What do you think?
Rate this book
Perfectly Clear: Escaping Scientology and Fighting for the Woman I Love
The revelatory memoir by former "poster girl for Scientology" Michelle LeClair about her defection from the Church, her newly accepted sexual identity, and the lengths to which Scientology went to silence it.For years, Michelle LeClair, former President of Scientology's international humanitarian organization, tried to reconcile her sexual orientation with the anti-gay ideology of the church. Michelle finally ends her horrific marriage, finds the love of her life, a woman, and ultimately leaves the Church. But the split comes at a terrible price. Her once pristine reputation is publicly dragged through the mud, the police raid her home, her ex-husband tries to gain full custody of their children, and the multi-million dollar business she built from scratch is utterly destroyed. In this tell-all memoir, Michelle offers an insider's perspective on Scientology's pervasive influence, secret rituals, and ruthless practices for keeping members in line. It's a story of self-acceptance, of finding the strength and courage to stand up for your emotional freedom, and of love prevailing.
301 pages, Kindle Edition
First published September 11, 2018
77 people are currently reading
1442 people want to read
Ratings & Reviews
Friends & Following
Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!
Community Reviews
Displaying 1 - 30 of 81 reviews
February 16, 2019
What is it with rich people and their poor-me memoirs lately??? Are they unable to see outside of the bubble of extravagance they live in? Are they totally oblivious to the suffering of millions of poor people in this world that they think they deserve pity for breaking a nail??!
Boo-hoo!
Obviously, this book irritated the hell out of me. I tried, so very hard, to like it, to be supportive of Michelle LeClair. As a lesbian, I wanted to like her book, be able to give her a good review. But I can't. This was awful.
As someone who is a skeptic by nature, I am fascinated by how people can be sucked into cults. Scientology, with its veil of secrecy, is a cult I didn't know much about and I thought Michelle LeClair's memoir would be a great way to learn about it, whilst being of even greater interest to me because it's also a coming out story. Well! The book feels dishonest and is simultaneously a blame game and a tale of self-perceived victimhood.
I've no doubt the church of Scientology put Ms. LeClair through hell when she came out. That part I do believe. However, she comes across as a money-grubbing, power-hungry narcissist who cares only about herself. She was perfectly content to bully others for the church in order to raise her position, whilst taking advantage of the connections she had in the church to build a lucrative insurance company for herself. She said multiple times that she had no desire to leave the church as long as they would give her a special pass to be with a woman. She truly believed they would make an exception for her because of how much money she threw at the church, even though they are homophobic and think gay people are the lowest and vilest of people. Ms. LeClair was happy enough to go along with this as long as she was still accepted.
However, when she came out, she quickly learned that the church wasn't making an exception for anyone when it came to homosexuality. Now she's pissed at the church and I feel like she just wanted to get back at them by writing this book. Everything bad in her life is because of the church.
When she got herself into a bad business deal, she blamed it on having had to blindly trust a fellow scientologist. However, she also says "I did a huge amount of due diligence. I spoke to attorneys, friends, even my VP, and everyone thought it looked good." So, if having to blindly trust a fellow scientologist was to blame, then why did she first go and (wisely) research what she was getting into? She made a bad business deal, but she can't take any of the blame. Instead, like every other bad thing in her life, everyone else is to blame, and poor Michelle is just a victim. Bad, bad world! Her unhappy and failed marriage? Husband was to blame! Her bad business deal? Scientology was to blame! Ms. LeClair never takes responsibility for anything in her life, except the success. It was irritating how often she bragged about what a great businesswoman she is. How the hell are you such a powerful woman and yet such a victim, Michelle??
Another thing that irritated me to no end is her seeming White Savior complex. At one point she adopted a child, despite being in a bad marriage and despite her husband not being on board. She adopted an African American baby and so we read numerous times through the book about how her daughter is BLACK, as if she is the most selfless woman in the world, giving a BLACK child a home! Good for you, Michelle, you're an exemplar of sainthood.
Get over yourself!
She also whines about how hard it was on her being a single parent. In one sentence she talks about having round-the-clock nannies, and yet "It was all I could do to get to the bathroom, much less tend to my business." OK, so you have a team of nannies 24/7, yet you expect us to believe you didn't have 30 seconds to run to the bathroom?
There is much to dislike in this book. The only thing I semi-enjoyed was hearing about her love affair with a woman. However, even that came across as less than authentic. I don't give many books one star, but this doesn't even deserve that one. Then again, maybe Ms. LeClair is a lovely woman, maybe she's just trying to clear her name by writing this book and writing herself up. Maybe she's a totally different person than she comes across in this book. I've never met her, so who knows? However, I can only go by what I read in this book, and the person she comes across as is not someone I would want to be friends with or even have a working relationship with. Read this only if you enjoy hearing a grown woman blame everyone else for her problems, brag about herself (including name-dropping and talking about her Bentley and brand name clothing), and expect you to cry your eyes out at all the injustices and hardships in her privileged life. Stop, Michelle, just stop. You're not a victim and you're not a saint. You're a human being like everyone else, no matter how awesome you think you are.
Boo-hoo!
Obviously, this book irritated the hell out of me. I tried, so very hard, to like it, to be supportive of Michelle LeClair. As a lesbian, I wanted to like her book, be able to give her a good review. But I can't. This was awful.
As someone who is a skeptic by nature, I am fascinated by how people can be sucked into cults. Scientology, with its veil of secrecy, is a cult I didn't know much about and I thought Michelle LeClair's memoir would be a great way to learn about it, whilst being of even greater interest to me because it's also a coming out story. Well! The book feels dishonest and is simultaneously a blame game and a tale of self-perceived victimhood.
I've no doubt the church of Scientology put Ms. LeClair through hell when she came out. That part I do believe. However, she comes across as a money-grubbing, power-hungry narcissist who cares only about herself. She was perfectly content to bully others for the church in order to raise her position, whilst taking advantage of the connections she had in the church to build a lucrative insurance company for herself. She said multiple times that she had no desire to leave the church as long as they would give her a special pass to be with a woman. She truly believed they would make an exception for her because of how much money she threw at the church, even though they are homophobic and think gay people are the lowest and vilest of people. Ms. LeClair was happy enough to go along with this as long as she was still accepted.
However, when she came out, she quickly learned that the church wasn't making an exception for anyone when it came to homosexuality. Now she's pissed at the church and I feel like she just wanted to get back at them by writing this book. Everything bad in her life is because of the church.
When she got herself into a bad business deal, she blamed it on having had to blindly trust a fellow scientologist. However, she also says "I did a huge amount of due diligence. I spoke to attorneys, friends, even my VP, and everyone thought it looked good." So, if having to blindly trust a fellow scientologist was to blame, then why did she first go and (wisely) research what she was getting into? She made a bad business deal, but she can't take any of the blame. Instead, like every other bad thing in her life, everyone else is to blame, and poor Michelle is just a victim. Bad, bad world! Her unhappy and failed marriage? Husband was to blame! Her bad business deal? Scientology was to blame! Ms. LeClair never takes responsibility for anything in her life, except the success. It was irritating how often she bragged about what a great businesswoman she is. How the hell are you such a powerful woman and yet such a victim, Michelle??
Another thing that irritated me to no end is her seeming White Savior complex. At one point she adopted a child, despite being in a bad marriage and despite her husband not being on board. She adopted an African American baby and so we read numerous times through the book about how her daughter is BLACK, as if she is the most selfless woman in the world, giving a BLACK child a home! Good for you, Michelle, you're an exemplar of sainthood.
Get over yourself!
She also whines about how hard it was on her being a single parent. In one sentence she talks about having round-the-clock nannies, and yet "It was all I could do to get to the bathroom, much less tend to my business." OK, so you have a team of nannies 24/7, yet you expect us to believe you didn't have 30 seconds to run to the bathroom?
There is much to dislike in this book. The only thing I semi-enjoyed was hearing about her love affair with a woman. However, even that came across as less than authentic. I don't give many books one star, but this doesn't even deserve that one. Then again, maybe Ms. LeClair is a lovely woman, maybe she's just trying to clear her name by writing this book and writing herself up. Maybe she's a totally different person than she comes across in this book. I've never met her, so who knows? However, I can only go by what I read in this book, and the person she comes across as is not someone I would want to be friends with or even have a working relationship with. Read this only if you enjoy hearing a grown woman blame everyone else for her problems, brag about herself (including name-dropping and talking about her Bentley and brand name clothing), and expect you to cry your eyes out at all the injustices and hardships in her privileged life. Stop, Michelle, just stop. You're not a victim and you're not a saint. You're a human being like everyone else, no matter how awesome you think you are.
June 1, 2019
Every story that I read about Scientology and their former members my heart just breaks. This book was no exception. I suggest this book!
"For years, Michelle LeClair, former President of Scientology's international humanitarian organization, tried to reconcile her sexual orientation with the anti-gay ideology of the church. Michelle finally ends her horrific marriage, finds the love of her life, a woman, and ultimately leaves the Church. But the split comes at a terrible price. Her once pristine reputation is publicly dragged through the mud, the police raid her home, her ex-husband tries to gain full custody of their children, and the multi-million dollar business she built from scratch is utterly destroyed."
"For years, Michelle LeClair, former President of Scientology's international humanitarian organization, tried to reconcile her sexual orientation with the anti-gay ideology of the church. Michelle finally ends her horrific marriage, finds the love of her life, a woman, and ultimately leaves the Church. But the split comes at a terrible price. Her once pristine reputation is publicly dragged through the mud, the police raid her home, her ex-husband tries to gain full custody of their children, and the multi-million dollar business she built from scratch is utterly destroyed."
September 13, 2018
The tone of the writing of this book often rubbed me the wrong way, but I still thought it was really interesting. I knew scientology was anti-gay, so it was amazing to read an actual account of the church condemning a member for being their authentic self. I am glad that she was able to make it through this and find peace. I don't understand how the government seems this manipulative money hungry cult as a religion and gives it tax breaks. It's truly stranger than fiction.
December 26, 2018
A very powerful story! After reading this, it's difficult not to come away from the book without thinking that Scientology is a cult. This is particularly evident in the vindictiveness of a "church" to seek and destroy the life of someone who has left them and dated to live someone they don't agree with. This is a great story of someone whose entire life was purposefully destroyed by a cult and how she survived.
March 10, 2024
Another one escapes Scientology but not without a price and heavy bullying. Leclair talks about her rise and fall within the church and how little they do to protect anyone but themselves (and money). At points I just wanted to shake her because outside looking in you can see just how terrible it is. I was nervous at a few points like if her children or mother would stop talking to her due to the church. Michelle was very brave and once they pushed a bit too much she was not giving them an inch! I was proud of her and I don't even know her.
February 15, 2019
One star because I am not going to finish it. If you know nothing about Scientology, this will give you some of the dirt. There are briefer, more enlightening reveals, but this will distress any reader. It is a bizarre and nasty story. Maybe the nastiness will appeal to others more than it does to me.
It is not a good memoir of coming out, and that is a pity, because there's a good story about sexuality buried here. The bias of Scientology is well documented and appalling. Unfortunately, the author is not particularly candid about her own feelings, motivations, nor is she particularly likable. What does she care about other than making money? Why is she attracted to people and how does she relate to men and women other than as "fun" or sexual? I should say LeClair is not particularly candid. I am guessing that the author hired to write the story did what she could with it. Or perhaps that ghost can be blamed for failing to make LeClair more sympathetic.
I believe the story here about falling for a wackadoodle cult, as well as the rest of the story that is not fully told. She makes excuses for herself and is eager to lay blame. I have no doubt there is plenty of blame, but I just did not care. I am glad she is living happily with her wife, but I still don't like or trust her.
LeClair is justified in claiming herself a victim when she first joined this cult at age 18, but she stayed with it for decades and only left when—surprise!—the church condemned her lesbian relationship. She was, after all, making so much money for them.
Is Scientology secretive and controlling to an absurd degree? Pretty much. Is it bigoted and self-righteous? You bet. Does this memoir do better than we might find in well-written investigative journalism? Not so much. Anyway, I found her whining and blaming and naiveté more than a little annoying. Again and again she uses her connection to Scientology to support, confuse, and defend her own failure to be true either to herself or the cult.
I did not finish, but read 60-some pages and skipped to the end. I hoped I would find a mature objectivity in the after, but I did not. She is the same hard-working, money-obsessed, lonely woman desperate for family that she was at 18. She escaped Scientology, but she doesn't seem to have grown all that much.
Thank you to Penguin/Random House and The Berkley Marketing Team for this free copy. I will pass it along to someone who will surely like it better than I did.
It is not a good memoir of coming out, and that is a pity, because there's a good story about sexuality buried here. The bias of Scientology is well documented and appalling. Unfortunately, the author is not particularly candid about her own feelings, motivations, nor is she particularly likable. What does she care about other than making money? Why is she attracted to people and how does she relate to men and women other than as "fun" or sexual? I should say LeClair is not particularly candid. I am guessing that the author hired to write the story did what she could with it. Or perhaps that ghost can be blamed for failing to make LeClair more sympathetic.
I believe the story here about falling for a wackadoodle cult, as well as the rest of the story that is not fully told. She makes excuses for herself and is eager to lay blame. I have no doubt there is plenty of blame, but I just did not care. I am glad she is living happily with her wife, but I still don't like or trust her.
LeClair is justified in claiming herself a victim when she first joined this cult at age 18, but she stayed with it for decades and only left when—surprise!—the church condemned her lesbian relationship. She was, after all, making so much money for them.
Is Scientology secretive and controlling to an absurd degree? Pretty much. Is it bigoted and self-righteous? You bet. Does this memoir do better than we might find in well-written investigative journalism? Not so much. Anyway, I found her whining and blaming and naiveté more than a little annoying. Again and again she uses her connection to Scientology to support, confuse, and defend her own failure to be true either to herself or the cult.
I did not finish, but read 60-some pages and skipped to the end. I hoped I would find a mature objectivity in the after, but I did not. She is the same hard-working, money-obsessed, lonely woman desperate for family that she was at 18. She escaped Scientology, but she doesn't seem to have grown all that much.
Thank you to Penguin/Random House and The Berkley Marketing Team for this free copy. I will pass it along to someone who will surely like it better than I did.
September 24, 2018
Okay read about a successful businesswoman and how and why she left the church of Scientology.
While interesting to read her story it's quite a familiar tale by now and it didn't add too much for me to what I've read before and what I've seen in documentaries. For me i'd like to have read more about the inner workings of the church.
I also thought this biography to be a little bit too smooth. I didn't really feel the pain and drama, and some aspects of the author's life seem a bit too perfect.
All in all a easy, quick and engaging read. It was okay.
While interesting to read her story it's quite a familiar tale by now and it didn't add too much for me to what I've read before and what I've seen in documentaries. For me i'd like to have read more about the inner workings of the church.
I also thought this biography to be a little bit too smooth. I didn't really feel the pain and drama, and some aspects of the author's life seem a bit too perfect.
All in all a easy, quick and engaging read. It was okay.
November 26, 2018
We often like to criticize the biographies with comments such as: "wasn't well written, it's absurd, they were all lies, they aren't so innocent, so much whimpering, etc". In some cases might be true, but they decided to share a piece of their lives, their traumas, their soul and I'm just grateful that they allow me to take a pick at the window they opened.
Michelle LeClair went through a hell and came out of it, and now, after all the catastrophes, she found the courage and energy to speak up and share her experience. Thank you for that.
It is an quick book to go through, but with a lot to think and meditate afterwards, at least for me, we all have our own personal toxic cults/relations that we aren't aware that we are deep into.
Michelle LeClair went through a hell and came out of it, and now, after all the catastrophes, she found the courage and energy to speak up and share her experience. Thank you for that.
It is an quick book to go through, but with a lot to think and meditate afterwards, at least for me, we all have our own personal toxic cults/relations that we aren't aware that we are deep into.
October 1, 2018
What can I say, really? I read the majority of this book in one sitting. After seeing the HBO documentary Going Clear and Leah Remini's show, I try to pick up and read other accounts of people who have left Scientology when I can. I am still amazed at the lengths the "church" (I use the term church loosely) goes to extort money from it's parishioners and keep them in Scientology. Particularly keeping people against their will. I am also amazed at how many celebrities (still) buy into this cult.
I read this book as part of the PopSugar Reading Challenge 2018 - A book with an LGBTQ+ protaganist.
I read this book as part of the PopSugar Reading Challenge 2018 - A book with an LGBTQ+ protaganist.
September 8, 2018
I read through this one very quickly, as I am super interested in the subject of Scientology, from both pro- and anti- viewpoints.
It was easy and interesting, however the author wrote herself as a Mary Sue in many ways, which came across as though we were only getting a slice of the full story. It would have been much better and would have felt more truthful had it been warts and all.
I look forward to the next account of Scientology life book, as each viewpoint (Jenna Hill, Ron Miscavige, Leah, etc.) have a different and fascinating story to share.
It was easy and interesting, however the author wrote herself as a Mary Sue in many ways, which came across as though we were only getting a slice of the full story. It would have been much better and would have felt more truthful had it been warts and all.
I look forward to the next account of Scientology life book, as each viewpoint (Jenna Hill, Ron Miscavige, Leah, etc.) have a different and fascinating story to share.
February 16, 2021
Yet another harrowing tale of Scientology's ability to hook people and then seek to destroy them once they've "blown." LeClair comes across as transparent, earnest and truthful. So glad she got free.
October 3, 2022
I read this book after someone in an online club I’m a member of started pushing Scientology stuff. I enjoyed the behind-the-scenes info on the religion. I don’t know how much of the author’s naïveté I 100% believe, but I’d still believe her over Scientology.
October 15, 2018
Another great take-down of the evil cult of Scientology, and how absolutely nasty it is to former adherents. The degree of actions taken against the author by the cult should tell you how crazy Scientology is as well as its meanness and vindictiveness. The author's many decades as an idealist in the cult shatter after she falls in love with a woman and is declared a Suppressive Person. The cult does an incredible and complex disinformation smear on her that causes her to lose all her business (which was making huge sums of money) and brings out the federal government with the accusation of her running a ponzi scheme--all of it based on nasty lies by Scientologists. She loses her business and her fortune, but becomes lifetime partners with her true love, and finds happiness with her simple life with her wife, her mother (whom she also rescues from Scientology), and her four kids. A very inspiring book. Also a very scary book, if you've never read anything about Scientology. My advice: stay clear of Clearwater, Florida.
October 14, 2018
Amazing story
Michelle’s story of the tragedy of believing in the Scientology cult just breaks your heart. However, she is a woman of strength, courage and pure grit. I only wish those people that believe this cult can help you, read her book and know the truth. She fought and found true love and happiness. Great read. Hard to put down.
Michelle’s story of the tragedy of believing in the Scientology cult just breaks your heart. However, she is a woman of strength, courage and pure grit. I only wish those people that believe this cult can help you, read her book and know the truth. She fought and found true love and happiness. Great read. Hard to put down.
April 16, 2022
This is the second book about Scientology that I have read, Leah Remini's being the first. I bought this book not knowing what to expect. On some level I felt like the story would be just like Leah's was but I was very mistaken.
I could not put this book down, spending almost an entire day reading it. Michelle had a bit of a rough start to life. Her mother was not exactly the best role model. She moved between states and marriages, dragging Michelle along with her. Then her mother fell into Scientology and, perhaps looking for inclusion, so did Michelle. Michelle started rather small as a teenager and then worked her way up through the ranks, also involving her husband in the Church when they married.
I found Michelle's account of what she went through to be fascinating. She was in a bad marriage, right from the beginning. Even though Michelle eventually came out as a lesbian, and admitted to a same sex attraction during her teenage years, I did not get a sense that she got married to avoid being a lesbian. In fact, I think Michelle honestly thought that her same sex attraction had been a phase and she would fall in love, and marry a man one day. She just chose the wrong man. From the start, her marriage was not good and she speaks honestly about the abuse she suffered at the hands of her husband. She also speaks about her attempts to make the marriage work, which I think is important because many people who had taken the steps she did, if nothing else than to keep her family together for her children.
Ultimately, Michelle's pull away from Scientology began when she fell in love with a women. Again, she was not identifying as a lesbian. She instead honestly said she fell in love with a person, who happened to be a woman. This is not allowed in the Scientology Church. Michelle was honest about it her relationship when questioned but they were not accepting of it. What happened next was Michelle's long and horrible battle to get away from Scientology. It is truly unbelievable the lengths the church went to when all she wanted to do was leave in peace.
Michelle is very honest in her book, in my opinion. She had money but she worked hard for it. She built her own business from the ground up, with no college degree. She was literally out of high school and into the grasp of Scientology. She knew nothing else but she created her own successful business and worked hard at it. She branched out in investments. I liked how honest she was about her success and wealth because it showed how much she worked for it.
Her discussions about her "wealth" are important to the story because she also discusses how much of her money the church wanted. Marriage counseling with a man she did not want to be with, had to write a check. Books she did not want but she did not want her mother "punished" for not meeting her quota, had to write a check. Her wealth is integral to the story because I kept adding up what she was spending in the church, and how much more they wanted from her. She was a bank to them. She worked and wrote them checks. That was all she did for many years. Michelle was open about even dollar she spent and was clear about how the church eventually left her broke. At the end, I did not get a sense of "poor me" because the church and her struggles had left her penniless. In fact, I like how she says in the end that she had the love of her life, her children, and a roof over her head so she had everything she needed.
Overall, I would recommend this book, especially if you are interested in the whole world of Scientology.
I could not put this book down, spending almost an entire day reading it. Michelle had a bit of a rough start to life. Her mother was not exactly the best role model. She moved between states and marriages, dragging Michelle along with her. Then her mother fell into Scientology and, perhaps looking for inclusion, so did Michelle. Michelle started rather small as a teenager and then worked her way up through the ranks, also involving her husband in the Church when they married.
I found Michelle's account of what she went through to be fascinating. She was in a bad marriage, right from the beginning. Even though Michelle eventually came out as a lesbian, and admitted to a same sex attraction during her teenage years, I did not get a sense that she got married to avoid being a lesbian. In fact, I think Michelle honestly thought that her same sex attraction had been a phase and she would fall in love, and marry a man one day. She just chose the wrong man. From the start, her marriage was not good and she speaks honestly about the abuse she suffered at the hands of her husband. She also speaks about her attempts to make the marriage work, which I think is important because many people who had taken the steps she did, if nothing else than to keep her family together for her children.
Ultimately, Michelle's pull away from Scientology began when she fell in love with a women. Again, she was not identifying as a lesbian. She instead honestly said she fell in love with a person, who happened to be a woman. This is not allowed in the Scientology Church. Michelle was honest about it her relationship when questioned but they were not accepting of it. What happened next was Michelle's long and horrible battle to get away from Scientology. It is truly unbelievable the lengths the church went to when all she wanted to do was leave in peace.
Michelle is very honest in her book, in my opinion. She had money but she worked hard for it. She built her own business from the ground up, with no college degree. She was literally out of high school and into the grasp of Scientology. She knew nothing else but she created her own successful business and worked hard at it. She branched out in investments. I liked how honest she was about her success and wealth because it showed how much she worked for it.
Her discussions about her "wealth" are important to the story because she also discusses how much of her money the church wanted. Marriage counseling with a man she did not want to be with, had to write a check. Books she did not want but she did not want her mother "punished" for not meeting her quota, had to write a check. Her wealth is integral to the story because I kept adding up what she was spending in the church, and how much more they wanted from her. She was a bank to them. She worked and wrote them checks. That was all she did for many years. Michelle was open about even dollar she spent and was clear about how the church eventually left her broke. At the end, I did not get a sense of "poor me" because the church and her struggles had left her penniless. In fact, I like how she says in the end that she had the love of her life, her children, and a roof over her head so she had everything she needed.
Overall, I would recommend this book, especially if you are interested in the whole world of Scientology.
April 21, 2022
A generally mediocre memoir that’s only interesting when it makes you sit in the discomfort of the Scientology specific experiences.
I found the scenes depicting the auditing process nauseating and engrossing, but most of the rest of the book being written with a calm detachment that was honestly confusing.
What stood out the most to me was the very strange and discomforting, white savior ways she discussed Black people. Including her daughter.
"she knew I had a passion for Africa and even tried to convince my husband to adopt an African child"
“I had always imagined myself with a black child”
girl WHAT
Then there was the whole bit about her wife being raised by a Black nanny who taught her not to be racist. And she argued against a restaurant that wouldn’t serve “Blacks” 🥴🥴🥴🥴
I did appreciate a peek into how the justice system worked with the church but there’s clearly little hard evidence to back that up that you could publish without being sued again so 🤷🏾♀️
I found the scenes depicting the auditing process nauseating and engrossing, but most of the rest of the book being written with a calm detachment that was honestly confusing.
What stood out the most to me was the very strange and discomforting, white savior ways she discussed Black people. Including her daughter.
"she knew I had a passion for Africa and even tried to convince my husband to adopt an African child"
“I had always imagined myself with a black child”
girl WHAT
Then there was the whole bit about her wife being raised by a Black nanny who taught her not to be racist. And she argued against a restaurant that wouldn’t serve “Blacks” 🥴🥴🥴🥴
I did appreciate a peek into how the justice system worked with the church but there’s clearly little hard evidence to back that up that you could publish without being sued again so 🤷🏾♀️
September 25, 2022
Have read ALOT of memoirs of peoples experiences with Scientology. Was interested to read Michelle’s experience with her business being so affected as well as her sexual preferences being a constant struggle with her involvement in the church.
But her book left me with a bad taste in my mouth I couldn’t quite put a finger on. Other reviews confirmed I wasn’t crazy to think that.
Maybe it was her elitist experience of thinking her money / donations would buy her more protection and allow for the rules not to apply to her? Or that the criminal charges against her vs her claims of complete innocence weren’t adding up to me…
For the first time I read someone’s experience with the cult and thought there was another side to this story… or that she was using Scientology as an angle to shift the blame / negativity away from her and solely on to the church ?
There’s a dozen other books / memoirs I’d reccomends over this one. Skip this one.
But her book left me with a bad taste in my mouth I couldn’t quite put a finger on. Other reviews confirmed I wasn’t crazy to think that.
Maybe it was her elitist experience of thinking her money / donations would buy her more protection and allow for the rules not to apply to her? Or that the criminal charges against her vs her claims of complete innocence weren’t adding up to me…
For the first time I read someone’s experience with the cult and thought there was another side to this story… or that she was using Scientology as an angle to shift the blame / negativity away from her and solely on to the church ?
There’s a dozen other books / memoirs I’d reccomends over this one. Skip this one.
May 6, 2021
It's been a while since I've read a book about Scientology (probably since reading Going Clear and Troublemaker), and I found myself fascinated and horrified anew in reading LeClair's account of supporting and later leaving Scientology. This book begins with a movie scene opening: police barging into LeClair's house with a warrant, tearing through her house and scaring her family. What follows is the story up until that moment, with the first part being mostly about her indoctrination into Scientology, its practices, and her success in various aspects of its business. This book moves through phases, beginning with a history of Scientology and her involvement, shifting to a trauma memoir when dealing with her abusive relationship with her ex-husband, becoming a love story (meet-cute included) when she meets the woman who makes her feel love for the first time, to a spy/thriller as the church seeks to destroy her and everything she's worked for. I found it captivating and well-written, though her privilege is unaddressed and often problematic and the conclusion felt a bit rushed, the action giving way to a reflection that I found lacking.
March 3, 2020
A revealing look into a terrible cult. Michelle is too self-righteous but undeniably experienced true hardship from involvement with Scientology.
May 26, 2024
A FORMER “BIG DONOR” TO SCIENTOLOGY EXPLAINS HER DEPARTURE
Author Michelle LeClair wrote in the Introduction to this 2018 book, “For years, I have been the target of a witch hunt by what could only have been the very people I once trusted with my life: my fellow Scientologists. I foolishly believed my adversaries would eventually tire of harassing me and move on to the next ‘enemy,’ but false allegations from church files landed anonymously on the desk of the Los Angeles District Attorney and I have been fighting to clear my name ever since. What was happening to me was straight out of a Scientology book of dirty tricks…
“My troubles began when my Scientology mentor outed me in a report to the church Ethics Department, accusing me of questioning the legitimacy of some of the church’s rules and beliefs specifically, those that applied to homosexuality… [L. Ron] Hubbard had declared homosexuals the lowest form of life---‘perverted’ and ‘dangerous’ people who should be disdained as enemies of the church. Sixty years later, homophobia was still endemic in Scientology, but people were quieter about it. I knew the rules, but I recklessly talked myself into believing that, because I was a top donor, contributing millions to the church, my relationship with a woman would be tolerated, or at least ignored. I couldn’t have been more mistaken.” (Pg. 6-7)
She continues, “I knew of families, friends, marriages and careers torn apart by the church’s shadowy actions. I had come to deeply regret that I participated in one of the church’s covert campaigns to discredit a reporter from the BBC. The BBC. Now that was a story. The church was really rattled to learn that journalists from the British news organizations were investigating us for a television documentary. The church loathed journalists. L. Ron Hubbard called them ��merchants of chaos.’ Media critics were targeted with ‘deflect and destroy’ campaigns: Deflect bad press by destroying the credibility of the messenger. That was the plan for the BBC.” (Pg. 8)
She goes on, “I knew how far the church would go to exact revenge. I had come to know a merciless church. Not even David Miscavage’s closest allies were exempt from retribution if they were suspected of disloyalty---real or imagined. His top executives told of being punished with incarceration in a place called ‘The Hole,’ an ant-infested, sweltering set of double-wide trailers … where they were confined---for weeks or sometimes years---and forced to do hard labor, sleep on the floor, eat slop and undergo intense interrogation until they collapsed… Miscavage’s wife, Shelly, was banished to a California mountain compound more than a decade ago and still hasn’t been seen in public, allegedly as punishment for displeasing her husband.” (Pg. 11)
When young, after an auto accident that she calls “a kind of spiritual awakening,” she was speaking with “a lapsed Jew … who’d converted to Scientology… His job was assessing the spiritual and emotional level of people who were new to Scientology… he did this by means of a process called ‘auditing’ … [which] required the aid of a Scientology device called an … E-meter… That was the key to uncovering past traumas … all in an effort to save not just ourselves but the universe. Each person saved brought us a step closer to the perfect civilization we strived for. Only Scientologists … could save the planet. I finally understood what my mother had meant when she talked about having a ‘higher purpose.’ It now made sense to me.” (Pg. 27-28) Later, she adds, “like any good cult member, I went with the flow. I had found my place.” (Pg. 33)
Before long, “Joining the Sea Org was the way to redeem myself… I signed the church’s official ‘employment contract,’ in which I pledged to work for the Sea Organization for as many lifetimes as I had ‘for the next billion years.’ I was eager to get started. I was finally going to do something I’d always wanted to do: save lives!” (Pg. 49)
After she made a payment of $90,000 to the church, she noted, “‘Big donors’ were awarded celebrity status… As a big donor… I would get my own private limousine… Money brought immediate deference and respect. [My husband] Sean and I came home broke, but I was confident that … The [Scientology] course had given me the extra fire I needed to take my career to the next level… I was on my way to becoming one of Scientology’s movers and shakers.” (Pg. 93)
She was given a “new role as the volunteer U.S. president of our church-sanctioned group… I had found my niche. I threw myself into my new volunteer position ,… I knew the church was always looking for ways to enhance its public image by attaching itself to good causes, and this was one. They called it ‘safe-pointing,’ a term for counterattacking critics by promoting a positive public image.” (Pg. 96-97) Soon she started her own insurance firm: “Within months, I was selling huge insurance policies to the rich and famous…. I wrote my largest check ever to the church. The church took advantage of my good fortune by showing me off at galas and celebrity events. I was Scientology’s poster girl. Look at Michelle! She’s young and happily married with a beautiful child and a winning business! Scientology can do that for you too!” (Pg. 105-106)
At a banquet, she met a woman named Charley Harper, who was married to a woman named Maria. LeClair observed, “As a lesbian, charley would be branded a lowly level 1.1 on the Tone Scale… but if [Charley] was an indication of what most [lesbians] were like, then maybe the church should reevaluate its judgment… ‘this woman… is warm and kind and she seems to be living a very normal, happy life.’” (Pg. 131-133)
She recounts, “I finally settled into a routine. I was raising four children as a single mother… I was so happy to be free from Sean… I worked from home for the next couple of months… My time was limited and I began refusing visits from church members. The break gave me even more clarity about Scientology… I had really begun to question what the church stood for… They have all this money but none of it is spent on bettering the world. They don’t build hospitals or orphanages … All they do is build their own beautiful buildings and tout their wealth and their celebrities.” (Pg. 151-152)
Ultimately, she realizes that she is a lesbian, and in love with Charley. She mused, “I knew the road to acceptance of my relationship with Charley would be long and difficult. In the eyes of the church, we were sexual deviants who threatened mankind… But I had paid for ethics protection with large donations before. And I would do it again if it brought me a reprieve.” (Pg. 181) But in the end, “things became perfectly clear to me. I would never be free to be me and be a member of the Church of Scientology. I left the Celebrity Centre that day, vowing never to return.” (Pg. 217)
Soon, “If I couldn’t say definitively that the church was directing my downfall, I strongly believed this was the case.” (Pg. 242) She adds, “Two of my most profitable accounts… pulled their business… I knew where it was all coming from… I’d learned it during the briefing on the Black Propaganda campaign against the BBC reporter… I finally understood … that my so-called religion was a cult… I felt like a fool for having been so blind… and fearful of what lay ahead… I was a victim, like so many others, of a calculated scam called Scientology. Along with that knowledge came a certain freedom…” (Pg. 251-252)
A criminal case was brought against her: “My life was at its lowest point. It was hard for me to get out of bed or even to eat.” (Pg. 269) But finally, “My charges were dropped… It took six years, and in the end truth prevailed. I was innocent.” (Pg. 273)
She concludes, “There are still times when I feel angry and defeated and scared, but not very often. Mostly, I am grateful. I know I went through all of this for a reason. I needed to be humbled… I am emotionally free from the vicious, judgmental restraints of Scientology. My children are healthy and happy… And my relationship with Charley is stronger than ever. I feel like I have tapped into a real energy that flows in this world, which is love.” (Pg. 280)
Both a critical memoir about Scientology, and a ‘coming-out-story,’ this book will be of great interest to those seeking critiques of Scientology.
Author Michelle LeClair wrote in the Introduction to this 2018 book, “For years, I have been the target of a witch hunt by what could only have been the very people I once trusted with my life: my fellow Scientologists. I foolishly believed my adversaries would eventually tire of harassing me and move on to the next ‘enemy,’ but false allegations from church files landed anonymously on the desk of the Los Angeles District Attorney and I have been fighting to clear my name ever since. What was happening to me was straight out of a Scientology book of dirty tricks…
“My troubles began when my Scientology mentor outed me in a report to the church Ethics Department, accusing me of questioning the legitimacy of some of the church’s rules and beliefs specifically, those that applied to homosexuality… [L. Ron] Hubbard had declared homosexuals the lowest form of life---‘perverted’ and ‘dangerous’ people who should be disdained as enemies of the church. Sixty years later, homophobia was still endemic in Scientology, but people were quieter about it. I knew the rules, but I recklessly talked myself into believing that, because I was a top donor, contributing millions to the church, my relationship with a woman would be tolerated, or at least ignored. I couldn’t have been more mistaken.” (Pg. 6-7)
She continues, “I knew of families, friends, marriages and careers torn apart by the church’s shadowy actions. I had come to deeply regret that I participated in one of the church’s covert campaigns to discredit a reporter from the BBC. The BBC. Now that was a story. The church was really rattled to learn that journalists from the British news organizations were investigating us for a television documentary. The church loathed journalists. L. Ron Hubbard called them ��merchants of chaos.’ Media critics were targeted with ‘deflect and destroy’ campaigns: Deflect bad press by destroying the credibility of the messenger. That was the plan for the BBC.” (Pg. 8)
She goes on, “I knew how far the church would go to exact revenge. I had come to know a merciless church. Not even David Miscavage’s closest allies were exempt from retribution if they were suspected of disloyalty---real or imagined. His top executives told of being punished with incarceration in a place called ‘The Hole,’ an ant-infested, sweltering set of double-wide trailers … where they were confined---for weeks or sometimes years---and forced to do hard labor, sleep on the floor, eat slop and undergo intense interrogation until they collapsed… Miscavage’s wife, Shelly, was banished to a California mountain compound more than a decade ago and still hasn’t been seen in public, allegedly as punishment for displeasing her husband.” (Pg. 11)
When young, after an auto accident that she calls “a kind of spiritual awakening,” she was speaking with “a lapsed Jew … who’d converted to Scientology… His job was assessing the spiritual and emotional level of people who were new to Scientology… he did this by means of a process called ‘auditing’ … [which] required the aid of a Scientology device called an … E-meter… That was the key to uncovering past traumas … all in an effort to save not just ourselves but the universe. Each person saved brought us a step closer to the perfect civilization we strived for. Only Scientologists … could save the planet. I finally understood what my mother had meant when she talked about having a ‘higher purpose.’ It now made sense to me.” (Pg. 27-28) Later, she adds, “like any good cult member, I went with the flow. I had found my place.” (Pg. 33)
Before long, “Joining the Sea Org was the way to redeem myself… I signed the church’s official ‘employment contract,’ in which I pledged to work for the Sea Organization for as many lifetimes as I had ‘for the next billion years.’ I was eager to get started. I was finally going to do something I’d always wanted to do: save lives!” (Pg. 49)
After she made a payment of $90,000 to the church, she noted, “‘Big donors’ were awarded celebrity status… As a big donor… I would get my own private limousine… Money brought immediate deference and respect. [My husband] Sean and I came home broke, but I was confident that … The [Scientology] course had given me the extra fire I needed to take my career to the next level… I was on my way to becoming one of Scientology’s movers and shakers.” (Pg. 93)
She was given a “new role as the volunteer U.S. president of our church-sanctioned group… I had found my niche. I threw myself into my new volunteer position ,… I knew the church was always looking for ways to enhance its public image by attaching itself to good causes, and this was one. They called it ‘safe-pointing,’ a term for counterattacking critics by promoting a positive public image.” (Pg. 96-97) Soon she started her own insurance firm: “Within months, I was selling huge insurance policies to the rich and famous…. I wrote my largest check ever to the church. The church took advantage of my good fortune by showing me off at galas and celebrity events. I was Scientology’s poster girl. Look at Michelle! She’s young and happily married with a beautiful child and a winning business! Scientology can do that for you too!” (Pg. 105-106)
At a banquet, she met a woman named Charley Harper, who was married to a woman named Maria. LeClair observed, “As a lesbian, charley would be branded a lowly level 1.1 on the Tone Scale… but if [Charley] was an indication of what most [lesbians] were like, then maybe the church should reevaluate its judgment… ‘this woman… is warm and kind and she seems to be living a very normal, happy life.’” (Pg. 131-133)
She recounts, “I finally settled into a routine. I was raising four children as a single mother… I was so happy to be free from Sean… I worked from home for the next couple of months… My time was limited and I began refusing visits from church members. The break gave me even more clarity about Scientology… I had really begun to question what the church stood for… They have all this money but none of it is spent on bettering the world. They don’t build hospitals or orphanages … All they do is build their own beautiful buildings and tout their wealth and their celebrities.” (Pg. 151-152)
Ultimately, she realizes that she is a lesbian, and in love with Charley. She mused, “I knew the road to acceptance of my relationship with Charley would be long and difficult. In the eyes of the church, we were sexual deviants who threatened mankind… But I had paid for ethics protection with large donations before. And I would do it again if it brought me a reprieve.” (Pg. 181) But in the end, “things became perfectly clear to me. I would never be free to be me and be a member of the Church of Scientology. I left the Celebrity Centre that day, vowing never to return.” (Pg. 217)
Soon, “If I couldn’t say definitively that the church was directing my downfall, I strongly believed this was the case.” (Pg. 242) She adds, “Two of my most profitable accounts… pulled their business… I knew where it was all coming from… I’d learned it during the briefing on the Black Propaganda campaign against the BBC reporter… I finally understood … that my so-called religion was a cult… I felt like a fool for having been so blind… and fearful of what lay ahead… I was a victim, like so many others, of a calculated scam called Scientology. Along with that knowledge came a certain freedom…” (Pg. 251-252)
A criminal case was brought against her: “My life was at its lowest point. It was hard for me to get out of bed or even to eat.” (Pg. 269) But finally, “My charges were dropped… It took six years, and in the end truth prevailed. I was innocent.” (Pg. 273)
She concludes, “There are still times when I feel angry and defeated and scared, but not very often. Mostly, I am grateful. I know I went through all of this for a reason. I needed to be humbled… I am emotionally free from the vicious, judgmental restraints of Scientology. My children are healthy and happy… And my relationship with Charley is stronger than ever. I feel like I have tapped into a real energy that flows in this world, which is love.” (Pg. 280)
Both a critical memoir about Scientology, and a ‘coming-out-story,’ this book will be of great interest to those seeking critiques of Scientology.
April 14, 2019
coming-out story, plus survivor of abusive marriage plus breaking free of Scientology, with a huge lawsuit for alleged ponzi scheme as the cherry on top.
She keeps the story moving, and I read to the end, but it was somehow not as riveting as I would have guessed in light of the big picture of what all she went through. I'm not motivated to reread it and try to dissect what stylistics might account for that gap, but I think at least part of it might be that she often dwelled on details of no great interest to me as a reader.
Possibly because she went through a financial roller-coaster [impoverished, then rich as all get out, then back to earth], the period of luxury read a little "lifestyles of the rich and famous" -- slowing the narrative down to point out how she never thought little old her would be having lunch with famous people in fancy places and so on and so on. I could have skipped a lot of that in favor of the family stuff such as trying to sustain her relationship with her Mom, who was even more hard-core Scientology most of the way.
She keeps the story moving, and I read to the end, but it was somehow not as riveting as I would have guessed in light of the big picture of what all she went through. I'm not motivated to reread it and try to dissect what stylistics might account for that gap, but I think at least part of it might be that she often dwelled on details of no great interest to me as a reader.
Possibly because she went through a financial roller-coaster [impoverished, then rich as all get out, then back to earth], the period of luxury read a little "lifestyles of the rich and famous" -- slowing the narrative down to point out how she never thought little old her would be having lunch with famous people in fancy places and so on and so on. I could have skipped a lot of that in favor of the family stuff such as trying to sustain her relationship with her Mom, who was even more hard-core Scientology most of the way.
Read
January 24, 2019As a welcome surprise, this is not written in a sensationalized tabloid manner, or a self-aggrandizing narcissistic manner typical of reality tv memoirs. Rather this is a relatively spartan account that documents what the author knew and experienced of Scientology, and since Scientology permeated every aspect of her life, it doubles as an autobiography. The author was clearly a prominent member, donating millions to Scientology by her own admission until she was persecuted for homosexuality.
It should be interesting to analyse which of Scientology's practices and attractions are unique to it, and which are common to all cults drawing from some universal cult handbook. For instance, there's the initial hook as self-help or therapy, the excessive love and hospitality provided by the in-group, the gradual manner of introducing psychotic beliefs or hardships, the commandment to disregard external news and information that contradict the teachings of the the group. All this must have happened in cultish systems or conspiratorial fraternities before. The author cites that if there is anything new with Scientology, it must be the militant, near-terroristic, way with which they hound excommunicates. Other cults are content with cutting off contact. Scientology makes it their collective mission to ruin the person's life through effective psychological warfare, such as inventing legal accusations that leave the person vulnerable to police intrusions.
It should be interesting to analyse which of Scientology's practices and attractions are unique to it, and which are common to all cults drawing from some universal cult handbook. For instance, there's the initial hook as self-help or therapy, the excessive love and hospitality provided by the in-group, the gradual manner of introducing psychotic beliefs or hardships, the commandment to disregard external news and information that contradict the teachings of the the group. All this must have happened in cultish systems or conspiratorial fraternities before. The author cites that if there is anything new with Scientology, it must be the militant, near-terroristic, way with which they hound excommunicates. Other cults are content with cutting off contact. Scientology makes it their collective mission to ruin the person's life through effective psychological warfare, such as inventing legal accusations that leave the person vulnerable to police intrusions.
March 30, 2019
I have read several books from people who have left Scientology and this one is one the best. Michelle was just living her life the best she could with her family to support and her "church" to support and she just wanted to continue doing that but she could not! Scientology would not let her, they only wanted her and anyone for the money they could/can contribute (or free labor). I am so glad she was able to get out for underneath it and just be happy. Kudo's Michelle!
November 6, 2018
Michelle Leclair does an incredible job of walking through the series of unfortunate events that led to her distrust of the cult of Scientology, and her ultimate coming out, and seeing the organization for what it is. It is truly incredible the strength it must have took her to walk away from everyone/everything she new and choose to recreate herself apart from the organization that didn't have her back in any way. Although this story was definitely probably a painful one to write, her courage and amazing strength to persist gives hope to so many still brainwashed, or those who don't know there is a world outside of Scientology, a world ready to accept them and love them for who they are. WELL DONE MICHELLE. Let's try to get the Church of Scientology investigated. They should NOT be tax exempt. They are NOT a religion. They are a CULT. THANK YOU for your story.
December 18, 2018
Michelle shares how she became involved with Scientology and how she decided to break away from the group.
I read Leah Remini's "Troublemaker" a couple years ago and have watched Leah Remini's television show about Scientology. It's interesting hearing these stories about Scientology, something I am not familiar with.
I found Michelle's story interesting. I read a few reviews where they didn't care for the writing of the book. The writing was fine with me and I was drawn into Michelle's story. Michelle shares her marriage struggles, having children, adopting a child, struggling to receive a divorce and then realizing she was attracted to women, and breaking from Scientology as they don't allow lesbians in the group.
More of my book reviews can be found at https://bookswithkari.blogspot.com/
I read Leah Remini's "Troublemaker" a couple years ago and have watched Leah Remini's television show about Scientology. It's interesting hearing these stories about Scientology, something I am not familiar with.
I found Michelle's story interesting. I read a few reviews where they didn't care for the writing of the book. The writing was fine with me and I was drawn into Michelle's story. Michelle shares her marriage struggles, having children, adopting a child, struggling to receive a divorce and then realizing she was attracted to women, and breaking from Scientology as they don't allow lesbians in the group.
More of my book reviews can be found at https://bookswithkari.blogspot.com/
November 17, 2018
Interesting book on both Scientology and the author's grappling with her sexuality and coming out, although both subjects are given short shrift. I've read many books on Scientology so I understood more than a more casual reader and have a fair understanding of alternative lifestyles and LGBTQ issues. This book is an easy and quick read, fairly straightforward and thus lacking in depth, plus containing some annoying editing errors.
January 28, 2019
I have read a few books now regarding others experiences with Scientolgy. Although each story differs, the church as they call themselves has questionable practices and influence on people. I had hard time getting thru this book. In part because I was busy and my emotions once again were in motion due to the way people were being treated. I'm glad Michelle separated herself in spite of all it cost her.
Read
October 29, 2023No rating.
I do not rate biographical/autobiographical works as I am not rating the subject's life or judging how it was intended to be perceived.
This is such an incredible story! Michelle, like Leah Remini, left Scientology after decades inside the cult. Her story of escape and resilience is inspiring.
If you are interested in Scientology and want to hear about it from a person who knew it well, I highly recommend this book.
*consumed as an audiobook and physical copy
I do not rate biographical/autobiographical works as I am not rating the subject's life or judging how it was intended to be perceived.
This is such an incredible story! Michelle, like Leah Remini, left Scientology after decades inside the cult. Her story of escape and resilience is inspiring.
If you are interested in Scientology and want to hear about it from a person who knew it well, I highly recommend this book.
*consumed as an audiobook and physical copy
October 29, 2018
This story really got under my skin and drew me in. I read most of this at one sitting - I honestly could not put it down and I'm not entirely sure why. The writing isn't extraordinary, she seems to leave out a lot of crucial details, and things often seem too good to be true...but still, I found this a compelling read that helps shed more light on this terrible cult.
November 1, 2018
Sorry but Scientologists are crazy....it was very very interesting to read her journey and all the things that are "behind the curtain" of Scientology.....honestly the main thing that bugged me was that she used another name for her partner in her book than her real name...which I found after I google'd her...but otherwise a good read!
Displaying 1 - 30 of 81 reviews