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Catching Foxes: A Gospel-Guided Journey to Marriage
In this interactive study, biblical counselor John Henderson uses a workbook approach to guide you through your marriage preparation—helping you to understand the purpose of marriage, to handle conflict, to glorify Christ in your union and finances, and to get to know your own heart and expectations. Many threats to a marriage can be identified even before the wedding takes place. Even better, God’s gospel provides the means of overcoming them.
288 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 2011
227 people are currently reading
673 people want to read
About the author
John Henderson
3 books7 followersLibrarian Note: There is more than one author in the Goodreads database with this name.
John Henderson (MA, PhD, University of North Texas) is associate pastor of Del Ray Baptist Church in Alexandria, Virginia, and a board member of the Association of Biblical Counselors and the Biblical Counseling Coalition. He is the author of Equipped to Counsel.
John Henderson (MA, PhD, University of North Texas) is associate pastor of Del Ray Baptist Church in Alexandria, Virginia, and a board member of the Association of Biblical Counselors and the Biblical Counseling Coalition. He is the author of Equipped to Counsel.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 76 reviews
April 10, 2024
The first and prob only goodreads review I will ever write bc of how problematic + outdated this book is
Overall- in general, I do not have a problem with the overarching premise of this book - that marriage takes work, marriage is designed to be a reflection of christs covenant with the church/believers, the ways we should serve/love our spouse, that all people are sinners/ in need of grace and so we should not place our eternal hope in a spouse…etc
However, this book gives basically zero actual practical advice for marriage/ premarital - over and over, Henderson shares stories of “real couples” who are struggling in their marriage or dealing with some problem or other. But, once they pray and read a Bible story, poof- their problems are gone and their marriage is fixed! This should not be the expectation / This is not reality for many people. A gift/grace from God is the many resources outside of the Bible that we can & should use….believe it or not there are actually Christian, bible based LPC/therapists out there (use them)…and other non-religious materials that offer valuable insights and advice as well
It’s also somewhat concerning/confusing that he didn’t consult an actual woman (idk perhaps his own wife) to write the chapter on how to be a good wife - but of course it’s because women are weaker & more susceptible to deceit and error, so!
Real live quote from the book: “Most families cannot live with both father and mother working full-time outside the home without compromising the Word of God or falling prey to the trappings and distractions of the world” - sorry to say but this is just not the financial reality for many families in 2024, mothers and fathers may need to both work outside the home + should not feel disheartened if that is the case, or like they are automatically doing a spiritual disservice to their family. this is simply……untrue
A few of my favorite tidbits (/s) below -
“A wife and mother's primary responsibility, according to Scripture, may be found inside the home . . . Now, this does not mean that a wife is not allowed to work outside the home or earn money at all . . . Some women feel free and able to labor outside the home while fulfilling all God has called them to fulfill inside the home- with the consent of their husbands as well. This is probably a rare and special calling. Most families cannot live with both father and mother working full-time outside the home without compromising the Word of God or falling prey to the trappings and distractions of the world”
“a wife could be, as a whole, more susceptible to deceit and error than her husband . . . we should believe [Paul] is drawing attention to a wife’s susceptiblity to being led astray by various lusts, fears, and emotional winds of the world, and is saying that a husband needs to live with her struggle in an understanding way.”
“Trust is essential in marriage - but not the kind of trust you are probably thinking about. You may be thinking that a thriving trust in each other will be critical to the health of your marriage, but this is not the case. The kind of trust that is critical to the health of your marriage is trust in Christ. Trust in your spouse could certainly be helpful, but it is not required . . . Trust in your spouse is not simply futile; it could also be sinful.”
Tldr; do not recommend
Overall- in general, I do not have a problem with the overarching premise of this book - that marriage takes work, marriage is designed to be a reflection of christs covenant with the church/believers, the ways we should serve/love our spouse, that all people are sinners/ in need of grace and so we should not place our eternal hope in a spouse…etc
However, this book gives basically zero actual practical advice for marriage/ premarital - over and over, Henderson shares stories of “real couples” who are struggling in their marriage or dealing with some problem or other. But, once they pray and read a Bible story, poof- their problems are gone and their marriage is fixed! This should not be the expectation / This is not reality for many people. A gift/grace from God is the many resources outside of the Bible that we can & should use….believe it or not there are actually Christian, bible based LPC/therapists out there (use them)…and other non-religious materials that offer valuable insights and advice as well
It’s also somewhat concerning/confusing that he didn’t consult an actual woman (idk perhaps his own wife) to write the chapter on how to be a good wife - but of course it’s because women are weaker & more susceptible to deceit and error, so!
Real live quote from the book: “Most families cannot live with both father and mother working full-time outside the home without compromising the Word of God or falling prey to the trappings and distractions of the world” - sorry to say but this is just not the financial reality for many families in 2024, mothers and fathers may need to both work outside the home + should not feel disheartened if that is the case, or like they are automatically doing a spiritual disservice to their family. this is simply……untrue
A few of my favorite tidbits (/s) below -
“A wife and mother's primary responsibility, according to Scripture, may be found inside the home . . . Now, this does not mean that a wife is not allowed to work outside the home or earn money at all . . . Some women feel free and able to labor outside the home while fulfilling all God has called them to fulfill inside the home- with the consent of their husbands as well. This is probably a rare and special calling. Most families cannot live with both father and mother working full-time outside the home without compromising the Word of God or falling prey to the trappings and distractions of the world”
“a wife could be, as a whole, more susceptible to deceit and error than her husband . . . we should believe [Paul] is drawing attention to a wife’s susceptiblity to being led astray by various lusts, fears, and emotional winds of the world, and is saying that a husband needs to live with her struggle in an understanding way.”
“Trust is essential in marriage - but not the kind of trust you are probably thinking about. You may be thinking that a thriving trust in each other will be critical to the health of your marriage, but this is not the case. The kind of trust that is critical to the health of your marriage is trust in Christ. Trust in your spouse could certainly be helpful, but it is not required . . . Trust in your spouse is not simply futile; it could also be sinful.”
Tldr; do not recommend
October 30, 2024
Read for premarital counseling with my wife. Our pastors use this for our church as it is a gospel centered, marriage orienting resource. While there are more “practical” books, Foxes lays the necessary biblical foundation for marriage, so in that sense, it is extremely practical.
One critique: the questions are fairly law heavy (in the sense of a basic law-gospel hermeneutic). The text of the chapters, however, is well balanced.
One critique: the questions are fairly law heavy (in the sense of a basic law-gospel hermeneutic). The text of the chapters, however, is well balanced.
January 28, 2022
Master fox catcher after this.
July 5, 2023
It’s sad that the nicest thing I can say about this book was that it was mostly (percentage-wise) inoffensive. There are some absolutely garbage parts, don’t get me wrong, including one or two things that are flat out not biblical in the slightest. But honestly there are hardly any insights or wisdom good enough to come close to erasing some of the flat out disgusting assertions particularly in the becoming a wife and becoming a husband chapters.
Really needed even a tiny bit of female perspective.
And an editor… Korbin and I found at least 3 grammatical/spelling errors.
Would not recommend. Read 7 Principles of Effective Marriages instead
Really needed even a tiny bit of female perspective.
And an editor… Korbin and I found at least 3 grammatical/spelling errors.
Would not recommend. Read 7 Principles of Effective Marriages instead
May 25, 2022
Excellent book for pre marital counseling. Jon has a great section on expectations. Thought provoking questions throughout the book for couples to discuss.
December 28, 2024
This would be my first recommendation to anyone wanting something to read in preparation for marriage. It may not cover gender specific roles in detail, but it certainly covers something more essential and basic. John demonstrates that striving for a gospel centred marriage is exceptionally pragmatic. Cherishing the gospel in marriage should not be skipped over in order to rush to more “practical” books.
I also appreciated the epilogue of sorts that is intended to be read months after the wedding day. Finishing this after a few months of marriage has reinvigorated a desire to focus far less on “bettering” myself or my wife and being compelled far more by the gospel to look to Christ and share His grace with one another.
I also appreciated the epilogue of sorts that is intended to be read months after the wedding day. Finishing this after a few months of marriage has reinvigorated a desire to focus far less on “bettering” myself or my wife and being compelled far more by the gospel to look to Christ and share His grace with one another.
August 16, 2025
Great book. I love how gospel centered it is. And the questions for pre-marriage counselling are very thorough. Great resource to equip for marriage and also a reflection point as someone who has been married for many years.
March 1, 2021
Great book. Aimed at those who are engaged/about to be married. Wonderful combination of clear, realistic advice, careful questions, and joyful encouragement, Henderson is a sure-handed guide throughout the book. I personally benefitted from his counsel and discussion questions.
Plan to use heavily in future premarital counseling (and probably some marriage counseling)
Recommend to engaged and newlyweds, and those walking alongside those folks.
Plan to use heavily in future premarital counseling (and probably some marriage counseling)
Recommend to engaged and newlyweds, and those walking alongside those folks.
October 22, 2024
4.5/5. One of the best marriage books out there!
December 2, 2022
This book lays a good theological foundation for marriage, but it also gets really deep into practical advice and thorough examination of expectations and communication that needs to be in place. Would totally recommend. I particularly like chapter 6 on…
December 10, 2015
The Village Church uses this book to mentor engaged couples before their weddings, which is how I came upon it. It is a really solid introduction to marriage, with a lot of tough questions that need to be discussed. I highly recommend it for the engaged and the newly married. My husband and I enjoyed going through some of the questions together, and we both would have benefitted from it even more had we gotten it sooner.
My only problems with the book were its abundance of typos (really unacceptable), and its rambling. It could have been a lot more concise, but apparently the editors were busy overlooking typos. I also found the Calvinist/Reformed perspective to be a bit heavy handed.
My only problems with the book were its abundance of typos (really unacceptable), and its rambling. It could have been a lot more concise, but apparently the editors were busy overlooking typos. I also found the Calvinist/Reformed perspective to be a bit heavy handed.
January 2, 2018
This book was awesome and extremely beneficial in laying some good foundations before my wife and I got married. It prompted us to have conversations that normally would have not taken place until something would have caused them too.
February 20, 2024
This is a pre-marital counselling book. I may consider switching over to it with couples. I is very thorough and theologically very good, but I do wish it was a little more practical in the questions. Many of them are reflective, which is needed, but practical application is lacking.
July 12, 2023
it’s a no from me
September 5, 2022
I must admit that I have not read the entire book because I was reading only select chapters with my Christian mentor for a few weeks leading up to my marriage. For this reason, I believe I cannot really give it five stars. However, the parts that I had read were excellent. As one should, I value scripture very highly and this author is very (at least from the chapters we had read) theologically sound.
I would recommend this book for single, engaged, and married people as I believe that everyone can gain something of value from it based on the chapters I have read.
I would recommend this book for single, engaged, and married people as I believe that everyone can gain something of value from it based on the chapters I have read.
June 26, 2017
Second book I've read this year (Francis Chan's was the other) in preparation for marriage and it was very helpful in establishing expectations as well helping myself probe into thoughts that would better prepare me to be a Husband.
November 27, 2024
Such a great resource from engagement to newlywed seasons. Sparked helpful and fruitful conversations and filled with Scripture.
February 22, 2025
We worked through this in marriage counseling. Very practical and theologically sound.
Would recommend this book to any engaged couple or pastor/Biblical Counselor who does pre-marital counseling.
Would recommend this book to any engaged couple or pastor/Biblical Counselor who does pre-marital counseling.
May 26, 2025
Used it for premarital counseling. Very happy with it—will use again!
January 6, 2024
The best resource on marriage I’m aware of. Though it’s intended for future husbands and wives, currently married couples could benefit from the thoroughly biblical perspective and insights here. I was particularly helped by the conflict resolution chapter that unpacks repentance, forgiveness, and trust.
March 28, 2017
I've been married for 16 years and over that time have learned a lot about myself and about the joys and difficulties of marriage. I'm certainly no expert but have a few years of experience. I think Henderson deals with the right issues in marriage and does so from a heart-oriented approach. He rightly talks about the importance of a gospel-centered understanding of life is the foundation for a healthy marriage. On this point, I love the book. It is extremely helpful and good.
My only complaint in the book is that he deals with the difficult parties of marriage (i.e. catching the foxes), but doesn't pause along the way to celebrate the joys of marriage. My wife and I used this book to do pre-marital counseling with a couple and we found ourselves continually having to say something like, "I think what Hendersons says here is spot on, but let's not forget that marriage is a GREAT gift from God. It's so good, and it is worth every bit of effort to deal with these harder issues."
My only complaint in the book is that he deals with the difficult parties of marriage (i.e. catching the foxes), but doesn't pause along the way to celebrate the joys of marriage. My wife and I used this book to do pre-marital counseling with a couple and we found ourselves continually having to say something like, "I think what Hendersons says here is spot on, but let's not forget that marriage is a GREAT gift from God. It's so good, and it is worth every bit of effort to deal with these harder issues."
April 2, 2018
This book is for engaged couples, married couples, even singles who need to be retrained on what marriage looks like.
As a single, I was thankful to read this book 1) to uproot misguided views of marriage and 2) to counsel well those getting married or those in the throes of marriage.
John turns our perspective of marriage on it's head. He shows us the inadequacy of our Hollywood adopted views on marriage and gives us a rich, lasting, and biblical perspective. John helps us realign what we call “good” to what God calls “good” without embellishing marriage’s brokenness or pleasures.
Read this book. Do it.
As a single, I was thankful to read this book 1) to uproot misguided views of marriage and 2) to counsel well those getting married or those in the throes of marriage.
John turns our perspective of marriage on it's head. He shows us the inadequacy of our Hollywood adopted views on marriage and gives us a rich, lasting, and biblical perspective. John helps us realign what we call “good” to what God calls “good” without embellishing marriage’s brokenness or pleasures.
Read this book. Do it.
December 3, 2012
Getting married soon? This biblically-saturated workbook by a smart Christian counselor will help you and your future spouse discuss necessary issues that can derail a marriage. Highly recommended for all soon-to-be-newlyweds.
September 2, 2013
We are using it for Premarriage mentoring. It has been great for us to read also, even after 42 years of marriage. I think this. By far the best book on marriage.
May 6, 2023
A wonderful book to use for a Gospel-centered approach to premarital counseling.
June 1, 2020
This is my go-to for premarital counseling sessions. And it’s always a challenging refresher for my own marriage as well.
March 22, 2025
Spoiler alert: I AM married, but this was a book I started leading up to my wedding day (which was on 12.07.2024) that I pinged around in until the book was completed. There are a fair amount of excellent books written and designed to aid a couple in biblical pre-marital counseling, and this is another wonderful option... we just settled elsewhere, and this one simply became "extracurricular reading" for myself!
The book is structured so that couples can read it in tandem with another couple (recommend they are older and wiser) in their church to help facilitate honest dialogue. There are plenty of open-ended discussion questions in the book with space for writing answers. It discusses everything from the gospel (most important!), our roles as husbands and wives, finances, sex, conflict, and--probably my favorite--chapters at the end that are meant to be read 3 months after the wedding! So the first 12 chapters are "Before the Wedding", the 13th chapter is right after the wedding "In the Wake", and the last two are meant to be examined after you have a little marriage under your belt.
TLDR: We are all sinners in massive need of constant grace. We NEED Jesus and the help of the Holy Spirit for a marriage to flourish. We are sinners who marry sinners, and this is a recipe for sinful conduct. But with the Lord at the center, He re-writes everything to be an environment ripe for much mercy, grace, and sanctification. He redeems marriage to become a vessel for His glory (which brings marriage back to its original intent!). But only with His help...
The Bible and the message of the gospel are in clear view in this book! It helps you look honestly and seriously at your own heart but always through a hopeful lens. Because if we are examining all through Christ, there is no other lens by which we can view life.
Definitely recommend this book as a potential resource for pre-marital counseling!
The book is structured so that couples can read it in tandem with another couple (recommend they are older and wiser) in their church to help facilitate honest dialogue. There are plenty of open-ended discussion questions in the book with space for writing answers. It discusses everything from the gospel (most important!), our roles as husbands and wives, finances, sex, conflict, and--probably my favorite--chapters at the end that are meant to be read 3 months after the wedding! So the first 12 chapters are "Before the Wedding", the 13th chapter is right after the wedding "In the Wake", and the last two are meant to be examined after you have a little marriage under your belt.
TLDR: We are all sinners in massive need of constant grace. We NEED Jesus and the help of the Holy Spirit for a marriage to flourish. We are sinners who marry sinners, and this is a recipe for sinful conduct. But with the Lord at the center, He re-writes everything to be an environment ripe for much mercy, grace, and sanctification. He redeems marriage to become a vessel for His glory (which brings marriage back to its original intent!). But only with His help...
The Bible and the message of the gospel are in clear view in this book! It helps you look honestly and seriously at your own heart but always through a hopeful lens. Because if we are examining all through Christ, there is no other lens by which we can view life.
Definitely recommend this book as a potential resource for pre-marital counseling!
March 24, 2023
Some stuff in this book is helpful, and with the proper guidance, I could see this providing help in pre-marriage counselling. Many of the topics and questions are important things to talk through as a couple before getting marriage. Having those questions brought up and discussed ahead of time is important and something that might not "naturally" happen without the prompting of books like this.
However, some stuff in the book isn't that helpful. For example, at one point the author talked about how having trust in a marriage can "help you better endure the marriage." This attitude of marriage being a struggle, is of course sometimes true, but marriage is also a great joy and blessing in many cases. The goal of building trust (or anything else) in marriage is not so that we can better endure our marriages, but rather to enjoy them! This attitude come out quite a bit in this book. Even to the point of calling Hosea and Gomer's marriage beautiful. A marriage that is meant to show how horrible the people of Israel are acting, isn't really the kind of marriage we should look to for inspiration and be calling beautiful.
The author also comes dangerously close to teaching the doctrine of the eternal subordination of the Son at one point in this book.
There were a few other issues I have with this book, and overall I would say that although I can understand how this book can be helpful for some people, I would hope that we could do better than this for pre-marriage counselling.
However, some stuff in the book isn't that helpful. For example, at one point the author talked about how having trust in a marriage can "help you better endure the marriage." This attitude of marriage being a struggle, is of course sometimes true, but marriage is also a great joy and blessing in many cases. The goal of building trust (or anything else) in marriage is not so that we can better endure our marriages, but rather to enjoy them! This attitude come out quite a bit in this book. Even to the point of calling Hosea and Gomer's marriage beautiful. A marriage that is meant to show how horrible the people of Israel are acting, isn't really the kind of marriage we should look to for inspiration and be calling beautiful.
The author also comes dangerously close to teaching the doctrine of the eternal subordination of the Son at one point in this book.
There were a few other issues I have with this book, and overall I would say that although I can understand how this book can be helpful for some people, I would hope that we could do better than this for pre-marriage counselling.
March 27, 2018
This book is a must read for all engaged couples or those thinking of becoming engaged. It will also be helpful for those newly married. Catching Foxes writes from a Biblical perspective regarding our relationship with Christ first and foremost. It is only then, can we have an accurate view of ourselves and then our relationship with our future spouse.
I read this book as a woman married 18 years. I’ve learned these truths over the years, but our marriage did not start on this foundation. The first several years of marriage were rocky and we struggled. Thankfully, we had solid teaching and great mentors along the way to guide us into a Christ centered marriage. As I kept reading, I nodded my head in silence as I was affirming all I’ve learned in the past. John Henderson shares some great truths that are timeless.
The book has questions in each chapter that help you analyze your relationships while at times, also providing a checklist for you to review with your future spouse. It has very practical ways to evaluate your current thoughts and feelings on various marriage topics.
I wish my husband and I would have known these truths before we married. I truly believe that had we known some of this, our early years wouldn’t have been so rocky. I would definitely recommend this book!
I read this book as a woman married 18 years. I’ve learned these truths over the years, but our marriage did not start on this foundation. The first several years of marriage were rocky and we struggled. Thankfully, we had solid teaching and great mentors along the way to guide us into a Christ centered marriage. As I kept reading, I nodded my head in silence as I was affirming all I’ve learned in the past. John Henderson shares some great truths that are timeless.
The book has questions in each chapter that help you analyze your relationships while at times, also providing a checklist for you to review with your future spouse. It has very practical ways to evaluate your current thoughts and feelings on various marriage topics.
I wish my husband and I would have known these truths before we married. I truly believe that had we known some of this, our early years wouldn’t have been so rocky. I would definitely recommend this book!
Displaying 1 - 30 of 76 reviews