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Healing Your Attachment Wounds: How to Create Deep and Lasting Intimate Relationships
Why do we experience recurring struggles in our relationships? And why do traumatic events—such as a physical injury, emotional threat, loss of a loved one, or other life crisis—so often awaken or amplify our sense of fear, anger, isolation, or helplessness?
From our earliest years, teaches Diane Poole Heller, we develop an attachment style that follows us through life, replaying in our intimate relationships, with our children, and at work. And traumatic events can deeply affect that core relational blueprint.
With Healing Your Attachment Wounds, a pioneer in attachment theory and trauma resolution brings together these two fields to help us understand and benefit from their complementary principles and methods.
This in-depth audio learning program sheds light on the three styles of insecure attachment—Avoidant, Ambivalent, and Disorganized—and the ideal fourth style of Secure attachment, where we enjoy a foundation of safety, adaptability, and intimacy with others.
The good news is that we can change, regardless of our early or current life experiences.
“As we heal and move toward Secure attachment,” teaches Heller, “we become aware of triggers and patterns in our relationships. Our nervous system learns to be more regulated. Things don't throw us off so easily. And we open our capacity to love and experience greater compassion.”
Through key principles, examples, and practical exercises, this program invites you to begin your own healing journey toward healthy vulnerability, wholeness, and connection with others.
From our earliest years, teaches Diane Poole Heller, we develop an attachment style that follows us through life, replaying in our intimate relationships, with our children, and at work. And traumatic events can deeply affect that core relational blueprint.
With Healing Your Attachment Wounds, a pioneer in attachment theory and trauma resolution brings together these two fields to help us understand and benefit from their complementary principles and methods.
This in-depth audio learning program sheds light on the three styles of insecure attachment—Avoidant, Ambivalent, and Disorganized—and the ideal fourth style of Secure attachment, where we enjoy a foundation of safety, adaptability, and intimacy with others.
The good news is that we can change, regardless of our early or current life experiences.
“As we heal and move toward Secure attachment,” teaches Heller, “we become aware of triggers and patterns in our relationships. Our nervous system learns to be more regulated. Things don't throw us off so easily. And we open our capacity to love and experience greater compassion.”
Through key principles, examples, and practical exercises, this program invites you to begin your own healing journey toward healthy vulnerability, wholeness, and connection with others.
Audiobook
Published December 1, 2017
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 51 reviews
September 2, 2021
This book mostly ended up being stuff I already knew from reading other books and immersing myself in attachment theory, but I did learn a few new concepts that really stuck.
The main take-home for me was the idea of “coherence” — this total attunement that some part of me has been deeply longing for my whole life, consistently disappointed with poor coherence in all of my relationships, but no vocabulary to name it.
I also really loved Diane’s embodied exercises. My eyes usually ended up brimming with tears, as I imagined the secure scenarios and visualizations that she guided me through. I particularly loved the “welcome to the world” exercise, which stirred so much of my own early childhood grief around feeling unwelcome. I also loved the “gleam beams” (kind eyes) visualizations. Doing these I felt so much warmth, and such a taste of what life could feel like when I’m not looking out through trauma goggles.
Also, Diane’s voice is so soothing. The whole book felt like a warm hug, or sitting on a mother’s lap. Her compassion deeply shines through. Honestly, I think this was my favorite part. I am so grateful for her. 💜
The main take-home for me was the idea of “coherence” — this total attunement that some part of me has been deeply longing for my whole life, consistently disappointed with poor coherence in all of my relationships, but no vocabulary to name it.
I also really loved Diane’s embodied exercises. My eyes usually ended up brimming with tears, as I imagined the secure scenarios and visualizations that she guided me through. I particularly loved the “welcome to the world” exercise, which stirred so much of my own early childhood grief around feeling unwelcome. I also loved the “gleam beams” (kind eyes) visualizations. Doing these I felt so much warmth, and such a taste of what life could feel like when I’m not looking out through trauma goggles.
Also, Diane’s voice is so soothing. The whole book felt like a warm hug, or sitting on a mother’s lap. Her compassion deeply shines through. Honestly, I think this was my favorite part. I am so grateful for her. 💜
October 18, 2018
Not exactly a self help book. More like a personal seminar in applied psychology. And the author is totally jazzed by her subject, if more therapists had her zeal and depth of knowledge, it'd be a different world.
June 15, 2022
I got this to follow up Self Therapy by Jay Early.
Perhaps it was a tough act to follow.
But I was underwhelmed.
It’s a Sounds True title, so I was expecting more guided meditations/experiential exercises.
This program was almost entirely didactic.
If you’re pretty new to attachment theory and you want to learn more. This may be a great option for you.
For me.
I think it is a case of bad timing.
3/5 😕
Perhaps it was a tough act to follow.
But I was underwhelmed.
It’s a Sounds True title, so I was expecting more guided meditations/experiential exercises.
This program was almost entirely didactic.
If you’re pretty new to attachment theory and you want to learn more. This may be a great option for you.
For me.
I think it is a case of bad timing.
3/5 😕
October 8, 2018
I love this book so much. It has been a very powerful force in my own healing, and in the healing of my relationships. I listen to it again and again to receive more of its wisdom. It is a compassionate approach and the neuroscience is fascinating!
May 25, 2020
Solid review of attachment theory with many examples within relationships and explanations of an individual's CNS along with strategies to respond to different situations that more towards secure attachment. Felt like a therapist giving a lecture/workshop.
Some interesting concepts/quotes:
- we need to be in attunement at least 20% of the time in relationships. No one is perfect, there is wiggle room here.
- practice repair, which builds our relationship resiliency, and helps keep us in attachment.
- "we develop the capacity for independence...we develop the capacity for dependence... and that gives us this increased capacity for interdependence."
- practice noticing and receiving 1% more connection.
- there are some benefits to insecure attachment types with regards to survival. Ex. Avoidant is good with limiter resources to survive alone in harsh circumstances.
- "Secure folks don't have any particular behavior pattern or personality or appearance, they just have this capacity for connection."
- ambivalence: 'they pick a fight when really they just want a hug, but they're too stressed.'
Some interesting concepts/quotes:
- we need to be in attunement at least 20% of the time in relationships. No one is perfect, there is wiggle room here.
- practice repair, which builds our relationship resiliency, and helps keep us in attachment.
- "we develop the capacity for independence...we develop the capacity for dependence... and that gives us this increased capacity for interdependence."
- practice noticing and receiving 1% more connection.
- there are some benefits to insecure attachment types with regards to survival. Ex. Avoidant is good with limiter resources to survive alone in harsh circumstances.
- "Secure folks don't have any particular behavior pattern or personality or appearance, they just have this capacity for connection."
- ambivalence: 'they pick a fight when really they just want a hug, but they're too stressed.'
June 14, 2020
This book helped me understand my pain and hesitancy around relationships. It was a welcome tool in the midst of navigating a painful breakup. I felt seen and heard, yet still challenged to grow beyond my mold. I want Diane Poole Heller to coach my life.
August 21, 2019
One of THE most phenomenal audios that I have ever listened to on connection, and striving for the healthiest relationships possible. It’s amazingly deep, respectful, and compassionate. Diane Poole Heller really shows not only where we might be coming from (and what style of hangups we might have embodied in earliest childhood), but how to move towards the most secure of attachments. I will definitely be keeping this favourite close, especially when I start dating again.
December 18, 2020
Truly a life changing book for anyone who has either experienced childhood trauma, or even just childhood stressors. Particularly neglect or abuse. I’ve been recommending it to just about everyone because everyone I know has experienced attachment wounds in childhood. It’s sadly super common for a lot of reasons. Grateful for books and people like these.
February 3, 2026
Absolute 5 stars. I'd recommend this book for learning the basics of attachment theory and how healing can look for you and for others. It pin points how to recognize different attachment styles in others around you and how to support them in their attachment style. Its clear and concise, and would make such a great starting point to learning about these topics.
July 17, 2023
Honestly at first the author's voice drove me crazy. That probably has more to do with the speed I had it on than her. I forced myself to finish it and learned a lot. I definitely think I need to read/listen to it again.
December 12, 2021
Excellent book if you are serious about your own self-improvement and unraveling your "ish" in order to truly be a better version of yourself and have stronger, healthier relationships
April 29, 2026
Great read book is based off of attachment theory some good tidbits, definitely worth the time
January 3, 2020
This audiobook read like a PESI conference. I was displeased with the depth she went into about working with clients with various attachment styles. I also felt she down played the distress between individuals with insecure attachment. She made them sound so malleable and willing to make changes to their lives and in my experience, that has not been the case. She also downplayed the pain these people cause in their relationships. I do give her kudos for not stating one she run from a relationship with someone with disorganized or avoidant attachment, like other books. Obviously, I’m anxiously attached and need more validation about how difficult it is when dealing with avoidant and disorganized attachment style. 🤪
June 5, 2020
Good content, and I liked that there were actionable steps outlined in this one. For anyone new to attachment theory, I think this would be a great resource, as it outlines the different types of attachment, possible reasons a person may tend toward one style over another, and for those with insecure attachment styles there are good tips on working toward secure attachment.
Overall a good listen, my only complaint is that I was hoping it would be more in-depth. I have read a few other books on attachment theory, and while this one is good I didn't feel as though I learned much. I think it's geared more toward those who haven't had much prior exposure to the subject.
Overall a good listen, my only complaint is that I was hoping it would be more in-depth. I have read a few other books on attachment theory, and while this one is good I didn't feel as though I learned much. I think it's geared more toward those who haven't had much prior exposure to the subject.
May 12, 2021
We read so much about what is wrong with us and much of it can feel shaming. Even personality testing can feel shaming. However, in reading this Audible book, Diane Poole Heller is amazingly gracious and kind in her approach. Her voice is great to listen to, for one. But beyond this, her ideas are hopeful, expansive, and research-based. I am already re-reading this book.
January 13, 2022
So much of what I do in relationships makes more sense now, wow! Doing the exercises was really effective and I’m going to take it a step further and write words of encouragement based on what I experienced in the exercises to the people I want healthier attachments with. This shows me where I need to be more aware as a parent as well.
May 22, 2023
An exceptional read! For anyone who is working through their attachment wounds or is curious about the way attachment plays out in relationships, I can't recommend this enough. Easy to read and digest, many tips throughout and ways to repair attachment and restore hope. I enjoyed the experiential exercises of building inner resources.
September 11, 2023
Healing from a relationship perspective
I believe one of the first steps, loving someone to love yourself. The low of yourself comes from knowledge and a desire to understand. This book is essential to understanding the type of relationships you’re used to. If you want to live healthier this is a great place to start.
I believe one of the first steps, loving someone to love yourself. The low of yourself comes from knowledge and a desire to understand. This book is essential to understanding the type of relationships you’re used to. If you want to live healthier this is a great place to start.
May 19, 2020
This is outstanding, it’s like having a long private therapy session with Diane Poole Heller. I’ve listened to this at least 4 or 5 times and I get something new out of it every time. This should be a prerequisite for dating.
April 6, 2021
This book literally changed my life- it helped me to understand myself better and in such gave me freedom from destructive patterns of thinking and behaviour by helping me to see the why. Recommended by my therapist.
January 28, 2024
One of the more important, wonderful, non-fiction books I’ve read.
Just trust that it’s a good thing that it is in audio format only. It feels like an intimate, real therapy session or 1:1 seminar with the author, and the concepts - like those in a good therapy session - can be life changing.
Just trust that it’s a good thing that it is in audio format only. It feels like an intimate, real therapy session or 1:1 seminar with the author, and the concepts - like those in a good therapy session - can be life changing.
April 12, 2023
I appreciate how she broke down each attachment style, and spent time speaking about Disorganized attachment (which tends to be skimmed over by others who cover attachment styles). She has such compassion, and attunement to what goes on in the experience of people from each attachment style.
November 20, 2023
The best take away of this book is that we all have the ability to love securely. That it’s innate to our being. And trauma causes us to become insecure, but we can find our way back. Never heard of AT in this lens and it’s very encouraging on the healing journey
September 13, 2018
Audiobook.
September 11, 2019
Really loved this. I’ll be referring back to this with my work with patients. Definitely recommend for clinicians and as a self-help book
July 2, 2019
This is my 2nd listen. Really excellent, insightful, and helpful audio.
November 27, 2019
An engaging, practical and insightful book on Attachement.
January 31, 2020
Did the audio book. Good overview of attachment theory and how it manifests in adult relationships.
February 1, 2020
Did not really relate deeply, may have to read again, but it did help me understand the behaviour of the people around me better.
February 4, 2020
Helpful for those working with trauma and attachment
Displaying 1 - 30 of 51 reviews