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The Alphabet Books #5
E is for Eyeball: (a comedy)
Like reading Poe on nitrous oxide.Have you ever wanted to escape?Ever wished you were a character in a story?Be careful what you wish for.I wanted that once, too.And now here I am. And it sucks.How did I get here?What did I do to deserve this?Trapped in the nightmarish world of Edgar Allan PoeSort of.Why are these tales so much worse than the originals?Why is everyone I meet so annoying? And what’s the deal with their wonky eyeballs?E is for Eyeball is what happens when you put works of public domain into the hands of an incompetent lunatic.Horrific. Hilarious. Ridiculous.You'll laugh till your eyes pop out.“A real mustn’t read.” -Every Critic EverGet your copy today!These books do not need to be read in alphabetical order. Mix and match! Trade with friends!
183 pages, Kindle Edition
Published January 27, 2018
3 people are currently reading
6 people want to read
About the author
Marc Richard
52 books59 followersMarc Richard is an author of horror, love stories, science fiction, and literary fiction that is otherwise unclassifiable. He even authored a semi-autobiographical novel about Borderline Personality Disorder. He promises something to read for every interest. All of his novels are peppered and spiced with his dark, twisted sense of humor. Originally hailing from Rumford Maine, he calls Portland Maine his home. He has an award-winning personality, and is very handsome, according to his mother.
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Displaying 1 - 13 of 13 reviews
February 1, 2018
Marc Richard's E is for Eyeball is a hilarious flip through the work of Poe. Excellently crafted to read through each short story (and one poem) as though they were all one overarching tale. Richard lambasts Poe and Culture In General with equal enthusiasm. If you like laughing, read E is for Eyeball. If you like Poe, read E is for Eyeball. If you like Poe AND laughing.. Well, maybe you should go look somewhere else. Marc's regularly on the button with his humor, and this time through is no exception.
October 8, 2018
I was given this free review copy audiobook at my request and have voluntarily left this review.
DNF at 21%.
It's not that this audiobook is bad, I just don't get it. It was really bizarre and I couldn't follow anything that was happening. I just thought the whole book was crazy.
DNF at 21%.
It's not that this audiobook is bad, I just don't get it. It was really bizarre and I couldn't follow anything that was happening. I just thought the whole book was crazy.
March 21, 2018
E is for Eyeball: An Alphabet Book for Grown-Ups! by Marc Richard is what I call a “dessert” book. We know that dessert is something that many wait for. It is pleasant, the taste makes us smile, it signals the end of a function where a boring speaker may have gone too long. Smiles all around unless we are counting calories but even then, it signals goodbye to boredom, so dessert is pretty much win-win. For me, humor is dessert. I can’t eat only dessert. As much as I like Marc Richard and his brand of humor, I can’t read two of his books in a row. It would be too much dessert.
Marc Richard occupies a humor line that goes from funny to hilarious to outright laughing while you read. He is a working comedian artist. Check out his Amazon page to see how prolific he is. I believe it is difficult to produce humor at the rate he publishes. I can easily see criticisms from people who do not like puns. I like puns. Richard also uses a lot of cultural references to poke fun at people and events; some may find this politically incorrect, offensive, or feel they have suffered a barrage of micro-aggressions. The previous sentence is my warning to sensitive readers. Note that I did not say, overly-sensitive readers. I am being polite.
As a thick-skinned reader, I enjoyed this latest contribution to the “Alphabet Books.” It has literary merit as it lampoons Edgar Allen Poe. Highbrows can have fun remembering their earlier readings of Poe while going through the Poe works Richard has decided to examine. Those of us reveling in the lowest form of humor, puns, might even want to look up the Poe tale described in chapter seven (“A Disappointment”).
Readers will find that Richard occasionally takes a break to talk directly to the reader. This can be unsettling, especially when Richard chides us.
“Which is why it surprised me to find a faint crack, almost imperceptible, but which a contractor such as Usher should most certainly have noticed, running from the turret, zigzagging its way down the outside wall, across the lawn and into the lake. Impossible, you say? Surely not. Unbelievable, you say? Perhaps. If it was imperceptible, how did I see it in the dark, you ask? As punishment for asking so many questions, I am going to stop answering them. How do you like that? Not so smart now, are you? Oh, you don't really care, and was just asking questions to be polite?” (loc 783-786)
I like to review novels that I can refer to my students of English as a Second Language. This is not a book for them because of a lot of cultural references such as:
“The leaves had turned an ugly indescribable shade of some color or other, most of them lying on the ground. The few that remained clung to their branches like little Baby Blanket clinging to his daddy as he dangled him over a balcony.” (loc 743-745).
And a final example of humor and English language, one that might offend many (not me, I teach English!):
“I was already fluent in that (English) language, that being my native tongue, but that was my first language. I had never felt the need to learn English as a second language as well, but I have to tell you, once you do, entire worlds of opportunity open up. For instance, you can finally understand customer service agents over the phone. (loc 1422-1424)
This is a book of humor, I could not detect any malicious attacks on ethnic groups, religions, or old people (this last is important to me). The sexual humor, yes there is some, is far-ranging but brief and might leave some mental images we won’t want to revisit. However, this is in no way pornographic, there are not extended tracts devoted to weird stuff. Unless you count the Prince, who has a family tree with no branches but to see that explanation you will have to read the book.
This is a fun book that I believe deserves five Amazon stars in its genre.
Marc Richard occupies a humor line that goes from funny to hilarious to outright laughing while you read. He is a working comedian artist. Check out his Amazon page to see how prolific he is. I believe it is difficult to produce humor at the rate he publishes. I can easily see criticisms from people who do not like puns. I like puns. Richard also uses a lot of cultural references to poke fun at people and events; some may find this politically incorrect, offensive, or feel they have suffered a barrage of micro-aggressions. The previous sentence is my warning to sensitive readers. Note that I did not say, overly-sensitive readers. I am being polite.
As a thick-skinned reader, I enjoyed this latest contribution to the “Alphabet Books.” It has literary merit as it lampoons Edgar Allen Poe. Highbrows can have fun remembering their earlier readings of Poe while going through the Poe works Richard has decided to examine. Those of us reveling in the lowest form of humor, puns, might even want to look up the Poe tale described in chapter seven (“A Disappointment”).
Readers will find that Richard occasionally takes a break to talk directly to the reader. This can be unsettling, especially when Richard chides us.
“Which is why it surprised me to find a faint crack, almost imperceptible, but which a contractor such as Usher should most certainly have noticed, running from the turret, zigzagging its way down the outside wall, across the lawn and into the lake. Impossible, you say? Surely not. Unbelievable, you say? Perhaps. If it was imperceptible, how did I see it in the dark, you ask? As punishment for asking so many questions, I am going to stop answering them. How do you like that? Not so smart now, are you? Oh, you don't really care, and was just asking questions to be polite?” (loc 783-786)
I like to review novels that I can refer to my students of English as a Second Language. This is not a book for them because of a lot of cultural references such as:
“The leaves had turned an ugly indescribable shade of some color or other, most of them lying on the ground. The few that remained clung to their branches like little Baby Blanket clinging to his daddy as he dangled him over a balcony.” (loc 743-745).
And a final example of humor and English language, one that might offend many (not me, I teach English!):
“I was already fluent in that (English) language, that being my native tongue, but that was my first language. I had never felt the need to learn English as a second language as well, but I have to tell you, once you do, entire worlds of opportunity open up. For instance, you can finally understand customer service agents over the phone. (loc 1422-1424)
This is a book of humor, I could not detect any malicious attacks on ethnic groups, religions, or old people (this last is important to me). The sexual humor, yes there is some, is far-ranging but brief and might leave some mental images we won’t want to revisit. However, this is in no way pornographic, there are not extended tracts devoted to weird stuff. Unless you count the Prince, who has a family tree with no branches but to see that explanation you will have to read the book.
This is a fun book that I believe deserves five Amazon stars in its genre.
January 28, 2018
‘Once upon a morning dreary, as I fished upon Lake Erie, I thought of going home and heating up a can of Dinty Moore’
Maine author Marc Richard has fourteen publications out there in the world, valiantly trying to alter the morose sense of bad mood that permeates the globe right now. He is certainly one of the funniest, wittiest, most crafty and probing parody artists writing today. He lives In Portland, Maine with his life-partner Jill and their dog and pens hysterical books that are short in length but long on laugh out loud naughty humor.
ABC: AN ALPHABET BOOK FOR GROWN-UPS! Is a take off on cherished tales we only thought we understood – until Marc offers his take on these familiar themes. A IS FOR ADAM is a naughty and pungent re-telling of the story of the creation of man (and woman), B IS FOR BEAR makes the original ‘Goldilocks and the Three Bears’ seem boring and outdated, and C IS FOR COOKIE warps the story of Hansel and Gretel into a diatribe of very contemporary issues that usually are the content of late night television re-runs, but here Marc makes the tale bloom with high comedy. D IS FOR DWARF takes on the Snow White tale complete with the Queen, Pepperoni Prince and of course the dwarfs - Farty, Disorderly, Complimentary, Turkey, Sleazy, Juicy, and Smug.
So now we come to E IS FOR EYEBALL aptly described as ‘what happens when you put works of public domain into the hands of an incompetent lunatic.’ Sound a little too familiar? Despite the very obvious comparison to the DC dope, Marc makes this Poe-like tale another hilarious and very smart parody.
Much of Marc’s genius is in his keen sense of parody: if the nine E stories are puns on Edgar Allen Poe stories then the reader will appreciate - The Cask of Amontillado ‘I hated Roger Nevermore. I despised him with every ounce of hate that I had, and even some ounces I didn't know I had, but found buried somewhere with my grandmother's old wedding dress from her third marriage, and (strangely enough) an old pimento cheese sandwich. I didn't hate Roger because he was black. I'm not a racist. I believe that Black Lives do Matter, and I don't trust the police. I marched on Washington once. Okay, I was a day late, so it was just me marching up and down the avenue carrying a sign reading WE WILL NOT LET THIS STAND, so I looked kind of stupid, but it's the thought that counts, right? So, no, I am no bigot. I did not hate him because he was black. I hated him because he was also part Chinese. I'm joking, of course. He was not part Chinese, so therefore I couldn't hate him for that, either. I hated him because he was an annoying pest… He asked me if I would join him in drinking some Amontillado. Truth be told, I prefer Rémy Martin, but I will never refuse a nice after-dinner drink.’
We probably take ourselves too seriously right now – communication with IT instead of relating personally, jolted daily by the current White House antics, and lacking sufficient discretionary income to escape to places of solace (remember vacations?). Marc Richards jumps on board and changes that – at least for as long as we are flipping through the comedy of his at times ludicrous situations in parody format. Take a breath and a cold slurp of water and jump in for the ride. It is worth every minute invested.
Maine author Marc Richard has fourteen publications out there in the world, valiantly trying to alter the morose sense of bad mood that permeates the globe right now. He is certainly one of the funniest, wittiest, most crafty and probing parody artists writing today. He lives In Portland, Maine with his life-partner Jill and their dog and pens hysterical books that are short in length but long on laugh out loud naughty humor.
ABC: AN ALPHABET BOOK FOR GROWN-UPS! Is a take off on cherished tales we only thought we understood – until Marc offers his take on these familiar themes. A IS FOR ADAM is a naughty and pungent re-telling of the story of the creation of man (and woman), B IS FOR BEAR makes the original ‘Goldilocks and the Three Bears’ seem boring and outdated, and C IS FOR COOKIE warps the story of Hansel and Gretel into a diatribe of very contemporary issues that usually are the content of late night television re-runs, but here Marc makes the tale bloom with high comedy. D IS FOR DWARF takes on the Snow White tale complete with the Queen, Pepperoni Prince and of course the dwarfs - Farty, Disorderly, Complimentary, Turkey, Sleazy, Juicy, and Smug.
So now we come to E IS FOR EYEBALL aptly described as ‘what happens when you put works of public domain into the hands of an incompetent lunatic.’ Sound a little too familiar? Despite the very obvious comparison to the DC dope, Marc makes this Poe-like tale another hilarious and very smart parody.
Much of Marc’s genius is in his keen sense of parody: if the nine E stories are puns on Edgar Allen Poe stories then the reader will appreciate - The Cask of Amontillado ‘I hated Roger Nevermore. I despised him with every ounce of hate that I had, and even some ounces I didn't know I had, but found buried somewhere with my grandmother's old wedding dress from her third marriage, and (strangely enough) an old pimento cheese sandwich. I didn't hate Roger because he was black. I'm not a racist. I believe that Black Lives do Matter, and I don't trust the police. I marched on Washington once. Okay, I was a day late, so it was just me marching up and down the avenue carrying a sign reading WE WILL NOT LET THIS STAND, so I looked kind of stupid, but it's the thought that counts, right? So, no, I am no bigot. I did not hate him because he was black. I hated him because he was also part Chinese. I'm joking, of course. He was not part Chinese, so therefore I couldn't hate him for that, either. I hated him because he was an annoying pest… He asked me if I would join him in drinking some Amontillado. Truth be told, I prefer Rémy Martin, but I will never refuse a nice after-dinner drink.’
We probably take ourselves too seriously right now – communication with IT instead of relating personally, jolted daily by the current White House antics, and lacking sufficient discretionary income to escape to places of solace (remember vacations?). Marc Richards jumps on board and changes that – at least for as long as we are flipping through the comedy of his at times ludicrous situations in parody format. Take a breath and a cold slurp of water and jump in for the ride. It is worth every minute invested.
January 28, 2018
In the interest of full disclosure, I got a free ARC from the author. Saying that, I also bought a copy when it was released, which must say something.
This continues the series which originally seemed to be fairy tales, but is now warping into something quite different. In this case we're moving to the world of Edgar Allan Poe. Through a series of linked short stories, we follow an un-named person through a series of adventures, loosely based upon EAPs stories. I say based upon, but there's a surreal quality to all of this. The author has a real skill, in twisting things around in a way that’s slightly weird, and slightly unsettling. At the same time there is a proper sense of humour to it all. There are a few places where I was getting some really strange looks for the snorts and giggles coming out. Given he's writing a pastiche of one of the great horror writers, that’s saying something. As a finale, and outside the story, the book finishes with a wonderful parody of *that* poem.
Although this is book 5 in the series, as with all the others, it's a stand alone book, so the order you read them in is entirely up to you. This one however will give yo a fair idea of what the rest of the series is like.
This continues the series which originally seemed to be fairy tales, but is now warping into something quite different. In this case we're moving to the world of Edgar Allan Poe. Through a series of linked short stories, we follow an un-named person through a series of adventures, loosely based upon EAPs stories. I say based upon, but there's a surreal quality to all of this. The author has a real skill, in twisting things around in a way that’s slightly weird, and slightly unsettling. At the same time there is a proper sense of humour to it all. There are a few places where I was getting some really strange looks for the snorts and giggles coming out. Given he's writing a pastiche of one of the great horror writers, that’s saying something. As a finale, and outside the story, the book finishes with a wonderful parody of *that* poem.
Although this is book 5 in the series, as with all the others, it's a stand alone book, so the order you read them in is entirely up to you. This one however will give yo a fair idea of what the rest of the series is like.
August 24, 2018
Ok, it’s no secret that Marc is truly “out there”. If you’ve read anything by him, you know that he is beyond bizarre, which is what makes reading his work so enjoyable.
I know this is going to sound weird, but “E Is For Eyeball” has to be a labor of love - a love for Poe. Marc is obviously a HUGE fan, and it shows.
Marc takes us on a journey, going from one Poe story to another, but each more twisted than the previous. You read each chapter saying to yourself, “What the hell is going on here?” until you get to the final chapter and find it has all been tied up nicely; and his rewrite of The Raven was fantastic.
If you are a fan of Poe, and wondered what his stories would have been like written by an insane asylum inmate, then this one is for you. I anxiously await the rest of the alphabet. Marc is my go-to when I’m feeling down and need a good laugh.
I know this is going to sound weird, but “E Is For Eyeball” has to be a labor of love - a love for Poe. Marc is obviously a HUGE fan, and it shows.
Marc takes us on a journey, going from one Poe story to another, but each more twisted than the previous. You read each chapter saying to yourself, “What the hell is going on here?” until you get to the final chapter and find it has all been tied up nicely; and his rewrite of The Raven was fantastic.
If you are a fan of Poe, and wondered what his stories would have been like written by an insane asylum inmate, then this one is for you. I anxiously await the rest of the alphabet. Marc is my go-to when I’m feeling down and need a good laugh.
December 19, 2019
This book is a very funny read, based on the works of Edgar Alan Poe. However, even if you haven't read them all (I certainly haven't!) you will still enjoy it. I love the rhyming verse which leads you through the story, and if you listen to the audiobook as I did (well read by David S. Dear, who does a great serious voice despite it being so funny it had me in stitches, and whose silly voices make it easy to differentiate between characters and bring the stories to life), the narrator's speed and inflections keep the pace and tone of the story moving through the audiobook, whilst making it easy to understand. Very enjoyable reading or listening!
NB I received a complimentary copy of this book, but I always give an HONEST review based wholly on my own opinions
NB I received a complimentary copy of this book, but I always give an HONEST review based wholly on my own opinions
February 7, 2018
"But that's a whole different story."
"I hated Roger Nevermore."
Thus begins the latest of Marc Richard's seriously silly stories in the Alphabetical retelling of fairy tales and myths for adults. This time, he turns his attention onto the works of Edgar Alan Poe, complete with poem. Once again, be ready for the rude, the crude, the outrageous and, definitely, the funny.
But what do I know, since "women didn't have opinions"?
"I hated Roger Nevermore."
Thus begins the latest of Marc Richard's seriously silly stories in the Alphabetical retelling of fairy tales and myths for adults. This time, he turns his attention onto the works of Edgar Alan Poe, complete with poem. Once again, be ready for the rude, the crude, the outrageous and, definitely, the funny.
But what do I know, since "women didn't have opinions"?
February 11, 2018
A parody of Edgar Allan Poe's work that will have you laughing
August 12, 2019
Dumb play on Poe’s works.
April 18, 2018
Kindle Unlimited {some of the previous ones/books of his may not be, trying to read through all the ones that are though}, writer isn't 'right' but I keep reading him so just saying. This one, so far is the weirdest.
Read some of them then got the 3 pack from a freebie site or day, A is for Adam B is for Bear, C is for Cookie then D is for Dwarf and NOW E is for Eyeball....
Trapped. In the nightmarish world of Edgar Allan Poe. “A real mustn’t read.” -Every Critic Ever
Ever wanted to be in a story? Our hero has.
And now here he is. And it sucks.
How did he get here?
What did he do to deserve this? Why are these tales so much worse than the originals? Why is everyone he meets so annoying? And what’s the deal with their wonky eyeballs?
E is for Eyeball is what happens when you put works of public domain into the hands of an incompetent lunatic.
Note: These books do not need to be read in alphabetical order.
An Alphabet Book for Grown-Ups!
A is for Adam
B is for Bear
C is for Cookie
The Alphabet Books: ABC
D is for Dwarf
E is for Eyeball
{F is for Frankenstein said to be coming next}
DAVE! (A Novel from the Future) Part 1: The Invaders
DAVE! (A Novel from the Future) Part II: D.C.
DAVE! (A Novel from the Future) Part 3: Endgame
DAVE! (A Novel from the Future) PARTS 1-3
SIX OUT OF FIVE: THE MARC RICHARD BOX SET
Degrees of Separation
Harm's Way
Those Eyes
It'll End in Tears
Sorry.
Read some of them then got the 3 pack from a freebie site or day, A is for Adam B is for Bear, C is for Cookie then D is for Dwarf and NOW E is for Eyeball....
Trapped. In the nightmarish world of Edgar Allan Poe. “A real mustn’t read.” -Every Critic Ever
Ever wanted to be in a story? Our hero has.
And now here he is. And it sucks.
How did he get here?
What did he do to deserve this? Why are these tales so much worse than the originals? Why is everyone he meets so annoying? And what’s the deal with their wonky eyeballs?
E is for Eyeball is what happens when you put works of public domain into the hands of an incompetent lunatic.
Note: These books do not need to be read in alphabetical order.
An Alphabet Book for Grown-Ups!
A is for Adam
B is for Bear
C is for Cookie
The Alphabet Books: ABC
D is for Dwarf
E is for Eyeball
{F is for Frankenstein said to be coming next}
DAVE! (A Novel from the Future) Part 1: The Invaders
DAVE! (A Novel from the Future) Part II: D.C.
DAVE! (A Novel from the Future) Part 3: Endgame
DAVE! (A Novel from the Future) PARTS 1-3
SIX OUT OF FIVE: THE MARC RICHARD BOX SET
Degrees of Separation
Harm's Way
Those Eyes
It'll End in Tears
Sorry.
April 21, 2018
It neves ceases to amaze me that Marc’s stories are sometimes like the thoughts I have.
Other times they are like weird dreams that can’t be explained.
I am in awe that he managed to write it all down.
Not all can make sense, sometimes hard to follow but fun to read!
Other times they are like weird dreams that can’t be explained.
I am in awe that he managed to write it all down.
Not all can make sense, sometimes hard to follow but fun to read!
April 21, 2018
It neves ceases to amaze me that Marc’s stories are sometimes like the thoughts I have.
Other times they are like weird dreams that can’t be explained.
I am in awe that he managed to write it all down.
Not all can make sense, sometimes hard to follow but fun to read!
Other times they are like weird dreams that can’t be explained.
I am in awe that he managed to write it all down.
Not all can make sense, sometimes hard to follow but fun to read!
Displaying 1 - 13 of 13 reviews