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256 pages, Hardcover
First published January 1, 1948
...when I returned alone from the morgue, darkness had set in. As I walked up the Rue de la Chausée-d'Antin, swimming on waves of sadness and grief and thinking about death, I raised my head and saw a huge stone angel, dark as night, looming up at the end of the street. Three seconds later, I realized it was the bulk of the Church of the Trinity, but for three seconds I had felt the horror of my condition, of my poor helplessness in the presence of what seemed in the darkness (and less in the August darkness of Paris than in the thicker darkness of my dismal thoughts) to be the angel of death and death itself, both of them as unyielding as a rock. And a moment ago, when writing the word "Hitlerian," in which Hitler is contained, it was the Church of the Trinity, dark and formless enough to look like the eagle of the Reich, that I saw moving toward me. For a very brief instant, I relived the three seconds in which it was as if I were petrified, appallingly attracted by those stones, the horror of which I felt but from which my trapped gaze could not flee. I felt it was evil to gaze in that way, with that insistence and that abandon, yet I kept gazing. It is not yet the moment for me to know whether the Führer of the Germans is, in general, to personify death, but I shall speak of him, inspired by my love for Jean, for his soldiers, and perhaps shall learn what secret role they play in my heart.So but it's not just the repetition (it will be repeated again repeatedly) of "three seconds" that cues one into something being off. It's also all that "waves of sadness and grief" and "dark as night" and "looming up" and "the horror of my condition" and "my poor helplessness" and “the thicker darkness of my dismal thoughts” and “unyielding as a rock” and “dark and formless enough...” and (“three seconds” again make six) and “appallingly attracted” and “the horror” (enough “horror” already with your mid-cent=French!) and “my trapped gaze could not flee” and “I felt” and “to gaze” and “I kept gazing” (another magic word, “gaze”; thanks Sartre) and “to personify death” and “inspired by my love for Jean” and “in my heart” and and and and and.