What Your ADHD Child Wishes You Knew: Working Together to Empower Kids for Success in School and Life

by Sharon Saline, Laura Markham (Foreword)

A veteran psychologist presents a proven roadmap to help ADHD kids succeed in school and life You’ve read all the expert advice, but despite countless efforts to help your child cope better and stay on track, you’re still struggling with everyday issues like homework, chores, getting to soccer practice on time, and simply getting along without pushback and power struggles.What if you could work with your child, motivating and engaging them in the process, to create positive change once and for all? In this insightful and practical book, veteran psychologist Sharon Saline shares the words and inner struggles of children and teens living with ADHD—and a blueprint for achieving lasting success by working together. Based on more than 25 years of experience counseling young people and their families, Dr. Saline’s advice and real-world examples reveal how parents can shift the dynamic and truly help kids succeed. Topics * Setting mutual goals that foster cooperation* Easing academic struggles* Tackling everyday challenges, from  tantrums and backtalk to staying organized, building friendships, and more.With useful exercises and easy-to-remember techniques, you’ll discover a variety of practical strategies that really work, creating positive change that will last a lifetime.  

Genres: Parenting, Adhd, Nonfiction, Psychology, Audiobook, Self Help, Health

272 pages, Kindle Edition

Published August 7, 2018

About the author

Sharon Saline, Psy.D., a licensed clinical psychologist with more than 30 years’ experience, is a top expert on ADHD, anxiety, learning differences and mental health challenges and their impact on school and family dynamics. Her unique perspective, a sibling of a child who wrestled with untreated ADHD, combined with decades of academic excellence and clinical experience, assists her in guiding families as they navigate from the confusing maze of diagnoses and conflict to successful interventions and connections. Dr. Saline funnels this expertise into her new book, What Your ADHD Child Wishes You Knew: Working Together to Empower Kids for Success in School and Life. Heralded as an invaluable resource, her book is the recipient of two highly-acclaimed awards: Best Book Awards winner by American Book Fest and the Gold Medal from Moms' Choice Awards.


As an internationally sought-after lecturer and workshop facilitator, she combines psychology with her love of theatre to animatedly present on a variety of topics from understanding ADHD, executive functioning and anxiety in children and teens, making sense of the teen brain, working with different kinds of learners and raising digital citizens. A magna cum laude graduate of Brown University, she received her master’s degree in psychology from New College of California and her doctorate in psychology from the California School of Professional Psychology at Alliant University. Dr. Saline is a regular contributor to ADDitude.com and PsychologyToday.com, a featured expert on MASS Appeal on WWLP-TV and a part-time lecturer at the Smith School for Social Work. She lives with her family in Northampton, MA. Learn more at www.drsharonsaline.com and @DrSharonSaline.

Reviews

[Daughter of Paper and Stone · Rating 1 out of 5]

Preface

You child wished you knew that most of the revolutionary information in this book can be found with a simple google search. He or she would also like for you to know that this book barely goes in depth on how to help ADHD kids; it deals more with parenting styles, how to react to your child (there are better books out there who actually explain it better too). If you are parent going in hoping for further elaboration about one of the tips given at the doctors office for helping kids when they are away from your tutelage such as “making lists” or “time management”, you will only get about two measly chapters of generic information of what to do. How to Forster Independence? Get things done? Listen, have compassion, etc…

But like… how? If I didn’t know myself from years of experience of how to manage, motivate and inspire myself I wouldn’t know. If I were a parent reading I might not get away from the high of the good stories of things working for kids in these books despite their trials. They were rather good. I’m just more shrewd after a life of wasted money on books that pretend to help with their nice covers, smiling authors and research that consists of copying the APA guidelines word for word while adding a nice twist they can market it. 😉

It felt more as if the author was trying to validate her generic one liners and the 5 C’s of what not with “accounts” than to dive deep into what she herself “crated”.

I’m not into wasting people’s time or money. Especially when people have such disorders. Our lives are already more costly than average both in time, money and other things; I don’t need to get cozened by a some doctor who was supposed to help 🤦‍♀️.

Please check all the websites bellow for the more information you ought to have got. These are start, and are also most information presented in the book as revolutionary (except here they are free):

https://www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/adhd/facts...

https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-c...

https://chadd.org/about-adhd/the-scie...

https://www.healthychildren.org/Engli...

https://www.healthychildren.org/Engli...

https://www.healthychildren.org/Engli...

https://www.understood.org/en/article...

https://www.mayoclinichealthsystem.or...

https://psychcentral.com/adhd/living-...

https://www.webmd.com/add-adhd/ss/sli...

https://www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/adhd/index...
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RATINGS:

Knowledge: 1.5 📜💫 Very little. More about tales and opinions than knowledge.

Complexity: ❎ Not complex. Anyone can read it.

Interest: 1.5 🧚🏻‍♀️💫 A drop of interest

Overall star rating : 1.5 ⭐️💫 This book gave me the ick

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[Christina · Rating 5 out of 5]

I found this book so helpful and put the 5C's to work immediately with my kids. The Compassion and Keeping my cool suggestions were the most helpful for me. I found the voices of the kids themselves to be very valuable, it was as if my kids were speaking. I have more empathy and patience. Highly recommend this book - even if you don't have ADHD in the family.

[Heather · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is super helpful for people whose kids are newly diagnosed. I've seen other reviewers mention that all this info can be found online, and that's definitely true. However, I really enjoyed this book's insistence that parents and kids can work together. This felt like a "you can do this! You're a team!" type of book, which is very comforting for parents of newly diagnosed kids. It also gives a ton of jumping-off points for further investigation.

You might NOT find this book useful if:

1) you have ADHD yourself and need help developing coping mechanisms (this book is definitely geared towards neurotypical parents, or at least parents who have ADHD but they have a ton of tools in their toolbelt already and are managing well)

2) your child isn't gender-binary — well, there's still useful info here for you, but you'll have to ignore a lot of "he-or-she", so be warned

3) you can't stand the word "efforting" 😬

4) you are already well-versed in parenting strategies for kids with ADHD

I found it absolutely fantastic for my needs, which was shifting my mindset for our "new normal," some basic ideas about how to adapt parenting strategies, and a lot of quotes from kids talking about ADHD from their perspective.

So, 5 stars from me, but be mindful of the target audience when you consider if this book is what you need!

[Erin Ching · Rating 4 out of 5]

I loved the hopeful tone of this book and the parts where they get the kids' perspective. Also appreciate that there was lots of practical advice. My main frustration was that, although it acknowledges the fact that ADHD is often co-occurring with other things such as learning disorders, mental health conditions, and other disabilities, the advice is best suited for families where ADHD is the only or main condition. It does give some school advice for learning disorders, and i think it might have given some mental health advice as well; but in general, it assumes a good amount of ability outside of the ADHD when proposing solutions. This is not necessarily a knock on the book, as all books have to limit their scope somewhere - just advice for parents with a long list of diagnoses that this might not be the right book.

[Johanna · Rating 4 out of 5]

Really useful tips. Of course, the hard part is implementation.

[Heli Künnapas · Rating 5 out of 5]

Julgen raamatut soovitada kõigile, kelle lastel on tähelepanu või keskendumisega probleeme ning oleks vaja mõista, miks see nii on ning kuidas seda muuta oleks võimalik. Nagu igas valdkonnas, siis pole olemas lahendamatut probleemi, vaid kui teele tulevad uued teemad, tuleb enda jaoks täiendada tööriistakohvrit, millega selliste teemadega hakkama saada.

Pikemalt kirjutan blogis: https://midaheliluges.blogspot.com/20...

[Elise · Rating 3 out of 5]

There were some helpful tidbits in this book, and I did really enjoy hearing the perspective of the kids. However, this would probably be more helpful to those in public education.

[My Bookish Delights · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was easy to understand and informational on the topic that I bought it for. It definitely gives you what it's marketed as. My youngest has been diagnosed with ADHD and this is my first book on the topic. I especially appreciated the chapter that explained how it works in the brain. There are exercises sprinkled throughout for you to do (not a lot though, it's not a workbook) and it does have some steps to take to help parent your child with compassion and understanding. I found it very helpful as a parent who is new to the diagnosis. I did want to read the whole thing through the first time and I will go back and do the exercises by themselves. I tend to procrastinate on that kind of stuff in books and sometimes don't finish a book because of it. So I can't really remark on how helpful the exercises are themselves.

My rating system for this type of nonfiction:
Inspiration: 8
Information: 9
Implementation: 7
Accessibility: 9
Whoah Moments: 5
Importance: 8
Enjoyment: 7


Total Score: 7.57, which makes it a 4 star.

[Sarah · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book will help anyone whose kid has been diagnosed with ADHD or anyone whose kid might be diagnosed. Most poignant and important piece of information was this: your child with a sense of difference might be suffering about this more than you know. This was something at times I've heard from my kids (about different things) and maybe haven't always taken in deeply enough. By using kids' narratives and parents' narratives, Saline helps bridge that gap. From compassion, her "C's" including collaboration and consistency and celebration make very good sense. I imagine this book to be helpful if your child is struggling with ADHD; I also found it to be helpful in thinking about my parenting with kids of various ages and issues. A good book to have on your parenting bookshelf!

[Jenn · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was tearing up not even five pages in to this book. It was so relatable! Both the personal insights from kids experiencing ADHD and the easy to follow suggestions really improved our family dynamic. Collaboration was the missing key for us. Working things out together (compromises required of all of us) has really helped our kid be more successful and we haven’t had any huge arguments. Would highly recommend.

[Aubrey · Rating 5 out of 5]

I listened to this audiobook off and on. It was packed with so much good information but I usually listen while I am driving so it made it hard to take notes. I finally gave up on taking notes and just ordered a physical copy of the book in addition to the audiobook so I can reference it when I am looking for advice on certain topics. Below are the notes I was able to take. I highly recommend this book to parents of kids with ADHD. There is so much practical advice, it was so helpful!:

Notes on “What Your ADHD Child Wishes You Knew”
-5 C’s = Self Control, Compassion, Collaboration, Consistency and Celebration
-Listen, meet your child where they are, come up with an alternative plan if you are not agreeing
-Compassion creates the alliance that is so important for the longterm relationship
-Collarorate for a “we” attitude
-Family collaborative model, become allies not adversaries
-You need to be the parent, not their friend
-Convey that their opinion and ideas matter
-Consistency- reliability is a big part of this.
-How to explain ADHD to T:
It is a biologically based behavioral condition that exists around the world. There are 3 types of ADHD: inattentive, hyperactive and combined.
It impacts the management systems of the brain known as executive functions. About 5% of people under 18 in the world have ADHD. Inattention is the most common type. Boys and girls both have it. Symptoms of ADHD can fade as people get older.
How kids get ADHD:
A lot of it has to do with genetics.
Sometimes ADHD can be a result of brain injuries or trauma.
It is not caused by poor diet, too much television or bad parenting.
ADHD brains are wired differently
-Concentrate on the positives.
-Help T see what’s great about himself
-Practice makes progress
-Stop, Think, Act - Use this to help kids learn to control their impulses

-Resources for parents(hyperlinks did not paste from my notes—that is why there is redundancy):
-ADHD Coaches Organization
-Advice on how to help kids with their online life: https://www.commonsensemedia.org/
-ADDitude - ADD & ADHD Symptom Tests, Signs, Treatment, Support - additudemag.com
-Understood - For learning and thinking differences - understood.org
-Home - Dr. Hallowell - drhallowell.com
-Dr. Russell A. Barkley - Dedicated to Education and Research on ADHD - Russell Barkley.org
-Home - Smart But Scattered Kids - SmartButScatteredKids.com
-Peaceful Parent Happy Kids - PeacefulParentHappyKids.com
-Lynn Lyons: Helping Anxious Kids and Families Manage Anxiety Disorders - LynnLyons.com
-LIVES IN THE BALANCE - LivesInTheBalance.org
-The Family Dinner Project - The Family Dinner Project - TheFamilyDinnerProject.org
-Dr. Sharon Saline -DrSharonSaline.com

[Esther Bouchillon · Rating 4 out of 5]

The first few chapters about how the ADHD brain works were really helpful. The chapter Managing Big Feelings also had some useful ideas. She thinks incentives are extremely helpful for ADHD kids.

[SB · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is very useful. It has been a great help to understand my kid more. I know this will be a long process but this book helped.

[Dionna · Rating 4 out of 5]

Helpful - I wish I'd had this book (and my child's diagnosis) years ago.

[Maeve Fletcher · Rating 5 out of 5]

Highly recommend! Very helpful

[Sarah · Rating 4 out of 5]

Full of good information.

[Chelsey Anderson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very informative! Will definitely give this one multiple rereads!

[TBR2024 · Rating 5 out of 5]

More actionable than most ADHD books. Addresses shame and emotional intelligence. Provides stories from children and teens about relationship repair with parents and teachers.

[Nicole · Rating 5 out of 5]

I love the coping mechanisms I learned for both parents and for the parent to teach the child. “Stop, think, act” should be taught to ADHD kids as often as “please” and “thank you”. I also loved the thought on mirroring negative attitudes. For instance, instead of being frustrated by your child’s ADHD struggles, realize that those struggles also have a positive component. This idea is not meant to belittle the struggles, but to help one see their child as a whole instead of just the struggles. I’ve put several lessons to use with my son and it’s a beautiful thing to see how he melts. He is less aggressive and more affectionate. What a surprise to realize that his aggressiveness is a mask for his sensitivity!

Other ideas to remember:
List ways to slow down: leave the room. Go for a walk. Read a book. Sing a song. Breath deeply.

Be curious. During heated moments when your son’s amygdala has triggered an adrenaline rush, ask what caused that. No judgement at this point. Figure out the mystery. Later when everything is all calm, that is the time to discuss right and wrong and how to address that problem in the future. So first empathize. Then later, strategize.
Slow breathing hijacks the amygdala response. Drawing or listening to music can help. Yoga?
Rules of 3: looking listening and speaking. 1) get down in your child’s level and make eye contact, 2) state a task clearly and calmly, 3) ask him to repeat the task exactly. Only give one task at a time until he’s mastered it.

[Abbie Duquette · Rating 5 out of 5]

I'm busy – and I'm sure you are too. We have a child with ADHD and that's exhausting enough. Thank GOD I purchased this book, it's truly there to help you. Easy to read and so easy to implement. Thank you so much for writing something like this! I feel like my family can finally breathe and relax (even if just for a second!) I've heard some of this before, but Dr. Saline goes in-depth on techniques and emphasizes collaboration and persistence. SO KEY. I feel like I've been heard and my prayers have been answered. I would recommend this book 10x over.

[Chris · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really wish my parents had read this book when I was growing up. It would have made life a lot easier. Everyone with AD(H)D is in no way the same, but if my parents had access to this book before, they would have seen all the similarities between the kids with AD(H)D and me, and the parents of those kids and themselves. I wasn't diagnosed with ADD until I was an adult and hearing the anecdotes of the kids really made me feel a lot better knowing many of them had identical experiences to my own.

[Katy · Rating 5 out of 5]

I’ve read a lot of parenting books. I find they are usually hard to get through and I also find that they don’t offer practical advice to implement. This book was relatable and actually had content and suggestions that were useful. They gave me new perspectives. I checked this out from the library and I’m going to buy a copy that I can refer to again over the years. I really appreciated this book!

[Lgordo · Rating 2 out of 5]

I might finish this one day. It was too long and full of filler. Plus it was a lot of general parenting advice. It also felt like the 6yos in this book were more capable and self-aware than mine. Finding the useful nuggets between all the fluff was a bit much. Then the library said I couldn't have it any more, and I didn't really care.

[Claire Booth · Rating 4 out of 5]

Now can you write a book on how to parent a kiddo with ADHD while you also have ADHD?

This was very good information, especially for adults who are just learning about ADHD and the spectrum. And it was a great lens-shift for adult that maybe know about ADHD but are looking for more info on how to interact with a ADHD kiddo.

[Cody Contway · Rating 4 out of 5]

Not attempting to be ironic, but I totally failed to update my Goodreads status on this book to completed when I actually finished it (and am doing so 7 months later, so this review won't have specifics because I can't remember any).

[Zuzana Hartmanová · Rating 4 out of 5]

Kniha se nesnaží hrát si na extra odbornou publikaci, nejde v problematice kdovíjak hluboko a nenajdete tam nic, co byste si nemohli přečíst někde na internetu, přesto si z ní odnáším velice pozitivní dojem. Autorka shrnuje problematiku ADHD sice jednoduše, ale srozumitelně a nechává ve čtenářích pocit, že to není nepřekonatelný problém. Jasně, všichni víme, že to není nepřekonatelné, ale i přes veškeré snahy většina podobných publikací zanechá čtenáře/rodiče spíš sklíčeného než co jiného (bez ohledu na to, kolik mu dá užitečných rad a tipů), ale tohle není ten případ. Možná je to tím, že je v knize spousta názorů dětí, které mají ADHD, a tím pádem člověk dostane trochu větší náhled na to, jak to funguje z druhé strany, a zjistí, že i děti samy to často neberou jako kdovíjakou tragédii...
Přístup k výchově v rámci 5S se mi líbí - je to vlastně docela obyčejná věc, o níž se podle mě snaží většina rodičů, ale tenhle model zdůrazňuje některé aspekty, které jsou u dětí s ADHD obzvlášť důležité.
Takže - není to nic převratného, ale pro rodiče je kniha určitě užitečná, obzvlášť v začátcích, kdy si o ADHD zjišťují, co se dá - především proto, že po dočtení téhle knihy neskončí totálně rozložení.

[Laura Ann · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book has some genuinely helpful insights buried under a lot of filler. The 5 C’s (self-control, compassion, collaboration, consistency, celebration) provide a solid framework to working with your ADHD child. I appreciated the emphasis on parental mindfulness, especially the reminders to increase positive-to-negative statements, having children repeat back instructions to ensure understanding, and supporting the development of executive functioning by shifting from telling children what to do to helping them learn to tell themselves what to do.

That said, much of the content felt repetitive and overly idealistic. Some examples bordered on enabling, such as framing a child refusing to take a spelling test as “self-advocacy,” or calling shuffling piles around a messy room a “win.” The suggestion that kids should always get baseline screen time regardless of behavior or grades felt imprudent, and the casual attitude toward teen drug use was frankly absurd. While the intent to promote empathy and collaboration is good, the book often leans too far into permissiveness in my opinion.

TL;DR: Worth skimming for key ideas, but be prepared to filter heavily for what’s actually applicable in real life. Be sure to take breaks while reading to avoid immersing yourself too fully in “ADHD world,” especially if things are challenging with your own child.

[Emily VA · Rating 4 out of 5]

I appreciated the diverse voices of all the ADHD kids in this book.

What I didn’t expect (but maybe should have?) was that the core advice would be basically the same as the How to Talk books, reframed as the 5 C’s - self Control, Compassion, Collaboration, Consistency, and Celebration. They read to me as almost the same as the problem solving steps in the How to Talk books and therefore didn’t feel very… novel. Or unique to kids with ADHD. Although the applications were focused on issues AHDH kids have more than neurotypical kids.

These 5 C’s get repeated… a lot… in each context discussed in the book. I think the repetitiveness of that is why it took me so long to get through it, and I almost bailed on it about a third of the way through.

A new piece for me was the Rule of Three: Looking (eye contact, at their level, whole touching them gently), Listening (to your request), and Speaking (asking the child to repeat your request twice) to give the kid’s brain more ways of latching onto and remembering the request (sight, sound, touch, speech).

[Harley Quinn · Rating 3 out of 5]

3★: AUTHOR ASSUMES THE PARENT READER DOES NOT HAVE ADHD. Like many ADHD experts and authors, it appears that Dr. Sharon Saline herself does not have ADHD to really know what it’s like. While she is a licensed clinical psychologist with more than 30 years’ experience AND had an untreated sibling with ADHD, her solutions often seem over-simplified.
I think because ADHD is likely hereditary and most parents who have ADHD themselves did not learn these same skills and strategies, the empowerment of kids is far more complex. She did give one example where both a parent and child were both reactive/angry, but it was the exception not the norm. It’s a catch-22 because what are the odds that a parent with ADHD is going to get a PhD and write a book? The 3 stars for this book are for the author’s good intentions and the children whose stories and direct quotes were included.

[Sara Shelley · Rating 3 out of 5]

I feel like this could be parenting book in general. Many of the things in here are things that all kids struggle with… Not that it any less important for our ADHD kiddos.
I also felt a sense of possible false hope at the end. She says, “It will get better!” I don’t necessarily think that is the case in all situations. I sure hope she is right. And we are doing everything we can to make it better. But some kids, no matter how hard you try, just go the other way.
I do really like how she adds quotes from actual ADHD kids and stories and situations that they struggle with. It puts more of a personal feel in the book. And we can get a better idea how their brains think and work.
I have read and studied ADHD for 10 years now l, ever since my child was diagnosed. There is definitely good information in this book. I am always happy to read everything I can about this disorder.