The Psychology of Grief

The Psychology of Everything

by Richard Gross

What is happening emotionally when we grieve for a loved one? Is there a ‘right’ way to grieve? What effect does grief have on how we see ourselves? The Psychology of Grief is a humane and intelligent account that highlights the wide range of responses we have to losing a loved one and explores how psychologists have sought to explain this experience. From Freud’s pioneering psychoanalysis to discredited ideas that we must pass through ‘stages’ of grief, the book examines the social and cultural norms that frame or limit our understanding of the grieving process, as well as looking at the language we use to describe it. Everyone, at some point in their lives, experiences bereavement and The Psychology of Grief will help readers understand both their own and others’ feelings of grief that accompany it.

Genres: Psychology, Nonfiction

128 pages, Paperback

Published March 15, 2018

Reviews

[Jericho Eames · Rating 4 out of 5]

It explored ideas of grief and what it means to grief, how to grief and the things that we use to cope with grief. It was a clear, and concise introduction to grief in a very academic manner. Although academic, it was also easy to understand. I enjoyed myself!

[Sarah · Rating 4 out of 5]

Primer to the topic of grief covered from psychology and social science frameworks. Basic theoretical frameworks are presented and explained well but leave readers wanting, especially for practitioners who are seeking more tips about interventions for clients.

[Brian Cham · Rating 3 out of 5]

The Psychology of Grief is a overview of grief and loss from the point of view of the psychological sciences. While the book is comprehensive in its coverage of psychological theories and frameworks, it describes each one in only a cursory manner and avoids giving any practical advice for mourners or anyone helping a mourner.

Here's what I took away:
- We grieve the loss of a person insofar as we have attached to them, so we are grieving the loss of something in ourselves. Thus, there is a huge overlap with attachment theory and the first behaviour of the bereaved is to literally search for the lost one like a child searches for its lost mother. One's attachment style influences how we grieve - avoidant people will care less while anxiously attached people will care too much (oversimplification but you get the idea).
- Grief has two types, intuitive (feelings) and instrumental (the lost person's functions). Grief work consists of coming to terms with the loss on several levels: 1) how did it happen? (especially when the death was unexpected), 2) how to replace the person's role in our lives (e.g. family role, functional role, emotional role, source of comfort and advice, etc.) and 3) how to make personal meaning out of the loss (e.g. it can either shatter or strengthen spiritual beliefs depending on how we frame our recovery).
- Tonkin's circles are a beautiful exercise that demonstrate how grief really affects us. We draw a big circle representing our whole life and then draw another shaded circle to show how much the grief is impacting us. Over time, the grief circle will shrink but it never fades away completely. We should not expect that grief is a "journey" that has a set ending. We carry the grief with us throughout our lives, and it will resurface suddenly at times we don't expect in "hot flashes" (not the correct term, but I forgot what it was). Don't worry about this, it's normal and part of what makes us who we are along with our other trials and traumas.
- Grief is a participatory communal experience and not just individual. It is influenced heavily by the person's culture and their rites of mourning.
- Grief is far more intense for unexpected deaths, violent deaths, deaths of adult children and siblings, and suicides. These trigger a far greater variety of emotions and behaviours including anger, blame, embarrassment and more.

To be honest, the resources list at the end was probably the highlight.