Perfect: Anorexia and Me

by Emily Halban

Emily Halban developed anorexia in her final year of high school. She went on to college at an Ivy League school where her disease took on a powerful dimension. By her final year she was so debilitated that she had to take her exams in a separate room where she could be fed continuously. With heartbreaking candor and poignant intimacy, Emily vividly chronicles the complexities and inner struggles of living with anorexia. She traces her disease from its elusive origins, through its darkest moments of deprivation, guilt, and self-loathing. As she recounts her journey towards recovery, Emily draws us into her raw experience of anorexia, exposing its secrets and dispelling some of the myths that shroud it. Beautifully written and alive with self-awareness, but never self-pity, this inspiring read will offer those battling with this all-consuming disease a glimpse of perspective and hope, and help those on the outside to understand more.

Genres: Nonfiction, Mental Health, Psychology, Memoir, Mental Illness, Biography, Medical

336 pages, Paperback

First published June 3, 2008

Reviews

[Jess · Rating 1 out of 5]

First of all, this book should come with a trigger warning. Ms Halban discusses numbers, weight, and preferred diet with frightening frequency.

There is little in the way of insight in this narrative. It is hard to read in most spots - not because it is so me me me, but because while she touches on insights she has made, she chooses not to share them, and focuses much more on superficial levels of the disease.

She includes letters and diary entries that are intended to give us further insight into where she was at a particular moment of the disease, however they work better to serve a self indulgent narrative with little reflection or critical thinking.

What the book DOES do, however, is emphasise and highlight issues in how eating disorders are treated, and how the right treatment approach (multi faceted) is required. Further, it serves to show that few people recover on the first attempt.

Long story short - there are better memoirs out there. Don't waste your money, or your time.

[Emily Stites · Rating 4 out of 5]

I have read many eating disorder memoirs, but none quite like this one. Coming from someone who is in recovery from a 9 year battle with EDNOS (Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified) the main appeal this book had for me was that it was in no way triggering. Many books of this sort tend to trigger it's readers (those with or recovering from the illness). But this did not. Instead of focusing on the disease (in this case anorexia), it focused on her feelings and thoughts and her recovery (and the few relapses). There was never a point in this book where I felt the "voice" come back. But its happened other times with other books that focus mainly on the habits and rituals and things like that.

For those in recovery, those who want to recover, or even someone who knows a loved one who is suffering from this debilitating disease, will find strength and courage in this book. The author, Emily Halban, will show you her world with "Cruella" (the name she gave her anorexia). You will share her pain, her struggles, her triumphs, her tears, and her laughter. This book will provide hope that you too have the ability to get better, or that you have the resources to help someone to get better.

[Turtelina · Rating 1 out of 5]

The worst book, sorry to say. I never got into it, never could relate never understood her "point of view". Fair to say, I might be too old for these kind of books now or to far into the flow to long for more mature literature and this was definitely a huge step back. I read lots and lots of books on the topic, this was one of the worst ones.

Not recommended.

[Kenzie Fischer · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this book at the perfect time in my life.

[Johanna · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a very eloquently written memoir about a young woman’s struggle with anorexia. The novel establishes a clear timeline and details the debilitating effect that anorexia has on the author’s life and those of her friends and family. Emily’s desire to attain perfection rules her life for over four years and greatly attributes to her vulnerability to becoming anorexic. It is heartbreaking to read the physical damage that the sickness inflicts on her young body and subsequently causes her to alienate those closest to her.

One of the greatest strengths of this novel is the writing style of the author - her communication is flawless. While she addresses a number of triggering factors in her life, she lays no blame on any event or person but only discusses the significance that a particular moment may have played in the role of her illness. The author is very candid about her experiences and her beliefs concerning anorexia. One thing I particularly liked about this book is that the author asked her friends and family to include a chapter on what it was like to see their daughter, sister, friend, and girlfriend suffer though anorexia. This chapter provides the reader with a fuller picture of the damage that eating disorders cause, not only to the person who suffers from them, but to those closest to them.

A truly touching memoire that I would encourage anyone to read - especially those who have come in contact with anorexia personally or through someone close to them.

[Kim Smart · Rating 5 out of 5]

I myself suffer with anorexia so no shock this book took my eye. I couldn't wait to read it. At first I was reading for weight loss tips and occasionally look back on diets and tricks but this book was a true inspiration to me and my recovery.

[Renita D'Silva · Rating 4 out of 5]

Thought provoking

[Erica · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is a very disappointing book. All the reviews I read were positive, praising this book's helpful perspective, but I can't say that I agree.

Emily Halban received excellent medical care. It was definitely better than what most patients with anorexia experience. I enjoyed the final portion of the book where she included written statements from her family members, best friend, and boyfriend. However, Halban kept referring to her eating disorder as "Cruella" which honestly isn't as bad as "Ana" but still immature and annoying.

This is a "different" book on anorexia but I can't quite put my finger on why. Halban glosses over many aspects of her disease, so the book felt very vague and lacks details.

[Ana Kat · Rating 4 out of 5]

This insightful book was written by a girl who suffered and probably still suffers from her anorexia. It's a roller coaster ride of emotions on her journey through recovery. It describes her relationship with those around her throughout her illness and the struggles that she endures. Heart wrenching in places. AK xoxo

[Aoife · Rating 3 out of 5]

Generic.

[Xin Ru Toh · Rating 4 out of 5]

This memoir gave me my first insight into one's experience with anorexia. I couldn't quite understand how her anorexia first started, and I was rather exhausted by how she repeatedly fell into the same cycle of recovery and relapse. However, I acknowledge that just because some things don't seem logical to me doesn't mean that these struggles are not real to others. Moreover, if it's tiring for me as a reader to read about her constant battle, one can only imagine how torturous it must have been for the actual person fighting anorexia. I also empathised with the larger theme of the struggle with perfectionism.

[Aurora Dimitre · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was good. I liked how matter-of-fact it was, and I liked how recovery-focused it was. It's a very quick read, too--read it in one night, in like a two-hour spread, though it's over 300 pages. Decent book about the subject.

[Carrie Spooner · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is an interesting insight into the illness and how it affect the lives of the loved ones as well as the one suffering with it. It’s fascinating to see how the ripple effect travels through so many more and the impact it can have on them all.

[Katrin · Rating 4 out of 5]

Good book, very realistic of what anorexia does to a family and to the suffer.

[Tutankhamun18 · Rating 5 out of 5]

Emotional, fascinating. Will make you cry. Will touch you. Such a good memoir

[Maddie · Rating 5 out of 5]

A great book! It was very inspiring. I definitely recommend!!

[Isobel · Rating 5 out of 5]

Absolutely amazing! Could not put his book down. Helps you to understand much more what someone with anorexia feels like and the incredible strength it must take to overcome it.

[Chrissy · Rating 1 out of 5]

I have no idea who are the people who rated this four stars, nor what books they actually read.

[Ruth · Rating 4 out of 5]

I enjoyed this book although it wasn't my favourite book I've read on this topic. The words of Emily hit home for me as I am currently struggling with anorexia and she managed to convey a true image of what it's like to struggle with the disease. She explains particularly well how the disordered thoughts are so twisted and sickening. They are coming from another person as she doesn't feel as though the true version of her without the illness would think this way. Emily does not sugarcoat her battle and we see her cycle through relapse and recovery throughout the book. This is only realistic as anorexia does not develop overnight and many people believe it can take six years to fully recover. Overall I thought the book held a great insight of what Emily's life was like throughout her darkest moments and also helped to paint a picture of how those closest to her felt about her disease. If you enjoyed this book I would also recommend that you read 'brave girl eating' as it tells the story of anorexia from a mothers perspective as was a very interesting read.

[Rebecca · Rating 3 out of 5]

Sidenote: A family friend who was 29 years old recently died from anorexia, so I am picking up a few titles on the subject, to gain a more well rounded perspective, though it's a very hard disease, as I am now learning. While I feel sad, since I am nowhere close to having it, I sort of don't get it. But I still enjoyed this book. Girl has disease and goes through the motions of fixing it. She fails sometimes and sometimes passes, but all in all, it takes nearly 10 years to get over, from start to finish. She seemed to have a pretty good family, with tons of money to help her in anyway that needed to be done and after a few false starts, one thing that helped her get over the hump was that she wanted to have a child someday and she knew that if she kept going down the path she was going, it would not happen. An easy read, but very interesting. Nothing crazy or anything, just a simple illness book.

[Aimee Taylor · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a beautifully written book about a disease that is far from beautiful. Accepting of the fact that one cannot pin point the cause of the illness or define an end to it because neither exist; you can't say when eating or your view of yourself first becomes disordered, it's a slow process that starts long before you realise and it never ends either, it is something that will always be with someone. Perfect has a way of describing feelings and emotions you may not be able to word yourself or understand and gives hope when you feel there is none. A wonderful, if heart wrenching read x

[Jojo Finlay · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is really well written. It was easy to read and conveyed all that the author had been through in a very realistic way. I also like how she got her family and partner to write letters in the back, it meant that there was a little insight into how they had managed the illness as well. I'd recommend this to anyone interested in reading memoirs of those who have suffered/are suffering through eating disorders or mental illnesses.

[Jack Lewsley · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book had the uncanny ability to grab me at any moment. Even if I had not touched it for weeks, I was able to immediately pick it back up and become enthralled almost immediately. It brought me to tears and wrenched my heart, especially being that I'm a male who has suffered from anorexia for the better part of the last decade and know exactly how Emily feels. Almost too relatable.

[Jenine Young · Rating 4 out of 5]

I'm thankful that this book was not a how to guide for anorexics. it was heart wrenching but gave hope. The section at the end where each family member/love gives their perspective and advice was a nice touch

[Jennifer · Rating 4 out of 5]

Finally, a book that's more about recovery than describing the disease.

[Liz · Rating 3 out of 5]

Clear-voiced and generally compelling -- though I didn't feel compelled in the ways the author wanted me to, I think (notably, by the diary entries).

[Syeera Zulhisham]

perfection

[Rebecca_watt]

Can anyone explain to me how i read these books