I am My Own Home and Other Essays

by Isyana Artharini

What is it about male aloneness that makes it so desirable while female aloneness is seen as less so? What is it about male aloneness that is often seen as a heroic and poetic choice, while female aloneness is generally seen to have come from a lack of options?

I am My Own Home is a documentation of what it means to be a 30-something Indonesian woman who lives alone, along with the contentment and loneliness that goes with it. Through wandering, literature, and pop culture, the essays collected here are a way to recreate the idea of 'building a home', a manifesto (of sort) of living life as one person. These stories, on flaws and trying too hard, on intensity and overthinking, and on unrequited love and unfiltered emotions, are also one woman’s way to make sense of her existence.

Genres: Nonfiction, Indonesian Literature, Feminism, Essays, Memoir

239 pages, Paperback

First published December 1, 2017

Reviews

[Steven S · Rating 3 out of 5]

Aku memberi buku keluaran Comma Books ini 3 bintang karena bisa menyaksikan pengalaman IA yang berwarna. Iya mulai dari kehidupan pribadinya hingga keputusan mencari rumah sendiri. Sungguh menyenangkan bisa mengetahui isi pikiran bahkan pemikiran-pemikiran yang blak-blakan oleh penulis.

Tulisan-tulisan Isyana di banyak bagian begitu hidup, begitu imajinatif. Isyana begitu terampil menyajikan cerita yang ngalir, nggak bikin bosen. Makanya buku ini bisa selesai kurang dari dua bulan. Kalau nggak salah.

Meski ditulis dengan bahasa Inggris dan berjudul esai-yang kesannya serius amit- namun kurasa buku berukuran mini ini bisa dinikmati para pembaca dengan enak kok. Jangan keder duluan melihat judulnya.

Turut senang buku ini kemarin cetak ulang. Berarti banyak peminatnya kan?

Buku ini saya rekomendasikan untuk dibaca para pria. Kenapa? Biar (sedikit) ngerti lah pemikiran wanita. Selain itu untuk para wanita juga. Ini untuk kalian semua.

[Nova Rizkiyah · Rating 4 out of 5]

Woho….. terima kasih Yasmin sudah merekomendasikan buku I am My Own Home and Others Essays karyanya Isyana Artharini. Alhamdulillah, akhirnya beres juga buku ini. Sebenarnya pengen beli buku fisik waktu itu, namun karena kebelet baca maka beli di google play books saja terus baca di tab dan ternyata nyaman juga baca disana, gedhe kan layarnya dibanding kindle, namun yha tidak ramah mata zizizi.

Buku ini mau direview kagak ya… satu sisi takut spoiler, satu sisi ingin memuntahkan pikiran setelah baca buku. Silahkan stop sampai disini jika teman2 tidak berkenan untuk membaca spoiler. Jika berkenan, monggo lanjut.

Langsung taktungtaraktakjes saja, bahwa garis besar buku ini tentang ‘kesendirian’ menjalani hidup sebagai wanita lajang berumur > 30 tahun. Meski aku nggak relate karena aku masih muda (haha), plus aku juga nggak relate karena aku sudah menikah namun ternyata aku bisa diajak turut serta dalam kehidupan cerita non fiksi ini. Aku suka banget bagaimana kegamangan yang ada, kayak yang ooo…. ternyata perihal terkunci di kamar mandi dalam apartemen sendiri bisa sedramatis itu. Kalau sakit dan sendiri ternyata kok sesedih itu.

Bagian awal aku suka banget dimana dia ketemu sineas filem yang suka fafifu terus sempat hidup bareng yang ternyata berakhir. Part paling suka dimana dia ngumpat bastard pas si lakik ternyata mencet pasta gigi dari tengah, aku ngakak poll.

Lalu aku mungkin agak gemes dengan beberapa part di tengah tentang jalan2 yang kadang terlalu cepat alurnya atau dan tidak jelas terus pas dia suka ngutip atau teringat quote di buku (yang ini sering banget) dimana ada bagian yang menurutku harusnya tidak perlu. Ini bagian tengah yang cukup membosankan si.

Berlanjut ke bagian akhir, favoritku dimana ia tinggal bareng sama H, seorang yang under privilese dimana mereka suka masak bareng, bertukar pikiran dan bertengkar. Menyenangkan sekali baca tulisan bagian ini.

Part fandom sampai ke Amsterdam bikin hah kok bisa seh. Tapi, aku juga agak relate sedikit. Misalnya aku ngumpulin foto2 F4 pada zamannya beli di abang2 depan sekolah pas masih SD. Meski ya agak jauh juga “modalnya” dibanding mbak Artharini yang ke Amsterdam dari Jakarta buat nonton konser.

Part terakhir itu judul buku ini diambil. Esay terakhir tentang bagaimana memiliki rumah atau umur segini apa harus punya rumah (daripada buat beli barang aneh2 atau nonton konser) dan bagaimana dia berusaha punya rumah dan tetek bengeknya, nelpon developer, juga bagian bank. Aku suka bagian menjadi dewasa ini. Hahaha…. relate sekali karena ya pasti sama2 mikir apakah perlu beli rumah dengan kenaikan harga properti tiap waktu. Juga memang apa salahnya punya rumah, kalau tidak dipaksakan kapan bisa punyanya? Gitu. Juga konsep bahwa apakah punya rumah bakal tetap disitu2 aja, padahal ada orang yang punya rumah tetap aja bisa jalan2 kemana2 dan ya misal rumahnya disewain.

Overall 4/5

[Ayik Aryoni · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is my first ever nonfiction (if I exclude all those books that I read for college and school). A collection of a (very) personal essays, 229 pages, an easy reading. This book told the story of a single woman about how it feels to be a 30-something Indonesian woman who lives alone, with all the loneliness and freedom. About what is a home, the tangible and intangible thing. It fulls of personal feeling and personal references: Some beautiful cities in Europe that I never heard, Some quotes from books that maybe I'll read, Some movies that I never saw, and Drake. This book doesn't feel relatable for my early 20s ass, but I really enjoy reading this book, especially chapter 8, Stay Inside Our Rozy-minded Fuzz and the last chapter I am my Own Home. The question about home immediately strikes my mind when I finish reading this book. A home is where or when I can feel myself, being aware of my own existence. For now, that is my definition of a home.

[Sha Hernandez · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.5/5 stars: A very light and entertaining read. (I laughed out loud a couple of times, thanks to its charming wit!) Most of the essays are relatable, especially given the specific context of the author. However, the book could still use a lot more editing in terms of topic fluidity and grammatical consistencies.

[Asri Pratiwi Wulandari · Rating 4 out of 5]

Finally read this long after a writer spilled the tea about the editorial process (or lack thereof) of the press, which i could find here and there indeed throughout reading it. It’s such a shame, for the writing itself is fun and the essays are interesting.

[Lisna Atmadiardjo · Rating 4 out of 5]

Menarik, ringan, dan relatable sama kehidupan menjelang 30 ini. Baca buku ini jadi kayak ngobrol sama diri sendiri aja sih. Kalau baca sinopsis di belakang bukunya, menduga isinya gerutuan feminis tapi topik utamanya ternyata loneliness. Sayangnya, satu essay yg tentang Drake, gue nggak bisa relate sama sekali karena gue nggak paham fandom. Di saat yang sama, gue nggak liat relasi essay tersebut dengan keseluruhan novel.

[Felicity · Rating 2 out of 5]

First chapter was read thoroughly. Started to skimming half of chapter two. Personally, the story bores me. Not much retrospective question to reflect her journey, makes it only a piece of personal diary or blog. As 30 something who had been to some places around the globe, I expect her to be more observant with the environment and bring those perspectives profoundly. Adult usually has life philosophy, which what I expected of her to share. A book should be broaden our horizon. Her own subjective perspective in the writing seems to be limited to her lifestyle which appears to be westernised and sort of show off. I bought the book and it happens to be in white HVS with bad side-glued kind of binding. The pages are detached. And the choice of paper is not eco-friendly.

[Rhea · Rating 3 out of 5]

Some books are read for entertainment. Others are read for education. For this particular book, I read it to find a friend.

Isyana Artharini draws upon her own personal experiences of readjusting to living with parents as an adult, of endless swiping on dating apps, of mediocre men, of vanishing into a foreign city, of the lovehatelove relationship with Drake, and of feeling at home with one's self. They reminded me of Samantha Irby's "lesbian bed death" essay. With Irby she says: Sure, sex is fun, but have you ever licked a plate clean while no one else was watching? And with Artharini: Sure, I'm alone, but...well, there's no need for a but.

The writing of the book is pensive. But I had a lot of fun and found myself acting like I'm listening to the author over a g&t and saying "gurl." It is a celebration of female aloneness. Of being one's own main character. Of finding home within. Definitely would recommend!

So ok, as it stands today... if Samantha Irby is my big sis, and Roxane Gay is my aunt, and Tressie McMillan Cottom is my mom... Then Isyana Artharini is my next-door neighbor I'm mooching bourbon off of.

[Sal Millennia · Rating 3 out of 5]

I love the first and last chapter! I think it captures the essence of the book's title.

At first I thought this book is going to talk about women empowerment, feminism kinda thing about loneliness, like it is shown on the back synopsis of the book. But after going through few chapters, it's just feel like reading someone's diary... Honestly I struggled to keep reading, especially during the middle part. I feel like the writer put so many personal stories without any correlation to the title.

However the writing is light and easy to read. The adventure that the writer got, travelled to many different countries (some of it I just knew the name of), is also exciting. I wish the contents of the book could be more substantial.

[Zahra · Rating 4 out of 5]

Enjoyed it even more the second time around.

[mars · Rating 4 out of 5]

god bless you and this book. now i am 25% less anxious about being 30

[Anna Valerie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Awal tertarik sama bukunya gara-gara judul dan cover-nya yang menurutku simple tapi cukup eye catching. Buku yang terdiri atas sepuluh bab ini berisi kisah pribadi penulisnya dalam menjalani lika-liku kehidupan sebagai perempuan di usia 30-an. Cukup bisa relate dengan apa yang dialami oleh Mbak Isyana. Meskipun aku masih berusia 20 tahun, kekhawatiran akan pernikahan, punya anak, pandangan masyarakat, kepemilikan properti, kesepian kalau tinggal seorang diri, pekerjaan stabil, berpendidikan tinggi tapi masih underpaid, dan sejenisnya mulai menghantui.

Selain tentang kekhawatirannya, Mbak Isyana juga menceritakan pengalamannya yang somehow membuatku penasaran dan ingin traveling ke luar negeri juga. Caranya menggambarkan tempat dengan menghubungkannya dengan film-film juga menurutku cukup menarik. Mbak Isyana juga menceritakan dirinya sebagaimana adanya (aku agak bingung dan sebal di beberapa bagian tapi setiap orang pasti punya sisi menyebalkan jadi ya tidak apa-apa) dan bahasa buku ini tidak sulit kupahami.

Well, it's a good book though!

[Lana · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book consists of 10 personal essays. The first 5 to 6 essays was really memorable for me. I really appreciate Isyana Artharini's view of independence and aloneness, especially when you are a woman. I really like her notion that male and female aloneness is different as viewed by society. Male aloneness is often viewed as some poetic, independent choice, whilst we often frown and question female aloneness. Besides that, she also has some good insights about the dating culture, and relationships in general.

But after essay no. 6, I found it hard to continue because I couldn't care less about some things that she talked about. Like Drake, for example. So at times, when I feel like the essay is longer than it should be, I found myself mindlessly reading the text.

Another unique thing about this collection of essays is that while writing her experience, Isyana often quote or mention films, books, or just pop culture moments that relates to what she's currently writing. Though I couldn't relate, I didn't find it hard to read.

All in all, a solid book from me.

[Risa Lifzana · Rating 4 out of 5]

Bought this book when it was my first time moving out my home to another city, living alone for working, I didn't know the book or who the author is yet I was so entranced by the blurb. Sort of a memoir for one of my core memories.

In the first essays I was so invested because I was trying to include myself in those female aloness sentences. All those personal experiences that made me more and more romanticing living alone.
And then moving on to some more personal story like relationships and, yea relationships. All in all I was mesmerized by this book, like, is this what female-adults life? Is this what other female adults thinking and going through when living alone? (I was not an outgoing person and kind of young that time). Not trying to exaggerate but I made it my go-to book whenever I run out of energy because I knew I wasn't alone of my kind.

I don't know if the author wrote this to sort of empowered women or just simply sharing her experiences but I'm so thankful for it.

[sofiaidrish · Rating 3 out of 5]

I felt a sort of demanding urge to finish this book as fast as I could. I felt like I'm in a rush but I didn't know exactly why. Reading this book means you sit across the other side of the table where the author herself tells you her stories. Stories that are needed to be dug out of secret places from the author's days. Mostly it's about life of a 30-something woman in a journey to define aloneness. It's a light reading of personal essays collection. Very attractively-written, the author's words choice is dreamy giving me a moody state but also a retrospecting moment. It's all about adulting process.

[sekar banjaran aji · Rating 5 out of 5]

Ada rekomendasi dari @gladhys dari penulis Indonesia yang menulis dalam bahasa Inggris jadi aku akan mengkategorikannya dalam sastra Indonesia. Buku ini ditulis seperti jurnal pribadi tetapi ajaibnya kamu akan tetap relate dalam kegiatan penulisnya. Isu yang diangkat adalah isu yg paling menggangguku yakni soal rumah dan pulang. Selain itu, narasi perempuan dalam berbagai tantangan mulai dari traveling sendirian dan kecemasan atas tubuhnya sendiri membuat membaca buku ini semacam berefleksi. Oh ya bagi yang baru memulai membaca buku bahasa Inggris ini bisa dicoba.

[Teh Mitski · Rating 4 out of 5]

Cerita nonfiksi tentang how the author deals with loneliness in her early 30s. Impresiku saat baca buku ini adalah apa yang author tulis sangat honest, aku jadi ngerasa lagi diem-diem baca buku diary mbak author. Sebenernya aku udah beli buku ini lama banget, sekitar tahun 2018, dan gak aku baca sampai habis karena waktu itu aku masih remaja, belum punya KTP. Aku gak bisa relate dengan isi buku ini jadi ga kubaca sampai habis. Nah, sekarang di usiaku yg udah menyentuh 20 di tahun 2023, aku bisa menemukan persamaan antara pengalamanku dengan isi buku ini.

[Vay M · Rating 4 out of 5]

I bought and read this book once in 2019. At that moment, I wasn't really sure about how I could grasp aloneness in women. I assume that I was still 'that young'. Then I decided to read this book again this year, trying again to grasp about aloneness and personal space. I realize that my life right now depends on space that I really keep just for myself. This book helps me to regulate my feelings about my definition of personal space. How I still respect it, and how I understand the older I am, the more I need it.

[Reffi Dhinar · Rating 4 out of 5]

Telling about feeling content even in a loneliness, the writer is so honest to share her own experience although there are some parts that probably can trig the controversy (such as living together with a man without any marriage status). She can show me the fear of being alone when suddenly my feet slip on the floor then I can be die without any company, not about love but just a fear with death. Touching..

[Vania · Rating 4 out of 5]

I love this book. I think this is one of the rawest writing I've come across. Isyana is so vulnerable and open in this book that it feels as if I was reading my own journal entries. I love how unapologetically deep and personal this book is. However, it is also so raw that it could use a bit more editing to rule out spelling and grammatical errors.

Otherwise, this is one of the books that I will definitely keep if I ever do that Marie Kondo "spark joy" kind of clean up.

[Vania Irnanda · Rating 4 out of 5]

holy guacamole it's the kind of essay i've been ITCHING to write. a raw, compelling, poignant, achingly honest and beautifully written piece on adulthood, modern dating and aloneness.
thank you for meticulously capturing and portraying the rite of passage of adulthood that almost all twentysomething women can resonate with through this collection of essays. 10/10 relevant.
cant wait for another essay collection from this author!
4.5/5.

[Kino · Rating 1 out of 5]

Buku ini isinya semacam jurnal pribadi ato refleksi penulis tentang kehidupan dia sebagai wanita single di ibukota. Gue susah konek dengan isinya. Mungkin karena kurang cocok dengan gaya penulisan yang lebih banyak deksripsi dibanding refleksi. Mungkin karena dunia dan minat gue dengan si penulis yang banyak disinggung di buku ini beda bangett. Ga asik nih ratingnya, karna... ga kena aja kali ya...

[Mai Radhiallah · Rating 4 out of 5]

Baca buku ni somewhat trigger aku punya emosi tentang kesunyian. Ia kumpulan essei yang diluahkan secara peribadi oleh penulis tentang kehidupan dia sebagai orang single duduk rumah sendiri. Ada dua tiga peristiwa kami yang lebih kurang sama dan tentulah menimbulkan persoalan adakah aku akan end up jadi macam penulis? Ada 10 bab. 10 10 ini ada rasa sunyinya. Jadi ada bestnya living alone? Entahlah.

[melmarian · Rating 4 out of 5]

"What is it about male aloneness that makes it so desirable while female aloneness is seen as less so? What is it about male aloneness that is often seen as a heroic and poetic choice, while female aloneness is generally seen to have come from a lack of options?"

Read the complete review here: https://surgabukuku.wordpress.com/201...

[Edira · Rating 4 out of 5]

I appreciate how candid and honest the stories in this book are presented, also the keen insights over seemingly mundane things like doing chores and getting coffee. Also enjoying the literary references — the author has such a good taste on books. And of places, since I’ve also enjoyed her travels stories in some of the essays.

[Chyntia Darongke · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 stars! menyenangkan. baca ceritanya asik, mengalir ringan. saya baru di usia 24 tahun tapi sudah merasa akrab dengan beberapa cerita dan sudut pandang dari buku ini. hanya saja saya skip beberapa halaman, di bagian lagu-lagu Drake. ga ngerti dan ga tertarik juga. selebihnya, kece!

[Hesha Tabbycatt · Rating 4 out of 5]

Despite the few grammatical errors throughout the book, I really enjoyed reading this collection of essays. The voice was fresh, youthful and expressed genuine sentiments that I was easily able to relate to with pleasant surprise.

[Sashi · Rating 4 out of 5]

Personal essays about acceptance that having only yourself is okay. That alone is not necessarily a state to be pitiful to -- it's a choice and opportunity to learn about yourself more. Good writings, I'm just not into the Drake part.
Favourite chapter: Stay Inside Our Rosy-Minded Fuzz.

[Farah Izzati · Rating 4 out of 5]

i enjoy this book, her thought about woman and loneliness makes me things that might be i’m gonna be in that situation in my 30s, well for anyone and any woman out there whose struggle with loneliness, you should read this cause hey you’re not alone!

[Ryan · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.5 / 5 star
Baca buku ini kaya baca personal diary sih, penulis kaya nyeritain hidupnya yg pretty much relate sama kehidupan di kota besar. Tentang tujuan hidup, impian, loneliness, cinta, dan banyak hal lain. Kadang boring, kadang fun, kadang witty.