The Eating Instinct: Food Culture, Body Image, and Guilt in America

by Virginia Sole-Smith

An exploration, both personal and deeply reported, of how we learn to eat in today’s toxic food culture

Food is supposed to sustain and nourish us. Eating well, any doctor will tell you, is the best way to take care of yourself. Feeding well, any human will tell you, is the most important job a mother has. But for too many of us, food now feels dangerous. We parse every bite we eat as good or bad, and judge our own worth accordingly. When her newborn daughter stopped eating after a medical crisis, Virginia Sole-Smith spent two years teaching her how to feel safe around food again―and in the process realized how many of us are struggling to do the same thing.

The Eating Instinct visits kitchen tables around America to tell Sole-Smith’s story and the stories of women recovering from weight-loss surgery, of people who eat only nine foods, of families with unlimited grocery budgets and those on food stamps. Every struggle is unique, but Sole-Smith shows how all are also products of our modern food culture―and they’re all asking the same question: How did we learn to eat this way? Why is it so hard to feel good about food? And how can we make it better?

Genres: Nonfiction, Food, Health, Parenting, Psychology, Memoir, Audiobook

304 pages, Hardcover

First published November 13, 2018

About the author

Virginia Sole-Smith has reported from kitchen tables and grocery stores, graduated from beauty school, and gone swimming in a mermaid’s tail. Her writing has appeared in the New York Times Magazine, Harper’s, Elle and others. Sole-Smith writes the popular Substack newsletter Burnt Toast and hosts the Burnt Toast Podcast. She lives in New York’s Hudson Valley with her husband, two daughters, a cat, a dog, and too many houseplants.

Reviews

[Diane S ☔ · Rating 4 out of 5]

"Food is supposed to sustain and nurture us. Eaing well, any doctor will tell you, is the most important thing you can do to take care of yourself. Feeding well, any human will tell you is the most important job a mother has, especially in the first months of her child's life. But right now, in America, we no longer think of food as sustenance or nourishment. For many of us food feels dangerous. We fear it, We regret it. And we categorize everything we eat as good or bad."

When her daughter was born with a heart condition, needing multiple surgeries, feeding tubes, she realized her daughter did not know how to eat, enjoy food. She felt she had failed in the most important duty of motherhood. Even once the feeding tube was removed, they had a slow journey towards regarding food as enjoyable. This prsked her interest in how food is viewed by many, and in multiple interviews she takes us through the ever changing role of what we eat.

The different diet crazes, health advice that is ever changing, the emotional connection to food and the many food related illnessess. The pressure of a media that promotes thinness, a culture that thinks if one gets I'll they have not eaten correctly. Food and food related books, diets, supplements has become a mega business worth billions. it is in their favor if they can keep us off balance, constantly searching for the new and improved cure all. For many eating is no longer enjoyable, it has become challenging and pressurized. We have forgotten the instinct, and no longer listen to our body, which can and will, if we let it,ctell us when and how much to eat. Our own control has been diverted and control given over to others.

Quite an informative read, well done and well presented.

ARC from Netgalley.

[Thomas · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.5 stars

A varied set of essays about food culture and people’s difficulties with eating. There was a lot of focus on children who struggle with food and eating, which I wasn’t expecting though I found interesting and compelling. Virginia Sole-Smith addresses a variety of topics, including orthorexia and how “healthy” eating can turn disordered, disparities between Black and white adults in food access, and bariatric surgery. Sole-Smith is a smart writer and I was engaged by each essay, though I think I wanted more of a central thesis or an even deeper analysis behind these pieces. Even a deeper dive into intuitive eating would have been interesting or helpful in the context of the other pieces in this book. Still, it’s nice to see Sole-Smith’s growth as a writer with her newer book Fat Talk and I’d recommend this one for those who are interested in its synopsis.

[Vida · Rating 2 out of 5]

I read most of this book before putting it down. Despite it's title leading one to believe it's about the majority of American society, it makes statements about the general society, but the individual stories it focuses on are more extreme situations. The strongest part was the very first section, which deals with the author's own situation of her daughter who required a feeding tube for the first two years of her life. The other sections weren't as good, and I got increasingly disinterested in the author's way of presenting things as I read on. She provides some evidence in her writing, but often uses annoying stereotypes that I don't think are helpful (like crunchy urban yoga mom). She also constantly talks about healthy eating as the "alternative-foodie movement." I found her insistence that cooking from scratch and not eating processed foods as some alternative "foodie" lifestyle rather annoying. Isn't this how people ate for most of human history? She also makes constant snide remarks about chard, quinoa, flax seeds, and kale as things that no one really wants to eat but are supposed to be good for you. Kale to her seems to be the pinnacle of this ("consider kale as Exhibit A: Today it's thought of as the whitest, most hipster of all vegetables"). Infused in her comments seemed to be the idea that no one likes these things, people just really want to eat processed foods, but the "alternative-foodie movement" wants us to so we buy it and pretend we like it. She makes comments about organic a lot - often in a disparaging way: "we buy organic blueberries at eye-watering prices" and "we need to know how our meat was raised and where our chickens laid their eggs." "As part of the quest to fight obesity, save American farming, and teach everyone to appreciate Swiss chard, the alternative movement" etc. It's as if to her, organic is simply something people do to fit into a category or because they feel they are supposed to because their friends are, and doesn't seem to think that they may have ethical questions with widespread use of industrial chemicals being used on the food we eat. She raises some good points, but as a nonfiction work it really feeds rather weak. She also doesn't offer any solutions. I was expecting a better book.

[roxi Net · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was at times a heart-breaking book to read with emotional stories that mention issues of eating that had never crossed my mind. In truth, I was expecting a much different book than what I read. This was much more personal rather than numbers and facts. It's made me think about eating in other contexts outside of health and body image -- to the very core of what it means to be a live human being.

[Rachel (TheShadesofOrange) · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.0 Stars
This was a timely piece of non fiction that explored the different ways that people struggle to eat. From classic eating disorders to people with food fears, this book felt very comprehensive and well researched. I especially appreciated that the author acknowledged thin white privilege and addressed many of the food related barriers that minorities, those in larger bodies and poor people face on a daily basis. I would highly recommend this book to anyone interested in learning more about the problematic, toxic aspects of modern nutrition and diet culture.

[Viivi · Rating 4 out of 5]

Interesting listen. Would recommend this audiobook to my fellow slp’s to be who want to work in feeding and swallowing :)

[Mehrsa · Rating 4 out of 5]

Some parts of this book were fascinating--Sole-Smith takes a tour of modern eating disorders and what they reveal about society and our relationship to food. It's not the standard eating disorders she discusses that are the most interesting, but those where people only eat white foods or can only eat like 3 acceptable foods. She also has a small section on race and class and diet culture, which I found to be interesting. Ultimately, I wanted more analysis, but I do think there's a nub of further research in this article--in a time of food abundance and selfies, how has our relationship to food and bodies changed?

[Mes Valatie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Brilliant discussion of how our relationship with food is so fragile in the current toxic diet culture and the importance of coming to a healthy understanding of this relationship for ourselves and our families. The prose is fine and resonates both intellectually and emotionally. Couldn’t put it down

[Chloe (Always Booked) · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was so interesting but not what I expected at all. This is about feeding/eating disorders and difficulties including ARFID, food desserts/disparities, weight loss surgery, etc. I would say the moral of the story is to ignore culture and doctor's biases and listen to your body. We nd a big cultural shift and I hope I get to see it some day.

[Aurora Dimitre · Rating 3 out of 5]

Meh.

[Heather~ Nature.books.and.coffee · Rating 3 out of 5]

RTC

[Gabi · Rating 5 out of 5]

should be required reading for moms across america

[Pamela · Rating 5 out of 5]

Me gustó mucho como se aborda el tema en el libro, y las historias que narran. Tantas cosas que no pensamos de cómo vemos nuestra salud y apariencia como intercambiables.

[Jennifer · Rating 4 out of 5]

Excellently researched and very thought-provoking. A strong recommendation from Sherrie and a great addition to my body image research project. I'd never thought about eating instincts before but a lot of her research lined up with my experience trying programs, losing weight, gaining it back, and learning that WW snack cakes were lower points than actual fruit. My takeaways from it are that it's even more important to have a better relationship with my body to understand the cues. And also to stop apologizing or explaining what I eat to other people.

[Erin Ching · Rating 5 out of 5]

I enjoyed the chapters on clean eating and breastfeeding because these conversations come up in my world all the time, and the chapters on low-income eating and bypass surgery because it was good to learn some new perspectives. I enjoyed the discussions on how we equate food with morality, and how closely food is tied to emotions (and questioning whether this is a bad thing).

But what i really LOVED about this book was the tube feeding and picky eating chapters. I also have a child with a background of medical trauma and 5 years on a feeding tube (followed by a continuing very difficult relationship with food), and this book just NAILS what that experience feels like. I could've written so many of these moments (if i was anything close to the writer and thinker that this author is, haha). It was painful to read and also beautiful to feel so understood. Thanks to the author for writing this and i would highly highly recommend it to any other parents of children who have had a feeding tube or who have otherwise had an unusually difficult relationship to food.

[Sarah · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book came to me at the perfect time. It explores what it means to raise an eater (and be an eater) in modern society. Food is complicated, culture is complicated, and how do we help our children successfully navigate all of that when so many of us are struggling ourselves? I loved how her personal narrative of her daughter's challenges was woven in with research. She doesn't shy away from big topics, with chapters on food and race, picky eating in adults, weight loss surgery, and more. Highly recommend.

[Emily Duchon · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5

[Kate · Rating 4 out of 5]

Uff! A really enjoyable read that covers a vast array of topics regarding how we eat, why we eat what we do, and what food means to us culturally and psycho socially. Plus, it didn’t complete bypass the topic of privileged eating and what disadvantages people face. Ya girl LOVES a well rounded, intersectional book 🤘🤘🤘

[Shayna Brown · Rating 5 out of 5]

I LOVED this book! It explores how early trauma impacts people's attitude/relationship toward food; the impact of culture, socioeconomic status, and race on food choice and body acceptance; and what are we really trying to accomplish when we set food rules for ourselves.

A very positive book that leads readers to dig deeper into their choices and opinions around food choices, and in doing so, maybe help them to release some fear and judgement.

[Sara · Rating 4 out of 5]

The author, began to re-evaluate her ideas about food when her baby daughter suffered a medical trauma that made her stop eating for two years due to oral aversion. The work of getting her child to feel safe and happy with food again, and her own responses to that process, led her to research US food culture, particularly the disordered diet and wellness cultures that rely on restrictive external rules for eating, rather than internal cues related to pleasure, comfort, and satiety. She finds that nutrition and wellness experts are often just as conflicted about food as anyone else, and some are struggling with eating disorders of their own. Her arguments are a little vague in spots, but this is a book I'd recommend to most people!

[Michelle · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.5 I'm a foodie and that I actually have to think about my food/eating in a different way as I age (i.e. think at about it in a negative way) is almost painful. I wanted this book to address my issues, and they did briefly, but there were lots of anecdotes that were of very different scenarios. The child scenarios were definitely ones parents may find more interesting than I did. But the food morality bit was good & thought-provoking and the last chapter was pretty powerful.

[Jan Lynch · Rating 4 out of 5]

An informative, engaging book that examines American attitudes toward food, diet, health, and body size. Particularly interesting are the discussions of the Health at Every Size movement, social justice issues around diet, and weight stigma. I imagine that most American eaters could find their attitudes or habits illustrated somewhere in these pages. For anyone interested in reading about eating, The Eating Instinct is a good pick.

[K.J. Dell'Antonia · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was so satisfying. For me, it ticked all the boxes: a) is fascinating and readable and b) will make you think about why you’re about to eat what you’re about to eat in a whole new way. Here's what it won't do--help you lose weight, specifically. It will give you amazing new insight into how you became the eater you are, though--and how you influence your kids. I loved it.

[Susan · Rating 5 out of 5]

An interesting read. Very thought-provoking. Would have loved a solution at the end, but I know if there was an easy one, we'd already have heard it. Clearly a complicated issue, which is why hoping for a simple solution is probably in vain. Still gives you a lot of insight into different food issues and a lot to mull over.

[Jed Sorokin-Altmann · Rating 2 out of 5]

I found this book disappointing--the chapters do not form a cohesive work (it comes across as more of a collection of short non-fiction pieces); and Sole-Smith seems to focus on extreme examples rather than a holistic/overall look at what the title promised (food culture, body image, and guilt in America).

[Jonna Higgins-Freese · Rating 4 out of 5]

I have to shamefully confess that I felt impatient with the first part of this book; in theory I would never want any part of parenting to be a contest for the best or the worst, but Sole-Smith's daughter's mild and relatively rapidly resolved feeding disorder, narrated in catastrophic terms, was a bit hard to get through for me, having dealt with a much more severe and long-term feeding disorder.

I did appreciate the way in which Sole-Smith reframed much of the rhetoric around eating, searching for people's real experiences beyond hype.

Living in Iowa City, some folks consider Terry Wahls a minor saint, so it was helpful (because I am biased against ideologues of every stripe), to hear one of the people Sole-Smith profiles (Anna) point out that healing from Progressive MS is "not a thing" (Wahls has since changed the title). More importantly, the person who tried to follow the diet found herself feeling much worse, not better - and then blamed herself for not following it correctly (this is how diets always work).

Anna also shared her experience attending a conference on eating disorders (as a professional in the field) in a scooter and being completely ignored/unseen -- even in a session in which the presenter asked for experiences of people "appraising their bodies or noticing them differently." Anna was too ashamed to speak up. "[this story] speaks to how widespread body anxieties are within the wellness industry -- even among eating-disorder therapists, whom you might expect to be the most enlightened on these questions. And if therapists, dietitians, coaches, and other so-called diet experts are uncomfortable with body diversity, or perhaps feeling bad about their own bodies, we should consider how this skews the advice they give us about what and how to eat" (58).

Food Psych Podcast

Nutritionists and doctors are just as susceptible to weight bias as anyone else -- perhaps more, if their own anxieties are triggered by the work. Christy Harrison tells of being in nutrition school and being asked to weigh herself with a partner and take body measurements -- all of which turned out to be above the numbers on the charts, despite the fact that she is not a large person and had only been at those measurements "during her periods of greatest restriction." (59)

Nutrition students have a higher prevalence of eating disorders than others (60) and no effort is made to screen them out. All training is focused on acute care settings and calories versus "what everyday people are struggling with out in the real world" (60).

Anorexics and those who maintain weight loss long term have similar patterns: "restrict their food intake for years; both have lower resting metabolisms and higher levels of ghrelin, a hormone that signals hunger, than control groups, and they they are somehow able to override that biology to maintain a significant weight loss. Btu rather than asking whether this means folks on the National Weight Control Registry are perhaps also undiagnosed anorexics, the paper's authors see these similarities as fertile ground for future study, which could lead to new and improved interventions for weight loss." (62).

Nutritionists focus on good food/bad food and try to find the right foods to heal constipation, bloating, stomachaches -- but these conditions often co-occur with eating disorders, and both populations have high rates of depression and anxiety. And folks do it because they are seeking "a way to feed ourselves that makes sense. That feels simple and right. That doesn't make us feel guilty about everything we put into our bodies." (65).

There's a great chapter about people who will only eat certain foods they've eaten before, and tend to prefer foods that taste exactly the same every time. One mom told I story to which I could relate, of listening to another mom wax poetic about breastfeeding her baby, offering a range of foods - and now she eats sushi or whatever, while Kate's daughter will eat only pizza pockets and mac and cheese (88). Another child eats just 11 foods (91).

In discussing clean food movement in low-income communities, "the question is whether absorbing the alternative-food movement's brand of clean, whole eating ahs actually helped women like Sherita and Tianna - or introduced them to a new set of unattainable standards, drven by diet culture, now wearing organic farmer's overalls" (143).

The "Eating While Black" chapter outlines the ways in which white foodies colonize black communities all over again -- with the gospel of kale, which was part of a foodway invented and sustained by black slaves and farmers. How Alice Waters erases the history of Edna Lewis, a black woman who wrote _The Taste of Country Cooking_ and is enjoying a renaissance. "Farm-to-table cuisine wasn't invented in Berkeley in the 1970s," Shakirah says. "But we have this cultural amnesia that allows all these white narratives around 'good food' to exist." (150).

She also outlines the history of school lunches -- the food-based Type A meal system -- meat, grain, dairy, fruit or veg, 2 pats of butter. The guidelines then changed to a nutrition-based system that led to more processed foods, as the manufacturers took on the responsibility of making sure the requirements were met. And then in the 90s, there was a cap on fat, which meant that to maintain calories, whole white milk was replaced with strawberry and chocolate, and desserts were added (165).

Gives the example of Rebel Crumbles, a school lunch product designed by and for kids, which contains more sugar than experts consider desirable -- "for a movement that has organized itself around a series of gurus and their philosophies and rules, that part might not be so simple. It speaks to so many bigger cultural needs, like the need to separate messages about thinness as a beauty ideal from conversations about diabetes and blood pressure, and to accept that people who don't look like our picture of health can still be authorities on their own bodies. The need to stop viewing processed foods as not-foods and start understandign teh significant roles they play in people's lives. And the need to end the white savior model of food activism and replace it with something more authentic" (167).

Deb Burgard, PhD, HAES co-founder, "our culture's fixation weight loss is discriminatory and entirely the wrong way to go about improving public health. '[Bariatric surgeons] don't understand the trauma faced by people living in higher-weight bodies and they are not thinking about their role in that trauma. They just see a fat body as proof of an out-of-control hunger, and believe that getting rid of that hunger is the solution. But why would never experiencing hunger be a good thing" (176).

Only about 3% of Americans have binge eating disorder, but 68.5% of Americans are classified as overweight or obese. "it's a crude mischaracterization to assume that being overwheight is only about eating too much. Genetics, biology, psychology, socioeconomic status, and other environmental factors all contribute to body size. 'We know there are problably a hundred or more kinds of obesity, each with different causes and clinical charcteristics," say sLee M. Kaplan, director of Obesity, Metabolism, and Nutrition institute at MGH. "We have this fundamental misunderstanding that everyone should be close to the same weight, and therefore higher weight bodies can never be healthy and well regulated. But what if most people's bodies are regulating themselves fine, just at a wider variety of weights than we've been taught to consider acceptable" (178).

But the willpower misconception persists -- "contributes to our sense that being overwieght is dysfunctional and abnormal -- that the size of our body is proof that our eating is somehow hut of control, and that we'll only have a good life if we can conquer our hunger and lose the weight. Because we think hunger is bad and weight loss is good." (178)

"Diets don't work because they require us to live in a constant state of war with our bodies . . . " Dr. Sharma explains, "As soon as your body senses that there are fewer calories going in than going out, it harnesses a whole array of defense mechanisms to fight that" When we're dieting, our bodies try to conserve energy, so our metabolism slows down, the result being that you have to eat even less to keep losing weight. That becomes an increasingly difficult project because our bodies also produce more of the hormones, such as ghrelin, that trigger hunger. There is even some evidence that the bacteria in our guts respond when we eat fewer calories, shifting their populations in ways that will send more hunger signals to our brains" (182).

And this! "In June 1998, the NIH Obesity Task Force lowered the cutoff points for obesity. "Just like that, twenty-nine million Americans who had gone to be dwith normal, healthy bodies woke up th enext day and were fat. The task force had looked at all the same evidence as me and essentially thrown out the data." (189).

Yellow teeth are common among lung cancer patients -- but that doesn't mean a patient's teeth caused her lung cancer. "Just as having your teeth bleached won't improve your lung health, significant weight loss isn't the most logical tool if you want to lower your blood sugar or blood pressure." "The relationship between weight and health has been wildly exaggerated."

Gina doesn't think of how she's eating as a diet, but rather, as what works best for her body. "I truly believe there are no good foods or bad foods. Nothing is off limits. So if I want some ice cream, I have it. The difference is now I don't eat my feelings." (199).

"If you're doing these things because you're listening to your body, that's different from doing them to get your body down to a certain size" (200) "The hard part is telling the difference."

Diet industry's focus on separating emotions from eating - that eating should be all fuel -- may not make sense "the physical sensation of hunger _is_ emotional. Hunger triggers a huge range of feelings, depending on its severity -- excitement, irritability, weepiness, confusion. And eating brings more: pleasure, contentment, satisfaction, bliss. We cannot separate these things. I'm not sure that we should try" (217).

219- I find it hard to exist in today's judgmental food environment" (219)

"The whole thing of, it must be better if it's homemade" -- that' snot true for me; most stuff I buy is better than what I make at home" (222) . . . Karen tries to get dinner on the table while caught between the unattainable standards of our food culture and the reality of her family's rigid preferences. 'My relationships do not center on food . . . and I do not think that foo dis love" (223).

"Apologizing around food -- for our failure to make it good enough, healthy enough, for what we're choosing to eat, for what we're daring to serve others -- has become an important ritual in today's food culture" (224).

[Emily · Rating 4 out of 5]

" ... the ideal woman's body went from merely thin, to thin and impossibly toned, capable of running marathons, pretzeling into complex yoga positions, and breast-feeding a baby all at the same time."

"We are now so certain that every aspect of our health can be improved through diet, we can only blame ourselves when those diets fail. When cutting out gluten doesn't work, we move on to dairy, then soy. When we still don't feel better, we start reading about the evils of nightshade vegetables or peanuts. Still feel bloated, or tired, or lacking in energy--all impossible-to-quantify symptoms that may just reflect the unavoidable state of being mortal and not part superhero? Probably it's because you weren't careful enough about that gluten. Nutrition has become a permanently unsolvable Rubik's Cube."

"There's also no effort to screen dietetic students for eating problems, in the way that, say, psychology students are encouraged to be in therapy themselves. Yet several studies suggest that nutrition students have a higher prevalence of eating disorders than college students with other majors."

"And that leads to a certain hypocrisy: trying to treat a disease that's rooted in an obsession with body size by ... tracking body size."

"Food and love are inextricably linked in most families, but so are food and power."

"A study from the University of Washington found that junk food can cost an average of $1.76 per 1,000 calories, while more nutritious foods add up to $18.16 for the same amount."

[Diana · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 out of 5. I heard about this book on a talk show, and was immediately intrigued by it.

Growing up being told I needed to lose weight while at the same time being shown that I was loved by being fed, I've developed a complicated relationship with food, which some may be able to relate to. My relationship with food consisted of all kinds of feelings and motivations (eating for pleasure, eating for energy, eating to impress, eating to connect, eating to protect, eating to procrastinate/avoid, or just thinking about eating), mixed with various (sometimes conflicting) "rules" at different times of my life (counting calories, counting macros, counting the seconds until fasting window closes, or just don't eat). I am now at a place where I want to stop letting external factors tell me what I should eat and instead reconnect with my own eating instinct. I was hoping that this book would help me provide some insights as to how I could do that...

What the book mostly did, with lots of information and research, was confirm that our society's relationship food can be very convoluted. It opened my eyes to the "privilege" of being able to diet, the socio-economic disparity of nutrition, and the trauma people can have from food.

I've never experience the "Fear of Food" (chapter 4) that some of the people interviewed for this book had to go through which was pretty extreme and I definitely had to check some of my own biases... I could relate to a lesser extent having experienced preoccupations such as, tracking every gram of food I ate, meal planning 24/7 to ensure I meet my macros, and worried about what I can eat if I go out with people and if I should "pre-eat" first if there are no "good options" (I now know that part of the problem is labelling foods as "good" or "bad"...)

I am familiar with the "alternative food movements" (I completed 1/2 of a holistic nutrition program in an attempt to be part of this movement) and the "dark side" of the wellness industry (I have a love hate relationship there too), so chapter 2, "Chasing Clean", definitely resonated with me the most. In fact, I wish the author delved deeper into this topic.

Near the end, the book does offer this seemingly simple advice: "Eat the type and amount of food you want, when you want it. Recognize that all bodies are valuable and worthy of respect. Decide you can make choices for your health without making a moral judgment about your weight. View the goals of nutrition and a more sustainable food system as worthwhile, but no so all-encompassing that they should dictate how you behave at every meal".

Anyway, this review was a bit more personal than it needed to be, but if anyone has some book suggestions on intuitive eating or dealing with diet culture, I'd love to hear from you! Thanks!

[Cindy Dyson Eitelman · Rating 4 out of 5]

So It's our discomfort, and even disgust, with the "joy of eating" that frightens us. And that's because we've create a culture that tells us in a thousand ways from the time we first start solid foods, that this comfort cannot be trusted--that we cannot be trusted, to know what and how much to eat. We must outsource this judgement to experts who know better. First to our parents, then to teachers, then to food gurus and big brands, who sell us on diets, cleanses, food dogmas and lifestyle changes. We cede our knowledge, our own personal relationship with food, to an entire world built on the premise that we don't know how to feed ourselves.

She goes on to discuss (in engaging detail) how her own daughter's instinctual ability to feed herself will be eroded over the years by society--by the friends who put their barbie dolls on diets, by well-meaning warnings from parents. And then interviews a lot of people with strange and even scary relationships with food that control their lives.

I admired her research and her writing and her courage in taking on such a "fraught" topic. The stories are heartbreaking, mostly, but bring up issues we need to understand. But I take issue with her notion that we have an "instinctual ability" to feed ourselves. If we ever had such a thing, it's been lost in the 600,000 years of our evolution. We're not rats and haven't been for a long, long time. And I, for one, am at least two generations removed from a basic knowledge of how to find, grow, and cook nutritious food. I don't know--society doesn't know--experts don't even know.

[Rogers Smith · Rating 5 out of 5]

How many of us have been in restaurants with people who worry endlessly about what they can and cannot, should and shouldn't eat, taking forever to order, sending food back? How often have we seen parents haranguing their kids not to eat this, eat more of that, until meals become ordeals? Everyone is well intended, some concerns are justified; but food worries often get out of hand, in part because there are so many conflicting, anxiety-inducing messages about food in our society. Building on sometimes difficult lessons drawn from her own life and from many interviewees, Virginia Sole-Smith helps us all understand that we can and should let food be something that gives us enjoyment and nourishment, rather than a danger-filled arena in which to prove our virtue through self-denial.