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You Have the Right to Remain Fat
Growing up as a fat girl, Virgie Tovar believed that her body was something to be fixed. But after two decades of dieting and constant guilt, she was over it―and gave herself the freedom to trust her own body again. Ever since, she’s been helping others to do the same. Tovar is hungry for a world where bodies are valued equally, food is free from moral judgment, and you can jiggle through life with respect. In concise and candid language, she delves into unlearning fatphobia, dismantling sexist notions of fashion, and how to reject diet culture’s greatest lie: that fat people need to wait before beginning their best lives.
136 pages, Paperback
First published August 14, 2018
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5388 people want to read
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May 13, 2022
Oh I loved this book. With confident and clear prose, Virgie Tovar writes about the sexist damage caused by diet culture and fatphobia as well as the importance and power of fat liberation. She does an excellent job of integrating memoir, cultural critique, and digestible bits of research to build both our interest in the topic and her argument for more radical body positivity. She writes about her prior struggles with dieting and body image in a way that felt engaging and also empathy-eliciting, and at the same time Tovar’s self-assured voice gives this slim book a lot of punch and impact.
One element I appreciated about You Have the Right to Remain Fat in particular is Tovar’s centering of social justice and politics in her writing about body size and diet culture. She explicitly names how oftentimes for heterosexual women (and in my opinion, with gay men too) so much time is spent focusing on how to be attractive to men because of how our society propagates romance as an essential part of the human experience (bleh) – which directly services and benefits the patriarchy. Tovar aptly critiques the mainstream body positivity movement for centering cis white women and for trying to increase fat people’s aesthetic appeal, instead of burning down the intersecting forces of sexism/femmephobia, racism, and classism that create fatphobia in the first place. She calls out “health”-related messaging too that often acts as a guise for promoting weight loss in a repackaged yet ultimately still harmful way.
Would highly recommend this book to everyone, and I so enjoyed Tovar’s incisive and intelligent writing about doing away with dieting and working toward fat liberation. On a personal note, I think so much of that Tovar writes about applies to queer men, albeit in different ways. I’m moving in a couple of weeks and I visited the area where I’ll be moving to this past weekend with a close friend. I made the interesting choice to go on Grindr and was immediately like, omg, the level of body shame, fatphobia, and femmephobia – not to mention racism – on this app is disgusting and sad. Reading this book helped me feel even more grateful that I literally don’t care about if any man finds me attractive nor do I care about ever dating a man, qualities that have aided me in appreciating my body for what it can do instead of how it looks, so I can focus on cultivating a life based on my values and not on appearance. Anyway, I hope more people read this book and internalize its messages!
One element I appreciated about You Have the Right to Remain Fat in particular is Tovar’s centering of social justice and politics in her writing about body size and diet culture. She explicitly names how oftentimes for heterosexual women (and in my opinion, with gay men too) so much time is spent focusing on how to be attractive to men because of how our society propagates romance as an essential part of the human experience (bleh) – which directly services and benefits the patriarchy. Tovar aptly critiques the mainstream body positivity movement for centering cis white women and for trying to increase fat people’s aesthetic appeal, instead of burning down the intersecting forces of sexism/femmephobia, racism, and classism that create fatphobia in the first place. She calls out “health”-related messaging too that often acts as a guise for promoting weight loss in a repackaged yet ultimately still harmful way.
Would highly recommend this book to everyone, and I so enjoyed Tovar’s incisive and intelligent writing about doing away with dieting and working toward fat liberation. On a personal note, I think so much of that Tovar writes about applies to queer men, albeit in different ways. I’m moving in a couple of weeks and I visited the area where I’ll be moving to this past weekend with a close friend. I made the interesting choice to go on Grindr and was immediately like, omg, the level of body shame, fatphobia, and femmephobia – not to mention racism – on this app is disgusting and sad. Reading this book helped me feel even more grateful that I literally don’t care about if any man finds me attractive nor do I care about ever dating a man, qualities that have aided me in appreciating my body for what it can do instead of how it looks, so I can focus on cultivating a life based on my values and not on appearance. Anyway, I hope more people read this book and internalize its messages!
August 22, 2018
It’s said that you shouldn‘t judge a book by its cover, or its size, rather, in this case (no pun intended). Nevertheless: a very small, very thin book with large letters about a topic of massive controversy and relevance, well that’s a challenge. I wish Tovar had succeeded in this regard, but she didn’t, and to be honest, knowing her agenda before reading it, this didn’t come as a big surprise. To start with the positive, there is without any doubt some true and relevant content in this little book. For example when Tovar writes “Stop. Stop being terrified of fatness. Stop marginalizing fat people […] Every person, regardless of weight or health status deserves a life completely free from bigotry and discrimination”. Yes, and yes again. This is the message, every reasonable and empathetic person could and should sign up for. This is the message that sadly is not conventional wisdom yet. But this is not Tovar’s main imperative. Tovar’s agenda is intersectionality. And every concept about fat discrimination has to fit into it. Diet culture according to Tovar is mainly an invention of white supremacist men, it’s a child of a toxic, racist masculinity, born to control women in every possible regard. There are two main problems I have with this. Intersectionality in itself is a controversial topic. I will not elaborate on this one, since its too large and not my main point of criticism here. Though it should be mentioned that as a strategy it is at best risky to bring up a controversial topic and intertwine it so strongly with an even more controversial one. Nevertheless, the real problems lie in the fact that Tovar makes many claims about the natural world and fails in giving any kind of evidence and that she completely lacks any differentiation between the cultural and political dimensions of “diet culture” or weight issues and the medical ones. The latter she denies without further elaboration, as sadly do most proponents of the “fat acceptance” movement. For example is very questionable, that “diet culture” was ever strategically “invented” since, again, from the perspective of evolutionary psychology or anthropology we have rather reason to believe it developed from our desire to mate with “healthy” partners (and that might indeed have different meanings to different cultures). Not to say those are the facts but a book on that topic at least should discuss the whole picture. As for health the only point Tovar makes is a hint at the ‘minority stress model’. Indeed stress seems to worsen on a statistical scale the health of people, who face discrimination. But instead of producing the same symptoms in all oppressed people as a single cause, it rather causes unhealthy behavior of the oppressed and worsens existing conditions (the classic example is the exposure to HIV infections). The mountain of evidence for causal health problems produced by excess weight (whatever that is, indeed it is worth discussing!) doesn’t exist in the world Tovar paints here. It’s a world with a massive ideological superstructure and tiny feet on a mainly non existent ground (reality).
It’s no surprise that all the praises for the book come from within the bubble of ‘fat acceptance’ subculture, Tovar is part of. A message that so consequently ignores fundamental realities will never make it into the mainstream, what is a tragedy because the topic of fat stigma is still underrepresented in literature.
It’s no surprise that all the praises for the book come from within the bubble of ‘fat acceptance’ subculture, Tovar is part of. A message that so consequently ignores fundamental realities will never make it into the mainstream, what is a tragedy because the topic of fat stigma is still underrepresented in literature.
February 16, 2019
The solution to a problem like bigotry is not to do everything in our power to accommodate the bigotry. It is to get rid of the bigotry
Virgie Tovar destroys this shit. Call her when you’re unsure of yourself, read her words when you forget how to be, and thank fuck that she exists to call out my skinny privilege.
Because you can’t find self-love by walking a path paved by self-hatred.
Virgie Tovar destroys this shit. Call her when you’re unsure of yourself, read her words when you forget how to be, and thank fuck that she exists to call out my skinny privilege.
Because you can’t find self-love by walking a path paved by self-hatred.
February 20, 2019
Absolutely transformative. I borrowed this teeny-tiny book from the library and read it over the course of a couple hours, but it had a huge impact on me and I’m still mulling over everything I learned. Virgie Tovar is a super smart writer, and this book is the perfect balance of academic and accessible. She puts words to thoughts I’ve had for years but never knew how to articulate. I especially love how she explains the connection between patriarchal values and fatphobia. This book would be a good companion to Shrill: Notes from a Loud Woman by Lindy West, which I read a couple years ago and still think about. Highly, highly recommended!
August 13, 2021
I absolutely hated this book and only read 75/whatever pages there were
Apparently dieting is the cause of fat phobia. This book is utter bull crap. I've been fat and I have a sibling who is fat. Dieting is a tool in reaching a more appropriate body weight. No one says you need to be skinny in order to be beautiful. What you see on TV is utter crap. Plus fat isn't truly defined. Some people of the same weight can distribute their fat differently which can complicate things and how they and others view them. Not like what others think truly matters unless it truly hurts said person's health.
The author talks about juicing as a weight remedy, which is a lie. I've never heard that. If anything I hear people claim it's a way to detox the body and often times used by people who are already slim. But if a fat person was to juice its bound to lead to weight loss since the amount of calories being consumed is going to be a lot less than what they may typically consume. Losing weight usually means burning more calories than you consumed. Therefore less calories from juicing is going to lead to weight loss but not because it's juicing primary goal but because you're taking in less than the body needs to function.
Plus Who has called being fat a mental illness? Where is this lady getting her info?
This lady just said fat and thin, straight and gay are categories created to control people. Not at all. They're are categories created to identify people. If you truly don't want to be skinny you don't have to. I'm not for being super skinny nor super fat. The issue I think Virgie Tovar runs into is the fact that she doesn't really identify what fat is. Are we identifying it by the BMI (flawed system) or how someone looks (flawed also since it is subjective and varies across races.)?
Seems like Virgie has had a bad experience and because she doesn't want to lose weight, she wants to push a very bad narrative that could lead to a lot of unhealthy people. Also Her visit to her doctor at a young age meant she went to a bad doctor especially since the doctors incentive for her to lose weight was allowing her to date their son, which is quite inappropriate. Like Wtf.
If you don't want to lose weight because you don't want to but because of others you're truly going to fail. You can never succeed at something if it's not done for your own personal reasons. The same can be applied to students who major in degrees their parents suggest or take careers they never wanted. They lose interest or hope and fail at what they had wanted to achieve all along.
I truly think that instead of talking about how fat phobic people are, the author should have written the book from a different perspective. Maybe focusing on why being fat for her, to a certain extent, helped her esteem and how you can be fat and have confidence but there comes a point where being too fat can lead to a life of obesity (which is the extreme of fat).
Book went on many tangents that really didn't add any substance to the story. Example, the date with her cheating salesman friend. You chose him. You can find guys who won't treat you like shit but you did. So don't blame a whole population for yet another bad experience.
I'm sorry but this book was just all over the place. I support many things such as LGBT, feminism, etc. But this book doesn't really change my views on being fat as a good thing. Be fat to a certain extent but prepare for the complications that may arise. Live your life and I'll live mine. But please don't try to encourage people in being fat. Let's find a middle ground. Average, how about that?
Apparently dieting is the cause of fat phobia. This book is utter bull crap. I've been fat and I have a sibling who is fat. Dieting is a tool in reaching a more appropriate body weight. No one says you need to be skinny in order to be beautiful. What you see on TV is utter crap. Plus fat isn't truly defined. Some people of the same weight can distribute their fat differently which can complicate things and how they and others view them. Not like what others think truly matters unless it truly hurts said person's health.
The author talks about juicing as a weight remedy, which is a lie. I've never heard that. If anything I hear people claim it's a way to detox the body and often times used by people who are already slim. But if a fat person was to juice its bound to lead to weight loss since the amount of calories being consumed is going to be a lot less than what they may typically consume. Losing weight usually means burning more calories than you consumed. Therefore less calories from juicing is going to lead to weight loss but not because it's juicing primary goal but because you're taking in less than the body needs to function.
Plus Who has called being fat a mental illness? Where is this lady getting her info?
This lady just said fat and thin, straight and gay are categories created to control people. Not at all. They're are categories created to identify people. If you truly don't want to be skinny you don't have to. I'm not for being super skinny nor super fat. The issue I think Virgie Tovar runs into is the fact that she doesn't really identify what fat is. Are we identifying it by the BMI (flawed system) or how someone looks (flawed also since it is subjective and varies across races.)?
Seems like Virgie has had a bad experience and because she doesn't want to lose weight, she wants to push a very bad narrative that could lead to a lot of unhealthy people. Also Her visit to her doctor at a young age meant she went to a bad doctor especially since the doctors incentive for her to lose weight was allowing her to date their son, which is quite inappropriate. Like Wtf.
If you don't want to lose weight because you don't want to but because of others you're truly going to fail. You can never succeed at something if it's not done for your own personal reasons. The same can be applied to students who major in degrees their parents suggest or take careers they never wanted. They lose interest or hope and fail at what they had wanted to achieve all along.
I truly think that instead of talking about how fat phobic people are, the author should have written the book from a different perspective. Maybe focusing on why being fat for her, to a certain extent, helped her esteem and how you can be fat and have confidence but there comes a point where being too fat can lead to a life of obesity (which is the extreme of fat).
Book went on many tangents that really didn't add any substance to the story. Example, the date with her cheating salesman friend. You chose him. You can find guys who won't treat you like shit but you did. So don't blame a whole population for yet another bad experience.
I'm sorry but this book was just all over the place. I support many things such as LGBT, feminism, etc. But this book doesn't really change my views on being fat as a good thing. Be fat to a certain extent but prepare for the complications that may arise. Live your life and I'll live mine. But please don't try to encourage people in being fat. Let's find a middle ground. Average, how about that?
November 9, 2018
This book was a pleasure to read. Short, sweet and to the point. Virgie was dropping straight facts and education. I love and really resonated with some of the before narratives but most of the after narratives about what it's like to find peace and freedom in embracing yourself, your fat fluffy body and just fucking living and enjoying life. It does take awhile for some people to get to that place and it's hard being continuously discriminated against: being a fat black feminist I know that feeling really well. I love how she broke down the truth. There were so many gems here, I was constantly tweeting about it. Get at me on twitter if you like..
But real talks, this fatphobia shit is straight bigotry and I love the way she lays it out crystal clear and encourages people to accept themselves and live their life now, for today, not for a time when you're thinner, thinking you'll be happier, etc. Do it right now! All that lose-weight/fake-health-concern/be small/docile/pliable shit is misogyny anyway so yeah, throw those concepts away. Be fat. Be happy. Be yourself. Be whole. Be loud. It's great!
I fucks with this book HEAVY and will be recommending it to every big girl and big boy I know in the hopes of spreading unity, solidarity and peace. The information is freeing. Thank you Virgie for writing this!
But real talks, this fatphobia shit is straight bigotry and I love the way she lays it out crystal clear and encourages people to accept themselves and live their life now, for today, not for a time when you're thinner, thinking you'll be happier, etc. Do it right now! All that lose-weight/fake-health-concern/be small/docile/pliable shit is misogyny anyway so yeah, throw those concepts away. Be fat. Be happy. Be yourself. Be whole. Be loud. It's great!
I fucks with this book HEAVY and will be recommending it to every big girl and big boy I know in the hopes of spreading unity, solidarity and peace. The information is freeing. Thank you Virgie for writing this!
April 18, 2020
This is a book every woman AND man should read!
"Growing up as a fat girl, Virgie Tovar believed that her body was something to be fixed. But after two decades of dieting and constant guilt, she was over it―and gave herself the freedom to trust her own body again. Ever since, she’s been helping others to do the same. Tovar is hungry for a world where bodies are valued equally, food is free from moral judgment, and you can jiggle through life with respect. In concise and candid language, she delves into unlearning fatphobia, dismantling sexist notions of fashion, and how to reject diet culture’s greatest lie: that fat people need to wait before beginning their best lives."
"Growing up as a fat girl, Virgie Tovar believed that her body was something to be fixed. But after two decades of dieting and constant guilt, she was over it―and gave herself the freedom to trust her own body again. Ever since, she’s been helping others to do the same. Tovar is hungry for a world where bodies are valued equally, food is free from moral judgment, and you can jiggle through life with respect. In concise and candid language, she delves into unlearning fatphobia, dismantling sexist notions of fashion, and how to reject diet culture’s greatest lie: that fat people need to wait before beginning their best lives."
March 22, 2021
This book is disgusting in a fat jiggling way!
I'm all GO on health and eating for longevity, so my view is already guided to a degree. In saying that, I wanted to see the point of view from a fat person and what possible excuses one would make to eat whatever they want. This book more than delivered on excuses.
Obviously, for those that are overweight and looking for an excuse this book is a road-rage pass to fast food drive-thrus. Just to point out right quickly, if Virgie's message really was "special" and meaningful we would have all the big league fast food corners advertisement her favorite meals at their restaurants, little toy figurines of her fat body would be sold out, just to bring in more customers, because, after all, it's okay to be fat according to Virgie Tovar.
Realistically, Virgie Tovar is probably stupid... like super-duper dumb. She apparently has years of research under her belt and is a professional for being fat that earns her a degree in something or other. Who cares. The message itself is enough to make you think she made all that up to begin with.
Once you study this book and actually think for a second you will realize that she basically opened her diary to the world. The entries are predictable after reading the first 3 or so chapters. Virgie will bring up a topic, speak briefly about it, and then blame anything that has a penis for that topic being a problem in the first place. If she was on the red carpet and Brad Pitt didn't look her way, Virgie would blame it on all the men in the world that Brad Pitt did not ask her out and marry her. She's a needy person that thinks the world is hers and anything that she wants must be a thing that she can have.
This truly is a F()cking diary of a sad person who thinks that because she's fat no one likes her. But you have to be honest when looking at his woman. She's not even brushing up against the 3 on a scale. She shared a story about a boy not wanting to look up her panties in school. It is obvious that he didn't choose that option because you were fat, he clearly did it because of other reasons. What a whore of a story to share by the way. "Oh no, why isn't Stevie looking up my panties. blahahaha." Garbage and misery this girl will bring to people that believe this.
It's sad. A complete Zero (0) of a book. But that's not an option.
Buy and burn it. Make it disappear.
PS: With someone having such an experience on a matter of being fat, why the hell just create a 70 page book. You'd think she'd have an award winning title under her hands with science based facts that strikes a movement for all fat people out there.
Oh yeah, this bull. Now I get. Money = pick a topic that doesn't exist and make money off of it.
I'm all GO on health and eating for longevity, so my view is already guided to a degree. In saying that, I wanted to see the point of view from a fat person and what possible excuses one would make to eat whatever they want. This book more than delivered on excuses.
Obviously, for those that are overweight and looking for an excuse this book is a road-rage pass to fast food drive-thrus. Just to point out right quickly, if Virgie's message really was "special" and meaningful we would have all the big league fast food corners advertisement her favorite meals at their restaurants, little toy figurines of her fat body would be sold out, just to bring in more customers, because, after all, it's okay to be fat according to Virgie Tovar.
Realistically, Virgie Tovar is probably stupid... like super-duper dumb. She apparently has years of research under her belt and is a professional for being fat that earns her a degree in something or other. Who cares. The message itself is enough to make you think she made all that up to begin with.
Once you study this book and actually think for a second you will realize that she basically opened her diary to the world. The entries are predictable after reading the first 3 or so chapters. Virgie will bring up a topic, speak briefly about it, and then blame anything that has a penis for that topic being a problem in the first place. If she was on the red carpet and Brad Pitt didn't look her way, Virgie would blame it on all the men in the world that Brad Pitt did not ask her out and marry her. She's a needy person that thinks the world is hers and anything that she wants must be a thing that she can have.
This truly is a F()cking diary of a sad person who thinks that because she's fat no one likes her. But you have to be honest when looking at his woman. She's not even brushing up against the 3 on a scale. She shared a story about a boy not wanting to look up her panties in school. It is obvious that he didn't choose that option because you were fat, he clearly did it because of other reasons. What a whore of a story to share by the way. "Oh no, why isn't Stevie looking up my panties. blahahaha." Garbage and misery this girl will bring to people that believe this.
It's sad. A complete Zero (0) of a book. But that's not an option.
Buy and burn it. Make it disappear.
PS: With someone having such an experience on a matter of being fat, why the hell just create a 70 page book. You'd think she'd have an award winning title under her hands with science based facts that strikes a movement for all fat people out there.
Oh yeah, this bull. Now I get. Money = pick a topic that doesn't exist and make money off of it.
March 26, 2021
«Nos aterroriza lo que significaría para nosotras estar gordas porque entendemos muy bien lo mal que se trata a la gente gorda. Trasladamos esa intolerancia a la gordura en sí misma, en lugar de ponerla en su contexto: en la cultura que ha creado y que promueve la injusticia y el odio a las personas gordas. Por tanto, y quizá de forma intencionada, acabamos echándole la culpa a las personas gordas por la intolerancia que sufren.»
«Las personas gordas están en su mayor parte ausentes de las representaciones significativas del futuro, del mismo modo que las personas discapacitadas, las personas trans y las personas de color.»
«Mi vida no me resultaría más fácil si estuviera delgada. Mi vida sería más fácil si esta cultura no estuviera obsesionada con oprimirme porque estoy gorda. La solución a un problema como la intolerancia no es hacer todo lo que esté en nuestra mano para que el intolerante se sienta bien. La solución es librarse de la intolerancia.»
«Las personas gordas están en su mayor parte ausentes de las representaciones significativas del futuro, del mismo modo que las personas discapacitadas, las personas trans y las personas de color.»
«Mi vida no me resultaría más fácil si estuviera delgada. Mi vida sería más fácil si esta cultura no estuviera obsesionada con oprimirme porque estoy gorda. La solución a un problema como la intolerancia no es hacer todo lo que esté en nuestra mano para que el intolerante se sienta bien. La solución es librarse de la intolerancia.»
April 18, 2021
this book was extremely liberating. it put to words a lot of my own thoughts and experiences, even some i didn’t realize i had!
virgie tovar’s work is an extremely important contribution to fat studies as she examines fatphobia as a byproduct of white supremacy, an exercise of control that’s most violent towards BIWOC.
“the real problem is that our culture is maintained through a vitriolic matrix of sexism, racism, misogyny, transphobia, ableism, and classism that erodes the physical, spiritual and mental health of all people; and yet we are told— and we believe— that the problem is that we aren’t trying hard enough.”
virgie tovar’s work is an extremely important contribution to fat studies as she examines fatphobia as a byproduct of white supremacy, an exercise of control that’s most violent towards BIWOC.
“the real problem is that our culture is maintained through a vitriolic matrix of sexism, racism, misogyny, transphobia, ableism, and classism that erodes the physical, spiritual and mental health of all people; and yet we are told— and we believe— that the problem is that we aren’t trying hard enough.”
March 22, 2019
Four years ago, sitting on the back of my father's boat, I had taken off my shirt due to the heat. My best friend and father both saw this and their response was: "My god! He's going to die of a heart attack one day." This was spoken out loud, as a jest (although still based on reality).
Eight years ago, my family had praised me for loosing a lot of weight. They continuously told me how much better I looked and how much better I must feel. I have never felt more unhealthy then that time of my life.
Twelve years ago, I was ashamed to wear any form fitting clothing. I would cut meals entirely and regularly. I would also be called fat by friends and family relentlessly. I was some how subhuman because of my weight. And I wasn't even all that heavy all things considering.
I needed Virgie's book now, and even more so back then. I wish someone had given me this book when I was 10 and told "It's ok to be fat you know." Not: "it's going to be ok one day" which was just code for 'one day you'll be thin' but 'it's ok to be fat'.
Virgie's book gets right down to the heart of Fatphobia and how twisted and dangerous this thought and ideology is. She goes on to explain how it is also rooted in sexism, racism, classism, and bigotry. It clearly outlines how our 'fitness focused society' is just the repackaging of our biggest fear of fatness.
The only concern I have with Virgie's book is the concept of being healthy and being fat. While I'm with her on every step of the way, I also recognize the benefits of leading a healthy life style. Not to lead a healthy lifestyle to maintain our warped ideas of fitness and thin, but leading a healthy lifestyle that best suites the person. I agree with Virgie that the gyms that are popping up on every corner are cashing in on our fatphobias, but I also see that exercise has massive health benefits (the least of which is becoming thin).
In the end, Virgie's book said "It's Ok to be me" in a way that sunk in. If you've ever felt like your body is betraying you, this is a must read.
Eight years ago, my family had praised me for loosing a lot of weight. They continuously told me how much better I looked and how much better I must feel. I have never felt more unhealthy then that time of my life.
Twelve years ago, I was ashamed to wear any form fitting clothing. I would cut meals entirely and regularly. I would also be called fat by friends and family relentlessly. I was some how subhuman because of my weight. And I wasn't even all that heavy all things considering.
I needed Virgie's book now, and even more so back then. I wish someone had given me this book when I was 10 and told "It's ok to be fat you know." Not: "it's going to be ok one day" which was just code for 'one day you'll be thin' but 'it's ok to be fat'.
Virgie's book gets right down to the heart of Fatphobia and how twisted and dangerous this thought and ideology is. She goes on to explain how it is also rooted in sexism, racism, classism, and bigotry. It clearly outlines how our 'fitness focused society' is just the repackaging of our biggest fear of fatness.
The only concern I have with Virgie's book is the concept of being healthy and being fat. While I'm with her on every step of the way, I also recognize the benefits of leading a healthy life style. Not to lead a healthy lifestyle to maintain our warped ideas of fitness and thin, but leading a healthy lifestyle that best suites the person. I agree with Virgie that the gyms that are popping up on every corner are cashing in on our fatphobias, but I also see that exercise has massive health benefits (the least of which is becoming thin).
In the end, Virgie's book said "It's Ok to be me" in a way that sunk in. If you've ever felt like your body is betraying you, this is a must read.
January 21, 2019
‘You Have the Right to Remain Fat’ was a complicated read for me, despite being quite short. I suppose it’s because I contain culture within myself: culture is lived inside of me as I read and think, and culture tends to have fixed ideas about the use(s) of language. (It’s interesting to consider that the word ‘diet’ has switched to ‘optimise your health!’etc...)
“I encourage people to answer this question: What would your life look like if you stopped trying to control your weight? Let’s go further. What would happen if I told you that your body was fine? What if I told you that you have permission to eat whatever you want and wear whatever you want because you are officially perfect? What if we lived in an imaginary world where you had never been taught that your body was wrong, where you never learned that certain foods were good or bad or evil or healthy? What if we lived in an imaginary world where food wasn’t charged with any moral meaning—hot dogs weren’t morally inferior to carrots, and lettuce wasn’t morally superior to Nutella? Imagine that no clothing was off limits—you could wear whatever colors you wanted, stripes that were horizontal or vertical, sequins or chambray, shorts or crop tops. Imagine that every day you woke up and your first thought wasn’t “I hate this body.” I want you to imagine that you walked around expecting every person to treat you with complete humanity and respect, and when people didn’t, you blamed them for being assholes instead of[…] »
I too wish that we lived in a world where food wasn’t charged with moral meaning, and that people weren’t judged because they dont conform to (arbitrary) cultural standards of beauty. I do feel that this book lacks nuance, though. Eating meat (a dead animal) is different to eating a piece of lettuce, or even Nutella (i.e., Palm oil is an ingredient in Nutella, and so is milk - if we look at how these are sourced, it’s typically destructive and so food just DOES come with a moral compass.)
I think that wishing things into hypothetical existence isn’t that useful, though I really like that there was a praxis of the author’s theory in her meditative retreats where people come to have fun and accept themselves as they are/ revel in the beings that are themselves. I just can’t help but read this from the perspective (and maybe this is a problem, on my part - and I clearly need to read more), that it’s not morally bad EITHER to care about your health, or to not want to eat sugar because of the effect on your microbiome/gut health (which can influence your general mood - 80% of serotonin is produced in the gut). The book also seemed to posit that people who exercised or controlled calorie intake did so for the purpose of culturally conforming (in order to be accepted, loved, valued), but we know there are reasons beyond these desires why people exercise. And wanting these things isn’t bad, but the way we think we will receive these things (through the body) is indeed fucked up.
I exercise and look at what I eat to optimise my bone density and reduce fractures in older age, to feel the rush of endorphins, for greater clarity of mind, to nourish my body with real food which supports brain function, to give myself 30-60 minutes a day to look into myself (I do see exercise as a form of self care), because when you are in touch with your body - you feel good. Being fat clearly doesn’t prevent any of this, and there is a hell of a lot of self-care in saying Fuck It to conformity, and just enjoying the damn piece of cake!
I just think this book is a little one-sided and I suppose I feel defensive because I don’t want to believe that I’m as controlled as I possibly am. Regardless, it was a good book to get thinking about these ideas! I imagine it’d be a good companion piece to really look at our underlying psychological motivations when it comes to ‘diet’ and exercise in a culture which often feels so ‘natural’/‘Normal’, but may really be insidiously violent.
“I encourage people to answer this question: What would your life look like if you stopped trying to control your weight? Let’s go further. What would happen if I told you that your body was fine? What if I told you that you have permission to eat whatever you want and wear whatever you want because you are officially perfect? What if we lived in an imaginary world where you had never been taught that your body was wrong, where you never learned that certain foods were good or bad or evil or healthy? What if we lived in an imaginary world where food wasn’t charged with any moral meaning—hot dogs weren’t morally inferior to carrots, and lettuce wasn’t morally superior to Nutella? Imagine that no clothing was off limits—you could wear whatever colors you wanted, stripes that were horizontal or vertical, sequins or chambray, shorts or crop tops. Imagine that every day you woke up and your first thought wasn’t “I hate this body.” I want you to imagine that you walked around expecting every person to treat you with complete humanity and respect, and when people didn’t, you blamed them for being assholes instead of[…] »
I too wish that we lived in a world where food wasn’t charged with moral meaning, and that people weren’t judged because they dont conform to (arbitrary) cultural standards of beauty. I do feel that this book lacks nuance, though. Eating meat (a dead animal) is different to eating a piece of lettuce, or even Nutella (i.e., Palm oil is an ingredient in Nutella, and so is milk - if we look at how these are sourced, it’s typically destructive and so food just DOES come with a moral compass.)
I think that wishing things into hypothetical existence isn’t that useful, though I really like that there was a praxis of the author’s theory in her meditative retreats where people come to have fun and accept themselves as they are/ revel in the beings that are themselves. I just can’t help but read this from the perspective (and maybe this is a problem, on my part - and I clearly need to read more), that it’s not morally bad EITHER to care about your health, or to not want to eat sugar because of the effect on your microbiome/gut health (which can influence your general mood - 80% of serotonin is produced in the gut). The book also seemed to posit that people who exercised or controlled calorie intake did so for the purpose of culturally conforming (in order to be accepted, loved, valued), but we know there are reasons beyond these desires why people exercise. And wanting these things isn’t bad, but the way we think we will receive these things (through the body) is indeed fucked up.
I exercise and look at what I eat to optimise my bone density and reduce fractures in older age, to feel the rush of endorphins, for greater clarity of mind, to nourish my body with real food which supports brain function, to give myself 30-60 minutes a day to look into myself (I do see exercise as a form of self care), because when you are in touch with your body - you feel good. Being fat clearly doesn’t prevent any of this, and there is a hell of a lot of self-care in saying Fuck It to conformity, and just enjoying the damn piece of cake!
I just think this book is a little one-sided and I suppose I feel defensive because I don’t want to believe that I’m as controlled as I possibly am. Regardless, it was a good book to get thinking about these ideas! I imagine it’d be a good companion piece to really look at our underlying psychological motivations when it comes to ‘diet’ and exercise in a culture which often feels so ‘natural’/‘Normal’, but may really be insidiously violent.
September 1, 2018
For full review, see: F*ck Your Fatphobia.
Overall, I really enjoyed this slim volume and read it in one afternoon. One of the strengths of this book is its accessibility. Tovar is very good at explaining some basic concepts for those who may be new to them, such as bootstrapping and gaslighting, and then builds information on these concepts as the book goes on.
And indeed, the book gets stronger and more impassioned as it goes on. Tovar intersperses information about fat discrimination and body image with her own personal experiences which really helps to illustrate the concepts.
Throughout the book, Tovar discusses topics such as body shame, fatphobia, and diet culture, which are the main culprits behind the lies we tell ourselves that as women, and especially as fat women, our bodies are somehow wrong.
But Tovar goes a step further and explains how these issues are actually,
merely symptoms of a larger cultural problem, not least our country’s history of unresolved racism, white supremacy, classism, and misogyny.
In no uncertain terms, Tovar argues that unrealistic existing beauty standards are built on this foundation and have been undermining women’s self-trust and control over their own lives.
Well, Tovar isn’t gonna take it anymore and neither should you. What really resonated with me was Tovar’s frustration with putting her life on hold because of her fatness, always feeling like she will really live only once she loses weight. She will wear a bikini when she loses weight or she will travel when she loses weight or will have more sex when she loses weight. This internalized inferiority is something most women experience so much, we don’t even realize it.
Rather than recognizing the multiplicity of feminine expression and feminine power (regardless of sex assignment at birth, ability, size, the presence or absence of modesty or money), women in pursuit of thinness become complicit in their own dehumanization and therefore become agents of misogyny.
At a certain point, Virgie Tovar decided to stop dieting and abiding by society’s arbitrarily constructed standards and just start living. Not later. NOW.
Something else I appreciated about this book was Tovar’s attention to the difference between the fat activist and body positivity movements. For instance, Tovar argues that fat activism has proud queer and political roots and is fighting to tear down the oppressive system of dangerous body ideals, while body positivity adherents wish to assimilate into this system, despite its racist, patriarchal, fatphobic undertones. While only an introduction, this section is just enough to inspire readers to examine these movements further.
Fatphobia affects us all and Virgie Tovar’s You Have the Right to Remain Fat is an accessible place for anyone to start learning how to fight against it. A determined call to action, this is a quick read that packs a punch. Pick it up if you are a womxn or love a womxn. Full stop.
Overall, I really enjoyed this slim volume and read it in one afternoon. One of the strengths of this book is its accessibility. Tovar is very good at explaining some basic concepts for those who may be new to them, such as bootstrapping and gaslighting, and then builds information on these concepts as the book goes on.
And indeed, the book gets stronger and more impassioned as it goes on. Tovar intersperses information about fat discrimination and body image with her own personal experiences which really helps to illustrate the concepts.
Throughout the book, Tovar discusses topics such as body shame, fatphobia, and diet culture, which are the main culprits behind the lies we tell ourselves that as women, and especially as fat women, our bodies are somehow wrong.
But Tovar goes a step further and explains how these issues are actually,
merely symptoms of a larger cultural problem, not least our country’s history of unresolved racism, white supremacy, classism, and misogyny.
In no uncertain terms, Tovar argues that unrealistic existing beauty standards are built on this foundation and have been undermining women’s self-trust and control over their own lives.
Well, Tovar isn’t gonna take it anymore and neither should you. What really resonated with me was Tovar’s frustration with putting her life on hold because of her fatness, always feeling like she will really live only once she loses weight. She will wear a bikini when she loses weight or she will travel when she loses weight or will have more sex when she loses weight. This internalized inferiority is something most women experience so much, we don’t even realize it.
Rather than recognizing the multiplicity of feminine expression and feminine power (regardless of sex assignment at birth, ability, size, the presence or absence of modesty or money), women in pursuit of thinness become complicit in their own dehumanization and therefore become agents of misogyny.
At a certain point, Virgie Tovar decided to stop dieting and abiding by society’s arbitrarily constructed standards and just start living. Not later. NOW.
Something else I appreciated about this book was Tovar’s attention to the difference between the fat activist and body positivity movements. For instance, Tovar argues that fat activism has proud queer and political roots and is fighting to tear down the oppressive system of dangerous body ideals, while body positivity adherents wish to assimilate into this system, despite its racist, patriarchal, fatphobic undertones. While only an introduction, this section is just enough to inspire readers to examine these movements further.
Fatphobia affects us all and Virgie Tovar’s You Have the Right to Remain Fat is an accessible place for anyone to start learning how to fight against it. A determined call to action, this is a quick read that packs a punch. Pick it up if you are a womxn or love a womxn. Full stop.
March 12, 2023
The perpetrators of these stories are body shame, fatphobia, and dieting, which hide behind the seemingly innocuous language of "self-improvement", "inspiration", and "health". In many ways, however, these ideas are merely symptoms of a larger cultural problem, not least our country's history of unresolved racism, white supremacy, classism, and misogyny.
What a woman Virgie Tovar ! I am currently reading Anti-Diet: Reclaim Your Time, Money, Well-Being, and Happiness Through Intuitive Eating, but You Have the Right to Remain Fat gave me a mental slap to start a deconstruction of my inner fatphobia. This book is such a pleasant and thoughtful crossing, that you can't stop reading it. It taught me so many things about diet culture and I loved that each chapter had a little story of Virgie through the years.
What a woman Virgie Tovar ! I am currently reading Anti-Diet: Reclaim Your Time, Money, Well-Being, and Happiness Through Intuitive Eating, but You Have the Right to Remain Fat gave me a mental slap to start a deconstruction of my inner fatphobia. This book is such a pleasant and thoughtful crossing, that you can't stop reading it. It taught me so many things about diet culture and I loved that each chapter had a little story of Virgie through the years.
November 5, 2024
America has a serious problem with food. There is a dichotomy: either you gorge yourself on deep-fried everything or you starve to near death. No in-betweens. The author of this book tried standing on one of these extremes, obviously suffered the consequences, and promptly moved to the other. That's all there is to this slim volume. The writing is sorely lacking in depth, and the "research" is largely anecdotal.
I actually feel bad for the author—I wish she never had to choose between two types of malnutrition and then justify her suffering. This is a societal issue that transcends gender.
I actually feel bad for the author—I wish she never had to choose between two types of malnutrition and then justify her suffering. This is a societal issue that transcends gender.
March 15, 2022
5 stars
One of my favorite booktubers celebrated their birthday recently so I decided to read a book they highly recommended in their honor. This book won’t be for everyone but I got something special out of it. I feel more positive on thoughts I have had that the author was able to put into words. It’s also nice yet sad hearing some personal stories the author shared from their life or other people they know that reminded me of past events I’ve experienced. There were times I had to stop what I was doing to absorb some of the information and words I heard. Definitely want to buy a physical copy to underline some favorite quotes. So glad “You Have the Right to Remain Fat” was recommended to me as I had never heard of it or the author so I would have never read it.
One of my favorite booktubers celebrated their birthday recently so I decided to read a book they highly recommended in their honor. This book won’t be for everyone but I got something special out of it. I feel more positive on thoughts I have had that the author was able to put into words. It’s also nice yet sad hearing some personal stories the author shared from their life or other people they know that reminded me of past events I’ve experienced. There were times I had to stop what I was doing to absorb some of the information and words I heard. Definitely want to buy a physical copy to underline some favorite quotes. So glad “You Have the Right to Remain Fat” was recommended to me as I had never heard of it or the author so I would have never read it.
August 18, 2018
I was so so excited for this book to come out and Virgie certainly did not disappoint. Her manifesto is part memoir, part culture critique and features excellent research and commentary on fatphobia and how diet culture and fear of fatness is directly linked to misogyny. I admire the surety with which Tovar names the hatred and shame fat people are made to feel not by our own shortcomings, but because of the culture we live in that aims to strip us of agency and the magic of our own bodies. Her experience with dieting, dating, and people in her life who reinforce fatphobia hit home for me. I especially enjoyed how she addressed fatphobia at all its intersections. Her critique of the body positivity movement and its centering of cis, straight white women who crave desirability rather than freedom reminds us that there's so much work left to do in the mainstream and that we should move toward a queer politic that acknowledges the different, more nuanced ways people are shamed for their bodies.
This is such a precious, timely read and I will probably reread sometime soon.
This is such a precious, timely read and I will probably reread sometime soon.
September 8, 2018
I mean, Virgie knows how to say the things that need to be said, however, I was never fully caught up in her words. While reading Jes Baker or Lindy West or Sonya Renee Taylor, I feel swept up in an emotional whirlwind (in the best way possible) the entire time. With Virgie I felt that there were snippets where I was smacked in the chest, but the rest felt rather messy & stitched together & not very captivating.
I think the bottom line for me is, if you write such a short book, you should be in my heart & mind from the very first word to the very last page. It shouldn’t just be two or three sentences along the way that blow me away. Good effort, important stuff being said, but not a game changer for me.
I think the bottom line for me is, if you write such a short book, you should be in my heart & mind from the very first word to the very last page. It shouldn’t just be two or three sentences along the way that blow me away. Good effort, important stuff being said, but not a game changer for me.
April 2, 2021
This is a very brief book written by a very controversial author and I don't know what I was expecting going into it. Maybe an introspective look at fat "culture"? That isn't what I got. I will not be including this in my 2021 reading challenge since it didn't read like a book, just like a passive aggressive blog post by a woman who thinks she has valid things to say.
November 30, 2020
growing up as a fat girl, @virgietovar believed that her body was something to be fixed. but after two decades of dieting and constant guilt, she was over it - and gave herself the freedom to trust her own body again. ever since, shes been helping others to do the same. 💖
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️/5. such a pleasure to read!! it took me awhile to finish this one ((even tho its super short)) 🥺 bc it was super relatable to me; growing up as an overweight girl and honestly too often i would be so disappointed of myself back then till it really affected my self-esteem so badly. slowly picking up the pieces again even up till today 🐾🧩
i love how virgie advocates that every person has the right to feel completely valued in their own body. its a bite-sized read but i love the fact that it made me think of a lot of things like self-acceptance, diet culture and fat positivity. really highly recommended if youre looking for a book that is worth reading in one sitting! ✨
""wouldnt your life be easier, though, if you were thin?" the answer to this question is simple: 𝙣𝙤. 𝙢𝙮 𝙡𝙞𝙛𝙚 𝙬𝙤𝙪𝙡𝙙𝙣𝙩 𝙗𝙚 𝙚𝙖𝙨𝙞𝙚𝙧 𝙞𝙛 𝙞 𝙬𝙚𝙧𝙚 𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙣. my life would be easier if this culture wasnt obsessed with oppresing because im fat".
"i realized now that all those times i had said "i want to be thin". i actually meant:
i want to be loved.
i want to be happy.
i want to be seen.
i want to be free. "
🌱
.
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️/5. such a pleasure to read!! it took me awhile to finish this one ((even tho its super short)) 🥺 bc it was super relatable to me; growing up as an overweight girl and honestly too often i would be so disappointed of myself back then till it really affected my self-esteem so badly. slowly picking up the pieces again even up till today 🐾🧩
i love how virgie advocates that every person has the right to feel completely valued in their own body. its a bite-sized read but i love the fact that it made me think of a lot of things like self-acceptance, diet culture and fat positivity. really highly recommended if youre looking for a book that is worth reading in one sitting! ✨
""wouldnt your life be easier, though, if you were thin?" the answer to this question is simple: 𝙣𝙤. 𝙢𝙮 𝙡𝙞𝙛𝙚 𝙬𝙤𝙪𝙡𝙙𝙣𝙩 𝙗𝙚 𝙚𝙖𝙨𝙞𝙚𝙧 𝙞𝙛 𝙞 𝙬𝙚𝙧𝙚 𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙣. my life would be easier if this culture wasnt obsessed with oppresing because im fat".
"i realized now that all those times i had said "i want to be thin". i actually meant:
i want to be loved.
i want to be happy.
i want to be seen.
i want to be free. "
🌱
.
October 31, 2018
Nobody combines academic theory with liberation feminism with personal essay better than Virgie Tovar. She makes it all so fun. She is also brilliantly concise. This book is only 125 quick-reading pages, but it's so potentially transformative that it could become an irreverent catechism for many women, a Little Fat Book, as it were.
...
ETA -- Post-Trump, I've been pondering more and more the internalized misogyny -- bad enough to vote for that vile creature, anyway, though all women in a patriarchal society will have some internalized misogyny -- of roughly half of white women, and a smaller share of women of all other races except perhaps Black women. If there is ONE lever that could pry out a nasty chunk of internalized misogyny across society, I think it might be uprooting fattism or fatphobia and diet culture, which rivals only rape culture in draining the life force of women.
...
ETA -- Post-Trump, I've been pondering more and more the internalized misogyny -- bad enough to vote for that vile creature, anyway, though all women in a patriarchal society will have some internalized misogyny -- of roughly half of white women, and a smaller share of women of all other races except perhaps Black women. If there is ONE lever that could pry out a nasty chunk of internalized misogyny across society, I think it might be uprooting fattism or fatphobia and diet culture, which rivals only rape culture in draining the life force of women.
November 14, 2018
Some really great fat-positive talking points. I’m not keen on militant anything, so it only gets three stars, but as a fat woman, this was a helpful book to read and recommend.
October 11, 2024
2.5/5
Time is at that point where I add a book, I blink, and suddenly it's six years later. Anyway, this is one of the books I saw on the shelves at work when I first started and thought, I'm in a good place right now. After getting to this a couple years later, I have my caveats about the place, which superimpose themselves, conveniently or deceptively, over the issues with this piece. There's certainly a lot of 'human matter' involved in this sustained thesis, and there's also a lot of truth to the disease metaphor that fatness is subjected to. However, the arguments that drew me into fat liberation were the ones on Tumblr that took on science in addition to social stigma, and this just kinda raged and then fizzled into some semblance of mirroring closure. I also got thrown off whenever she dragged in the queer community whether dismissive or laudatory, cause however much she tried to structure her fat liberation argument on that framework, it still felt like oppression olympics copying someone else's homework. In any case, I'm sure this'll do someone else some good. I'm just a simple academic-minded soul who has too many goals for his body that go far beyond the whole 'number on a scale' thing for a work like this to hold much water.
Time is at that point where I add a book, I blink, and suddenly it's six years later. Anyway, this is one of the books I saw on the shelves at work when I first started and thought, I'm in a good place right now. After getting to this a couple years later, I have my caveats about the place, which superimpose themselves, conveniently or deceptively, over the issues with this piece. There's certainly a lot of 'human matter' involved in this sustained thesis, and there's also a lot of truth to the disease metaphor that fatness is subjected to. However, the arguments that drew me into fat liberation were the ones on Tumblr that took on science in addition to social stigma, and this just kinda raged and then fizzled into some semblance of mirroring closure. I also got thrown off whenever she dragged in the queer community whether dismissive or laudatory, cause however much she tried to structure her fat liberation argument on that framework, it still felt like oppression olympics copying someone else's homework. In any case, I'm sure this'll do someone else some good. I'm just a simple academic-minded soul who has too many goals for his body that go far beyond the whole 'number on a scale' thing for a work like this to hold much water.
June 24, 2021
Ugh. What a sad little book. Virgie Tovar seems to want to talk about—I'm not sure what about, really, just look at the title—but ends up describing what appears to be a pretty bad case of bullying and an extremely troubled relationship with her body while growing up. Her reaction to all this? Becoming as unhealthy as possible, and encouraging other fat women to do the same (but not fat men, Virgie doesn't give an F about fat men), in order to F the system—and men! did I mention she hates men with a passion?
I do sympathize with the struggle and suffering Virgie Tovar and her fans have endured. The book still gets two stars for quotes such as:
- Dieting is the result of unresolved fatphobia;
- “Fat” and “thin” are make-believe categories the way “gay” and “straight” are;
- Women in pursuit of thinness become complicit in their own dehumanization and therefore become agents of misogyny.
Virgie Tovar also criticizes a “scare tactic campaign targeting 'childhood obesity'” (my italics; her quotation marks), and calls childhood obesity a “culturally perceived problem”. She complains that in school, she “was treated like a big tough boy, not like a flower”, whatever that means. Also, did I mention that she fucking hates men?
Sure, it's swell to be able to say “health is about loving my body”, but the fact is it's a nonsensical statement that would get you a solid F in health class. “Fat activism” can only go so far. Try indoctrinating the people (or just the women, if you prefer) who are already bedbound, or who spend half of their dramatically shortened lives in the ER, with this kind of rubbish. Ugh.
PS: this is not fat-shaming. I don't care how fat you are. It simply seems that people who worry about health and people who worry about—I decidedly don't know what about—speak different languages.
I do sympathize with the struggle and suffering Virgie Tovar and her fans have endured. The book still gets two stars for quotes such as:
- Dieting is the result of unresolved fatphobia;
- “Fat” and “thin” are make-believe categories the way “gay” and “straight” are;
- Women in pursuit of thinness become complicit in their own dehumanization and therefore become agents of misogyny.
Virgie Tovar also criticizes a “scare tactic campaign targeting 'childhood obesity'” (my italics; her quotation marks), and calls childhood obesity a “culturally perceived problem”. She complains that in school, she “was treated like a big tough boy, not like a flower”, whatever that means. Also, did I mention that she fucking hates men?
Sure, it's swell to be able to say “health is about loving my body”, but the fact is it's a nonsensical statement that would get you a solid F in health class. “Fat activism” can only go so far. Try indoctrinating the people (or just the women, if you prefer) who are already bedbound, or who spend half of their dramatically shortened lives in the ER, with this kind of rubbish. Ugh.
PS: this is not fat-shaming. I don't care how fat you are. It simply seems that people who worry about health and people who worry about—I decidedly don't know what about—speak different languages.
September 12, 2018
I LOVED this book. So intelligently written. I wanted to highlight the shit out of it. My only critique is that I struggle with the message about diets when it comes to dealing with my autoimmune disease. Virgie Tovar is writing from a healthy human perspective...but where does one fit in when you’re chronically ill and a diet is the only thing that helps? Where can I fit into this narrative?
April 15, 2025
¡Es una joya! Es muy fresco y realmente me llevó a cuestionarme un sin fin de cosas, hubo momentos donde me sorprendí a mi misma reflexionando profundamente sobre varias temáticas que menciona Virgie. En definitiva es un libro que te hace cuestionarte, detenerte y enojarte.
En palabras de la autora:
Nunca se me ocurrió que el estándar de normalidad al que me adhería era violento y siempre lo había sido.
En palabras de la autora:
Nunca se me ocurrió que el estándar de normalidad al que me adhería era violento y siempre lo había sido.
April 8, 2020
This is an excellent book about fat liberation politics, as opposed to the vague and apolitical body positivity movement, and I recommend it to everyone. Tovar has a direct and easy to understand writing style that effectively gets her points across. She declares that you have the right to remain fat, and it is indeed liberating.
Quotes:
"My core belief is both painfully obvious and wholly subversive: every person, regardless of weight or health status, deserves to live a life completely free from bigotry and discrimination."
"It has been my experience that women don't diet because they want to, but because they feel they have to. The sense of obligation is a sign of distress."
"Inferiority at its core can simply be described as the idea that someone or some group of people aren't good enough or worthy enough at all times without conditions or caveats. When an idea becomes part of a person's worldview and personal belief system, that is called 'internalization'. One of the ways that internalized inferiority manifests is the belief that you must do something in order to deserve the things you truly want. It is this belief that is the engine of diet culture."
"Diet culture teaches women that we need to lose weight by any means necessary, thereby reducing us to mere bodies who either do or do not conform to externally set standards. This is dehumanization, plain and simple."
"What we must realize is that it's not thinness that is being eroticized. What is being eroticized is the submission thinness represents in our culture. Thinness is a secondary characteristic. The true commodity is the willingness of women to acquiesce to cultural control.
Controlling women's body size is about controlling women's lives. This claim to control is based on fantasies of masculine superiority bolstered by the culture. This control does not just apply to thinness."
"My life wouldn't be easier if I were thin. My life would be easier if this culture wasn't obsessed with oppressing me because I'm fat. The solution to a problem like bigotry is not to do everything in our power to accommodate the bigotry. It is to get rid of the bigotry."
"I thought I could earn my way out of oppression, but I realize now that nothing is farther from the truth. I had lost sight of my right to freedom and my right to live a life free from oppression. I had lost sight that those things are my born right.
You cannot earn freedom through conformity. You cannot buy your way in. And we can only claim it when we recognize it is already ours."
"I realize now that all those years I dedicated to losing weight and hating my body were actually about a misguided attempt to be free. Yes, I dieted because I believed that it was only through weight loss that I could deserve to travel, wear cute clothes, and go on lots of dates with people I was hot for. But more than that, I wanted the stuff that those things represented: happiness, love, joy, and, most importantly, freedom. I was trying to starve my way into freedom. I had been taught to believe that weight loss was the key to all my heart's greatest desires, but the truth is that it wasn't. Because you can't find self-love by walking a path paved by self-hatred."
"Imagine that no clothing was off limits - you could wear whatever colors you wanted, stripes that were horizontal or vertical, sequins or chambray, shorts or crop tops. Imagine that every day you woke up and your first though wasn't 'I hate this body.' I want you to imagine that you walked around expecting every person to treat you with complete humanity and respect, and when people didn't, you blamed them for being assholes instead of blaming yourself for the false perception that you did something to deserve assholery. Imagine that you had never learned that butter was wrong. Imagine that all bodies were seen as equally deserving of affection."
"I wish someone had told me about twenty-eight years ago that it was okay to be fat, that it was, in fact, totally rad to be fat. I wish we lived in a culture where people of all sizes were treated with the full dignity and humanity that each of us deserves."
Quotes:
"My core belief is both painfully obvious and wholly subversive: every person, regardless of weight or health status, deserves to live a life completely free from bigotry and discrimination."
"It has been my experience that women don't diet because they want to, but because they feel they have to. The sense of obligation is a sign of distress."
"Inferiority at its core can simply be described as the idea that someone or some group of people aren't good enough or worthy enough at all times without conditions or caveats. When an idea becomes part of a person's worldview and personal belief system, that is called 'internalization'. One of the ways that internalized inferiority manifests is the belief that you must do something in order to deserve the things you truly want. It is this belief that is the engine of diet culture."
"Diet culture teaches women that we need to lose weight by any means necessary, thereby reducing us to mere bodies who either do or do not conform to externally set standards. This is dehumanization, plain and simple."
"What we must realize is that it's not thinness that is being eroticized. What is being eroticized is the submission thinness represents in our culture. Thinness is a secondary characteristic. The true commodity is the willingness of women to acquiesce to cultural control.
Controlling women's body size is about controlling women's lives. This claim to control is based on fantasies of masculine superiority bolstered by the culture. This control does not just apply to thinness."
"My life wouldn't be easier if I were thin. My life would be easier if this culture wasn't obsessed with oppressing me because I'm fat. The solution to a problem like bigotry is not to do everything in our power to accommodate the bigotry. It is to get rid of the bigotry."
"I thought I could earn my way out of oppression, but I realize now that nothing is farther from the truth. I had lost sight of my right to freedom and my right to live a life free from oppression. I had lost sight that those things are my born right.
You cannot earn freedom through conformity. You cannot buy your way in. And we can only claim it when we recognize it is already ours."
"I realize now that all those years I dedicated to losing weight and hating my body were actually about a misguided attempt to be free. Yes, I dieted because I believed that it was only through weight loss that I could deserve to travel, wear cute clothes, and go on lots of dates with people I was hot for. But more than that, I wanted the stuff that those things represented: happiness, love, joy, and, most importantly, freedom. I was trying to starve my way into freedom. I had been taught to believe that weight loss was the key to all my heart's greatest desires, but the truth is that it wasn't. Because you can't find self-love by walking a path paved by self-hatred."
"Imagine that no clothing was off limits - you could wear whatever colors you wanted, stripes that were horizontal or vertical, sequins or chambray, shorts or crop tops. Imagine that every day you woke up and your first though wasn't 'I hate this body.' I want you to imagine that you walked around expecting every person to treat you with complete humanity and respect, and when people didn't, you blamed them for being assholes instead of blaming yourself for the false perception that you did something to deserve assholery. Imagine that you had never learned that butter was wrong. Imagine that all bodies were seen as equally deserving of affection."
"I wish someone had told me about twenty-eight years ago that it was okay to be fat, that it was, in fact, totally rad to be fat. I wish we lived in a culture where people of all sizes were treated with the full dignity and humanity that each of us deserves."
January 28, 2018
Thank you to edelweiss for the E-ARC copy of this book.
I was not entirely familiar with this author’s work, but a friend assured me she’s awesome. I was not disappointed.
Tovar focuses on how fat phobia should truly be viewed from the perspective of “just let me be fat”, instead of fighting so much. If you don’t make demands the other side can not fight with you.
I was not entirely familiar with this author’s work, but a friend assured me she’s awesome. I was not disappointed.
Tovar focuses on how fat phobia should truly be viewed from the perspective of “just let me be fat”, instead of fighting so much. If you don’t make demands the other side can not fight with you.
November 26, 2019
I realize now that all those times I had said "I want to be thin," I actually meant:
I want to be loved.
I want to be happy.
I want to be seen.
I want to be free.
I want to be loved.
I want to be happy.
I want to be seen.
I want to be free.
Read
April 30, 2022I was not the target audience for this.
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