Starving in Search of Me: A Coming-of-Age Story of Overcoming an Eating Disorder and Finding Self-Acceptance

by Marissa LaRocca

"A heartrending memoir meets an empowering self-help guide" in this account of coming to terms with food, body image, and sexuality (Joshua Rosenthal, founder and director of the Institute for Integrative Nutrition).

In this riveting, intimate book, Marissa LaRocca relates her own struggle living, for a time, in two one to hide her eating disorder and one to hide her sexuality and very identity. As she unravels the emotional layers of her battle, she reveals the skills she learned that led her to find herself--and to eventually emerge as an outspoken advocate for gay rights and women's health issues. She shares the hard-won wisdom she gained during her journey, to help
Identify the root causes, symptoms, and triggers associated with an eating disorder
Acknowledge the "life issues" that are being masked by "food issues" or other addictions
Disempower compulsive behaviors like binging, purging, and obsessing about calories and exercise
Heal your relationship with food through healing your relationship with yourself
Escape the victim role, become empowered, and take responsibility for your own happiness
Connect with your life's purpose and authentic self, transforming your weaknesses into strengths
Free your mind through tuning in to the body and witnessing emotions
Improve your body image and self-esteem by aligning your lifestyle with your true values and desires, and with what is realistic
Effectively communicate your needs with confidence
Establish guilt-free lifestyle boundaries to reduce anxiety and maximize vitality
Enhance peace of mind by developing a reliable support system
Eliminate the need to be perfect by practicing forgiveness and compassion toward yourself

Genres: Nonfiction, Audiobook, LGBT, Mental Health, Memoir, Biography

133 pages, Kindle Edition

First published December 15, 2017

Reviews

[bibliophil.leah · Rating 3 out of 5]

I really enjoyed the first half of the book but the second half was way too spiritual for me. It’s just something I really can’t relate to. But I really liked how she talked about finding your core believes and the gains through your eating disorder very good.

[Melanie Brinkman]

Wow.

I'm so glad this book was given to me. There is a lot I resonated with. I also picked up a lot of tips that may make my life better. A couple of my favorites are :
" Also we are shaped by more than our experiences - we're shaped by the meeting with signs of those experiences. "
" I accept now that there is light and dark inside of every human being and that the most evolved people are not those who have mastered the art of coexisting but rather those who have mastered that are coexisting with their darkness."
" The body can be a strange thing. Essentially the body is a random animal we have it for the time we spent on Earth."
" It's my job to carve out space for myself to exist the ways I need to exist, even when others won't. And I remind myself daily that those who are meant to be in my life will accept that. I'm not selfish for honoring my own needs. Other people's reactions to my batteries don't determine the validity of my boundaries. And the only thing I need to be 100% of the time it's true to myself. "
Just want to put this one there again : " and the only thing I need to be 100% of the time is true to myself."
"The way I see it now, suffering is not always the same as pain. Sunda is suffering is a choice that comes from avoiding pain, or avoiding life. Anyone can self destruct. Self-destructing is easy."
Marissa Larocca's writing in my opinion is clear and to the point.
I feel like everyone should read this book it is empowering and helpful.

[Amber Sema · Rating 2 out of 5]

I feel bad about disliking this book because I think it’s important that the author shared her story. However, half of this book is not about her life experiences or related to the topic of surviving an eating disorder. It’s filled with typical, basic advice on how to improve your well-being. The book is basically half memoir, half generic self-help book.

It didn’t feel like the author was the right person to provide this kind of advice given her background. A lot of generic statements were made that would’ve been better had they been backed by or based on research. I would not recommend that someone use this book to help them recover from an eating disorder, although hearing about her personal experience with hers may be helpful or comforting.

I feel that others will have a similar experience of not really getting exactly what they thought they’d get from this book. I was expecting a more intimate, detailed account of her experiences.

[Sharlynn · Rating 2 out of 5]

This might be helpful and inspiring for a young adult struggling with an eating disorder. However, I was looking for something to help my 13 year old showing early signs of anorexia. Of course I wanted to read through it first. I decided it was too mature for her... referring to things like "Blow job", "Gang-banging", and non-committal "fucking". There are also many references to drinking and smoking (with no mention of regret or contraindication).

[Lisa · Rating 3 out of 5]

I thought this was well written and I found it helpful the way the author was able to reflect on all of the myriad factors that contributed to her unhappiness as a young adult , of which I think the eating disorder was just the most extreme symptom.

The interconnections between feelings of shame, acceptance, the complexities of body image, sexuality, people pleasing tendencies, societal pressures and gender identity were explored thoughtfully and honestly. All of this were things I recognised and I think a lot of people of all ages could recognise and see the truth in and helped me to understand eating disorders more deeply.

I liked the second sort of self-help style section which took the form of reflective essays. The writer referenced Brene Brown (I love anyone who references Brene), Marie Kondo (always gave her a wide berth but might be more open minded now !) among others.

[Maria Dedelis · Rating 4 out of 5]

It's probably not the perfect book for people STRUGGLING with eating disorders but for me who DID struggle in the past (and is mostly cured), this half memoir-half comforting tips finally made me feel understood. LaRocca tells us about her growing up and discovering herself - how the childhood experience and coming out as a lesbian in the American society of early '00s shaped her. How the need to take control over the adulthood that came too fast, led to anorexia and bulimia. How complex eating disorder really is and how hard it is to recover from it. A very important read.
I could relate to so many aspects it literally made me cry - the alienating your mind from your body, the need to be free and controlled at the same time, to be noticed and taken care of. It felt as if you'd been hugged

[Liralen · Rating 3 out of 5]

Interesting. Deviates from standard eating disorder memoirs in that it spends a relatively brief period on the eating disorder(s) before moving into takeaways and so on. It's set up with very clear structure, not entirely unlike an academic paper (headers and the like), making it pretty clearly something meant more as a resource than a story. The one thing I would have preferred would have been a lack of numbers—it's otherwise interesting, but I wouldn't go out of my way to recommend it because of said numbers.

[C C Garrison · Rating 5 out of 5]

I am not sure the rating her is as low as it is. This was an amazing audio book (performance fantastic). You get to listen and really not just about eating disorders but sexuality, identity, addiction, and so much more. I do not have an eating disorder discussed in audio so much as an emotional eater. I have had times of addiction from alcohol, meth, lsd, extasy, and exercise. She really speaks to the soul of what really matters is you and how you treat yourself. I bought the book just to give myself reminders on being me.

[Lilli · Rating 3 out of 5]

Interesting read. There are some really powerful passages detailing the author’s experience with eating disorders and her takeaways from this time in her life.

There are also many parts that would benefit from some statistics- the author simply states things without any evidence to back them up. References are used in the book but only for some definitions.

The author has some weird takes, honestly. A direct quote:

“Every person born on this planet is born with an equal amount of agency over his or her own life.”

This is simply untrue? Even with context it truly is not any better.

[L E · Rating 3 out of 5]

"Suffering is not the same as pain" how true these words are and how they resonated with me, for an OCD, dyslexic, handicap, lesbian minority ... this book although focusing on eating disorder brings to light so many key points that transcends addiction or disorders. I truly believe it will help many.

Very thankful to have come across this book, I'm taking away several key things to reflect upon in my own life and self-worth.

[Rose Bateman · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a very well written book about the topic of eating disorders. Not only does it give you some raw and real moments of Marissa's experience with Belimia, but it gives you a well curated list of steps she's seen success in. During the second half of the book the author gives you lessons she's learned and ways she's overcome her eating disorders. Not only does this show that not eating disorders come from external sources, but sometimes it's trauma collected from not knowing how to deal with life in general. This list of lessons are a very good start to learning how to be a mindful functioning human being.
The fact that there are also LGBTQ+ and gender conversations is a plus in my books.

[Faye · Rating 3 out of 5]

De eerste helft vond ik veel herkenning en begrip. Het is fijn om het verhaal van anderen te lezen, ook om je meer begrip te geven over je eigen verhaal.
Het tweede deel voelde... meh. Soms een kroop ze teveel in een slachtoffer-rol, soms was het nogal zweverig. Niet echt mijn ding.

[alayna jade ✿ · Rating 5 out of 5]

this book had its ups and downs but overall it was a really good book and it helped me get and understanding of me with my eating disorder all though as she said s “food disorders have nothing to do with food at all”

[Ellie · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book probably isn't for everyone, but I definitely related to a lot of the author's experiences and appreciated some of the insights she had gained from them. It's worth checking out if you are learning how to love yourself better and become a healthier person overall.

[Monobella]

I’m sorry but the audiobook narrator sounded so bored reading this. The subject matter is really important but I felt like this book only covered the surface level and lacked any depth. Dnfed this @ 1h42m

[SaraKay · Rating 2 out of 5]

2.5/5

not really what I was expecting or hoping for tbh

[Ellin · Rating 2 out of 5]

Though there were some interesting points, this felt like a paper for a freshman writing seminar and just wasn’t what I was expecting.

[Kendall Concini · Rating 2 out of 5]

#readingchallenge2022 (my book where the chapters have titles)

Please note, my two star rating is a personal rating on my inability to connect or resonate with the overall struggle and experience of the author, which was my intent when selecting this book.

As I recently have been exploring various books openly discussing eating disorder, I found this particular novel difficult to connect with-which by no means de-values the pain and suffering of the author, but just an inability for myself to reflect based on the factors that contributed to her symptoms.

The book was structured more as an overall mind/body self-help, inner reflection, spiritually, than specific to understanding a grittier relationship with food. The author explored body image in relation to gender identity and societal pressures. There were interesting points, but not enough take away for me to feel emotionally connected.

[Hilary Cockshaw · Rating 4 out of 5]

Audiobook

[SW! · Rating 2 out of 5]

Not my cup of tea for sure.

[Madison King · Rating 3 out of 5]

Included some details that could be potentially triggering. (Calorie counts, weights, etc)