Like She Owns the Place: Give Yourself the Gift of Confidence and Ignite Your Inner Magic

by Cara Alwill Leyba

Can you imagine what life would be like if you could accept failure, cellulite, wrinkles, imperfection, screw-ups, and vulnerability? I’ll tell you what would you would finally take that weight off your shoulders and build unshakeable, sustainable confidence. The truth is that confidence isn’t about living up to anyone’s expectations—it’s about affirming, every day, that you’re an effing boss. It’s not the result of being skinny, making a six figure salary, finding your dream partner, or drinking a green juice every day. It requires patience, dedication, forgiveness, bravery, and an incredible amount of self-compassion.   You’ve probably read that “confidence is a choice,” and while that’s true, it’s more accurate to say that confidence is a series of repeated choices to accept yourself. To choose pride over insecurity. And to fearlessly show up in the world as the truest expression of yourself. It took me a long time to overcome all the BS. It took me a longer time to develop a rock-solid sense of inner-peace and become intimate with my intuition. To achieve real confidence that lasted longer than a sugar rush.  My goal with this book is to share with you how I have arrived here, how I’ve helped my clients arrive here, and hopefully save you years of pain, shame, and uncertainty. Because, girl, I know how rocky this road can be. I’m going to show you how to block out all the noise around you, and how to free yourself from the opinions and judgment of others. I’m going to teach you how to trust your gut, reclaim your life, and rock what you’ve got.  I’m going to show you how to own the place.

Genres: Nonfiction, Self Help, Personal Development, Business, Audiobook, Feminism

220 pages, Kindle Edition

Published July 10, 2018

Reviews

[Lydia's Bookshelf · Rating 4 out of 5]

AUDIOBOOK REVIEW
I love when authors narrate their own books because nobody knows what words to emphasize more than the authors themselves since they know their own sass! So, 5 stars to the narration.

As far as the content, well, there were moments where I found myself saying “YASSSS, QUEEEENNN! Preach it!” or even nodding, agreeing all excitedly. There were parts that I absolutely LOVED this book. But just as well, there were parts where I felt like “I have heard this before” in other self-development books. These weren’t that many, but it happened more than once.

However, I do feel like women everywhere, especially those that are people-pleasers (like me!) need this!

4.5 stars to the book
5 stars the narration

[Zane Alksne · Rating 3 out of 5]

I read it with massive pauses in between reads, but the main idea still stuck. It was written in very engaging, fun, and upbeat language, which I really enjoyed. It is good to remind yourself once in a while that you are your own boss and can do anything you set your mind to. This was it.

[Christin Creed · Rating 5 out of 5]

I want Cara to narrate and be the Mushu to my Mulan. Her writing style is so empowering it's hard to think there are things I cannot accomplish. Which is exactly the point. We are our own heroes, and we can do whatever we set out to.

[Amara Luciano · Rating 4 out of 5]

If you enjoy Cara’s work online, this is a culmination of all the messages she spreads on social media. It’s fun, solid, & packed with truths.

[Lauren · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book clearly caters to a particular breed of young, privileged, urbanites but it also manages to provide fantastic advice. I was surprised by how insightful I found certain passages.

[Lake · Rating 2 out of 5]

She’s great to listen to (audiobook) but the advice itself? Meh. Things I’ve heard (and for a lot, still put into practice) a hundred times before but it comes from such a privileged place/speaker, that it’s hard to take seriously anyway. I’m very glad others have found this helpful but it’s really not that profound.

[Rachel · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a quick read. A lot of gems and things for me to think about when self reflecting inward.

[Jem · Rating 1 out of 5]

She read it so cunt, but the words were giving nothing

[Em · Rating 2 out of 5]

I felt like the author is a Brene Brown wannabe. She tried to be new and edgy but was essentially saying the same thing over and over again. I do not recommend.

[Yoo-Yoo · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was great for motivating me to go to work in the mornings! For those of us who don't quite feel like we are allowed to be our true selves, this book encourages you to embrace who you are. It is maybe a little over-the-top on self-love, but for those of us who could use the boost, it balances out. I suppose in the hands of someone who already loves herself, this book could tilt the balance too far. Also, as expected, it's a very Western/American approach to happiness and life purpose. I would be curious to read an Eastern/Asian counterpart!

Favorite quotes:
p.xiv "The time I've spent ... beating myself up over a mistake is time I could have spent laughing, smiling, and loving myself. ... It took me a long time to develop an unshakable sense of inner peace."

p.5 "I've learned that one of the best things we can do when those [incessant] shitty thoughts creep in is to replace them with ones that feel better. It's not rocket science, but it's definitely science."

p.9 "A common definition of authenticity in psychology is the attempt to live one's life according to the needs of one's inner being, rather than the demands of society or one's early conditioning." <-- I wonder if this would be different from an Eastern psychology standpoint

p.16 "It comes down to believing that despite our past, and despite our surroundings, we have a choice to change. We have a choice to become who we want to be. ... What choice are you ready to make?"

p. 21 "I used to put my self-esteem in everyone's hands but my own. ... I felt validated only if others praised me. ... I have learned that if you rely on those outside things to deliver your confidence, you will wind up depressed, confused, and on the fast track to self-destruction."

p. 54 "There are times when guilt is valid. It's natural to feel bad over certain things, especially when you feel you could have done better. ... But we need to understand that as long as we are not intentionally hurting ourselves or someone else, there's no reason to feel bad for our thoughts or actions. ... Guilt can sometimes lead to self-awareness, which is important as we evolve into the best versions of ourselves. A healthy mind can recognize where improvement is needed and handle things differently the next time around. However, when guilt becomes obsessive and we allow it to rot away our self-worth, we have a problem."

p.67 "The behavior we accept from others is a direct reflection of how we feel about ourselves. ...It's about asking for a raise at work when you damn well deserve it. Or cutting off an unhealthy friendship with someone who treats you poorly."

p.77 "Real confidence is about being able to see yourself as imperfect and love yourself for it." <-- maybe not love exactly - but accept that we are all imperfect, and what we do is try. But depending on how you were raised, you may be able to push yourself to a higher standard...

p.82 "This does not mean you shouldn't strive to be your best self. This does not mean you should throw out your standards and accept half-baked efforts from yourself. What it does mean is that the sooner you can become okay with flubbing your lines onstage, forgetting someone's name, or falling flat on your face - physically or metaphorically - the sooner you can liberate yourself from self-loathing, self-doubt, and insecurity."

p.88 "When you stand in your own power, competition dissolves. When you truly feel good about yourself, jealousy just isn't a thing. When you have mastered yourself, you naturally celebrate another woman: her beauty, her success, and her accomplishments. ... And this takes time."

p.115 "When we are actively pursuing our dreams and goals, no matter how small those steps are, we simply don't have the time to ruminate on our fears or shortcomings."

p.132 "If you're clicking with someone, invite them to hang out. Don't be afraid of rejection, and don't cancel out of fear. Show up with an open heart and an open mind."

p.149 ".. no one career opportunity, realized dream, or experience can bring us a sense of success. Success exists inside us. ...If we believe we are successful, we are. And that's all there is to it."

[Victoria Colotta · Rating 5 out of 5]

My Highly Caffeinated Thought: A truthful and honest examination of how we all start to learn to own who we really are.

Having loved GIRL CODE, I knew I would have to read Cara Alwill Leyba’s latest. What I wasn’t expecting was how truly amazing and inspiring this book was for me. The author empowers her readers through the lessons she learned over the years. On a personal and professional level, this book is a must-read to help you own who you are and rock it.

I think, for me, my take away with this book was less business than I thought it would be. Because the author talks a lot about accepting yourself, "flaws" and all, I started looking at how I perceive myself and how much energy I was putting into looking as perfect as possible. Now, I will admit, I am not cured at succumbing to the photo filter or trying to take away my dark circles. However, I am learning to focus on the positive rather than the negative.

After reading this book, I can see a shift in the force. I am slowly crawling out of my insecurity hole and can see a difference in multiple facets of my life.

Highly Caffeinated Rating of… ☕ ☕ ☕ ☕ ☕

✦ ✦ ✦ ✦
Follow the Highly Caffeinated Victoria Colotta:
Website | Facebook | Twitter @vcolotta | Instagram | Goodreads
✦ ✦ ✦ ✦

[KatyMarie · Rating 3 out of 5]

I listened to this book via audiobook, I recommend this format. However, I have to admit the book is forgettable. There are very little pieces of this book that I can remember other than her focus on changing her hair color.

I love the idea of this book and talking about taking ownership in your life. But I didn’t connect to the author and I believe that’s why I hardly remember anything she said. 🤷🏻‍♀️

[Johanna Wickman · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was a great motivational book, and exactly what I needed to read right now. I ended up reading it in a single day, because she writes in a conversational style that is fun and easy to read. Definitely recommend for any women needing a dose of confidence!

[Tracey Sinclair · Rating 4 out of 5]

A fast, easy read in an amiable style, though it doesn't really contain anything groundbreaking or revelatory.

Edit: Reread and actually enjoyed it a bit more - likable and easy to digest.

[Jenny · Rating 5 out of 5]

Easy read that definitely felt empowering and inspirational!

[Abby MacMillan · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have THE BIGGEST girl crush on Cara and of course I couldn’t wait to get my hands on this book. I am admittedly a self help/personal development junkie, but this book was EVERYTHING to me. The style, the flow, the way she talks to you like she’s your best friend sitting on your couch drinking wine with you and giving you the sweetest tough love.. if you can even call it that. Her writing has the ability to make you feel deeply connected to her through the pages. She writes like she talks in her social media stories and on her podcast and it’s so authentic, which is what I loved most. Her stories are relatable.. she has been through STUFF and she never sugar coats it or sits on a soapbox about it. She is inspiring without even trying and really makes you THINK. The structure of this book is amazing with the thought provoking questions sprinkled throughout the chapters to make you really reflect on what her message means to you. I truly can’t say enough about this book and I honestly feel forever changed just by reading it.. as corny as that may sound! I honestly want to buy this for birthday and Christmas gifts for every single woman in my life because this book is such a beautiful gift that all women need to experience!

[Estefanía · Rating 3 out of 5]

I picked this book up because of the title. It spoke to me because is how I want to feel: like I own the place.

So, do I feel like I own the place now that I finish reading? Well, no. I didn’t think I would either. Cultivating self esteem is a long, individual and complex process. I did expect to get some tools that would help me with my journey but sadly this book is nothing you don’t already know if you have read a self help book or two.

The author mentions some tools like affirmations, meditation, goal setting and creating playlists but barely passes through them and doesn’t explore or explain how they relate to cultivating your self worth. There’s also some chapters about society’s expectations of women and how marketing is always telling us there’s something to fix within ourselves, things we already know but live so immersed in that is nice to be reminded once in a while of how wrong they are.

Despite all that, I kind of enjoyed it. It’s fun, motivational and easy to read. So I give it 3 stars.

[Jules Dressler · Rating 2 out of 5]

Unfortunately, any person can call themselves a life coach and write a book about it. She has some good points about authenticity, but it doesn’t make up for the serious faults in this “girl boss” self-help book.

I’m not a fan of this surface level, white feminist writing. It’s hard to believe someone wrote this in 2018 and thought they were on to something original. Make the most of your time and choose to read something by a psychologist or a legit feminist author instead of this seriously watered-down version of what you would learn in therapy. She talks about self-love, then goes on to constantly talk about weight gain as a personal failing. She also ridicules “radical” feminists, as if their choices aren’t simply their own versions of owning the place in their own way. This book is painful and it only gets a second star for identifying some key issues women face.

[Tianna · Rating 5 out of 5]

Frist off let me say even though I pre-ordered this book, I did receive an ARC because I will be interviewing Cara on my podcast, The Wicked Hour.
This book is definitely what I been needing in my life more recently. This book made you feel like you were having a one on one conversation with Cara, and she knew exactly what you were going through in your life at this very moment. With each chapter I felt like this is the chapter that speaks to me the most, then you get to the next chapter and be like damn no this is the chapter. I loved how Cara shared some amazing power mantas throughout the book. You need to get this book ASAP.

[Stephanie · Rating 4 out of 5]

I’ve been a follower of Cara’s for about a year, and I love all of the content she puts out in different mediums. This is the first book I’ve read of hers, and I’m not sure how I feel about it. I may need to read it again as nothing seemed entirely groundbreaking or different than what I’ve heard from her. I suspect that could be because I’ve been a follower of hers. I’m not sure. Definitely will read again and then decide.

[Kenzie · Rating 5 out of 5]

As a female navigating the introductory period to becoming an entrepreneur, this book felt like cozy reassurance in a chaotic world. It's tough when you're breaking free from everything you know, but Cara spells out concepts and ideas that guide women to embrace their inner power in their lives, personally and in the art of business. If you're starting your own business and don't have a steady boulder to ground you, this may be a good book to have on hand.

[Zariel · Rating 5 out of 5]

It was great and just what I needed to motivate myself! Glad I was able to read it. Unfortunately I couldn't fill out the prompts in the book because it was rented. But I'm going to go back through and fill them out on post it notes and save them, along with finding quotes that I want to remember. Very quick read!

[Leslie · Rating 4 out of 5]

I've always really enjoyed Cara's books. I think this one would have resonated with me more than it did if I didn't have so much going on in my life right now and wasn't so mentally preoccupied with other things. I definitely plan to reread it in the future when life has settled down a bit and I can dig deeper into the book.

[Tiffany Francis · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have followed Cara on instagram for a few months, and this is the first time I picked up on of her books and I was blown away! There are such great tips and confidence builders and strategies in this book. There are aspirational and practical things in this book that make it a must read for women.

[Sarah Levine · Rating 4 out of 5]

Four stars because I really like Cara, and everything she does.
The book was a little repetitive and seemed to cover the same topics we have already heard before. While I understand where Cara was going when discussing her hair choice and how it empowered her, it seemed to come up a bit too much throughout the book.

[Anne · Rating 2 out of 5]

Listener, I wanted to like this book. Really. I wanted to like the ‘you can do it, girl’ and ‘you can be you’ messages, but the tone was just too much. Where I expected compassion for how hard it can be to break from social norms and patriarchy, I found instead a lot of horn-blowing and condescension. I was discouraged and did not finish this.

[Robert · Rating 5 out of 5]

As a man, this was still an amazing book! I love that she geared it towards women though. I found her insights and kick-ass voice to be amazing! One of the best things was that I can take the same principles and use them not just in my business adventures, but also in my jobs and ultimately, my life!

[Carrie · Rating 4 out of 5]

I'll admit I was annoyed at first with how much she kept on talking about her hair. I was finding myself rolling my eyes and saying, stop talking about it and we get it. But I'm glad I committed to finishing the book. She did have some good chapters that resonated with me.

[Yvonne · Rating 4 out of 5]

I enjoyed the narrative and I liked the discussion around how women can feel guilty for no particular reason.

I don't think there is anything ground breaking here but sometimes it is not about that.

[Ayruvi · Rating 4 out of 5]

I felt like a little deja vu from listening to other self-help books. BUT, I love her mantra, "Check your fucks at the door!" My active goal is to stop apologizing for things I want and go after the things I want in my life.