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Polyamorous: Living and Loving More
A look at how people are giving themselves a choice to love another way.
“The heart is not like a box that gets filled up, but expands in size the more you love.”
Enlightened words you wouldn’t expect to hear from the computer in the movie Her, but it also rings true for humans. More people than ever are exploring the possibility of opening up their relationships — and not only that, they are fighting for their legal rights to love however and whomever they choose.
In Polyamorous, reporter Jenny Yuen digs into why open relationships are such a hot topic, why they’re becoming more normalized, and how relationships with multiple partners can be a practical alternative to monogamy and an intriguing expedition through uncharted emotional territory. Couples are clearing a path for “throuples,” “quads,” and “relationship anarchists” who navigate through jealousy and reach a place of “compersion” — feeling joy because your partner feels joy with another — as pairing off is no longer the default option for many. For some, polyamory is just a part of who they are.
Poly is love. Infinite.
“The heart is not like a box that gets filled up, but expands in size the more you love.”
Enlightened words you wouldn’t expect to hear from the computer in the movie Her, but it also rings true for humans. More people than ever are exploring the possibility of opening up their relationships — and not only that, they are fighting for their legal rights to love however and whomever they choose.
In Polyamorous, reporter Jenny Yuen digs into why open relationships are such a hot topic, why they’re becoming more normalized, and how relationships with multiple partners can be a practical alternative to monogamy and an intriguing expedition through uncharted emotional territory. Couples are clearing a path for “throuples,” “quads,” and “relationship anarchists” who navigate through jealousy and reach a place of “compersion” — feeling joy because your partner feels joy with another — as pairing off is no longer the default option for many. For some, polyamory is just a part of who they are.
Poly is love. Infinite.
320 pages, Paperback
First published November 17, 2018
16 people are currently reading
236 people want to read
About the author
Jenny Yuen
2 books12 followersJenny Yuen is an award-winning news reporter, who covers a wide variety of local, provincial and national stories, and has written for the Toronto Sun, Now Magazine, and CBC Radio. She is a proud poly partner. She lives in Toronto with her family.
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Displaying 1 - 27 of 27 reviews
October 27, 2018
From the point of view of my incredibly limited (read: inexistent) knowledge about polyamory, this was a very interesting and informative read. It explains some of the histories and sociological mechanisms behind polyamory, and that the reason of it not being practiced up to basically, well, NOW, lies in the fact that throughout history, men were often allowed to have multiple partners (whether legally or not), and women almost never were. As that is now changing, as well as the understanding of sexuality, polyamory is slowly becoming more accepted and a way that works for some people better than monogamy would.
The book clears up a lot about how polyamorous relationships can work (because it seems there is a lot of variety and creativity in how a lot of these relationships function.) It also addresses the misconceptions of how most people will think that polyamory is only about cheating or sleeping around. For most people who practice it, it's simply a solution or a way to live, and being polyamorous means you are transparent - as in, it's the monogamous people who cheat, because in poly, the need to hide anything is eliminated. Polyamorous people don't need to lie because that's not how those relationships are built, and that's an important thing traditional societies need to understand. As the book says, polyamory is the antithesis to hooking up because it promotes transparency. And that nearly everyone's definition of poly is different, and the only way to work it out is to talk. It's a myth that there are no rules - the rules have to be carefully worked out if the relationship is going to work.
It also talks about the challenges PoC face in the poly world - if you're PoC, especially a woman, the polyamorous landscape might be decidedly more dangerous than for anyone else because of how fetishized PoC are and how white privileged people tend to dominate the poly communities. And not only that - since the media tends to whitewash everything, relationships not excluded, there is not a lot of representation, and when there is, it's usually got negative undertones, where it wouldn't with white folks in the picture (I mean, if you disregard the already existent negative undertones that the concept of poly usually gets in media.)
Must also mention, that this book mostly talks about poly communities in Canada.
Another thing... I want to clear up one misunderstanding another reviewer on Goodreads points out. Another review here states that they thought the book said that "watching pornography or having a celebrity crush" constituted polyamory and they felt indignated about this - I feel like they misread that, because the book clearly says that about some people's interpretation of infidelity, full stop. The quote says that according to a 2015 study, most people will have experienced some sort of infidelity - and the part about porn or the crush is directly quoted from there. Nowhere is polyamory mentioned - this is just a statistic about how people interpret infidelity. So I just wanted to clear this up, because I feel like it's unfair to misquote a book and perhaps offend some people or convince them to not read it because it was misquoted.
I thank the publisher for a free review copy. This has not affected my honest opinion or review.
The book clears up a lot about how polyamorous relationships can work (because it seems there is a lot of variety and creativity in how a lot of these relationships function.) It also addresses the misconceptions of how most people will think that polyamory is only about cheating or sleeping around. For most people who practice it, it's simply a solution or a way to live, and being polyamorous means you are transparent - as in, it's the monogamous people who cheat, because in poly, the need to hide anything is eliminated. Polyamorous people don't need to lie because that's not how those relationships are built, and that's an important thing traditional societies need to understand. As the book says, polyamory is the antithesis to hooking up because it promotes transparency. And that nearly everyone's definition of poly is different, and the only way to work it out is to talk. It's a myth that there are no rules - the rules have to be carefully worked out if the relationship is going to work.
It also talks about the challenges PoC face in the poly world - if you're PoC, especially a woman, the polyamorous landscape might be decidedly more dangerous than for anyone else because of how fetishized PoC are and how white privileged people tend to dominate the poly communities. And not only that - since the media tends to whitewash everything, relationships not excluded, there is not a lot of representation, and when there is, it's usually got negative undertones, where it wouldn't with white folks in the picture (I mean, if you disregard the already existent negative undertones that the concept of poly usually gets in media.)
Must also mention, that this book mostly talks about poly communities in Canada.
Another thing... I want to clear up one misunderstanding another reviewer on Goodreads points out. Another review here states that they thought the book said that "watching pornography or having a celebrity crush" constituted polyamory and they felt indignated about this - I feel like they misread that, because the book clearly says that about some people's interpretation of infidelity, full stop. The quote says that according to a 2015 study, most people will have experienced some sort of infidelity - and the part about porn or the crush is directly quoted from there. Nowhere is polyamory mentioned - this is just a statistic about how people interpret infidelity. So I just wanted to clear this up, because I feel like it's unfair to misquote a book and perhaps offend some people or convince them to not read it because it was misquoted.
I thank the publisher for a free review copy. This has not affected my honest opinion or review.
September 20, 2018
4 stars. An interesting and informative look at polyamory's history as well as the circumstances surrounding modern polyamorous people (mainly those in Canada). Full review to come.
October 15, 2018
Everything anyone could possibly want to know about non-monogamous relationships. I didn't realize that for some people watching pornography or having a celebrity crush constitutes poly activity or infidelity! None of this appeals to me personally at this juncture of my traditionally monogamous life, but when at times I felt at all uncomfortable with a perceived proselytizing vibe I had to stop and realize how unimaginably enraged I would feel if I were poly, or bi, or LGBT, or any other minority this book raises consciousness about.
I found many individual stories about policubes and multi-love interesting, and can totally understand how uncomplicated some of these situations might actually be, and how beneficial the increased support would be with caregiving and childrearing, etc. Journalist author Jenny Yuen makes me wonder if there is a correlation between polyamorism and exhibitionism, she certainly is very open as are many subjects of the stories she presents here.
I found many individual stories about policubes and multi-love interesting, and can totally understand how uncomplicated some of these situations might actually be, and how beneficial the increased support would be with caregiving and childrearing, etc. Journalist author Jenny Yuen makes me wonder if there is a correlation between polyamorism and exhibitionism, she certainly is very open as are many subjects of the stories she presents here.
February 15, 2019
A really great, accessible read. I found this book to be the perfect balance between the author's honest experience, other people's experiences via interviews and fact/news/research based information.
My only critique is as a person based in the UK I found the focus on Canada fascinating but a little difficult to apply to my country. I would urge this author and the publisher to fund the authors exploration into other countries as I'd love to see their writing on that.
My only critique is as a person based in the UK I found the focus on Canada fascinating but a little difficult to apply to my country. I would urge this author and the publisher to fund the authors exploration into other countries as I'd love to see their writing on that.
December 14, 2018
Yuen's book is woven by her own personal polyamorous family life, and thankfully focuses solely on a Canadian perspective. Knowing a small number of polyfolk, and knowing anecdotally of a few more, this cross-Canada exposé on the different ways in which polyamory exists in a present day, Canadian context has been illuminating. Yuen hits all the right marks in terms of interviewing polyamorous individuals and groups and families across the country (including a sordid tale from the territories, towards the end of the book). She also includes a number of segments on Canadian laws, media representation, and parenting. As a journalist (and perhaps because of her own poly status), Yuen provides a great many number of further resources for readers, including studies, further literature, as well as online and in-person support groups. Recommended reading for any Canadian who is interested in the varied and disperse reality of polyamory in this country, and the ways in which people come to, embrace, and live with polyamory.
December 13, 2024
Jenny Yuen provides a personal yet informative exploration of polyamory. The book shines when it highlights diverse real-life stories and challenges the stigma surrounding non-monogamous relationships. However, at times, it feels like it lacks depth in addressing the complexities of emotions and dynamics involved in polyamorous lifestyles. It’s a great introduction for those curious about the topic but might leave seasoned readers seeking more nuance. Overall, a solid starting point for anyone exploring alternative relationship structures.
January 14, 2022
To see more reviews check out MI Book Reviews.
I got an ARC of this book.
I have read a few poly books, been openly poly for a decade now, and sexuality has always been a focus of my research. So I would say I am at least mildly versed in poly knowledge. That being said, I still learned from this book and I am incredibly thankful for the author for writing it.
The book alternates between interviews with people who are actually poly and living in different relationship formations and engaging in different relationship styles, which usually would be a big miss for me. Yuen handled the interviews well and told a story, instead of it being question and answers. The interviews were short and would raise awareness of difficulties faced in the relationships from internal (issues with the people in them, feelings) and external factors (families, location, the community itself). There was a great section on how the poly community is not perfect. There was a big highlight on race and the issue of unicorn hunters. It was fantastic to see a book actually acknowledge the issues I have seen in the community.
There was even the two sides of unicorn hunting brought up, but I wish there was more on it. I run an online queer trans poly group and the biggest thing is the male identified person always posting for the couple asking for a female to join them. It really irritates me and they tend to leave the group really quickly when they realize that the queer and/or trans people in the group aren’t into that. That they want a totally different style. It just irritates me that unicorn hunting is seen as the go to and that the one penis policy is alive and well even in the queer community.
I did have issues with some of the writing, some of it being the message and some of it being my personal issues. One of my biggest issues is that every single interview that mentions veto power/boundaries and throughout the book whenever veto power/boundaries was brought up the idea was it was bad and horrible to limit your partner at all. It became a small theme that any limits on your partner at all were bad and should never be there in the first place. All of my relationships have had limits and had a veto power. That is perfectly fine if that is what the people involved need to feel secure and love. The way Veto power works in my relationships is a way for my partners to quickly differentiate between personal feelings about someone else and a serious red flag. They can veto someone, but it requires a great deal of talking about the issues. There has to be a legitimate reason such as “they punched you in the face without your consent” to the veto power to actually be used. It is just a way for my partners concerns to get that “high importance” label super quick and it is for the actual safety of me when it is used. People can’t be vetoed because of personal issues or bad feelings, those have to be worked through and talked about. Yet, veto power has gotten this bad rap of being super limiting and making everything terrible. So has having any boundaries at all. Boundaries are healthy. They are necessary, but they are also ever changing. Boundaries and rules I needed at a beginning of a relationship aren’t what I am currently needing. Rules I needed with one partner, I don’t need with another. Boundaries are healthy. One partner I had thought it was a good idea for him to meet a couple offline at their house for their very first meeting, despite the couple sending off wild red flags. Him and I had a vetting rule put in place after that, considering the outcome that was a needed boundary and rule for us to have for his safety and healing. My current partner doesn’t have that need, so that rule isn’t in place. Yet the book makes all rules and boundaries sound awful repeatedly. That is not the case. Let me say it again: boundaries are healthy.
Another big issue I had was the need to bring up Dan Savage like he was an expert. He is far from an expert. I am far from an expert, but I refuse to have him speak for any community I am part of.
So this book is a great book to read, but it is not perfect. The book has a huge amount of resources for people. I highly recommend it with one caveat: boundaries are healthy, you just have to be upfront about those boundaries and why they are there. Have that conversation. Keep having that conversation because boundaries change all the time.
I got an ARC of this book.
I have read a few poly books, been openly poly for a decade now, and sexuality has always been a focus of my research. So I would say I am at least mildly versed in poly knowledge. That being said, I still learned from this book and I am incredibly thankful for the author for writing it.
The book alternates between interviews with people who are actually poly and living in different relationship formations and engaging in different relationship styles, which usually would be a big miss for me. Yuen handled the interviews well and told a story, instead of it being question and answers. The interviews were short and would raise awareness of difficulties faced in the relationships from internal (issues with the people in them, feelings) and external factors (families, location, the community itself). There was a great section on how the poly community is not perfect. There was a big highlight on race and the issue of unicorn hunters. It was fantastic to see a book actually acknowledge the issues I have seen in the community.
There was even the two sides of unicorn hunting brought up, but I wish there was more on it. I run an online queer trans poly group and the biggest thing is the male identified person always posting for the couple asking for a female to join them. It really irritates me and they tend to leave the group really quickly when they realize that the queer and/or trans people in the group aren’t into that. That they want a totally different style. It just irritates me that unicorn hunting is seen as the go to and that the one penis policy is alive and well even in the queer community.
I did have issues with some of the writing, some of it being the message and some of it being my personal issues. One of my biggest issues is that every single interview that mentions veto power/boundaries and throughout the book whenever veto power/boundaries was brought up the idea was it was bad and horrible to limit your partner at all. It became a small theme that any limits on your partner at all were bad and should never be there in the first place. All of my relationships have had limits and had a veto power. That is perfectly fine if that is what the people involved need to feel secure and love. The way Veto power works in my relationships is a way for my partners to quickly differentiate between personal feelings about someone else and a serious red flag. They can veto someone, but it requires a great deal of talking about the issues. There has to be a legitimate reason such as “they punched you in the face without your consent” to the veto power to actually be used. It is just a way for my partners concerns to get that “high importance” label super quick and it is for the actual safety of me when it is used. People can’t be vetoed because of personal issues or bad feelings, those have to be worked through and talked about. Yet, veto power has gotten this bad rap of being super limiting and making everything terrible. So has having any boundaries at all. Boundaries are healthy. They are necessary, but they are also ever changing. Boundaries and rules I needed at a beginning of a relationship aren’t what I am currently needing. Rules I needed with one partner, I don’t need with another. Boundaries are healthy. One partner I had thought it was a good idea for him to meet a couple offline at their house for their very first meeting, despite the couple sending off wild red flags. Him and I had a vetting rule put in place after that, considering the outcome that was a needed boundary and rule for us to have for his safety and healing. My current partner doesn’t have that need, so that rule isn’t in place. Yet the book makes all rules and boundaries sound awful repeatedly. That is not the case. Let me say it again: boundaries are healthy.
Another big issue I had was the need to bring up Dan Savage like he was an expert. He is far from an expert. I am far from an expert, but I refuse to have him speak for any community I am part of.
So this book is a great book to read, but it is not perfect. The book has a huge amount of resources for people. I highly recommend it with one caveat: boundaries are healthy, you just have to be upfront about those boundaries and why they are there. Have that conversation. Keep having that conversation because boundaries change all the time.
December 12, 2018
The book Polyamorous by Jenny Yuen is a book written by a journalist who lives with her two male partners. She explores the many faces of the lifestyle along with how it can work for some and how it does not work with people who thought it would work. She goes over topics to give the relationship the best chance of succeeding .
The topic of Polyamory is not a topic that I have a lot of knowledge about and I picked the book because I was curious . The book is very informative and gives many examples of the different types of polyamory and the people who are living this lifestyle.
The beginning of the book was the most enjoyable for me , she explains about her experience with a monogamous relationship and her decision to "cheat". In the end both relationships ended . Soon after she began to explore the possibility of a polyamorous relationship with two men who have a relationship with her but not with each other . This was a great part of book for me , I loved reading about her relationships and the ups, downs, pitfalls. and her family and friends and their reactions to her new family dynamics.
The next part is a brief history of Polyamory and how it looked in the past and how it is manifests today. Very informative and kept my interest. She also went over the difference between Polygamy and Polyamory and the differences are immense .
The last part of the book is full of interviews of real relationships , she explores different structures, legal rights, raising children , boundaries, jealousy , etc. This part of the book began to get bogged down with more and more case studies . The book started to feel like a text book and while the first few were interesting as more and more were covered it became difficult to stay interested.
This would be a great book for those interested in pursuing the lifestyle or for those that care for someone already living the Polyamorous Life.
*****This ebook was provided by Netgalley for an honest review*****
The topic of Polyamory is not a topic that I have a lot of knowledge about and I picked the book because I was curious . The book is very informative and gives many examples of the different types of polyamory and the people who are living this lifestyle.
The beginning of the book was the most enjoyable for me , she explains about her experience with a monogamous relationship and her decision to "cheat". In the end both relationships ended . Soon after she began to explore the possibility of a polyamorous relationship with two men who have a relationship with her but not with each other . This was a great part of book for me , I loved reading about her relationships and the ups, downs, pitfalls. and her family and friends and their reactions to her new family dynamics.
The next part is a brief history of Polyamory and how it looked in the past and how it is manifests today. Very informative and kept my interest. She also went over the difference between Polygamy and Polyamory and the differences are immense .
The last part of the book is full of interviews of real relationships , she explores different structures, legal rights, raising children , boundaries, jealousy , etc. This part of the book began to get bogged down with more and more case studies . The book started to feel like a text book and while the first few were interesting as more and more were covered it became difficult to stay interested.
This would be a great book for those interested in pursuing the lifestyle or for those that care for someone already living the Polyamorous Life.
*****This ebook was provided by Netgalley for an honest review*****
December 18, 2018
DNF
Polyamory is multiple romantic relationships with everyone’s knowledge and consent. It’s not an excuse to cheat. The author states she is not an expert on polyamory not the face of polyamory. Jenny- the author goes on to talk about her two relationships in her life> Adam who was thirty years older than she was, and Charlie who she wants to start a family with. Than there is the story of Cornelia Foss, Polyamory earliest roots were from the late 1840s to 1870s. It can be traced back to upstate New York in Oneida to a commune that practiced “complex marriage.” in Oneida the three hundred people who lived there were all considered to be married to one another. In the 1970s the second wave of polyamory evolved as a direct result of the sesxual revolution and intertwined with the bisexial and free love movements. The third wave of polyamory was thanks to the internet. The web helped sexual non-conformists to connect. In 2009 Newsweek speculated whether polyamory was the next sexual revolution. Polyamory is often incorrectly lumped with polygamy- where it’s usually a man who has many wives under his control. In 2018 enter enter Polyamory in your facebook search bar and the results reveal hundreds of groups around the world.
I tried I couldn’t even get into this book. Maybe because it is written by someone in canada so a lot of it has to do with the Canadian polygroups I don't know the US is bought in a lot. I even type in polyamory as was mentioned here and there are a lot of groups so did at least rouse my curiosity even at least one here in Columbus Ohio but otherwise this was just too dry for me. Not sure what I expected but this wasn’t it. My fault not the authors. I wouldn’t have scored it if I didn’t have to. I couldn’t keep my interest going. This just wasn’t for me. I am sure there are others who will really enjoy this book.
Polyamory is multiple romantic relationships with everyone’s knowledge and consent. It’s not an excuse to cheat. The author states she is not an expert on polyamory not the face of polyamory. Jenny- the author goes on to talk about her two relationships in her life> Adam who was thirty years older than she was, and Charlie who she wants to start a family with. Than there is the story of Cornelia Foss, Polyamory earliest roots were from the late 1840s to 1870s. It can be traced back to upstate New York in Oneida to a commune that practiced “complex marriage.” in Oneida the three hundred people who lived there were all considered to be married to one another. In the 1970s the second wave of polyamory evolved as a direct result of the sesxual revolution and intertwined with the bisexial and free love movements. The third wave of polyamory was thanks to the internet. The web helped sexual non-conformists to connect. In 2009 Newsweek speculated whether polyamory was the next sexual revolution. Polyamory is often incorrectly lumped with polygamy- where it’s usually a man who has many wives under his control. In 2018 enter enter Polyamory in your facebook search bar and the results reveal hundreds of groups around the world.
I tried I couldn’t even get into this book. Maybe because it is written by someone in canada so a lot of it has to do with the Canadian polygroups I don't know the US is bought in a lot. I even type in polyamory as was mentioned here and there are a lot of groups so did at least rouse my curiosity even at least one here in Columbus Ohio but otherwise this was just too dry for me. Not sure what I expected but this wasn’t it. My fault not the authors. I wouldn’t have scored it if I didn’t have to. I couldn’t keep my interest going. This just wasn’t for me. I am sure there are others who will really enjoy this book.
November 23, 2018
This review first appeared on the blog Ally's Appraisals: https://wp.me/p37L0Q-15d
Polyamorous: Living and Loving More is an in depth exploration of polyamory and all the issues that can surround these relationships. Jenny Yuen makes this topic real through her honest discussion of real relationships and real people.
Polyamorous provides a very localised look at polyamory within Canada and often times provides very detailed social and historical context about the country. Despite being Australian and having very little understanding of the larger issues at play within Canada, I nonetheless found this local focus very grounding.
For me, a by-product of focusing on the one country, was that Polyamorous was very welcoming in its exploration of polyamory. That is, it demonstrates the prevalence of these little discussed relationships within one country. It discusses and tells the stories of people we wouldn't necessarily read about. It welcomes and in its almost clinical discussion, shows that no one is alone - polyamorous relationships exist and they are all incredibly varied and different.
The actual content of the books focuses on many different aspects of polyamory. Topics such as jealousy, relationships structures, legal rights, and media perceptions are all covered within the book. Often chapters will focus on one or two examples or case studies of real people, as these issues are discussed and personal insights are offered. The inclusion of actual quotes and insights from people makes the chapters very nuanced, with each striving to demonstrate the many examples and ways in which polyamory can exist.
Polyamorous: Living and Loving More is different because it is a non fiction book that is not only respectful about its subject matter but personal. Yuen provides readers insight into polyamory as well as demonstrating that just as each person is different, so is each polyamorous relationship.
I would really recommended giving Polyamorous: Living and Loving More a read if you're curious or interested in the subject matter. It is very well written and provides an excellent and personal reference point for the little discussed subject matter.
Polyamorous: Living and Loving More is an in depth exploration of polyamory and all the issues that can surround these relationships. Jenny Yuen makes this topic real through her honest discussion of real relationships and real people.
Polyamorous provides a very localised look at polyamory within Canada and often times provides very detailed social and historical context about the country. Despite being Australian and having very little understanding of the larger issues at play within Canada, I nonetheless found this local focus very grounding.
For me, a by-product of focusing on the one country, was that Polyamorous was very welcoming in its exploration of polyamory. That is, it demonstrates the prevalence of these little discussed relationships within one country. It discusses and tells the stories of people we wouldn't necessarily read about. It welcomes and in its almost clinical discussion, shows that no one is alone - polyamorous relationships exist and they are all incredibly varied and different.
The actual content of the books focuses on many different aspects of polyamory. Topics such as jealousy, relationships structures, legal rights, and media perceptions are all covered within the book. Often chapters will focus on one or two examples or case studies of real people, as these issues are discussed and personal insights are offered. The inclusion of actual quotes and insights from people makes the chapters very nuanced, with each striving to demonstrate the many examples and ways in which polyamory can exist.
Polyamorous: Living and Loving More is different because it is a non fiction book that is not only respectful about its subject matter but personal. Yuen provides readers insight into polyamory as well as demonstrating that just as each person is different, so is each polyamorous relationship.
I would really recommended giving Polyamorous: Living and Loving More a read if you're curious or interested in the subject matter. It is very well written and provides an excellent and personal reference point for the little discussed subject matter.
August 9, 2019
This was probably the most interesting book I have read this summer. The writing is sharp and interesting. My only critique is that I think the book in its entirety could have been better organized, either sticking with case study style by province or with subjects. As a society, we've opened our eyes to the possibilities of sexual and gender identities, and it seems to me that the next big topic for discussion is relationship structures. It has boggled my mind how many of my contemporaries have affairs or are shocked when their partner does, even though statistics suggest it could happen to all of us. An open conversation about needs and wants could help this, although as Yuen makes clear, sometimes you just can't help falling in love even when you know it is wrong. Alternative models of "family" are very appealing to me, being raised in a not quite functional blended model; I see so many positives of children being loved and cared for by many, as well as more love for anyone always being more fulfilling. One concept that Yuen touched on that I hadn't thought of is the idea that not all relationships within a polyamorous relationship need to be sexual, taking a variety of forms that express feelings.
November 11, 2019
101119: this is an enlightening introduction to the concepts of 'polyamory', that is, love relationships with multiple partners. this is not 'swinging' per se, though that is one form, in fact the emphasis seems to be on close emotional bonds with several others rather than sexual openness, as consciously chosen strategy to maximize love etc in 'non-monogamous' relationships, which of course allows multiple partners in various configurations. this is not cheating. this book is basically the stories of various self-identified 'polya's and is dedicated to portraying this relationship model as essentially non-threatening, normal, tending to common. after some the stories blur. this is also very canadian book, not simply in place, in tendency to recount mostly upper-middle class educated whites- then there are some diverse chapters! in canadian way- but mostly, finally, everyone seems so... polite? no fires of hell, too many pitchfork-wielding communities, bad actors not much mentioned etc... this is an intriguing intro. maybe best for those of us who have been through some amory...
January 1, 2022
This book opened my eyes to another way of living.
That being said, I also didn't finish it because part of it felt like a self-centered person being unsatisfied with only one lover. This is probably an unfair view. It sounds like people in the polyamory community are very communicative and open with their lovers, which is something all of us should be able to appreciate.
I think it is truly possible to love more than one person. Monogamy isn't for everyone. However, being into sex with a bunch of people doesn't mean that polyamory is for you.
It's confusing to read about other people's polyamorous relationships. It's like a never ending list of names and figuring out who sleeps with whom and how they possibly make the living arrangements work.
Sounds like there can be healthy multi-spouse, multi-child relationships, which financially make sense in this underpaid capitalism nightmare. But I'm not totally interested in knowing the V or W shape of a bunch of strangers sex patterns either. Good for them.
That being said, I also didn't finish it because part of it felt like a self-centered person being unsatisfied with only one lover. This is probably an unfair view. It sounds like people in the polyamory community are very communicative and open with their lovers, which is something all of us should be able to appreciate.
I think it is truly possible to love more than one person. Monogamy isn't for everyone. However, being into sex with a bunch of people doesn't mean that polyamory is for you.
It's confusing to read about other people's polyamorous relationships. It's like a never ending list of names and figuring out who sleeps with whom and how they possibly make the living arrangements work.
Sounds like there can be healthy multi-spouse, multi-child relationships, which financially make sense in this underpaid capitalism nightmare. But I'm not totally interested in knowing the V or W shape of a bunch of strangers sex patterns either. Good for them.
August 11, 2023
Resource for anyone curious to learn more about polyamory (sometimes called ethical non-monogamy) from a Canadian viewpoint. I wouldn’t recommend it as a first introduction to the idea, partly because of its textbook style, but I appreciated that it covered a wide range of topics (and folks’ stories), with such a specific scope on the data, laws, lived experiences etc. of Canadians.
A couple of tonal things personally caught me off guard, namely how the author spoke about how she'd cheated before trying polyamory (esp. the way it was discussed)—from conversations & resources I've encountered, this seemed jarring in contrast with the values of the ENM movement. Also, while I think the broadness of the book could be useful, I personally found a few chapters particularly interesting and really struggled to get through others.
Tl;dr: useful for the Canadian POV on this topic; dense and really not recommended as “just for fun” unless you’re particularly invested in this topic.
A couple of tonal things personally caught me off guard, namely how the author spoke about how she'd cheated before trying polyamory (esp. the way it was discussed)—from conversations & resources I've encountered, this seemed jarring in contrast with the values of the ENM movement. Also, while I think the broadness of the book could be useful, I personally found a few chapters particularly interesting and really struggled to get through others.
Tl;dr: useful for the Canadian POV on this topic; dense and really not recommended as “just for fun” unless you’re particularly invested in this topic.
September 5, 2019
An amazing reflection on our capacity to love. Yuen's writing is the perfect mix of personal and journalistic. I'd highly recommend this book if you are curious about what polyamory is.
I especially loved how it explored the realities of polyam people in Canada, something I imagine hadn't been done before or not as well as she did. Also, the author really took the time to explore the realities of polyam POC, which, from the sound of it, hadn't been done or not properly in previous, often more known, works.
I especially loved how it explored the realities of polyam people in Canada, something I imagine hadn't been done before or not as well as she did. Also, the author really took the time to explore the realities of polyam POC, which, from the sound of it, hadn't been done or not properly in previous, often more known, works.
April 28, 2022
This is a tough book to rate. On the one hand, it is a great overview of the legal status of polyamory in Canada, and you couldn't as for more interviews if you want to hear from people actually living the lifestyle. On the other hand, this is a bone-dry book. Great for reference, but not very good at holding your attention for long time periods. Also, the interviews really make you realize how poorly spoken your average Canadian is. A lot of these people sound like they are fine individuals, but their quotes are... a little bit cringe inducing.
February 1, 2019
This was a fairly good look at polyamory in Canada and a lot of people from many provinces were interviewed. It was interesting reading about different relationship configurations and how polyamory is portrayed in the media, etc. But it did drag in parts too and was a little academic. Overall, interesting!
February 28, 2021
A well written book that clearly explains Polyamory to people experienced and inexperienced with it. Some of the resources may become outdated with time but the facts and information is there. Well written and researched, with tales from real people all across canada. A good resource for anyone questioning or trying to explain polyamory to anyone.
February 13, 2024
Although this book has a range of poly stories and experiences I found the style of writing did not apeal to me. The writer is a journalist and this is very much written in journalistic style. Focusing on the stories and facts than on analysis and process which is what I would prefer.
Interesting parts on poly in the media and law particularly in the canadian contex.
Interesting parts on poly in the media and law particularly in the canadian contex.
March 12, 2019
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Explores peoples relationships (over time & with different variations) and brings in history and legal things (Canadian)
Explores peoples relationships (over time & with different variations) and brings in history and legal things (Canadian)
September 30, 2022
Solid. Very Canadian. Journalist interviews with the heavy hitters in Canada.
Read
October 7, 2025Very good resource
March 7, 2019
I feel a need to preface this with: I am NOT interested in this lifestyle AT ALL! Haha. I just enjoy reading books about people with different lifestyles, on the fringes of society, etc. Perhaps this is why I also read a ton of true crime and psychological books.
Anyway, onto the book. I thought it was pretty interesting. It seemed to be well researched and contained a lot of statistics and stories from quite a number of people. I didn't know much about this lifestyle except for what I've seen occasionally on reality TV, and it was definitely eye-opening. I still don't personally agree with the lifestyle, but the author explained that it's sometimes intrinsic to someone, like sexual orientation. If that's the case, who am I to judge?
The personal stories of people who live this lifestyle were definitely the most interesting parts of the book. I was hoping for juicy drama and gossip, like the shows about these people (such as Sister Wives), and I got a bit of that, but not really. To be honest, that's why I wanted to read it. It was more informative than anything else though. The statistics and history bits weren't quite as interesting, but informative nonetheless.
Anyway, onto the book. I thought it was pretty interesting. It seemed to be well researched and contained a lot of statistics and stories from quite a number of people. I didn't know much about this lifestyle except for what I've seen occasionally on reality TV, and it was definitely eye-opening. I still don't personally agree with the lifestyle, but the author explained that it's sometimes intrinsic to someone, like sexual orientation. If that's the case, who am I to judge?
The personal stories of people who live this lifestyle were definitely the most interesting parts of the book. I was hoping for juicy drama and gossip, like the shows about these people (such as Sister Wives), and I got a bit of that, but not really. To be honest, that's why I wanted to read it. It was more informative than anything else though. The statistics and history bits weren't quite as interesting, but informative nonetheless.
March 16, 2020
For some reason I thought I had already reviewed this book, but I guess I've just mentioned it a lot on the blog recently. So here is my actual review of Jenny Yuen's book.
Polyamours is a look into polyamory from the perspective of Canadian reporter Jenny Yuen. She explores not only her own journey into non-monogamy, but also the lives of various Canadians who consider themselves under the polyamory umbrella. What I think I enjoyed the most about this book was hearing the perspective of a woman of color, as well as a non-American. I admit Yuen was starting to convince me to move to Canada! Not that she was trying to do that, it just sounds like a better place to live if you're polyam and want to get married to multiple and raise children with them.
Through her book she looks at polyamory through the lenses of all the different relationship types. From people who are in quads and more, to people who are disabled or POC. This isn't just about white throuples, which I really appreciated!
This is not a how-to book, though it does have some helpful advice. This is simply an exploration into how people do relationships differently and I really enjoyed reading it. I gave this book five stars on Goodreads.
Polyamours is a look into polyamory from the perspective of Canadian reporter Jenny Yuen. She explores not only her own journey into non-monogamy, but also the lives of various Canadians who consider themselves under the polyamory umbrella. What I think I enjoyed the most about this book was hearing the perspective of a woman of color, as well as a non-American. I admit Yuen was starting to convince me to move to Canada! Not that she was trying to do that, it just sounds like a better place to live if you're polyam and want to get married to multiple and raise children with them.
Through her book she looks at polyamory through the lenses of all the different relationship types. From people who are in quads and more, to people who are disabled or POC. This isn't just about white throuples, which I really appreciated!
This is not a how-to book, though it does have some helpful advice. This is simply an exploration into how people do relationships differently and I really enjoyed reading it. I gave this book five stars on Goodreads.
October 23, 2020
I loved Yuen's take on polyamory and her book is wonderfully presented with real world accounts of couples who live and love their way without any reservations. A must read for those interested in an alternative to monogamy.
December 18, 2018
DNF
Polyamory is multiple romantic relationships with everyone’s knowledge and consent. It’s not an excuse to cheat. The author states she is not an expert on polyamory not the face of polyamory. Jenny- the author goes on to talk about her two relationships in her life> Adam who was thirty years older than she was, and Charlie who she wants to start a family with. Than there is the story of Cornelia Foss, Polyamory earliest roots were from the late 1840s to 1870s. It can be traced back to upstate New York in Oneida to a commune that practiced “complex marriage.” in Oneida the three hundred people who lived there were all considered to be married to one another. In the 1970s the second wave of polyamory evolved as a direct result of the sesxual revolution and intertwined with the bisexial and free love movements. The third wave of polyamory was thanks to the internet. The web helped sexual non-conformists to connect. In 2009 Newsweek speculated whether polyamory was the next sexual revolution. Polyamory is often incorrectly lumped with polygamy- where it’s usually a man who has many wives under his control. In 2018 enter enter Polyamory in your facebook search bar and the results reveal hundreds of groups around the world.
I tried I couldn’t even get into this book. Maybe because it is written by someone in canada so a lot of it has to do with the Canadian polygroups I don't know the US is bought in a lot. I even type in polyamory as was mentioned here and there are a lot of groups so did at least rouse my curiosity even at least one here in Columbus Ohio but otherwise this was just too dry for me. Not sure what I expected but this wasn’t it. My fault not the authors. I wouldn’t have scored it if I didn’t have to. I couldn’t keep my interest going. This just wasn’t for me. I am sure there are others who will really enjoy this book.
Polyamory is multiple romantic relationships with everyone’s knowledge and consent. It’s not an excuse to cheat. The author states she is not an expert on polyamory not the face of polyamory. Jenny- the author goes on to talk about her two relationships in her life> Adam who was thirty years older than she was, and Charlie who she wants to start a family with. Than there is the story of Cornelia Foss, Polyamory earliest roots were from the late 1840s to 1870s. It can be traced back to upstate New York in Oneida to a commune that practiced “complex marriage.” in Oneida the three hundred people who lived there were all considered to be married to one another. In the 1970s the second wave of polyamory evolved as a direct result of the sesxual revolution and intertwined with the bisexial and free love movements. The third wave of polyamory was thanks to the internet. The web helped sexual non-conformists to connect. In 2009 Newsweek speculated whether polyamory was the next sexual revolution. Polyamory is often incorrectly lumped with polygamy- where it’s usually a man who has many wives under his control. In 2018 enter enter Polyamory in your facebook search bar and the results reveal hundreds of groups around the world.
I tried I couldn’t even get into this book. Maybe because it is written by someone in canada so a lot of it has to do with the Canadian polygroups I don't know the US is bought in a lot. I even type in polyamory as was mentioned here and there are a lot of groups so did at least rouse my curiosity even at least one here in Columbus Ohio but otherwise this was just too dry for me. Not sure what I expected but this wasn’t it. My fault not the authors. I wouldn’t have scored it if I didn’t have to. I couldn’t keep my interest going. This just wasn’t for me. I am sure there are others who will really enjoy this book.
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