Better Sex Through Mindfulness: How Women Can Cultivate Desire

by Lori A. Brotto, Emily Nagoski (Foreword)

In Better Sex Through Mindfulness, acclaimed psychologist and sex researcher Dr. Lori Brotto shows how mindfulness is the key to cultivating desire, increasing sexual pleasure, and finding joy in intimacy.

Studies show that approximately half of all women experience some kind of sexual difficulty at one point in their lives, with lack of interest in sex being by far the most common―and the most distressing. And when sex suffers, so do all other areas of life.

But it doesn’t have to be that way. In Better Sex through Mindfulness, Dr. Brotto offers a revolutionary approach to improving desire, arousal, and satisfaction inside―and outside of―the bedroom. A pioneer in the use of mindfulness for treating sexual difficulties, Brotto has helped hundreds of women cultivate more exciting, fulfilling sexual experiences.

In this accessible, relatable book, she explores the various reasons for sexual problems, such as stress and incessant multitasking, and tells the stories of many of the women she has treated over the years. She also provides easy, effective exercises that readers can do on their own to increase desire and sexual enjoyment, whether their goal is to overcome a sexual difficulty or simply give their love life a boost.

Genres: Nonfiction, Sexuality, Self Help, Psychology, Health, Relationships, Feminism

272 pages, Paperback

First published April 21, 2018

About the author

Dr. Lori Brotto is a Professor in the UBC Department of Obstetrics and Gynaecology, and a Registered Psychologist in Vancouver, Canada. She is the Executive Director of the Women's Health Research Institute of BC located at BC Women's Hospital. Dr. Brotto holds a Canada Research Chair in Women's Sexual Health. She is the director of the UBC Sexual Health Laboratory where research primarily focuses on developing and testing psychological and mindfulness-based interventions for women with sexual desire and arousal difficulties and women with chronic genital pain. Dr. Brotto is an Associate Editor for the Archives of Sexual Behavior, has 150 peer-reviewed publications, is the Sexual Health expert writer for the Globe and Mail, and is frequently featured in the media on topics related to sexuality.

Reviews

[Misty Galbraith · Rating 5 out of 5]

Interesting and informative for any woman!

Mindfulness research is clearly stated in an academic platform focused on sexuality in women. I loved the detailed studies and the specific exercises in the book. I have been practicing meditation and mindfulness casually for some time, and these exercises gave me new ideas and goals to work on to expand my practice. The book also validated my own personal journey of enhanced sexual satisfaction as I have learned to listen more to my body and quiet my mind chatter during sex...with amazing results. I highly recommend this book to anyone (male or female) interested in sex therapy or how to find ultimate satisfaction and joy in life! Mindfulness is the key to unlocking true peace and removing fear and anxiety from our lives.

[Jenifer · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was a little bit clinical. Took me a little bit to get through it, but it gave me a lot to think about; being mindful. "Watching the events of the mind." Learning to identify and label them and not take them so seriously. My thinking truly has changed in the last few days.

I enjoy reading books about sex and intimacy. As this book teaches, Paying Attention is what you do when something is a priority. I think so many of us tend to put this topic on the back burner, choosing to do one thousand other things (with our minds and bodies) instead. I'm trying to Pay Attention.

[Ellen Byman · Rating 5 out of 5]

Bok 1/10 till sexualrådgivarutbildningen. Informativ med lätt språk, beskriver hoppfullt hur man kan förbättra sin upplevelse av sex genom att öva på att vara mer närvarande och medkännande i stunden. Härligt, icke-medikaliserande perspektiv på kvinnlig njutning. Rekommenderar varmt 🫶🏼

[Stephen Snyder · Rating 5 out of 5]

Lori Brotto's research on mindfulness and sex is the most exciting thing that's happened to sex therapy in many years. Indeed, we're only now beginning to grasp its significance for clinical care and research. This book makes sense of some extremely complicated issues in women's sexual health, and guides the reader through a vast research literature with grace and skill. But the book's most valuable contribution, for both women and their health care providers, is surely its compendium of step-by-step guides to mindfulness practice for people with sexual concerns.

Brotto pioneered the use of mindfulness practice in sex therapy, and now has more experience teaching it than anyone else. So this publication of her own "favorite recipes" is a landmark event. I anticipate most sex therapists will want a copy right away, if for no other reason than to learn these techniques from the master.

NOTE: This review is based on an Advanced Reader Copy I received in November 2017

[Julie Peters · Rating 4 out of 5]

it's full of good info, but it's all just basic mindfulness applied to sexuality. I think it's probably really good for a beginner to mindfulness but if you know what mindfulness is (and have read Emily Nagoski's Come as You Are) nothing will really be a surprise here.

[Nicole · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wonderful, very local research! I immediately ordered this for my future counselling office!!

[Giuliana Guarna · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.5

Wish there was a healthcare professional oriented version and a lay person oriented version. Found the ideas within the novel to be great and could see them being very useful to my future patients. However, I found that at times the chapters were too clinical to be something that I would recommend as a read for patients. Would love to see an even more accessible version that really dumbs down the literature for your everyday reader, and then have a more beefed up version aimed at the clinician

[Julie · Rating 3 out of 5]

The exercises included in the book are excellent. I struggled with the organization of the book, it felt disjointed and unsure of it's own thesis. I recognize it was written for the client not the practicioner.

[Brittany Date · Rating 4 out of 5]

A well researched piece of work centering on female desire, sexual difficulties and cultivating peace within. A diverse range of practical tools and introspective questions are laid out throughout which is exactly what any useful self help book should do. This book had a generous introduction to mindfulness that would lay a good foundation for a beginner but for me was slightly repetitive purely cause I have done a lot of work with it previously in reading and workshop settings.
The most interesting part of the book for me formula was shared that was illuminating and backed by research evidence. It explained a circle of desire that most women followed which was: incentives for sex, sexual triggers , arousal, responsive sexual desire emerges, sexual satisfaction, greater incentive for sex. In short, what I took away unrewarding sexual experiences could extisinguish future sexual desire. This is particularly important when larger societal believes that sex is an empassioned and energising shared experience , for people to understand that in fact many people do have negative experiences even in partnered , loving contexts.

Mindfulness has a beautiful framework of acceptance and non judgment which, needles to say, in the arena of sex and intimacy this is something we should all be doing more of.

[Annette · Rating 4 out of 5]

Well, I guess this book has had an influence on me ... since I started reading it I've been working on including meditation in my daily routine and practicing mindfulness in all aspects of my life. I can totally see the wisdom in it. I'm learning to find joy in the simple things, focus on the present moment, and be more accepting of myself.

The best part about this book, are the exercises at the end of each chapter. I especially liked the raisin meditation on page 81. I did it myself and then shared it with my husband and daughter. My daughter thought it was weird but my husband liked it.

Brotto included a lot of studies, which were somewhat interesting but not terribly helpful. It's like she kept trying to prove that mindfulness really does work and I kept thinking, "You've convinced me already so now just tell me how to go about it." To me it's just common sense ... obviously, you're not going to be able to enjoy sex (or anything else for that matter) if you're totally checked out mentally.

You could probably read a book on mindfulness and just apply it to your sexuality but you might want to read this specific book if nothing else for the exercises.

[Dawn Serra · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is going to be one of my most recommended books for clients, alongside "Come As You Are" by Emily Nagoski. Dr. Brotto is not only doing some of the most inclusive research in the field of sexuality, but she's fiercely aware of the impact that culture and social issues have on us. We do not exist inside of a vacuum.

Better Sex is full of compelling and hopeful research about the impact of mindfulness on sexual pleasure, sexual satisfaction, and, ultimately, our overall well-being.

The book has a number of mindfulness exercises included within for people looking to incorporate more attention and mindfulness into their lives, especially around sexual pleasure. It is practical, informative, research-based approach to an area of our lives where so many of us feel broken, insufficient, stressed, or apathetic.

[Clara · Rating 5 out of 5]

I am so excited for this book to come out so I can start recommending it to people! Mindfullness, aimed at nurturing healthier connections between women and their sexual bodies, is a powerful tool for disrupting the harmful messages women are bombarded with from birth and breaking through the insecurities, lack of information, and self monitoring than can impede pleasure and autonomy. Brotto includes a wide range of experiences that non-judgmentally guide personal inquiry. The "female viagra" is still a dream for pharmaceutical companies, but Brotto's mindfulness program for cultivating desire is here to help women heal, experiment, and maximize their pleasure.

[Butterfly92 · Rating 4 out of 5]

So, after all, it's all in your head? What a surprise!
Nevertheless, I really enjoyed this book. It did put my mind at ease regarding some past situations, which still bothered me years later. It turns out, my, at that time, undiscovered depression was the problem.
I have read other books on that topic before and could now confirm, that many advice which are also contained in this book do prove helpful.

[Dawn · Rating 5 out of 5]

Really fascinating book about how the disconnect between mind and body can cause a wide range of sexual issues. Lots of research and case studies. I was shocked at how common issues are for women of all ages and was especially surprised that more women in their 20s and 30s report issues than women who are 40s and 50+. I’ve been working on mindfulness and have had excellent results. So glad I found this book.

[Davide · Rating 4 out of 5]

Mindfulness is the art of paying attention to what is happening in the moment, both in mind and in body, without passing judgment or casting blame.

This book could have had a different title and still being pleasant to read. Of course the main topic is female sexual disorders and in the book there are many stories related to that.

[Mark Manderson · Rating 3 out of 5]

The brain is our most powerful sexual organ. How we think is at the heart of how we experience sex. When we’re inattentive or too busy engaging with negative thoughts, sex can be dissatisfying. But when we’re completely present, attuned to our senses and our partner, sex can be electrifying. Mindfulness meditation can help all of us enjoy and appreciate sex more.

[Rachel Van Amburgh · Rating 2 out of 5]

TL;DR — being mindful during sex makes it more fulfilling.

That’s it - that’s the book. There are some exercises that seem useful, but I was honestly so bored and don’t know how I finished this. I hope this book finds the audience that needs it, but yawwwwwwwn for me.

[Mskychick · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a book i want to purchase for continued reference.

Book suggests trying the app Headspace. Check this out in App Store

Also check out brottolab.com

[Willa · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wonderful book!

Mindfulness is one of those things that has the power to improve your life on so many different levels from emotional and mental health to sexual wellbeing to disease prevention to relational conflict…and yet, it seems to be so difficult to incorporate into daily modern life — just like getting enough sleep, having a balanced work life, eating whole foods and exercising seems to be. It’s one of those things that everyone knows they “should” do, but they don’t, which oftentimes is less a product of willpower and more a result of episodic phenomena and societal structures which capitalize on hijacking people’s attention (e.g., social media) and rewarding unhealthy behaviour (e.g., people wearing their ability to scrape by in unrealistic workplace expectations as a badge of honour) .

Having mindfulness teachers, researchers, and authors who can make this type of information more accessible to different entry points is increasingly more important. I think there’s a subset of the population who are more likely to gravitate towards spiritual and embodiment practices and will find themselves reading Tich Nhat Hahn, showing up to meditation groups, and downloading Insight Timer…. I think other demographics need the research, the structure, and the science. This book weaves all of that in and then includes exercises for both individuals and partners to help with sexual connection to self. There’s no shortcut for exploring your own sexual expansiveness — only you can do that and the first step is to gift yourself your own attention and to actually *be* in your own body.

[Evelyn Logghe · Rating 4 out of 5]

Really important book that every woman should read. To many women still just do sex, but don't enjoy it or experience pain. This book tries to turn this around by talking about studies, exercises and real life stories. The main focus here is Mindfulness ofcourse, but be aware that it is only a part of the solution.

[Dyani Carruthers · Rating 4 out of 5]

I wasn’t expecting it to be as clinical as it was, but as a health care provider I can appreciate this writing style. This book increased my interest in mindfulness on a whole and I would like to learn more in order to implement mindfulness in my patient care strategies.

[Crystal · Rating 2 out of 5]

So hard to get through.

[Lauren · Rating 4 out of 5]

If you want to be convinced of the power of mindfulness to enhance sexual pleasure, or learn how to apply that knowledge, this is your book!

[Jim Beatty · Rating 5 out of 5]

Metacognition - watching yourself think.
Stroop experiment.

[Kyla Embree · Rating 4 out of 5]

Pretty basic mindfulness techniques and if you practiced before you would be familiar with them, however if you are new to mindfulness then I assume it might be a beneficial read!

[Holl · Rating 5 out of 5]

not *really* about sex, very much about nonjudgmental acceptance and curious awareness of all of our sensations - inhabiting and being fully present in our bodies in the moment! so cool so scary love ittttt

[Shelley · Rating 5 out of 5]

Fantastic book. Well researched, clear, good balance of getting into specifics of research and keeping it easy to read for lay people. Had lots of helpful 1:1 and partners mindfulness / touch exercises beyond sensate focus. Useful sections on cancer patients and on vaginal pain. Would totally recommend to patients or colleagues.

[Zahabia Rajkotwala · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great way to introduce yourself to the workings of mindfulness

For anyone looking to delve into the benefits of mindfulness in a relationship or even outside of it. Helps you understand the effects of mindfulness on your sexuality and how you can apply it to yourself (and your partner) in order to be fully present during sexual encounters and otherwise.

[Ellen B · Rating 3 out of 5]

It became a bit too science-y for me through the middle, and I reallllllly wish it was narrated by the author, the women narrating it sounds like a voice assistant here and there so it's hard to captivate your attention. I'd recommend come as you are to anyone who's looking to explore sexual wellbeing, but this book does do a good job of highlighting sexual difficulties and how NORMAL they are.

[Marshall Wilcox · Rating 5 out of 5]

While this book is written specifically for women, it provides some helpful insights for the men who have sex with them as well.