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Loving Your Husband Before You Even Have One
You dream of happily ever after - making your mark on the world, traveling to new places, finding the dream job, falling in love. Maybe you are taking steps now to help make those dreams come true. Pursuing a degree. Building a resume. Getting a passport.
What if you could also be preparing now, as a single women, for the relationship you long for?
Marriage might be far from your mind at this point. But somewhere down the line, some guy you meet might become your husband.
Will you be ready?
You can start the process of building an enjoyable marriage today by embracing the life God has for you and by learning what makes lasting, loving relationships work.
After my first engagement fell apart, a friend sat down beside me and asked, "Aww Kim, why did you guys break up?" I sighed and responded, "It just wasn't working out. I think God has a better way of doing relationships, and I am going to find out how to do them."
I FOUND OUT HOW, AND I CAME BACK TO SHARE IT WITH YOU.
What if you could also be preparing now, as a single women, for the relationship you long for?
Marriage might be far from your mind at this point. But somewhere down the line, some guy you meet might become your husband.
Will you be ready?
You can start the process of building an enjoyable marriage today by embracing the life God has for you and by learning what makes lasting, loving relationships work.
After my first engagement fell apart, a friend sat down beside me and asked, "Aww Kim, why did you guys break up?" I sighed and responded, "It just wasn't working out. I think God has a better way of doing relationships, and I am going to find out how to do them."
I FOUND OUT HOW, AND I CAME BACK TO SHARE IT WITH YOU.
243 pages, Paperback
Published January 1, 2017
98 people are currently reading
749 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 75 reviews
July 20, 2022
Okay would usually not have read this bc not my stage of life & don’t wanna feel sad / looks cheesy? But WOW. 1. Legit felt like the lord led me to this book. 2. Learned so much. Regardless if marriage is ever in the picture for me I feel like I learned how to be a better follower of Christ & love well! & if I do get married like wife status just elevated for sure
January 9, 2025
Positives: preaches self-love and not basing your self-worth on having a man.
Negatives: it felt like bible study. Doesn't tell you how to do the thing, just references some books for you to check out.
Negatives: it felt like bible study. Doesn't tell you how to do the thing, just references some books for you to check out.
January 5, 2025
Wow!! This book really changed my single life. I HIGHLY recommend this to every single woman...even if you're dating...and honestly even if you're married and want a strong marriage. If you are looking for some solid, practical, Christian wisdom, get this book just do it!
Basically if you are reading this review...of you came to this page...if you fit any of the characteristics I mention...GET THE BOOK. Come back and we'll discuss!
Basically if you are reading this review...of you came to this page...if you fit any of the characteristics I mention...GET THE BOOK. Come back and we'll discuss!
June 24, 2018
I love that this book is both light hearted but Kim doesn’t shy away from bringing truth. I’d say it’s a must read for any girl, any stage. It was created for a single girl but her principles still apply even when married. I learned a ton! And i loved that she gives applications at the end of each chapter so you truly put into practice what you read.
April 30, 2025
This book has been sitting on my shelf for a long while & man I wish I would have read when I was younger! As a part of my alphabet shelf series on my bookstagram I initially wrote down this book as a joke. Associated with the letter Y as in "Y is this book on my shelf" I kind of wrote it off. While I do think many of the lessons in this book I've learned through college and my post grad years I would have loved to have read something like this is high school to apply even earlier. The chapter on prayer definitely my favorite, but absolutely recommend to any single gal out there!
December 3, 2025
I was very cynically curious about this book as most Christian dating books I've read lack humility and recognition of the complexity of relationships, and instead offer a formula for dating that becomes a prosperity gospel. Surprisingly for this cynic, this was fairly practical and humble, offering self reflections more than condemnation and felt like a mentor giving advice.
February 18, 2018
I've heard a lot of talks about dating but Kim's perspective and advice on relationships is UNPARALLELED! There is so much truth, vulnerability, and honesty in her writing and she makes you feel as if you are grabbing a cup of coffee with her and she is sharing her stories. I recommend this book to everyone I can!!
August 28, 2022
Dang, big perspectives on how to live in singleness and the God's plan for womanhood in all stages of life. So so good! Especially for the single girls.
February 25, 2024
This book was so good! It taught me so many lessons on how to grow my relationship with the Lord to prepare myself well for what never He may have in store! As a college girl, it’s really easy to fall into the boat of wanting to get married, and this book helped show me that God is using this time to prepare my heart and show how I need to prioritize Him before I can let another man into my heart. Cannot recommend it enough! Already loaned it to another girl and am sure it will make its way around my friend group!
December 11, 2021
Shoutout to Kate for telling me about this book lol
A good one!
“Your single years are a rare and precious time that you should make the most of. Don’t waste these years pining for what you don’t have. Instead, enjoy what you do have! You have a God who wants a relationship with you. Get to know Him and enjoy what He has done for you.”
A good one!
“Your single years are a rare and precious time that you should make the most of. Don’t waste these years pining for what you don’t have. Instead, enjoy what you do have! You have a God who wants a relationship with you. Get to know Him and enjoy what He has done for you.”
January 6, 2026
An AMAZING read!!! Great for single + in relationships girls following God and learning how to navigate what a relationship and future marriage will look like alongside their walk with God! Currently recommending to any girls I meet!!
January 5, 2026
This was so helpful to understanding what marriage looks like, why culture’s view of marriage often ends in heartbreak, and how to prepare now for marriage.
September 27, 2023
So good! This book offers so much truth and wisdom about relationships and marriage and how God has designed these gifts for His people. I love that after each chapter she gives practical advice! Great read!
September 13, 2025
Great book! This was full of practical advice and she always came from a place of relatability and genuine care.
January 31, 2018
I really loved this book. I heard Kim Vollendorf speak at a Fellowship of NWA women's retreat this past year (the first year they had breakout sessions for single women). She really gets what it's like to be single well into your young adult-hood and watch as everyone around you seems to be falling in love. Be prepared to cry a bit, but it feels good to be understood. I underlined a lot in each chapter, but some major take-a-ways for me include:
1) Make sure you are preparing to be the kind of person the person you are looking for is looking for.
2) Those giddy feelings of romantic love only last on average 2 years.
3) Master, Mission, Mate...in that order. Determine your Master (God hopefully), determine your mission in life, then once you are on that road start looking beside you to see who is also on that road who would make a good mate so you can serve God together.
4) Be very careful with friendships with men. Be careful your heart does not get too attached so you are not devastated when they "do not chose you". Guard your heart and if you need to, tell them you need to not spend so much time together. Pray for the future wives of your guy friends which might help put things in perspective.
5) The hormone oxytocin attaches you to those you are intimate with and can lead to a skewed perspective.
6) God is able to bring a husband even when it seems impossible (cool stories, read them!).
7)Pray for your single lady friends and their future husbands....we should all be praying for each other!
8) In a Godly relationship the women should not initiate...it should be the man (it's how we are designed). It can be frustrating, but if he is not specifically declaring interest he is not in a position to be the leader of a family. A lot of guys have gotten used to letting women do the initiating (it's easier, but not God's plan!)
1) Make sure you are preparing to be the kind of person the person you are looking for is looking for.
2) Those giddy feelings of romantic love only last on average 2 years.
3) Master, Mission, Mate...in that order. Determine your Master (God hopefully), determine your mission in life, then once you are on that road start looking beside you to see who is also on that road who would make a good mate so you can serve God together.
4) Be very careful with friendships with men. Be careful your heart does not get too attached so you are not devastated when they "do not chose you". Guard your heart and if you need to, tell them you need to not spend so much time together. Pray for the future wives of your guy friends which might help put things in perspective.
5) The hormone oxytocin attaches you to those you are intimate with and can lead to a skewed perspective.
6) God is able to bring a husband even when it seems impossible (cool stories, read them!).
7)Pray for your single lady friends and their future husbands....we should all be praying for each other!
8) In a Godly relationship the women should not initiate...it should be the man (it's how we are designed). It can be frustrating, but if he is not specifically declaring interest he is not in a position to be the leader of a family. A lot of guys have gotten used to letting women do the initiating (it's easier, but not God's plan!)
September 7, 2021
I really appreciate that this book exists. I think it covers the basis of what young women should be keeping in mind if Christ-centered marriage and partnership is what they desire for their lives someday. As Kim writes, it can be difficult to seek out and find these older women mentors to walk beside you in the many trials any marriage will face, and I deeply admired how you could see that Kim really poured out a lot of her own direct experience on love, one of the most vulnerable experience to talk about. I also enjoyed that she covered a vast array of topics even for the purpose of own self-development and responsibility, not just marriage itself.
I'll definitely be recommending this awesome resource to fellow women and know I'll be referring to it in many different seasons of life! Thank you so much Kim, for your kindness and wisdom. It really felt like we were grabbing a cup of coffee and opening our hearts up to each other.
I'll definitely be recommending this awesome resource to fellow women and know I'll be referring to it in many different seasons of life! Thank you so much Kim, for your kindness and wisdom. It really felt like we were grabbing a cup of coffee and opening our hearts up to each other.
September 21, 2023
Such a fun and easy read — this was the perfect Bible study book to work through and covered so many different applicable topics. Great whether you’re single or not!!
March 13, 2024
I will forever be grateful to my counselor, who said, "Have you read this book?" when I was breaking down crying in her office about another guy who wanted to treat me like his girlfriend without any commitment. I was having another moment when it felt like "the guy meets everything on the list except for actually pursuing me the way God commands." She said that this book would provide me with healthy steps to grow in my relationship with the Lord and the brothers in Christ in my life, and she was absolutely right.
This book has changed my life as a supplement to what the Lord has already been teaching me this season. It is phenomenal, arguably the best book I have read on this subject. I credit this to the fact that it's written by a woman who really gets it. She understands the heart of the single girl, whether called to marriage or not. She has been through it and now stands on the other side, victorious in Christ.
If you, dear review reader, knew me personally, you would know that I have despised books about relationships in the past. Unfortunately, even as a wholehearted believer in Christ, Christian "dating" and relationship books left me with a bad taste in my mouth. Most of the authors I have come across are men, who, while well-meaning and bringing some wisdom, don't actually understand what it's like to be a woman, especially the "always a bridesmaid" single woman. They write as if women have men pursuing them left and right, and the responsibility to "be better" in relationships is on us entirely. Everything is the woman's choice, the woman's fault, the woman's responsibility, purity is on the woman to walk in, etc. I'm not saying all books written by Christian men are not valuable in this area; they certainly are, and I could list some helpful ones. However, they naturally focus more on what benefits men because that is the life experience that those authors possess.
Kim Vollendorf doesn't do that. She acknowledges the responsibility required of both women and men in relationships. She writes with empathy and compassion for the woman who hasn't been pursued or who has been hurt in past relationships. She doesn't just speak on theories and concepts but on how to actually implement them. Most importantly, all of her points are supported by Scripture, and she leans on Christ the entire way through. I left this book feeling encouraged, empowered, and closer to Christ. I left this book not focusing on marriage but on growing in my relationship with Christ and better loving and serving Him and the people around me. The benefits that will be reaped in future marriage from having this knowledge and implementing strategies are just a plus for me.
Whether you're single, dating, engaged, or married, whether you think God is calling you to marriage in the future or to a single life serving Him, this book will benefit you. It will grow your walk with the Lord and improve your relationships with others.
I wish I had this book as a teenager instead of just the bland youth group messages about virginity and about how dating should be for marriage. What are kids supposed to do without people discipling them in what relationships are actually meant to be? How can they date to marry if they don't know what a healthy marriage should be? What is healthy dating?
Vollendorf's book is a step in the right direction regarding all those questions. So I recommend it entirely!
This book has changed my life as a supplement to what the Lord has already been teaching me this season. It is phenomenal, arguably the best book I have read on this subject. I credit this to the fact that it's written by a woman who really gets it. She understands the heart of the single girl, whether called to marriage or not. She has been through it and now stands on the other side, victorious in Christ.
If you, dear review reader, knew me personally, you would know that I have despised books about relationships in the past. Unfortunately, even as a wholehearted believer in Christ, Christian "dating" and relationship books left me with a bad taste in my mouth. Most of the authors I have come across are men, who, while well-meaning and bringing some wisdom, don't actually understand what it's like to be a woman, especially the "always a bridesmaid" single woman. They write as if women have men pursuing them left and right, and the responsibility to "be better" in relationships is on us entirely. Everything is the woman's choice, the woman's fault, the woman's responsibility, purity is on the woman to walk in, etc. I'm not saying all books written by Christian men are not valuable in this area; they certainly are, and I could list some helpful ones. However, they naturally focus more on what benefits men because that is the life experience that those authors possess.
Kim Vollendorf doesn't do that. She acknowledges the responsibility required of both women and men in relationships. She writes with empathy and compassion for the woman who hasn't been pursued or who has been hurt in past relationships. She doesn't just speak on theories and concepts but on how to actually implement them. Most importantly, all of her points are supported by Scripture, and she leans on Christ the entire way through. I left this book feeling encouraged, empowered, and closer to Christ. I left this book not focusing on marriage but on growing in my relationship with Christ and better loving and serving Him and the people around me. The benefits that will be reaped in future marriage from having this knowledge and implementing strategies are just a plus for me.
Whether you're single, dating, engaged, or married, whether you think God is calling you to marriage in the future or to a single life serving Him, this book will benefit you. It will grow your walk with the Lord and improve your relationships with others.
I wish I had this book as a teenager instead of just the bland youth group messages about virginity and about how dating should be for marriage. What are kids supposed to do without people discipling them in what relationships are actually meant to be? How can they date to marry if they don't know what a healthy marriage should be? What is healthy dating?
Vollendorf's book is a step in the right direction regarding all those questions. So I recommend it entirely!
June 24, 2025
I just have no words to express how grateful I am for this book at this moment of my life. There were a couple of books for me to choose, but I saw this and thought: "I don't like this topic, I don't even know if I'll have a husband, why in the world would I be praying for something I don't know I'll have and just assuming I'll have?" And that's why I chose it. Well, bless the Lord, cause this book is now in my top 5 of the best books I've ever read in my entire life.
I loved that we have at the beginning of each chapter experiences from other girls, it's such a unique way to include other girls' life experiences and to feel more connected with the book. I loved the resources, the clear steps!! It's so good, I couldn't stop taking pictures and sharing them with my friends, I couldn't put this book down. The perfect timing for this book to be in my life is crazy.
I loved the freedom that it gave me because while I was reading I was understanding the title of the book (That once had caused me a lot of judgement). I didn't want to write letters to my future husband, or praying for that cause I felt like I was demanding God for something I don't know I'll have, cause nowhere else in the Bible I've been promised a husband. The shock that I got when I read:
"I knew that God had never promised me a husband, but one day it hit me that He had never promised me that I would be single forever either."
I WAS SHOCKED. That was literally my last argument for not agreeing with the title of this book and I got my answer literally here!!
"I'm going to trust His decision either way, but I feel the freedom (I felt no freedom at all to ask God about it) to humbly ask God for what I think I need or want. God is not a genie in a lamp, but as my Father, I can approach Him and ask. I don't want to be guilty of not believing that He is able to do something or not even asking Him about it."
🥹😭 It's just like, why didn't I want to pray to MY God about this? He knows my heart, and He wants me to ask and to pray for my anxieties and everything. Why in the world wouldn't I pray for that? Why in the world wouldn't I love my husband before even having one?!
Thank You, Lord, for this book. Your perfect timing is crazy. I loved this book — a lot of laughs, a lot of beautiful reminders. I am in more freedom now, knowing that God wants to hear my prayers and knowing that I can love my husband before even having one.
⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
I loved that we have at the beginning of each chapter experiences from other girls, it's such a unique way to include other girls' life experiences and to feel more connected with the book. I loved the resources, the clear steps!! It's so good, I couldn't stop taking pictures and sharing them with my friends, I couldn't put this book down. The perfect timing for this book to be in my life is crazy.
I loved the freedom that it gave me because while I was reading I was understanding the title of the book (That once had caused me a lot of judgement). I didn't want to write letters to my future husband, or praying for that cause I felt like I was demanding God for something I don't know I'll have, cause nowhere else in the Bible I've been promised a husband. The shock that I got when I read:
"I knew that God had never promised me a husband, but one day it hit me that He had never promised me that I would be single forever either."
I WAS SHOCKED. That was literally my last argument for not agreeing with the title of this book and I got my answer literally here!!
"I'm going to trust His decision either way, but I feel the freedom (I felt no freedom at all to ask God about it) to humbly ask God for what I think I need or want. God is not a genie in a lamp, but as my Father, I can approach Him and ask. I don't want to be guilty of not believing that He is able to do something or not even asking Him about it."
🥹😭 It's just like, why didn't I want to pray to MY God about this? He knows my heart, and He wants me to ask and to pray for my anxieties and everything. Why in the world wouldn't I pray for that? Why in the world wouldn't I love my husband before even having one?!
Thank You, Lord, for this book. Your perfect timing is crazy. I loved this book — a lot of laughs, a lot of beautiful reminders. I am in more freedom now, knowing that God wants to hear my prayers and knowing that I can love my husband before even having one.
⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
June 8, 2023
I’ll say this much… I was honestly embarrassed to admit that I bought this book, let alone that I was actually reading it. I mean, I’m 39 years old and I’ve never been married. That’s been a combination of being afraid of “settling” for the wrong guy and just dating men that were not good for me.
But now having finished this book, I realize I have a lot to think about in regards to myself and what I’m really looking for. Like attracts like, and I have to admit… I don’t think *I* would want to marry me right now.
While this book was a quick read with relatable stories from the author’s life woven into the scripture and the actions she suggests to take, it was heavy with things to consider. “Would a man with [the qualities I am looking for] be looking for a woman like [me]?”
This book has a few chapters I scoffed at, but even those still had some truths that I needed to hear. Overall, it got me to realize that taking care of myself is exactly what I need to be doing right now. And there are 17 chapters here to suggest ways to do just that.
But now having finished this book, I realize I have a lot to think about in regards to myself and what I’m really looking for. Like attracts like, and I have to admit… I don’t think *I* would want to marry me right now.
While this book was a quick read with relatable stories from the author’s life woven into the scripture and the actions she suggests to take, it was heavy with things to consider. “Would a man with [the qualities I am looking for] be looking for a woman like [me]?”
This book has a few chapters I scoffed at, but even those still had some truths that I needed to hear. Overall, it got me to realize that taking care of myself is exactly what I need to be doing right now. And there are 17 chapters here to suggest ways to do just that.
June 23, 2018
I had the privilege of hearing Kim speak my freshman year of college, which was a very strong factor that led me to following Jesus. I had gotten advice from my friends, family, society on how to build a strong relationship and marriage, but I had never received wisdom like hers. Her wisdom stemmed from the Bible and needless to say, it rocked my world. Her words in "Loving Your Husband Before You Have One" to young women are centered on God's Word, and from a genuine, loving heart that desires for women of all ages (regardless of relationship status!!!) to have a godly, healthy, and lasting marriage. She communicates the content of the book in a way that is relevant and humorous but that is also authentic and full of truth. I have awaited this book for many years and finished it as quickly as my schedule would allow. I am so excited to give copies of this book as gifts for my friends and loved ones, now and for years to come!
April 30, 2025
I wanted to love this book, and more importantly, I wanted to finish this book, but I can’t.
The author of this book obviously cares very much about touching the lives of young single women, but her way of writing to convey the message is frankly very hard to read. The writing comes off as very juvenile, and as a 31 year old woman, I don’t want to be addressed the way that the author speaks to her audience. This book is likely better suited for a very young woman, with less life experience.
Ultimately, I had to DNF on page 128, when the author decides to explicitly divide her audience and assert that a study done by the University of Chicago found that women having the best sex are conservative, married Protestant women. It’s become frustrating for me as a Catholic to regularly encounter this “us versus them” attitude in Protestant literature, so I will be donating this book back to the friend that gave it to me.
The author of this book obviously cares very much about touching the lives of young single women, but her way of writing to convey the message is frankly very hard to read. The writing comes off as very juvenile, and as a 31 year old woman, I don’t want to be addressed the way that the author speaks to her audience. This book is likely better suited for a very young woman, with less life experience.
Ultimately, I had to DNF on page 128, when the author decides to explicitly divide her audience and assert that a study done by the University of Chicago found that women having the best sex are conservative, married Protestant women. It’s become frustrating for me as a Catholic to regularly encounter this “us versus them” attitude in Protestant literature, so I will be donating this book back to the friend that gave it to me.
April 27, 2021
I honestly think that everyone should read this book. Even though it's aimed to be for us, single girls, I do think that lots of married women can also take advantage of the outpouring knowledge Kim shares with us in this book.
I bought it on Friday and by Monday evening I had already finished reading it. Took lots of notes and will start implementing the tips that I can on this season of my life.
This will be for sure a book I'll come back to when I'm in need of encouragement.
Relationships are hard (that does not mean they are bad or undoable - but it is a lot of work to be done that we sometimes oversee in our wishes/attempts to not be single anymore), being single is also hard - and Kim beautifully acknowledges these two seasons and encourages us to find the beauty and the perks of both. And let's use our single period wisely, ladies.
I bought it on Friday and by Monday evening I had already finished reading it. Took lots of notes and will start implementing the tips that I can on this season of my life.
This will be for sure a book I'll come back to when I'm in need of encouragement.
Relationships are hard (that does not mean they are bad or undoable - but it is a lot of work to be done that we sometimes oversee in our wishes/attempts to not be single anymore), being single is also hard - and Kim beautifully acknowledges these two seasons and encourages us to find the beauty and the perks of both. And let's use our single period wisely, ladies.
December 31, 2022
This book changed my entire perspective on Godly pursuits in my relationships with the men in my life. It gave me a love for praying for my brothers in Christ and their future wives along side prayer for my future husband. Kim did an excellent job of displaying Godly ways to love your roommates, friends, family, and God in so many amazing ways. I gave this book to my boyfriend to read before we started dating to show the boundaries and expectations I have for my relationships. That’s how amazing this book is. Would recommend giving to girls as young as Jr. High to start their pursuit of giving God their heart for marriage.
March 8, 2025
I really liked this book. The first half talks about a need to develop deep intimacy with God. My favorite part was this sentence when someone said to Kim “My most intimate moments in life have been with God” (that isn’t word for word). The second half is very practical also giving advice in managing money, making a home, cooking food, etc. Developing deep intimacy with God and learning how to manage your life are key to have contentment in singleness and prepare well for if God has you get married! Great book and shows me how much I have to learn about God and many other parts of life He wants me to steward well.
March 22, 2020
I wish I could give this book 6 stars!! So insightful into how to love God deeply first and then everything else after that. I love the use of bible verses throughout the text and loved how she paralleled almost every piece of advice and pointed it back to what God says about xyz. Thank you for writing such a fantastic book and giving me so many things to think about from finances, to habits, to seeking wise council. I loved it all.
April 18, 2022
This book is amazing! Completely changed my view on singleness and want it means to be content in the Lord. This book is less about marriage and more about what it means to be a woman actively pursuing the Lord in EVERY aspect of her life, including but not limited to dating and marriage. I think that every young Christian woman should read this book. It changed my walk with the Lord and the way I view relationships for the better.
January 18, 2025
This book said a lot of really great things! I didn’t always 100% agree with where the author was coming from with her points, but I found something to take away from each of her points that could constitute a whole month(s)-long Bible study. I would definitely recommend to others! And will be personally recommending to some friends for sure! This subject of preparing for marriage is something that doesn’t get talked about enough in our modern culture.
September 15, 2025
I enjoyed that this book was catered to girls who were single but could be in a multitude of spaces, she could be a believer, walking with the Lord for a long time, dating, newly single, engaged, never been on a date before or hasn’t been on one in years. Wherever she is this book helps guide the reader through basic principles with a variety of perspectives and lots of wisdom. I also love that Kim added a message at the end of the book sharing the Good News—it never gets old!
Displaying 1 - 30 of 75 reviews