Catholic Etiquette: What You Need to Know About Catholic Rites and Wrongs

by Kay Lynn Isca

Are there really such things as "Catholic" manners? The answer is a resounding "Yes!" A distinctive etiquette code specific to Catholicism does exist - a code that is not always well-known or completely observed. With the refreshingly unbiased view of a convert, author Kay Lynn Isca has created a modern manual of Catholic "rites and wrongs" that helps all of us decipher and explore that code. Catholic Etiquette, the first modern guide to appropriate behavior in Catholic situations, covers many aspects of daily and seasonal Catholic life, including topics such What should you expect at a Catholic funeral Mass? When is the best time to arrange for a Baptism? Who is allowed to take Communion at Mass? Where should families with young children sit in church? No matter whether you are a lifelong Catholic, a convert, or a non-Catholic involved with Catholic friends or family, Catholic Etiquette provides a practical guide to help you mind your manners in any Catholic situation. "Catholics sometimes forget how 'different' they are until they are reminded by puzzled non-Catholics. The author celebrates the differences she discovered upon entering the Catholic Church, and has produced a guidebook for the puzzled (including many Catholics, no doubt) that is simple, informed, and delightfully engaging." - The Rev. Richard John Neuhaus , editor-in-chief, First Things   Table of Preface Introduction A Special Note to Readers Who Are Not Catholic Mass Fundamentals The Mass Liturgy Children at Mass Baptism First Communion Confirmation Reconciliation Anointing of the Sick Holy Orders Marriage Funerals Daily and Seasonal Catholic Living Index

Genres: Christianity, Spirituality, Catholic, Religion

191 pages, Hardcover

First published January 1, 1997

Reviews

[Steven H · Rating 5 out of 5]

A FORMER LUTHERAN CONVERT TO CATHOLICISM TRIES TO EXPLAIN "WHAT TO DO"

Kay Lynn Isca is also the author of books such as 'Catholic Etiquette for Funerals,' 'Catholic Etiquette for Children at Mass,' 'Catholic Etiquette for Weddings,' etc. Although raised in a Lutheran family and environment, she converted to Catholicism when she married a Catholic.

She wrote in the Preface to this 1997 book, "Writing this book has offered me an opportunity to find answers to many questions---both trivial and fundamental---that have gnawed at the edges of my conscience for years. Though I've been a 'card-carrying' member of the Catholic Church for fifteen years, I've still never felt comfortable with many of the rituals and traditions of Catholicism. I've always had the feeling that 'real' Catholics would spot me as a newcomer, or outsider." (Pg. 7) She adds, "So, through all my mistakes and confusion of the past fifteen years, I'm finally trying to figure out what contemporary Catholic etiquette really requires. Hopefully my journey will help others figure it out faster." (Pg. 9)

Of the Mass, she points out, "Non-Catholics in attendance need not kneel, either now or at any point in the service. Simply remain seated, bow your head, and offer a silent prayer, if that is your custom. At any time during the Mass, if there is a part in which you do not wish to participate, simply sit quietly until that portion of the service is over. Unless you have health problems or some serious objection, however, it would be most appropriate if you stand when the rest of the congregation stands." (Pg. 36)

She admits, "Certainly one of the most difficult and painful problems with the Catholic Church today concerns Catholics who have divorced, then remarried outside of the Church. Church law bars these couples (living in what the Church terms invalid marriages) from receiving Communion. Before these Catholics can validly partake of the Eucharist, their marital situation must be resolved to the satisfaction of the Catholic Church... The Catholic Church holds that this strict policy is the only way to maintain the sanctity of both the Eucharist and the Sacrament of Matrimony. For all practical purposes, non-Catholics are also excluded from taking Communion at a Catholic church." (Pg. 44)

She also notes, "'the Catholic Church claims jurisdiction over its members in matters pertaining to marriage.' This issue especially comes into play when one of the marriage partners is Catholic and the other is not (a so-called 'mixed marriage'). Unless the couple seeks special permission and fulfills certain conditions, the Catholic Church will not regard as valid any wedding ceremonies involving Catholics which take place before non-Catholic ministers or civil authorities. (In fact, prior to 1966, Catholics who celebrated marriage before a non-Catholic minister were considered excommunicated.)" (Pg. 136)

She states, "Another potentially troublesome issue that may need to be considered is whether or not cremation will be a factor in the funeral process. Until just recently, cremation posed particular concerns to Catholics, often complicating plans for a Catholic Funeral Mass and leaving priests and families at odds. Although the longstanding ban against cremation was lifted in 1963, ashes were still generally not permitted at Funeral Masses, because Church law required that the urn or box containing the ashes be left outside the church... 'Priests were put in the awkward position of telling the families of the deceased they had to leave the remains at the curb.' ... the United States bishops voted in June 1996 to ask the Vatican for a nationwide exception to this prohibition." (Pg. 165)

Ms. Isca's book is a very informative explanation of many "details" that "cradle Catholics" as well as non-Catholics may profit from reading.

[Dennis Phillips · Rating 4 out of 5]

Kay Lynn Isca was raised a Protestant and is well aware that some Catholic practices and customs may be confusing to new Catholics and to some cradle Catholics as well. For Protestants with close Catholic friend's things can be particularly confusing if they are called on to attend Catholic weddings, funerals, or other events that are particular to the Catholic faith. This book is intended to relieve some of the anxieties of the confused and point out what is correct and what is not.

Mrs. Isca writes in a very pleasing way and often makes her point with personal experiences. There is no doctrine or dogma here, just simple etiquette for various situations that may be faced both by Catholics and their friends and relatives. We all wonder sometimes whether a gift is appropriate in a certain situation and if so what kind of gift it should be. Most people are also faced with honorariums for weddings and funerals and have no idea how much should be given. During my former life in the funeral industry I was asked many times, "How much should we pay the preacher?" Those are among the many questions and concerns that the author deals with in this book. I found her chapter on children at Mass to be very informative and would highly recommend that any new parent take the time to read this chapter. Of course I would also recommend this chapter to anybody else who has a tendency to grouch about noisy children in Church.

I did find one thing in this book that bothered me and it involves a practice that I and most of the Catholics I know are in the habit of. Mrs. Isca says this practice is wrong and she may well be right but she never explains why it is wrong. It would have helped the author's credibility a great deal had she explained her statement at least a little. This was the only thing in this book that I didn't find to be right on the mark and also very helpful. The author even deals with the proper response for a Catholic caught in several situations that might cause hard feelings if handled incorrectly. For example, if a Catholic attends a dinner party on a Friday during Lent and finds themselves being served a plate of beef should they eat it or leave it and risk offending their non-Catholic host?

This book will be helpful to all Catholics who read it but more so for new Catholics. It will be worth it's weight in gold to someone who is planning a mixed wedding or to any non-Catholic who has a close Catholic friend or family member. I know there are going to be times that my Baptist wife may have to rely heavily on this book. There is nothing deep or theological here, just some plain common sense advice on the etiquette of the Catholic Church.

[Jordan · Rating 4 out of 5]

Easy to read book with some good tips. The book is American so things are slightly different for a UK reader (as far as I'm aware) - but not so much that you'll end up doing something completely embarrassing.

[Arthur H. Guinn]

Waisted of your life, go spend time with loved rather than read and contemplate on this rubbish

[Scott · Rating 3 out of 5]

I especially liked this book because of the way it was set up, and the fact that it was written from the perspective of a former Protestant (like myself). She has obviously done quite a bit of research, even going in-depth with the different parts of Mass and each special sacrament. Although there are more books out there that go into deeper detail, this was a quick read, and answered a lot of simple questions that I, or any other non-cradle-Catholic, might have.

[Amy Bastien]

Good source of basic etiquette for Catholics. Some areas could have been more thorough and I think regional differences may alter some of these "rules"

[Don Whitman]

I am thinking of becoming Catholic, and this book was a great introduction and reduced some of my fears of their Mass.