Tízezer könnycsepp

by Elizabeth Kim

„Ami ​történt, az nem volt más, mint a hagyomány által szentesített rituális emberölés. Hiszen a nők élete amúgy sem számított sokat és régóta bevett szokás, hogy a család szégyenét az asszony vérével mosták le.”

Elizabeth Kim sorsa is a borzalmak éjszakájával kezdődik, ahol a becsületbeli ügy nevében rokonai a szeme láttára anyját felakasztják egy kis koreai faluban. Meggyilkolják, mert megbocsáthatatlan bűnt követett el, lefeküdt egy amerikai katonával és megszülte lányát, a törvénytelen gyermeket. A felfogás szerint még halottnak lenni is jobb, mint ami ő volt „honhyol” vagyis olyan nőnemű lény akinek sem neve, sem születési dátuma nincsen.
Az árvaházba kerülése, a borzalmak sokasága, az örökbefogadás tortúrái egy gyermektelen amerikai családnál mind-mind szenvedéseit és fájdalmát fokozták. Az életet jelentő kiút csak egy újabb megpróbáltatás, amely azonban meghozza számára a végső biztonságot.

„Megrázó, szívszorító elbeszélés egy nő bátorságáról, az anyai szeretetre való vágyódásról, az előítéletek és tragédiák fölötti nehezen megszerzett győzelemről.”
(Arthur Golden – Egy Gésa emlékiratai c. könyv írója)

Tízezer könnycsepp a szenvedésről, tízezer könnycsepp az emberi akaratról, a megbocsátás erejéről, mely túlél, legyőz mindent, és kivívja csodálatunkat.

Genres: Nonfiction, Biography, Memoir, Adoption, Autobiography, Asia, Biography Memoir

232 pages, Hardcover

First published January 1, 2000

About the author

Elizabeth Kim is a journalist and the author of the best selling novel "Ten Thousand Sorrows", which has been chronicled in O, Oprah Winfrey's magazine.

Kim was born in Korea to a Korean mother and an American father who had deserted her mother.

Reviews

[Sabrina Rutter · Rating 5 out of 5]

WOW! I don't think words can do justice for the way this book made me feel. I have read a lot of heartwrenching true life stories, but this is beyond that. The things Elizabeth Kim has been through in her life is beyond anything anyone should ever have to endure. I was already crying by page 20, and continued to cry throughout this entire memoir.
Kim makes a great point in her book that I really hope those adopting from other countries take heed to. These days so many people are adopting children from abroad even the rich and famous. It's so important to remember that these children come from another culture and that culture should also be embraced just as much as the child. These children are coming from backgrounds that the adoptive parents have no real understanding of, so I hope that for the childrens sake they show a lot of patience and understanding while the child learns about their new land.
No child should have to go through the things Kim went through. She had spent her entire life as an outcast right from the start. The only person that Kim loved and that loved and accepted her was her mother. Her mother was killed right before her eyes leaving Kim all alone in the world.
I could go on and on about Kim's story. The things this woman has survived is amazing to me. Now it's her turn to have ten thousand joys.

[J J · Rating 5 out of 5]

If you've ever cared about any story about the black American struggle, Middle Eastern refugees, Holocaust survivors, thrown away Chinese baby girls, Japanese earthquake survivors, Vietnam vets, assaulted Indian women, persecuted LGBT individuals, struggling middle class women, and so on, or even if you only care about an exciting story regardless of historical, socioeconomic, political, or cultural context, you should put this memoir (really, autobiography) of a biracial Korean adoptee (circa 1950s) next on your list.

I devoured this book in just two days of commuting from my place in South Brooklyn to work in the northermost tip of Manhattan. Powerful, shocking, well-written, descriptive, deep, and yet somehow concise, the book has changed my life as a Korean-American, an American, a Korean, and as a female at a pivotal point (age 37, single, childless, finally striving to write her own book that contains elements of history, struggle, trauma, and identity).

Even while utterly engrossed in my reading, there was a constant voice from the depths of my soul, screaming, "HOW IS THIS BOOK NOT A(N EVEN) BIGGER DEAL???" Maybe because it was published in 2000, not in the current heyday of new wave feminism, the #metoo movement, identity politics, global warfare, refugeeism, immigration, walls being proposed, and children being torn away from their parents and families?? But then why isn't it being re-discovered, splashed on every bestseller list, being optioned into a movie, being discussed in schools, and being touted by all the people, "influencers," and celebrities who were so excited that Crazy Rich Asians got all Asians on the screen? Hellooooo, humanity.......

Here is a rare account brought to us by a direct survivor of an outrageous amount of suffering, presented in a form that can be consumed and therefore absorbed even by those who so privileged and fortunate to have never suffered once in their lives. This type of reading seems necessary to help bring us first down to Earth, and then together during divisive and chaotic (but also broadening and evolving) times.

I found this book when it popped up repeatedly in my wild and desperate searches to find ANY widely-read, non-fiction accounts of pre-war, wartime, orpost-war Korea written by somebody who is actually of Korean descent. This was the first content I'd located beyond blog entries, forums, and non-profit organizations' websites. Not to take away from blogs, forums, and organizations, but to I want to underscore what it means that not even my generation has managed yet to be the broker of our own afflictions or triumphs to impact the greater communities lying beyond our own little pockets. Meanwhile, we've done well showing the world about BB Cream, K-Pop, and electronics.

Elizabeth Kim begins with a spine chillingly clear account of her memories of witnessing her mother's honor killing as a toddler in 1950s Korea. The book goes on to detail the suffering of ostracization and rocks thrown at her mother and herself by village and family members prior to the murder, of being cooped up in filthy and inhumane cages at the supposedly god-loving orphanage run by white missionaries after the murder, growing up with sadistic treatment by fundamentalist Christian white adoptive parents in the American Southwest, being the object of the racism and ignorance of American schoolkids (some of whom, by 7th grade, knew how to tell jokes that claim that gooks have two pussies because they're all poor AND whores so can satisfy both needs), sexual and physical abuse by a husband she was arranged to marry at age 17, and so on.

This might have been almost intolerable just to go on reading, except for the indescribable self-possession and reflection in the voice that owns the narrative, imparts to the vexed reader an assurance that there is empowerment somewhere in all this...empowerment revealed in later stages through her ongoing journey into motherhood, a career as a journalist, and emotional healing...when it arrives, it's all the more inspiring because NOTHING is puppies and rainbows about it, absolutely nothing. The book ends with the reader still rooting for Kim, looking over our shoulders for her, and lying awake wondering for the first time what hundreds of thousands of people's stories died with either their demise or our obliviousness to their existence.

In writing a book about my father, a uniracial Korean man who was never adopted or granted education in Korea, I have found identification (or commiseration) in Koreans of all ages and racial "mixtures" who were "lucky enough" to be adopted "out of" Korea. This is the most dramatic voice from this group that shed light on an earlier era that would otherwise leave no human record.

Remembrance is exceedingly important because it calls upon both America AND all Korea to look back and acknowledge the atrocities that were inflicted on lost, unaccounted, and unwanted children whether "pure" Korean or biracial....and to confront the glaring fact that there were rarely happy endings after what kids whose existence was ever noted were airlifted out of hell by their supposed saviors. On the flip side, it calls us to honor the tolls that were paid to get us to here, and to be grateful for what improvements HAVE been made to humanity overall, and to continue encouraging us to push to do better.

My short term goals now are to hold up my own candle to the yawning chasm of missing Korean narratives of this time period with my own writing, and to buy copies of this incredible book and distribute it to as many people who read as possible. Long term, I am realizing that I want to devote my life to the endeavor of collecting, promoting, and mainstreaming Koreans' narrative and factual documentation of their own pasts, presents, and futures so as to open minds and hearts the way Elizabeth Kim's book and my father's life story has done for me.

Suffering is not original to any one group of people, but one might borrow Tolstoy's famous first line in Anna Karenina here and say that we all have suffered differently and deserve to be heard and respected.

Thank you, Elizabeth Kim, for being born, and for living to tell it.

Your true fan,
Jia

[Vikki Carter · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book had me crying, laughing, and left me exhausted by the last page. It is a honest and heartfelt account of her life, and the prejudice she faces. At no point does she ever feel sorry for herself, or act like a wounded party, she does not ask for pity. Her story is a testament to the strength of the human spirit when faced with such massive adversity. This book serves to teach us all a lesson, even if it's just that we should be grateful at all times for what we have.

[Monet The Book Sniffing Unicorn · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book gave me all the feels.

It was devastating, tragic, beautiful, infuriating, educational, emotional, relatable, empowering, and so much more.

I don't feel like I can write a review that would do it justice. But here it goes...

The story begins with an honor killing, sexual mutilation, abandonment, and an "orphanage".

Then moves on to a tragic adoption, radical fundamental Christian's, and borderline child abuse.

Then just when you think she'll be free of the tragedies, she finds herself falling into an abusive, at times almost deadly, marriage.

She finally breaks away with her daughter, only to find herself living in poverty and being sexually assaulted.

Just when you find your self emotionally drained and the author is at the point of suicide... something begins to change. There's a break in the trauma, she starts to find love and healing for herself.

The end was worth all of the tears it took to get there. This story is nothing short of a tragedy turned into a blessing. Moving is the best description I have after finishing this book.

Easily 5 stars 🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟

[Lynn Joshua · Rating 1 out of 5]

The first chapter is shocking and drew me into reading Kim's story, but the longer I read, the more I began to find most of the author's claims highly doubtful. There are too many questionable events, outright errors, and contradictions. Since there is no documentation given at all, I must conclude that Ms. Kim made up many of the details in this story. If she's really a journalist, she would know better than to claim her memoirs are the truth without any facts to back it up. As a novel, it fails also, because she just exploits stereotypes to tell a story without using the experiences of her main character to explore bigger issues.

[Erin · Rating 3 out of 5]

Such a sad book, but how often are memoirs truly happy? It was sad, and parts also made me angry. The author had a good writing style, but the ending just seemed sloppy and rushed. It's almost as if she put all her passion into describing her childhood and all the trials, and then when she started to learn about herself and what she needed, she seemed to lose interest in writing about it. I wasn't happy with the way she ended the book, it seemed as if she had given up about halfway through and didn't feel like making an effort towards a well written ending.

[Jacqueline · Rating 5 out of 5]

By the end of this year, Korea will have put a lid on international adoptions. This is sad news for everyone under the age of 45 outside Korea who wants to adopt children, but it's great news for Korean babies born out of wedlock, because it means they can be adopted internally. Many people know the background behind Chinese adoptions - one child per family; girls valued less; babies put in parks to be found. Korea's backstory is very different; the issue here is born-out-of-wedlock status. It's much more of a social blot in Korea than it ever was in the U.S. Such was the case with my son Harry, but he fared much better in 2002 than did his counterparts after the Korean War.

Elizabeth Kim never knew her father; an American soldier who returned home after the war. Not only was she illegitimate; she was half-Caucasian. Her mother's family tried to talk her mother into getting rid of her into slavery. When the mother refused, she was executed in her own home in an "honor killing" by her own father and brother. Young Elizabeth watched the killing from her hiding place inside a basket in which her mother had placed her, knowing her own death would come.

The little girl was warehoused in a horrible orphanage, adopted by an American family, and physically abused in her new home. She went from her parents' house directly to an abusive marriage. Somehow she literally walked away from that marriage with her infant daughter in her arms.

As I said, things are different fifty years later. Harry, though born of a middle-school dropout and her absent boyfriend, was fostered by a loving family who never let his tailbone touch a hard surface, and who grieved and mourned loudly for him when he rode off to the airport after being blessed in a ceremony by the doctor who delivered him.

[Jill Smith · Rating 5 out of 5]

Elizabeth Kim is a journalist who relates her survival in Korea and horrific experience in a post-war Seoul orphanage, to be adopted by an American family. On the surface this would seem to be a tragic tale with a happy ending

As an illegitimate mixed blood baby born into a small village in Korea she and her mother were ostracised from the community, but her mother ‘Omma’ taught her to be respectful and bow. She did not understand why no one in the village spoke to them or why they spat or threw things at them. Her mother always told her that life was made up of ten thousand joys and ten thousand sorrows. Although they were poor she was greatly loved and given the belief that everything is possible.

This belief was to sustain a small child through horrendous torment as she watched her mother killed in a ritual ‘honour killing’ committed by her grandfather and uncle. Then she was dumped into an orphanage where she lived like a caged animal in inhuman conditions with other terrified children. Then seemingly miraculously she was removed from this place and taken on a journey with a kind man to another country. This should have been her salvation but being raised by a staunchly religious family and arriving not even speaking the same language was equally harrowing.

The young girl became a woman always trying to fit into the society surrounding her and never quite succeeding. Her humiliation by her parents to make her a worthy person because she wasn’t quite Asian and not quite American, followed by her marriage to a sadistic and unfaithful man all parts in the puzzle that became her life. There are some books that leave an indelible mark on your subconscious. This is one such work. Truth can be stranger than fiction as this book demonstrates.

[Josie · Rating 3 out of 5]

Exquisite courtesy
That you should see me
Immeasurable grace
For you to believe
That I, the faceless child of darkness
Could enter into hallowed halls of love
Could touch, and find no shame in touching.
could hope, and find hope not in vain.
A peace beyond my understanding
Has fallen on my head like gentle rain.

Elizabeth Kim from her book 'Ten Thousand Sorrows'

[Annie Booker · Rating 4 out of 5]

Heartbreaking story about a brave little girl who fought to make a new life in a stern and unforgiving new world.

[Hazel McHaffie · Rating 4 out of 5]

'I don't know how old I was when I watched my mother's murder, nor do I know how old I am today,' Elizabeth Kim writes. The illegitimate daughter of a Korean peasant girl and an American GI she was regarded as a non-person. Her story - of her beginnings, of her time in an orphanage, of her adoption by a fanatically religious American couple, of her struggle to survive ('I live on the lip of insanity') - make harrowing reading. But the book is compelling nonetheless, and is ultimately a story of triumph against all odds. I wanted to surround her with ten thousand joys.

[Erin · Rating 2 out of 5]

I found a copy of this book in a charity store - cover pristine, pages untouched but sun-stained yellow. There was a note scrawled in biro on the first page - a gift, purchased probably more than 20 years ago and left to gather dust on a shelf unread, I assume. I find memoirs very hit and miss, but in a bit of a poetic coincidence considering the contents of the book, I couldn't leave behind the precious little face on the cover, so I paid my $4 and took this book home.

I feel oddly terrible about giving it such a low rating. I just don't feel like this was a book that should have been written when, why or how it was written. From what meager information I can find about the origins of the book, the writer produced this book at the urging of an editor she had networked with through her job as a journalist. Rather than being something produced of her own initiative, because she was ready and she had a story to tell, it seems like something that the author was pressured to painfully push out, understandably lured by a hefty publishing deal. And it reads that way too.

The book is long, rambling, and full of pain. To me, it tells the half-finished story of someone who has immensely suffered but is only just beginning to realise the depths of her pain, rather than someone who has emerged from the other side and had enough time and growth to truly reflect. It doesn't really feature much in the way of structure or story telling. It's so vague with any detail - we have no idea when or where anything is happening, barely any idea what age the writer might be at any given moment. She doesn't give names of any place or any person besides her daughter. The back third of the book talks a lot about healing but really doesn't detail at all how this was happening. It's just a lot of feelings, endless talk about feelings, but being able to accurately identify feelings is not self-awareness or healing. It's opening the door and stepping outside - a beginning of a journey, but not a journey in and of itself.

The book doesn't necessarily feel fabricated, but it doesn't feel honest either. The author claims at "kindergarten age" to have learned fluent English in less than a week and the piano in less than a month, and at that same age to have been made responsible for looking after the entire house - cooking, cleaning, etc. I do not think this is realistically possible for any child of that age, but I also don't think she's intentionally lying. Many aspects of this book feel less like intentional lies and more like grains of truth distorted by pain, time and wounded pride. Small lies she's maybe told herself to self-soothe, self-punish or to protect herself over the years that have become, for her, indistinguishable from the truth. This continues throughout the book - such as when she's talking about her experiences as a journalist later on. She positions herself in the centre of stories where her presence makes no sense - cradling victims of gun violence as they lay dying, soothing them in their final moments the way she wanted to soothe her mother. If a journalist is there, where are the police? Paramedics? Why is she stroking their faces and not giving them first aid? The book has lots of these moments of grandiosity and fantasy that don't even feel like purposeful fabrications so much as delusion; a Potemkin village she's subconsciously built around her own understandably fragile, injured ego.

The writer is very inwardly focused on her pain and not really able to spare a thought for the impact she might have on anyone else. It's clear that the writer, once an adult, is overly dependent on her own child to provide her with love and acceptance and a reason to live; in this way her daughter is responsible for her mother in a way that children aren't equipped to handle. I was surprised to find a few passages written by her adult daughter, which very gingerly touched on how difficult this was for her, and even more surprised that in turn, the writer didn't really acknowledge it in her own words or express any kind of remorse. She seems really quite spiteful towards just about everyone, besides her mother and her child, both of whom she elevates and idolizes. Everything is very black and white - people are heroes or villains and nothing in between. The kind of abuse she describes from her adoptive parents, her ex-husband etc - it does exist. But I find that rarely is anyone so cold and abusive consistently with no moments of humanity in between.

Again, I think that there are grains of truth that have become distorted and overblown, and other truths that have wilted and been forgotten. I don't think the writer has found enough peace or distance from her pain to tell a very rounded or multi-dimensional story about anything that happened to her. She mentions at some point that she's the victim of a rape during a violent home invasion - and I don't even consider that a spoiler as she casually mentions it in a single sentence then goes back to talking about something else. Blurting out feelings and shocking moments is not the same as being honest or vulnerable. Writing for catharsis is not the same as writing for an audience. And sometimes embellishing ones accomplishments and experiences only serves to diminish them, sadly.

I really would have loved for this book to have been written maybe 10 or 20 years later than it was. I'm not sure if the writer ever connected with her biological father, or returned to Korea, or learned Korean or managed to find her Korean family or learn anything about them. I assume not, or maybe she did and did not want to share it. But I think it would have made for a more satisfying read than the final section which was only emotional spiraling and self-hatred. I honestly just felt defeated in the end.

There's another memoir I read in the past year - Crying in H-Mart - that was written by another Korean-American woman. Now, they're really not comparable in that Michelle Zauner was not violently orphaned as a small child, and grew up in a different time and different environment. But like this book, it also examines the Mother Wound and the loss of one's cultural inheritance from a Korean-American perspective. There's a moment in Crying in H-Mart where Michelle makes kimchi on the kitchen floor and it's so...triumphant. It feels like a first gasp of air when you've been suffocating. And I waited and waited for a triumphant moment in Ten Thousand Sorrows but it doesn't really come. It tries but it doesn't feel like enough, when the book has been so full of the most endless grief; sometimes that feels more the unspoken truth of this book - every stray joy swallowed up in a sea of sorrows.

[Mandy · Rating 2 out of 5]

Okay, only two stars, but that is because these days this book would be shelved as mis-lit - and that is a genre I avoid, as although I have tons of sympathy for poeple who had to live through such awful times - I don't want to immerse myself in their experience as it is too distressing. I am pleased that the writers get to work through their experience by writing about it, I just don't really want to read about it in this format. I would prefer reading a historical account that would be less emotional.

There is nothing on the cover of this book to say it is an autobiography, and I had assumed that it was a novel, so I read the first third of this book - the story of the authors life in Korea, and the story of her adoption by an American couple, and when I realised that the authors life didn't improve after that, in fact, in many ways, got worse, I just dipped into pages here and there, follwing the rough outlines of the story to the end.

If you like mis-lit, this would be a good choice. If not, better skip it.

Oh, just to add that the poem at the front - in memory of her Mother, is the most wonderful thing.

[Mari Butler · Rating 5 out of 5]

Elizabeth Kim’s book is a shocking account of racism and abuse from the perspective of a mixed-race daughter of a Korean mother and American soldier. As a small child her mother has her hide when her grandfather comes to hang her mother for dishonoring their family. She listens through a basket where she is told to hide while her mother is forced to commit suicide. Later she is caged like an animal by a Christian adoption agency. She continues to suffer at the hands of her new parents who eventually force her to marry a violent deacon of the church. The themes of guilt and suicide prevail throughout the book. The narrator feels like she is destined to kill herself and struggles not to pass this on to her own daughter. The reader never gets the sense that the author feels sorry for herself even through all her abuse but it made me angry and sad. It stayed with me long after I read it. I would like to be able to write such a profound story without being immersed in self-pity.

[Marie]

I wrote a whole article on why this book seems too good to be true... because it's not true! Some of the stuff is even plagiarized from other work (by white people) that is also inaccurate. Publishing tries to give people what they want (even thru stereotypes) not necessarily what's real. Think of all the Oprah "too good" memoirs that turned out to be completely FAKE. Unfortunately there's a lot.

I greatly ADMIRE people who want to learn about other cultures and be warned that you may be consuming false stereotypes.

For anyone who wants to know why this book suddenly was withdrawn a few weeks after publication = also why perpetuates HARMFUL INACCURATE stereotypes about Korea:

https://lareviewofbooks.org/article/a...

[Jasmine · Rating 4 out of 5]

Never before have I felt so blessed to have this life. I'm blessed that I have parents who love me, and who would do anything for me. I'm blessed that I've been taught to love myself when others don't. I'm blessed because I'm safe in a world full of rape, abuse and honour killings. My heart broke countless times after remembering that this is a memoir and not a work of fiction. Elizabeth Kim experienced all of this, and here she tells her story. My heart goes out to her, a brave woman who finally found the courage to tell her story. And my heart goes out to all the women who have gone through similar experiences. I pray everyday that I don't fall prey to such a life.

4 stars.

[Daydream · Rating 5 out of 5]

Come può non essere bello un libro che racconta la vita di una donna straordinaria che con una gran forza d’animo supera tutte le sofferenze e le umiliazioni che le sono state inflitte? Abbandono, rifiuto, violenza fisica e psichica, ma alla fine riesce a conquistarsi una vita dignitosa e serena. "Diecimila dolori" è un proverbio buddista, racconta che nella vita di ogni essere umano accadrebbero diecimila gioie e diecimila dolori.
“Io ho ereditato questo senso di accettazione: da sempre ho creduto che tutti ciò che mi è accaduto, nel bene e nel male, era già stato scritto, doveva essere così. Andare contro il proprio fato era inutile; l’unica cosa era affidarsi a ciò che la vita aveva in serbo per te.”
Un libro che fa riflettere.

scritto il 21 mar 2009

[BEA · Rating 3 out of 5]

Una vita travagliata, una vita segnata, una vita distrutta dall’ignoranza e dalla cattiveria umana.

Una storia di coraggio, perché ci vuole più coraggio a cercare di sopravvivere combattendo con i propri demoni che ad abbracciare la morte.

[Vichta · Rating 5 out of 5]

Koreańska dziewczyna, którą wszyscy mieli za buntowniczkę. Anonimowy amerykański żołnierz. Owocem ich krótkiego związku była córeczka. Zbyt amerykańska, aby została zaakceptowana przez rodzinę i sąsiadów. Ale jej matce to nie przeszkadzało. Omma stworzyła dla siebie i córki maleńki, biedny, ale bezpieczny świat w starej, opuszczonej chacie na skraju wsi. Żyły tak sobie przez sześć lat. Aż w końcu rodzina postanowiła rozliczyć się z przeszłością i zmyć hańbę, którą została dotknięta. Ojciec i brat dziewczyny przybyli do chatki, powiesili dziewczynę, a jej córkę oddali do sierocińca. Tam żyła w klatce i była traktowana, jak zwierzę aż do momentu, kiedy pewna amerykańska para postanowiła ją adoptować. Wydawało się, że jej koszmary wreszcie się skończyły. Niestety, nie... Jej przybrany ojciec był pastorem kościoła fundamentalistycznego, a żona była mu całkowicie podporządkowana. W domu panowały bardzo surowe zasady. Mała dziewczynka, nie znająca języka, wychowywana w odosobnieniu, w całkowicie innej kulturze, musiała się do nich dostosować. Pragnęła tego za wszelką cenę, bo za niesubordynację spotykały ją wymyślne kary. Rodzice potrafili np. bić ją i nagrywać jej krzyki, a potem w nieskończoność odtwarzać nagrania. Elizabeth spełniała rolę sprzątaczki, kucharki i służącej, a i tak rodzice nie okazywali jej ani krzty miłości i akceptacji czy choćby zrozumienia. I tak minęło jej dzieciństwo, a potem wiek dojrzewania. Pojawił się kandydat na męża. Też duchowny tego samego kościoła. Elizabeth marzyła o tym, żeby wreszcie stworzyć prawdziwy dom, mieć dzieci i kochać je tak, jak kochała ją jej Omma. Ale mąż okazał się jeszcze gorszym tyranem, niż ojciec. Zdradzał ją, bił, dusił, aż do utraty przytomności, kazał spać w budzie razem z psem. Nie miała się komu poskarżyć, bo jedynym remedium na wszelkie problemy była... modlitwa. Musi być lepszą żoną, żeby zadowolić męża...
Podczas lektury ma się wrażenie, że to się nigdy nie skończy. Jest tylko mrok, noc, strach, bezsilność i brak nadziei. To jedna z najbardziej smutnych i dołujących historii, jakie czytałam. A najgorsze jest to, że wydarzyła się naprawdę. To, co opisuje w swoich książkach Cathy Glass, to bułka z masłem w porównaniu z historią Elizabeth. Taki literacki "dementor", który wysysa z czytelnika całą radość, nadzieję i optymizm...
Jednak Elizabeth bardzo powoli odbudowała swoje życie z ruin. Bardzo pomogła jej w tym córka, która jest też autorką kilku wstawek w tekście książki. Przez wiele lat żyła przygotowana na samobójstwo matki, które mogło nastąpić w każdej chwili.
Książkę czytałam dawno temu, a teraz do niej wróciłam.
Bardzo, bardzo polecam. Ale liczcie się z tym, że wylejecie dużo łez podczas lektury...
"Omma mawiała, że życie składa się z dziesięciu tysięcy radości i dziesięciu tysięcy smutków" (tytuł oryginału: Ten thousand sorrows)

[Babs · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is an interesting little book, detailing the life of "Elizabeth" Kim, born to a Korean mother and American GI father. Brandished a honhyol (a "non-person") because of her mixed race, her early life was filled with jeers and abuse from the other villagers where Elizabeth and her mother lived in relative isolation. When she was a young girl, her mother was killed by her father and brother in an "honour killing" for bringing shame on the family. Elizabeth escaped a life of slavery and was instead sent to an orphanage in Seoul.

The orphanage, run by missionaries, was in an appalling state of repair, and the children spent most of their days in "cages" lined along the edges of the main room of the orphanage. There was lttle food, and no love shown to the children living there. When she was about 6 years old, "Elizabeth"" (as no-one knew her real name, this was a given name) was adopted by an American couple who were christian fundamentalists, and was taken to live in the American West.

This book thus follows a life of abuse meted out with the name of god, and Elizabeth's subsequent abusive marriage and escape into relative freedom.

However traumatic the tale in this book is, unfortunately it is not one I haven't heard before. With the recent rise in "childhood abuse" memoirs such as Dave Pelzer's A Boy Called "It" or Julie Gregory's Sickened, it is a genre which all too readily pulls at the heart strings. That said, I was also incredibly angry in places with Elizabeth's behaviour. She was so "accepting" of her parents' behaviour, even when she was an adult she didn't rebel against them. And her treatment of her own daughter made me so angry. She clearly cannot see that the emotional pressure she put on her own daughter - making a "pact" that she wouldn't kill herself until her daughter was a teenager - is tantamount to the same level of emotional abuse her own parents put her through.

I found this a book of emotional highs and lows, and while there wasn't a nice neat "conclusion" or "answer" at the end of the book - probably because Kim herself hasn't reached her own conclusions on what has happened - I did find it an interesting and engaging book to read.

[PeePee L · Rating 4 out of 5]

What a devastatingly good book. This was written so well and was filled with so much emotion. The reminiscent of Elizabeth Kim's past was heartbreaking but as she continued to write it did show that there is light at the end of the tunnel. Although only knowing her mother for a limited amount of time, the author was able to describe her in so much love and thought. I do have to say that I felt the ending to be a bit rushed, I understand that the author is still continuing on her journey and it will never fully be finished, but I think the entry into growth could have been described even further. But I did love the integration of songs and poems, her own daughter's words, and the ability to be so vulnerable with these traumatic events, it was truly so well written.

[Yukio Nagato · Rating 4 out of 5]

Wow! I thought I had it tough! Ms. Kim had it rough from birth and pretty much most of her life. Since I'm also "a half" from a GI like Kim, I know pretty much what she went through although I experienced it across the sea from Korea in Japan. Fortunately, I wasn't considered a "non-person" like she was but the preconceived notion of not belonging is something I can easily relate to. Although, I was born in Japan and could only speak Japanese when I was a small kid almost everyone my mother and I came across talked about me as if I was a curio of some kind. Often loads of very personal questions from strangers would often ensue. (In fact, they still do at times.)

When Kim moved to California about a decade before I did, she had the bad luck of being adopted into a hardcore Christian fundamentalist family which prolonged her misery even more. They injected more psychological damage that she'd have to exorcise later in life.

I really liked this book except for some of the descriptions of her therapy, which I felt went on a little too long. Although our experiences were similar in some ways, I'm grateful that mine were much less severe than hers, in both Asia and in the US. I hope she finds further happiness and will one day find ultimate happiness with her Omma.

[Arlene · Rating 2 out of 5]

Another reader described this book as MisLit and I must agree. It is a story of the misery of a young girl who is the product a liason between an American GI and a Korean woman during the Korean Conflict. She is considered a Non Person in Korea and is sent to an orphanage after her grandfather and uncle take part in an Honor Killing of Elizabeth's mother. And it just gets worse and worse. I truly feel sorry for people with tragic lives but I just have problems reading about it. Like the Glass Castle by Jeannette Wells, I have to wonder how true to fact a child's perception of their young life really is. Elizabeth says she learned to speak English in a week after her arrival in the US in order to please her parents. I just have a hard time believing this! But I must say the book is aptly named and if you like Mis Lit, this one is for you. I chose to read this book because I am reading around the world in our library challenge and this book was set in Korea. The reading challenge has certainly encouraged me to break out of my reading comfort zone. I have read some really good books and some books that I had to force myself to finish!

[أثير · Rating 3 out of 5]

A memoir of an illegitimate daughter of a Korean peasant and an American soldier born post the Korean war. Mixed children were not considered humans at that time and were socially outcasted by their society. Not long before have Elizabeth witnessed her mother’s murder in an “Honour Killing” while trying to save her daughter from being taken as a slave. Then Elizabeth was dumped into a missionary orphanage in Seoul where circumstances weren’t very pleasant.
But the story doesn’t end here, Elizabeth then was adopted by a fundamentalist American family who abused her physically and mentally.

I have mixed feelings about this book. It started with an interesting intro to Kim’s story back in Korea, her unpleasant childhood memories in the US and her questioning fundamentalist Christianity . However, towards the end it felt as if the author lost the will to write.

[Holly · Rating 4 out of 5]

Powerful book. Elizabeth's bravery to put her pain out in print is to be commended. Many don't seem to want to believe it - but I think they don't WANT to believe it. As an adoptee and adoptive parent, it resonated with me in some very deep ways. My fundamental upbringing along with abuse from an adoptive parent allowed me to understand much of her issues - although I did not have the horrible experience of an orphanage. But my young daughter has; hopefully not as hideous as Elizabeth's caging.

People seem to be shocked that this type of abuse happens, all in the name of Christ - but it does. Like her, Buddhism and it's philosophy has given me the peace I've needed.

I appreciate her voice, and more importandly her bravery of putting herself out there in print. Namaste, Elizabeth.

[Barb Bailey · Rating 3 out of 5]

Elizabeth Kim was the offspring of a Korean mother and American father during or right after the Korean War.
Because her parents were not married Elizabeth at about age 4 years was witness to her mothers' honor killing.
She then is placed in an orphanage in Soule.After a few months Elizabeth is adopted by American parents. Unexpectedly her story does not get much better.Elizabeth feels less than, is ridiculed, physically and mentally abused......her childhood is not plesant or happy. Although well written this book it is very sad and depressing. The fact that Elizabeth was able to write her story and get it published is proof that the human spirit is resilant

[Jaanika · Rating 4 out of 5]

It is even a little bit weird how this book was so easy and hard to read at the same time. It was very fluent but content of the book - real life and memories of the author - was hard to digest.

Author analyzed different parts of her life and still stayed quite neutral despite of taking blaming manner in writing.
The book gives quite good example of people who use religion for justifying their sadistic actions. It doesn't matter what is the religion or where you live, it it is the people who should look inside themselves not into religion.

If you like mis-lit and autobiographies, then this book is excactly for you!

[Janna · Rating 3 out of 5]

Reading this autobiography by Elizabeth Kim, was another reminder of how "man" can be so downright cruel to each other and for so many reasons. We see some form of cruelty everyday.

Although I had lot of compassion for Elizabeth and hated the dreadful things that occurred to her, I really did not particularly enjoy reading this book but also at the same time I needed to continue to find out how things turned out.

While writing her life story it seems she has been able to finally put her past where it belongs.

[Jenn · Rating 4 out of 5]

What do I say? My fiancé warned me that if I kept getting angry with the things discussed in the book he'd take it away from me. That would have been a good idea.

How can human beings be so stupid and so cruel? Elizabeth is an amazingly strong woman and I marvel at how well she brought up her daughter. Her foster parents, on the other hand, should be shot; regardless of how they repented later.

[Tuckleton · Rating 5 out of 5]

Books don't generally make me cry. As I listened to this on audio tape, I was weeping so hard, I had to stop where I was and recover.

It is a beautiful simple tale of life in the global world. Utterly fascinating. Well written. Easy to read.

Thank you for sharing.