Housebroken: Admissions of an Untidy Life

by Laurie Notaro

#1 New York Times bestselling author Laurie Notaro isn’t exactly a domestic goddess—unless that means she fully embraces her genetic hoarding predisposition, sneaks peeks at her husband’s daily journal, or has made a list of the people she wants on her Apocalypse Survival team (her husband’s not on it).

Inspired by Victorian household manuals, Notaro chronicles her chronic misfortune in the domestic arts, including cooking, cleaning, and putting on Spanx while sweaty (which should technically qualify as an Olympic sport).

Housebroken is a rollicking new collection of essays showcasing her irreverent wit and inability to feel shame. From defying nature in the quest to making her own Twinkies, to begging her new neighbors not to become urban livestock keepers, to teaching her eight-year-old nephew about hobos, Notaro recounts her best efforts—and hilarious failures—in keeping a household inches away from being condemned. After all, home wasn’t built in a day.

Genres: Humor, Nonfiction, Memoir, Essays, Audiobook, Comedy, Autobiography

Audiobook

First published July 12, 2016

About the author

Laurie Notaro is a New York Times best-selling American writer.

Reviews

[Melki · Rating 5 out of 5]

I clean my house the way I do my taxes: in crisis mode. I wait until there is no alternative, and then I do it in one grand sweeping motion. And I've come to the conclusion that there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.

Another enjoyable collection of Laurie's musings. Join her as she attempts to replicate the Twinkie, teach her nephew to wipe his own bottom, and guard a pile of leaves in front of her home. She also shares her Nana's yummy-sounding recipes for tomato sauce, pizza, and sausage bread, and some not quite as yummy-sounding directions for making your own cheese.

I guess I enjoy these so much because Laurie's attitude so perfectly reflects my own philosophy of life, particularly in my favorite one, the title essay in which she tries a Marie Kondō-like sweep of her collected stuff. She stops short when the author advises throwing away unread books.

Tossing books you've never read is not just a sin, it's a crime, one worthy of capital punishment. Frankly, if I walk into your house and you don't have two hundred books somewhere that you haven't read yet, I don't trust you. I don't want to know you as a person. I barely believe you are human. But if you don't have the capacity to want, if you lack the urge to find out, if you're not curious enough to explore the stories you don't know yet, or what is in the book that you brought home for whatever reason, I have to say this is the point where I believe civilization stops, curls up in a ball, and dies a dull, boring, very tidy death.

And I want no part of it. Or your magically tidy house, which, by the way, I find lifeless, a shell, a corpse of something probably once vibrant and bursting with things to make, read, touch, feel, smell, and explore.

Yes! That!

[Kelly · Rating 5 out of 5]

Sigh...how do I express my love for Laurie Notaro? All the stars.

I think when I read Laurie Notaro I must be experiencing the same feeling a 22 year old girls gets listening to Taylor Swift. "It's like she understands me!" Notaro NEVER fails to make me laugh out loud, in solidarity and embarassment. Reading anecdotes and observations from her life is so enjoyable. Before the world fell in love with Jenny Lawson and Amy Schumer, Notaro was the funny woman to read. She is still as relatable and hilarious as ever. Hands down one of the best collections from her since It Looked Different on the Model: Epic Tales of Impending Shame and Infamy.

[Kelly (and the Book Boar) · Rating 3 out of 5]

Apparently Laurie Notaro is a fairly well-known name in the humorous essay game, but this was my first go ‘round with her stuff to accompany me on my walks. Now that I’ve read her?????



While no one will ever be able to hold a candle to my Darling David, my fascination with all things hoardy definitely made her my cup of tea : )

[Lynn · Rating 4 out of 5]

Laurie Notaro will always make you laugh out loud. She is that quirky neighbor that you would love to have (who doesn't worry about what the new neighbors are going to be like), the girlfriend that will make you pee your pants by making you laugh so hard. I love that she can take her every day antics and put them on paper as if they are the biggest story of the day! I enjoyed her recipes in this book and her delightful homage to twinkies. I love that she can laugh at herself and come out winning in the end. From being unfriended by family on social media, to making cheese, to sewing dresses for friends, she turns the everyday antics of life into hilarious stories using her always great delivery. You've done it again and I can't wait for more! (Thank you NetGalley and publisher Random House Publishing Group Ballantine for allowing me to read an ARC of this book.)

[Obsidian · Rating 3 out of 5]

So sad to say I have never heard of Laurie Notaro. My library recommended this book to me since I like to read memoirs and humor. Unfortunately there was not enough humor for me. I laughed a few times, but mostly just read and wondered what the point was at the end of some of Notaro's essays.

Notaro's essays mainly focus on her life living in Oregon with her husband and her not so tidy life/house. We get to read about how she had grapes turn into raisins and apparently ate them. I maybe shuddered during that one essay. And also we get to read about how stacks of paper/bills/etc. come to her house to live and never seem to go away. I just didn't get most of it, and since I have a freaking aversion to walking into what sounded like a pre-hoarder house (is that a thing?) I didn't find it as cute and lovable as Notaro did.

I also give authors who write memoirs kudos though for opening themselves up. Notaro let's readers into her everyday life and also provides details about things in her past (such as when she first started taking her nephews to The Waffle House) and trying to rent a house with her mother while she still lived in Arizona.

The flow was up and down for me depending on what essay I was reading.

The setting for the most part is Oregon with some comments about her upbringing or specific events in Arizona.

The book jumps around a lot, but eventually ends and I just kind of nodded my head and went well I finished it. Not bad, not great, just a nice read.

[Cathy · Rating 4 out of 5]

What a fun read! Loved hearing about life in Oregon and the Waffle House stories. I thought I might've been her evil twin (Emily) but then I'm pretty sure my gob contains 0% Italian DNA.

[Erin · Rating 4 out of 5]

ARC for review. EPD - July 12, 2016.

I adore Laurie Notaro - so down to earth and funny, and perfectly willing to call herself out....and she's a little older and wiser, so I relate to her a bit better than to some of the younger humor writers out there. This is yet another amusing series of short essays - I loved the one about the Waffle House and how it's the place for true honesty in humanity (and for her her nephews) and her letter to herself at age twenty-five This time she includes some great Italian recipes that an ambitious cook might love to try (not talking about me here, but boy did they sound good) and there's a lot about cooking in general - nothing earth-shattering here, just light fun, but, as always, well worth the time spent with Ms. Notaro.

[Arielle · Rating 5 out of 5]

ME: How are you, Colleen?
COLLEEN: I had chickens once. They were torn limb from wing by raccoons.
ME: You invited murder into your backyard. I’m sorry, that is not sad. But please remember to make sure you take whatever tortilla chip you touch. You have mouse shit hands. And most likely the hantavirus. Again, please stop touching all the chips.

This book was nothing like I expected. I ordered it for my library and the cover caught my eye when it arrived. Since the cover was a picture of woman covered in flour and the title reads, “Housebroken: Admissions of an Untidy Life” I laughed to myself and picked up it. There have been so many books lately on keeping your house tidy and I just thought this would be more refreshing for who I am as a person. Having not read anything else by Notaro, I was COMPLETELY not prepared for how hilarious she is. Instead of this being some boring book about a person’s boring tale of an untidy house, it’s a bunch of short stories from her life. Most of them related to her having an untidy house, but every single story was so engrossing.

“Laurie? What is this? It’s pink—It’s not pink? What the hell color is it then? Dad says it’s peach. I don’t think it’s peach. You’re crazy, this is peach? Go back upstairs. I’m leaving a message, Jimmy. Anyway, your father found it in your room and we think it may be your underwear. It’s long for underwear, though. It looks like it has legs. At first Dad thought it was a pile of skin. Jimmy, I said go back upstairs. Anyway, it’s here. In case you are missing…skin. Yeah. I don’t really like touching it. Don’t ask me to mail it. I’m not sending underwear through the mail. That’s illegal.”

They jumped around time frame wise and none of the stories flowed together but I actually liked that. Each story was just a small snippet from her life, and all of them had me dying with laughter. You learn about her life in Eugene, Oregon, her hilarious interactions with neighbors and people in general, and her Italian heritage (there are a few recipes in there that I really want to try!). This is a fun, quick read about the untidy-ness of everyday life and I know without a doubt that I will be checking the rest of her books out ASAP.

Don’t waste time on books that suck. You have my absolute permission to abandon a book or movie that is not lighting you on fire.

[Robin · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was an enjoyable romp through Laurie's everyday life, which can be funny, frustrating, or just plain weird (she lives in Eugene, Oregon, which can be an odd little city--I grew up there, I know). I loved the stories about teaching her nephew the fine art of hygiene, how to make gravy for Italian meatballs (silly me, I thought it was called "marinara" or "spaghetti" sauce), and her attempts to make homemade Twinkies. One of the most laugh-out-loud moments was her rebuttal after reading Marie Kondo's THE LIFE-CHANGING MAGIC OF TIDYING UP. I also found a couple of the stories very touching, which I think is a major feat to pull off when writing humor.

Many of the stories in this book sounded familiar and I realized it was because I follow her on Facebook, where she often posts photos of food experiments and incidents from her life.

Read this if you love good humor and also if you are a fan of Jenny Lawson's memoirs. It's not yet not yet published, but this could also be a good readalike for Therese Oneill's Unmentionable: The Victorian Lady's Guide to Sex, Marriage, and Manners, which Laurie has recently endorsed.

Thanks to Edelweiss for a digital reading copy of this book.

[Jamie · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was actually more amusing than I expected! If you ever thought you had bad habits, were a less-than-stellar house guest, had frustrating run-ins or breakdowns with family and even more with strangers, than you might enjoy this. The stories and situations shared by Laurie Notaro had me nodding in agreement to some things and going bug-eyed and cracking up at other situations that were almost over the top unbelievable. It flies by for a fast read! I did this as an audiobook and she does a great job narrationg. SHe is engaging and gets you into her tales of woe and chaos.

[Les · Rating 5 out of 5]

Laurie Notaro is funny, so funny I want to be her when I am reincarnated. Yet another book where I had to stop reading because I was laughing so hard I was crying.

But this book even has a super bonus Laurie includes her Nana's Sunday Gravy recipe. (if you think this involves a roast beef walk away) and sausage bread recipe and cheese recipes. Squeeeee!!

Now Laurie's humor isn't for everyone but she is certainly for me.

[Whitney · Rating 4 out of 5]

Readers can always depend on Laurie Notaro to provide hysterical yet thought-provoking material in her "everyday-is-an-adventure" essay books. (I am curious to see how her novels go; haven't yet gotten hold of one.)

The quote that got me laughing out loud:

Laurie considers saying to a deli employee:
Do not "tell me that twenty-two percent is a quarter pound, because it's not. Your next move should not be insisting that twenty-two percent IS a quarter pound, because although I went to college a long time ago and was drunk for most of it, I remember that a quarter pound is twenty-five percent because my boyfriend used to sell drugs. And I know that if you sell someone a quarter pound of pot and only give them twenty-two percent, the biker who just gave you cash is going to come back and set your house on fire. And I feel the same way about ham."

This book also contains some amazing recipes for Italian-American dinners. And even though I hail from the type of people Laurie's mother despises (People Who Eat Cornbread), the recipes might help me redeem my "dreadful" palate!

The last essay--possibly my favorite in this book--is a thoughtful, biting sendoff, from 50 year-old Laurie, writing to her 25 year-old self. Both versions of Laurie seem like badass ladies. Someone needs to invent time travel, stat, so the two Lauries can collaborate on a new book, or hell, maybe even a screenplay!

[Jana Eichhorn · Rating 5 out of 5]

She's back, and she's awesome. Laurie Notaro has always been one of my favorites, but her last few books haven't been up to her level. I'm thrilled to say that this one was perfection. I cackled loudly and often, like the Idiot Girl that I'll always be.

[Janet · Rating 4 out of 5]

I love Laurie Notaro....not only is she a great humorist, she's also a great person. I follow her on Facebook and she has quite a following. She always has something thoughtful to say about current events.

[Jennifer · Rating 3 out of 5]

A quick and mildly amusing read.

[Jeana Berryman · Rating 1 out of 5]

I must have read a different book than all the other reviewers who commented on how hilariously laugh-out-loud funny this is? I was not even a little bit entertained.

[Riley · Rating 2 out of 5]

Eh? This was ok, but Laurie grated on me after a while. I wanted to like it more than I did.

[Theresa Alan · Rating 4 out of 5]

As usual, Notaro’s books will make you chuckle. I’ve been a long-time fan of hers. Her chapters on being a slob make me feel like we are kindred spirits, and, in this case, a little better about myself because even I’m not *that* bad. When she’s given a book that promises that becoming a tidy person will transform her life, she can’t help but heap hilarious derision on the writer and all people who are tidy. “Tidy is a vegan and that will be the first thing you know about her.”

Not every chapter is a laugh-fest. I don’t understand why a couple chapters were suddenly devoted to recipes—it made me feel like she was padding the book to get a high enough word count to constitute a book. I’m sure for women who have the patience to make their own cheese and cook meals that take hours to prepare, these recipes might come in helpful, but I’m not one of these women. (See the part on how I don’t qualify as “tidy”: If I don’t have time to live in an immaculate home, I’m certainly not going to make a bunch of meals that require dishes to further swell the amount of things I should probably clean).

A fun book as ever, but not my favorite work of hers. Thanks to Netgalley for the ARC.

[Katy · Rating 1 out of 5]

I enjoy a funny memoir as much as the next person.

Housebroken is not so much a self-deprecating divulgence of Notaro's domestic inadequacies as it is a poorly edited rant about white woman problems. No part of me could relate to the countless sweeping generalizations made, or the archaic worldview reeking of her privilege. To insult her husband's unsophisticated palate she compares it to "things people won't even eat in Africa". I was tempted to send the woman an atlas highlighting the over 4 dozen countries that make up the diverse continent of Africa, each boasting different cuisines and many discerning diners.

I almost stopped there, but continued a few more chapters just to end up with more excerpts that made me not only cringe, but feel embarrassed for the publisher. This book was recommended to me as "laugh-out-loud hilarious" by a middle-aged female librarian, which seems to be the intended audience; I didn't find many parts of the 8 chapters I read particularly funny. I suppose I would warn you against this book if you have a more contemporary worldview. This one is more for the get off my lawn, things-your-racist-grandma-would-say variety.

[JohnMichael · Rating 5 out of 5]

Two things I always forget about Laurie Notaro books until I read/re-read one:

1) She is one of maybe four writers that make me laugh out loud when reading their work, whether or not I am in public.

2) I always feel like we could be friends given the opportunity. (I know I’m not the only person who feels that way about her.)

Laurie’s books, like Celia Rivenbark’s (another favorite writer), and Erma Bombeck’s well before either of them, help me to find and appreciate the humor (and occasional sarcasm) in the ridiculousness of everyday life. While the events of her day-to-day life may have changed from The Idiot Girls’ Action-Adventure Club days, her wit and humor remain as sharp as ever.

[Edit: I cannot wait to attempt some of the recipes listed. Once I feel brave enough.]

[Kelly · Rating 4 out of 5]

I don’t throw this word around lightly but now is the time to use it: Laurie Notaro is a hoot.

[Dorina · Rating 5 out of 5]

Laurie Notaro never fails to make me laugh. I have been known to spray out beverages while reading. So I have stopped having liquids near me while reading Notaro. I probably shouldn't read her while waiting on line either - as proven by my last visit to the DMV and reading this on my phone, loud laughter escaping my mouth brought me very strange looks indeed. lol. Enjoy everyone. I promise you will.

[Susan · Rating 3 out of 5]

This would have been a 4 star review if there hadn't been a ton of pages-padding in the form of recipes dropped in the middle of the book for whole chapters. I like Notaro's writing and offbeat humor, but this felt way more like reading a blog than readin3 a book. 3 stars- a good book for reading in short spurts.

[Wendy Bunnell · Rating 4 out of 5]

I'll admit right now that I did not realize this book was even released, but was going online to read about the author's latest historical fiction Crossing the Horizon and saw it listed. There was a time when I knew when all of Laurie Notaro's books were coming out, and they didn't sneak up on me. She's one of my favorite living writers, and I know she's on Goodreads, reviewing books and whatnot, so I still harbor hopes that someday we'll meet and swap stories of idiot girl-dom.

I saw that she had a new book of escapades, and I was excited. But not soooo excited that I immediately ordered a copy for overnight delivery. I did the unthinkable, and checked to see if a copy was available at the library. And it was. So I went and got it. Why would I, who have dug up past stories of Laurie and her crazy family to make points to my crazy family for more than a decade now, not just simply order this book? Couple reasons:

1. I'm becoming quite a cheapskate, as my family keeps wanting more stuff, but my employer sees fit to pay me the same. Anytime something is available at the library, that is the golden ticket.
2. My house is already overcrowded with books. There are so many, that like Laurie and her husband in a prior book, we've attempted to make "no new books unless we cull the herd" pacts. Which we then both break. I'm trying to lead by example here.
3. And finally, as much as I love Ms. Notaro, I was somewhat disappointed by Potty Mouth at the Table. I still liked it, but I didn't love it. You can check my review for the blow by blow, but it hurt my heart a little to write it (and I have written way more critical reviews, it wasn't a bad one).

So, how does this collection of essays stack up with Ms. Notaro's past works? Favorably. Let's just say that I'm monitoring the price on Amazon right now, and have it in mind for the next time someone is asking me for a gift idea. I'll be sad to return this book to the library. But you know, you are supposed to return them, as otherwise they get mad, as it is a library. So I will, because I'm a growingly notorious cheapskate and want to maintain my good library patron status at all of my metro libraries.

I liked her attempts of re-creating the Twinkie, her perspective on Waffle House, and her apocalypse survival plan. I was less enchanted with the recipes, as one of my gripes with the last book was too much emphasis on food, and I'm no chef. I will not be attempting her grandmother's gravy, even though it does sound delicious. We got a couple fleeting glimpses at her mom, but not enough, as I do love her interactions with her mom, particularly while she threatens to burn down inferior housing so her daughter won't move in to it.

I'm back on the band wagon. I now am seeking to own this book, as I also want to have a complete collection. Some compulsions are stronger than frugality, apparently. And, now I need to finish Crossing the Horizon, which I am carrying around me with everywhere right now.

[John · Rating 2 out of 5]

Do NOT start here with this author!

I've appreciated her self-deprecating humor... until now. In this book, she comes across as just plain nutty, often mean-spirited, a lot of negativity in this collection. What's with the frequent Spanx mentions? Paid product placement? She mentions blood sugar issues, yet portrays herself as a raging chocoholic. As for her personal life, I was left wondering how her husband puts up with her as much as he does?

I understand this was written years ago, but at a time when we need all the store help we can get, lashing out at a deli clerk for "trying to pass off" .22 lbs. on a 1/4 lb. request might not be the best idea.

[Biblio Files (takingadayoff) · Rating 5 out of 5]

It's been a pleasure to read a new collection of Laurie Notaro essays every year or so, as she, um . . ."matured" doesn't seem to be quite the right word here. In the old days we saw her as a single girl willing to try a wide variety of recreational amusements, then as a newlywed adapting to married life, and now as an established and successful writer with twenty years of marriage under her belt.

Even though her experiments have shifted from dabbling in various pharmaceuticals to trying out different handicrafts, there's still an unpredictable quality to her experiences. Anything can happen and it's usually embarrassing or chaotic or both. Her adventures in Housebroken are often about people -- her neighbors, her family back in Arizona, and her husband. In fact, her husband is a major character in this collection rather than the bit player he's been in previous books.

Of course I enjoyed the tales of Notaro trying to clone Twinkies, teaching her nephew some basic life lessons, and the Kiss Cam Saga. But my favorite piece was the final essay in which she tells her twenty-five year old self a few things she wishes she had known back then. Come to think of it, "matured" is exactly the right word.

(Thanks to NetGalley and Random House for a digital review copy.)

[Randee · Rating 4 out of 5]

What can I say about Laurie Notaro that I haven't previously said? I have bought and read every book she's written. I love her humorous essays a bit more than her fiction, but she captivates me with whatever she writes. She would make my top 10 list of all time favorite writers easily. I enjoy reading her reviews right here on GoodReads and if she likes a book, I want to read it. She is one of the few people with whom I would want to be friends. I like her flaws as much as her strengths. She sounds like she found the perfect guy for her and that makes me happy because she deserves someone who makes HER laugh. I like how she yells at strangers in the street. Although she might embellish for comedic purposes, there is no doubt in my mind that she calls them how she sees them and you will get a tongue lashing if you cross her. She's up to her her usual hi-jinks and time is not slowing her down. If you are reading your reviews, Laurie, you enhance my world by making me laugh and knowing there are people like you in the world. Thanks for all the great reads over the years!!!!

[Tracy · Rating 4 out of 5]

My first Laurie Notaro! Very fun, and I'd read her again. My only issue is that there was a lack of cohesiveness or organization to the essays (or if there was one, it escaped me). While they were all about how Laurie lives in her home, in one way or another, it was not a very common thread. I felt like each one was a little all over the place. And there was no particular order to them that I could see, so we were revisiting things constantly to put things in context. But that's minor. Overall, a great way to laugh and enjoy those quirks that we all have and say the things we wish we could say out loud.

[Andrea · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 Stars

This is the IDEAL car audiobook to play as you run errands around town. Short essays written by a wickedly funny woman who should really be my friend. There was a story highlighting a visit to her doctor that goes horrifically off track, focusing on her "SPANX" thumb ("Just how much do you spank!?" asks her physician). No, she doesn't have children, she has lumps. This is a repetitive injury caused by hoisting up her girdle. Good Lord! I just HAD to play it for my colleague because this hilarity needs to be shared.

It's free on Hoopla, so there's nothing to lose (except your dignity if you inadvertently snort with laughter in front of strangers).

[Katie · Rating 2 out of 5]

I picked this book up because of the chapter about having a messy home. I didn’t like much else besides that chapter. Towards the end of the book she tells her younger self not to waste time reading books you don’t like. I should have taken that advice and put this one down a quarter of the way through. Laurie is the kind of person who decides to buy orange cones on Amazon so she can designate no parking areas herself. She’s the kind of person who instead of saying “Can you add a little bit more?” will get the manager involved when the deli gives her .22 lbs of cheese instead of .25 lbs. I didn’t find this book funny at all, only mean-spirited.