In Memoriam

by Henri J.M. Nouwen, Michael O'Laughlin (Foreword)

Rare book

Genres: Spirituality, Nonfiction, Grief, Religion

60 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 1980

About the author

Henri Jozef Machiel Nouwen was a Dutch Catholic priest, theologian, psychologist, professor, and spiritual writer whose work profoundly shaped contemporary Christian spirituality. Born in Nijkerk, the Netherlands, in 1932, Nouwen pursued religious studies and was ordained a priest in 1957. His intellectual curiosity led him to study psychology at the Catholic University of Nijmegen and later at the Menninger Clinic in Kansas, where he explored the connection between faith and mental health. Throughout his life, Nouwen remained committed to integrating pastoral care, psychology, and spiritual theology in a way that addressed the emotional and existential needs of believers.
Nouwen held teaching positions at prestigious institutions including the University of Notre Dame, Yale Divinity School, and Harvard Divinity School. He authored over three dozen books and hundreds of articles, with notable works such as The Wounded Healer, The Return of the Prodigal Son, Life of the Beloved, and The Inner Voice of Love. His writing, often rooted in personal vulnerability and spiritual struggle, resonated with readers across denominations. Nouwen openly explored themes of loneliness, identity, intimacy, and the human desire for love and belonging, making his voice especially relatable and influential.
Though he was a gifted academic and popular speaker, Nouwen found his deepest calling later in life through his involvement with L’Arche, a network of communities for people with intellectual and developmental disabilities. After a transformative stay at the original L’Arche community in France, Nouwen accepted an invitation to become the pastor of L’Arche Daybreak in Richmond Hill, Ontario. There he developed a close bond with Adam Arnett, a core member with severe disabilities, which inspired the book Adam: God’s Beloved. At Daybreak, Nouwen discovered a deep spiritual home and a community that helped him embrace his humanity in profound ways.
Throughout his life, Nouwen wrestled with issues of identity, including his sexuality and his longing for connection, though he remained faithful to his vows. His openness about depression and inner conflict gave depth to his pastoral message, and his ability to turn personal struggle into shared spiritual insight made him one of the most beloved spiritual writers of the 20th century.
Henri Nouwen died in 1996 of a sudden heart attack, but his legacy endures through his writings, the Henri Nouwen Society, and the continued global reach of his message of belovedness, vulnerability, and compassionate community. His books remain bestsellers, widely read in seminaries, churches, and among individuals seeking a more intimate walk with God.

Reviews

[Dori Sabourin · Rating 5 out of 5]

Henri J.M. Nouwen gives credit to his mother for the lessons she has taught him in life which led to his decision to become ordained into the priesthood. He shares how watching her death affected him and his family. He related that not being in the room when she took her last breath, caused him to feel guilty, until he realized that he wasn't suppose to be as his father needed to be with her when she passed. Some time after, Nouwen became aware that he must be patient and allow his mother who taught him so much by her life, to teach him even more by her death.

[Kathy · Rating 5 out of 5]

A short but poignant book. The author shares his thoughts on the passing of his mother and what death means in our world. Very insightful and a lot to think about in this short book.
An inspirational read, especially for anyone (and this will be everyone) who has lost a loved one.

[Tori · Rating 5 out of 5]

Loved this quick read.

Favorite parts....

.....May eternal light enlighten her that she may rest in peace.

In a society which is much more inclined to help you hide your pain than to grown through it, it is necessary to make a very conscious effort to mourn.

To remember her does not mean telling her story over and over again to my friends, nor does it mean pictures on the walk or a stone on her grave; it does not even mean constantly thinking about her. No. It means making her a participant in God's ongoing work of redemption by allowing her to dispel in me a little more of my darkness and lead me a little closer to the light.

Sometimes I find myself daydreaming about radical changes, new beginnings and great conversations. Yet I know that I must be patient and allow her who taught me so much by her life to teach me even more by her death.

Page 34 and 35

[Ellen · Rating 4 out of 5]

I'm occasionally drawn to the books about loss & grief; this was a short "intimate reflection" on the death of Henri Nouwen's mother...which did bring me right back to April of 2009, and the last week & moments of my Mom's life.

The last 2 sentences in the book really do make me think: "Sometimes I find myself daydreaming about radical changes, new beginnings and great conversions. Yet I know that I must be patient and allow her who taught me so much by her life to teach me even more by her death."

So...forging ahead & doing my best & learning so much along the way!

[Alley]

I read this about a year after my mother's death and I kept thinking the entire time I was reading it that I'd wished I'd had it sooner. Written about the death of Nouwen's mother, the book gave a name and validity to a lot of my own feelings about loss, grief and nurturing the spiritual connection that not even death can sever.

[Lee Pfahler · Rating 4 out of 5]

Another short book by Nouwen but full of great thoughts and introspection about his walk with his mother on her deathbed. He concludes that "by letting her go I did not lose her. Rather, I found that she is closer to me than ever. In and through the Spirit of Christ, she indeed is becoming a part of my very being." (60)

[Brenda · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very very helpful little book about losing a parent. While it is the musings of a son on the loss of a cherished parent, it is also the instruction of a pastor in how to grieve, and the changes that loss brings.

[J.D. · Rating 4 out of 5]

Wonderful short book talking about the time after his mother's death. His perspective is so on and allows for learning as well as experiencing humanity during this time.

[Michelle · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book can be read in an hour. I read again after my Father's death. It comforts in grief. It helps clarify the struggle.

[Paula Tomy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Nouwen is one of my all time favorites of any genre.