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You're Never Ready for a Zombie Apocalypse
The crew of the USCG Buoy Tender Sassafras, out of Honolulu, has embodied the Coast Guard’s Always Ready, in every mission, every circumstance, every crazy thing Mother Nature and the US Government has seen fit to dump in their laps. They’ve been doing so much, with so little, for so long, they feel ready to face anything.
But then, they’ve never had to face a zombie apocalypse.
You’re Never Ready for a Zombie Apocalypse follows this group of Coast Guard misfits as they confront the unthinkable, with courage, heart, humor, and (wherever possible) deadly weaponry.
But then, they’ve never had to face a zombie apocalypse.
You’re Never Ready for a Zombie Apocalypse follows this group of Coast Guard misfits as they confront the unthinkable, with courage, heart, humor, and (wherever possible) deadly weaponry.
- GenresZombies
417 pages, Kindle Edition
First published January 9, 2018
164 people are currently reading
35 people want to read
About the author
Jeff Thomson
11 books14 followersThe author is a 14 year veteran of the US Coast Guard. He's currently living in Las Vegas, where he's almost done with his sixth novel, Zombies of Infamy.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 30 reviews
January 24, 2025
You're Never Ready for a Zombie Apocalypse is a spectacular start to the Guardians of the Apocalypse series.
Especially appreciated learning about the various ships and the line of command within the Coast Guard as the Zombie action takes to the high seas.
Recommend to any/all Zombie genre enthusiasts.
Especially appreciated learning about the various ships and the line of command within the Coast Guard as the Zombie action takes to the high seas.
Recommend to any/all Zombie genre enthusiasts.
April 2, 2018
This was a very different take on a Zombie Apocalypse! What would happen if you were in the Coast Guard and out to sea when the Zompoc happens? The author, Jeff Thomson, tells you in this book.
I will say that there was a LOT of military jargon, acronyms, etc. which made it a little hard to read (since I am unfamiliar with all of this). But, the story was a strong one, the characters were amazing and I enjoyed reading it.
The addition of pirates was great and it's always good to have some a-hole villains in this type of book. Also, haven't we all had a superior (either officer or boss) that we wanted to kill in a gruesome manner? Well, Mr. Thomson allows one of the MCs a chance to do this for all of us!
I am looking forward to reading the next book in this series. Like I said previously, if you can muddle through all the military stuff, this is a great zombie book!
I will say that there was a LOT of military jargon, acronyms, etc. which made it a little hard to read (since I am unfamiliar with all of this). But, the story was a strong one, the characters were amazing and I enjoyed reading it.
The addition of pirates was great and it's always good to have some a-hole villains in this type of book. Also, haven't we all had a superior (either officer or boss) that we wanted to kill in a gruesome manner? Well, Mr. Thomson allows one of the MCs a chance to do this for all of us!
I am looking forward to reading the next book in this series. Like I said previously, if you can muddle through all the military stuff, this is a great zombie book!
September 11, 2020
The title is aptly named. You're Never Ready for a Zombie Apocalypse, it's well-plotted, well-written, witty, humorous, exciting, and entertaining. Definitely, an excellent start to the series. The storyline follows various characters, and you get insight as to who they are and their roles in the overall plot. Jeff Thomson has done an exceptional job with the cast; they were well-developed, realistic, diverse, and some quite interesting. Furthermore, Thomson created realism by incorporating his expertise and personal knowledge of the Coast Guard culture into the story.
A stellar performance by Matthew Crow, he captured the narrative and the characters flawlessly. He is a talented narrator with the ability to use a wide range of tones to depict the distinct personalities. You're Never Ready for a Zombie Apocalypse is an excellent addition to the genre, one I highly recommend to the zompoc enthusiasts.
A stellar performance by Matthew Crow, he captured the narrative and the characters flawlessly. He is a talented narrator with the ability to use a wide range of tones to depict the distinct personalities. You're Never Ready for a Zombie Apocalypse is an excellent addition to the genre, one I highly recommend to the zompoc enthusiasts.
January 24, 2023
I wasn't ready. I didn't think this was going to be as good as it is.
To be alone in a world-ending catastrophe, a true apocalypse, with zombies of all things! The crew of the Coast Guard cutter Sassafrass had dwindled from 39 to 8. The ship's new Ensign was now the Captain and had 7 crew to run the cutter. But they rid themselves of infected crew and cleaned the decks and compartments of gore. They've had contact with one other person in the remains of Coast Guard headquarters, still manning the radio room. Surely there are more somewhere, hiding from danger somewhere in the millions of square miles of the Pacific Ocean. Their job now to help where help is needed and to be "always ready".
The characters are developed, each as well-known as a brother, sister, cousin or crazy uncle! With their own personalities and foibles, the characters are each defined with their wants and needs laid bare to our ready eyes. The storyline is clear: the world is overtaken by a terrible illness leaving its victims mindless with an overpowering desire to consume flesh. A single bite or scratch passes the disease and quickly converts the living, thinking individual into a slobbering terror with no thought but how good you'd taste!
Well written, so wonderfully articulated action scenes, the storyline so perfectly curved and twisted, the characters blended together, this is a great read! I'm sure it will continue seamlessly in the next volume. We'll see!
To be alone in a world-ending catastrophe, a true apocalypse, with zombies of all things! The crew of the Coast Guard cutter Sassafrass had dwindled from 39 to 8. The ship's new Ensign was now the Captain and had 7 crew to run the cutter. But they rid themselves of infected crew and cleaned the decks and compartments of gore. They've had contact with one other person in the remains of Coast Guard headquarters, still manning the radio room. Surely there are more somewhere, hiding from danger somewhere in the millions of square miles of the Pacific Ocean. Their job now to help where help is needed and to be "always ready".
The characters are developed, each as well-known as a brother, sister, cousin or crazy uncle! With their own personalities and foibles, the characters are each defined with their wants and needs laid bare to our ready eyes. The storyline is clear: the world is overtaken by a terrible illness leaving its victims mindless with an overpowering desire to consume flesh. A single bite or scratch passes the disease and quickly converts the living, thinking individual into a slobbering terror with no thought but how good you'd taste!
Well written, so wonderfully articulated action scenes, the storyline so perfectly curved and twisted, the characters blended together, this is a great read! I'm sure it will continue seamlessly in the next volume. We'll see!
October 12, 2022
Too much unnecessary military jargon. And that’s coming from an 11 year veteran!
Plus the backstory on every new person, or event seemed unnecessary. It’s OK to hit on it here and there, but to take up a whole chapter with unnecessary “fluff“ made the book drawn out !
Then, when the author would describe an infected person, it was always he/it. It’s said 6-8 times in a single paragraph to describe an affected. Instead of saying Seaman Johnson, or he, or the zombie, it was always he/it took a step, and then he/it jumped on the table and then he/it ……….. Sigh. Too repetitive.
And don’t get me started on the sexual tension between Molly and Jonsey! It’s like the they were teenagers in high school and not commission officers in the Military! This book ended up being just OK for me. I know it was a “military” book, but I feel the author relied too heavily on that fact. If he wants to appeal to a broader audience, he should cut down on so much military jargon. And again, this is coming from a seasoned veteran.
Plus the backstory on every new person, or event seemed unnecessary. It’s OK to hit on it here and there, but to take up a whole chapter with unnecessary “fluff“ made the book drawn out !
Then, when the author would describe an infected person, it was always he/it. It’s said 6-8 times in a single paragraph to describe an affected. Instead of saying Seaman Johnson, or he, or the zombie, it was always he/it took a step, and then he/it jumped on the table and then he/it ……….. Sigh. Too repetitive.
And don’t get me started on the sexual tension between Molly and Jonsey! It’s like the they were teenagers in high school and not commission officers in the Military! This book ended up being just OK for me. I know it was a “military” book, but I feel the author relied too heavily on that fact. If he wants to appeal to a broader audience, he should cut down on so much military jargon. And again, this is coming from a seasoned veteran.
April 8, 2018
Incredibly hard to read
The basic plot of this book is fun. The problem comes with everything after. There is an incredible amount of military jargon - to the point where the plot is lost. There are to many characters who don't have any distinguishing features. I'm still unclear on how many groups of people there are. I thought it was two military types boats and a pirate ship. Not it might be too boats, a land base, and the pirates. I have no idea. The author would give people nicknames and then go back to full band so often I had no idea who was who. The lack of clarity made it hard to read.
The basic plot of this book is fun. The problem comes with everything after. There is an incredible amount of military jargon - to the point where the plot is lost. There are to many characters who don't have any distinguishing features. I'm still unclear on how many groups of people there are. I thought it was two military types boats and a pirate ship. Not it might be too boats, a land base, and the pirates. I have no idea. The author would give people nicknames and then go back to full band so often I had no idea who was who. The lack of clarity made it hard to read.
August 1, 2019
I really enjoyed this book. It painted such a clear picture I liked people that ended up dead. Obviously this happens in a zombie story but some people don't care if they are going to kill them off. There were parts I did not see coming. I may have gasped at one point and said wtf loud enough people in the other room heard it. I stayed up all night reading this book as I just wanted to know more. There were parts I didn't really understand as I don't have any military experience and my family doesn't either so some of the letters and titles were kinda gibberish but that is what Google is for. I had to look a few things up. It didn't spoil my enjoyment of the story though.
July 16, 2021
It was really hard to stay with this book. The story would lose me quite often because every time someone speaks, they flash to some event in their life seemingly related to whatever the current event was. It got old fast and I really struggled to finish this. I don't have high hopes for the next installment in this series, but I will certainly give it a try, as this author's knowledge of that which he writes of is superb. Other than the never-ending flashbacks to related events which get extremely annoying due to the fact that every character does it every time they have a few lines to express, this was a good read.
July 24, 2019
Tropical Apocalypse
So many apocalyptic scenarios take place in the South or east coast or Midwest. It's nice to see it take place in Hawaii. Not only that but it's the Coast Guard, NOT the Army or Marines. Kinda cool. I'm liking where the story is heading. I don't like how each chapter jumps around...took me a while to figure out there are several points of view and I thought two of them were on a ship when one was in shore instead. Still recommend this book.
So many apocalyptic scenarios take place in the South or east coast or Midwest. It's nice to see it take place in Hawaii. Not only that but it's the Coast Guard, NOT the Army or Marines. Kinda cool. I'm liking where the story is heading. I don't like how each chapter jumps around...took me a while to figure out there are several points of view and I thought two of them were on a ship when one was in shore instead. Still recommend this book.
September 19, 2020
An entertaining read with a good concept, I really enjoyed most of the characters, a couple I 'loved to hate'! Molly and Jonesy were a blast, but Uncle John was way too soft on his kids, they needed a reality check. I was totaly absorbed, and so disapointed when I'd finished I can't wait for book 2, and another chance to enjoy Matthew Crow's toe curling voice. I received this book in exchange for my honest review.
July 25, 2021
A fairly good read
An interesting read, good characters, plot is decent and I’d like to see where this book is going, what I don’t like is the obvious political overtones the author seems to dislike the 2nd amendment, republicans and religious people . Now I know it’s a work of fiction but you can feel this is the authors view and I find it both demeaning and small minded, hopefully the second book will change my mind.
An interesting read, good characters, plot is decent and I’d like to see where this book is going, what I don’t like is the obvious political overtones the author seems to dislike the 2nd amendment, republicans and religious people . Now I know it’s a work of fiction but you can feel this is the authors view and I find it both demeaning and small minded, hopefully the second book will change my mind.
November 9, 2023
Started out good…
It started out good and had an interesting premise to explore. However, once the zombie killing began, it quickly devolved into a pubescent male fantasy fest. Female characters are portrayed in exactly the manner you would expect a young hormone fueled male to think they would act. it’s cringey at times. Also, for a sailor who spent time in the Coast Guard, the author has a very limited knowledge of nautical terms and affairs…
It started out good and had an interesting premise to explore. However, once the zombie killing began, it quickly devolved into a pubescent male fantasy fest. Female characters are portrayed in exactly the manner you would expect a young hormone fueled male to think they would act. it’s cringey at times. Also, for a sailor who spent time in the Coast Guard, the author has a very limited knowledge of nautical terms and affairs…
April 19, 2018
Wow. Zombies and Coasties!
What could anyone ask for that wasn't in this novel? Real life, realistic dialogue, well written and the possible end of life as we know it. And who is out there protecting the homeland and the world - the Coast Guard - as always. Zombies? Check. Action? Check? Give this book a read, it's worth your time.
What could anyone ask for that wasn't in this novel? Real life, realistic dialogue, well written and the possible end of life as we know it. And who is out there protecting the homeland and the world - the Coast Guard - as always. Zombies? Check. Action? Check? Give this book a read, it's worth your time.
November 12, 2019
Loved it
Really got sucked into the book I like a good zombie apocalypse book but reading it from being on a ship was different and I really liked it might be a little bit partial to the Coast Guard my son is DC and is also the one who told me about the book and I might have posted your title on Facebook to a group of women who are also partial to the Coast
Really got sucked into the book I like a good zombie apocalypse book but reading it from being on a ship was different and I really liked it might be a little bit partial to the Coast Guard my son is DC and is also the one who told me about the book and I might have posted your title on Facebook to a group of women who are also partial to the Coast
November 17, 2021
Great book!
What a great start to a series! There certainly wasn’t any time wasted before the poop hit the fan!!
Great cast of characters. I already love Jonesy to death. Molly isn’t a slouch by any means either. I can’t wait to see what happens with the Sassafras and the True North.
Super beginning Jeff
What a great start to a series! There certainly wasn’t any time wasted before the poop hit the fan!!
Great cast of characters. I already love Jonesy to death. Molly isn’t a slouch by any means either. I can’t wait to see what happens with the Sassafras and the True North.
Super beginning Jeff
February 12, 2018
Interesting
I ordered this book out of boredom but ended up liking it I did not enjoy all the job specific acronyms and descriptions though. That being said, I await the next in the series.
I ordered this book out of boredom but ended up liking it I did not enjoy all the job specific acronyms and descriptions though. That being said, I await the next in the series.
November 29, 2018
Too wordy
I liked the book enough to get the next one. It was to wordy and a little to much detail on the Coast Guard. Lots of stuff I don’t care about. But I’d still recommend it to Zombie lovers
I liked the book enough to get the next one. It was to wordy and a little to much detail on the Coast Guard. Lots of stuff I don’t care about. But I’d still recommend it to Zombie lovers
December 17, 2019
Guradians
What a really well written book! The only problem was there were a lot of characters to sort out in a lot of different places. They are well rounded characters and believable. Really looking forward to the next one.
What a really well written book! The only problem was there were a lot of characters to sort out in a lot of different places. They are well rounded characters and believable. Really looking forward to the next one.
February 23, 2020
Good
I really enjoyed this book, my one big complaint and pet peeve would have to be the short chapters and then added to that the lot of jumping around from one action sew to another. It became rather distracting.
I really enjoyed this book, my one big complaint and pet peeve would have to be the short chapters and then added to that the lot of jumping around from one action sew to another. It became rather distracting.
March 26, 2018
Good stuff
Great characters and the Coast Guard rules! Plot is different from other zombie/military books out there. Fast paced - good book
Great characters and the Coast Guard rules! Plot is different from other zombie/military books out there. Fast paced - good book
March 26, 2018
Great time
I enjoyed this book a lot, it's well worth the time. Looking forward to the next book. Keep them coming.
I enjoyed this book a lot, it's well worth the time. Looking forward to the next book. Keep them coming.
March 3, 2019
The way it is
This a good read using the feelings, thoughts and language of a Coastie. To bad he couldn't leave his politics out of it.
This a good read using the feelings, thoughts and language of a Coastie. To bad he couldn't leave his politics out of it.
March 14, 2019
Semper Paratus
may not have understood ALL of the military speak, but i loved the camaraderie and fellowship of all of the characters. The writing and story- excellent!
may not have understood ALL of the military speak, but i loved the camaraderie and fellowship of all of the characters. The writing and story- excellent!
June 27, 2021
An incredibly fresh spin on the Zom Poc. Thomson is a great writer with a twisted wit and insight into the Coast Guard that I found refreshing. I cannot wait to see where the author is taking us.
July 9, 2021
Fast paced, well written, interesting characters.
July 23, 2022
I really enjoyed this book and looking forward to reading the rest of the seires
February 4, 2023
Good book
Imagine being trapped aboard a ship with people who are about to turn zombie. You can't run away. These characters were amazing.
Imagine being trapped aboard a ship with people who are about to turn zombie. You can't run away. These characters were amazing.
April 2, 2018
Title:
You’re Never Ready for a Zombie Apocalypse
Guardians of the Apocalypse Book One:
Author: Jeff Thomson
➡ how I felt about this book. Likes & dislikes and character's⬇
I did enjoyed reading this book. Even with all the military talk that flies over my head. It had zombie action and pirate's all that. It didn't have any type main character. It was bouncing different people in the same crew or other group's. It wasn't overpowering or overwhelming from switching from different character's. It was perfectly done.
I liked Jonesy and molly. And Gary & duke so far they make a get team. Also like John and Gus from true north.
It needed little more editing done here and there.
⬇Goodreads & Amazon 5 star rating ⬇
(⭐) horrible
(⭐⭐) bad
(⭐⭐⭐) okay
(⭐⭐⭐⭐) good ✔
(⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐) great
~{ 1-10 Rating system }~
Quality of the writing. [⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐]
Reading pace. [⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐]
Plot development. [⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐]
Character development. [⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐]
Enjoyable. [⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐]
Book cover. [⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐]
Editing. [⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐]
➡Would you recommended this book to other's? ➡ yes
➡Would you read more book's by this Author? ➡ yes
You’re Never Ready for a Zombie Apocalypse
Guardians of the Apocalypse Book One:
Author: Jeff Thomson
➡ how I felt about this book. Likes & dislikes and character's⬇
I did enjoyed reading this book. Even with all the military talk that flies over my head. It had zombie action and pirate's all that. It didn't have any type main character. It was bouncing different people in the same crew or other group's. It wasn't overpowering or overwhelming from switching from different character's. It was perfectly done.
I liked Jonesy and molly. And Gary & duke so far they make a get team. Also like John and Gus from true north.
It needed little more editing done here and there.
⬇Goodreads & Amazon 5 star rating ⬇
(⭐) horrible
(⭐⭐) bad
(⭐⭐⭐) okay
(⭐⭐⭐⭐) good ✔
(⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐) great
~{ 1-10 Rating system }~
Quality of the writing. [⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐]
Reading pace. [⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐]
Plot development. [⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐]
Character development. [⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐]
Enjoyable. [⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐]
Book cover. [⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐]
Editing. [⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐]
➡Would you recommended this book to other's? ➡ yes
➡Would you read more book's by this Author? ➡ yes
March 7, 2023
You're Never Ready for a Zombie Apocalypse (Guardians of the Apocalypse Book 1)
This book is fairly long. It's interesting and enjoyable. There are places where it is fast paced and others where it drags. There is some language. There are also several editing errors. I would recommend it and am headed to book 2 now. ;-)
This book is fairly long. It's interesting and enjoyable. There are places where it is fast paced and others where it drags. There is some language. There are also several editing errors. I would recommend it and am headed to book 2 now. ;-)
December 18, 2019
Great military zombie book
Great characters and storyline . Well written book. The o my problem being the Coastie rank and acronyms (I was Marine Corps) , but hey, that's what Google is for. I would recommend this book all day.
Great characters and storyline . Well written book. The o my problem being the Coastie rank and acronyms (I was Marine Corps) , but hey, that's what Google is for. I would recommend this book all day.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 30 reviews