Raising Myself: A Memoir of Neglect, Shame, and Growing Up Too Soon

by Beverly Engel

No one could have imagined how as a child Beverly Engel could have managed to become who she is today―an internationally known expert on abuse recovery and the best-selling author of twenty-two self-help books. This is the raw, candid story of how she made her way in the world in spite of her mother’s neglect, unreasonable expectations and constant criticism; in spite of being sexually abused, first at four years old and then at nine; and in spite of being raped at twelve.



Raising Myself takes readers on a remarkable journey, showing us how Engel, who was basically on her own from the age of four, learned how to cope with a neglectful, narcissistic mother while being surrounded by a cast of characters that included eccentrics and misfits, a religious fanatic, child molesters, rapists, and hoodlums. It is a soul-searching memoir about how she came dangerously close to the edge of becoming a child molester, a criminal, and a suicide, and how she battled her inner demons and struggled to keep her heart open and to “reinvent” herself so she could follow her dream of making something of herself. Powerfully inspiring and unflinchingly honest, Raising Myself is a story of remarkable resilience and insight.

Genres: Memoir, Nonfiction

304 pages, Kindle Edition

Published April 3, 2018

About the author

Beverly Engel has been a psychotherapist for thirty years, specializing in the areas of abuse recovery, relationships, women’s issues and sexuality. She is also the best-selling author of 20 self-help books, many of which have been featured on national television and radio programs (Oprah, CNN, Ricki Lake, Starting Over) as well as national print media (O Magazine, Cosmopolitan, Ladies Home Journal, Redbook, Psychology Today, The Washington Post, The LA Times, and The Chicago Tribune to name a few).

She is considered one of the world’s leading experts on the issue of emotional abuse, as well as a pioneer on the issue, having written one of the first recovery books on the subject (The Emotionally Abused Woman).

Reviews

[C · Rating 5 out of 5]

Too many memoirists skip or gloss over struggles inherent in recovering from abuse—going right from a depth of gory detail to a pinnacle of glorious overcoming. Beverly Engel expertly fills the gap between the experience of trauma and survival of it with moving, relatable accounts of her struggles. Although many of her experiences are heartrending, Engel writes with balance, injecting the right amount of detail to illustrate the circumstances without overwhelming the reader or minimizing the horrible situations she endured.

Yes, Engel is an accomplished author and psychotherapist who dreamed, set goals, and achieved great things. Yet in Raising Myself, she deftly weaves successes and struggles in a way that offers hope to those still on the journey of healing from their own abuse. You will laugh with her, cry with her, and wish there were more at the end.

Beverly Engel is a great storyteller; the memoir has the feel of a novel partly because the characters are so vividly portrayed. The story is real, the protagonist relatable, the writing superb. Having had a neglectful mother, I so identify with what Engel wrote, “I went outside and sat in my sandbox, letting the still-warm sand cradle me”. Those who have suffered abuse or neglect will glean insight from her experiences and find comfort that they are not alone. Readers who know people who were abused – people on what Engel calls “the six paths of trauma,” eg addiction, crime, etc. – will better understand those survivors. Great read, highly recommend, can’t wait for part two!

[Brittany | thebookishfiiasco · Rating 4 out of 5]

‘There was yet a third feeling stirring inside me as well: pride. I felt proud of myself for standing my ground and fighting back, and for just a moment that feeling of pride overshadowed the overwhelming feeling of shame I’d been carrying around inside me for so long.’
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I chose to read Raising Myself because this was the kind of book that hooked me into reading when I was younger. I saw reading other people’s experiences as a way to disconnect from mine, and to bring about new perspectives for how should I interact, listen, and engage with people, given that I usually don’t know anybody’s full story. Memoirs, and books that share vulnerabilities, fiction or not, will always be my favorite, simply because I feel like they give us the little bit extra that we need to understand each other.
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Raising Myself was one of those stories. The detail of Beverly’s heartbreaking and graphic childhood can be challenging to face, but the realness of her story makes listening so important and powerful. She has such a strong way of delivering her truths and experiences, and you can’t help but feel her through her words. If you enjoy a story that evokes reflection, empathy, compassion, a desire for something different, change, while also knowing it’s going to really hit you in your feelings— then I think you’ll enjoy reading this one.
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4/5 ✨

[Ietrio · Rating 2 out of 5]

A tortured life. But is it worth your time? No. Disparate bits put together in a chronological order. The details are sharp and yet pieces are missing. Finally, this is yet another attempt to draw attention at the other books published on the same theme.

[Kay Mammo · Rating 4 out of 5]

my heart hurts. recommended to me by someone and im so glad i read it.

[Cheryl · Rating 4 out of 5]

Reading about Beverly's childhood, just broke my heart. What with her experiencing sexual rape at a young age was horrible but I think the worse was when Beverly told her mom; only to have her mother not believe her and still keep a friendship with the woman who's boyfriend raped Beverly. This led Beverly to act out and believe that she was a horrible daughter.

There was no love shown by Beverly's mother. I am very lucky that my mom loves me with all her heart. We have a very close relationship. So, I can not imagine not having a close relationship with my mother. There is one word for what Beverly went through and that is...perseverance. She did not let what happened to her as a child shape her into who she is now. Raising Myself is a very well written and thoughtful memoir.

[naz · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book started and ended strong but the middle 95% was a major drag and seriously lacking in insight, introspection, or retrospection. It felt like a grandmother retelling their life story in meticulous detail, and me, the grandkid, trying patiently to stay awake. While I adore her courage, for a psychotherapist’s memoir, it was bland and mostly descriptive and while the events were shocking, it failed to move me much.

[Jackie Rogers · Rating 4 out of 5]

Ms. Engel has quite a story to tell. Her life was filled cwith heartache and rejection. She had a shame based nature that took a long time to overcome. Her story is raw and sad as she elaborates on raising herself. Couldn't put it down and am glad the rest of the story is in a second book. Thanks Ms. Engel and Goodreads.

[Mandi · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book felt like I was reading my own story. It is inspiring how far she has come. Truly inspiring that she overcame such obstacles. She’s a great role model for women like myself who have had a rough childhood and are trying to navigate life.

[Traceylee · Rating 4 out of 5]

Why

It was pretty good book. The main character in this novel was put down all the time by mother and had to learn to love herself and it took a teacher to point out she was good at something.

[Sara · Rating 4 out of 5]

"The only person you are destined to become is the person you decide to be"

[Abiah Omukhango · Rating 5 out of 5]

Gave voice to so many of the feelings i had