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Choosing Forgiveness: Moving from Hurt to Hope
It’s time to get your life back. Perhaps you still remember the moment, the time of day, the look in the other person’s eye, when you were deeply hurt by someone you trusted. And since then your life has been put on hold, sabotaged by harbored resentment, dreams of revenge, or perhaps indifference and numbness. Or it may be just the “stuff” of every day life and relationships that has left you with a knot in your stomach and a dull ache in your heart. There are no magic words or secret formulas for forgiveness. But there are biblical principles that can help you break free from bitterness and pain. In Choosing Forgiveness , celebrated teacher Nancy Leigh DeMoss delves into God’s word to uncover the promises and expose the myths of forgiveness. Discover specific strategies for putting God’s grace and mercy into practice, forgiving others as God has forgiven you. No one says it will be easy. But it could save your life. Break choose forgiveness.
256 pages, Paperback
First published April 1, 2006
88 people are currently reading
707 people want to read
About the author
Nancy Leigh DeMoss
127 books445 followersNancy DeMoss Wolgemuth also known as Nancy Leigh DeMoss is the host and teacher for Revive Our Hearts and Seeking Him, two nationally-syndicated programs heard each weekday on over 1,000 radio stations. She is a mentor and spiritual mother to thousands of women and a leader of the True Woman movement.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 64 reviews
March 5, 2013
I'll be pondering this one for a while. Full of truths, to be sure, but also way too many "happily ever after" examples and too few "even if you forgive it doesn't always work out so nice in THIS life" ones. I found Chris Brauns' Unpacking Forgiveness to be a fuller picture of what biblical forgiveness looks like.
October 5, 2012
If you're looking for someone to pat your hand and poo poo you while you simmer in unforgiveness, get a different book. Nancy Leigh Demoss has mastered the balance of grace and hard truth in this book. She gives startling examples from both the Bible and today of people in circumstances that are unbearable and heartbreaking. People who through the grace of God choose forgiveness. These testimonies leave us with little excuse. What The Father did in in forgiving us, leaves us with little excuse. No magic wand promises from Ms. Demoss. No hand patting, but there is enough grace in her writing to know she is willing to hold your hand; to gird in strength, to encourage in love, to minister hope, through the commonality we all share in this not so popular fight.
September 12, 2024
Highly recommend this one - especially if God has put forgiveness on your heart! A lot of really good, practical tips/ wisdom in this area!
September 27, 2022
This is one of those grounding books. It’s easy to be swayed with modern thinking with all of the quotes and memes going around social media. Yet books like these present the truth of God’s Word in a very practical sense, not making excuses for natural, sinful, or human responses.
This asks a lot of hard questions about what forgiveness is, gives some suggestions for signs of unforgiveness, and then goes a step beyond about giving blessings—not just forgiving, but intentionally doing something good for the difficult people.
As I Iistened to the audio book, I was reminded that often we think we’d of course do the right thing and forgive any big, heinous sins against us… but really, it all boils down to forgiving small grievances that gives us practice in forgiveness, regardless the offense. And if we can’t forgive small offenses, we’d definitely not be forgiving the big ones.
It’s a short book and well worth the read.
Here are some quotes:
“Forgiveness releases the offender from my custody into God’s custody.”
“Forgiveness is a promise never to bring that sin up again.”
“Ask God to show you the real need in your offender’s life. Then ask Him how He might want to use you to meet that need.”
“The power of unforgiveness is a power wasted.”
This asks a lot of hard questions about what forgiveness is, gives some suggestions for signs of unforgiveness, and then goes a step beyond about giving blessings—not just forgiving, but intentionally doing something good for the difficult people.
As I Iistened to the audio book, I was reminded that often we think we’d of course do the right thing and forgive any big, heinous sins against us… but really, it all boils down to forgiving small grievances that gives us practice in forgiveness, regardless the offense. And if we can’t forgive small offenses, we’d definitely not be forgiving the big ones.
It’s a short book and well worth the read.
Here are some quotes:
“Forgiveness releases the offender from my custody into God’s custody.”
“Forgiveness is a promise never to bring that sin up again.”
“Ask God to show you the real need in your offender’s life. Then ask Him how He might want to use you to meet that need.”
“The power of unforgiveness is a power wasted.”
September 29, 2025
“Forgiveness is indeed a costly endeavor— it certainly was for Jesus, and it remains so for us.”
I couldn’t recommend this book highly enough in the life of every believer. It is filled with sound theology and coupled with practical wisdom and steps. Additionally, it is so raw. You can tell that Nancy has worked through deep forgiveness of her own.
A few takeaways:
• Forgiveness is a moment in time. If we wait until we are fully restored emotionally, we will likely never forgive.
• Forgiveness and feelings do not always go hand in hand. Feelings, as they resurface, must be continually committed to the Lord. We must keep choosing to release.
• All bitterness is ultimately directed toward God. We choose to forgive others— but we choose to accept and submit to what God has allowed in our life. He can and will use disappointment, heartbreak, and circumstances to fulfill his holy and eternal purposes in our lives.
• Unforgiveness has both a very strong physical and spiritual effect on us.
• Forgiveness in the life of a believer showcases the astounding, redemptive heart of God.
I will likely come back to this book as a continual reference. A must-have for your bookshelf.
I couldn’t recommend this book highly enough in the life of every believer. It is filled with sound theology and coupled with practical wisdom and steps. Additionally, it is so raw. You can tell that Nancy has worked through deep forgiveness of her own.
A few takeaways:
• Forgiveness is a moment in time. If we wait until we are fully restored emotionally, we will likely never forgive.
• Forgiveness and feelings do not always go hand in hand. Feelings, as they resurface, must be continually committed to the Lord. We must keep choosing to release.
• All bitterness is ultimately directed toward God. We choose to forgive others— but we choose to accept and submit to what God has allowed in our life. He can and will use disappointment, heartbreak, and circumstances to fulfill his holy and eternal purposes in our lives.
• Unforgiveness has both a very strong physical and spiritual effect on us.
• Forgiveness in the life of a believer showcases the astounding, redemptive heart of God.
I will likely come back to this book as a continual reference. A must-have for your bookshelf.
March 18, 2015
The best book on forgiveness I've ever read. What a privilege to have it available!
December 3, 2022
Es un estudio profundo sobre el perdón, y como este es un mandato de Dios, y llevarlo a cabo es un milagro del Señor. Si nos decimos cristianos, perdonados por la sangre de Jesús, experimentar el perdón en nuestras vidas, a favor de cada persona que ha pecado contra ti, es la manifestación más excelsa de cristianismo.
Si tienes problemas para perdonar, y te has mantenido en pecado delante de Dios por no perdonar, este libro es para ti. Que Dios te bendiga por leerlo y aplicarlo en tu vida.
Si tienes problemas para perdonar, y te has mantenido en pecado delante de Dios por no perdonar, este libro es para ti. Que Dios te bendiga por leerlo y aplicarlo en tu vida.
July 20, 2017
To forebear means to show restraint, to be patient in the face of provocation, to be longsuffering and willing to put up with people's actions or inactions__to let things go.
Our problem is, we tend to confront the sins we should overlook, and overlook the sins we should confront.
Many tensions and misunderstandings in the workplace would vanish if we would learn to be forbearing with one another.
Our problem is, we tend to confront the sins we should overlook, and overlook the sins we should confront.
Many tensions and misunderstandings in the workplace would vanish if we would learn to be forbearing with one another.
July 24, 2021
Freedom and meaning of forgiveness opening the new depth of love in life. Very valuable book with biblical, psychological and real life examples.
August 1, 2017
One of the best things about DeMoss’ book on forgiveness was the format. That probably sounds strange, but I have trouble reading, so the ample space in between the lines and the boxed off quotes and bullet point lists made this book easy to read and understand. I wish it would be just as easy to apply. DeMoss clearly presented God’s forgiveness and showed me how God’s forgiveness is above and beyond saying, “I forgive you.” God took what we had done to hurt Him (sin) and He made it hurt Him again (sacrificing His Son on the cross). Then, instead of saying, “I forgave you. Now I am done with you,” God choose to have a relationship with me. And not just an “okay-you-know-it’s-different-because-of-what-you-did” relationship – an amazing, life-giving, gift-giving, loving relationship. This behavior is DeMoss’ definition of true forgiveness. When she put forgiveness in those terms, my mind was just blown. I have always been amazed by how God has forgiven me, but it is still a struggle to forgive and restore others in the way He has forgiven and restored me, even in “little” situations. Hopefully, the scriptures and the writing in this book will help me move closer to consistently forgiving like God forgives. In addition, DeMoss presented several good quotes about forgiveness, which I appreciated because I have collected good quotes on themes that I like for several years now. I think that I will add some of the quotes on forgiveness to my quote book. I think the only thing that I did not like about the book was that DeMoss did very little to relate personally to her readers. Maybe she hasn’t struggled with bitterness very much in her life, but I find it a little difficult to digest authors who are constantly writing about “this other person” with whom they talked.
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September 8, 2020Originally I gave this title 3 stars. I am revising my stars to zero.
The reason I am doing so is that since reading this title, several things about my faith journey and expression have changed and I no longer subscribe to evangelical ideologies.
Additionally, DeMoss is a proponent and enabler of patriarchal culture and I just can't respect that.
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This important book on an extremely important topic only gets a 3 star from me because the first five chapters were pretty ho-hum for me. Chapter 5 is where things picked up and got interesting. Nancy Leigh DeMoss is a fantastic teacher and communicator of God's truths. She shares biblical truth that we would all do well to heed. And in this book on forgiveness she shares some really really good truth but it is hard to take.
DeMoss begins at the beginning of forgiveness. She walks the reader through the whys of forgiving and the reasons for forgiving. Then in chapter 5 she begins to, as a good friend says, meddle. She begins to point out that the one who needs to forgive may also need to be forgiven. Meddling. She biblically addresses the "forgiving of self" and "forgiving God" that a lot of believers seem to think they need to do. Meddling. She points out that the way of Jesus is to bless the offender and so should we be blessing the one who has offended us. Meddling.
This is too important of a principle to not seek understanding on. If the act and practice of forgiveness confuses you, frustrates you, rubs you the wrong way, etc then this book is a must read. DeMoss is able to communicate on the reader's level and lead the way to God's truth on forgiveness.
The reason I am doing so is that since reading this title, several things about my faith journey and expression have changed and I no longer subscribe to evangelical ideologies.
Additionally, DeMoss is a proponent and enabler of patriarchal culture and I just can't respect that.
--------------------------------
This important book on an extremely important topic only gets a 3 star from me because the first five chapters were pretty ho-hum for me. Chapter 5 is where things picked up and got interesting. Nancy Leigh DeMoss is a fantastic teacher and communicator of God's truths. She shares biblical truth that we would all do well to heed. And in this book on forgiveness she shares some really really good truth but it is hard to take.
DeMoss begins at the beginning of forgiveness. She walks the reader through the whys of forgiving and the reasons for forgiving. Then in chapter 5 she begins to, as a good friend says, meddle. She begins to point out that the one who needs to forgive may also need to be forgiven. Meddling. She biblically addresses the "forgiving of self" and "forgiving God" that a lot of believers seem to think they need to do. Meddling. She points out that the way of Jesus is to bless the offender and so should we be blessing the one who has offended us. Meddling.
This is too important of a principle to not seek understanding on. If the act and practice of forgiveness confuses you, frustrates you, rubs you the wrong way, etc then this book is a must read. DeMoss is able to communicate on the reader's level and lead the way to God's truth on forgiveness.
November 18, 2025
It's tempting to say, "Don't read this book unless you're ready to forgive," but part of the power of Nancy's rich and practical writing is the conviction that it brings to take steps you may not otherwise feel ready to take. I had to read this book in small doses, working through specific situations and prayerfully evaluating how to respond. It's impossible to live in this sinful, broken world without being hurt, thus the need for a book on forgiveness. I appreciate (and my flesh hates!) that Nancy doesn't shy away from the hard truths of the Bible on the necessity of forgiveness in the life of those who are followers of Christ. At the same time, she realizes that this is no easy task and that the pain and suffering endured is real.
When I finally finished reading the book, I told my husband we could burn it. :-) In all seriousness, though, Choosing Forgiveness is an always-relevant and much-needed reminder of both the whys and hows of forgiveness. I highly recommend it!
When I finally finished reading the book, I told my husband we could burn it. :-) In all seriousness, though, Choosing Forgiveness is an always-relevant and much-needed reminder of both the whys and hows of forgiveness. I highly recommend it!
March 15, 2016
5 Stars*****A quick, easy read but certainly not an easy to apply forgiveness book. Challenging and firming, the author speaks to her reader concerning the balance of grace and hard truth. The truth is always difficult to accept even when we know it is the right thing to do. However, what the Father did in forgiving us, leaves us no choice but to forgive those who wrong us. An excellent book to help one find spiritual strength whether needing to forgive or be forgiven. I suggest reading the book cover to cover, then rereading covering only one chapter a day. "Making It Personal" at the end of each section is an bonus.
November 13, 2013
A good book to put by your bedside ready at the end of the day. I tried reading it one-shot in one afternoon but nothing really went in. Instead, read one or half a chapter in days which could be better, placing a bookmark to remember when you have last stopped, this book could just make your day. The thing good is you dun have to remember what you last read, each chapter can stand on its own. In that light, you can survey the title and consider which chapter best sums up the grievance that is gnawing your soul.
April 17, 2017
I absolutely loved this book! It is so hard for me to forgive the people who have hurt me, and this book helped me come to realize that I need to forgive them. After all, didn't Christ do the same for me, by dying on the cross? Nancy Leigh DeMoss brought Scripture into this book, and gave examples of people who have gone through horrible trials and those stories showed you the power of forgiveness.
December 17, 2008
This gave me much to think/pray about. Nancy is incredibly capable at teaching woman and handling Scripture. The only thing I didn't like was a simplistic view of depression and health issues that were associated with bitterness. In every other way I would always highly recommend her writing and speaking.
August 31, 2011
This book has opened my mind to so many aspect...especially when the Author emphasized that having an unforgiving spirit is like drinking poison wishing that the other person dies but killing ourselves instead...the messages thought me how to led to go and accept things for what it is...had a forgiving spirit is one of the best thing to have
May 4, 2012
A friend recommended this book at a time when I really needed it. No sugar coating here. Just the straight up truth about how forgiveness is essential (not recommended, not suggested) for living a Christian life. It gave me some practical insight about pulling up my big girl panties and doing the hard work of forgiving.
December 15, 2007
Not a light read. DeMoss challenges the reader to plow through the tangled mass of hurts and bitterness of life to find a way toward true forgiveness. A vehicle for change in anyone's life - I heartily recommend this book.
June 13, 2009
my Bible study group will read this this summer, I really am not into deviling into past hurts (don't really have any) so we'll see....
It is an excellent book that looks at every side of forgiveness in a real, practical and extremely godly way.
It is an excellent book that looks at every side of forgiveness in a real, practical and extremely godly way.
September 9, 2008
Hmmmmmmmm I have much to learn
August 10, 2011
What a provoking book. This is something we all need to learn to do and do well. Truly a convicting message on the real meaning of forgiveness.
Want to read
September 8, 2011Need to read this one again.
October 8, 2012
This book gave me a new perspective on forgiveness and has challenged me in so many ways. It is a must read:)
September 24, 2013
Well done- practical, well thought out, and interesting.
April 5, 2016
This is one of those books I think I will be recommending and giving to a lot of people. It's well-organized and a good balance of Scripture, teaching, and real-life stories.
March 24, 2016
A helpful reminder of the importance of forgiveness in our lives
January 27, 2024
Wolgemuth discusses many stories of redemption, showing how various offenses are forgiven and wiped clean by Christ's work in believers' lives. The anecdotes discussed make the book an easy read and serve as a framework for the book. This book is not structured as an exposition on passages surrounding forgiveness.
Here are my takeaways, some of which are verbatim and some of which are paraphrase:
- The sin of a failure to forgive can bring about problems in one's own life that are far worse than the pain of the original offense.
- Hebrews 12:15. Lack of forgiveness is allowing wounds in the past to define one’s future. "As long as we believe that our happiness and well-being are determined by what happens to us, we will always be victims, because so much of what happens to us is beyond our control."
- Colossians 3:13 - forgiveness is not optional and there are no conditions on the requirement to forgive. Wolgemuth likens harboring resentment to “drinking poison and hoping someone else will die.” The “weapon we use to inflict pain on our offender becomes a sword turned inward on ourselves…”
- Forgiven people forgive others, and those that persistently refuse to forgive others have no basis to claim to have been forgiven by God. Failure to forgive inhibits our relationship with God, and, on the contrary, mercy is promised to the merciful (Matt 5:7).
- Satan should not be allowed to gain advantage in our lives (2 Cor 2:11). We are to consider Christ’s sufferings, humiliations, and betrayal (at our own hands!) and to draw near to his throne (Hebrews 4:16). Side note opinion - I think that she could have elaborated more on Christ's experience on earth.
- Forgiveness is a promise to recall not the offense verbally, which would put the offender in a debtor's prison of our own making. We are not to punish but to pray. God never will again accuse us of our sins if we are in Christ.
- Wolgemuth warns against simply praying that God will help us to forgive, while not doing the actual action of forgiving. God has granted us all we need to forgive. That being said, Wolgemuth dispels the myth that forgiving someone equates to having warm feelings toward the offender, as feelings can go beyond our control to some extent.
- If we wait till full healing has occurred to forgive, we likely will never forgive. We are called to choose forgiveness, which will then allow for healing. God is on the throne. Philippians 4:7 - the peace of God guards our heart (emotions/feelings) and our mind (thoughts/decisions).
- Quote from Thomas Watson: “When do we forgive others? When we strive against all thoughts of revenge, when we will not do our enemies mischief, but wish well to them, grieve at their calamities, pray for them, seek reconciliation with them, and show ourselves ready on all occasions to relieve them. This is gospel-forgiving.”
- We are called to trust God even when we do not understand or see (Isaiah 26:3), and believe his promise that he is working in us to purify us. God will use this suffering in that we will be able to comfort others in their affliction.
- Forgiveness is more than a way to find personal freedom but it is for the purpose of bringing honor to the Lord, and it draws attention to him and not to us.
Here are my takeaways, some of which are verbatim and some of which are paraphrase:
- The sin of a failure to forgive can bring about problems in one's own life that are far worse than the pain of the original offense.
- Hebrews 12:15. Lack of forgiveness is allowing wounds in the past to define one’s future. "As long as we believe that our happiness and well-being are determined by what happens to us, we will always be victims, because so much of what happens to us is beyond our control."
- Colossians 3:13 - forgiveness is not optional and there are no conditions on the requirement to forgive. Wolgemuth likens harboring resentment to “drinking poison and hoping someone else will die.” The “weapon we use to inflict pain on our offender becomes a sword turned inward on ourselves…”
- Forgiven people forgive others, and those that persistently refuse to forgive others have no basis to claim to have been forgiven by God. Failure to forgive inhibits our relationship with God, and, on the contrary, mercy is promised to the merciful (Matt 5:7).
- Satan should not be allowed to gain advantage in our lives (2 Cor 2:11). We are to consider Christ’s sufferings, humiliations, and betrayal (at our own hands!) and to draw near to his throne (Hebrews 4:16). Side note opinion - I think that she could have elaborated more on Christ's experience on earth.
- Forgiveness is a promise to recall not the offense verbally, which would put the offender in a debtor's prison of our own making. We are not to punish but to pray. God never will again accuse us of our sins if we are in Christ.
- Wolgemuth warns against simply praying that God will help us to forgive, while not doing the actual action of forgiving. God has granted us all we need to forgive. That being said, Wolgemuth dispels the myth that forgiving someone equates to having warm feelings toward the offender, as feelings can go beyond our control to some extent.
- If we wait till full healing has occurred to forgive, we likely will never forgive. We are called to choose forgiveness, which will then allow for healing. God is on the throne. Philippians 4:7 - the peace of God guards our heart (emotions/feelings) and our mind (thoughts/decisions).
- Quote from Thomas Watson: “When do we forgive others? When we strive against all thoughts of revenge, when we will not do our enemies mischief, but wish well to them, grieve at their calamities, pray for them, seek reconciliation with them, and show ourselves ready on all occasions to relieve them. This is gospel-forgiving.”
- We are called to trust God even when we do not understand or see (Isaiah 26:3), and believe his promise that he is working in us to purify us. God will use this suffering in that we will be able to comfort others in their affliction.
- Forgiveness is more than a way to find personal freedom but it is for the purpose of bringing honor to the Lord, and it draws attention to him and not to us.
February 24, 2021
Forgive is a difficult word in our culture today. When we are offended, it is our nature tendency to become anger and bitter, wanting vengeance toward those that hurt us. We desire for those that hurt us to get their comeuppance. All the while, we often in this process take on the tracts that we hate in the person that hurt us and push us further and further from the Lord and the life He has planned for us. Although we want for them to pay for what they did, we are the ones that are held prisoners by our own anger and bitterness. When we are told we need to forgive, so many of us can’t even comprehend it, let alone take the necessary steps to forgive them. It makes us ask the question: How do I learn to forgive those that have hurt me when I have been so deeply hurt?
In her book, Choosing Forgiveness, Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth [published under her maiden name, Nancy Leigh DeMoss] helps her readers break free from the pain and bitterness from those that hurt us by revealing that forgiveness is a choice, not a feeling. After helping her audience to see the consequences when we don’t forgive, Nancy walks us through the many facets of forgiveness through the lens of God’s Word, helping us to see what forgiveness is and what it isn’t. We are reminded that there is no magic words or secret formula to make it easy or automatic, but there are biblical principles that will allow us to find freedom and healing from the pain that comes from bitterness. Through examples in Scriptures as well as illustrations of real life people who experienced the healing power of forgiveness, you will be encouraged, challenged, and inspired to break the chains of holding on to anger or resentment. This book is powerful from cover to cover, theologically packed with truth, and a tool that every Christian should have in their library.
In her book, Choosing Forgiveness, Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth [published under her maiden name, Nancy Leigh DeMoss] helps her readers break free from the pain and bitterness from those that hurt us by revealing that forgiveness is a choice, not a feeling. After helping her audience to see the consequences when we don’t forgive, Nancy walks us through the many facets of forgiveness through the lens of God’s Word, helping us to see what forgiveness is and what it isn’t. We are reminded that there is no magic words or secret formula to make it easy or automatic, but there are biblical principles that will allow us to find freedom and healing from the pain that comes from bitterness. Through examples in Scriptures as well as illustrations of real life people who experienced the healing power of forgiveness, you will be encouraged, challenged, and inspired to break the chains of holding on to anger or resentment. This book is powerful from cover to cover, theologically packed with truth, and a tool that every Christian should have in their library.
July 8, 2022
A very honest look at what forgiveness is, what it isn't. Unforgiveness is a poison that pushes people away and may cause generational, sinful responses. It blocks God's grace and love for the person unable to forgive as well as those around them. Joseph was wronged repeatedly, but chose to forgive knowing that God used those events for his good.
The author makes it clear though, that only God can forgive. We need to receive His forgiveness and grace in order to forgive others. We must choose to obey God and commit to forgiving our offenders.
But the author doesn't overlook the challenges of forgiveness. She covers problems, myths, and gives many anecdotal examples of how to handle pain and forgive. Start small and practice forgiveness before applying it to bigger circumstances. Forgive in order to bless. Overcome evil with good. Break the sinful patterns in your life by praying for your offenders and loving your enemies.
The author makes it clear though, that only God can forgive. We need to receive His forgiveness and grace in order to forgive others. We must choose to obey God and commit to forgiving our offenders.
But the author doesn't overlook the challenges of forgiveness. She covers problems, myths, and gives many anecdotal examples of how to handle pain and forgive. Start small and practice forgiveness before applying it to bigger circumstances. Forgive in order to bless. Overcome evil with good. Break the sinful patterns in your life by praying for your offenders and loving your enemies.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 64 reviews