"10 Things Every Parent Needs to Know" by Justin Coulston, PhD
Reviewed on 12 October 2021
I love the gentle, understanding and empathetic approach mentioned in this book. Encouraging open communication and active listening is key. Be simple, clear, and direct and explain why you make the rules you make. Give them options and ask them did you not hear me or are you still thinking about it? Explain why we do the things we do. Ask them what they would do if they were in our position. Empower them. These are such great concepts. Children need to feel as though they matter. This active and encouraging approach of raising a child is best. The softer and kinder we are, the better!
We need to let our children be themselves and help them understand who they are. We need to support them to help them find that thing that excites them and makes them come alive. We need to trust them and get out of their way to grow and make their own decisions and learn from their own mistakes.
Midway through the book, the author mentioned about an Indian taxi drive who wanted his son to grow up to become a pilot as he thought that was a symbol of success. The author challenged the man to see things another way to encourage his son to find his own light and passions, not push what he wants onto his son. At that point, his son was only two months old. This story helps remind us that children are not our property and we should not live the life we wanted for ourselves through them. Instead, children are a part of a community of people who raise them and should be encouraged to find their own ways through life, navigating the journey with their own interests in mind. Many parents want children to become something other than who or what they are. This will only make them feel manipulated and controlled. We need to guide to flourish and thrive!
The author reminds us that we need to share quality time with our kids and be mindful of our own use of screens. Make sure we encourage kids to have face to face encounters with real people, play outside and get daily exercise.
I would highly recommend this book all parents and legal guardians of young and older kids.