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If You Love Me: A Mother's Journey Through Her Daughter's Opioid Addiction
Maureen Cavanagh’s gripping memoir If You Love Me is the story of a mother who suddenly finds herself on the frontlines of the opioid epidemic as her daughter battles—and ultimately reckons with—substance use disorder.
Fast-paced and heartwarming, devastating and redemptive, Maureen’s incredible odyssey into the opioid crisis—first as a parent, then as an advocate—is ultimately a deeply moving mother-daughter story. When Maureen and her ex-husband Mike see their daughter Katie’s needle track marks for the first time, it is a complete shock. But, slowly, the drug use explains everything—Katie’s constant exhaustion, erratic moods, and all those spoons that have gone missing from the house. Once Mike and Maureen get Katie into detox, Maureen goes to sleep that night hoping that in 48 hours she’ll have her daughter back. It’s not that simple.
Like the millions of parents and relatives all over the country—some of whom she has helped through her nonprofit organization—Maureen learns that recovery is neither straightforward nor brief. She fights to save Katie’s life, breaking down doors on the seedy side of town with Mike, kidnapping Katie outside a convenience store, and battling the taboo around substance use disorder in her picturesque New England town. Maureen is launched into the shadowy world of overcrowded, for-profit rehabilitation centers that often prey on worried parents. As Katie runs away from one program after another, never outrunning her pain, Maureen realizes that even while she becomes an expert on getting countless men and women into detox and treatment centers, she remains powerless to save her own daughter. Maureen's unforgettable story brings the opioid crisis out of the shadows and into the house next door.
Fast-paced and heartwarming, devastating and redemptive, Maureen’s incredible odyssey into the opioid crisis—first as a parent, then as an advocate—is ultimately a deeply moving mother-daughter story. When Maureen and her ex-husband Mike see their daughter Katie’s needle track marks for the first time, it is a complete shock. But, slowly, the drug use explains everything—Katie’s constant exhaustion, erratic moods, and all those spoons that have gone missing from the house. Once Mike and Maureen get Katie into detox, Maureen goes to sleep that night hoping that in 48 hours she’ll have her daughter back. It’s not that simple.
Like the millions of parents and relatives all over the country—some of whom she has helped through her nonprofit organization—Maureen learns that recovery is neither straightforward nor brief. She fights to save Katie’s life, breaking down doors on the seedy side of town with Mike, kidnapping Katie outside a convenience store, and battling the taboo around substance use disorder in her picturesque New England town. Maureen is launched into the shadowy world of overcrowded, for-profit rehabilitation centers that often prey on worried parents. As Katie runs away from one program after another, never outrunning her pain, Maureen realizes that even while she becomes an expert on getting countless men and women into detox and treatment centers, she remains powerless to save her own daughter. Maureen's unforgettable story brings the opioid crisis out of the shadows and into the house next door.
224 pages, Hardcover
First published September 4, 2018
87 people are currently reading
1840 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 157 reviews
November 15, 2018
This book got to me, and in a big way. I don't think one can be a parent, or any kind of caring person and not feel a deep connection, sympathy with this woman as she travels the emotional roads of her daughters heroin addiction. Not that this is written in a over dramatic fashion, but her love and pain can be felt on every page.
I have raised seven children, and we have dealt with many issues, but I feel so fortunate that none have been drug related, legal or otherwise. Not that we haven't been touched by tragedy, friends of one or another of my children, committing suicide or overdosing. It is all around us now. Last month I read American Overdose, have watched many television shows on the subject, but this one brought what has become a National epidemic, into sharp focus.
Maureen travels an emotional path she never thought she'd have to take. Feeling guilty, wondering what she could have done differently, noticed sooner, to love, sorrow and frustration as she tries to find the help Katie needs. She is a remarkable woman, fighting hard for her daughter, always telling her she loves her, before she has a startling insight. The addict needs to want to help herself. Over the course of three years she finds some remarkable people, learns to navigate her way around various detox facilities. Finds Facebook groups, starts her own group with a few other remarkable woman, all resources she shares within these pages. Fights the stigma that addictions, like mental illness are still seen by so many as a weakened character, not a disease.
A heArtbreaking read, but informative and written with the hope that sharing her story will help others.
I have raised seven children, and we have dealt with many issues, but I feel so fortunate that none have been drug related, legal or otherwise. Not that we haven't been touched by tragedy, friends of one or another of my children, committing suicide or overdosing. It is all around us now. Last month I read American Overdose, have watched many television shows on the subject, but this one brought what has become a National epidemic, into sharp focus.
Maureen travels an emotional path she never thought she'd have to take. Feeling guilty, wondering what she could have done differently, noticed sooner, to love, sorrow and frustration as she tries to find the help Katie needs. She is a remarkable woman, fighting hard for her daughter, always telling her she loves her, before she has a startling insight. The addict needs to want to help herself. Over the course of three years she finds some remarkable people, learns to navigate her way around various detox facilities. Finds Facebook groups, starts her own group with a few other remarkable woman, all resources she shares within these pages. Fights the stigma that addictions, like mental illness are still seen by so many as a weakened character, not a disease.
A heArtbreaking read, but informative and written with the hope that sharing her story will help others.
September 5, 2018
This is a story of hope steeped in unconditional love and focuses on a mother’s never ending anxiety, helplessness and utter devotion that leads her to become an advocate for her addicted daughter and the addicted children of others. It’s the brain not the upbringing that causes addiction. I can sum this up by saying that this is an account that needed to be told, a stigma that needs to be erased and an epidemic that needs to be solved. Unfortunately, I don’t have the answers but this narrative does much to illuminate a serious problem that affects so many.
September 2, 2018
This is an on point and important read about a woman’s story of having a daughter with a serious addiction problem. The mother got totally submerged in her daughter's addiction to the point that it was taking over her life and overwhelming her. It was affecting her relationship with her other children and the man she was dating and making her an anxious mess and she needed to get help to stop it from ruining her life.
She shares how she handled it, and how she became an advocate helping other parents and addicts in trouble in her area by starting an online group for others in the same position, that allowed them all to share and posting links for assistance. She learned eventually to better handle her daughter’s relapses, which were many, up to 40 or more, and to be able to take back her life to an extent so that she actually could have one again, and start living again. A very timely book, with a message of hope during the still dark times of so many people overdosing while answers are searched for. My thanks to #Netgalley, author Maureen Cavanagh, and the publisher for the advance electronic copy provided for my fair review.
Henry Holt & Co.
Pub: Sep. 4th, 2018
My Bookzone blog on Wordpress.com: https://wordpress.com/post/bookblog20...
She shares how she handled it, and how she became an advocate helping other parents and addicts in trouble in her area by starting an online group for others in the same position, that allowed them all to share and posting links for assistance. She learned eventually to better handle her daughter’s relapses, which were many, up to 40 or more, and to be able to take back her life to an extent so that she actually could have one again, and start living again. A very timely book, with a message of hope during the still dark times of so many people overdosing while answers are searched for. My thanks to #Netgalley, author Maureen Cavanagh, and the publisher for the advance electronic copy provided for my fair review.
Henry Holt & Co.
Pub: Sep. 4th, 2018
My Bookzone blog on Wordpress.com: https://wordpress.com/post/bookblog20...
June 1, 2019
4.5 Stars.
November 12, 2018
Angels walk among us. If you have ever doubted this, read this heart-shattering memoir. Raw and honest, yet seeped in strength and hope.
It’s every parent’s nightmare: the story of a mother blindsided by her daughter’s heroin addiction and hellbent on doing everything in her power to fight to save her daughter’s life. As she navigates the unfamiliar territory that is now daily life for her child: homelessness, addiction, withdrawal, detox, relapse; as she scours the streets, parks, hospitals, police reports, and Facebook for any clue that her daughter is still living; as she fervently pleads then calmly negotiates with her daughter to come home, get in the car, sit and talk for a minute, go to detox, stay in the program, go back to the program; as she struggles against guilt, confusion, anger, exhaustion, and helplessness, this incredible woman finds solace in support groups, attends vigils and funerals, tries to help her daughter every day, and also begins helping others in the same predicament. Faced with finding treatment for her daughter while absorbing the shock of her devastating new reality, she immediately realizes the desperate need for a clearer path, more information, guidance, and support. Though this is a national epidemic and there are many difficult decisions to be made, it is work to find out even what the first step is. The author, in the wake of her personal tragedy, forms a network with other mothers and creates Magnolia New Beginnings (info/donate here), which is dedicated to advocating for those with substance abuse disorder, connecting their families to local support groups and resources in their states, educating the community and assisting in recovery. Honestly, just stop for a minute and consider that. She is driving constantly, has other children, a job, and a relationship to maintain (not to mention her own sanity), and all the while she is helping others.
Maureen Cavanaugh’s story is deeply personal. She is fighting for the underdog when she takes on SNL for making fun of this epidemic, the news showing viral videos of people overdosing in public (what kind of a person videos that instead of helping?!?!), and speaks candidly with various media outlets. She pushes for people to remove the stigma and stop using offensive words like junkie, instead opting for Substance Abuse Disorder. She is unapologetic about her stance on treatment and the overwhelming need for much more support post-treatment to ensure success. This is a disease. Maureen Cavanaugh is on the front lines. And I promise I will be making a donation to her non-profit and adding Maureen and her daughter Katie to my prayers. I am stunned speechless at what this woman has done.
Angels walk among us.
There’s at least one up in Marblehead. 5 stars
*I would never have heard of this book had it not been plastered on the front of the Boston Public Library Overdrive page as a recommended read by the mayor of Boston. My children are young and opioid addiction is a major problem in MA. It is increasingly obvious that this disease does not discriminate. It’s terrifying.
**I listened to the audio and while it took a while to get used to the author’s cadence (and accent😉), there is no better way to experience the raw emotion of this memoir than by the author’s own voice. She betrays none of her emotions and my heart broke for her so many times. The interview at the end highlights her experience and intelligence. The acknowledgments highlight her humility. This is a memoir, not a life-changing story, but I am humbled by this woman. She is a beacon of strength, a call to action, and someone to feel good about in today’s shaky world.
New York Times article featuring Katie Harvey, Maureen Cavanaugh’s daughter.
It’s every parent’s nightmare: the story of a mother blindsided by her daughter’s heroin addiction and hellbent on doing everything in her power to fight to save her daughter’s life. As she navigates the unfamiliar territory that is now daily life for her child: homelessness, addiction, withdrawal, detox, relapse; as she scours the streets, parks, hospitals, police reports, and Facebook for any clue that her daughter is still living; as she fervently pleads then calmly negotiates with her daughter to come home, get in the car, sit and talk for a minute, go to detox, stay in the program, go back to the program; as she struggles against guilt, confusion, anger, exhaustion, and helplessness, this incredible woman finds solace in support groups, attends vigils and funerals, tries to help her daughter every day, and also begins helping others in the same predicament. Faced with finding treatment for her daughter while absorbing the shock of her devastating new reality, she immediately realizes the desperate need for a clearer path, more information, guidance, and support. Though this is a national epidemic and there are many difficult decisions to be made, it is work to find out even what the first step is. The author, in the wake of her personal tragedy, forms a network with other mothers and creates Magnolia New Beginnings (info/donate here), which is dedicated to advocating for those with substance abuse disorder, connecting their families to local support groups and resources in their states, educating the community and assisting in recovery. Honestly, just stop for a minute and consider that. She is driving constantly, has other children, a job, and a relationship to maintain (not to mention her own sanity), and all the while she is helping others.
Maureen Cavanaugh’s story is deeply personal. She is fighting for the underdog when she takes on SNL for making fun of this epidemic, the news showing viral videos of people overdosing in public (what kind of a person videos that instead of helping?!?!), and speaks candidly with various media outlets. She pushes for people to remove the stigma and stop using offensive words like junkie, instead opting for Substance Abuse Disorder. She is unapologetic about her stance on treatment and the overwhelming need for much more support post-treatment to ensure success. This is a disease. Maureen Cavanaugh is on the front lines. And I promise I will be making a donation to her non-profit and adding Maureen and her daughter Katie to my prayers. I am stunned speechless at what this woman has done.
Angels walk among us.
There’s at least one up in Marblehead. 5 stars
*I would never have heard of this book had it not been plastered on the front of the Boston Public Library Overdrive page as a recommended read by the mayor of Boston. My children are young and opioid addiction is a major problem in MA. It is increasingly obvious that this disease does not discriminate. It’s terrifying.
**I listened to the audio and while it took a while to get used to the author’s cadence (and accent😉), there is no better way to experience the raw emotion of this memoir than by the author’s own voice. She betrays none of her emotions and my heart broke for her so many times. The interview at the end highlights her experience and intelligence. The acknowledgments highlight her humility. This is a memoir, not a life-changing story, but I am humbled by this woman. She is a beacon of strength, a call to action, and someone to feel good about in today’s shaky world.
New York Times article featuring Katie Harvey, Maureen Cavanaugh’s daughter.
September 4, 2018
After returning to her home near Salem, MA following a sunny winter vacation get away in Puerto Rico with her partner Peter, author activist Maureen Cavanaugh had no idea how drastically her life would change. It seemed to happen in an instant—right after she discovered all her treasured (heirloom) jewelry was gone. “If You Love Me: A Mother’s Memoir of a Daughter’s Opioid Addiction” is a powerful must- read of a mother’s powerful and unconditional love for her child and refusal to stop battling her daughter’s addiction to heroin.
Written between the winter of 2015-17, Maureen and her former husband Mike searched the streets and abandoned buildings for their beloved daughter Katie. There was no time for blame, or to analyze the past, or understand how or why Katie’s addiction occurred. On Facebook Maureen was in contact with addiction specialists and other parents of addict’s. Citations, tickets summons to appear in court were piling up in Maureen’s mailbox, Katie was cited with possession of heroin and eventually solicitation-- and she was nowhere to be found.
Maureen had contacts to get Katie into rehab, Mikes health insurance would pay for treatment. Katie could be free of the substance use disorder that had swiftly altered life as they knew it. Maureen would learn startling facts about the treatment industry: it involved big business, the cycling of clients to various facilities for health insurance payments, substandard facilities were located in poor or questionable neighborhoods. With the lack of trained staff and little accountability, Maureen’s calls to the Fort Lauderdale, Florida treatment center where Katie was admitted per recommendation largely went unreturned. The two year period involving Katie’s substance use disorder was nothing short of a “horror show”. Mother and daughter would come to a full circle as Maureen accepted the fact she could not force Katie to change, relapse was common and always a terrifying possibility.
This harrowing and gripping story unfolds in the present tense, as readers turn pages we do not know if Katie will make it. With her admittance to an endless number of treatment centers, she overdoses and ends up hospitalized too many times to count. In 2016, 64,000 people perished in the worst drug epidemic in American history. In 2017, the death toll rose to 72,000 lives lost in opioid overdoses and substance use related causes. Relatives and friends of addicts have formed networks and resources of support to raise awareness, educate, advocate and facilitate life- saving treatment. Maureen Cavanaugh is the founder of Magnolia New Beginnings a national non-profit agency that provides educational resources, peer support and advocacy on a national level-- also sober living assistance is offered to those in recovery from substance use disorder. Currently, Maureen is studying at UMass Boston to become certified in drug and alcohol counseling, and serves on a number of committee’s and task forces that support treatment and recovery from substance use and addiction. With thanks to Henry Holt and Company via NetGalley for the ADC for the purpose of review.
Written between the winter of 2015-17, Maureen and her former husband Mike searched the streets and abandoned buildings for their beloved daughter Katie. There was no time for blame, or to analyze the past, or understand how or why Katie’s addiction occurred. On Facebook Maureen was in contact with addiction specialists and other parents of addict’s. Citations, tickets summons to appear in court were piling up in Maureen’s mailbox, Katie was cited with possession of heroin and eventually solicitation-- and she was nowhere to be found.
Maureen had contacts to get Katie into rehab, Mikes health insurance would pay for treatment. Katie could be free of the substance use disorder that had swiftly altered life as they knew it. Maureen would learn startling facts about the treatment industry: it involved big business, the cycling of clients to various facilities for health insurance payments, substandard facilities were located in poor or questionable neighborhoods. With the lack of trained staff and little accountability, Maureen’s calls to the Fort Lauderdale, Florida treatment center where Katie was admitted per recommendation largely went unreturned. The two year period involving Katie’s substance use disorder was nothing short of a “horror show”. Mother and daughter would come to a full circle as Maureen accepted the fact she could not force Katie to change, relapse was common and always a terrifying possibility.
This harrowing and gripping story unfolds in the present tense, as readers turn pages we do not know if Katie will make it. With her admittance to an endless number of treatment centers, she overdoses and ends up hospitalized too many times to count. In 2016, 64,000 people perished in the worst drug epidemic in American history. In 2017, the death toll rose to 72,000 lives lost in opioid overdoses and substance use related causes. Relatives and friends of addicts have formed networks and resources of support to raise awareness, educate, advocate and facilitate life- saving treatment. Maureen Cavanaugh is the founder of Magnolia New Beginnings a national non-profit agency that provides educational resources, peer support and advocacy on a national level-- also sober living assistance is offered to those in recovery from substance use disorder. Currently, Maureen is studying at UMass Boston to become certified in drug and alcohol counseling, and serves on a number of committee’s and task forces that support treatment and recovery from substance use and addiction. With thanks to Henry Holt and Company via NetGalley for the ADC for the purpose of review.
December 24, 2018
Audiobook... read by the author.
A nightmare story for any parent.
This is the mother’s story....a very harrowing- agonizing story - glad it’s written- hope it’s helpful to anyone who needs it.
I tried and tried to feel an emotional connection to the mother.
For some reason - it didn’t happen. Intellectually: yes, of course!
And that’s ok! I still have much compassion for any parent with an addicted child. I’m especially deeply sad for the child who is addicted.
I was actually a little bored with the details much of the time - with the facilities - etc.
Yet....possibly because I’ve heard these things many times before.
This this book ‘does’ makes a great contribution..,
to parents - or anyone who wants to know the nitty gritty details of the long journey ahead one faces when they discover they have no control over their drug addicted child.
It’s a story about the choices made once truth is revealed - the journey the mother takes in trying - fighting - swimming upstream - for years in trying to get her daughter well when she herself doesn’t want to - or can’t.
Addiction is a nasty disease that takes on a life of its own -
I wish Maureen and Katie both ongoing years of wellness - and happiness!
3.5 rating
A nightmare story for any parent.
This is the mother’s story....a very harrowing- agonizing story - glad it’s written- hope it’s helpful to anyone who needs it.
I tried and tried to feel an emotional connection to the mother.
For some reason - it didn’t happen. Intellectually: yes, of course!
And that’s ok! I still have much compassion for any parent with an addicted child. I’m especially deeply sad for the child who is addicted.
I was actually a little bored with the details much of the time - with the facilities - etc.
Yet....possibly because I’ve heard these things many times before.
This this book ‘does’ makes a great contribution..,
to parents - or anyone who wants to know the nitty gritty details of the long journey ahead one faces when they discover they have no control over their drug addicted child.
It’s a story about the choices made once truth is revealed - the journey the mother takes in trying - fighting - swimming upstream - for years in trying to get her daughter well when she herself doesn’t want to - or can’t.
Addiction is a nasty disease that takes on a life of its own -
I wish Maureen and Katie both ongoing years of wellness - and happiness!
3.5 rating
July 5, 2018
4.5 Stars, rounded up.
If You Love Me: A Mother’s Journey Through Her Daughter’s Opioid Addiction by Maureen Cavanagh is a memoir of the author’s daughter’s addiction to heroin and alcohol. Katie has been in countless detoxes, rehabs and halfway houses but continues to relapse. Ms. Cavanagh is relentless in her efforts to help Katie. The mother relates, in searing detail, the things that her daughter experienced and did to get drugs while on the streets. The author also shares some of her own shocking behavior, including a harrowing road rage incident, that are born out of desperation she feels. She visits frightening people and places trying to save her daughter’s life. Ms. Cavanaugh also details the plight of other mothers who have lost one or more children to the disease of opiate and alcohol addiction. Ms. Cavanaugh, who is herself the daughter of alcoholics, begins to lose herself during the journey, wondering if Katie's disease will kill her daughter or her first.
Despite her frustration with her daughter, Ms. Cavanagh never comes off as judgmental. Other drug users trust her more than their own parents. During her fight for her daughter, she develops a huge network of people who specialize in addiction and begins to help other young people. She launches a non-profit organization in Massachusetts called Magnolia New Beginnings. Through helping others, Ms. Cavanagh is able to find hope and a life for herself. Understandably, there is an incredible amount of pain in the book, but Cavanaugh shows the reader that there is a way to live a reasonable happy life even in the midst of her pain.
If You Love Me is a must read for anyone with a loved one who has or is experiencing addiction but will also appeal to a much broader audience. Many thanks to Henry Holt & Co. for allowing me to read read the ARC.
www.magnolianewbeginnings.org
If You Love Me: A Mother’s Journey Through Her Daughter’s Opioid Addiction by Maureen Cavanagh is a memoir of the author’s daughter’s addiction to heroin and alcohol. Katie has been in countless detoxes, rehabs and halfway houses but continues to relapse. Ms. Cavanagh is relentless in her efforts to help Katie. The mother relates, in searing detail, the things that her daughter experienced and did to get drugs while on the streets. The author also shares some of her own shocking behavior, including a harrowing road rage incident, that are born out of desperation she feels. She visits frightening people and places trying to save her daughter’s life. Ms. Cavanaugh also details the plight of other mothers who have lost one or more children to the disease of opiate and alcohol addiction. Ms. Cavanaugh, who is herself the daughter of alcoholics, begins to lose herself during the journey, wondering if Katie's disease will kill her daughter or her first.
Despite her frustration with her daughter, Ms. Cavanagh never comes off as judgmental. Other drug users trust her more than their own parents. During her fight for her daughter, she develops a huge network of people who specialize in addiction and begins to help other young people. She launches a non-profit organization in Massachusetts called Magnolia New Beginnings. Through helping others, Ms. Cavanagh is able to find hope and a life for herself. Understandably, there is an incredible amount of pain in the book, but Cavanaugh shows the reader that there is a way to live a reasonable happy life even in the midst of her pain.
If You Love Me is a must read for anyone with a loved one who has or is experiencing addiction but will also appeal to a much broader audience. Many thanks to Henry Holt & Co. for allowing me to read read the ARC.
www.magnolianewbeginnings.org
September 11, 2018
The bond that a mother shares with her child is unspeakable. For most mothers there is nothing their child can do that will break that bond. Moms stand with their child, through thick and thin, even if it kills them. You don't ask a mom if she loves her child, you as a mom how much she loves them.
Maureen Cavanagh is a divorced mother of four, adjusting to the life of an empty nester. Her youngest child is off to college and Maureen is trying to figure out the next phase of her life. It takes one seemingly ordinary night and one missing pair of diamond earrings to turn Maureen's world upside down.
Maureen's youngest daughter Katie has been acting strange lately and it doesn't take long for Maureen to put the pieces together. Missing spoons, missing jewelry that is worth thousands of dollars, and a daughter that is not acting like herself. There is no way the thoughts swirling in Marureen's mind could be true could they? Katie is a normal young adult with her whole life ahead of her! But once confronted Katie confesses: she is addicted to heroine.
Katie's parents immediately get her away from the boyfriend that they blame for getting her addicted in the first place, and put her into a detox program thinking this will be the end of the ordeal. They soon realize this is just the beginning.
If You Love Me is Maureen's fight for her daughter's life. She tells of the crack houses that she found Katie in on various occasions, the trips in and out of multiple rehabilitation clinics, and the numerous overdoses that should've killed Katie but thankfully didn't. This is truly is a mother's worst nightmare and Maureen Cavanagh is living it.
I could not put this book down and finished it within a few hours of starting. Your heart aches for both Katie and Maureen, as well as the other heartbreaking stories of others who have had to deal with addictions and their consequences. Having two teenage boys myself I can only imagine going through what Maureen, as well as countless other parents, have had to endure in dealing with a child with an addiction.
If You Love Me is a must read for everyone, even those whose lives have never been touched by drug addiction, so that light can be shown on the truths of Substance Abuse Disorders, and that people in our society will realize that no one is immune.
*I received a complimentary copy of this book from Henry Holt & Co. and NetGalley in exchange for an honest, unbiased review. All opinions are my own.
Maureen Cavanagh is a divorced mother of four, adjusting to the life of an empty nester. Her youngest child is off to college and Maureen is trying to figure out the next phase of her life. It takes one seemingly ordinary night and one missing pair of diamond earrings to turn Maureen's world upside down.
Maureen's youngest daughter Katie has been acting strange lately and it doesn't take long for Maureen to put the pieces together. Missing spoons, missing jewelry that is worth thousands of dollars, and a daughter that is not acting like herself. There is no way the thoughts swirling in Marureen's mind could be true could they? Katie is a normal young adult with her whole life ahead of her! But once confronted Katie confesses: she is addicted to heroine.
Katie's parents immediately get her away from the boyfriend that they blame for getting her addicted in the first place, and put her into a detox program thinking this will be the end of the ordeal. They soon realize this is just the beginning.
If You Love Me is Maureen's fight for her daughter's life. She tells of the crack houses that she found Katie in on various occasions, the trips in and out of multiple rehabilitation clinics, and the numerous overdoses that should've killed Katie but thankfully didn't. This is truly is a mother's worst nightmare and Maureen Cavanagh is living it.
I could not put this book down and finished it within a few hours of starting. Your heart aches for both Katie and Maureen, as well as the other heartbreaking stories of others who have had to deal with addictions and their consequences. Having two teenage boys myself I can only imagine going through what Maureen, as well as countless other parents, have had to endure in dealing with a child with an addiction.
If You Love Me is a must read for everyone, even those whose lives have never been touched by drug addiction, so that light can be shown on the truths of Substance Abuse Disorders, and that people in our society will realize that no one is immune.
*I received a complimentary copy of this book from Henry Holt & Co. and NetGalley in exchange for an honest, unbiased review. All opinions are my own.
July 24, 2018
WOW. So powerful. So heartbreaking. So many similarities. And so much power in turning her pain into purpose through her organization Magnolia New Beginnings. As a mom on the same journey, I could relate to every word.
March 14, 2023
In this memoir of the personal impact of the opioid crisis, Maureen Cavanagh recounts her painful experiences as the mother of a heroin-addicted daughter, Katie. Maureen initially knows very little about what to do. Maureen and her ex-husband repeatedly must track Katie down and send her to rehabilitation clinics, but Katie leaves the programs, relapses, and overdoses multiple times. Maureen shares her guilt, sorrow, and frustration as she attempts to get Katie the help she needs, while still trying to keep her own life together. During these three years, Maureen connected with others in the same situation and founded a non-profit (Magnolia New Beginnings) to help those suffering from addiction find assistance and begin the path to wellness. This is an emotional and heartbreaking story.
March 14, 2018
If you love me … Maureen Cavanagh
This book is long OVERDUE. A powerful, educational, enlightening document that pulls us in and holds us captive in the trenches of the heroin epidemic raging in this country. We all know someone battling with this disease or who have buried a child under the age of 25 because of this disease. This is an account of the author’s personal journey with her own child and how she and so many others have turned their journey (the good, the bad and the ugly) into something positive for others. Thank you, Thank you, and Thank you to you all. You have my utmost respect.
Note to the Author: Ms. Cavanagh….From the bottom of my heart, thank you for sharing your unfiltered, lovingly raw journey. Thank you for all the lives you’ve saved/rescued from drug dependency and all the lives you will continue to save by the telling of your powerful story, your FB pages for parents, your company, Magnolia and resources you so generously share. Personally I have three wonderful moms in my life that have unfortunately battled the same war, remarkably the stories are identical (all are from Southern NH and Mass). One mom lost her battle and laid her son to rest after many positive months of rehab, it only took two days after release from a great program for his life to end. They all asked the same question “where did “I” go wrong?” They all can talk about jail, rehab, police, debt, but the biggest fear they all share every day is the ring of the telephone. Bless you for “Paying it Forward
Many thanks to Netgalley and MacMillan Publishing for the opportunity to read an ARC of this book in exchange for an honest review.
This book is long OVERDUE. A powerful, educational, enlightening document that pulls us in and holds us captive in the trenches of the heroin epidemic raging in this country. We all know someone battling with this disease or who have buried a child under the age of 25 because of this disease. This is an account of the author’s personal journey with her own child and how she and so many others have turned their journey (the good, the bad and the ugly) into something positive for others. Thank you, Thank you, and Thank you to you all. You have my utmost respect.
Note to the Author: Ms. Cavanagh….From the bottom of my heart, thank you for sharing your unfiltered, lovingly raw journey. Thank you for all the lives you’ve saved/rescued from drug dependency and all the lives you will continue to save by the telling of your powerful story, your FB pages for parents, your company, Magnolia and resources you so generously share. Personally I have three wonderful moms in my life that have unfortunately battled the same war, remarkably the stories are identical (all are from Southern NH and Mass). One mom lost her battle and laid her son to rest after many positive months of rehab, it only took two days after release from a great program for his life to end. They all asked the same question “where did “I” go wrong?” They all can talk about jail, rehab, police, debt, but the biggest fear they all share every day is the ring of the telephone. Bless you for “Paying it Forward
Many thanks to Netgalley and MacMillan Publishing for the opportunity to read an ARC of this book in exchange for an honest review.
March 1, 2019
This is a powerful account of a mom's experience trying to belp her daughter who developed a problem with addiction to opiods at a young age. The mom goes to extraordinary lengths to help her daughter, which expanded to her work helping any local addicted person who contacted her help & also founding a non profit. This mom made mistakes along the way. She has her flaws, as all humans do.
I have read a non-fiction book about the opiod crisis, Dopesick: Dealers, Doctors, and the Drug Company that Addicted America which was quite good, but this is the first is the first memoir I have read on the topic.
This author lives in MA, as I did for most of my life. Many of the locations that the author refers to are very familiar to me. I have a nephew who lives in the area, who developed an opiod addiction after taking prescripton narcotics for a back problem. He is currently in recovery and doing well. My brother has gone to extraordinary lengths to help his son over a period of years. My other personal knowledge of opiod addiction is my daughter's best childhood friend and our nextdoor neighbor until
we moved away when they were both children. I was beyond shocked when I learned last year, that this beautiful, bright, fun-loving girl (young adult) died in a head-on collision when she was high on drugs. Both she and the other driver, a 50 year old man were killed instantly, in a daytime crash. She was an only child and I am still haunted when I think of her mom's painful loss.
I didn't come away with any new ideas about a solution to this problem. I did come away with an appreciation of the complexity of the problem & a great deal of compassion for the parents of addicted teens & young adults.
The writing of this memoir is not always smooth and streamlined. The author is a mom, not a professional writer.
I recommend this book and rate it 4 stars.
I have read a non-fiction book about the opiod crisis, Dopesick: Dealers, Doctors, and the Drug Company that Addicted America which was quite good, but this is the first is the first memoir I have read on the topic.
This author lives in MA, as I did for most of my life. Many of the locations that the author refers to are very familiar to me. I have a nephew who lives in the area, who developed an opiod addiction after taking prescripton narcotics for a back problem. He is currently in recovery and doing well. My brother has gone to extraordinary lengths to help his son over a period of years. My other personal knowledge of opiod addiction is my daughter's best childhood friend and our nextdoor neighbor until
we moved away when they were both children. I was beyond shocked when I learned last year, that this beautiful, bright, fun-loving girl (young adult) died in a head-on collision when she was high on drugs. Both she and the other driver, a 50 year old man were killed instantly, in a daytime crash. She was an only child and I am still haunted when I think of her mom's painful loss.
I didn't come away with any new ideas about a solution to this problem. I did come away with an appreciation of the complexity of the problem & a great deal of compassion for the parents of addicted teens & young adults.
The writing of this memoir is not always smooth and streamlined. The author is a mom, not a professional writer.
I recommend this book and rate it 4 stars.
January 30, 2024
As a child of an alcoholic this was hard to read. The pain never goes away and the memories of the addiction are always etched in your mind.
I really enjoyed how the author demystified the stigma of addiction. I have felt shame and embarrassment about my father for my entire life. Addiction can happen to anyone - and unless you experience it yourself or know someone who has an addiction — you can’t really understand. So it’s scary for people to be open and vulnerable because you don’t want to be judged and you also want to protect the addict from any judgment — especially if they are your parent.
I also really enjoyed how she normalized relapse. My father relapsed after 12 years of sobriety and it was devastating — he continues to struggle with his sobriety now. He has had all the resources that anyone could need but he still struggles. It’s imperative and almost impossible to not feel like their relapse is because of you — or because of something you did or didn’t do. But the relapse is about the person — no one else.
I would recommend this book to anyone — especially if you love someone with an addiction.
I really enjoyed how the author demystified the stigma of addiction. I have felt shame and embarrassment about my father for my entire life. Addiction can happen to anyone - and unless you experience it yourself or know someone who has an addiction — you can’t really understand. So it’s scary for people to be open and vulnerable because you don’t want to be judged and you also want to protect the addict from any judgment — especially if they are your parent.
I also really enjoyed how she normalized relapse. My father relapsed after 12 years of sobriety and it was devastating — he continues to struggle with his sobriety now. He has had all the resources that anyone could need but he still struggles. It’s imperative and almost impossible to not feel like their relapse is because of you — or because of something you did or didn’t do. But the relapse is about the person — no one else.
I would recommend this book to anyone — especially if you love someone with an addiction.
December 6, 2018
Quite moving. I'm lucky to have received a free copy from NetGalley on behalf of Henry Holt, because otherwise this book may not have been on my radar. Though I have several "academic" books on my to-be-read shelf about America's opioid crisis, I liked reading a firsthand account of a mother in the trenches fighting for her daughter Katie's survival and coming close to losing her own well-being in the process. Maureen has done so much good for so many other young adults (and their parents) struggling to recover from addiction. She made it clear how traumatic it is for all parties involved as months went by she and Katie continue to approach the precipice's edge, vacillating between a close relationship and a strained one as Katie's drug use also stops and starts. Maureen showed such courage especially as she accepted the plea for help from the young man who originally got Katie hooked on heroin. If you want a brutal, heartfelt read, this is for you.
March 19, 2018
Life with a person who suffers with subuse disorder is hard. This is a story worth reading.
February 3, 2019
This is a sad book. It is an inside look at the life of those dealing with the opioid epidemic. And yet it is a hopeful book when you see how those whose lives have been touched and even devastated by it are stepping forward to help those in need, bringing their knowledge and experience to aid others. "Substance abuse disorder is like being denied the right to vote: it's very hard for most people to imagine or care about it unless it affects them personally." Sad, but very true. Hopefully, this book will be used to open a lot of eyes and hearts.
March 28, 2018
4.5 stars
"Fast-paced and heartwarming, devastating and redemptive, Maureen’s incredible odyssey into the opioid crisis―first as a parent, then as an advocate―is ultimately a deeply moving mother-daughter story. When Maureen and her ex-husband Mike see their daughter Katie’s needle track marks for the first time, it is a complete shock."
As a mother of a child with similar issues as Katie, this book hit me hard. I could identify very strongly with every word she wrote and every emotion she felt. This book resounded deep within my soul. If You Love Me was impossible to put down and challenging to read at the same time.
This is an incredibly compelling book for any parent who has dealt with the horror of their child's substance abuse. Maureen walks the reader through the agony of discovery through the helplessness of a parent trying to force a child into recovery. She honestly and deftly explains the emotional impact on the entire family, as well as the shame so often coinciding with having a child with a substance use disorder. She candidly shares how substance abuse impacts siblings, work and other relationships.
Maureen’s brutally honest account is one filled with her quest to help her daughter to get off heroin, the horrors of the for-profit detox and recovery centers and ultimately to one of an advocate for families and addicts. This is a must-read book for everyone. Maureen expertly humanizes the substance user and the horrors they are fighting in their quest to be free of drugs.
"Fast-paced and heartwarming, devastating and redemptive, Maureen’s incredible odyssey into the opioid crisis―first as a parent, then as an advocate―is ultimately a deeply moving mother-daughter story. When Maureen and her ex-husband Mike see their daughter Katie’s needle track marks for the first time, it is a complete shock."
As a mother of a child with similar issues as Katie, this book hit me hard. I could identify very strongly with every word she wrote and every emotion she felt. This book resounded deep within my soul. If You Love Me was impossible to put down and challenging to read at the same time.
This is an incredibly compelling book for any parent who has dealt with the horror of their child's substance abuse. Maureen walks the reader through the agony of discovery through the helplessness of a parent trying to force a child into recovery. She honestly and deftly explains the emotional impact on the entire family, as well as the shame so often coinciding with having a child with a substance use disorder. She candidly shares how substance abuse impacts siblings, work and other relationships.
Maureen’s brutally honest account is one filled with her quest to help her daughter to get off heroin, the horrors of the for-profit detox and recovery centers and ultimately to one of an advocate for families and addicts. This is a must-read book for everyone. Maureen expertly humanizes the substance user and the horrors they are fighting in their quest to be free of drugs.
September 12, 2018
This is probably one of the best books I’ve read about what it’s really like to have a loved one with an opioid addiction.
It is at times hilarious and heartbreaking.
Maureen doesn’t pull punches and lets you fully into her world, it is a brutally honest account of her experiences and I am grateful it was recommended to me.
It is very seldom I find a book that can make me laugh and cry but this book did both.
This is a book that is in my top ten picks and I highly encourage everyone, whether you have someone in your life who is affected or not, to read it.
Amazing.
It is at times hilarious and heartbreaking.
Maureen doesn’t pull punches and lets you fully into her world, it is a brutally honest account of her experiences and I am grateful it was recommended to me.
It is very seldom I find a book that can make me laugh and cry but this book did both.
This is a book that is in my top ten picks and I highly encourage everyone, whether you have someone in your life who is affected or not, to read it.
Amazing.
August 12, 2018
A truly inspiring read of a mother's love for her daughter and and the horrors of addiction and the ravages of causes. I highly recommend this book. It is a true inspiration
September 11, 2018
An important read! I’ve learned so much from this story of hope, heartbreak, a mother’s love and a relentless spirit.
March 24, 2019
The title of this book pretty much sums it up. A gripping, heartbreaking read of one mother's desperate attempts to help her daughter fight an addiction. I listened to this on audio and enjoyed hearing the author's voice (and Boston accent!) and she imbues it with some dark humor. Her love is clear, and she is very self-aware about the mistakes she made along the way. Early on, she found a lack of resources and formed an organization to help other kids/parents with the things she wishes she'd known. For example, keeping an updated list of available detox beds that can be consulted at any time. Brilliant. It's also very poignant to watch her help so many people while her daughter continued to struggle (and she's very up front with people after at first "hiding" the problem--and she makes a very important point about not doing this). I cannot imagine how she got through so many relapses...and kept going (for her family, for others) without feeling totally hopeless. Very well done and I also found the relationship between her and her ex-husband incredibly moving and supportive.
August 22, 2020
Having recently finished “If You Love Me: A Mother's Journey Through Her Daughter's Addiction” by Maureen Cavanagh, I am happy to have had the chance to read the e-book copy; thank you NetGalley and Henry Holt and Company!
This book was a tough yet necessary book to read, I can only imagine the emotions that Ms. Cavanagh dealt with as she wrote it. One of the most relatable quotes was this one:
"I am grieving for someone who is still alive."
Those who are in this heart-breaking battle, and dealing with a loved ones substance abuse disorder, will find resilience and hope throughout these pages. This amazing mother wrote her truth, and shared her knowledge for others desperate as they struggle through dark days. I am glad to know that this book is available for our community; it's a very important resource for our library collection.
This book was a tough yet necessary book to read, I can only imagine the emotions that Ms. Cavanagh dealt with as she wrote it. One of the most relatable quotes was this one:
"I am grieving for someone who is still alive."
Those who are in this heart-breaking battle, and dealing with a loved ones substance abuse disorder, will find resilience and hope throughout these pages. This amazing mother wrote her truth, and shared her knowledge for others desperate as they struggle through dark days. I am glad to know that this book is available for our community; it's a very important resource for our library collection.
March 17, 2018
This book is a must read for anyone who has ever been personally affected by a loved one's substance abuse. Ms. Cavanagh has clearly opened her life to share her personal journey through her daughter's addiction and I suspect that every reader will see something of themselves in her thoughts and experiences. Ms. Cavanagh is to be commended for bringing to light the true, raw feelings and actions associated with substance abuse disorder.
March 21, 2018
Maureen Cavanagh has written a book that is personal, heart wrenching, and yet, hopeful.
Her very personal story comes to light as she tries over and over again to help her daughter who can't seem to get away from her dependence on opioids. Cavanagh details what she and her daughter go through as she bounces around from one treatment center to the next (up to 40 times). It was more than heart wrenching to read what was happening to her daughter, physically, emotionally, and mentally, and how Cavanagh tried again and again to help her, until she finally realized she had to take care of herself and her life first.
Despite everything the author went through with her daughter, she still managed to help friends, children of friends, and strangers to find help with their own diseases. She built an organization that continues today to help and give information to those who need it. I highly recommend this book. It is perfect for those parents or relatives of children who suffer with substance abuse disorders, and anyone else who wants to educate themselves on this very timely and sad public problem.
Thank you to Net Galley and Henry Holt and Company for the opportunity to read and review this exceptional book.
Her very personal story comes to light as she tries over and over again to help her daughter who can't seem to get away from her dependence on opioids. Cavanagh details what she and her daughter go through as she bounces around from one treatment center to the next (up to 40 times). It was more than heart wrenching to read what was happening to her daughter, physically, emotionally, and mentally, and how Cavanagh tried again and again to help her, until she finally realized she had to take care of herself and her life first.
Despite everything the author went through with her daughter, she still managed to help friends, children of friends, and strangers to find help with their own diseases. She built an organization that continues today to help and give information to those who need it. I highly recommend this book. It is perfect for those parents or relatives of children who suffer with substance abuse disorders, and anyone else who wants to educate themselves on this very timely and sad public problem.
Thank you to Net Galley and Henry Holt and Company for the opportunity to read and review this exceptional book.
April 8, 2018
Courage... pain... fear... heartache... HOPE. Maureen and her daughter, Katie, are intimately acquainted with all of these feelings as they have lived the horror of addiction. Katie suffers from the disease and Maureen is the loving mother who suffers alongside her daughter as she struggles with her illness. As a mother who is intimately acquainted with the addiction of a child, I devoured this book. It is brilliantly written... the story of a family taken by storm with a deluge of pain, occasional sprinkles of humor, and most importantly, the constant accompanying rumble of love and hope. A dog-eared copy of this book now has a permanent place by my bedside and in my heart. Thank you, Maureen, for the courage to share your story. This is truly a must-read for anyone who loves someone who suffers with substance use disorder, and highly recommended for all.
December 11, 2018
4.5 stars, rounded down
Such a moving tale of heartbreak, strength, hope, loss and redemption. I’m so grateful that the author had the courage to share her story. I can’t imagine the enormous strength it took to even do that. What’s more though, the author has founded a nonprofit called Magnolia New Beginnings that provides support and educational information for families that are suffering from substance use disorder (SUD). This book is a must read for anyone. Even if you don’t know anyone suffering from substance use disorder, this book is still invaluable in helping to shatter the stigma surrounding the issue. Reading this novel really drove home the point that anyone is susceptible to SUD, regardless of race, ethnicity, or social class. Thank you so much for sharing your story, Maureen Cavanagh.
Such a moving tale of heartbreak, strength, hope, loss and redemption. I’m so grateful that the author had the courage to share her story. I can’t imagine the enormous strength it took to even do that. What’s more though, the author has founded a nonprofit called Magnolia New Beginnings that provides support and educational information for families that are suffering from substance use disorder (SUD). This book is a must read for anyone. Even if you don’t know anyone suffering from substance use disorder, this book is still invaluable in helping to shatter the stigma surrounding the issue. Reading this novel really drove home the point that anyone is susceptible to SUD, regardless of race, ethnicity, or social class. Thank you so much for sharing your story, Maureen Cavanagh.
September 11, 2018
This book really means a lot to me. Maureen writes from the heart and is so real about a topic that is not easy for people to talk about. I found her story to be one that could happen to any family. It happened to mine. The timing of this book was very helpful for me even in my grief. Knowing that there are people who recover makes me hopeful. I wish I had known about some of the resources mentioned earlier in my life. However, I will pass this information on to anyone I meet who might need it and will definitely recommend the book!
September 17, 2018
The author did a brilliant job of writing a raw account of what it was like to watch her daughter battle an opioid addiction and then become an advocate for other families fighting similar battles. I could feel the frustration and hope that she felt at different points of this battle and felt for her, as her pain was coming through the pages.
December 18, 2018
Couldn't put this book down. Maureen's memoir brings you up close and personal to the opioid epidemic and shines a glaring light on what it means to have a substance use disorder and what it means to be a caregiver for someone battling such a horrendous sickness.
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