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Unashamed: a life tainted...: Vol 1 & 2
The eldest daughter of MTV-award-winning music video director from the 90s, Aswad Ayinde, Aziza Kibibi shares the secret life that no celebrity her father knew could have ever imagined. Living in a sheltered polygamous family, homeschooled and separated from everyone she ever knew, her father' professional life working with celebrities such as Lauryn Hill and Queen Latifah, gave a false image of who and what Aswad Ayinde was. a life tainted, vol 1 and 2 is a coming of age, survival story exploring the journey of a woman who refuses to be broken and liberates herself from physical and mental bondage, and forges her own life.
- GenresMemoir
434 pages, Kindle Edition
Published January 17, 2018
284 people are currently reading
686 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 36 reviews
December 28, 2022
How do you rate a book like this. You can’t say it was good. The book was well written and the author’s voice is clear and hopeful despite the heavy subject matter. I feel inspired because of her resilience and determination to take care of her family and the ways she has overcome. Her spirit is unbroken. I came across a random reel in my IG feed and I had to watch it 3 times. I thought if this is true how can she admit it so freely without shame. How could something like this happen to a Black woman in America. I googled her name and found a segment on Evil Lives Here. I watched that and YouTube videos lead me to the book. The abuse is told in graphic, vile detail. Thankfully those passages are short. The author tells how someone like her abuser is able to operate and have complete control over not only his children but other adults. You get a glimpse into the mind of evil. Still it is the author whose voice shines through it all and you root for her the whole way through and hope as she may have that someone rescues her. There are things that happen to Black people that make you wanna hide yourself under a rock to insulate yourself from the world. I was curious about this story but I didn’t want to be a spectator to her pain. I read this work to bear silent witness and to say l believe you. I believe victims and survivors. Tell your story. The shame isn’t yours, it’s the perpetrator’s.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
May 26, 2022
Trigger warning : ⚠️ SA, child loss , DV, incest
Aziza revisits a life that many of us cannot imagine enduring.
The chapters in this book jump around from childhood and the radical ideals of a narcissistic man and his brainwashing techniques to her adulthood and her children back to the beginning of her sexual abuse at the hands of her father.
It's a close look into the dynamic that abusers often have.
It's a difficult read. The details of abuse are nauseating, but mostly necessary in a book of truth. The trauma Aziza encountered and dealt with on a daily basis is astounding. She gives details of her faith in a higher power and how this has helped her through some unimaginable situations.
Not being a religious person some of the details on her faith are lost on me. But I think most of the comments regarding religion are needed to complete the entire picture of her story and experiences.
Ultimately I think this book is a red of a woman who is strong and resilient.
Aziza revisits a life that many of us cannot imagine enduring.
The chapters in this book jump around from childhood and the radical ideals of a narcissistic man and his brainwashing techniques to her adulthood and her children back to the beginning of her sexual abuse at the hands of her father.
It's a close look into the dynamic that abusers often have.
It's a difficult read. The details of abuse are nauseating, but mostly necessary in a book of truth. The trauma Aziza encountered and dealt with on a daily basis is astounding. She gives details of her faith in a higher power and how this has helped her through some unimaginable situations.
Not being a religious person some of the details on her faith are lost on me. But I think most of the comments regarding religion are needed to complete the entire picture of her story and experiences.
Ultimately I think this book is a red of a woman who is strong and resilient.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
July 25, 2022
STRENGTH AND DIVINE BEING IS AZIZA
I don’t know how you overcame all the cruelty, pain, torture and mistreatment for over a decade and still be a shining light. I live in Paterson and knowing I could have walked past your house of horrors in real time breaks me. There aren’t enough words to describe your tenacity and will to overcome your nightmare while maintaining and increasing your faith in God. That’s what stuck with me. Thank you for being the remarkable, resilient, inspirational woman and beautiful caring mother you are. I’m giving you your flowers now My Queen. You are definitely an empath and an Angel to so many….blessings to you 💕
I don’t know how you overcame all the cruelty, pain, torture and mistreatment for over a decade and still be a shining light. I live in Paterson and knowing I could have walked past your house of horrors in real time breaks me. There aren’t enough words to describe your tenacity and will to overcome your nightmare while maintaining and increasing your faith in God. That’s what stuck with me. Thank you for being the remarkable, resilient, inspirational woman and beautiful caring mother you are. I’m giving you your flowers now My Queen. You are definitely an empath and an Angel to so many….blessings to you 💕
August 15, 2022
Very emotional
This book is pretty good! It’s super intimate and like a window you see into Kibibi’s life. Throughout this book my eyes watered! Kibibi went though the unimaginable. So happy she was brave enough to send the person she calls dad to prison. I have a super close relationship with my dad and cannot understand why, someone would treat their child the way her father treated her! Though sad and at times overwhelming, this book really allows you to see the power we all possess. Deep inside of us. Through it all… she rose to the top!
This book is pretty good! It’s super intimate and like a window you see into Kibibi’s life. Throughout this book my eyes watered! Kibibi went though the unimaginable. So happy she was brave enough to send the person she calls dad to prison. I have a super close relationship with my dad and cannot understand why, someone would treat their child the way her father treated her! Though sad and at times overwhelming, this book really allows you to see the power we all possess. Deep inside of us. Through it all… she rose to the top!
August 28, 2022
The story was very profound and interesting but it was little hard to follow and could've used some coaching in the writing department. I understand it's her first book and her limitations due to her limited amount of schooling.
I can relate to parts of her story because I experience molestation myself and abuse is not okay on any level. I, like Aziza, never told anyone until recently. I discovered that the one person I was hiding it from actually knew about it and her relationships suffered because of it. I wish l would've spoken up sooner, but being the oldest and trying to protect everyone (age 8) from harm is a lot of responsibility when you feel like damaged goods.
I can relate to parts of her story because I experience molestation myself and abuse is not okay on any level. I, like Aziza, never told anyone until recently. I discovered that the one person I was hiding it from actually knew about it and her relationships suffered because of it. I wish l would've spoken up sooner, but being the oldest and trying to protect everyone (age 8) from harm is a lot of responsibility when you feel like damaged goods.
November 25, 2025
Wow, just wow. Aziza is such a strong individual, and after reading this book, it only reaffirms this statement. I loved the insight into this book, because like the natural human mind, I would ask myself how did she not realize this was wrong and didn’t tell anybody around her? Hearing her perspective on everything and just how manipulative her dad was to the smallest points in their lives let me truly see how it was capable to be blindsided to what was going on. She is an EXTREMELY positive individual given all the situations she’s been through, and I hope God blesses her with a fantastic life for the remainder of her years.
May 29, 2019
Unashamed
All I can say “My hat is off to you Aziza” you are strong, beautiful, talented and I can go on for days uplifting you. But you was able to be strong through this thing you called life. I am so happy you shared your story. I pray that others will read your story and that this book will and can help others who is going through this in their life. This is not a quick read you have to be strong and have an open mind about what’s the author is writing about. Thank you...
All I can say “My hat is off to you Aziza” you are strong, beautiful, talented and I can go on for days uplifting you. But you was able to be strong through this thing you called life. I am so happy you shared your story. I pray that others will read your story and that this book will and can help others who is going through this in their life. This is not a quick read you have to be strong and have an open mind about what’s the author is writing about. Thank you...
October 25, 2020
Amazing memoir
This was a sad story with a bitter sweet ending. I felt so sorry for Azziza. All the suffering she and her family endured. I’m glad that justice was finally served. But I don’t understand why her mother Beverly wasn’t charged with a crime. She knew what was going on and she was an adult! I understand that she was also abused but she could have stopped it all. Als don’t understand why the Daddy’s girlfriend Acura wasn’t charged. She was also a child molester. Sorry if I didn’t spell the names correctly.
This was a sad story with a bitter sweet ending. I felt so sorry for Azziza. All the suffering she and her family endured. I’m glad that justice was finally served. But I don’t understand why her mother Beverly wasn’t charged with a crime. She knew what was going on and she was an adult! I understand that she was also abused but she could have stopped it all. Als don’t understand why the Daddy’s girlfriend Acura wasn’t charged. She was also a child molester. Sorry if I didn’t spell the names correctly.
October 1, 2022
very real and touching
This woman, who has the same name as my mom, is a true hero and must be protected at all costs.
Her outlook on life, even after going through tragedy is one to look up to. These books are written very gracefully and even through everything that has happened to her I am so very glad that Aziza is living her life to the fullest and taking into account all that she has to be grateful for, which I command.
Wish her all the love and happiness life has to offer.
This woman, who has the same name as my mom, is a true hero and must be protected at all costs.
Her outlook on life, even after going through tragedy is one to look up to. These books are written very gracefully and even through everything that has happened to her I am so very glad that Aziza is living her life to the fullest and taking into account all that she has to be grateful for, which I command.
Wish her all the love and happiness life has to offer.
January 28, 2020
Courageous
I first heard of Aziza when she appeared on the ID channel's show Evil Lives Here. To hear her talk about the things that she went through at the hands of her father was just crazy. This story isn't for the faint of heart. She let's you in on a lifestyle that many wouldn't survive. No child should ever have to go through the things that she has been through. I highly recommend this book.
I first heard of Aziza when she appeared on the ID channel's show Evil Lives Here. To hear her talk about the things that she went through at the hands of her father was just crazy. This story isn't for the faint of heart. She let's you in on a lifestyle that many wouldn't survive. No child should ever have to go through the things that she has been through. I highly recommend this book.
May 13, 2022
BY FAR THE BEST BOOK I HAVE EVER READ!
I want to start off by saying. Thank you Lord. Thank you for her revelation & Strength you have given her! This book is AMAZING! However I wouldn’t wish this type of torture or anyone ever. I thank you for being a light in a dark room full of victims all over the world. Aziza. You are HER. Much love & respect to you! One day I hope we can meet
I want to start off by saying. Thank you Lord. Thank you for her revelation & Strength you have given her! This book is AMAZING! However I wouldn’t wish this type of torture or anyone ever. I thank you for being a light in a dark room full of victims all over the world. Aziza. You are HER. Much love & respect to you! One day I hope we can meet
April 2, 2023
Totally unbelievable!
I have so much respect for Ms. Kibibi for the way she handled the horrible situations she was forced to live in! I don't think I could have done as well as she did. There were many instances of horrific abuse - physical, mental and sexual. Yet she handled them with such grace. I'm so grateful that her monstrous father got was coming to him and that he stays behind bars for eternity. There is a special place in hell for creatures like him!
I have so much respect for Ms. Kibibi for the way she handled the horrible situations she was forced to live in! I don't think I could have done as well as she did. There were many instances of horrific abuse - physical, mental and sexual. Yet she handled them with such grace. I'm so grateful that her monstrous father got was coming to him and that he stays behind bars for eternity. There is a special place in hell for creatures like him!
November 10, 2023
Wow, I don’t know if I have the words for this just yet. As I read on, things just kept getting worse… and then things finally started to look up for Aziza in the end. I’m glad to hear that she’s doing well for herself now that she is finally free from her abuser(s). This is a painful and emotional read and not for the faint of heart. There were many chapters where I needed to put the book down for a few days because it was so brutal.
December 11, 2023
I don’t know where to start…..Aziza is a very strong woman to overcome all that she went through with her parents and to still be able to forgive them, because I could not. Her mom deserves to be locked up right along with her daddy. And her sister ain’t shit for sleeping with her husband. But anyways, this story was sad and some parts are disturbing and hard to read. The things her dad did to her were just horrific.
March 11, 2025
Great book! Recommend
She has come out a strong woman, a fighter and has a positive outlook on life after all she has been through. Parts of this 📖 I found very enticing and intimate, especially with the relationships she developed. This book is a sad reminder of what some children have to endure in childhood although. Her mother didn't do anything to prevent her being unfortunately.
She has come out a strong woman, a fighter and has a positive outlook on life after all she has been through. Parts of this 📖 I found very enticing and intimate, especially with the relationships she developed. This book is a sad reminder of what some children have to endure in childhood although. Her mother didn't do anything to prevent her being unfortunately.
July 14, 2025
With God all things are possible!
She told her story with excellence! I felt so sad for her & her family. But at the end of the day, God gave her grace to make it to the other side. He was with her the whole time! With God all things are possible! If she went through all that, I' m encouraged that keeping my faith in God and trusting him, I can make it through anything.
Thank you!
She told her story with excellence! I felt so sad for her & her family. But at the end of the day, God gave her grace to make it to the other side. He was with her the whole time! With God all things are possible! If she went through all that, I' m encouraged that keeping my faith in God and trusting him, I can make it through anything.
Thank you!
June 13, 2022
Incredible story of victoriously rising from victim hood. Four stars because the story, at times, is hard to follow, in a Quentin Tarantino style. Although I love Quentin Tarantino's movies, I need to watch them several times to get the gist and place everything in a chronological timeline.
I do not want to read this book several times to get a chronological timeline. One time was enough.
I do not want to read this book several times to get a chronological timeline. One time was enough.
July 14, 2022
Tough read
This book was a tough read for two reasons. The abuse discussed in this book is heartbreaking and sickening. The second reason is that it is littered with grammatical errors snd spelling mistakes. I have marked all through this book as if I were editing a manuscript for a client. Trigger warning for those who have dealt with sexual assault or abuse of any kind.
This book was a tough read for two reasons. The abuse discussed in this book is heartbreaking and sickening. The second reason is that it is littered with grammatical errors snd spelling mistakes. I have marked all through this book as if I were editing a manuscript for a client. Trigger warning for those who have dealt with sexual assault or abuse of any kind.
April 18, 2023
good book
Good book, but the story skipped around and bounced back and forth between years, it became confusing. And sometimes there was just to much unimportant information, that could have been left out, because it wasn’t relevant..I just wished the book was written from the start of her life until after the trial, without skipping around
Good book, but the story skipped around and bounced back and forth between years, it became confusing. And sometimes there was just to much unimportant information, that could have been left out, because it wasn’t relevant..I just wished the book was written from the start of her life until after the trial, without skipping around
July 30, 2023
Great book
This book was very explosive.I don't think I have ever read anything like it and i read consistently.this book made me so angry at the father and I can't imagine how a child was able to endure so much physical and emotional abuse.He should spend the rest of his life in prison and her mother should go to prison too.
This book was very explosive.I don't think I have ever read anything like it and i read consistently.this book made me so angry at the father and I can't imagine how a child was able to endure so much physical and emotional abuse.He should spend the rest of his life in prison and her mother should go to prison too.
July 27, 2024
Tragic and yet beautifully inspiring. I wanted so badly to go back in time and protect her and her siblings. Poor baby. How she survived so much I just don't know. My heart hurts after finishing the book but I'm also so thankful she wrote it. Highly recommend. Just have your tissues next to you and take breaks. Its a harrowing read.
June 5, 2025
Proud of this Beauty.
No child, teen, or young adult should have to endure what she lived through.
Hell is too good for the Demons responsible (Aswad & Beverly Ayinde, their concubine Akua Montano, and any other adult who participated in or turned a blind eye to the brutality she faced at the hands of these monsters) for her suffering.
No child, teen, or young adult should have to endure what she lived through.
Hell is too good for the Demons responsible (Aswad & Beverly Ayinde, their concubine Akua Montano, and any other adult who participated in or turned a blind eye to the brutality she faced at the hands of these monsters) for her suffering.
July 16, 2025
Heart wrenching
At one time I had to put this to the side and get my mind right . I could not bring myself to understand how a father could do such a thing to his child . He is a monster and I pray he suffers for the remainder of his life for the pain and suffering he has caused his children .
I pray that his children finds peace and live an abundance life of joy .
At one time I had to put this to the side and get my mind right . I could not bring myself to understand how a father could do such a thing to his child . He is a monster and I pray he suffers for the remainder of his life for the pain and suffering he has caused his children .
I pray that his children finds peace and live an abundance life of joy .
May 13, 2019
Emotional Rollercoaster
I teared up so many times..Finished this in a two day read. What a life alot of us chocolate girls live.. But Praise TMH God that we don't look like what we've been through...
I teared up so many times..Finished this in a two day read. What a life alot of us chocolate girls live.. But Praise TMH God that we don't look like what we've been through...
December 4, 2022
My heart goes out to her and every one who have or will be abused. This story broke my heart. I was glad when he was found guilty but I understand when she said this was her father, her kids father and grandfather. So sad!
December 5, 2025
traumatizing
Tough read. This lady’s experience is unfathomable. I’ll never understand this type of evil in the world.
Many grammatical issues. One being the difference between then and than. Could have used an editor.
Tough read. This lady’s experience is unfathomable. I’ll never understand this type of evil in the world.
Many grammatical issues. One being the difference between then and than. Could have used an editor.
February 10, 2019
WOW
I cannot imagine a child having to go thru such horrors, and by your own father. She's strong beyond words.
I cannot imagine a child having to go thru such horrors, and by your own father. She's strong beyond words.
March 30, 2021
Thank You Aziza!
Thank you for sharing your truth. You're heart is beautiful. When you spoke up and went through trial you also help many survivors to gain confidence to heal
Thank you for sharing your truth. You're heart is beautiful. When you spoke up and went through trial you also help many survivors to gain confidence to heal
June 14, 2021
Must read
Gave clarity through being frank and honest what a victim of inconceivable abuse goes through and how she overcame it.
Gave clarity through being frank and honest what a victim of inconceivable abuse goes through and how she overcame it.
March 18, 2022
Very Detailed Great Book!
Praying for Aziza and her strength to endure the unimaginable things that no one should have to. Your resilience is AMAZING!
Praying for Aziza and her strength to endure the unimaginable things that no one should have to. Your resilience is AMAZING!
Displaying 1 - 30 of 36 reviews