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It's a Boy!: Your Son's Development from Birth to Age 18
It’s a Boy! provides expert advice on the developmental, psychological, social, emotional, and academic life of boys from infancy through the teen years. Exploring the many ways in which boys strive for masculinity and attempt to define themselves, psychologist Michael Thompson, Ph.D., a leading international expert on boys’ development, and journalist Teresa H. Barker identify the key developmental transitions that mark a boy’s psychological growth and emotional health, and the challenges both boys and parents face at each age.
• Baby Boys (birth to 18 months): falling in love with your son, healthy attachment, trust, and temperament
• Toddler Years (18 months to 3 years): boys on the go, bold steps, blankies, budding language, and rambunctious physicality
• Powerful Little Boys (ages 3 and 4): superhero ambitions, learning to manage the force of his anger, and celebrating the power of the boy group
• Starting School (ages 5 through 7): developmental cues for school readiness, transitional challenges, tough talk, tender hearts, and first friends
• Boys on a Mission (ages 8 through 10): striving for mastery in sports, organizing the boy brain for school success, and glaring academic gender gaps
• The Preteen (ages 11 through 13): puberty, posturing, and popularity, the culture of cruelty, and stoic silence in the middle school years
• Early High School (ages 14 and 15): powerful peer groups, sexuality, the shift away from Mom, and yearning for Dad’s respect and attention
• On the Brink of Manhood (ages 16 through 18): the quest for independence, sex, love, driving, drinking, and other challenges of life
Practical, insightful, and engaging, It’s a Boy! is the definitive guide to raising boys in today’s world, revealing with humor, compassion, and joy all the infinite varieties of boys and the profound ways in which we love them.
• Baby Boys (birth to 18 months): falling in love with your son, healthy attachment, trust, and temperament
• Toddler Years (18 months to 3 years): boys on the go, bold steps, blankies, budding language, and rambunctious physicality
• Powerful Little Boys (ages 3 and 4): superhero ambitions, learning to manage the force of his anger, and celebrating the power of the boy group
• Starting School (ages 5 through 7): developmental cues for school readiness, transitional challenges, tough talk, tender hearts, and first friends
• Boys on a Mission (ages 8 through 10): striving for mastery in sports, organizing the boy brain for school success, and glaring academic gender gaps
• The Preteen (ages 11 through 13): puberty, posturing, and popularity, the culture of cruelty, and stoic silence in the middle school years
• Early High School (ages 14 and 15): powerful peer groups, sexuality, the shift away from Mom, and yearning for Dad’s respect and attention
• On the Brink of Manhood (ages 16 through 18): the quest for independence, sex, love, driving, drinking, and other challenges of life
Practical, insightful, and engaging, It’s a Boy! is the definitive guide to raising boys in today’s world, revealing with humor, compassion, and joy all the infinite varieties of boys and the profound ways in which we love them.
480 pages, Paperback
First published March 25, 2007
150 people are currently reading
541 people want to read
About the author
Michael G. Thompson
11 books43 followersLibrarian Note: There is more than one author in the Goodreads database with this name.
psychologist, school consultant and international speaker on the subjects of children, schools and parenting
psychologist, school consultant and international speaker on the subjects of children, schools and parenting
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 55 reviews
June 1, 2020
I started reading this book when my eldest son was one (before my second was born); continued reading it until he was eight, then abandoned it on the bottom shelf behind Chinese workbooks and travel guides for kids. In the interim years, I had a daughter, got promoted at work and believed with hubris that I knew my boys so well that I did not need to pick it up again.
It wasn’t until 15 weeks of COVID-19 virtual learning brought us all under the same roof 24/7 that I realised how much I didn’t know about my children, particularly my boys who are now 11 and 13. Seeing their work habits and social interaction inside and outside their online classes showed me things about them that I didn’t know and a growth and development that both surprised and bewildered me. I realised that I had fallen into the trap of equating the boys’ physical maturity with emotional maturity; that they were going through complicated changes I was only engaging with on a superficial level.
I had let years of teaching at the same school that my children attend fool me into thinking that I knew what they were thinking and doing every day. I let my experience of the developmental patterns of middle and high schoolers lead me to think that I know where my boys were headed. I was wrong.
Going back to ‘It’s a Boy!’ reassured me that all is not lost; that I have not alienated my boys for good and that, most importantly, being an active and engaged mom does not stop when the kids can do their own homework and fix their own breakfasts unprompted. I love the line near the end of the book where Michael Thompson gently reminds parents of boys that further cognitive milestones occur at ages 25 and 30. I can’t tell you how profoundly grateful I am for the prompt to really focus on motherhood again at a time when I thought I would be winding it down.
It wasn’t until 15 weeks of COVID-19 virtual learning brought us all under the same roof 24/7 that I realised how much I didn’t know about my children, particularly my boys who are now 11 and 13. Seeing their work habits and social interaction inside and outside their online classes showed me things about them that I didn’t know and a growth and development that both surprised and bewildered me. I realised that I had fallen into the trap of equating the boys’ physical maturity with emotional maturity; that they were going through complicated changes I was only engaging with on a superficial level.
I had let years of teaching at the same school that my children attend fool me into thinking that I knew what they were thinking and doing every day. I let my experience of the developmental patterns of middle and high schoolers lead me to think that I know where my boys were headed. I was wrong.
Going back to ‘It’s a Boy!’ reassured me that all is not lost; that I have not alienated my boys for good and that, most importantly, being an active and engaged mom does not stop when the kids can do their own homework and fix their own breakfasts unprompted. I love the line near the end of the book where Michael Thompson gently reminds parents of boys that further cognitive milestones occur at ages 25 and 30. I can’t tell you how profoundly grateful I am for the prompt to really focus on motherhood again at a time when I thought I would be winding it down.
April 4, 2011
While I don't suggest any parent read a book and take what is discussed as the end all be all, and I don't necessarily agree with everything I have read thus far, I do think this book as some helpful and some VERY helpful insights into boys. As with any book of this type, I read, think about it, and pray to decide what fits our family and how. As a woman, with 4 sisters and one brother, and now a mom of two boys and 2 girls, I am appreciative to read, learn, and realize that my boys think and act completely like other boys. Which, of course my husband (who grew up with 5 brothers and 2 sisters) has been telling me all along.
March 4, 2012
I appreciate the inclusion of slightly more science than Raising Boys, though there's still plenty of generalizations and bizarre assumptions about a universal male experience. (Case in point: repeated references to "crossing swords," which I'm pretty sure no guy I know finds amusing and I'm certainly not allowing in my house). It also seems like a lot of the advice on parenting boys assumes you need to be told that boys have feelings, which we certainly are aware of!
Most of the advice for my son's current age, which I totally agree with, doesn't seem particularly boy-specific: encourage independent play, turn off the TV, etc. The later sections, particularly the ones on teenage boys, seem more helpful, but are so abstract right now I'll probably need to re-read them when the time comes.
Most of the advice for my son's current age, which I totally agree with, doesn't seem particularly boy-specific: encourage independent play, turn off the TV, etc. The later sections, particularly the ones on teenage boys, seem more helpful, but are so abstract right now I'll probably need to re-read them when the time comes.
March 14, 2023
I love this book. I’m from a family of all girls but have two very down and dirty, fart and wiener jokes for days, rambunctious boys. I’ve had this book for years and pick it up each time my boys hit a new age milestone. Every time my mom gut feels that they are struggling with something I don’t understand, I pick up the book, and I swear the first pages in their age range speak to it directly. Certainly it can’t generally apply to every single boy, but if there were ever a user manual for my boys, so far, this is it. If only it went past age 18 so I could figure out my husband… :)
September 3, 2020
I love Dr. Thompson’s work, and this book has been something I’ve been reading for years as our son develops. I just finished the final chapter, and I think I’ve got this! This book worked for me as a white mother to a white son, living with both of his middle-class parents. Another edition should include more diverse boys’ experiences (reason for 4 vs 5 stars).
May 17, 2023
Naturally, Seems to Ring True - As most of the off-springs in our extended family have been female, I sought out a title that might helpful in shedding light on the male children. This book seemed preferable given its secular and mainly descriptive perspective. While I had hoped for a little more in the way of prescriptions, it turns out that that better appreciating the journey may be the best guidance. Much seemed to ring true for me as a guy looking back over my own experience and with family members.
More specifically, the book’s contents include an Introduction “Boys Really Are Different” and 9 Chapters: (1) Imagining a Boy, (2) An Essential Love Affair: Your Baby Boy Birth to Eighteen Months, (3) Boys in Motion: Eighteen Months to Three Years, (4) Wild Thing, Powerful Little Boys: The Three and Four Year Old Boy, (5) Ready or Not Here Comes School: Your Son Five to Seven, (6) Boys on a Mission: Your Son From Eight to Ten, (7) Startling Changes: A Time of Extraordinary Physical Change, Ages Eleven to Thirteen, (8) Mystery Boy: What is He Thinking? Ages Fourteen and Fifteen, (9) On his Own: Ages Sixteen to Eighteen. There is also an Epilog – Leaving Home, Acknowledgements, Notes, Bibliography, and Index.
Aspects that stood out for me were the introductory materials and sections that highlighted the characteristics of the various age periods. I liked Thompson and Barkers advice to read chapters regarding ages of individuals with whom one is concerned, and then read other parts to look back and forward for further explanation. Within each of those chapters there is a section called “The Eight Lines of Development” which distill the numerous anecdotes and cases to summarize how “The Development Story Advances,” including “Physical Development,” “Attachment,” “Social Development,” “Cognitive Development,” “Academic Development,” “Emotional Self-Regulation,” “Moral and Spiritual Development,” and “Identity.”
For instance, Chapter 5 treats those ages 5-7, explaining (on p. 150-155 ) how they “ . . . excel at physical activities that involve power and force . . . engage in athletics . . . become more independent . . . cooperate and compete . . . boast and show off . . . grow out of magical thinking . . . become more logical and concrete . . . tackle reading and come to grips with numbers . . . gain emotional control . . . have concerns about fairness . . . and form gender and other identifications.” There are a wide range of individual differences and developmental cues related to school readiness and transitional challenges including those related to language and making initial friendships. The authors advise that parents and other close adults let boys deal with aggression, not rush to judgement and allow solitary time for play and maturation.
In contrast, Chapter 6 that deals with those ages 8-10 indicating (on p. 198-204) that this is a time of consolidation rather than major biological change including “. . . steady growth . . . testing of physical strength and abilities . . . . forging exploratory other attachments and relationships . . being raucous and raunchy . . . expanded knowledge base and memory . . . beginning reading to learn (though more slowly than girls) . . . going to others for emotional support . . . seeking equitable exchanges. . . as well as craving membership in the pack and shared interests.” There is striving for mastery in sports and other arenas, gearing the boy brain for school, and dealing with academic gender gaps. The authors advise that parents and other adults help boys cope with their frustrations, work on their learning styles, protect and cherish their chances to play and develop at their own speed. Moreover, I was also glad to see attention to “screen time” (e.g., see p. 217) and sexual orientation differences (e.g., see p. 377) despite the book came out well before these matters have received the attention they are getting for better or worse at the present time.
This book seems to complement Gopnik’s “The Gardener and the Carpenter” about parenting styles, Siegel’s “Whole Brain Child” about brain science applied child rearing, Manne’s “Entitled: How Male Privilege Hurts Women” which ends with a mother’s concerns about how to raise a son, and Schein’s “Career Dynamics” which employs graphs to depict life development journeys of adults. However, I missed the kind of “refrigerator page summaries” and charts illustrating the various ages/stages from the other works; it seems such aides could readily be generated from the “Eight Lines of Development” and make this title even more useful. (See also Schteyngart’s “Little Failure,” my review, for perspective).
Along these lines, in a section near the end of the book, “Trusting Development: Natures Best Parenting Guide,” the authors reflect on the course of the book and their initial question about what our male children need from us. They proceed to answer (on p. 399) as follows: “They need our support and guidance most of the time; they also need to be outdoors, far away from us, engaged in undirected play. They need us to ask about them, and they need us to respect their privacy. They need their sports, but they also need the arts to express themselves. And yes, they need us to keep our sense of humor because . . . it can be . . . . quite ridiculous at times . . . We laugh and smile and trust that all this boy stuff will turn into something good.” From more in this vein, read this book.
More specifically, the book’s contents include an Introduction “Boys Really Are Different” and 9 Chapters: (1) Imagining a Boy, (2) An Essential Love Affair: Your Baby Boy Birth to Eighteen Months, (3) Boys in Motion: Eighteen Months to Three Years, (4) Wild Thing, Powerful Little Boys: The Three and Four Year Old Boy, (5) Ready or Not Here Comes School: Your Son Five to Seven, (6) Boys on a Mission: Your Son From Eight to Ten, (7) Startling Changes: A Time of Extraordinary Physical Change, Ages Eleven to Thirteen, (8) Mystery Boy: What is He Thinking? Ages Fourteen and Fifteen, (9) On his Own: Ages Sixteen to Eighteen. There is also an Epilog – Leaving Home, Acknowledgements, Notes, Bibliography, and Index.
Aspects that stood out for me were the introductory materials and sections that highlighted the characteristics of the various age periods. I liked Thompson and Barkers advice to read chapters regarding ages of individuals with whom one is concerned, and then read other parts to look back and forward for further explanation. Within each of those chapters there is a section called “The Eight Lines of Development” which distill the numerous anecdotes and cases to summarize how “The Development Story Advances,” including “Physical Development,” “Attachment,” “Social Development,” “Cognitive Development,” “Academic Development,” “Emotional Self-Regulation,” “Moral and Spiritual Development,” and “Identity.”
For instance, Chapter 5 treats those ages 5-7, explaining (on p. 150-155 ) how they “ . . . excel at physical activities that involve power and force . . . engage in athletics . . . become more independent . . . cooperate and compete . . . boast and show off . . . grow out of magical thinking . . . become more logical and concrete . . . tackle reading and come to grips with numbers . . . gain emotional control . . . have concerns about fairness . . . and form gender and other identifications.” There are a wide range of individual differences and developmental cues related to school readiness and transitional challenges including those related to language and making initial friendships. The authors advise that parents and other close adults let boys deal with aggression, not rush to judgement and allow solitary time for play and maturation.
In contrast, Chapter 6 that deals with those ages 8-10 indicating (on p. 198-204) that this is a time of consolidation rather than major biological change including “. . . steady growth . . . testing of physical strength and abilities . . . . forging exploratory other attachments and relationships . . being raucous and raunchy . . . expanded knowledge base and memory . . . beginning reading to learn (though more slowly than girls) . . . going to others for emotional support . . . seeking equitable exchanges. . . as well as craving membership in the pack and shared interests.” There is striving for mastery in sports and other arenas, gearing the boy brain for school, and dealing with academic gender gaps. The authors advise that parents and other adults help boys cope with their frustrations, work on their learning styles, protect and cherish their chances to play and develop at their own speed. Moreover, I was also glad to see attention to “screen time” (e.g., see p. 217) and sexual orientation differences (e.g., see p. 377) despite the book came out well before these matters have received the attention they are getting for better or worse at the present time.
This book seems to complement Gopnik’s “The Gardener and the Carpenter” about parenting styles, Siegel’s “Whole Brain Child” about brain science applied child rearing, Manne’s “Entitled: How Male Privilege Hurts Women” which ends with a mother’s concerns about how to raise a son, and Schein’s “Career Dynamics” which employs graphs to depict life development journeys of adults. However, I missed the kind of “refrigerator page summaries” and charts illustrating the various ages/stages from the other works; it seems such aides could readily be generated from the “Eight Lines of Development” and make this title even more useful. (See also Schteyngart’s “Little Failure,” my review, for perspective).
Along these lines, in a section near the end of the book, “Trusting Development: Natures Best Parenting Guide,” the authors reflect on the course of the book and their initial question about what our male children need from us. They proceed to answer (on p. 399) as follows: “They need our support and guidance most of the time; they also need to be outdoors, far away from us, engaged in undirected play. They need us to ask about them, and they need us to respect their privacy. They need their sports, but they also need the arts to express themselves. And yes, they need us to keep our sense of humor because . . . it can be . . . . quite ridiculous at times . . . We laugh and smile and trust that all this boy stuff will turn into something good.” From more in this vein, read this book.
April 1, 2009
Very interesting insights to raising boys--I am seeing that my boys are a healthy normal and that my misconceptions of what boys should and shouldn't be doing were jaded. Wish I would have read this before they were born...
July 21, 2011
This is a fabulous book for anyone who works with children or has a son. It is easy to read and very straightforward in helping parents (especially moms) understand the perspective of boys. I absolutely loved it and have given it as a gift to almost everyone I know with sons.
October 16, 2020
I love it and still reading it according to my son age and the issues I'm facing with him. It's a really useful and helpful book and I used to believe gender doesn't matter in raising a child till I had my son hehe he.
October 18, 2022
Statistici, studii de caz, experienta clinica si de consiliere, presarate cu experiente personale si impletite cu umor, la care se adauga perspectiva realista asupra a cat controlam, cu adevarat, in calitate de parinti, dezvoltarea copiilor nostri. Good read!
June 14, 2017
This is a helpful reminder that my son is totally normal, and that him challenging me is totally normal at this age. Sheesh! It's still a pain in the butt though.
March 22, 2018
Very helpful. I am an only child and a female, so this really helped me see what's coming down the pike as my son grows. It also helps me to know that things I find crazy are actually normal.
July 30, 2008
I've always been fascinated (and annoyed) with boys for as long as I can remember. And now I'm even more fascinated with my baby boy so when I saw this title I snatched it up.
I wanted to follow my brother around everywhere he would go and I was his shadow. I was there right behind him when he was climbing trees, I was there when he jumped into the ditch that ran through our yard, I was there when he collected insects to see which was the king of all the insects.. he was always active and adventurous and I wanted to be like him. Then as he got older I found him to be mean and rough and I couldn't stand him!
Reading this book has allowed me to understand why boys do the things that they do - it's all part of their biological makeup. So even though this has given me a glimpse as how they are the way they are, I still find them to be mysterious and fascinating (and annoying).
I wanted to follow my brother around everywhere he would go and I was his shadow. I was there right behind him when he was climbing trees, I was there when he jumped into the ditch that ran through our yard, I was there when he collected insects to see which was the king of all the insects.. he was always active and adventurous and I wanted to be like him. Then as he got older I found him to be mean and rough and I couldn't stand him!
Reading this book has allowed me to understand why boys do the things that they do - it's all part of their biological makeup. So even though this has given me a glimpse as how they are the way they are, I still find them to be mysterious and fascinating (and annoying).
May 10, 2008
I have to confess that I did not read this entire book. I read up until the chapter on 3-4 year old boys and then skimmed the rest for an interview I did with one of its authors, Dr. Michael Thompson. In my defense, I will point out that it is not designed to be the kind of book that one curls up with and reads in one sitting, but more of a reference guide to pull out again and again as a parent. Since my reading/skimming, I think I've recommended it to a different person every day. It is an excellent reference guide to raising boys and should be required reading for all parents of boys. It was straightforward, informative, and comprehensive and struck just the right balance between statistical data and anecdotal evidence.
September 11, 2014
This is a great reference book for raising a boy child. Every 6 months to a year, changes happen in the growth of your child. When you are a woman raising a man child, this book helps fill in the gaps.
Puberty at 9? Yes, this book explains what is happening and why the whole classroom of boys start to take on a particularly pungent odor. You just don't anticipate how early things begin.
Also, boy culture, how it forms, why they feel the need to constantly beat up on each other....yeah, good to know!
A very useful book to check in with once in a while when you are just stumped at the behavior you confront.
Puberty at 9? Yes, this book explains what is happening and why the whole classroom of boys start to take on a particularly pungent odor. You just don't anticipate how early things begin.
Also, boy culture, how it forms, why they feel the need to constantly beat up on each other....yeah, good to know!
A very useful book to check in with once in a while when you are just stumped at the behavior you confront.
December 18, 2019
A clear-eyed, unsentimental, non-moralistic look at the stages of growth and development of boys, from birth to 18. The author's writing style is both knowledgeable and reassuring, and definitely helped me through some of the stages when I was sure I was doing things as a parent all wrong.
It hardly seems possible my son is almost 17, has his driver's license, bought a used truck with the money he earned at his job, and is starting to look at colleges — it's a long way from those early days of just trying to get him to eat and sleep and stop crying!
Highly recommended for anyone raising or caring for boys — I know I'll be referring to it again!
It hardly seems possible my son is almost 17, has his driver's license, bought a used truck with the money he earned at his job, and is starting to look at colleges — it's a long way from those early days of just trying to get him to eat and sleep and stop crying!
Highly recommended for anyone raising or caring for boys — I know I'll be referring to it again!
February 27, 2013
I read this book on the recommendation of my friend Luke who is a single father of a 6 year old son. I was having a really hard time understanding my boyfriend's 4 year old son and this book clarified so much for me. It really helped me understand how to relate to the boy better, what behvaiors are just "boy" behaviors, and what to expect in the next couple of years. I like that the book is broken down to age groups and really discusses what's going on in the boy's head. I woudl highly recommend this book to anyone who has a boy or will be having a boy.
July 24, 2011
Loved this book. It gave nice perspective on the behavior of boys especially for a parent who has never been one. Wished it had talked a bit more about younger boys who are less conventional. My son is very social but also cautious and careful; definitley a look before you leap child if he leaps at all. The chapters on younger boys focused mostly on the rough and tumble types of which my son is not. All in all though I thoroughly enjoyed the insight this book gave into the lives of boys.
June 22, 2008
I got this book because I am a new mom to a baby boy. It was interesting to see the differences between the development of girls and boys. I liked the book but felt the book could have given us a bit more information.
It is good as a reference but if I had to do again, I would get the book from the library instead of buying it.
It is good as a reference but if I had to do again, I would get the book from the library instead of buying it.
July 12, 2010
An excellent resource and reference guide for parents and educators of boys. Reassuring in some respects as it addresses normal developmental behaviors. Very helpful with practical approaches to meeting the physical and emotional needs of a boy. I refer to it frequently as I'm raising my three young sons.
July 2, 2010
This book is amazing if you have a boy. A friend recommended that I borrow it and I'm so glad she did. Sometimes you find yourself wondering, is that normal? Should I be concerned with that? But this book had me feeling much better about parenting a boy. The book is split into age groups making it very easy to just pick it up and quickly read a chapter on five-year olds.
November 16, 2011
This was a book that focused on boys' development and didn't delve too deeply into specific sermonizing on particular ways to parent. Not perfect, but a good resource, very positive overall, and not condescending. Worth the time to browse for an overview and then have on the shelf as new milestones come up. It is mostly organized chronologically.
March 24, 2012
Every so often, I come across a book that I want to press into the hands of everyone I know -- in this case, into the hands of everyone I know who is the parent of a boy. This book on the development of boys is easy to read and very accessible, and would be a wonderful title to own and refer to frequently.
December 28, 2008
Not much helpful information. I guess I was looking for developmental benchmark stuff, and resources to help my son...and the authors whole thing was that everyone moves at their own pace. Also, the book went up to 18 years, and I only have 9 months to work with...
May 22, 2009
skimmed just the 1-4 year old section. fairly main stream in terms of advice but reassuring that boisterous e energy is normal development for toddler/pre-school boys. makes me even more wary of preschool for boys as it seems to be more in line with expectations of typical girl development.
January 22, 2010
so far, this book has assured me that my son's demon behavior is not the early signs of a cat-torturer/ serial killer. Phew. Obviously, I haven't read this whole thing, since it goes up through teenage-hood, but it is a go-to on the shelf now.
January 12, 2014
I checked this book out from the library and only read the chapter on boys age 8-10. I found the information helpful and more extensive than in books that are not gender specific. I'll be checking it out again in 2 years.
February 14, 2014
This is such a great self-help, parenting style book! I read it all from age three (my preschool students) through age 13--my greatest fear. It was truly, honestly enlightening when I read the chapters on ages 7-9. I found it to be useful and very helpful. Put my mind at ease about a lot of things!
June 9, 2008
Still reading, but so far it has had some interesting info. I think I would also use Brazelton's Touchpoints as a basic text.
June 16, 2008
A great read. Gave me more insight into my sons.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 55 reviews