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On the Canvas of My Soul
She falls for a man who loves men
Zen, a struggling landscape painter, watches her abusive boyfriend plunge to his death from a balcony at their New Zealand home. Being free from his beast-like sexual appetite gives her triumph... and a little guilt, since she did nothing to save him.
Marcus and Dean are a married couple, each with their own dark pasts. And the idea of becoming parents is something they can't agree on.
Yet Marcus and Zen are inexplicably drawn to one another, despite Marcus' marriage to Dean. On her canvas Zen paints Marcus as the epitome of beauty. To her burning heart he is a lover with tender masculinity and graceful passion. With him she learns to heal and explore her sexuality in a new light.
A confession reveals a sinister reason behind Marcus' desperation to become a father. Meanwhile Dean, enraged by the affair, plots to keep Zen out of their lives whatever the cost.
Zen, a struggling landscape painter, watches her abusive boyfriend plunge to his death from a balcony at their New Zealand home. Being free from his beast-like sexual appetite gives her triumph... and a little guilt, since she did nothing to save him.
Marcus and Dean are a married couple, each with their own dark pasts. And the idea of becoming parents is something they can't agree on.
Yet Marcus and Zen are inexplicably drawn to one another, despite Marcus' marriage to Dean. On her canvas Zen paints Marcus as the epitome of beauty. To her burning heart he is a lover with tender masculinity and graceful passion. With him she learns to heal and explore her sexuality in a new light.
A confession reveals a sinister reason behind Marcus' desperation to become a father. Meanwhile Dean, enraged by the affair, plots to keep Zen out of their lives whatever the cost.
290 pages, Kindle Edition
Published December 23, 2017
4 people are currently reading
393 people want to read
About the author
A. Kelly
7 books321 followersA. Kelly - Romance, rethought®
A. Kelly writes romance with a touch of danger and suspense. She crafts stories with unexpected twists, and she doesn't shy away from tough subjects.
Also an avid wildlife photographer (especially bears!), Kelly has travelled the seven continents and met people from different walks of life where she draws inspirations from.
She's a sucker for stationery and fluffy things, and would die without tea. When needing something strong, Kelly usually turns to dry Chardonnay or Aperol spritz.
A. Kelly lives in Melbourne, Australia.
Amazon: Amazon - A Kelly
Website: akellyauthor.com
Facebook: facebook.com/akellyauthor
Twitter: twitter.com/akellyauthor
Instagram: instagram.com/akellyauthor
A. Kelly writes romance with a touch of danger and suspense. She crafts stories with unexpected twists, and she doesn't shy away from tough subjects.
Also an avid wildlife photographer (especially bears!), Kelly has travelled the seven continents and met people from different walks of life where she draws inspirations from.
She's a sucker for stationery and fluffy things, and would die without tea. When needing something strong, Kelly usually turns to dry Chardonnay or Aperol spritz.
A. Kelly lives in Melbourne, Australia.
Amazon: Amazon - A Kelly
Website: akellyauthor.com
Facebook: facebook.com/akellyauthor
Twitter: twitter.com/akellyauthor
Instagram: instagram.com/akellyauthor
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Community Reviews
Displaying 1 - 11 of 11 reviews
March 15, 2018
I found this story bittersweet as Zen, a talented landscape artist falls for a married gay man. Zen meets these two men at the lowest part of her life after the man she was living with and sexually abusing her dies from a fall from their balcony from their home. Zen decides to go on a treacherous hike in the Canadian mountains to sort out her feelings but is distracted but trips and falls. Markus saves her from falling off a cliff on the trail she was walking. For Zen, it was love at first sight even though he is married to Dean. Markus is attracted to her but more as a surrogate for him and his partner for they want to have children. He travels halfway around the world to find her to ask her to be their surrogate but instead, they end up having a love affair. Eventually, Dean finds out about their love affair, when he does, he will do anything to get Markus back, even if he has to get rid of Zen to keep Markus. Dean and Zen end up in a love-hate relationship as they fight each other to keep Markus for themselves but in the end, they destroy themselves and yet will forgive each other for the pain they cause one another, and for what they did to Markus, who has to choose whom he will stay with and whom he will leave. But as a gay man could he be satisfied living with a woman who cherishes him when he knows deep down he is a gay man, could he be happy the rest of his life with Zen? In the end, Zen gives him the greatest gift one person can give another to help Markus become the man he really wants to be.
February 26, 2018
A different type of love story
As the story began, I found myself confused by Zen, she is deep and shallow, strong and weak, all at the same time. There are a lot of complex emotions and character relationships in the story as well. The main love story is highly unlikely to occur in real life and I found myself thinking, "yeah, that would never happen." on more than one occasion.
However unlikely the romance between Zen and Marcus may be in real life, I did want to know what happens next every time I had to put the book down. That can likely be attributed to the number of twists that occur along the way.
As the story began, I found myself confused by Zen, she is deep and shallow, strong and weak, all at the same time. There are a lot of complex emotions and character relationships in the story as well. The main love story is highly unlikely to occur in real life and I found myself thinking, "yeah, that would never happen." on more than one occasion.
However unlikely the romance between Zen and Marcus may be in real life, I did want to know what happens next every time I had to put the book down. That can likely be attributed to the number of twists that occur along the way.
June 25, 2018
Gah, I’m stuck between giving this book 3 or 4 stars mainly because I feel like I liked this book but I didn’t love it. So I’m going with 3.5. More towards the 4.
Marcus and Zenobia meet whilst hiking, Marcus is gay and married to his husband Dean. However over the years Marcus’s desire to have a child has been putting pressure on his marriage and after meeting Zen, has this urge that he makes Zen the mother/surrogate for their child. However Dean isn’t as keen. Throughout the story, Marcus feels a desire for Zen that’s not just about her being the surrogate, they meet in “secret” for months, with him travelling back and forth and Zen likewise. They begin a relationship but both have pasts that put a strain on their relationship, not to mention add in the factor that is Dean.
Right here’s what I didn’t like.
It was all higgledy piggledy. The constant back and forth, she’d see Marcus for a few days then he’d go back to Dean for a few months and then come back to be with Zen.
I didn’t like the relationship between Zen and Marcus and by that I mean I didn’t believe it. Zen had this stiff quality to her personality and Marcus was a sap. Plus the temporary gay thing. I think the author was trying to make Marcus come across as bisexual but this didn’t happen. It’s like he saw Zen and thought, I’ll just put my homosexuality off for a bit. I don’t think that’s what the author was aiming for but that’s how it came across to me anyway. However I can genuinely see that the author wasn’t using labels and going for a connection of souls. I did eventually see that.
What I enjoyed.
I genuinely like the authors writing style. Sometimes authors can go wayward with their writing but this author impressed me with her ability to bring research and an authenticity to her writing.
I really enjoyed the complexity of Deans character and would have wished for more of his side of the story other than the little snippets we were privy to. I think the story could have benefited from his point of view as the husband scorned so to speak.
I would definitely read more from this author though. I’m intrigued by the writing and the imagination.
Marcus and Zenobia meet whilst hiking, Marcus is gay and married to his husband Dean. However over the years Marcus’s desire to have a child has been putting pressure on his marriage and after meeting Zen, has this urge that he makes Zen the mother/surrogate for their child. However Dean isn’t as keen. Throughout the story, Marcus feels a desire for Zen that’s not just about her being the surrogate, they meet in “secret” for months, with him travelling back and forth and Zen likewise. They begin a relationship but both have pasts that put a strain on their relationship, not to mention add in the factor that is Dean.
Right here’s what I didn’t like.
It was all higgledy piggledy. The constant back and forth, she’d see Marcus for a few days then he’d go back to Dean for a few months and then come back to be with Zen.
I didn’t like the relationship between Zen and Marcus and by that I mean I didn’t believe it. Zen had this stiff quality to her personality and Marcus was a sap. Plus the temporary gay thing. I think the author was trying to make Marcus come across as bisexual but this didn’t happen. It’s like he saw Zen and thought, I’ll just put my homosexuality off for a bit. I don’t think that’s what the author was aiming for but that’s how it came across to me anyway. However I can genuinely see that the author wasn’t using labels and going for a connection of souls. I did eventually see that.
What I enjoyed.
I genuinely like the authors writing style. Sometimes authors can go wayward with their writing but this author impressed me with her ability to bring research and an authenticity to her writing.
I really enjoyed the complexity of Deans character and would have wished for more of his side of the story other than the little snippets we were privy to. I think the story could have benefited from his point of view as the husband scorned so to speak.
I would definitely read more from this author though. I’m intrigued by the writing and the imagination.
June 28, 2018
Oh I don’t even know where to begin to try and explain how this book made me feel. The battle was strong in this book and the rollercoaster of emotions have left me feeling heartbroken. I am not sure I feel about the way the book ended but looking back at the book from start to finish, I am not sure how else it could have ended up. I think Marcus and Zen were always destined to be in each other’s lives but never be together and I don’t think either of them ever realized how toxic things could have turned out.
Zen met Marcus and Dean, a newly married couple, shortly after dealing with her own loss. She was not in the frame of mind to meet new people but Marcus made an impression on her that she couldn’t forget if she wanted to.
Marcus and Dean were supposed to be on their honeymoon and never expected to have to save a broken woman, but Marcus knows without a doubt that she is perfect for them.
Throughout the years and chance meetings, Dean and Marcus fall further apart while Zen and Marcus get closer. From this moment in there is not many moments of peace and quiet as secrets, shames, and insecurities run rampant.
But can love conquer all or will it always be one issue after another?
This book is one that will stick with me for a long time. I can’t wait to reread it and see what I think/feel the next time around.
Reviewed on behalf of MSquared Book Blog
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Zen met Marcus and Dean, a newly married couple, shortly after dealing with her own loss. She was not in the frame of mind to meet new people but Marcus made an impression on her that she couldn’t forget if she wanted to.
Marcus and Dean were supposed to be on their honeymoon and never expected to have to save a broken woman, but Marcus knows without a doubt that she is perfect for them.
Throughout the years and chance meetings, Dean and Marcus fall further apart while Zen and Marcus get closer. From this moment in there is not many moments of peace and quiet as secrets, shames, and insecurities run rampant.
But can love conquer all or will it always be one issue after another?
This book is one that will stick with me for a long time. I can’t wait to reread it and see what I think/feel the next time around.
Reviewed on behalf of MSquared Book Blog
Website: https://msquaredbookblog.wordpress.com
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MsquaredBook...
Twitter: https://Twitter.com/MsquaredBooks
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/Msquaredboo...
FB Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/20396...
June 4, 2018
Your heart and soul will feel joy and sadness.
My first time reading this author, so I had no expectations of what I would read. What I read was an amazing story, and made me feel everything the characters felt. It's filled with such sadness and love. It's characters are not your conventional lovers, their stories not filled with ordinary lives. They are people who feel with such depth, whether it be guilt, confusion, hate or love. It grabbed me from the start and I didn't put it down till I finished it. It made me sad, angry, anxious, happy and then it would do it all over again. It moved my soul and I'll never forget how the authors written words made me feel.
My first time reading this author, so I had no expectations of what I would read. What I read was an amazing story, and made me feel everything the characters felt. It's filled with such sadness and love. It's characters are not your conventional lovers, their stories not filled with ordinary lives. They are people who feel with such depth, whether it be guilt, confusion, hate or love. It grabbed me from the start and I didn't put it down till I finished it. It made me sad, angry, anxious, happy and then it would do it all over again. It moved my soul and I'll never forget how the authors written words made me feel.
March 18, 2018
I just fell in love with this book. I was written beautifully. I really liked how the author portrayed the characters and how they came together. This is the first book I've read about a married gay man fall for a woman (not just because he wanted to have a baby) but because he did want to be with her. Everything was just perfect on how the story went, I didn't expect the outcome though but still would say its a good read for me.
May 7, 2018
This was a well written book I found it confusing as it was hard to discern whether what I was reading was actually happening or what was going on in the characters mind in my opinion the main characters should all be undergoing therapy Marcus might be one of the most selfish people I have read about that that is just my opinion I am not sure that now I have finished the book I don't need to go into therapy myself
October 23, 2019
What caught my attention from this book was the plot, when do we get to read about it? A girl falling for a gay guy, and to add more to it in a relationship. This is the first time I see this plot in a book and I have read more than 1,200 books. I only seen it once in a movie.
But Zen got on my nerves!! She did things but felt guilty about them later. She said she wanted to forget Markus but really never did a thing to actually go thru it. I would be like “well you want your ex back? stop calling me!!” But noOoo she kept talking to him.
Markus was a big cheater and a liar.
Omg that ending! Markus sweared that Zen was it for him! Swears that he didn’t want Zen just for the baby but kept the baby and went back to dating a man. I would of preferred him alone in the that last scene at least so that would of been open to the readers. Make us guess did he stay alone, did he started dating men or women.
The three stars were for the plot!
But Zen got on my nerves!! She did things but felt guilty about them later. She said she wanted to forget Markus but really never did a thing to actually go thru it. I would be like “well you want your ex back? stop calling me!!” But noOoo she kept talking to him.
Markus was a big cheater and a liar.
Omg that ending! Markus sweared that Zen was it for him! Swears that he didn’t want Zen just for the baby but kept the baby and went back to dating a man. I would of preferred him alone in the that last scene at least so that would of been open to the readers. Make us guess did he stay alone, did he started dating men or women.
The three stars were for the plot!
October 28, 2019
This is the most wonderful, heartbreaking and emotional read I’ve had in a long time. It is awkward, compelling and utterly spellbinding.
It’s about a woman called Zenobia, an artist living in New Zealand. It’s about all of the men who have left an impression on her life and the way they shape it. There’s Ed, and Sean, and her father, and Dean and finally Markus. Her Marcus. A gay man she met halfway up a mountain and fell in love with. And right there, he fell in love with her too.
The book details all of her thoughts and feelings as she moves through life. Her muses, her inspirations, her obstacles. This book wrapped its fingers around my heart and wrenched it out. I wept for Zen, for Marcus and for the life they wanted but could never quite catch. This book will stay with me for a long time. Utterly compelling and utterly brilliant.
It’s about a woman called Zenobia, an artist living in New Zealand. It’s about all of the men who have left an impression on her life and the way they shape it. There’s Ed, and Sean, and her father, and Dean and finally Markus. Her Marcus. A gay man she met halfway up a mountain and fell in love with. And right there, he fell in love with her too.
The book details all of her thoughts and feelings as she moves through life. Her muses, her inspirations, her obstacles. This book wrapped its fingers around my heart and wrenched it out. I wept for Zen, for Marcus and for the life they wanted but could never quite catch. This book will stay with me for a long time. Utterly compelling and utterly brilliant.
August 5, 2019
I am not sure whether I loved this book or not. The feelings and actions of the characters put me on edge, but also made me feel sad that so much could happen and not be healthy between them. I plan on doing a re-read to see if my feelings change once I have a chance to digest them.
Displaying 1 - 11 of 11 reviews