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Eats, Shites & Leaves: Crap English and How to Use It
Here is the long-awaited antidote to those pedants out there who insist on pointing out every single misuse of both written and spoken English. The English language is an ever-changing and complex thing, and for every English language "stickler" who never misspeaks there is somebody who is bamboozled and befuddled by grammatical trapdoors, puzzled by punctuation, and who spells words with diabolical inaccuracy. Featuring highlights such as ambiguous ads ( Why not have the kids shot for Easter, or have a family portrait taken?), dangling modifiers (She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate directions in early December.), and senseless statements (With half the race gone, there is half the race still to go.), this humorous guide brings to light the prevalence of absent apostrophes, ghastly grammar, suspect sentences, rambling repetitiveness, insane instructions, and quirky quotations in society today.
160 pages, Paperback
First published September 1, 2004
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 45 reviews
August 29, 2013
Read my full review at wadingthroughbooks.wordpress.com!
Every English major will find this book hilarious. I once saw a shirt that said “English does not borrow from other languages. English waits in dark alleys and knocks other languages over the head and goes through their pockets looking for loose grammar.” Eats, Shites & Leaves is basically a collection of lists: poor grammar, strange quotes, odd words, uncommon euphemisms, illogical phrases, rare words, classic clichés, rude slang, and many more things that show the sheer insanity and inanity that we call the English language.
Funny as it is, it does get a bit boring just reading list after list, so I would read this book in chunks rather than straight through–as with any joke, timing is everything.
Every English major will find this book hilarious. I once saw a shirt that said “English does not borrow from other languages. English waits in dark alleys and knocks other languages over the head and goes through their pockets looking for loose grammar.” Eats, Shites & Leaves is basically a collection of lists: poor grammar, strange quotes, odd words, uncommon euphemisms, illogical phrases, rare words, classic clichés, rude slang, and many more things that show the sheer insanity and inanity that we call the English language.
Funny as it is, it does get a bit boring just reading list after list, so I would read this book in chunks rather than straight through–as with any joke, timing is everything.
September 4, 2019
A parody of Eats, Shoots and Leaves, this was a fun little book of puns, slang and celebrities' questionable quotes to show how illogical English is. It starts by stating the rules of good English writing and then joyfully breaks all of them. Nothing earth-shattering, but reading about grammar brings me joy.
March 13, 2019
Eats, Shites, and Leaves by Michael O’Mara is a parody about the way English is used and misused. A subtitle of Crap English and How to Use It assures me that I will have fun reading it. This can’t be reviewed as I do many novels because it more resembles a collection of lists. A trendy modern term which some online publications and blogs use is “listicle.” I actively avoid listicles. It is as if authors of listicles are publishing their mind maps and it is the reader (me) who must connect the dots. This parody is not a collection of mind maps. O’Mara provides short introductions to sections and explains the origins of words and phrases in the section while adding personal observations.
Still, reviewing a work like this is like reviewing a dictionary or a phone book. I will provide a few example sections and phrases I thought clever. Readers can also find an index at the back of the book with links back to specific examples. There are sections on phrases and words that can be used in place of overused words. There are sections of loanwords from other languages that have become standard and incorrectly used in modern, everyday language. There are several sections on clichés. Several sections examine unfortunately phrased English that resulted in grammatically correct sentences but with meanings the original authors probably did not intend.
This is an informative and entertaining novel. It is not an all-encompassing reference work for writers although it can fit in a collection of several other reference works. Some of those are also listed at the end of this novel. This has 176 pages and sells on Amazon for USD 0.99. The novel’s digital publication date is 2014. It is good to note this date when looking at a section describing “modern” slang. The collection is better than OK (three stars) but less than four stars although I will round it up to four stars on the Amazon website. I feel the actual rating should be less than four stars because most of the content is taken from others for lists. Credit is given to original presenters of phrases (George Bush, Dan Quayle) but I have an aversion to listicles even if, as in this case, they are better than other listicles. On to examples.
THE COMPLETE RULES OF GOOD WRITING (1) ***** There are several of these sections. Prescriptive rules are some of my favorite things to make fun of. Here are a couple of examples:
Always finish what you star
Always avoid annoying alliteration.
Avoid clichés like the plague – they’re so old hat. (p. 14)
TEN EXAMPLES OF CRAP ENGLISH ***** (nope, not ten here, just a couple).
3. She liked cooking Delia Smith in particular.
4. He put on his dress shirt and shoes. (p.15)
NO WONDER CHILDREN AREN’T LEARNING GOOD ENGLISH IF THEY FOLLOW THESE EXAMPLES
‘Why not have the kids shot for Easter, or have a family portrait taken? What have you got to lose?’
‘Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.’ (p.16)
As you can see by the referenced pages, the sections are short. There is a section for modern terminology trends. My favorite in that section is “mouse-potato.” Think couch potato, apply the aging process and you have the definition.
Politicians take the fall for a lot of language errors in this collection. That is bound to happen when a person lives in the spotlight. Dan Quayle has always been one of my favorites. He offers, “I have made good judgments in the past. I have made good judgments in the future.” (p. 147). His views on child care were expressed by, “Republicans understand the importance of bondage between a mother and child.” (p. 109). That appears as a dark comment in days when families are torn apart at the US southern border.
Even our Great Communicator can get it wrong sometimes. Ronald Reagan came out with “There is a mandate to impose a voluntary return to traditional values.” (p.89).
For a light-hearted look at English language use, give this a try. There will be smiles*, chuckles, and grins.
*smiles* One of the longest English words because there is a mile between s****s. Yes, there is a section on puns.
Still, reviewing a work like this is like reviewing a dictionary or a phone book. I will provide a few example sections and phrases I thought clever. Readers can also find an index at the back of the book with links back to specific examples. There are sections on phrases and words that can be used in place of overused words. There are sections of loanwords from other languages that have become standard and incorrectly used in modern, everyday language. There are several sections on clichés. Several sections examine unfortunately phrased English that resulted in grammatically correct sentences but with meanings the original authors probably did not intend.
This is an informative and entertaining novel. It is not an all-encompassing reference work for writers although it can fit in a collection of several other reference works. Some of those are also listed at the end of this novel. This has 176 pages and sells on Amazon for USD 0.99. The novel’s digital publication date is 2014. It is good to note this date when looking at a section describing “modern” slang. The collection is better than OK (three stars) but less than four stars although I will round it up to four stars on the Amazon website. I feel the actual rating should be less than four stars because most of the content is taken from others for lists. Credit is given to original presenters of phrases (George Bush, Dan Quayle) but I have an aversion to listicles even if, as in this case, they are better than other listicles. On to examples.
THE COMPLETE RULES OF GOOD WRITING (1) ***** There are several of these sections. Prescriptive rules are some of my favorite things to make fun of. Here are a couple of examples:
Always finish what you star
Always avoid annoying alliteration.
Avoid clichés like the plague – they’re so old hat. (p. 14)
TEN EXAMPLES OF CRAP ENGLISH ***** (nope, not ten here, just a couple).
3. She liked cooking Delia Smith in particular.
4. He put on his dress shirt and shoes. (p.15)
NO WONDER CHILDREN AREN’T LEARNING GOOD ENGLISH IF THEY FOLLOW THESE EXAMPLES
‘Why not have the kids shot for Easter, or have a family portrait taken? What have you got to lose?’
‘Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.’ (p.16)
As you can see by the referenced pages, the sections are short. There is a section for modern terminology trends. My favorite in that section is “mouse-potato.” Think couch potato, apply the aging process and you have the definition.
Politicians take the fall for a lot of language errors in this collection. That is bound to happen when a person lives in the spotlight. Dan Quayle has always been one of my favorites. He offers, “I have made good judgments in the past. I have made good judgments in the future.” (p. 147). His views on child care were expressed by, “Republicans understand the importance of bondage between a mother and child.” (p. 109). That appears as a dark comment in days when families are torn apart at the US southern border.
Even our Great Communicator can get it wrong sometimes. Ronald Reagan came out with “There is a mandate to impose a voluntary return to traditional values.” (p.89).
For a light-hearted look at English language use, give this a try. There will be smiles*, chuckles, and grins.
*smiles* One of the longest English words because there is a mile between s****s. Yes, there is a section on puns.
December 21, 2009
A parody of the well written, highly readable Eats Shoots and Leaves this book basically consists of lists of grammatical errors, confusing English words and slang from various parts of the English-speaking world. George W. Bush gets an entire page for his grammatical errors and there are some other American politicians that are very heavily featured; but the book is obviously written by a Brit and Brits always feel that Americans are the biggest basterdizers of the English language. (Not that any of the errors are simply interpretation thing, they are really really wrong.)
April 23, 2021
I found this book edutaining - educational and entertaining at the same time. Educational: with English as my second language, I felt like I was having a refresher from an English textbook (gone awry). Entertaining: I was amused by the "English lessons" and their counterpart parodies. What I love about this is that some parts are meant to be sarcastic which, for me, made the book compelling for lovers (and haters) of the English language. Much as I would like to recommend this to children who are studying English ('coz most parts are really educational), I'm holding myself back for obvious reasons: the title, for one. But if you're no longer a kid, it's definately definitely a worthwhile read.
April 4, 2024
3 stars.
The subtitle captures this book in a nutshell, though presented in a somewhat amusing way. I think most readers, like me, would have their fair share of those that they use / have used and would wince on occasion. There were other instances where I didn't quite get what was "wrong" with the sentence, though I didn't grow up in England and often didn't immediately get the nuance. An fun read if not for anything else, read a couple of pages here and there alongside my usual reading, so it's taken me over 3 months to finish this.
The subtitle captures this book in a nutshell, though presented in a somewhat amusing way. I think most readers, like me, would have their fair share of those that they use / have used and would wince on occasion. There were other instances where I didn't quite get what was "wrong" with the sentence, though I didn't grow up in England and often didn't immediately get the nuance. An fun read if not for anything else, read a couple of pages here and there alongside my usual reading, so it's taken me over 3 months to finish this.
November 4, 2025
It's a fun and witty read for anyone interested in grammar, the English language, and the fascinating flexibility of how we use words. Like others have pointed out, though, it can get a little tedious to read through the many suites of examples and lists. Still, it's a clever and entertaining way to explore the intricacies of English and to appreciate just how delightfully messy the language can be.
May 8, 2019
Sub-titled Crap English and How to Use It, this consists of lists of bad grammar, puns, metaphors and so on. Some of them are quite amusing, some are cringe-worthy (take a bow Dan Quayle, George Bush, Murray Walker…), and some just made me wince as I realised I’ve been guilty of using them in the past.
August 1, 2018
Having briefly flicked through this I thought it would be yet another tasteless mockery of those who do not speak perfect English, but was pleasantly surprised that it was not.
October 29, 2022
Hilarious, wordy fun
November 19, 2022
Do you find it reassuring that doctors call what they do practice?
A witty little treatise for the linguaphile.
(Really? Spellcheck doesn’t know this word?)
A witty little treatise for the linguaphile.
(Really? Spellcheck doesn’t know this word?)
December 3, 2022
interesting
Read
December 17, 2024""
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
November 4, 2025
Very funny!
July 13, 2010
43 books/2010
This is presented as a parody of Eats Shoots and Leaves but does not quite meet this expectation. But that's ok! I am a dork, and love grammar books, and this one tells you all about "crap English" and it's many uses, including various slang for different English speaking countries. I love it, because it makes fun of bad grammar AND the various crazy but correct rules in English.
This is presented as a parody of Eats Shoots and Leaves but does not quite meet this expectation. But that's ok! I am a dork, and love grammar books, and this one tells you all about "crap English" and it's many uses, including various slang for different English speaking countries. I love it, because it makes fun of bad grammar AND the various crazy but correct rules in English.
March 5, 2015
The writing in this book surprised and intrigued me at first, then I became addicted to how witty and true the writing in this book can be. This book is a perfect parody of the book "Eats, Shoots, and Leaves". It is a nice introduction into deeper thought on English. The strength of this book in particular, is the fact that it is entertaining and easy to follow. The sad part about it is that it does not vary in topic that much and becomes repetitive. Ultimately I would recommend this book to my classmates for a nice laugh.
November 12, 2012
I read this before reading Eats, Shoots, and Leaves, and I have to admit, it's brilliant. The English language is too fluid in order to keep to such rigid language constructs as educators would have us. The language needs to be flexible in order to be the beautiful, poetic language it can be. Just look at Shakespeare: he made the English language something to be proud of by tossing aside many of the rules of the day.
October 28, 2015
An ultimately forgettable but nonetheless amusing book about dumb grammar rules, frequently misspelled words, and how messed up the English language actually is. It is comprised of short lists and passages rather than full chapters, so it makes for perfect bathroom reading. Don't expect to laugh out loud, but it got a few chuckles out of me here and there. I personally would have enjoyed it better if it cited sources, but that's just the nerd in me.
July 15, 2007
Has some interesting examples of linguistic phenomena and plays with English quite a bit. It came in very handy for the grammar workshop I gave, and was more entertaining than the book it's titled after Eats, Shoots, and Leaves, but only read it if you're a hard core linguistic nut like me. :-P
July 4, 2009
Oh, this is going to be fun. Parody of "Eats, Shoots & Leaves," a grammar book I know many of you out there are familiar with! Well, the many of you who are grammar nerds like me. ;-)
Just finished reading. Hilarious!! The most I have ever laughed out loud while reading. Truly entertaining for teachers/grammarians.
Just finished reading. Hilarious!! The most I have ever laughed out loud while reading. Truly entertaining for teachers/grammarians.
January 7, 2014
When it comes to how the English language can be used, abused, regurgitated and shat upon in the most unforgiveable or inspired ways, this little book covers every base, and is highly entertaining for those of us who_think_we know how to craft a sentence. This book sits on my shelf next to my Collins dictionary.
March 3, 2008
Amusing and more cerebral than you might think. It's hard to sit down and read it though. Really, it's best suited for the occasional flick through.
Oh, and it's very valuable when you want an ironic or witty screen-name.
Oh, and it's very valuable when you want an ironic or witty screen-name.
November 14, 2008
Clever, but it would have been better had I not already seen most of the material in Anguished English and forwarded emails. Still, it was a nice little read and I enjoyed learning about the origins of certain cliches. Took me all of a day to read.
February 15, 2010
If languages were colleges, English would be one of the Ivys.
If languages were Chinese characters, English would be "depression" (鬱).
If learners of English misuse it, smile benevolently down upon them from Mount Olympus. Not everyone can be born among the gods.
If languages were Chinese characters, English would be "depression" (鬱).
If learners of English misuse it, smile benevolently down upon them from Mount Olympus. Not everyone can be born among the gods.
April 3, 2007
This is a fun and info-filled way of getting your daily dose of grammar and punk-tuation. Fun read!
May 28, 2007
Delightfully irreverent. My quibble is that the author(s) don't have any sources to back up their language fun facts, but the playful tone is amusing.
July 16, 2009
very funny..i enjoyed it quite a bit
February 19, 2011
This book is a witty and informative guide to how the English language can be used and misused in the twenty-first century. Hilarious!
May 26, 2012
So funny. And true.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 45 reviews