Happier Now: How to Stop Chasing Perfection and Embrace Everyday Moments

by Nataly Kogan

This isn’t a book about positive thinking, silver linings, or always being happy. This is a book about living fully in good times and bad, and enjoying life more because of it.

In her debut book Happier Now, nationally recognized happiness expert Nataly Kogan teaches readers how to stop searching for some elusive “big happy” in the future and start finding more joy in everyday moments. Drawing from science, Eastern traditions, her experience as a refugee, and her own failing search to find lasting happiness through career success, Nataly shares simple practices to help readers live happier and have greater resilience when times get tough. Readers will learn how to experience more joy and meaning, boost their “emotional immune system,” and embrace difficult times with compassion and stability.

It’s time to stop saying, “I’ll be happy when . . .” and start saying, “I’m happy now because . . .”

Genres: Nonfiction, Self Help, Personal Growth, Psychology, Mental Health, Personal Development

256 pages, Hardcover

First published May 1, 2018

Reviews

[Tori (Book Chick) · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book doesn't show you some secret path to a happy life. It shows you how to find happiness on the path, in the journey, now. Attitude is everything. When we look for the good, live in the moment, and show gratitude for what we have, we "find" the secret to happiness.

[Genevieve Grace · Rating 4 out of 5]

I was hoping this book had some magic bullet that would suddenly unlock the unknown secret to happiness. Unfortunately, it has no magic bullet. It has all the things my mom tried to tell me -- the things I always rolled my eyes at. However, as is often true for some reason, this book's advice is easier to listen to than that of one's mom.

Some things missed the mark for me. I am haunted by the need for perfection, but I am the common, garden variety "Paralyzed Lazy Perfectionist" in contrast to Nataly Kogan's "Can't Stop Won't Stop Perfectionist" so some of her issues weren't quite as relatable to me. Most of the points, though, were right on the mark.

Some highlights of my mom's classic advice, made more palatable from the mouth of a stranger:

• Let go of the idea that perfection is attainable.

• Basking in the joy of little ordinary good things is the foundation of happiness: not the huge, milestone achievements that you think will make you happy.

• Daily, practiced gratefulness for what goes right is the only way to combat the brain's instinctive tendency to predominantly focus on and notice all the bad.

• Choosing to see the good isn't self-delusional. It is exercising your free choice to define whether to write your life story in lines of suffering or happiness.

There is quite a bit more, and several hard-hitting quotes I would include, except it's not politic to include quotes of not-yet-published books. The only point where I regressed to my teenage self and rolled my eyes so hard I could see my own brain was at the "You don't have to. You GET to!" part. I guess I'm just not mature enough to swallow that one yet. Sorry Mom.

[Janice · Rating 4 out of 5]

I found this book inspirational and thought-provoking. I especially liked the questions she posed for the reader to work on. Basically, my two biggest takeaways are to look for the good and to practice gratitude. Just doing these two things have made a difference for me. Recommended.

My thanks to NetGalley for providing me with an eARC in exchange for my honest review.

[Katarina · Rating 3 out of 5]

***I received a free copy in return for an honest review***

The author's backstory was intriguing and relate-able, but I felt like it took too long to get into the actual advice for readers. It made me lose interest in the book. I prefer short and to-the-point self-help books.

[Jan Vernor-howard · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is full of great ideas for increasing the joy in our lives, and therefore the lives of others. I have so enjoyed everything I have read and listened to by Nataly Kogan! Grab the Happier app and get some more
Tips yourself!

[Lonny Northrup · Rating 5 out of 5]

Outstanding, deeply authentic, practical, accessible, life changing.

Having been a student and advocate of positive psychology for nearly 18 years, this is yet another triumph in the movement. To me, Nataly is among the ranks of other luminaries in this field like Marty Seligman, Barbara Fredrickson, Sonja Lyubomirsky, Robert Emmons, Brene Brown and others.

This book is an exceptional autobiography of a truly amazing person changing the lives of millions of people through helping people to find happiness in the present moment, in their current circumstances (good and bad).

Nataly brings things to the field that other leaders haven’t achieved in the same way in my opinion.

- An active community of millions of people

- A deeply personal, vulnerable, authentic detailing of her journey that makes the concepts more real and accessible.

- While most of the concepts covered are core to the findings of positive psychology, she brings to life the principle of embracing and fully experiencing the negative in life to flow through those experiences and be changed for the better. Like Barbara Fredrickson’s landmark observations of 3:1 and 5:1 ratios of positive to negative in our lives to reach a point of flourishing in life and relationships. Nataly’s experience and explanations and examples reinforce this principle that the ratios are not 3:0 or 5:0. We can’t fully benefit from the positive without the negative.

- An exceptionally charismatic person that has been blessed with a life mission. While the other authors and researchers also have a life mission to help others, Nataly brings an enthusiasm like a phoenix rising from the ashes of challenges that is unique and will make these life changing principles accessible to even more people.

- Through the amazing Happier community, Nataly illustrates the principles with meaningful and moving real life examples from people like the rest of us willing to be vulnerable and share their experiences for the benefit of others.

While I could highlight so many more things and reiterate many of the great principles from the book, I will keep this short and say just one thing:

Nataly is fulfilling part of her mission in life in a way that will impact millions for good and we are among those beneficiaries.

Thank you, Thank you, Thank you

PS. The intentional daily kindness has improved my life on 4-5 occasions (so far) and hopefully were an improvement for those on the receiving end of the more kind version of me.

[Grace · Rating 4 out of 5]

A few months ago, my father came home from work with two copies of this book for my sister and I. He said he got them from a book signing and that it reminded him of us. He described his experience with meeting the author and how interesting her views and philosophies on life were. He could have droned on for hours if I didn't still have homework to finish up. I was excited to read this book from the beginning; I had never read a memoir before (mostly because they seemed boring to me) and I was eager to start it as soon as possible.

Nataly Kogan, CEO of the Happier app and author of this book, tells her story of struggle with tips and practices for readers to try sprinkled into each chapter. She moved to America when she was a child with her parents and seemingly needed to start her life all over again. Obviously, all of her hard work payed off, but she found herself feeling depressed and arguing with her family members often. When finally one of her colleagues told her that he was concerned and wanted to help her, she began her journey of researching what it really is to be happy and how we as humans can life our best life.

Kogan has journal practices in her book along with instructions on how we can stay positive and feel every emotion, including the bad ones, instead of bottling them up inside until we simply can't hold them in any longer. Some practices seemed silly to me at the time but I wrote everything she told me to whether it was the things I was grateful for or something in my life that I didn't like. These practices made me feel lighter and I plan on using the gratitude project from now on. This book is great for people who are struggling or having a tough time paving the way for the life they want to have.

Although some parts of the book seemed boring or ridiculous to me, I would say that this book has proven to be a very positive and healing experience for me and I hope that when my sister finally gets off her phone and reads her copy that she will agree. Being happy is hard to do; Kogan highlights this in her writing, but she also explains that being unhappy is okay. In order to get over the negative things in our lives, we must endure and accept that it is what it is. It's a difficult practice but now that I have learned more about it, I plan on practicing it more often in order to have a happier, brighter future.

[Shalyce · Rating 3 out of 5]

I listened to this on Hoopla. At one point I almost stopped listening because some of her suggestions may have had me rolling my eyes a bit and I got pretty bored with it at one point. I persisted and the end made up for it as she shared some good information. I wouldn't say there is anything especially profound or earth shattering in "Happier Now" but it is a good overview of many of the findings in happiness research and Nataly shares some interesting personal experiences and insights. For anyone who hasn't read much on the topic, this is, for the most part, a well rounded book on practices that will increase your happiness and contentment with life. Some gems... some "meh" parts.

[Jess · Rating 5 out of 5]

Last year, when I filed for divorce, I tried to go on a sort of “Eat, Pray, Love”-esque journey to uncover meaning in my life and find true happiness. I wasn’t backed by major publishing company funding, however, so I took some PTO from my job at the time, packed up my car, and embarked on a 10-day, 4,000-mile solo road trip through the American Midwest.

While bunking with friends along the way (and spending one very uncomfortable night in the front seat of my Corolla), I drank cocktails atop the Hancock Tower in Chicago, ate the best barbecue of my life in Kansas City, Mo., touched dinosaur footprints and fossils outside Denver, and strolled along the Mississippi River in WWE Superstar Seth Rollins’ hometown of Davenport, Iowa. I drove for 24 of the last 30 hours I was on the road, from a rest stop outside Cleveland back to my home north of Boston, and I’ve never felt so determined in my life.

The experience was life-changing. It gave me a boost of adrenaline and confidence, along with a deep sense of short-term accomplishment. But soon after, I was back in my routine and feeling just as lost as when I started my divorce paperwork. Why? Because happiness is a choice – and not necessarily an easy one. I wanted a perfect life, and I thought some signatures on court documents and a once-in-a-lifetime adventure would create it. However, I slowly figured out that I was running away rather than doing the hard work it would take to live a truly happy life.

This is the lesson Nataly Kogan teaches us in “Happier Now: How to Stop Chasing Perfection and Embrace Everyday Moments (Even the Difficult Ones)” – and she does it step by step, very strategically, so we never feel so overwhelmed that we throw down our journals and try to drive cross-country instead.

The root of being happier

Part memoir and part guide, “Happier Now” takes readers first through Nataly’s own journey, beginning with her immigrating to the United States as a refugee from the former Soviet Union. She chronicles her time as a young teenager struggling to learn English and her hesitation to have fun along with the rest of her family when they found joy in simple experiences. She felt a certain power in wallowing in her misery – and it took her years to learn it wasn’t worth it.

After climbing to the highest echelons of corporate success in her early 20s and during the initial period of launching her popular Happier app to help people practice gratitude, Nataly hit rock bottom. She felt crippled by the responsibility she had to her staff, family, and community members, and she continually denied herself self-care, choosing instead to embrace grit and push forward despite feeling exhausted and overwhelmed.

Seeing her pain and desperation, a friend and investor finally convinced her to begin working not with a therapist, she says, but a “spiritual guide.” With the help of her guide, by doing tons of research, and practicing what she learned through trial and error, Nataly discovered that happiness isn’t just an emotion, but a skill that can be honed.

“To survive, we have to quickly learn how to overcome challenges and get used to the changes they bring. But this adaptability also means that we can easily take for granted the good that is already present in our daily lives,” she writes in the chapter on gratitude. “That means we need to fight a bit harder for our moments of joy.”

While fighting for joy may sound counterintuitive, it makes sense when you put it into perspective. We’re all struck with moments or even days of elation, but many of us struggle to cultivate long-term, consistent, unbridled happiness in this tough, busy world. We look outside ourselves to other people and experiences while neglecting to deal with the discontent within.

Actionable lessons in happiness

In “Happier Now,” Nataly teaches us how to develop what she calls “daily anchors” – small habits that help us to cultivate our emotional health, resilience, and joy. She intersperses journaling exercises throughout the narrative, all designed to help readers uncover what’s holding them back and how they can push past it.

“Anyone can practice becoming happier – we don’t need to dramatically change our lives or, say, go to Nepal for a year to meditate,” she writes. “For me, reframing being happier in this way was a life-altering shift. Once I let go of the idea that more hard work and suffering were going to bring me to a state of pure bliss, I could consider what I needed to do to be happier now, in the present moment.”

In later chapters, Nataly walks us through her “five core Happier Skills”: acceptance, gratitude, intentional kindness, the bigger why (connecting to purpose and meaning), and self-care. They are all backed by research in psychology and sociology, and the exercises Nataly gives for each were inspired by her own experiences and those of her community members, whose stories she also shares throughout the book.

While I’d already figured out that trying to escape the negative feelings that come along with divorce wasn’t going to work, I didn’t know for sure what would. Using the guidance and practices in this book, I’ve begun journaling again and processing the last few years of my life, which includes being deeply grateful for the support of my family and friends and for my current relationship. If you’re going through any kind of struggle in your personal or professional life, this kind of in-depth personal exploration can only help.

Discussion questions for April

Join us over in the Facebook group all month long to chat with your peers and answer these book club discussion questions, adapted from Nataly’s practices:

1. How does practicing gratitude when you’re feeling annoyed or challenged help you? (Related practice: “Gratitude Antidote”)

2. What small moments, when you stop to savor them, give you joy? (Related practice: “Five-Minute Joy Break”)

3. How often do you practice gratitude at work? What would make it easier and more of a habit? (Related practice: “Creating a Gratitude Ritual”)

4. What strengths do you have, and how do they contribute to meaning in your life and career? (Related practice: “Identify Your Strengths”)

5. How do you connect to a sense of purpose or meaning (your “bigger why”) as you move through your workday? (Related practice: “To-Do List Makeover”)

This review originally appeared on the Workhuman blog: https://www.workhuman.com/resource-ce...

Join the Workhuman Book Club here: https://www.facebook.com/groups/workh...

[Monica Metzger · Rating 5 out of 5]

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ for my 20th and last book of January.
I have never read so many books before in one month, and choosing this one to finish off my January reads was the best decision ever. The right book at the right moment.
I have been going through a phase of uncertainty, my confidence weakened, searching for answers...and this book opened up a wide door of support and understanding.
I would highly recommend anyone to read this, regardless of your personal life circumstances: it’s a great reminder to love ourselves, to cut ourselves some slack, to be understanding and forgiving, and how much our mental health affects anything in life.
Acceptance, gratitude, intentional kindness, the bigger why and self care are the pillars of this amazing book.
Do yourself a favor and read it. You will thank me later
@natalykogan thank you for this #happiernowbook

[Kristen · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read/listened to something else by this author and enjoyed it, so I was excited to get to this one. I will say, if you've listened to her other one there is definitely some repetition, but I don't mind that - I love books like these even if they don't have anything new to think about, because they inspire and motivate me. They make me think about things and try to do better. Then of course, a week later I am back to my normal self and forgotten everything that was thought provoking about the book. So I didn't mind a little repetition between this book and the last because it kind of made me sheepishly go 'yes, you've heard this before and you still didn't do it?' and motivated and inspired me some more. Anyway. Am I magically 'fixed' or happy? Nah, but I do feel like I have more in my box of tools to get me there, you know? Baby steps are better than no steps.

[KK · Rating 5 out of 5]

Loved this book!!! Must read for ever human being!

[Melissa Kelleher · Rating 4 out of 5]

It was good and thought provoking. Dave’s company had all the partners read it so I decided to, too.

[Nastya Khyzhniak · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book reminds me a lot about mindfulness practices I used to with Headspace. It doesn't give you the x-steps program to get to a happier place but rather teaches you to appreciate what you have at the moment. Maybe, if you start paying more attention it will turn out that you've been in that magical happy place all along?

[John · Rating 5 out of 5]

I had the opportunity to read a pre-published copy of this book. Nataly offers simple but profound truths that can benefit people. There is so much more I need to say, but I highly recommend this book.

[Hisgirl85 · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.5 stars. This had some helpful practices and was kind of mixed with real-life experiences of the author. I enjoyed it and liked some of the exercises. I may revisit sooner rather than later to glean more.

[Susanna S · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was fortunate enough to get a digital copy of this wonderful book before it was officially released to the public. While I'm only half-way through, I've already fallen in love with the book. Nataly Kogan has a way of making you feel like you're old friends by the way she tells her stories through her writing. There are wonderful, practical tips and exercises on how to create joy and happiness in your life in everyday situations, no matter how positive or negative those situations may be. It's a wonderful way to start (or end) your day and reset all yourself and dust off exhaustion and start fresh. I can highly recommend it without hesitation. Pick up a copy, you won't regret it.

[Jennifer · Rating 5 out of 5]

Just what I needed! Added this to my list of fave books 💜

"But you can't replace stress with gratitude. You can't remove anxiety with joy. You can't simply ignore the pile of painful feelings growing inside of you and cover it with gratitude like a bandage. It doesn't work that way."

"That is one of the biggest gifts of acceptance. It helps us redirect our emotional and psychological energy so that we can make decisions that better serve us and ultimately the people around us."

"It doesn't mean we forget or bury the pain, sadness, or fear. It means that even if something is heartbreaking, we allow for a tiny space to open where we can take a breath."

"It's all really about love. Not romantic love, not any specific kind of love, just love. It's within you. Find it. Nurture it. Share it. Grow it. Swim in it. It's always the right answer, although sometimes you'll have a hard time seeing it. Keep looking."

[Neil Shurley · Rating 5 out of 5]

I agree with this reviewer: "The title might look like the book is all 'you’re perfect just the way you are' bromides; but it’s very much in favor of self-improvement, tempered by realism. And the capacity to appreciate incremental gains, or see the small beauties in challenging and difficult times, may sound trivial, but it’s the foundation upon which much of our resilience is built" https://amzn.to/2FEEd9Z

[Bella98 · Rating 5 out of 5]

It was a really good read and so inspiring. Nataly’s story of her and your family immigrating from the Soviet Union was so inspiring and the persecution Jewish people faced was so heartbreaking. You have achieved what many would call the American Dream, but you’ve done so much more than that, you are changing people’s lives for the better. I am definitely going to try some of the things you talked about in the book, like being grateful for the little things in life, imagining life without the thing that I may complain about, listing 3 things to be grateful for, meditating, practicing acceptance even when things aren’t perfect, being kind to others more and finding my bigger why in life. Your story of starting out as an immigrant and starting from the bottom when going to the US, has inspired me. Thank you for writing this book. 😊

[Allisonperkel · Rating 3 out of 5]

I had the great pleasure of hearing Nataly speak recently - and she's amazing on stage. After her talk, I grabbed a copy of this book. Overall, it's not bad. It's more grounded than some of the self help books that also find their way into the happiness genre. For me, I think the biggest reason for my removal of stars is the book was a broad, shallow overview (which is ok) of happiness. One that didn't really feel like we were diving in. She mentions her company's app many times and when I went to take a look ... it's last update was over 3 years ago.

So another part of the star loss is due to the feel of a long form soft sell ( a really well done soft sell ) on Happier and then finding out Happier isn't quite being worked on ...

Still, if you are new to the idea of happiness research this is a fine place to start.

[Tana · Rating 5 out of 5]

The first half was a really quick read, setting the stage for the more in-depth material and exercises (journaling and practices) in the second half. The format was very practical -- I liked how it was structured to present exercises on each of the subject areas to build up a set of "daily anchors", and at the end of each chapter there was a check-in to determine if you should revise your daily anchors. I've read a lot of material about many of these subjects -- and found this book to be one of the more practical reads, because of the straightforward advice and the organization of the exercises. The chapter on acceptance, in particular, has already helped me in just a few weeks of practice.

My book club and I are going to try to make the impact of the book last longer by signing up to make one change and being accountable to each other, following up in a couple of months.

[Mani Ben · Rating 5 out of 5]

My first thought was that this must be some enchanted elixir that, once consumed, instantly reveals life’s elusive key to contentment. Nevertheless, there is regrettably no silver bullet involved. It includes everything others close to me have attempted to tell me, even the things I have always scoffed at and ignored. But. Reading this book and obtaining advice from it was, for some reason, far more straightforward than getting advice from one’s own family. For me, several things fell short of expectations. In contrast to Nataly Kogan, who is a “Can’t Stop Won’t Stop Perfectionist,” I am more of a “Paralyzed Lazy Perfectionist,” and as a result, I found that some of her struggles were not nearly as relatable to me as they were to her. Nevertheless, the demand for perfection continues to plague me.

[Dylan Gonzales · Rating 4 out of 5]

My aunt gave me this book as a gift during a hard semester in school. I appreciated that it was relevant to me as a teenager and it gave me some good tips to remember what was important. I like the visuals that make the lessons concrete and really enjoy being able to flip back to the pages when I have a tough day. It's interesting to learn about someone who has had so much success but also still has to continue to relearn what is most important in life.

One of my favorite concepts was the idea that having daily anchors is really important. I know that it's so easy to get distracted and influenced in life and daily anchors really help remind me what I'm working for and what I'm getting through challenges for. I was recently in a really tough situation that required me to dig deep and work hard to make it through each moment. I appreciated having this book as a resource.

[Eric · Rating 4 out of 5]

The name of book attracted me as I have a question my mind how to be happier, I was listening to the audio book during my transit between work and home, totally agree sometime we are being too harsh to myself, learn how to love myself and treat myself better definitely required. The acceptance of your feeling is another effective to recognize yourself and be yourself. Being present and being true yourself is not a life time process. one of question popup in my mind is, there is situation that happy doesn't requires any reason, all this book is talking about are all kind of ways making you happier. I would continue explore how to be happy without any reason

[Chetan · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book! Nataly has a gift for not only telling her own story, but weaving in the stories of others. These rich anecdotes make the advice she gives in the book much more real and accessible.

Nataly also weaves in her own remarkable story, and takes us deep into places that others rarely go -- such as her conversations with her spiritual coach.

I also love how she interspersed specific activities to try to help bring about real change in your life. I highly recommend to anyone interested in "happiness", personal growth, positive psychology, and living a more calm and measured life.

[Autumn · Rating 4 out of 5]

One of the best books on happiness that I have read. Nothing in this was new, but I loved the way Kogan explained the concepts. She had a lot of great personal anecdotes, and the book was well researched. It's funny how many of the same conclusions she and I have reached (although, she mentions Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs, specifically lists core principles that are essentially some of the Needs, and yet still misses how it all ties together IMO). However, she comes at the happiness problem from a different angle, and I enjoyed seeing that approach.

I have a lot more thoughts on this book that'll become blog posts, I'm sure.

[Shyla Colt · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow. Kogan promises a journey, and this book delivers. It takes you on a trip through your mind as it pushes you to examine the way you view things, how you think, and what you can change to make yourself happier. Shattering preconceived notions, using data studies, and personal experiences, she urges you to accept life as it plays out. Being happy doesn't mean not feeling negative emotions. I think that's a common misconception we all have. This book reminds us to slow down, feel our feelings, and truly experience every moment. The exercises are all easy to follow, and truly beneficial

[Sarah Lee · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really liked this book and listened to it on CD in my car while commuting. I do feel that if you really want to do any of the journaling exercises then you need to read the hard copy because I was driving I was unable to pause and write down the journal questions at the moment of hearing them so I wasn't able to work through them like I would have liked to. Otherwise if your not interested in journaling the audio version is just fine. The book had some new information and also reiterated information I have already learned.

[Andria · Rating 5 out of 5]

The woman who wrote this book has taught me so much this year. About myself. How to practice acceptance, gratitude, intentional kindness, find my bigger why (still working on this one) and the importance of self-care. This last one is hard for me. But I am learning that I can't give what I don't have. That I am enough. That in taking care of myself I can better care for those I love.

Please read this book and start these daily practices. You will change your life and the lives of those around you. And if enough of us do this, we can change the world. You are enough.