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The Promise: Love and Loss in Modern China
When I had finished the old lady spoke softly: "It takes great strength to open such a heavy door."
At the start of the twentieth century in China, the Hans were married in an elaborate ceremony before they were even born. While their love was arranged by their families, this couple had much to be grateful for. Not only did they come from similar backgrounds - and as such were recognised as a good match - they also had a shared passion in their deep love of ancient Chinese poetry. They went on to have nine children and chose colours portrayed in some of their favourite poems as nicknames for them - Red, Cyan, Orange, Yellow, Green, Ginger, Violet, Blue and Rainbow. Fate, and the sweep of twentieth century history would later divide these children into three groups: three went to America or Hong Kong to protect the family line from the communists; three were married to revolutionaries having come of age as China turned red; while three were met tragically with early deaths.
With her trademark wisdom and warmth, Xinran describes the lives and loves of this extraordinary family over four generations. What emerges is not only a moving, beautifully-written and engaging story of four people and their lives, but a crucial portrait of social change in China. Xinran begins with the magic and tragedy of one young couples wedding night in 1950, and goes on to tell personal experiences of loss, grief and hardship through China's extraordinary century. In doing so she tells a bigger story - how traditional Chinese values have been slowly eroded by the tide of modernity and how their outlooks on love, and the choices they've made in life, have been all been affected by the great upheavals of Chinese history. A spell-binding and magical narrative, this is the story of modern China through the people who lived through it, and the story of their love and loss.
At the start of the twentieth century in China, the Hans were married in an elaborate ceremony before they were even born. While their love was arranged by their families, this couple had much to be grateful for. Not only did they come from similar backgrounds - and as such were recognised as a good match - they also had a shared passion in their deep love of ancient Chinese poetry. They went on to have nine children and chose colours portrayed in some of their favourite poems as nicknames for them - Red, Cyan, Orange, Yellow, Green, Ginger, Violet, Blue and Rainbow. Fate, and the sweep of twentieth century history would later divide these children into three groups: three went to America or Hong Kong to protect the family line from the communists; three were married to revolutionaries having come of age as China turned red; while three were met tragically with early deaths.
With her trademark wisdom and warmth, Xinran describes the lives and loves of this extraordinary family over four generations. What emerges is not only a moving, beautifully-written and engaging story of four people and their lives, but a crucial portrait of social change in China. Xinran begins with the magic and tragedy of one young couples wedding night in 1950, and goes on to tell personal experiences of loss, grief and hardship through China's extraordinary century. In doing so she tells a bigger story - how traditional Chinese values have been slowly eroded by the tide of modernity and how their outlooks on love, and the choices they've made in life, have been all been affected by the great upheavals of Chinese history. A spell-binding and magical narrative, this is the story of modern China through the people who lived through it, and the story of their love and loss.
288 pages, Hardcover
First published January 1, 2019
15 people are currently reading
386 people want to read
About the author
Xinran
14 books590 followersXue Xinran, who usually writes as simply "Xinran", was a radio broadcaster in China before moving to Great Britain and beginning to publish books. She currently writes as a columnist.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 33 reviews
February 13, 2023
It has been a while since I have read or listen to a book about China. But I began reading such books when I adopted a 3 1/2 year-old girl from far western China, a girl who will be 20 in just a few months.
I have read, I think, at least one other book by this author, and may be more And I just added another book by her to my long list of audible books in my future. She gathers her material by interviewing women from China. She intersperses what she is learning by talking with other women with information about her own life and experience, which makes reading her books a very personal experience.
This book follows through four generations in one family, interviewing women in each generation. The women range in age from those born in the Early to the late 20th century. Their experience based on the events in China over the years were quite different.
The book does not really offer a critique or evaluation of the history of China through the many changes during the 20th century, but simply shows the impact of those changes on the women in this particular family.
I have read, I think, at least one other book by this author, and may be more And I just added another book by her to my long list of audible books in my future. She gathers her material by interviewing women from China. She intersperses what she is learning by talking with other women with information about her own life and experience, which makes reading her books a very personal experience.
This book follows through four generations in one family, interviewing women in each generation. The women range in age from those born in the Early to the late 20th century. Their experience based on the events in China over the years were quite different.
The book does not really offer a critique or evaluation of the history of China through the many changes during the 20th century, but simply shows the impact of those changes on the women in this particular family.
November 2, 2020
Xinran’s books aren’t so much about being compelling or captivating. They’re more about capturing the voices of the Chinese people, in this case, Chinese women, their stories and lives, then getting them translated as accurately as possible to get their messages across. I’ve read two of her books many years ago (Sky Burial, Message from an Unknown Chinese Mother – my reviews from 10 years ago) and wasn’t disappointed. ‘The Promise’ didn’t disappoint either.
During one of her walks with her husband, Xinran observed an interaction between a female and 2 male birds, to which her husband, Toby, noted that the birds were ‘talking about love’ (tan lian ai), which meant ‘dating’ or ‘making love’ in English. He asked if its meaning is any different in Chinese.
His question made Xinran pause and reflect. What exactly does ‘talking love’ mean in Chinese? The definition from a Chinese dictionary felt very impersonal and void of emotion and was different from her own understanding. Unsatisfied, she decided to take a deeper look into the love lives of the women in China.
Set at the start of the twentieth century in China, ‘The Promise’ encompassed love stories from 4 generations of the Han family and was divided into 4 parts to represent the 4 generations.
The book opened with Red, who, through an arranged marriage, was engaged at 9 and married at 28 to Baogang, who was in already love with another woman. Their entire time spent on the same bed, was done ‘ceiling-gazing’, while Baogang shared with her the stories of the woman he loved. They had a sexless marriage for 61 years. She was still a virgin when Baogang passed away.
Red’s sister, Green, who is 12 years her junior, has a love story like one from a romance novel. She and Meng Dafu fell in love through their love for poetry. Coincidentally, at that time, ‘marrying a revolutionary was the height of fashion’. She was lucky in that sense, and as she reflected on it she said ‘our marriage may have been a consequence of the founding of the PRC, but our love was a road paved by da-you poetry, a long journey which began that day we went to visit his family.’ Her visit to Dafu’s village, Shandong, helped her see what life was like living and working in the fields, relying on nature for food and necessities. And seeing how Dafu went about helping his family and neighbors made her love him even more.
Green’s daughter, Crane, met Tang Hai as rusticated youths who were sent to Bashang, a hastily arranged camp, 300km north of Beijing; to be ‘re-educated’ about peasant life and agriculture, one of Chairman Mao’s Cultural Revolutionary ideas. After graduating from his military academy and was being offered a position as an instructor, Tang Hai appeared unannounced at Crane’s home, told her he was finally in a position to propose to her. They married the next day without much fanfare.
‘For Chinese people today, there are virtually no guidelines for dating,’ opined Lili, Crane’s daughter.
Lili turned to virtual relationships after failing in a real one. While maintaining her relationships online, she was also dating a “’proper’ boyfriend”, an English man named Ben. When asked if she’d marry Ben someday, she expressed uncertainty as ‘her parents’ military status meant that a foreign son-in-law would lead to more political background checks and make family reunions difficult affairs.’ She admitted that she didn’t like Chinese men in a romantic way after observing how the men in her family treated the women, like they were ‘subordinates’ and had them wait on them hand and foot.
Yoyo, Green’s other granddaughter; Crane’s niece, has boyfriends according to trends. She calls herself a ‘backpacking lover’. She has tried ‘flash love, flash marriage, rented marriage, internet dating’; she’s just missing being ‘xiao san’ (a mistress).
Wuhen, Orange’s granddaughter, born in 1984, married a man who left her 2 years later and started another family, simply because they had a daughter instead of a son, and to his family in his village, ‘a man without a son is the most unfilial.’ He parted with her via a text message and told her to tell his daughter that ‘her father is dead.’ And she too, in the end, had turned to virtual relationships.
In digging into the stories of the Han women, Xinran not only showed how political winds affected their outlook on love, but she also showed how much China has changed and is still changing throughout the years and how it has widened its generational gap – like Tiger, Lili’s uncle, who ‘worshiped Chairman Mao as a god’, while Lili, thought it ‘strange if someone’s got a sibling but think it’s perfectly normal to have slept with a dozen guys by the time you’re sixteen or seventeen.’
After reading this book, it made me wonder, has any one of them, besides Green and Crane, ever felt true love? The Chinese people throughout the generations seem to marry, quoting Xinran’s mother, for ‘revolutionary compatibility’ or survival, not for love.
For instance, Red stayed in her ‘marriage sentence’, first because of her fear for ramifications, then it was just weariness. There were also the rusticated female youths who ‘wasted no time in marrying the children of local cadres, to position themselves closer to power…’ because they could no longer bear to suffer the hardships of the countryside. Some sold their bodies to commune cadres hoping this path will lead them back to the city.
Was there ever a chance for them to ‘talk love’? After all, in the 1970s love was a ‘restricted product’, not to be expressed freely. In the 1990s, one can even end up in prison for kissing in public! And it was not until the 1980s that Chinese people were truly able to decide freely about marriage, to make up their minds and look for the kind of family they really wanted.
Overall, a very insightful, moving and compassionate read on love and loss in modern times China; Chinese tradition, beliefs and culture. I’d recommend this to those who want to learn more about the Chinese people and their history.
Thank you Netgalley and the publisher for a free eARC of this book in exchange for an honest review. All opinions are mine.
More reviews on my blog: Hookedonbookz.com
During one of her walks with her husband, Xinran observed an interaction between a female and 2 male birds, to which her husband, Toby, noted that the birds were ‘talking about love’ (tan lian ai), which meant ‘dating’ or ‘making love’ in English. He asked if its meaning is any different in Chinese.
His question made Xinran pause and reflect. What exactly does ‘talking love’ mean in Chinese? The definition from a Chinese dictionary felt very impersonal and void of emotion and was different from her own understanding. Unsatisfied, she decided to take a deeper look into the love lives of the women in China.
Set at the start of the twentieth century in China, ‘The Promise’ encompassed love stories from 4 generations of the Han family and was divided into 4 parts to represent the 4 generations.
The book opened with Red, who, through an arranged marriage, was engaged at 9 and married at 28 to Baogang, who was in already love with another woman. Their entire time spent on the same bed, was done ‘ceiling-gazing’, while Baogang shared with her the stories of the woman he loved. They had a sexless marriage for 61 years. She was still a virgin when Baogang passed away.
Red’s sister, Green, who is 12 years her junior, has a love story like one from a romance novel. She and Meng Dafu fell in love through their love for poetry. Coincidentally, at that time, ‘marrying a revolutionary was the height of fashion’. She was lucky in that sense, and as she reflected on it she said ‘our marriage may have been a consequence of the founding of the PRC, but our love was a road paved by da-you poetry, a long journey which began that day we went to visit his family.’ Her visit to Dafu’s village, Shandong, helped her see what life was like living and working in the fields, relying on nature for food and necessities. And seeing how Dafu went about helping his family and neighbors made her love him even more.
Green’s daughter, Crane, met Tang Hai as rusticated youths who were sent to Bashang, a hastily arranged camp, 300km north of Beijing; to be ‘re-educated’ about peasant life and agriculture, one of Chairman Mao’s Cultural Revolutionary ideas. After graduating from his military academy and was being offered a position as an instructor, Tang Hai appeared unannounced at Crane’s home, told her he was finally in a position to propose to her. They married the next day without much fanfare.
‘For Chinese people today, there are virtually no guidelines for dating,’ opined Lili, Crane’s daughter.
Lili turned to virtual relationships after failing in a real one. While maintaining her relationships online, she was also dating a “’proper’ boyfriend”, an English man named Ben. When asked if she’d marry Ben someday, she expressed uncertainty as ‘her parents’ military status meant that a foreign son-in-law would lead to more political background checks and make family reunions difficult affairs.’ She admitted that she didn’t like Chinese men in a romantic way after observing how the men in her family treated the women, like they were ‘subordinates’ and had them wait on them hand and foot.
Yoyo, Green’s other granddaughter; Crane’s niece, has boyfriends according to trends. She calls herself a ‘backpacking lover’. She has tried ‘flash love, flash marriage, rented marriage, internet dating’; she’s just missing being ‘xiao san’ (a mistress).
Wuhen, Orange’s granddaughter, born in 1984, married a man who left her 2 years later and started another family, simply because they had a daughter instead of a son, and to his family in his village, ‘a man without a son is the most unfilial.’ He parted with her via a text message and told her to tell his daughter that ‘her father is dead.’ And she too, in the end, had turned to virtual relationships.
In digging into the stories of the Han women, Xinran not only showed how political winds affected their outlook on love, but she also showed how much China has changed and is still changing throughout the years and how it has widened its generational gap – like Tiger, Lili’s uncle, who ‘worshiped Chairman Mao as a god’, while Lili, thought it ‘strange if someone’s got a sibling but think it’s perfectly normal to have slept with a dozen guys by the time you’re sixteen or seventeen.’
After reading this book, it made me wonder, has any one of them, besides Green and Crane, ever felt true love? The Chinese people throughout the generations seem to marry, quoting Xinran’s mother, for ‘revolutionary compatibility’ or survival, not for love.
For instance, Red stayed in her ‘marriage sentence’, first because of her fear for ramifications, then it was just weariness. There were also the rusticated female youths who ‘wasted no time in marrying the children of local cadres, to position themselves closer to power…’ because they could no longer bear to suffer the hardships of the countryside. Some sold their bodies to commune cadres hoping this path will lead them back to the city.
Was there ever a chance for them to ‘talk love’? After all, in the 1970s love was a ‘restricted product’, not to be expressed freely. In the 1990s, one can even end up in prison for kissing in public! And it was not until the 1980s that Chinese people were truly able to decide freely about marriage, to make up their minds and look for the kind of family they really wanted.
Overall, a very insightful, moving and compassionate read on love and loss in modern times China; Chinese tradition, beliefs and culture. I’d recommend this to those who want to learn more about the Chinese people and their history.
Thank you Netgalley and the publisher for a free eARC of this book in exchange for an honest review. All opinions are mine.
More reviews on my blog: Hookedonbookz.com
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July 13, 2021C'est le quatrième livre de l'autrice que je lis et le troisième en non fiction et je ne me lasse pas de découvrir la Chine à travers ses ouvrages, et notamment les recueils de témoignages de Xinran. Ici, le sujet central des interviews qu'elle a mené est l'amour. Comment parle-t-on d'amour en Chinois ? J'ai trouvé ce livre très intéressant puisque l'autrice a interrogé plusieurs femmes de la même famille sur plusieurs générations qui, ayant vécues à des périodes historiques et politiques bien différentes ont une vision complètement distincte de l'amour. Jaime la plume simple de l'autrice, on n'a pas l'impression de lire de la non fiction mais vraiment d'écouter quelqu'un nous raconter son histoire !
July 18, 2020
Xinran’s latest is a labour of love. She has worked on it since spring 2013, since when several of its subjects have died, as well as her husband, legendary literary agent Toby Eady, who is memorialised in the foreword and afterword (and occasionally in the narrative). Xinran’s heart is on every page, as is her love – for her husband, for women, and for Chinese women in particular, who have been her perennial subject. This book is about love, specifically talking love (谈恋爱). I’ve always been a sucker for romanticism, particularly that poetic, thoughtful, pained Chinese romanticism, and it doesn’t disappoint.
The book is structured in four parts, all from a single root. A friend had introduced Xinran to an elderly lady, Han Anhong, whose husband’s dying wish was that she take a virginity test. She does so, and is shown never to have had sex in 61 years of marriage. Through Xinran, who interviews her over a long period, Han (known as Red) tells her story, which starts when she was nine during the Chinese civil war with her father arranging her marriage to his friend’s son. He has another love, who has disappeared, and so their long celibate marriage is one of ‘ceiling gazing’ and talking about love; for her, the Cultural Revolution was the ‘longest holiday I had during the “life sentence” of my marriage’. Thanks to his love for another, she is unable to become a wife or a mother.
Red is one of nine siblings; three died young, three stayed into revolutionary China, and three left. Xinran interviews more members of Red’s family. We are told the story of Red’s sister Green, educated at one of Beijing’s best schools in the early communist period (in one of the most vivid depictions of that time I have read), during which time she falls in love with a man from an extremely poor Shandong background. Xinran then tells us the story of Green’s daughter Crane, who is rusticated during the Cultural Revolution and teaches poetry to her commune while ‘picking up bad habits from the peasants’ and falling in love. After Crane, we hear the stories of a third younger generation.
Xinran has alighted on a fantastically rich and deeply personal trove of stories. There is heartache, tragedy and pure romance, told by a family of women with a deep and abiding love for Chinese poetry. Each person in the family even has colour-based nicknames that translate well to English for readers less familiar with Chinese. It is skilfully composed, reading fluidly as if recounted by her subjects, with amusing and interesting turns of phrase and observations. The sections are punctuated by the occasional short intervention by Xinran herself to remark, exclaim or explain (and Xinran is clearly a talented teacher, and fantastically good at explaining aspects of Chinese culture concisely and effectively). If there is a criticism to make it is that at times it is rather too effective at feeling like your Great Aunt recounting a story, complete with some tangents that are a little rambling.
For the first three quarters we are in familiar territory – the Chinese twentieth century being told through the experiences of one family of women. So far, so Wild Swans. By telling through testimony it can glide over complex history; it feels fresh and is often heart-meltingly romantic. Only the assurance that these are real stories separates them from nostalgic romantic movies like The Road Home (我的父亲母亲) or one of those long Chinese TV series about rusticated youth falling for each other (and for the People too, of course).
But the last quarter is the intriguing and distinguishing part. In this quarter we hear from three of the current younger generation. Xinran has an innocent bemusement at WeChat and the video calling technology she must use for these interviews. Their stories are incomplete, of course, and while they felt a little self-indulgently angsty at times their experiences of modern love are profoundly depressing. Somehow the insights are a little triter and the language a little riper than in the previous sections (“I felt very strongly that her heart was like a clear spring formed from the drops of her tears”). The contrast between their soulless sibling-free world of meaningless sex, online flirting, throwaway mistresses – and marriages – and fatherless children and the earlier generations’ great romances is stark. One of the three subjects links speed dating to the ‘loss of our Chinese civilisation’. But this puts doubts in my mind that Xinran doesn’t explore. Is it true, and is it fair? Is the new generation really so much worse off? It is a deeply pessimistic note to end on if so. The trials of the older generations have an anguished nostalgia – their times do not come across as easy, but they do feel fulfilling and full of life. Did they feel so at the time? One of the subjects compares dating to exhausting travel. When this younger generation looks back on their youth will they only remember the exhaustion and pain, or will they also allow themselves a wistful smile at their ‘journey’ and lost loves in uncertain times?
While the final section did leave me feeling a little hollow, I did love this book. Xinran had originally planned a fifth section to retell some classic Chinese love stories – they are not needed, as there is plenty of love in this book already.
The book is structured in four parts, all from a single root. A friend had introduced Xinran to an elderly lady, Han Anhong, whose husband’s dying wish was that she take a virginity test. She does so, and is shown never to have had sex in 61 years of marriage. Through Xinran, who interviews her over a long period, Han (known as Red) tells her story, which starts when she was nine during the Chinese civil war with her father arranging her marriage to his friend’s son. He has another love, who has disappeared, and so their long celibate marriage is one of ‘ceiling gazing’ and talking about love; for her, the Cultural Revolution was the ‘longest holiday I had during the “life sentence” of my marriage’. Thanks to his love for another, she is unable to become a wife or a mother.
Red is one of nine siblings; three died young, three stayed into revolutionary China, and three left. Xinran interviews more members of Red’s family. We are told the story of Red’s sister Green, educated at one of Beijing’s best schools in the early communist period (in one of the most vivid depictions of that time I have read), during which time she falls in love with a man from an extremely poor Shandong background. Xinran then tells us the story of Green’s daughter Crane, who is rusticated during the Cultural Revolution and teaches poetry to her commune while ‘picking up bad habits from the peasants’ and falling in love. After Crane, we hear the stories of a third younger generation.
Xinran has alighted on a fantastically rich and deeply personal trove of stories. There is heartache, tragedy and pure romance, told by a family of women with a deep and abiding love for Chinese poetry. Each person in the family even has colour-based nicknames that translate well to English for readers less familiar with Chinese. It is skilfully composed, reading fluidly as if recounted by her subjects, with amusing and interesting turns of phrase and observations. The sections are punctuated by the occasional short intervention by Xinran herself to remark, exclaim or explain (and Xinran is clearly a talented teacher, and fantastically good at explaining aspects of Chinese culture concisely and effectively). If there is a criticism to make it is that at times it is rather too effective at feeling like your Great Aunt recounting a story, complete with some tangents that are a little rambling.
For the first three quarters we are in familiar territory – the Chinese twentieth century being told through the experiences of one family of women. So far, so Wild Swans. By telling through testimony it can glide over complex history; it feels fresh and is often heart-meltingly romantic. Only the assurance that these are real stories separates them from nostalgic romantic movies like The Road Home (我的父亲母亲) or one of those long Chinese TV series about rusticated youth falling for each other (and for the People too, of course).
But the last quarter is the intriguing and distinguishing part. In this quarter we hear from three of the current younger generation. Xinran has an innocent bemusement at WeChat and the video calling technology she must use for these interviews. Their stories are incomplete, of course, and while they felt a little self-indulgently angsty at times their experiences of modern love are profoundly depressing. Somehow the insights are a little triter and the language a little riper than in the previous sections (“I felt very strongly that her heart was like a clear spring formed from the drops of her tears”). The contrast between their soulless sibling-free world of meaningless sex, online flirting, throwaway mistresses – and marriages – and fatherless children and the earlier generations’ great romances is stark. One of the three subjects links speed dating to the ‘loss of our Chinese civilisation’. But this puts doubts in my mind that Xinran doesn’t explore. Is it true, and is it fair? Is the new generation really so much worse off? It is a deeply pessimistic note to end on if so. The trials of the older generations have an anguished nostalgia – their times do not come across as easy, but they do feel fulfilling and full of life. Did they feel so at the time? One of the subjects compares dating to exhausting travel. When this younger generation looks back on their youth will they only remember the exhaustion and pain, or will they also allow themselves a wistful smile at their ‘journey’ and lost loves in uncertain times?
While the final section did leave me feeling a little hollow, I did love this book. Xinran had originally planned a fifth section to retell some classic Chinese love stories – they are not needed, as there is plenty of love in this book already.
December 17, 2025
Brilliant récit historique et sentimental mais pouvant facilement donner lieu à une interprétation incomplète et fallacieuse, ce livre est peut être le plus personnel et au même temps le plus humain et universel parmi ceux que xinran à écrit et ceux que j'ai pu lire. (critique complète à venir)
June 30, 2020
The Promise is a powerful account of social change in China, told through the relationships and marriages of four generations of women from one family. From the traditional arranged marriages that still prevailed at the start of the twentieth century to today's online dating and virtual relationships these women's stories reflect the political cultural and social changes that have rocked the country and totally transformed it. Xinran brings her trademark style and uses her considerable interview skills to draw these women out in a way that makes them comfortable enough to discuss the most private and personal aspects of their lives. Through the lens of their very human experiences the reader is given a new perspective on history and the realities faced by the people living through it.
I read and reviewed an ARC courtesy of NetGalley and the publisher, all opinions are my own.
I read and reviewed an ARC courtesy of NetGalley and the publisher, all opinions are my own.
May 22, 2021
I engaged with the story once I surpassed the halfway point. My previous experiences reading Xinran pleased me, so I figured I wasn't penetrating the story. My hypothesis is that because the older women had such undesirable lives, I couldn't identify with them. But in their children, Lili, Yoyo, and Wuhen, I could connect to readily. I would urge someone with a fascination with China in the 20th and 21st centuries to read this book. The theme of the winds of change could be recognized by many readers so that holds value.
July 28, 2024
Véritable kaléidoscope Arc-en ciel, Parlez-moi d'amour est un récit remarquable. Xinran s'est attachée à une famille et bien sur aux femmes de cette famille.
Des années 1950 à nos jours, Rouge, Verte, Orange, Grue et leurs filles nous relatent leurs amours indissociables de l'histoire politique de la Chine .
Au fil des années ,. avant de pouvoir "parler d'amour" il est devenu primordial de "parler de réalité". Sur quels critères choisir son futur conjoint ?
"Dans les années 1950 il fallait connaître avec certitude son passé politique; dans les années 1960, c'était son statut social; dans les années 1970, il n'y en avait que pour les ouvriers, les paysans et les soldats, mais comme les paysans étaient trop pauvres, mieux valait trouver un ouvrier ou un soldat. Dans les années 1980, on n'avait aucune perspective d'avenir si on n'avait pas fait d'études, aussi les étudiants de l'université étaient-ils très recherchés. "p 219
Dans les années 1990..le plus fiable restait votre instinct ; Quant à aujourd'hui Internet a révolutionné le monde entier ..
Enquête minutieuse, pointilleuse et parfois difficile d'abord pour la néophyte que je suis. Les us et coutumes , les fêtes paysannes toujours célébrées , la médecine traditionnelle sont au rendez-vous.
Un récit "encyclopédique" donc, écrit par une journaliste de talent .
Des années 1950 à nos jours, Rouge, Verte, Orange, Grue et leurs filles nous relatent leurs amours indissociables de l'histoire politique de la Chine .
Au fil des années ,. avant de pouvoir "parler d'amour" il est devenu primordial de "parler de réalité". Sur quels critères choisir son futur conjoint ?
"Dans les années 1950 il fallait connaître avec certitude son passé politique; dans les années 1960, c'était son statut social; dans les années 1970, il n'y en avait que pour les ouvriers, les paysans et les soldats, mais comme les paysans étaient trop pauvres, mieux valait trouver un ouvrier ou un soldat. Dans les années 1980, on n'avait aucune perspective d'avenir si on n'avait pas fait d'études, aussi les étudiants de l'université étaient-ils très recherchés. "p 219
Dans les années 1990..le plus fiable restait votre instinct ; Quant à aujourd'hui Internet a révolutionné le monde entier ..
Enquête minutieuse, pointilleuse et parfois difficile d'abord pour la néophyte que je suis. Les us et coutumes , les fêtes paysannes toujours célébrées , la médecine traditionnelle sont au rendez-vous.
Un récit "encyclopédique" donc, écrit par une journaliste de talent .
July 26, 2020
This book opened my eyes and broke my heart in equal measure. When I first started reading I wondered why I had requested a copy of this, as I have such little interest in politics, and I’ll admit I found the political elements of this book difficult to keep up with, but at its heart this is a book about love, a universal theme.
This is the story of four generations of Chinese women, and how the political landscape and familial expectations affected the way they loved - we begin with the story of Red, an 80-something virgin who has been in an arranged marriage all her life to a man in love with someone else, and finish with 3 of the latest generation who are experimenting with online dating and flash marriages.
There is a lot of tragedy and heartbreak in this story, from unrequited love to the horrors of revolution, but there is also beauty in the strength of many of the relationships, and I loved the poetry that tied so many of the generations together. I found this absolutely engrossing and harrowing, but also found that it shone a light on the best of humanity as so many of these stories were full of selfless, warm and kind people living in the best way they could. I cried, I learnt a lot and I think this one will stay with me for a very long time - an absolute must read.
This is the story of four generations of Chinese women, and how the political landscape and familial expectations affected the way they loved - we begin with the story of Red, an 80-something virgin who has been in an arranged marriage all her life to a man in love with someone else, and finish with 3 of the latest generation who are experimenting with online dating and flash marriages.
There is a lot of tragedy and heartbreak in this story, from unrequited love to the horrors of revolution, but there is also beauty in the strength of many of the relationships, and I loved the poetry that tied so many of the generations together. I found this absolutely engrossing and harrowing, but also found that it shone a light on the best of humanity as so many of these stories were full of selfless, warm and kind people living in the best way they could. I cried, I learnt a lot and I think this one will stay with me for a very long time - an absolute must read.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
July 26, 2020
This book opened my eyes and broke my heart in equal measure. When I first started reading I wondered why I had requested a copy of this, as I have such little interest in politics, and I’ll admit I found the political elements of this book difficult to keep up with, but at its heart this is a book about love, a universal theme.
This is the story of four generations of Chinese women, and how the political landscape and familial expectations affected the way they loved - we begin with the story of Red, an 80-something virgin who has been in an arranged marriage all her life to a man in love with someone else, and finish with 3 of the latest generation who are experimenting with online dating and flash marriages.
There is a lot of tragedy and heartbreak in this story, from unrequited love to the horrors of revolution, but there is also beauty in the strength of many of the relationships, and I loved the poetry that tied so many of the generations together. I found this absolutely engrossing and harrowing, but also found that it shone a light on the best of humanity as so many of these stories were full of selfless, warm and kind people living in the best way they could. I cried, I learnt a lot and I think this one will stay with me for a very long time - an absolute must read.
This is the story of four generations of Chinese women, and how the political landscape and familial expectations affected the way they loved - we begin with the story of Red, an 80-something virgin who has been in an arranged marriage all her life to a man in love with someone else, and finish with 3 of the latest generation who are experimenting with online dating and flash marriages.
There is a lot of tragedy and heartbreak in this story, from unrequited love to the horrors of revolution, but there is also beauty in the strength of many of the relationships, and I loved the poetry that tied so many of the generations together. I found this absolutely engrossing and harrowing, but also found that it shone a light on the best of humanity as so many of these stories were full of selfless, warm and kind people living in the best way they could. I cried, I learnt a lot and I think this one will stay with me for a very long time - an absolute must read.
May 12, 2025
Unexpectedly great book and made me want to read her other books!
It really opened up how lives can differ a lot for people who were born just a few years apart in the last 100 or so years in China - the fact that the country was undergoing so many serious changes lead to vastly different experiences of life.
I also appreciated the focus on love stories during war and politically uncertain times - the notes on how not all the relatives could come to the weddings that were still happening because they were fleeing from approaching armies. At the same time love still happened, people still got married and tried to keep their flame alive with caring gestures and poetry, doing the best they could to keep their families alive alongside.
The most unexpected part was to get a glimpse into the lives of the most recent generations described in the book.
It really opened up how lives can differ a lot for people who were born just a few years apart in the last 100 or so years in China - the fact that the country was undergoing so many serious changes lead to vastly different experiences of life.
I also appreciated the focus on love stories during war and politically uncertain times - the notes on how not all the relatives could come to the weddings that were still happening because they were fleeing from approaching armies. At the same time love still happened, people still got married and tried to keep their flame alive with caring gestures and poetry, doing the best they could to keep their families alive alongside.
The most unexpected part was to get a glimpse into the lives of the most recent generations described in the book.
July 18, 2020
This book has given me a deeper understanding of Chinese history through the eyes of women. Xinran interviews three generations of women. We hear about how these women loved and were loved, or loved and who were not loved from the Warlord Era to the present. I was glad to have read a couple books of Chinese history before I read this, as there were many different political movements within the time frame of this book. Xinran is a compassionate interviewer, and I would like to read more of her books.
March 8, 2021
"Comment parle-t-on d'amour en chinois ?"
Xinran, journaliste et ex-animatrice radio d'une émission radio libérant la parole des femmes, part en quête de témoignages qui nous donnent un aperçu des conditions de vie des chinoises et de leur rapport à l'amour à travers 4 générations de femmes.
Sans l'avoir encore lu, j'en espère comme a son habitude, une plume légère, de l'aventure, des moments beaux et forts et de l'espoir, de l'optimisme !
#coupdecoeur
Après lecture, je confirme que je pressentais... quel livre sublime !
Xinran, journaliste et ex-animatrice radio d'une émission radio libérant la parole des femmes, part en quête de témoignages qui nous donnent un aperçu des conditions de vie des chinoises et de leur rapport à l'amour à travers 4 générations de femmes.
Sans l'avoir encore lu, j'en espère comme a son habitude, une plume légère, de l'aventure, des moments beaux et forts et de l'espoir, de l'optimisme !
#coupdecoeur
Après lecture, je confirme que je pressentais... quel livre sublime !
August 30, 2021
This was a slight rollercoaster in that the first third was amazing, the second started to peter out but is made up for the last third and especially the last few pages that really emphasise Xinran's message. The epilogue which is essentially a dedication to her husband is really sweet too.
I really enjoyed the nuances of Chinese culture which I picked up in this book and would recommend it to anyone regardless of their cultural interests: it is generally just a lovely read.
I really enjoyed the nuances of Chinese culture which I picked up in this book and would recommend it to anyone regardless of their cultural interests: it is generally just a lovely read.
January 8, 2023
Encore une fois, un livre touchant de Xinran.
J'ai adoré suivre chaque personnage, chaque histoire, rythmée par les commentaires de l'auteur et les échanges lors des interviews.
L'analyse générationnelle de décennies d'amour n'aurait pu être mieux rythmée. Entre politique, visions de la société, écart entre villes et campagnes et arrivée du numérique dans les romances, ce livre ne se résume pas qu'à quelques histoires d'amour mièvres comme cela aurait pu être le cas. Il est bien plus que cela.
J'ai adoré suivre chaque personnage, chaque histoire, rythmée par les commentaires de l'auteur et les échanges lors des interviews.
L'analyse générationnelle de décennies d'amour n'aurait pu être mieux rythmée. Entre politique, visions de la société, écart entre villes et campagnes et arrivée du numérique dans les romances, ce livre ne se résume pas qu'à quelques histoires d'amour mièvres comme cela aurait pu être le cas. Il est bien plus que cela.
February 24, 2023
If you're interested in a very unusual look at China and its culture, this may be your book. The author, a Chinese-American, interviews four generations of Chinese women. Each generation has lived through a completely different experience: occupation, war, revolution, and then the opening up to westernization. The women to varying degrees find love but not always with a happy ending. While it wasn't a page-turner, I found it interesting enough to make it to the end.
July 30, 2019
The book describes how the concept of love evolved in China. It follows the lives of several women belonging to the same family who lived in different times of the 20th century. Xinran shows how the history of China impacted the love lives of people during the turbulent times. Stories told by the main characters tell how Chinese Civil War, establishing of PRC, Cultural Revolution, and opening up of China changed their lives. I found it useful to learn about the modern history of China through individual lives. Many stories described in the book are truly shocking.
July 31, 2020
The Promise gives an insight into the China we rarely hear about.
Exploring the relationships through four generations of women - Xinran Xue provides a deep and yet richly narrated non fiction text which details love, heartbreak, relationships and revolution.
It was at times hard to read, very emotional and raw.
I really enjoyed The Promise, it was enlightening and informative.
Exploring the relationships through four generations of women - Xinran Xue provides a deep and yet richly narrated non fiction text which details love, heartbreak, relationships and revolution.
It was at times hard to read, very emotional and raw.
I really enjoyed The Promise, it was enlightening and informative.
December 22, 2022
Premier roman de l'auteure et une de mes premières lectures en non-fiction
J'ai tout simplement adoré !
On y découvre la notion de l'Amour, de ce sentiment ambiguë, dans toute sa complexité, ses nuances et ses paradoxes
Je vais m'acheter de ce pas un autre roman de l'auteure !
J'ai tout simplement adoré !
On y découvre la notion de l'Amour, de ce sentiment ambiguë, dans toute sa complexité, ses nuances et ses paradoxes
Je vais m'acheter de ce pas un autre roman de l'auteure !
July 26, 2019
Read this book if you travel to China and you’ll be questioning every relationship you see. OMG the last chapter is chilling.
January 21, 2021
I absolutely adore the way Xinran writes.
July 4, 2021
A fascinating and remarkable, sometimes frightening insight into just a fraction of the culture and customs of China.
June 17, 2022
A beautiful and insight book that looks at love and loss in China across four generations. Eye-opening and captivating, as all Xinran's books are.
September 17, 2023
Very interesting to read about the transition of Chinese culture over such a short period of time.
I was a little lost at points with the characters.
I was a little lost at points with the characters.
March 3, 2024
Captivating story of 4 generation and political changes which shaped/traumatized/de-culturized (I might not find a correct word to express that change) society in China.
April 21, 2022
heart-breaking read and gave me a deeper understanding towards the culture. Red's story was the most saddening. Green's story was fully.
absolutely great
November 4, 2025
There isn't a country on earth in which love has managed to conquer all those things. There is and always will be a gap between truth and reality. That's why people always aspire to achieve it, and struggle for it.
Xinran brings us four stories of love and life on the landscape of an ever-evolving China. Each of the four women featured is related, whether it is siblings, mother/daughter, or cousins. Their views on such things as politics, duty to family, and even physical affection are vastly different and have shaped how they approach finding and keeping love in their lives.
Written with such tenderness and care, it is obvious that there is both a personal interest and a sense of duty behind this book.
July 14, 2020
I was thrilled to receive the ARC of this book because Chinese social issues are at the core of my interests. And it was fantastic.
"The Promise" is an intimate study of love and family through the story of one Chinese family throughout the twentieth century. The ideas on love and marriage of the three generations are drastically different. The exploration of what the concept of love and family truly means in the Chinese context was really engaging and personal.
And if this wasn't enough, we get a bonus Chinese history lesson, making this book both authentic and educational.
*Thank you to the Publisher for a free advance copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.
"The Promise" is an intimate study of love and family through the story of one Chinese family throughout the twentieth century. The ideas on love and marriage of the three generations are drastically different. The exploration of what the concept of love and family truly means in the Chinese context was really engaging and personal.
And if this wasn't enough, we get a bonus Chinese history lesson, making this book both authentic and educational.
*Thank you to the Publisher for a free advance copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.
March 27, 2021
Mon coup de cœur de l'année. Des histoires passionnantes qui permettent de comprendre la complexité de l'histoire de la Chine. Merci pour ces témoignages si précieux et émouvants.
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