Recovery: A Guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics

by Herbert L. Gravitz, Julie D. Bowden

Rich with insight and awareness, Recovery explores the secrets, fears, hopes and issues that confront adult children of alcoholics. Authors and widely respected therapists and ACOA workshop leaders Herbert Gravitz and Julie Bowden detail in a clear question-and-answer format the challenges of control and inadequacy that ACOAs face as they struggle for recovery and understanding, stage-by-stage: Survival
* Emergent Awareness
* Core Issues
* Transformations
* Integration
* Genesis.
If you feel troubled by your post, Recovery will start you on the path of self-awareness, as it explores the searching questions adult children of alcoholics seek to hove answered:
* How con I overcome my need for control?
* Do all ACOAs ploy the some kind of roles in the family?
* How do I overcome my fear of intimacy?
* What is all-or-none functioning?
* How can ACOAs maintain self-confidence and awareness after recovery?
* How do ACOAs handle the family after understanding its influence?
* And many other important questions about your post, family and feelings.
Written with warmth, joy and real understanding, Recovery will inspire you to meet the challenges of the post and overcome the obstacles to your happiness.

Genres: Nonfiction, Self Help, Psychology, Health, Mental Health, Addiction

144 pages, Paperback

First published September 15, 1987

Reviews

[lov2laf · Rating 4 out of 5]

I think this book is more helpful for the person just realizing they come from an alcoholic home, offering sound information in a kind manner. However, for those that are already familiar with the territory, there are still some nuggets of wisdom to pick up and good reminders.

The book is in a Q & A format so it's easy to digest and well-structured.

It does a good job of identifying common issues and giving advice on what would be most helpful to do, think, or feel in place of the typical scars that most ACAs experience. It's a good starting ground but more detailed recovery strategies can be found in other books such as Pete Walker's 'Complex PTSD'.

I'd recommend more for the 'just realizing' set of readers but it's a solid book, overall.

[Aurélien Thomas · Rating 2 out of 5]

I have picked this up hoping to get advice regarding how to change some negative and pervasive aspects of my character, that I know stem from me being a ACOA. I was slightly disappointed ,as the advices given are far too light and not very helpful!

In fact, most of it all stresses the main characteristics of an ACOA's personality, while insisting these features can be overcome and/or turned into strength. Nothing wrong with that, but for a book titled 'Recovery', I had expected something else and with more substance.

Some might find it inspiring. I for one found it too easy, light, and barely useful. As far as I am concerned, only the chapter 'Core Issues', if you are not already familiar with the topic, could worth a read.

[Vincze Andrada · Rating 4 out of 5]

"As a child, it may have been necessary to bury certain traumatizing experiences. If a child is being abused emotionally, physically or sexually and there is no one to turn for help, she or he might think, "It's not really bad. It's no big deal. In fact, it doesn't even bother me that much." Such denial can allow children to live through horrors which, if fully comprehended, might be devastating. To bury the pain was to ensure survival as a child."

[jewelthinks · Rating 5 out of 5]

at first, i wasn’t going to share this. because: embarrassment, shame, fear, etcetera etcetera.

but i ain’t no punk -- not used in a derogatory manner -- meaning that i ain’t never gonna be scared to live my best life. ever, ever again. (cue Lil Duval) moving forward: out loud. on purpose. and I’m definitely not gonna be reading in secret. all i have to offer in this life is my authenticity. i’m reading this book because I need it. i didn’t know I needed it until recently. for when the scars are invisible. because: reaching 40 will call your bluff and bring up all kinds of ish you thought you packed up and put away – for good.

i needed this and need it. I zipped through this even though it is heavy and intensely. I read it so quickly because it explained so much, so much of what I’ve been dealing with my adult life! I’m not crazy. Nothing is wrong with me and I’m saying, “no” to toxic family relationships and manipulation.

I’m going to reread this slowly sitting with each section purposely ...

[Camber · Rating 4 out of 5]

You will hate and love this book at the same time. It really helps thoughs of us that grew up in a unhealthy relationship identify the real problems that we have learned, but you'll hate it cause it makes you deal with the problems you have learned. This book with help you discover yourself and cope with problems in your childhood.

[C.J · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wisely helpful,insightful and undoubtedly life changing.

The road to recovery is long,winding and often treacherously tough.
This book has always been my trusty companion to help me
navigate the storms and misdirections along the way.

Still here,still recovering,still learning.
“One day at a time.”

[Robert Henry · Rating 5 out of 5]

Fantastic book. Recommend for anyone adult children of alcoholics.

[Jaki · Rating 3 out of 5]

Ok as a starting point - I think your mileage may vary, depending on when alcoholism became an issue in your family life (the book seems to assume from a very young age) and at what point you are in your reckoning with its effects (or other dysfunctional family dynamics). Not sure it's as much a "guide" as a jumping off point for further work and guidance beyond the (relatively sparse) recommendations from the book, but perhaps a good way to start identifying issues you may want to address through other means.

[Donna · Rating 4 out of 5]

Question and answer format, this book does a great job of characterizing how growing up in an alcoholic family will influence an individual. It offers hope and how it will feel during the recovery process, but it did not provide a lot of detail in how to achieve recovery. Seems like it would be a good complement to someone in therapy. It was great to recognize behaviors in an ACoA family member and to help put it all into perspective.

[Jenna · Rating 4 out of 5]

“To foster the transformations stage of recovery is to make it a priority. Give it your time. Give it your attention. Give it your energy. Seek opportunities to put into effect some of the things you are learning. Dare to talk about what is happening to you. Dare to trust at least one person. Dare to feel your emotions. See what happens when you break the injunctions of the past. Above all, be patient with yourself.”

[Domo]

Not sure how I feel about it.

[Jill Litschewski · Rating 5 out of 5]

A MUST read.

If you are anyone struggling with re-occurring unhealthy relationship patterns and you are an ACOA, this is for you. Period.

[Sandi · Rating 5 out of 5]

If you grew up in a dysfunctional, alcoholic home, I recommending taking the first step by reading this book.
I read it every so often when I may be falling back into crazymaking behavior.

[Heidi Lappi · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very informational and helpful. Good for whatever stage you are in.

[Siri · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent book, very relevant for childhood trauma survivors

[Gloria Byrd · Rating 5 out of 5]

The best ACoA book I’ve read so far. It’s a little outdated though.

[Mitch · Rating 5 out of 5]

Terrific!!

[Julieta · Rating 5 out of 5]

I went into this book wondering if my childhood experience shaped some of the negative characteristics within my personality. After reading this book, I can resoundingly say YES.

I feel more aware and in tune with myself than I ever have. Finally, it all makes sense. Why do I feel a need to control every situation? Why am I overly responsible? Why do I say “nothing”, when someone asks me what’s wrong?

This is the first book or written text that I have read concerning the topic of adult children of alcoholics. If you’re a “beginner” in studying this area of your life, I would highly suggest diving into this book and the sooner the better.

If you have an all or nothing attitude, this book will wake you up to that. If you have difficulty trusting others, this book will walk you through that one step at a time.

This book may have been written 40 years ago, but for me it was more prevalent than ever.

To the authors, I thank you. I look forward to continuing my journey in this realm of my personal reflection and breaking the cycle.

[Emily · Rating 5 out of 5]

Everyone has at least one of the following: an alcoholic in your family, an alcoholic in the family of a loved one, or people in your life who have the dysfuctional behaviors often perpetuated in codependent families. Therefore, everyone should read this book.

[Donna Waggener · Rating 5 out of 5]

I'm in a 12 Step Recovery Program for Adult Children of Alcoholics and found this book very helpful with good information

[Shelly · Rating 5 out of 5]

Really great reference for personal growth. I am hoping to read it again soon. Update: Re-read and still a great reference.

[Suzanne]

Excellent Book for those with this issue in your family! Has been incredibly helpful and brought much insight to me.