Unconditional Love: A Guide to Navigating the Joys and Challenges of Being a Grandparent Today – A Relationships Expert on Multigenerational Family Psychology, Healing, and Trust

by Jane Isay

A beautiful meditation on the joys of being a grandparent and a practical guide to help you and your adult children make the most of your relationship with a grandchild.

For many grandparents, a grandchild offers a second chance to become the parent they didn’t have the time or the energy to be when raising their own children. Being a grandparent, family relationships expert Jane Isay argues, is the opportunity to turn missed opportunities into delight.

Drawing on her personal experience, dozens of interviews, and the latest findings in psychology, Isay shows how a grandparent can use his or her unique perspective and experience to create a deep and lasting bond that will echo throughout a grandchild’s life. She explores the realities of today’s multigenerational families, identifying problems and offering solutions to enhance love, trust, and understanding between grandparents, parents, and grandchildren. She also offers a wealth of practical advice, from when to get involved, when to stay away, and how to foster a strong relationship when you’re separated by long distance.

Unconditional Love advocates for honest conversation, thinking in the long run and healing breaches in order to be together, understanding that most of us try to do our best and need to be forgiven if we fail. Isay argues that secrets and surprises may tilt the boat but won’t necessarily sink it and that grandparents and their grown children are happier when they give each other the benefit of the doubt. Most importantly, she writes, the advent of grandchildren offers families the opportunity for healing and redemption—if we seize the moment. In lovely prose and through delightful stories, Isay shows us how we can.

A great gift for grandparents-to-be and a wonderful resource for all, Unconditional Love is a beautiful and psychologically astute look at what it means to be an engaged grandparent.

Genres: Nonfiction

245 pages, Kindle Edition

Published March 6, 2018

About the author

Over the last 12 years, I have written 4 books. March 2018 marked the publication of my fourth book, Unconditional Love: A Guide to Navigating the Joys and Challenges of Being a Grandparent Today.
My previous book, Secrets and Lies: Surviving the Truths that Change our Lives, was published in January 2014. It follows my first book, Walking on Eggshells: Navigating the Delicate Relationship between Adult Children and Parents, which came out in 2007. Mom Still Likes You Best: The Unfinished Business Between Siblings followed in 2010.

For over 40 years I was a book editor and publishing executive, specializing in psychology but including other subjects. I edited such classics as Reviving Ophelia, The Drama of the Gifted Child, Friday Night Lights, Odd Girl Out. Praying for Sheetrock and Woe Is I.

Reviews

[Roger Smitter · Rating 2 out of 5]

This warm and often fuzzy read has some value for those of us who are pleased to see our grandchildren growing up. There are plenty of warm passages in the book about the joys we grandparents can enjoy.

Near the end of the book, the author claims that more grandparents are living to see their grandchildren become adults. I’ll buy that claim—and I’m thankful.

The problem with the book is that it speaks to a small slice of the population. The book is grounded in the 1950’s image of families. Isay gives us lots of warm and cuddly examples of traditional families. The book doesn’t speak to the majority of families.

[WritingReadingSoul · Rating 2 out of 5]

2.75 I grabbed this book from my local library hoping that it would offer some advice that was more than common sense; however, I was disappointed. Usually when I'm 50 pages in and a book doesn't have me craving for more, I revive my thought and practice that life is too short to read anything less than a 4-star book. I finished this one, however, hoping that every turn of the page would redeem its promise of offering readers "the deepest and most universal wisdom, . . . and moral imaginations . . ." Unfortunately, I cannot offer unconditional love to this "guide."

[Eileen Sullivan · Rating 4 out of 5]

I know you don't need a book to tell you how to be a caring grandparent but this book caught my eye in the new non fiction area of the library. (I love to browse that section as I read a fiction book then a non fiction book and the library is a great place!) The author intrerviwed grandparents and cited psychology and other relevant research as well. There are stories about the different types of grandparents and I especially liked the practical tips to develop an honest and loving relationship with the grandchildren and parents as well. Love and trust and an understanding of everyone's role shines through. Well done Jane Isay.

[Sue · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book, a gift, was perfectly timed as I entered the wonderful state of grannyhood just over a month ago. Jane Isay offers a commonsense guide to both the pitfalls and joys of this role at all stages of one's grandchildren's lives. On every page anecdotes illustrate both the cautions and successes. I'm not sure there's been a book like this before, but it was most welcome at my bedside. I have much to look forward to! I particularly liked Isay's easy conversational style and non-preachy tone.

[Linda Dunn · Rating 5 out of 5]

Unconditional Love is thought provoking for parents, grandparents, and hopeful grandparents like myself. This book deals with the conflicts of family life once grandchildren enter the picture. Unconditional Love is an excellent resource for navigating relationships and how they change.

[Anne · Rating 3 out of 5]

Mildly helpful. As with many such books the chapters consist of strings of anecdotes, some of which are revelatory depending on your situation. I can't say that I learned anything that was earth-shaking.

[Patti · Rating 4 out of 5]

Insightful read for Grama.

[Kathy Holmes · Rating 4 out of 5]

So it is easy to listen to and perhaps a necessary read for people who are struggling with grandparenting or are anxious about grandparenting. Perhaps you have a difficult relationship with your children and/or their spouses. Perhaps you struggled as a parent. Maybe difficult is the wrong word. Maybe the word is awkward or uncomfortable or strained. Maybe you live far away and that creates a gap in your relationship. I think I have a great relationship with my son/daughter-in-law. I can visit when I want. I have helped when subsequent children have been born, first weeks of daycare, unpacking for three moves, babysitting and even overnight when the children are struggling to sleep. Therefore I started this book hoping to learn something that would help me continue to foster a strong relationship with this daughter-in-law and future spouses. Even great relationships evolve and sometimes hit bumps in the road. I don’t feel like I learned anything, but it cemented the practical knowledge that I am applying. So for me it was a three, but for others it could be a great source of information which is why I gave it a 4.

[Lynette Hart · Rating 4 out of 5]

With the arrival of my first grandbaby, I have been searching for knowledge and advice on how I can best nurture my grandbaby and create an environment that will foster learning, security and, of course, fun. This book provided some good examples of the different types of relationships between grandparent and grandchildren and the value that each brings as well as ideas for those who don't leave near their grandchidlren but still want to be involved. The establishment of boundaries and knowing your place as a grandparent is an important reminder and the author provides lots of examples of how this can seriously damage a grandparents access to their grandchildren. I found the chapter on finances very valuable and probably a good read for every grandparent.

[Giselle Ates · Rating 3 out of 5]

While well written and containing some sound advice, my husband and I were disappointed with a few inconsistencies and the focus on wealthy grandparents. The inconsistencies were about being honest with parents and adhering to their rules and wishes.

[Leslie Balkany · Rating 2 out of 5]

Maybe it’s just because I’ve been there and done that, that I didn’t think this book had much to offer

[Susan Welscheid · Rating 4 out of 5]

As a granny of three I found this book invaluable. Buy it before the first grandchild comes along.

[Susan · Rating 2 out of 5]

Very nicely written but no revelations and it felt a bit pretentious. I ended up skimming so hope I didn’t miss a hidden gem of a tip.

[Dan Ream · Rating 4 out of 5]

Reading this in anticipation of our first grandchild in a few months. Thoughtful and well-written introduction to grand parenting.