Catching Foxes: A Gospel-Guided Journey to Marriage

by John Henderson

In this interactive study, biblical counselor John Henderson uses a workbook approach to guide you through your marriage preparation—helping you to understand the purpose of marriage, to handle conflict, to glorify Christ in your union and finances, and to get to know your own heart and expectations. Many threats to a marriage can be identified even before the wedding takes place. Even better, God’s gospel provides the means of overcoming them.

Genres: Marriage, Christian, Counselling, Relationships, Nonfiction, Family, Christian Living

288 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2011

About the author

Librarian Note: There is more than one author in the Goodreads database with this name.

John Henderson (MA, PhD, University of North Texas) is associate pastor of Del Ray Baptist Church in Alexandria, Virginia, and a board member of the Association of Biblical Counselors and the Biblical Counseling Coalition. He is the author of Equipped to Counsel.

Reviews

[Emilie Clark · Rating 2 out of 5]

The first and prob only goodreads review I will ever write bc of how problematic + outdated this book is

Overall- in general, I do not have a problem with the overarching premise of this book - that marriage takes work, marriage is designed to be a reflection of christs covenant with the church/believers, the ways we should serve/love our spouse, that all people are sinners/ in need of grace and so we should not place our eternal hope in a spouse…etc

However, this book gives basically zero actual practical advice for marriage/ premarital - over and over, Henderson shares stories of “real couples” who are struggling in their marriage or dealing with some problem or other. But, once they pray and read a Bible story, poof- their problems are gone and their marriage is fixed! This should not be the expectation / This is not reality for many people. A gift/grace from God is the many resources outside of the Bible that we can & should use….believe it or not there are actually Christian, bible based LPC/therapists out there (use them)…and other non-religious materials that offer valuable insights and advice as well

It’s also somewhat concerning/confusing that he didn’t consult an actual woman (idk perhaps his own wife) to write the chapter on how to be a good wife - but of course it’s because women are weaker & more susceptible to deceit and error, so!

Real live quote from the book: “Most families cannot live with both father and mother working full-time outside the home without compromising the Word of God or falling prey to the trappings and distractions of the world” - sorry to say but this is just not the financial reality for many families in 2024, mothers and fathers may need to both work outside the home + should not feel disheartened if that is the case, or like they are automatically doing a spiritual disservice to their family. this is simply……untrue


A few of my favorite tidbits (/s) below -

“A wife and mother's primary responsibility, according to Scripture, may be found inside the home . . . Now, this does not mean that a wife is not allowed to work outside the home or earn money at all . . . Some women feel free and able to labor outside the home while fulfilling all God has called them to fulfill inside the home- with the consent of their husbands as well. This is probably a rare and special calling. Most families cannot live with both father and mother working full-time outside the home without compromising the Word of God or falling prey to the trappings and distractions of the world”

“a wife could be, as a whole, more susceptible to deceit and error than her husband . . . we should believe [Paul] is drawing attention to a wife’s susceptiblity to being led astray by various lusts, fears, and emotional winds of the world, and is saying that a husband needs to live with her struggle in an understanding way.”

“Trust is essential in marriage - but not the kind of trust you are probably thinking about. You may be thinking that a thriving trust in each other will be critical to the health of your marriage, but this is not the case. The kind of trust that is critical to the health of your marriage is trust in Christ. Trust in your spouse could certainly be helpful, but it is not required . . . Trust in your spouse is not simply futile; it could also be sinful.”

Tldr; do not recommend

[j.j. · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.25

The purpose of marriage is to bring glory to God. What a wonderful reminder even after nearly 2 decades of marriage.
Sara and I went through this book with another couple for their premarital counseling. Definitely a book that I wish had been around when Sara and I were preparing for marriage. The questions provided by the author would have helped us avoid some of the things that we struggled with early on in our marriage, guided us through some more difficult discussions, and grounded our marriage on the gospel. Highly recommended reading for those getting ready for marriage!

[Ben · Rating 4 out of 5]

Read for premarital counseling with my wife. Our pastors use this for our church as it is a gospel centered, marriage orienting resource. While there are more “practical” books, Foxes lays the necessary biblical foundation for marriage, so in that sense, it is extremely practical.

One critique: the questions are fairly law heavy (in the sense of a basic law-gospel hermeneutic). The text of the chapters, however, is well balanced.

[Daniel Tanner · Rating 4 out of 5]

Master fox catcher after this.

[Chad Trim · Rating 1 out of 5]

It’s sad that the nicest thing I can say about this book was that it was mostly (percentage-wise) inoffensive. There are some absolutely garbage parts, don’t get me wrong, including one or two things that are flat out not biblical in the slightest. But honestly there are hardly any insights or wisdom good enough to come close to erasing some of the flat out disgusting assertions particularly in the becoming a wife and becoming a husband chapters.

Really needed even a tiny bit of female perspective.

And an editor… Korbin and I found at least 3 grammatical/spelling errors.

Would not recommend. Read 7 Principles of Effective Marriages instead

[Paul Hamline · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent book for pre marital counseling. Jon has a great section on expectations. Thought provoking questions throughout the book for couples to discuss.

[Noah Hosking · Rating 5 out of 5]

This would be my first recommendation to anyone wanting something to read in preparation for marriage. It may not cover gender specific roles in detail, but it certainly covers something more essential and basic. John demonstrates that striving for a gospel centred marriage is exceptionally pragmatic. Cherishing the gospel in marriage should not be skipped over in order to rush to more “practical” books.

I also appreciated the epilogue of sorts that is intended to be read months after the wedding day. Finishing this after a few months of marriage has reinvigorated a desire to focus far less on “bettering” myself or my wife and being compelled far more by the gospel to look to Christ and share His grace with one another.

[Nicole Rasmussen · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great book. I love how gospel centered it is. And the questions for pre-marriage counselling are very thorough. Great resource to equip for marriage and also a reflection point as someone who has been married for many years.

[Jon Pentecost · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great book. Aimed at those who are engaged/about to be married. Wonderful combination of clear, realistic advice, careful questions, and joyful encouragement, Henderson is a sure-handed guide throughout the book. I personally benefitted from his counsel and discussion questions.

Plan to use heavily in future premarital counseling (and probably some marriage counseling)
Recommend to engaged and newlyweds, and those walking alongside those folks.

[Bobby James · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.5/5. One of the best marriage books out there!

[Kristin Rogers · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book lays a good theological foundation for marriage, but it also gets really deep into practical advice and thorough examination of expectations and communication that needs to be in place. Would totally recommend. I particularly like chapter 6 on…

[Noelle VanVleet · Rating 4 out of 5]

The Village Church uses this book to mentor engaged couples before their weddings, which is how I came upon it. It is a really solid introduction to marriage, with a lot of tough questions that need to be discussed. I highly recommend it for the engaged and the newly married. My husband and I enjoyed going through some of the questions together, and we both would have benefitted from it even more had we gotten it sooner.

My only problems with the book were its abundance of typos (really unacceptable), and its rambling. It could have been a lot more concise, but apparently the editors were busy overlooking typos. I also found the Calvinist/Reformed perspective to be a bit heavy handed.

[Chris Spalding · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was awesome and extremely beneficial in laying some good foundations before my wife and I got married. It prompted us to have conversations that normally would have not taken place until something would have caused them too.

[Vivian Barrett · Rating 5 out of 5]

2026: re-read as a mentor couple for our friends who were engaged and now married 🥰

absolutely loved revisiting such a biblical and thorough guide to marriage! also, fun to see my husband’s and i’s answers when we were engaged 5 years ago!

[Lucas Nosal · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a pre-marital counselling book. I may consider switching over to it with couples. I is very thorough and theologically very good, but I do wish it was a little more practical in the questions. Many of them are reflective, which is needed, but practical application is lacking.

[Korbin Trim · Rating 1 out of 5]

it’s a no from me

[Alexes Hedrick · Rating 4 out of 5]

I must admit that I have not read the entire book because I was reading only select chapters with my Christian mentor for a few weeks leading up to my marriage. For this reason, I believe I cannot really give it five stars. However, the parts that I had read were excellent. As one should, I value scripture very highly and this author is very (at least from the chapters we had read) theologically sound.

I would recommend this book for single, engaged, and married people as I believe that everyone can gain something of value from it based on the chapters I have read.

[Josiah Richardson · Rating 3 out of 5]

Second book I've read this year (Francis Chan's was the other) in preparation for marriage and it was very helpful in establishing expectations as well helping myself probe into thoughts that would better prepare me to be a Husband.

[Emma Rodriguez · Rating 4 out of 5]

Such a great resource from engagement to newlywed seasons. Sparked helpful and fruitful conversations and filled with Scripture.

[Travis Hall · Rating 5 out of 5]

We worked through this in marriage counseling. Very practical and theologically sound.

Would recommend this book to any engaged couple or pastor/Biblical Counselor who does pre-marital counseling.

[Drew French · Rating 5 out of 5]

Used it for premarital counseling. Very happy with it—will use again!

[Madelyn Sumpter · Rating 5 out of 5]

Amazing. Trevor and I started this in our pre-marital counseling and finished three months into our marriage. Convicting. Helpful. A huge blessing to have read and discussed together!

[Sam Knecht · Rating 5 out of 5]

The best resource on marriage I’m aware of. Though it’s intended for future husbands and wives, currently married couples could benefit from the thoroughly biblical perspective and insights here. I was particularly helped by the conflict resolution chapter that unpacks repentance, forgiveness, and trust.

[Micah · Rating 4 out of 5]

I've been married for 16 years and over that time have learned a lot about myself and about the joys and difficulties of marriage. I'm certainly no expert but have a few years of experience. I think Henderson deals with the right issues in marriage and does so from a heart-oriented approach. He rightly talks about the importance of a gospel-centered understanding of life is the foundation for a healthy marriage. On this point, I love the book. It is extremely helpful and good.

My only complaint in the book is that he deals with the difficult parties of marriage (i.e. catching the foxes), but doesn't pause along the way to celebrate the joys of marriage. My wife and I used this book to do pre-marital counseling with a couple and we found ourselves continually having to say something like, "I think what Hendersons says here is spot on, but let's not forget that marriage is a GREAT gift from God. It's so good, and it is worth every bit of effort to deal with these harder issues."

[Paige · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is for engaged couples, married couples, even singles who need to be retrained on what marriage looks like.

As a single, I was thankful to read this book 1) to uproot misguided views of marriage and 2) to counsel well those getting married or those in the throes of marriage.

John turns our perspective of marriage on it's head. He shows us the inadequacy of our Hollywood adopted views on marriage and gives us a rich, lasting, and biblical perspective. John helps us realign what we call “good” to what God calls “good” without embellishing marriage’s brokenness or pleasures.

Read this book. Do it.

[Blake Atwood · Rating 4 out of 5]

Getting married soon? This biblically-saturated workbook by a smart Christian counselor will help you and your future spouse discuss necessary issues that can derail a marriage. Highly recommended for all soon-to-be-newlyweds.

[Mike Mathews · Rating 5 out of 5]

We are using it for Premarriage mentoring. It has been great for us to read also, even after 42 years of marriage. I think this. By far the best book on marriage.

[David Mills · Rating 5 out of 5]

A wonderful book to use for a Gospel-centered approach to premarital counseling.

[Jason Seville · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is my go-to for premarital counseling sessions. And it’s always a challenging refresher for my own marriage as well.

[Parker James Lipetska · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.1