Elegant Etiquette in the Nineteenth Century

by Mallory James

“A scholarly guide to etiquette as entertaining and amusing as a work of fiction” (Jane Austen’s Regency World Magazine).   Have you ever wondered what it would have been like to live in the nineteenth century? How would you have gotten a partner in a ballroom? What would you have done with a letter of introduction? And where would you have sat in a carriage?   Covering all these nineteenth-century dilemmas and more, this book is your must-have guide to the etiquette of our well-heeled forebears. As it takes you through the intricacies of rank, the niceties of the street, the good conduct that was desired in the ballroom, and the awkward blunders that a lady or gentleman would have wanted to avoid, you will discover an abundance of etiquette advice from across the century, and a lively, occasionally tongue-in-cheek, and thoroughly detailed history of nineteenth-century manners and conduct.   This well-researched book is enjoyable, compelling reading for anyone with an interest in this period. In exploring the expectations of behavior and etiquette, it brings the world of the nineteenth century to life.

Genres: History, Nonfiction, Research, Victorian, 19th Century, Sociology, Reference

193 pages, Kindle Edition

First published January 1, 2017

Reviews

[Katie Lumsden · Rating 5 out of 5]

An absolutely brilliant read - informative, interesting, fun and altogether fascinating.

[The Geeky Bibliophile · Rating 4 out of 5]

How were ladies and gentlemen meant to behave in nineteenth century England? What role did etiquette play regarding correspondence, dinner parties, and proper behavior while they were out and about? What were the particular guidelines reserved for ladies or gentlemen? All these topics and more are covered in Elegant Etiquette in the Nineteenth Century.

I love everything about history, including the social mores of the time. The nineteenth century is one of the time periods I especially enjoy learning about, so I was immediately drawn to this book.

I was particularly interested the first of the eleven chapters, which focused on rank. Being American, I've often found myself confused when it came to rank. I'm aware of the titles from reading, of course, but I often had difficulty when it came to knowing which rank took precedence over another. James informs the reader of the difference between the monarchy, aristocracy, and gentry in an easily understood way. Precedence is explained, as well as how someone of a certain rank would be addressed during conversation. I've got a greater understanding of it now, but if I ever get confused, I'm grateful to have this chapter to reference.

The rest of the chapters were equally entertaining and informative. Various points of etiquette are discussed, ranging from the importance of keeping good company, paying calls to others, and appropriate behavior at dinner parties and balls. The employment of domestic servants is discussed, as well as the important matters pertaining to courtship and marriage. Every topic was fascinating. It seemed nothing was left to chance—every possible situation has specific guidelines to ensure proper behavior at all times.

James' writing style was fun and engaging, making this book absolutely unputdownable for me. No matter how interesting a subject is, there are often times that I will set the book aside in favor of other activities. I never felt this way as I was reading this book, however, which shows you just how much fun it was to read.

If you enjoy learning about this sort of thing, I think you will enjoy reading this book!

I received an advance reading copy of this book courtesy of Pen and Sword Books.

[eghzarw · Rating 4 out of 5]

Finally a true social historian, who understands that there is no such thing as "in the 19th century". Things changed by decade or faster -- fashions, naturally, but good manners too. One day "serviette" is the height of elegance, another it's naff and Charlie and middle-class. Not to mention the fish knives!
An excellent survey of the fluctuating and insecure world of etiquette throughout the 19th century. It gets all the main points and has a good bibliography, too.

[Kerstin · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was interesting. She quotes etiquette manuals during the century. I found the art of introductions the most fascinating. The dinner etiquette was also useful. If I ever write a regency fiction book, I'll use this book as a reference.

[Alex · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was sort of fun, but then sometimes got a little tedious during the examples of how etiquette in certain situations would be employed. I don't know why those examples were needed because the explanation given beforehand was fairly easy to follow. Other than that, it was interesting.

[Mel · Rating 4 out of 5]

Chapters include rank and titles, good company and introductions, paying calls and leaving cards as well as the proper amount of jewelry to wear, what and when.
pg. 115 "A gentleman was a gentleman, not a magpie hankering after shiny trinkets."
pg 117 if a man man made 3000 pounds a year, his expenses should be less than this and he should not live as though he made 5000 a year. (good advice no matter the century).
This was interesting and the only flaw, imo, would be that there were not enough pictures. But if you're interested in Regency to Victorian eras, I recommend this book.

[Ruth Ngobi · Rating 3 out of 5]

I read this a part of the 7 Jane Austen July 2020 challenges. It was most enlightening and I rather wished I had read it in January before embarking on my classical reads this year.

[Ron · Rating 3 out of 5]

“The interest is in politeness, not pretension.”

Well-researched and written overview of the standards and changes in etiquette in nineteenth century England. Exhaustive survey not only of etiquette itself but what it tells us about social change and the people of that century.

“Behaving with perfect propriety and civility required no small amount of effort.”

Fortunately, brief as readers will quickly tire of detailed recitations of which authority declaimed which standard and how they might disagree.

“The paying of calls and the leaving of cards can be viewed as a ritual which kept social interaction turning.”

Why would a twenty-first century American read such a book? To ground on in the mores of a society about which mountains of literature and popular media still appear. From Jane Austin to Charles Dickens to Arthur Conan Doyle, appreciating authors of that century expands as one understands the milieu in which their fiction was set.

“When it comes to the behavior of ladies and gentlemen in the nineteenth century, we have to take into account that people were simply people.”

[saturn daughter ☾ · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book must be read by all victorian lovers! It is brilliant and so well written :) I learned so much with it. Definitely the best book read this year so far! <3 Recommend to everyone. It is so interesting to see how Etiquette had a big impact on society, it made me wanna read more about this topic.

[Rebecca · Rating 2 out of 5]

Dnf'd at 34%. I want to like this book, but the overuse of the word whilst really got on my nerves.

[Autumn Kearney · Rating 3 out of 5]

Etiquette, like everything in this world changes rapidly. This book is an interesting and informative glimpse into the past.

[Olga Miret · Rating 5 out of 5]

A fascinating look into the past and a great source for writers and social history researchers Thanks to Alex and the rest of the team at Pen & Sword for providing me a paperback copy of this book that I freely chose to review.
I am a big fan of Pen & Sword books and I have learned a lot on a variety of subjects thanks to their great selection, but I must admit to having a soft spot for social history. Although I love history books and have recently become keen on historical fiction, I think that social history helps us get a better sense of what life was like in the past, not only for the kings, aristocrats, and powerful people but also for the rest of the population. The everyday life of going around one’s usual business, talking to people, working, rarely makes it into the big books, but it is what life is truly about. And those are the details that bring the past to life. As I have mentioned in previous reviews, these books are also great to provide background to writers, filmmakers, and, in general, artists looking to create works set in a particular time in history, as it helps them gain a better understanding of what it would have been like to live then.
This particular volume is a delight. I have read a number of novels set in the era and watched uncountable movies and television series that take place in the XIX century as well, and although I thought I was familiar with the customs, social rules and mores of the time, I was surprised by how truly complicated following proper etiquette was. As the author often explains, rules were not set in stone and they changed throughout the century. What was a must at the beginning of the XIX century would have been out of fashion by the end, and rules were open to interpretation, as sometimes different sources offered completely different advice. Should you eat fish with a fork and bread, two forks, or a fork and a fish knife (the answer depends on at what point of the XIX century we were eating it)? Would it have been proper for you to introduce people you knew, or even greet people you met in the streets even if you had been introduced? What was the best time to go for a walk or to visit your acquaintances? What did it truly mean if somebody was ‘not at home’?
Such topics and many more are discussed in this short volume, and it makes for fascinating reading. The author is skilled at summarising the rules from a large variety of sources (there is a detailed bibliography at the end and footnotes to check where each point can be expanded on), and also at providing practical examples that help clarify matters like how would you address somebody you are introduced to, or in which order would guest enter the dining room. Her turn of phrase is particularly apt, as her own explanations and the quotes and references to texts blend seamlessly, and she manages to write clearly and engagingly in beautiful prose.
The tone of the book is light and there are funny moments, but there are also reminders of how different things were for those who had more serious concerns than following the rules of etiquette. The book includes 11 chapters that deal in a variety of topics, from rank, precedence and title, to what was considered good company, paying calls, dining, ballroom behaviour, conversation, and correspondence, how to treat the service, courtship, and it also offers hints for ladies and gentlemen. The book (I had access to the paperback copy but I know the pictures are available in the digital version as well) contains a number of plates that help illustrate the proper dress etiquette throughout the century for different occasions and there are also pictures of some of the fashion accessories of the period.
I had to share a couple of examples from the book, so you can get a feeling for the writing style and the type of advice it contains:
If a lady or gentleman was plagued by a person saluting them in the street who they did not like, who they did not want to call upon, and who they thought was taking a gross impertinence continually bowing to them, it was still better for the afflicted lady or gentleman to return the recognition. (For some reason, this brought to my mind the nodding bulldogs that used to grace the back windows of cars).
Talking about men’s fashion, the book has this to say:
Similarly, a gentleman would have been restrained in his use of personal ornamentation. After all, a gentleman was a gentleman, not a magpie hankering after shiny trinkets.
Although some of the rules contained in this book might seem too fussy and silly nowadays, there are some about listening to people and being respectful towards others, no matter what their social circumstances (in fact, being more polite and generous the more difficult things are for them) that will make readers nostalgic for those more gentile and kinder times. There are always things we can learn from the past and it is important to learn and remember.
Another great little volume from Pen & Sword and one that I particularly recommend to anybody interested in XIX century history, novels, movies set in the period, and to writers and creators looking for inspiration or researching that era. It is also a fun read for people that study social history or are interested in the origins of some of our customs and on how these have changed. Unmissable.
 

[Andrea · Rating 4 out of 5]

Good compendium of rules and customs. I used it for background in a story I wrote. Very helpful. Especially stressed that these are the actual routines of a set of real people during a certain period in time, encouraging us to feel the patterns of that way of life and not to view people in this period as characters in a make-believe story or play or movie.

[Jillianne Hamilton · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was sent to me by Pen and Sword Books in exchange for an honest review.

Elegant Etiquette in the Nineteenth Century by Mallory James is a compact little book published last month. (To be published in the US in March.)

This book covers the do’s and don’ts of living in high society during the 1800s and features handy examples of social situations in every chapter. The eleven chapters cover behavior at dinner and balls, writing correspondence, tips exclusively for ladies and tips for the gents and more.

This book is a must-have reference for novelists new to writing historical romance based in the Regency or Victorian era, particularly if their characters are socializing with the upper crust members of society.

The book is obviously well-researched, citing several etiquette guides published during the 19th century, used by the very people who followed the rules within them.

Elegant Etiquette also features several glossy black and white photos of 19th century garments and accessories, a perfect addition to the chapter on etiquette relating to fashion.

My one criticism of this book is the formatting. Since this book is likely to be used as a reference guide for many, I would like to have seen the content divided by bold headers in order to make certain content easier to find. Thankfully, the index is well-stocked with key words so historical fiction authors will make good use of it.

[Rachel · Rating 3 out of 5]

While the narrative tone in this is a little cheeky, the chapters were very dry. James mostly pulls from the same group of etiquette manuals, summarizing the contents. It made me wonder if I should just read the actual manuals instead. There are no illustrations or scans of the actual documents, or examples of etiquette like I've seen in other books about the Victorian era.

She does a good job of distinguishing between what was more prominent during which part of the era (early 1800s and late 1800s). But I found a lot of the content vague and repetitive. There are almost no real life examples of etiquette and James doesn't pull from literature either except for in very few instances. I would have liked to have more context around certain behaviors. Like diary entries from a lady or gentleman who attended a real ball, or a menu from an actual dinner party. Or real life examples of someone who broke etiquette and what were the consequences?

I would skip this one if you're looking for an in depth look at the Victorian era. There are more detailed and enthusiastically written books about the era.

[Jennifer · Rating 4 out of 5]

Ever wondered how ladies and gentlemen are supposed to behave? You will find all the answers in this book. The author breaks the subject down into categories such as dining, meeting on the street, and attending a ball. She walks the reader through a look at the nineteenth century as viewed through the etiquette books of the time. And the rules changed just about every decade. After reading this book, I feel like it would have been a full time job just to keep up with the rules and of course, the exceptions to the rules. Does it really matter who enters the dining room first? In the nineteenth century it mattered a lot and if not done right could leave with a reputation of being rude and undesirable at social gatherings. And please don’t show up at your neighbor’s house with mud on the hem of your skirt, even in London. This book is just full of little bits of formality that will make you glad you leave in the 21st century. I was also surprised though by how many of the rules continue today but in a watered down way. This is a great book for those interested in social history.

[Bianca White · Rating 5 out of 5]

Again, I read this as part of my research for my own novels.

I really enjoyed it. It was not too heavy going, with a little tongue in cheek humour on the part of the author. I particularly enjoyed the closing sentence of the last chapter:
“And, if a gentleman’s wife was not an ideal wife ... then a gentleman was advised to consider if he was perhaps the cause of her negative attitude.”
Excellent suggestion!

The topic is broken down into manageable chapters, which I imagine was quite difficult looking at the number of sources listed in the bibliography. There’s even some nice easy summation points at the end of each chapter.

Overall, I liked the author’s style, which felt very similar to what I would expect to find in the many etiquette books of the time period covered here. It was very easy to imagine, and give voice to the author, as a strict, yet very lady like, headmistress of a lady’s finishing school as she paced back and forth, emphasising the importance of good manners to her charges.

[Devon · Rating 3 out of 5]

Elegant Etiquette in the Nineteenth Century by Mallory James is a little book with helpful tips and hints on how people in the 19th century were instructed to behave if they wished to be viewed as gentleman and ladies, from whether or not to eat fish and soup together at a dinner party, to who sits down first and where in a carriage, to when men and women ought to perambulate outside—and much more.

Found it endlessly amusing (better than to be frustrated!) that the author would detail how one was instructed to behave in order to be proper in the turn of the century and by mid or late century or even a few years later, behaving in such a fashion would be seen as unthinkably rude and offensive.

[David S Roberts · Rating 4 out of 5]

Not as deep as I had hoped

Given the title, I suppose I can't complain, but I bought this hoping to more about the daily lives and relationships of people during the 19th century, but it appears that the author has mainly pored over an assortment of etiquette manuals from that time and summarized them here.

[Claudia · Rating 5 out of 5]

The sometimes fast change in some matters was astounding, also the diversity of some and how they were observed.

I've got to say, there are just smidgeons left of good behaviour and only in polite company. I wish people, especially men, would still do some of these things. I went to a reenactment where many knew at least part of the rules of etiquette and it was such a wonderful experience.

[Kristi · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is superior to most books on 19th century etiquette that I have read so far, as it gives analysis and context rather than an assemblage of quotations from period etiquette guides. Prospective readers should be aware that the focus of this text is 19th century *England.*

[Linda Berger · Rating 5 out of 5]

Elegant Etiquette in the Nineteenth century

Enjoyable book to dive into the norms of this period. Well written and informative. Definitely involved society with money. Interesting read.

[Eve · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great. Very helpful to understand how upper class lived in those days.

[Rachelle Jennings · Rating 4 out of 5]

excellent history!!!

[Louisa Jones · Rating 3 out of 5]

Interesting. Gave a lot of background to the books I am reading of that period.

[Kristen · Rating 5 out of 5]

I thoroughly enjoyed this book, and it absolutely a keeper in terms of research.

[Sarah · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.5 ⭐️
A fast, fun primer on 19th century etiquette.

[MaryAnn Lockey · Rating 4 out of 5]

If you love the 18 th century history this book covered a lot. I love cultural history and this had a lot of interesting tidbits.

[C N · Rating 3 out of 5]

very dry