didn't feel like, at some points, the way she carried out her story and the points at which she shuts it down, just sounded a little ungrateful and unsettling, in regards to the both of them. I just felt like it was desperately missing an uplifting narrative (of maybe "but we learned and grew together and hey our lives now are okay and I'm still so grateful for both my husband and my child despite them not being perfect!"), as there weren't any, but it could be just me and that could've just been part of her intention.
Again, overall, it is a nice book, made by a very promising and creative writer. I would still recommend it to my fellow reading enthusiasts in Indonesia. It's just a shame how the book gradually weakened towards the end (very miserably), even though it still closed with a nice sentence. I hoped that would make up for the whole second half of the book where it seemed like the framework was crumbling out of control, but in all honesty, it didn't.
Goodreads doesn't allow half stars, but I give this book a 3.5/5 overall. I'm still very expectant and hope Ebi continues to evolve in her work and publish much better pieces in the future!

[Mochammad Yusni · Rating 2 out of 5]

A female friend recommended this book to me a year ago, and just read it today. I tried, and i found out somehow this book is not for me for several reasons. First, as a autobiography, i found the story within this book is not really interesting for me (except for "Immaculata" and "God in The Throat") maybe because i love reading stories with very deep, dark and very complex problems. Meanwhile, yes, the writer has some major problems that she had to get through in her life (and i didn't say that her problems are not valid), but her stories almost can be find in many life of a middle class girl everywhere, so there's nothing new. Maybe because i am also a man, so we have different approach of seeing life and it's difficult for me to relate to her problems. For me, her stories are quite light (not strong, and engaging enough), but her writing skills is good and smooth help a lot to read the whole experience. Eventhough sometimes she goes all around to try to tell her points, which i find sometimes unecessary.

[Natasha · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a really good book to read. It's not a fiction, but it will surely give you the enjoyment while reading. It tells you about life and some other aspects inside it. I'm still on the 44th page but I already love this book so much. Somehow I feel a kind of connection with the writer, Ebi. By this book, I can feel that she really pours her heart into her works. She really is genuine while writing the book. I feel like I've known her for so long and she's the big sister I'm looking for all this time.

If you're considering to buy this book, go buy it. No hesitation needed. You really won't regret it.

p.s: it's not your daily reading dose if you really love fictions and not aiming for reality.

[Aghni Ulma Saudi · Rating 2 out of 5]

I’m a feminist and I like reading feminist writing. Although this book may start off in all feminist vibe, but it’s written not in a very good way. The story line is not systematically told. The story itself is not very interesting. I got bored only by reaching the third chapter and decided to skim all the rest 200 pages in an hour.

This book is more like an anonymous blog that you write when you feel that you want to write something but you can’t really write them on your personal blog because you just want to let your feelings out and you know they may get ugly. It’s okay, I sometimes do it. But capitalize your own anonymous diary and label it as “stunning collections of love and womanhood”, I think it’s a misleading statement.

[Fachrina · Rating 4 out of 5]

I bought this randomly, and I'm really glad I did.

In nine essays (plus a prologue and an afterword), the author wrote about her life and her relationships with her mother and family. Occasionally the essays zoom out and connect themselves into a wider discussion on certain issues, like what being a woman means, but I found that the writing is strongest when the writer focused on her life. She dissected her memories frankly for the most part, though there were several parts where I wish the author had dug deeper.

The observations resonate strongly, the writing gorgeous - direct and vivid. I particularly enjoyed the refreshing way she used familiar metaphors. All in all, a beautiful book.

[Nurul Ulimaz Alif · Rating 4 out of 5]

Saya senang dengan proses pencarian jati diri yang Kak Ebi sampaikan disini. Dengan banyak misteri, kebencian, kesalahan, lalu kemudian belajar memaafkan, memperbaiki diri, dan mulai belajar arti mencintai yang sesungguhnya.

Sebenernya kisah-kisah di buku ini mungkin 11 12 dengan jalan hidup saya (baca : melakukan kesalahan-menyesal-disadarkan orang-belajar), dan saya sangat bersyukur membacanya, membuat saya teringat akan memori-memori lama.

Walaupun sempat kehilangan ketertarikan ditengah membaca, saya senang kisah diakhir sangat menarik minat membaca. Bagian yang paling saya suka adalah Ships Passing dan The Yellow House.

[Megawati · Rating 5 out of 5]

Aku beli buku ini kemarin di UWRF18. Lagi lihat buku di stallnya KPG, terus cover depannya menarik. Lalu aku cari nama penulisnya di Google dan baca tentang dia. Cerita dia memang menarik. Dia ibu muda, keturunan Tionghoa, dan dibesarkan di US. Saking jujurnya akhirnya aku memutuskan untuk beli buku ini.

Bahasa Inggrisnya Mba Theodora memang susah dipahami, apalagi bagi orang seperti aku yang jarang baca buku bahasa Inggris.. Tapi setelah dengar dia cerita di panelnya, aku akhirnya selesaikan bukunya dan benar benar speechless. Thank you Mba sudah menulis buku ini. Berkarya terus yaaa.

[Risma · Rating 3 out of 5]

Honestly, I expected a lot from this book because the first chapter was really worth the read. But then, as time goes by (I tried to read it more) it becomes a book that I want to put down. It's just hard for me to find excuses to procrastinate and read it, perhaps because I can't relate to it. I'd say the story is a bit messy, I can't read it. Though, the cover of the book is so simple, I really like it.

But, putting all those aside,
I followed the writer, I like how she is very open about herself throughout her writing especially in this book.

[Elise Wijaya · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was a hard book to read. It talked about a lot of hard topics. I liked that there wasn't too much focus on romance, because I think people and writers focus so much on romance and it gets stale after a while. Theodora talks about flea markets, and about her family, and about possession and spirits... it's more than I expected when I first saw it in Gramedia.

I agree with the other reviewers, there are some grammar mistakes and other errors.. A better editor maybe?

[Rinjani · Rating 5 out of 5]

Ceritanya ga ke-tebak, dan agak susah dibaca soalnya bahasa-nya agak complex. Tapi seru. Ada esai tentang feminism, lalu ada esai tentang musim gugur dan bahasa si penulis (Inggris dan bahasa Indonesia). Memang ada beberapa error, tapi overall ya membuatku berfikir tentang hidupku, keluargaku, pasanganku, dll.

Esai favoritku adalah Thieves, soalnya saya suka barang vintage dan isi esainya cerita tentang barang-barang vintage. Lucu skalii.

[roseate · Rating 3 out of 5]

i like how the daily chats bring into the core of bottom line. the narratives in general, even some parts are too long and going everywhere, are brought to have a momentary contemplation before we have an epiphany in every chapter.

i love the parangtritis chapter, when ngkong said to her "you should slow down and take it easy. give some space to figure yourself out."

really as how every grown up process should be.

this is very heartwarming essays

[Ayu · Rating 3 out of 5]

Kalau buku ini namanya apa ya? Autobiografi? Memoar? Atau catatan harian biasa ya?
Walaupun penulis bukan figur publik yang gimana gitu ya, tapi saya kayak bisa merasa related sama pengalaman-pengalamannya penulis. Pengalaman masa kecil, perasaan tentang keluarganya, opini-opini tentang perempuan, menurutku cocok aja gitu

[Ray Shabir · Rating 4 out of 5]

very-very personal and raw. theodora has a great talent in creating moments and welcoming the readers with open arms, before we realized that we were the ones being consumed. a thoughtful portrayal of the growing pains of youth, and the author has lulled us with her honest truth.

[Arya Wiguna · Rating 5 out of 5]

so relatable and sad. actually, i'm not the same background from the author so reading the experiences felt enlightening. i kept thinking about my own family and younger sister while reading it. i wish there could be more books like this one.

[Jess · Rating 3 out of 5]

Read this book feels like reading a diary, tackle a lot of issues in the writer’s life, sometimes I felt related to that experience and I also learn from it.

The juggling plot-line and timeline is a little bit hard to understand

[Audrey · Rating 3 out of 5]

it’s a good book. but get a better editor next time, i’ve noticed a few grammatical errors.

[Steven S · Rating 4 out of 5]

nice book about life.

[Timcil · Rating 4 out of 5]

i really really like her choice of words! and how she wrote her own point view about feminism (first chapter is my favorite in the entire book!). I'll be waiting for your writing, keep it up<3

[Sophia Mega · Rating 3 out of 5]

Empowering other girls to deal with herself, mother, past, how marriage life and having a daughter. Love the analogy that the writer put in the book ❤

[Grisselda · Rating 4 out of 5]

Wow, so raw and beautiful. A solid good read.

[Haikal Satria · Rating 5 out of 5]

Never saw myself in a book before. It's a really good feeling.

[Carly · Rating 3 out of 5]

Delightful and relatable read for young women coming to terms with notions of identity, 'home', community, belonging and desires.

[Anisah]

Dnf

[kemutisyndrome · Rating 4 out of 5]

i kinda dont like the middle part of da book but some pages really hit my soul, it successfully potrayed thoughts that i cannot word out before.