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After Alexander: The Legacy of a Son
In 1981, during a family year away from New Zealand, four-month-old Alexander died in a London hospital.
Jan Pryor blends her personal experience of losing a child with her professional understanding of family dynamics and children’s development. The clumsiness of consolation; the challenges of organising a funeral – and what to do with Alexander’s ashes; the isolation, being far from friends and family; continuing family life with two other young children to care for; all are described directly but without self-pity. The experience of growing up in 1960s New Zealand - and the stand-off between traditional expectations of the role of a woman versus the pull towards a professional life - is interwoven throughout the memoir.
After Alexander is a story of triumph over loss, and of optimism. It offers consolation and hope to parents who have lost a child, to those who fear losing a child, and to anyone who has suffered the loss of a loved one.
Jan Pryor blends her personal experience of losing a child with her professional understanding of family dynamics and children’s development. The clumsiness of consolation; the challenges of organising a funeral – and what to do with Alexander’s ashes; the isolation, being far from friends and family; continuing family life with two other young children to care for; all are described directly but without self-pity. The experience of growing up in 1960s New Zealand - and the stand-off between traditional expectations of the role of a woman versus the pull towards a professional life - is interwoven throughout the memoir.
After Alexander is a story of triumph over loss, and of optimism. It offers consolation and hope to parents who have lost a child, to those who fear losing a child, and to anyone who has suffered the loss of a loved one.
202 pages, Kindle Edition
Published January 22, 2018
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February 23, 2018
In 1981, during a family year away from New Zealand, four month old Alexander died in a London hospital.
The prologue in Jan Pryor’s memoir begins exactly thirty three years to the day since her son died from cot death, and she is again in London reflecting on the journey she has been on and also to meet her grandson Findlay.
Jan, her husband Jim and their children Emily and Simon swapped life in Christchurch with another couple in Hertfordshire in November 1980. They exchanged homes, dogs, cats and medical practices for a year, and when Jan arrived in the village she was thirty five weeks pregnant with Alexander.
On his arrival just before Christmas he was declared healthy and in a letter home to her mother Jan wrote, “ he really is a dear little boy , with Emily’s colouring but very much Simon’s features.”
On April 10 while her sister was visiting her from Buckinghamshire with her baby daughter Rebecca, Jan found Alexander unresponsive after a long afternoon nap. A trip to the local A&E department led to Alexander and Jan being loaded into an ambulance on route to London with the family following behind. After forty eight hours with machines keeping their baby alive the heart breaking decision was made to let him go.
The reader is drawn into the anguish of the family as they struggle to understand what has happened and arrange a funeral, and there are a number of pages where Pryor shares her thoughts on religion. She offers consolation and hope to parents who have lost a child, as they travel the long twisting road to acceptance. The diary entries share the author’s hopes and fears as she copes with over thirty years of change with courage, sadness and optimism.
The inclusion of the poem A Blackbird Singing by RR Thomas was very appropriate as Pryor says she “has always been enraptured by birds” and this is evident in many chapters of the book, “ Blackbirds are optimism, hopefulness and joy as they sing slightly off-key, and without guile.”
It is a powerful family memoir, not an easy read but I enjoyed it and it will certainly be helpful to anyone experiencing loss as well as grief counsellors.
Jan Pryor was born in Blenheim and has lived and worked in both New Zealand and the UK. Originally qualified as a biochemist but while raising her family Jan took up teaching and then became a researcher of children and families at Victoria University, Wellington .In 2003 she established the McKenzie Centre for the study of families and then in 2008 she became Chief Commissioner of the Families Commission in New Zealand.
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The prologue in Jan Pryor’s memoir begins exactly thirty three years to the day since her son died from cot death, and she is again in London reflecting on the journey she has been on and also to meet her grandson Findlay.
Jan, her husband Jim and their children Emily and Simon swapped life in Christchurch with another couple in Hertfordshire in November 1980. They exchanged homes, dogs, cats and medical practices for a year, and when Jan arrived in the village she was thirty five weeks pregnant with Alexander.
On his arrival just before Christmas he was declared healthy and in a letter home to her mother Jan wrote, “ he really is a dear little boy , with Emily’s colouring but very much Simon’s features.”
On April 10 while her sister was visiting her from Buckinghamshire with her baby daughter Rebecca, Jan found Alexander unresponsive after a long afternoon nap. A trip to the local A&E department led to Alexander and Jan being loaded into an ambulance on route to London with the family following behind. After forty eight hours with machines keeping their baby alive the heart breaking decision was made to let him go.
The reader is drawn into the anguish of the family as they struggle to understand what has happened and arrange a funeral, and there are a number of pages where Pryor shares her thoughts on religion. She offers consolation and hope to parents who have lost a child, as they travel the long twisting road to acceptance. The diary entries share the author’s hopes and fears as she copes with over thirty years of change with courage, sadness and optimism.
The inclusion of the poem A Blackbird Singing by RR Thomas was very appropriate as Pryor says she “has always been enraptured by birds” and this is evident in many chapters of the book, “ Blackbirds are optimism, hopefulness and joy as they sing slightly off-key, and without guile.”
It is a powerful family memoir, not an easy read but I enjoyed it and it will certainly be helpful to anyone experiencing loss as well as grief counsellors.
Jan Pryor was born in Blenheim and has lived and worked in both New Zealand and the UK. Originally qualified as a biochemist but while raising her family Jan took up teaching and then became a researcher of children and families at Victoria University, Wellington .In 2003 she established the McKenzie Centre for the study of families and then in 2008 she became Chief Commissioner of the Families Commission in New Zealand.
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Displaying 1 of 1 review