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The new Jewish wedding
The Definitive, Completely Up-to-Date Guide to Planning a Jewish Wedding
Since its original publication in 1986, The New Jewish Wedding has become required reading, assigned to engaged couples by Conservative, Reform, and Reconstruc-tionist rabbis alike. In this new revision, Anita Diamant, one of the most respected writers of guides to Jewish life, continues to offer step-by-step guidance to planning the ceremony and the party that follows — from hiring a rabbi and wording the invitation to organizing a processional and hiring a caterer. She also includes:
Complete, authoritative, and indispensable, The New Jewish Wedding is a must-have resource for anyone who wants a wedding that combines spiritual meaning and joyous celebration.
268 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 1985
123 people are currently reading
342 people want to read
About the author
Anita Diamant
31 books4,820 followersAnita Diamant is the author of thirteen books -- including THE RED TENT. Based on the biblical story of Dinah, THE RED TENT became a word-of-mouth bestseller in the US and around the world, where it has been published in more than 25 countries.
Her new book, a work of nonfiction. PERIOD. END OF SENTENCE. A NEW CHAPTER IN THE FIGHT FOR MENSTRUAL JUSTICE will be published in May 2021., As different as they are, this book returns to some of the themes of THE RED TENT -- including the meaning and experience of menstruation.
Anita has written four other novels: GOOD HARBOR, THE LAST DAYS OF DOGTOWN, DAY AFTER NIGHT, and THE BOSTON GIRL. She is also the author of six non-fiction guides to contemporary Jewish life, which have become classic reference books: THE JEWISH WEDDING NOW, THE JEWISH BABY BOOK, LIVING A JEWISH LIFE, CHOOSING A JEWISH LIFE, HOW TO RAISE A JEWISH CHILD, and SAYING KADDISH..
An award-winning journalist, Diamant's articles have appeared in the Boston Globe, Real Simple, Parenting Magazine, Hadassah, Boston Magazine and Yankee Magazine. PITCHING MY TENT, a collection personal essays, is drawn from twenty years worth of newspaper and magazine columns.
Her new book, a work of nonfiction. PERIOD. END OF SENTENCE. A NEW CHAPTER IN THE FIGHT FOR MENSTRUAL JUSTICE will be published in May 2021., As different as they are, this book returns to some of the themes of THE RED TENT -- including the meaning and experience of menstruation.
Anita has written four other novels: GOOD HARBOR, THE LAST DAYS OF DOGTOWN, DAY AFTER NIGHT, and THE BOSTON GIRL. She is also the author of six non-fiction guides to contemporary Jewish life, which have become classic reference books: THE JEWISH WEDDING NOW, THE JEWISH BABY BOOK, LIVING A JEWISH LIFE, CHOOSING A JEWISH LIFE, HOW TO RAISE A JEWISH CHILD, and SAYING KADDISH..
An award-winning journalist, Diamant's articles have appeared in the Boston Globe, Real Simple, Parenting Magazine, Hadassah, Boston Magazine and Yankee Magazine. PITCHING MY TENT, a collection personal essays, is drawn from twenty years worth of newspaper and magazine columns.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 78 reviews
December 23, 2014
This book is such a blessed haven from the profiteering, manipulative, sexist wedding-industrial complex. Weddings are deeply emotional life cycle events, not just for the couple, but for their family and friends as well. Luckily for Jews (and those lucky enough to marry one ;) Judaism does an outstanding job of celebrating life cycle events with rituals and customs that allow everyone to feel and experience and express all that needs to be felt and experienced and expressed on that day. Jewish wedding traditions are fun and joyous and create an air of simcha and celebration that is sincere and serious and not the least bit cheesy. However, there's a lot of tradition to keep track of, so you need this book. And since planning a big, emotional event can be stressful, and since no two Jews agree on anything, you need a book that calmly lays out all your options in a funny, wry, non-judgemental way. Truly, Anita Diamant doesn't give a **** where you and your partner fall on the gender spectrum, or whether you are reform, orthodox, or just a really Judiasm-interested Unitarian Universalist. She just wants you to know all the options and be able to create the most meaningful and joyous wedding possible for you and your guests. And somehow it's even a quick and entertaining read that you can pass along to friends and relatives. If they go so far as to read the book, it will familiarize them in a very friendly manner with everything that would otherwise confuse them on the big day. Mazal tov!
March 15, 2024
Keith Erekson's book from a few years ago reminded me of a few rumored wedding traditions that I had never seen in print. They aren't here in detail either. But it was still interesting, especially after reading Seven Blessings earlier last year.
January 16, 2014
I am in the middle of planning my wedding and my rabbi recommended that my fiance and I read this book. The New Jewish Wedding provided a wealth of information on wedding rituals - traditional and new. The book is very informative and offers great historical context for pre-wedding, wedding day and post-wedding rituals, as well as practical information on implementation. I recommend reading this book so that you feel prepared for your wedding, and also know the meaning behind all of your actions and intentions with this commitment. The writing is simple, clean and beautiful.
December 29, 2017
This book was incredibly helpful to my (now) wife and I as we got ready for our wedding. We'd read a few pages together each night (or try to), and beyond some specific suggestions in the book for ceremonial stuff, the best thing in the book was the mindset to treat every second from the moment you decide to get married to when your party finishes as your wedding itself. So every fight over napkins or invitations or whatever is a fight you are having literally *during your wedding.* We found that as well as just the process of reading the book and talking about it together really helpful in creating a meaningful, peaceful wedding and planning process.
November 14, 2015
This is an excellent book for people who are looking to learn more about the traditions and customs of Judaism and its various wedding traditions. It was quite accessible and does a great job explaining the history and meaning of the very many parts of this ancient tradition. It also offers modern interpretations and changes that have been made to these customs. Perfect for the uninitiated and members of the tribe equally.
January 13, 2020
My rabbi recommended this book to me as preparation for my upcoming Jewish wedding. This book is a great overview of a modern, liberal, reform Jewish wedding. I have a deeper understanding of our customs as well as ways I can make them my own. Helpful, practical, well written - I recommend this book to the specific audience of anyone planning a Jewish wedding.
January 22, 2021
It feels weird to give this a rating - weird enough that it constitutes I think my second review ever on this site. (It will not live up to the infamy of the first, I'm afraid.)
The rating warrants some context - if you're Jewish and getting married then this is a solid reference to decide what you do and do not want to include in your own wedding. But it's not exactly a page turner. Or likely relevant to many/any of the people who follow my reviews after reading the one I wrote for The Big Fat Surprise, which has absolutely nothing to do with this book in the slightest.
If however you stumbled upon this because you were specifically looking up reviews for this book...it's solid. Like a more compelling version of a Jewish wedding encyclopedia. It's very much, what you see is what you get. Skip the parts that aren't relevant to you, take what is. For someone who was raised Jewish but doesn't necessarily know all of the wedding traditions - or knows them but never knew the symbolism behind them - it was nice to be able to choose which elements I want to incorporate to create a meaningful ceremony with intention.
The rating warrants some context - if you're Jewish and getting married then this is a solid reference to decide what you do and do not want to include in your own wedding. But it's not exactly a page turner. Or likely relevant to many/any of the people who follow my reviews after reading the one I wrote for The Big Fat Surprise, which has absolutely nothing to do with this book in the slightest.
If however you stumbled upon this because you were specifically looking up reviews for this book...it's solid. Like a more compelling version of a Jewish wedding encyclopedia. It's very much, what you see is what you get. Skip the parts that aren't relevant to you, take what is. For someone who was raised Jewish but doesn't necessarily know all of the wedding traditions - or knows them but never knew the symbolism behind them - it was nice to be able to choose which elements I want to incorporate to create a meaningful ceremony with intention.
September 6, 2021
A useful reference, but not a groundbreaking read. I appreciate the emphasis on pluralism as it relates to diverse Jewish practices. Most of the supplemental readings/translations/examples didn't much appeal to me, but one concept that seems very useful is tenaim.
August 6, 2017
Very good, brief history of many Jewish wedding traditions. Super quick read.
September 11, 2018
Helped me greatly as a cantotial soloist
June 22, 2021
A good book to skim. I learned a lot, but not all was applicable to our wedding.
February 28, 2024
Very informative. I recommend reading with your parter.
November 20, 2024
so helpful in planning our ceremony! hand washing ritual will be forever special.
August 10, 2025
Learned a lot of cool shit about weddings. Also learned that I actually don’t want to have one!
August 15, 2013
This book was pretty good. It certainly accomplished what the rabbi who assigned it to us wanted it to, which was to educate me about Jewish weddings. It also provided a useful starting point for thinking about what we do and don't want in our ceremony, and what Jewish traditions I'm comfortable with as a non-religious non-Jew and my partner is comfortable with as a non-religious Jew. It also gave me some insight into what expectations his family might have for our ceremony.
My main critique is that it could have been better organized - the sections seem straightforward, but which material is included in which one actually isn't. For example, is the stuff about the ketubah in the preparations section, the pre-ceremony section or the ceremony section? This limits its usefulness as a come-back-to-it-later reference, so be prepared to bookmark and annotate. It could also use a bit of an update: the advice to surf the web for various vendors and items, which was savvy and novel in the Y2K era, is pretty cute and obvious nowadays.
It's inclusive of different traditions, levels of Jewish identity, politics, and types of partnerships, which is obviously one of its strengths. For example, there are a bunch of different translations of the seven blessings that have varying levels of G-d/reproduction in them, different ketubah texts, suggestions for same-sex ceremonies, etc. But the inclusiveness also leads to some amusement at the parts that are miles away from what we plan for our wedding to be - my favorite is the suggestion that you ask your wedding guests to entertain you with variety-show acts like juggling, because the bride and groom are the king and queen of the wedding and are there to be entertained. I applaud Diamant for really covering all the bases in interpretations of Jewish wedding tradition, while also laughing a bit.
One caveat to the inclusiveness is that the traditions it discusses are heavily Ashkenazi, which Diamant acknowledges. This is a little disappointing, because all the members of the Sephardic branch of my partner's family have passed on, so those traditions are ones we'd like to include, but have less information on overall. However, the skew makes sense given the demography of American Jewry, and I'm sure we can seek out other resources on Sephardic traditions.
My main critique is that it could have been better organized - the sections seem straightforward, but which material is included in which one actually isn't. For example, is the stuff about the ketubah in the preparations section, the pre-ceremony section or the ceremony section? This limits its usefulness as a come-back-to-it-later reference, so be prepared to bookmark and annotate. It could also use a bit of an update: the advice to surf the web for various vendors and items, which was savvy and novel in the Y2K era, is pretty cute and obvious nowadays.
It's inclusive of different traditions, levels of Jewish identity, politics, and types of partnerships, which is obviously one of its strengths. For example, there are a bunch of different translations of the seven blessings that have varying levels of G-d/reproduction in them, different ketubah texts, suggestions for same-sex ceremonies, etc. But the inclusiveness also leads to some amusement at the parts that are miles away from what we plan for our wedding to be - my favorite is the suggestion that you ask your wedding guests to entertain you with variety-show acts like juggling, because the bride and groom are the king and queen of the wedding and are there to be entertained. I applaud Diamant for really covering all the bases in interpretations of Jewish wedding tradition, while also laughing a bit.
One caveat to the inclusiveness is that the traditions it discusses are heavily Ashkenazi, which Diamant acknowledges. This is a little disappointing, because all the members of the Sephardic branch of my partner's family have passed on, so those traditions are ones we'd like to include, but have less information on overall. However, the skew makes sense given the demography of American Jewry, and I'm sure we can seek out other resources on Sephardic traditions.
August 21, 2015
This book provides an excellent overview of Jewish wedding customs and traditions. As my fiancé and I are trying to navigate through wedding planning, "The New Jewish Wedding" has really helped me think about what Jewish wedding traditions and prayers I want to include. Diamant does a great job explaining the history of all the different customs, how they have evolved, and what Orthodox, Conservative, and Reform ceremonies look like today. She is careful to be sensitive to all traditions, while emphasizing how many of the traditions have transformed to become more egalitarian.
Diamant writes in a very friendly and engaging style. I think the book could have been a little better organized - some sections, like the breaking of the glass, should really be earlier in the book. She also probably needs to do another revised edition, now that gay marriage is legal and so much more wedding planning is done online - but those are quibbles in an otherwise fine and helpful book. Highly recommended for anyone getting married or participating in a Jewish wedding!
Diamant writes in a very friendly and engaging style. I think the book could have been a little better organized - some sections, like the breaking of the glass, should really be earlier in the book. She also probably needs to do another revised edition, now that gay marriage is legal and so much more wedding planning is done online - but those are quibbles in an otherwise fine and helpful book. Highly recommended for anyone getting married or participating in a Jewish wedding!
January 8, 2010
I was lucky enough to have a friend lend me her copy of this book when I got engaged a few months back. She told me that it was super helpful for her when she was planning her wedding, and it might help me too. I've flipped through it a few times, and it's already been really useful in answering questions I have about planning my wedding. It is inclusive, not focusing on one way of doing things (for example, it talks about Orthodox, Conservative, and Reform customs and traditions), which I really appreciated. I also really like the explanations of certain things (like the chuppah, breaking of the glass, etc.) - I plan to use this as a resource for quick descriptions of different components of the wedding when I have to make programs for it, and also to refer family/friends to if they have any questions as we get planning. Overall, definitely a must for anyone planning a Jewish wedding!
November 27, 2010
This was recommended to me by my sister and her wife, and gave me a lot of information that I really needed to understand the format of a Jewish wedding, and what parts could be changed and made to fit me and my intended.
The thing that was most interesting to me was how much is tradition, and how little is absolutely required. I felt much more relaxed about getting non-traditional phrasing on our ketubah, better understood the tradition of the bride circling the groom (and what some modern couples do as an alternative), etc.
I recommend this book to anybody of Jewish background who is getting married -- even if they don't intend to have a "Jewish Wedding". The book is informative and friendly, and isn't trying to make everybody toe the same line.
The thing that was most interesting to me was how much is tradition, and how little is absolutely required. I felt much more relaxed about getting non-traditional phrasing on our ketubah, better understood the tradition of the bride circling the groom (and what some modern couples do as an alternative), etc.
I recommend this book to anybody of Jewish background who is getting married -- even if they don't intend to have a "Jewish Wedding". The book is informative and friendly, and isn't trying to make everybody toe the same line.
May 6, 2009
A good introduction to Jewish wedding traditions. My parents had a Jewish wedding, but my mom didn't/couldn't explain to me the traditions and the meanings behind them. And I hadn't been to any, either. I wanted to incorporate some Jewish elements while making them meaningful to both of us. This was my primary source for the Jewish parts of our weddings. We had a chuppah, an unveiling, I fasted before the ceremony, we used some elements of Jewish liturgy and we had some quiet time together after the ceremony instead of having a receiving line. It was wonderful and personal, and this book helped me a lot with knowing what we wanted and making sure we were doing it "right".
July 23, 2013
I found solace in Diamant’s comprehensive Jewish wedding book. It contains chapters on every aspect of a Jewish wedding, including everything from how to choose a rabbi and a Ketubah (marriage contract), to descriptions of Jewish songs, dances, and food for the reception.
Most importantly, however, Diamant gives a brief history of different traditions that let me put them in perspective, making it clear how little was necessary to make a marriage legally binding in Jewish law and helping me choose what elements I want to include.
Full context on my Jewish librarian blog, http://saranit.wordpress.com/2013/07/...
Most importantly, however, Diamant gives a brief history of different traditions that let me put them in perspective, making it clear how little was necessary to make a marriage legally binding in Jewish law and helping me choose what elements I want to include.
Full context on my Jewish librarian blog, http://saranit.wordpress.com/2013/07/...
December 1, 2013
Smaller than it looks.
There are some interesting notes here on certain traditions and some things that are not very interesting.
The book would have been a lot, a lot, a lot better if it went in chronological order. The best chronological order would have been in the order that a couple needs to prepare. The second best would have been to really follow the life of the ceremony. Even though the book purports to do the latter, it really jumps around a lot.
Better still would have been some sort of form or flowchart in the book, laying out the options menu-style.
But this is a useful tool, cataloging those choices and at-least-then-current traditions.
There are some interesting notes here on certain traditions and some things that are not very interesting.
The book would have been a lot, a lot, a lot better if it went in chronological order. The best chronological order would have been in the order that a couple needs to prepare. The second best would have been to really follow the life of the ceremony. Even though the book purports to do the latter, it really jumps around a lot.
Better still would have been some sort of form or flowchart in the book, laying out the options menu-style.
But this is a useful tool, cataloging those choices and at-least-then-current traditions.
October 1, 2014
This book opens with Jewish cultural and historical context for weddings that's surprisingly engaging and interesting. Unfortunately, as that opening section asserts, there are few prescriptions for Jewish weddings, and the remainder of the book contains examples and accounts of weddings that vary on diverse axes, presumably to reassure nervous brides/grooms-to-be that their notions of a dream wedding aren't too outré to fit into a Jewish ceremony. This section is dramatically less interesting for readers who don't fit that description.
July 24, 2015
Carmel and I read this as a book club of sorts, to probe what matters to us, what specific things signify the 'magic' of a wedding ceremony, what kinds of things we want to include that will be inclusive for our families, etc. A very accessible text, written in the 80s, which made for a number of entertaining quaint references (e.g., taco chips)—the book invites the reader into a discussion. It is not a manual, though you could walk away with a clearer sense of an outline of what you want. Certainly recommend reading this or any 'wedding book' with your partner.
January 20, 2008
Both an ethnography and a how-to on creating new peri-nuptial rituals and reclaiming and adapting both ancient and modern ones. Thoughtful commentaries on meaning, meaning-making and social dynamics important to a contemporary couple (feminist issues, individual vis-à-vis the community, familial obligations). I found it to be a fun read, to boot. Recommended for those who are planning nuptial-related rituals, anyone open to incorporating poly-cultural rituals --and those who are just 'curious'.
March 23, 2008
I recieved several copies of this book when friends and family heard I'd gotten engaged. Having been to few Jewish weddings, I knew little about what traditions were required, optional, etc...reading this book gave me a good understanding of how to plan our wedding ceremony and gave me lots of questions to take to our Rabbi and to my future in-laws. I recommend this book to anyone who is having a Jewish wedding!
October 4, 2008
Lots of good advice and suggestions for holding a Jewish wedding. I like that she suggested lots of alternate customs, and that she reminds us that it is OK not to incorporate every tradition. However, I did have to remind myself that just because all the anecdotes in her book are about extremely creative and heartfelt ceremonies and rituals designed by the bride and groom, doesn't mean that I have to create my own even more heartfelt and creative ritual.
August 12, 2014
A lovely introduction to Jewish wedding traditions. I appreciate the new chapter on same-sex, interfaith, and other less traditional partnerships. However, almost none of the following chapters integrate those thoughts; they are largely separate from the main substance of the text. I got some excellent ideas from this book, but I'm going to need other materials to explore concrete possibilities for my upcoming same-sex Jewish-ish wedding.
November 23, 2007
Supremely useful if you happen to be planning a Jewish wedding. Diamant is full of information and not remotely judgmental, advocating a kind of pluralistic Judaism in which many options are available (though not everything goes -- she made it pretty clear that having shrimp is disrespectful to the rabbi.)
November 29, 2010
I think this book had great potential, but as an observant and knowledgeable Jew marrying an observant and even more knowledgeable Jew -- I was not really the intended market. For people who have less knowledge or more questions about Jewish wedding traditions and rituals, this book could prove to be a very valuable resource.
February 4, 2015
Well, I'm getting married, so I read this. I'd recommend it to anyone who is reform or conservative Jewish and having a wedding or embarking on a marriage that has anything at all Jewish to it. Sort of a guidebook. Written in a clean, unpretentious way with lots of great backup from Jewish writings, the Torah, etc. Got me kind of emotional about what's to come, at certain points, to be honest.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 78 reviews