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Living From The Heart Jesus Gave You: 15th Anniversary Study Edition
The Life Model is a unifying approach to ministries of counseling, recovery, pastoral care, prayer ministry, deliverance, inner healing, child rearing, body life and health. Substance abuse recovery programs internationally are guided by the Life Model's five principles. Because the Life Model develops strong maturity, it is widely used as a church model, particularly where people must face suffering. Missions have adopted the Life Model for restoring hurt missionary children. Almost every major ministry dealing with trauma and abuse in the USA uses the Life Model as part of their teaching. This new version now includes study questions at the end of each chapter as well as many other bonuses. Written by James Friesen, E James Wilder, Anne Bierling, Rick Koepcke, and Maribeth Poole.
233 pages, Kindle Edition
Published December 21, 2017
225 people are currently reading
317 people want to read
About the author
E. James Wilder
23 books28 followersThis author is also published under the pen name Jim Wilder.
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Displaying 1 - 24 of 24 reviews
August 29, 2025
This presents an integral model to psycho-spiritual healing. The main theme is that "trauma", of which there are two types (A. lack of love and care, B. things that should not happen), acts as an obstacle to maturity. Addictions are a failure to reach adult-level maturity. Healing comes from loving relationships that strengthen and help joy grow, at every level.
Maturity can be conceived as the ever-expansion of joy throughout our whole being from the personal (infant, child) to the interpersonal (adult), familial (parent), and community (elder) levels. Our being of joy comes to grow and integrate all these spheres, similar to the recapitulatory conception of Christ's incarnation, which comes to reconcile the whole cosmos to His person.
The process of maturity and growing into joy is never-ending. This, to me, converges with Saint Gregory of Nyssa's epektasis (the eternal progress of the soul) and theosis. It is also interesting that it is reflected in brain science:
"While most of the brain stops growing at certain stages of development, the brain's 'joy center', located in the right orbital prefrontal cortex, is the only section of the brain that never loses its capacity to grow! It is the one section of the brain that retains the ability to grow for our entire lives, which means that 'joy strength' can always continue to develop!" (p.35)
Even the process the "returning to joy" seems to me reminiscent of the Neoplatonic "epistrophe", the third and last moment of emanation/creation. When someone "returns" to joy, they have integrated the negative experience (procession) in a healthy and orderly way and come to be more "whole".
One thing I think the book gets wrong, though, is the characterization of sarx (the flesh) and how we were not meant to distinguish good and evil. The Fathers clearly teach that the fruit was meant to be received by humanity, but at the appropriate time (kairos).
Maturity can be conceived as the ever-expansion of joy throughout our whole being from the personal (infant, child) to the interpersonal (adult), familial (parent), and community (elder) levels. Our being of joy comes to grow and integrate all these spheres, similar to the recapitulatory conception of Christ's incarnation, which comes to reconcile the whole cosmos to His person.
The process of maturity and growing into joy is never-ending. This, to me, converges with Saint Gregory of Nyssa's epektasis (the eternal progress of the soul) and theosis. It is also interesting that it is reflected in brain science:
"While most of the brain stops growing at certain stages of development, the brain's 'joy center', located in the right orbital prefrontal cortex, is the only section of the brain that never loses its capacity to grow! It is the one section of the brain that retains the ability to grow for our entire lives, which means that 'joy strength' can always continue to develop!" (p.35)
Even the process the "returning to joy" seems to me reminiscent of the Neoplatonic "epistrophe", the third and last moment of emanation/creation. When someone "returns" to joy, they have integrated the negative experience (procession) in a healthy and orderly way and come to be more "whole".
One thing I think the book gets wrong, though, is the characterization of sarx (the flesh) and how we were not meant to distinguish good and evil. The Fathers clearly teach that the fruit was meant to be received by humanity, but at the appropriate time (kairos).
July 12, 2023
Written by a “neurotheologian” Jim Wilder. Very rarely do you see brain science and Biblical truth paired so beautifully. This book helped me understand how our brains function based on our stories and childhoods. It also gives tools to help “mature” your brain and identify and live out of what the Lord puts in our hearts. Loved it
August 31, 2024
A must read for church leaders and attendees alike. Embracing these concepts would be a game changer to the way we live out our faith in community with others.
October 17, 2022
Poorly written and organized book that undermines potential good thoughts on connecting modern therapy with spiritual and hones relationships. Essentially, therapy must be walked out in practice through both relational commitments and the Gospel.
I’m sure there is more to this but the very disjointed structure of the book and surface -level Biblical wisdom of many pertinent thoughts leaves much to be desired.
I’m sure there is more to this but the very disjointed structure of the book and surface -level Biblical wisdom of many pertinent thoughts leaves much to be desired.
August 31, 2025
Hi, I’m a marriage and family therapist, and this is the worst book I’ve ever read.
To give some credit, I do appreciate the authors’ understanding of social involvement being a necessary step in healing and growth. In this hyper-individualistic age, we need each other now more than ever to become our full selves in community.
Chapter 1 had a great idea in the form of Type A trauma and Type B trauma, which mapped onto my understanding of “capital-T Trauma” and “lowercase-T trauma.” To my chagrin, I would later come to see the author’s understanding as a needless division within the realm of attachment traumas (i.e., there’s no interaction with PTSD). I had other issues too, as I didn’t agree entirely with the authors’ portrayal of counseling. It felt off.
Chapter 2 was worse. I found their stage theory to be too simplistic, too broad, and too heteronormative, offering no insight for people who do not wed and do not have kids. (The rest of the book might resolve this last issue, however, as spiritual adoption is discussed.)
Chapter 3. Where do I even begin? I have genuinely never read anything as terrible as this. It admonishes dissociation, a symptom of PTSD, as a cure for the disorder. It claims the joyful experience zone of the brain, previously explained as located in the right prefrontal cortex, is in the bonding part of the brain, which is the hypothalamus and amygdala, not the PFC. Bonus points will be awarded to readers who know that the hypothalamus and amygdala develop early in life, while the PFC is one of the last parts of the brain to develop, not finishing until around the age of 25. The authors also claim the brain is naturally wired for joy, which goes against the doctrine of original sin and ignores that joy is the fruit of the Spirit and thusly something bestowed upon us. And then we take a nose dive when one of the authors claims they conducted a study with a mere 102 Christian therapist and suggests that the evidence “indicates very strongly” his conclusion, which isn’t important (p. 101). What is important is that the author blows clear past the concerns of a small and potentially unrepresentative sample size to present something as truth. Oh, and the respondents confessed to praying aloud and exorcising demons in therapy sessions. The cool thing about that lil tidbit is that those actions are not therapeutic, and if any licensed therapist did that, they’d get fired.
Chapter 4 on through to the end was a blur of indifference, as Chapter 3 had thrown away any goodwill I could have remaining for this book. Here are some final observations.
- I don’t think this book is helpful for licensed therapists. Maybe biblical counselors can get something from this, but that’s outside my scope of competency.
- The strict boundaries in therapeutic settings are fully intentional, and the authors seem to neither fully understand this nor follow these ethics, with one author recounting the time they were definitely violating boundaries but was convinced that all her colleagues were wrong and listening to the “sark.”
- Between the heteronormativity throughout and the out-of-place references to AIDS, I’m pretty sure the authors of this book are homophobic, a stance that is not allowed in the mental health counseling community.
- I still cannot believe that these authors present dissociation as a resolution to PTSD.
- At one point they say, “Paul put it this way:” but then proceeded to paraphrase Paul, which means they actually put it their way, not Paul’s way (p. 71)
- Some of this book can be salvaged and might prove helpful, but just know that chapter 3 is beyond recovery.
- Mental illness and demon possession are not always the same thing. I think that’s obvious, but I’m not sure the authors would agree.
- The authors also probably wouldn’t agree with healthy boundaries, and there are a few times in the book that boundaries are violated in unhealthy ways.
- I know this book was initially published in 1999, so maybe that’s part of the reason I disagree with so much, but this is the 2016 reprint, which is why I find its mistakes unforgivable.
- The notion of heart vs. sark is troublesome, as it functions as an escape to any and all disagreements. “Oh, you disagree with me on something? Well, I know I’m listening to my heart, so you must be listening to your sin nature.”
I hope to never interact with this book again.
To give some credit, I do appreciate the authors’ understanding of social involvement being a necessary step in healing and growth. In this hyper-individualistic age, we need each other now more than ever to become our full selves in community.
Chapter 1 had a great idea in the form of Type A trauma and Type B trauma, which mapped onto my understanding of “capital-T Trauma” and “lowercase-T trauma.” To my chagrin, I would later come to see the author’s understanding as a needless division within the realm of attachment traumas (i.e., there’s no interaction with PTSD). I had other issues too, as I didn’t agree entirely with the authors’ portrayal of counseling. It felt off.
Chapter 2 was worse. I found their stage theory to be too simplistic, too broad, and too heteronormative, offering no insight for people who do not wed and do not have kids. (The rest of the book might resolve this last issue, however, as spiritual adoption is discussed.)
Chapter 3. Where do I even begin? I have genuinely never read anything as terrible as this. It admonishes dissociation, a symptom of PTSD, as a cure for the disorder. It claims the joyful experience zone of the brain, previously explained as located in the right prefrontal cortex, is in the bonding part of the brain, which is the hypothalamus and amygdala, not the PFC. Bonus points will be awarded to readers who know that the hypothalamus and amygdala develop early in life, while the PFC is one of the last parts of the brain to develop, not finishing until around the age of 25. The authors also claim the brain is naturally wired for joy, which goes against the doctrine of original sin and ignores that joy is the fruit of the Spirit and thusly something bestowed upon us. And then we take a nose dive when one of the authors claims they conducted a study with a mere 102 Christian therapist and suggests that the evidence “indicates very strongly” his conclusion, which isn’t important (p. 101). What is important is that the author blows clear past the concerns of a small and potentially unrepresentative sample size to present something as truth. Oh, and the respondents confessed to praying aloud and exorcising demons in therapy sessions. The cool thing about that lil tidbit is that those actions are not therapeutic, and if any licensed therapist did that, they’d get fired.
Chapter 4 on through to the end was a blur of indifference, as Chapter 3 had thrown away any goodwill I could have remaining for this book. Here are some final observations.
- I don’t think this book is helpful for licensed therapists. Maybe biblical counselors can get something from this, but that’s outside my scope of competency.
- The strict boundaries in therapeutic settings are fully intentional, and the authors seem to neither fully understand this nor follow these ethics, with one author recounting the time they were definitely violating boundaries but was convinced that all her colleagues were wrong and listening to the “sark.”
- Between the heteronormativity throughout and the out-of-place references to AIDS, I’m pretty sure the authors of this book are homophobic, a stance that is not allowed in the mental health counseling community.
- I still cannot believe that these authors present dissociation as a resolution to PTSD.
- At one point they say, “Paul put it this way:” but then proceeded to paraphrase Paul, which means they actually put it their way, not Paul’s way (p. 71)
- Some of this book can be salvaged and might prove helpful, but just know that chapter 3 is beyond recovery.
- Mental illness and demon possession are not always the same thing. I think that’s obvious, but I’m not sure the authors would agree.
- The authors also probably wouldn’t agree with healthy boundaries, and there are a few times in the book that boundaries are violated in unhealthy ways.
- I know this book was initially published in 1999, so maybe that’s part of the reason I disagree with so much, but this is the 2016 reprint, which is why I find its mistakes unforgivable.
- The notion of heart vs. sark is troublesome, as it functions as an escape to any and all disagreements. “Oh, you disagree with me on something? Well, I know I’m listening to my heart, so you must be listening to your sin nature.”
I hope to never interact with this book again.
September 21, 2020
This book is a must-read for anyone who is serious about understanding discipleship and spiritual growth and maturity. It will open readers into a way of understanding how trauma impacts and hampers growth by creating gaps in the spiritual maturity stages of a person. There is in-depth explanations of the various stages of growth and the accompanying needs at both the personal and community levels, and likely issues when these needs go unmet. The explanations of wholeness, belonging and understanding the heart (especially how the heart understands truth) are insightful and will help anyone interested in discipleship to round out a great understanding of how people grow and why some don't.
June 3, 2024
I don't agree with everything in this book and honestly don't know that I understood everything, even by the end, because some of the terminology used wasn't thoroughly or clearly defined.
But generally speaking, it was a thought-provoking read that offered a refreshing perspective to some complicated issues and helped me think through things more by approaching them from a different POV.
I listened on audiobook, so would like to look closer to give it a more discerning read-over, but also because it seemed like it might have some helpful charts and supplement materials to examine.
But generally speaking, it was a thought-provoking read that offered a refreshing perspective to some complicated issues and helped me think through things more by approaching them from a different POV.
I listened on audiobook, so would like to look closer to give it a more discerning read-over, but also because it seemed like it might have some helpful charts and supplement materials to examine.
June 18, 2024
This book is a must read for Christian counselors and any church pastor, who desires to actually help his/her congregation grow in maturity. If there were more churches--with he help of counselors-- focused on guiding individuals through the stages of maturity explained in this book, rather that getting more bodies in seats, that would be a good thing.
Unfortunately, I can't yet give this book 5 stars because I am not at a place of emotional health and maturity to use much of what is offered myself. Perhaps, someday. And, then I might reread this book and update my review.
Unfortunately, I can't yet give this book 5 stars because I am not at a place of emotional health and maturity to use much of what is offered myself. Perhaps, someday. And, then I might reread this book and update my review.
July 19, 2025
What you learn and gain from this book will rely highly upon your own willingness to engage honestly with yourself and ideally a small group of trusted friends, to reflect thoughtfully on your life experiences and see how they have shaped you to give and receive the way that you do. With this knowledge, you can grow in your maturity and be of more service to others in the specific ways that your experiences have lent you.
May 27, 2018
This book and Rare Leadership are the best books I have read this year in terms of life-change. They require several readings because of the amount of information, which, coupled with exercises from other books of his, have resulted in a deeper connection with jesus at a level that is hard to explain with words.
July 25, 2020
Must read if you feel lost or broken!
I was lead to this book by the Holy spirit as I asked what is wrong with me and how can I be more mature. This book answers so many questions and offers so much hope. Highly recommend!
I was lead to this book by the Holy spirit as I asked what is wrong with me and how can I be more mature. This book answers so many questions and offers so much hope. Highly recommend!
May 2, 2022
Life changing! I read this book and had a weekly online zoom call with others to discuss, which was so good! The lessons I learned here were life changing and helped me get through an area I felt stuck in after a very difficult 5 year season in my life. God restored my joy and I am grateful!
July 16, 2023
Joy is fundamental
The community that understands the capacity for joy will recognize joy as fundamental to all human growth.
This book clearly interprets the brain research work of Dr Alan Schore into personal application and brain restoration. A MUST READ
The community that understands the capacity for joy will recognize joy as fundamental to all human growth.
This book clearly interprets the brain research work of Dr Alan Schore into personal application and brain restoration. A MUST READ
August 12, 2025
I have mixed feelings about this book. While the content is good, the presentation is lacking. The charts are more valuable than the written portions in describing the Life Model which the book presents.
October 26, 2019
One of the very best and most influential books I have ever read! It’s a must read!
November 25, 2019
This book has changed me forever...
February 15, 2024
worth several read throughs! I've also enjoyed the seminars on "the Life Model" that are online for free.
https://lifemodelworks.org/53fg18543t...
https://lifemodelworks.org/53fg18543t...
February 24, 2025
3.5 stars
March 5, 2025
a very interesting point of view on the concept of psychology.
April 27, 2025
I thought it might be overly dry and analytical but it ended up being surprisingly easy to read and understand. I think pretty much anyone in church leadership would benefit from reading this.
December 24, 2023
There is some excellent content in this book, but it is written very badly. It reads a bit like an advertisement for other materials created organizations that were inspired by Shepards House including THRIVE and JoyStream. This book is built from the assumption that humans are made to be in loving relationships with each other. We learn about what love is very early in our lives. The theory of attachment styles describes four modalities than people can adopt when it comes to forming relationship.
People progress through a series of stages related to their ability to receive and give love and manage themselves to return to homostatis after being disrupted. Each stage requires the previous one to be masters.
Deprivation and trauma will arrest a person's natural progression of growth. The Model's solution to this is for the person to heal these wounds in the context of healthy relations and to then continue in their growth. It has been noted some of the stages which last more than ten years in youth, can be mastered in less than a year by a motivated adult who is processing past wounds and purposely developing healthy life strategies.
The book suggests that insights can be learn from neuroscience. While the content doesn't contradict what we are learning from neuroscience, it sometimes has a superficial understanding of the science.
People progress through a series of stages related to their ability to receive and give love and manage themselves to return to homostatis after being disrupted. Each stage requires the previous one to be masters.
Deprivation and trauma will arrest a person's natural progression of growth. The Model's solution to this is for the person to heal these wounds in the context of healthy relations and to then continue in their growth. It has been noted some of the stages which last more than ten years in youth, can be mastered in less than a year by a motivated adult who is processing past wounds and purposely developing healthy life strategies.
The book suggests that insights can be learn from neuroscience. While the content doesn't contradict what we are learning from neuroscience, it sometimes has a superficial understanding of the science.
December 30, 2021
“The Life Model: Living from the Heart Jesus Gave You”
By James Friesen, Dr. E. James Wilder et al, provides descriptions of emotional maturity levels from infant to community elder, as well as descriptions of what an individual needs to receive from their community in order to achieve each of those levels of maturity. I believe the five levels of emotional maturity are infant, child, adult, parent, and elder. It is an absolutely amazing book with assessment charts in the appendices. Excellent for individuals to work through with their counselor, therapist or as a small fellowship group of friends that wants to grow together. I could write so much more and I hope to get to find opportunity to.
By James Friesen, Dr. E. James Wilder et al, provides descriptions of emotional maturity levels from infant to community elder, as well as descriptions of what an individual needs to receive from their community in order to achieve each of those levels of maturity. I believe the five levels of emotional maturity are infant, child, adult, parent, and elder. It is an absolutely amazing book with assessment charts in the appendices. Excellent for individuals to work through with their counselor, therapist or as a small fellowship group of friends that wants to grow together. I could write so much more and I hope to get to find opportunity to.
January 15, 2019
Excellent and challenging. Though not a large book it does take some time to read and digest. The book is full of concepts that tend to challenge the traditional way of looking at Christian spirituality.
July 26, 2023
A must read for every person.
Belonging. Maturity. Wholeness. Recovery from trauma. Cooperating with how the brain works puts all of this within reach for us.
Belonging. Maturity. Wholeness. Recovery from trauma. Cooperating with how the brain works puts all of this within reach for us.
Displaying 1 - 24 of 24 reviews